Trust; A Lenten Resolution
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March 31, 2017. Friday
of the Fourth Week of Lent
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John 7:1-2, 10, 25-30
Jesus moved about within Galilee; but he did
not wish to travel in Judea, because the Jews were trying to kill him. But
the Jewish feast of Tabernacles was near. But when his brothers had gone up
to the feast, he himself also went up, not openly but as it were in secret.
So some of the inhabitants of Jerusalem said, "Is he not the one they
are trying to kill? And look, he is speaking openly and they say nothing to
him. Could the authorities have realized that he is the Christ? But we know
where he is from. When the Christ comes, no one will know where he is
from." So Jesus cried out in the Temple area as he was teaching and
said, "You know me and also know where I am from. Yet I did not come on
my own, but the one who sent me, whom you do not know, is true. I know him,
because I am from him, and he sent me." So they tried to arrest him, but
no one laid a hand upon him, because his hour had not yet come.
Introductory Prayer: Jesus, I truly believe and hope in You and Your Gospel. You
have touched me by the example of trust You had in Your Father’s plan. I
adore You and thank You with my whole heart.
Petition: Lord, help me to trust more in Your divine providence.
1. A Way Out When Cornered: A cornered bear reacts by the instinct of
self-preservation and fights until death. Christ, however, shows an
altogether different attitude when challenged. He seems always to be calm and
in control of every situation. He knows that not a single hair will fall from
his head unless the Father deliberately permits it to occur. Many times our
fears corner us to the point that we get spooked. To conquer our fears, we
need to believe more, hope more, and love Christ much more.
2. The Force of Love: It is interesting to note that Jesus
originally planned to stay behind in Galilee. But out of charity and trust in
the Father’s will, Jesus set out on the perilous journey to Judea. Once
there, he forgot the danger that loomed before him. Christ felt a renewed
strength as he had compassion for the lost sheep in Judea. Nothing could
diminish his resolve to feed the spiritually hungry, cure the sick, and teach
the ignorant. Love gave Christ the capacity to give himself more. Love protects
life from prejudices and complaints.
3. Proof of God’s Love: The soldiers tried to arrest Jesus, but they
were thwarted. The Father had decided that his Son was not to be given up
yet. Cancer, global warming, the nuclear bomb, terrorism and natural
disasters – things that might seem to be threats to us – should not make us
fearful. Trust is really trust! Jesus invites us to trust, and this is
powerful. Saint Paul says, “All things work together for good for those who
love God” (Romans 8:28). The important thing in life is for us to keep
our thoughts and efforts focused on God’s will and to go about doing good,
generously serving others. “Seek his kingdom, and these other things will be
given you besides” (Luke 12:31).
Conversation with Christ: My Lord and Savior, I know that my vision is
often short-sighted. Teach me to love and to trust. Enlarge my heart so that
I can endure adverse situations and predicaments for the sake of my eternal
salvation. Jesus, I trust in You!
Resolution: Today when contradictions flare up at the
workplace or at home, I will not sigh in despair. Rather, I will make an act
of hope: “Long live Christ the King!”
Excerpts from the
DIARY of Saint Faustina Kowalska
Darkness and Temptations
77 My mind became dimmed in a strange way; no truth seemed clear to me. When people spoke to me about God, my heart was like a rock. I could not draw from it a single sentiment of love for Him. When I tried, by an act of the will, to remain close to Him, I experienced great torments, and it seemed to me that I was only provoking God to an even greater anger. It was absolutely impossible for me to meditate as I had been accustomed to do in the past. I felt in my soul a great void, and there was nothing with which I could fill it. I began to suffer from a great hunger and yearning for God, but I saw my utter powerlessness. I tried to read slowly, sentence by sentence, and to meditate in this way, but this also was of no avail. I understood nothing of what I had read. The abyss of my misery was constantly before my eyes. Every time I entered the chapel for some spiritual exercise, I experienced even worse torments and temptations. More than once, all through Holy Mass, I had to struggle against blasphemous thoughts which were forcing themselves to my lips. I felt an aversion for the Holy Sacraments, and it seemed to me that I was not profiting from them in any way. It was only out of obedience to my confessor that I frequented them, and this blind obedience was for me the only path I could follow and my very last hope of survival. The priest explained to me that these were trials sent by God and that, in the situation I was in, not only was I not offending God, but I was most pleasing to Him. "This is a sign," he told me, "that God loves you very much and that He has great confidence in you, since He is sending you such trials." But these words brought me no comfort; it seemed to me that they did not apply to me at all. One thing did surprise me: it often happened that, at the time when I was suffering greatly, these terrible torments would disappear suddenly just as I was approaching the confessional; but as soon as I had left the confessional, all these torments would again seize me with even greater ferocity. I would then fall on my face before the Blessed Sacrament repeating these words: "Even if You kill me, still will I trust in You!" [cf. Job 13:15] It seemed to me that I would die in these agonies. But the most terrible thought for me was the conviction that I had been rejected by God. Then other thoughts came to me: why strive to acquire virtues and do good works? why mortify and annihilate yourself? what good is it to take vows? to pray? to sacrifice and immolate yourself? why sacrifice myself all the time? what good is it - if I am already rejected by God? why all these efforts? And here, God alone knew what was going on in my heart.
93 +A Short Version of the Catechism of the Vows[39]
Q. What is a vow? A. A vow is a voluntary promise made to God, to carry out a more perfect act. Q. Is a vow binding in a matter which is the object of a commandment? A. Yes. The carrying out of an act which is the object of a commandment has a double value and merit; and the neglect of such an act is a double transgression and evil, because by breaking such a vow we add to the sin against the commandment, the sin of sacrilege. Q. Why do religious vows have such value? A. Because they are the foundation of the religious life approved by the Church, in which the members bound together in a religious community undertake to strive always for perfection by means of the three religious vows of poverty, chastity and obedience, observed according to the rules. Q. What is the meaning of the words, "strive for perfection?" A. To strive for perfection means that the religious life does not in itself demand that perfection be already attained, but obliges, under the pain of sin, that we work daily to attain it. Therefore, a religious who does not want to become perfect neglects his principal duty of state. Q. What are "solemn" religious vows? A. " Solemn" religious vows are so absolute that, in extraordinary cases, only the Holy Father can dispense from them. Q. What are simple religious vows? A. These are vows which are less absolute - the Holy See dispenses from perpetual and annual vows. Q. What is the difference between a vow and a virtue? A. A vow pertains only to that which is commanded under pain of sin; the virtue goes beyond this and helps in the carrying out of the vow; on the other hand, by breaking the vow we fail in the virtue and do it damage. Q. To what do the religious vows oblige us? A. The religious vows oblige us to strive to acquire the virtues and to submit ourselves completely to our Superiors and to the Rules which are in force; thus the religious gives his own person to the Community, renouncing every right over himself and his actions, which he sacrifices to the service of God. The Vow of Poverty The vow of poverty is the voluntary renunciation of the right over property or to the use of such property with the purpose of pleasing God. Q. What objects does the vow of poverty concern? A. All those goods and those objects which appertain to the Community. We have no longer any right over anything that has been given to us, once it has been accepted, whether an article or money. All these donations and presents, which may have been given us out of gratitude or in any other way, belong by right to the Community. We cannot make use, without violating the vow, of any wages we may receive for work or even any annuity. Q. When do we break or violate the vow in a matter which entails the seventh commandment? A. We break or violate it when, without permission, we take for ourselves anything that belongs to the house; when, without permission, we retain something in order to appropriate it; and when, without authorization, we sell or exchange something that belongs to the Community. When we make use of an object for some other purpose than that intended by the Superior. When we give to, or accept from another, anything whatsoever without permission. When by negligence we destroy or damage something. When, in going from one house to another, we take something with us without permission. In a situation where the vow is broken, the religious is bound to restitution to the Community. The Virtue of Poverty This is an evangelical virtue which impels the heart to detach itself from temporal things; the religious, in virtue of his profession, is strictly obliged to it. Q. When do we sin against the virtue of poverty? When we desire something, contrary to this virtue. When we become attached to something, and when we make use of superfluous things. How many degrees of poverty are there and what are they? A. There are, in practice, four degrees of poverty for one who is a professed religious: to dispose of nothing without the consent of the Superiors (the strict matter of the vow); to avoid superfluities and be content with necessities (this pertains to the virtue); to readily content oneself with things of inferior quality in what concerns one's cell, clothing, nourishment, etc., and to experience this contentment interiorly; to rejoice in extreme poverty. The Vow of Chastity Q. To what does this vow oblige us? A. To renounce marriage and to avoid everything that is forbidden by the sixth and ninth commandments. Q. Is a fault against the virtue a violation of the vow? A. Every fault against the virtue is at the same time a violation of the vow, because here there is no difference, as in the case of poverty and obedience, between the vow and the virtue. Q. Is every bad thought a sin? A. No, every bad thought is not a sin; it becomes so only when the acquiescence of the will and consent are joined to the consideration of the mind. Q. Is there anything, over and above sins against chastity, which is detrimental to the virtue? A. Lack of custody of the senses, of the imagination, of the feelings; familiarity and sentimental friendships are detrimental to the virtue. Q. What are the means by which this virtue may be preserved? A. To conquer interior temptations with the thought of the presence of God, and moreover to fight without fear. And for exterior temptations, to avoid occasions. There are, in all, seven principal means: to guard the senses, to avoid occasions, to avoid idleness, to remove temptations promptly, to remove oneself from all - and especially particular friendships, the spirit of mortification, and to reveal all these temptations to one's confessor. Besides this, there are also five means of preserving this virtue: humility, the spirit of prayer, modesty of the eyes, fidelity to the rule, a sincere devotion to the Blessed Virgin Mary. The Vow of Obedience The vow of obedience is superior to the first two. It is, to tell the truth, a holocaust, and it is more necessary because it forms and animates the monastic body. Q. To what does the vow of obedience oblige us? A. By the vow of obedience, the religious promises to God to be obedient to his legitimate superiors in everything that they will ordain in virtue of the rule. The vow of obedience makes the religious dependent on his superior in virtue of these rules for his whole life and in all his affairs. A religious commits a grave sin against the vow every time he disobeys an order given in virtue of obedience and of these rules. The Virtue of Obedience The virtue of obedience goes further than the vow; it embraces the rules, the regulations and even the counsels of the superiors. Q. Is the virtue of obedience indispensable for a religious? A. The virtue of obedience is so indispensable to a religious that, even if he were to perform good actions contrary to obedience, these would be evil and without merit. Q. Can we sin gravely against the virtue of obedience? A. We sin gravely when we scorn the authority or the order of the superior, or when spiritual or temporal harm to the community results from our disobedience. Q. What faults endanger the vow? A. To be prejudiced against the superior, or to harbor an antipathy for him - murmuring and criticism, tardiness and negligence. The Degrees of Obedience Prompt and complete fulfillment - the obedience of the will, when the will persuades the intellect to submit to the advice of the superior. To facilitate obedience, Saint Ignatius suggests, moreover, three means: always to see God in our superior, whoever he might be; to justify in itself the order or advice of the superior; to accept each order as an order from God, without examining it or reflecting on it. General means: humility. Nothing is difficult for the humble.
96 +Trials sent by God to a soul which is particularly
loved by Him.
Temptations and darkness; Satan. The soul's love [for God] is still not such as God would have it. The soul suddenly loses the tangible perception of God's presence. Various defects and imperfections rise up within it, and it must fight them furiously. All her faults lift up their heads, but the soul's vigilance is great. The former awareness of the presence of God gives place to coldness and spiritual dryness; the soul has no taste for spiritual exercises; it cannot pray, either in the old way, or in the manner in which it had just begun to pray. It struggles this way and that, but can find no satisfaction. God has hidden himself from it, and it can find no consolation in creatures, nor can any of these creatures find a way of consoling it. The soul craves passionately for God, but sees its own misery; it begins to sense God's justice; it seems to it that it has lost all the gifts that God had given it; its mind is dimmed, and darkness fills it; unspeakable torment begins. The soul tries to explain its state to the confessor, but it is not understood and is assailed by an even greater unrest. Satan begins his work.
97 Faith
staggers under the impact; the struggle is fierce. The soul tries hard to
cling to God by an act of will. With God's permission, Satan goes even
further: hope and love are put to the test. These temptations are terrible.
God supports the soul in secret, so to speak. The soul is not aware of this,
but otherwise it would be impossible to stand firm; and God knows very well
how much He can allow to befall a soul. The soul is tempted to unbelief in
respect to revealed truths and to insincerity toward the confessor. Satan
says to it, "Look, no one understands you; why speak about all
this?" Words that terrify it sound in its ears, and it seems to the soul
that it is uttering these against God. It sees what it does not want to see.
It hears what it does not want to hear. And, oh, it is a terrible thing at
times like these not to have an experienced confessor! The soul carries the
whole burden alone. However, one should make every effort to find, if it is
at all possible, a well-informed confessor, for the soul can collapse under
the burden and come to the very edge of the precipice. All these trials are
heavy and difficult. God does not send them to a soul which has not already
been admitted to a deeper intimacy with Him and which has not yet tasted the
divine delights. Besides, in this God has His own plans, which for us are
impenetrable. God often prepares a soul in this way for His future designs
and great works. He wants to try it as pure gold is tried. But this is not
yet the end of the testing; there is still the trial of trials, the complete
abandonment of the soul by God.
+ The Trial of
Trials, Complete Abandonment - Despair
98 When the soul comes out victorious from the preceding trials, even though it may stumble here and there, it fights on valiantly, humbly calling upon God, "Save me, I am perishing!" And it is still able to fight on. At this point, however, the soul is engulfed in a horrible night. It sees within itself only sin. It feels terrible. It sees itself completely abandoned by God. It feels itself to be the object of His hatred. It is but one step away from despair. The soul does its best to defend itself; it tries to stir up its confidence; but prayer is an even greater torment for it, as this prayer seems to arouse God to an even greater anger. The soul finds itself poised on the summit of a lofty mountain on the very brink of a precipice. The soul is drawn to God, but feels repulsed. All other sufferings and tortures in the world are as nothing compared with this sensation into which it has been plunged; namely, that of being rejected by God. No one can bring it any relief; it finds itself completely alone; there is no one to defend it. It raises its eyes to heaven, but is convinced that this is not for her-for her all is lost. It falls deeper and deeper from darkness to darkness, and it seems to it that it has lost forever the God it used to love so dearly. This thought is torture beyond all description. But the soul does not agree to it and tries to lift its gaze toward heaven, but in vain! And this makes the torture even more intense. If God wishes to keep the soul in such darkness, no one will be able to give it light. It experiences rejection by God in a vivid and terrifying manner. From its heart burst forth painful moans, so painful that no priest will comprehend it, unless he himself has been through these trials. In the midst of this, the evil spirit adds to the soul's suffering, mocking it: "Will you persist in your faithfulness? This is your reward; you are in our power!" But Satan has only as much influence over the soul as God allows him, and God knows how much we can bear. "What have you gotten out of your mortifications," says Satan, "and out of your fidelity to the rule? What use are all these efforts? You have been rejected by God!" This word, rejected, becomes a fire which penetrates every nerve to the marrow of the bone. It pierces right through her entire being. The ordeal reaches its climax. The soul no longer looks for help anywhere. It shrinks into itself and loses sight of everything; it is as though it has accepted the torture of being abandoned. This is a moment for which I have no words. This is the agony of the soul.
101 Jesus, You alone know how the soul, engulfed in
darkness, moans in the midst of these torments and, despite all this, thirsts
for God as burning lips thirst for water. It dies and withers; it dies a
death without death; that is to say, it cannot die. All its efforts come to
nothing; it is under a powerful hand. Now the soul comes under the power of
the Just One. All exterior temptations cease; all that surrounds it becomes
silent, like a dying person who loses contact with everything around it: the person's
entire soul is in the hand of the Just God, the Thrice-Holy God,-rejected for
all eternity! This is the culminating moment, and God alone can test a soul
in this way, because He alone knows what the soul can endure.
When the soul has been saturated through and through by this infernal fire, it is, as it were, cast headlong into great despair. My soul experienced this moment when I was all alone in my cell. When my soul began to sink into this despair, I felt that the end was near. But I seized my little crucifix and clutched it tightly in my hand. And now I felt my body separate itself from my soul; and though I wanted to go to my Superiors, I no longer had the physical strength. I uttered my last words: "I trust in Your Mercy!"-and it seemed to me that I provoked God to an even greater anger. And now I was drowned in despair, and all that was left me was a moan of unadulterated pain which, from time to time, tore itself from my soul. The soul is in agony-and it seemed to me that I would remain in this state, because by my own strength I could not emerge from it. Every recollection of God opened up an unspeakable ocean of suffering, and yet despite this there is something within the soul which is drawn to Him, though it seems to her for this only-that she suffer more. The memory of the love with which God formerly surrounded it is still another kind of suffering. His gaze pierces it, and everything within the soul is burned by this gaze.
116 My Jesus, You know what my
soul goes through at the recollection of these sufferings. I have often
marvelled that the angels and saints hold their peace at the sight of a soul
suffering like that. Yet they have special love for us at such moments. My
soul has often cried out after God, as a little child who cries as loudly as
he can when his mother covers her face and he cannot recognize her. O my
Jesus, honor and glory to You for these trials of love! Great and
incomprehensible is your mercy. All that You intended for my soul, O Lord, is
steeped in Your mercy.
118 The tongue is a small member,
but it does big things. A religious who does not keep silence will never
attain holiness; that is, she will never become a saint. Let her not delude
herself-unless it is the Spirit of God who is speaking through her, for then
she must not keep silent. But, in order to hear the voice of God, one has to
have silence in one's soul and to keep silence; not a gloomy silence, but an
interior silence; that is to say, recollection in God. One can speak a great
deal without breaking silence and, on the contrary, one can speak little and
be constantly breaking silence. Oh, what irreparable damage is done by the
breach of silence! We cause a lot of harm to our neighbor, but even more to
our own selves.
In my opinion, and according to my
experience, the rule concerning silence should stand in the very first place.
God does not give himself to a chattering soul which, like a drone in a
beehive, buzzes around but gathers no honey. A talkative soul is empty
inside. It lacks both the essential virtues and intimacy with God. A deeper
interior life, one of gentle peace and of that silence where the Lord dwells,
is quite out of the question. A soul that has never tasted the sweetness of
inner silence is a restless spirit which disturbs the silence of others. I
have seen many souls in the depths of hell for not having kept their silence;
they told me so themselves when I asked them what was the cause of their
undoing. These were souls of religious. My God, what an agony it is to think
that not only might they have been in heaven, but they might even have become
saints! O Jesus, have mercy!
147 I recall
that I have received most light during adoration which I made lying prostrate
before the Blessed Sacrament for half an hour every day throughout Lent.
During that time I came to know myself and God more profoundly. And yet, even
though I had the superiors' permission to do so, I encountered many obstacles
to praying in such a way. Let the soul be aware that, in order to pray and
persevere in prayer, one must arm oneself with patience and cope bravely with
exterior and interior difficulties. The interior difficulties are
discouragement, dryness, heaviness of spirit and temptations. The exterior
difficulties are human respect and time; one must observe the time set apart
for prayer. This has been my personal experience because, when I did not pray
at the time assigned for prayer, later on I could not do it because of my
duties; or if I did manage to do so, this was only with great difficulty,
because my thoughts kept wandering off to my duties. I also experienced this
difficulty: when a soul has prayed well and left prayer in a state of
profound interior recollection, others resist its recollection; and so, the
soul must be patient to persevere in prayer. It often happened to me that
when my soul was more deeply immersed in God, and I had derived greater fruit
from prayer, and God's presence accompanied me during the day, and at work
there was more recollection and greater precision and effort at my duty, this
was precisely when I received the most rebukes for being negligent in my duty
and indifferent to everything; because less recollected souls want others to
be like them, for they are a constant [source of] remorse to them.
163 JMJ The Year 1937
General Exercises
+O Most Holy Trinity! As many
times as I breathe, as many times as my heart beats, as many times as my
blood pulsates through my body, so many thousand times do I want to glorify
Your mercy.
+I want to be completely
transformed into Your mercy and to be Your living reflection, O Lord. May the
greatest of all divine attributes, that of Your unfathomable mercy, pass
through my heart and soul to my neighbor.
Help me, O Lord, that my eyes may
be merciful, so that I may never suspect or judge from appearances, but look
for what is beautiful in my neighbors' souls and come to their rescue.
Help me, that my ears may be
merciful, so that I may give heed to my neighbors' needs and not be
indifferent to their pains and moaning. Help me, O Lord, that my tongue may
be merciful, so that I should never speak negatively of my neighbor, but have
a word of comfort and forgiveness for all.
Help me, O Lord, that my hands may
be merciful and filled with good deeds, so that I may do only good to my
neighbors and take upon myself the more difficult and toilsome tasks.
Help me, that my feet may be
merciful, so that I may hurry to assist my neighbor, overcoming my own
fatigue and weariness. My true rest is in the service of my neighbor.
Help me, O Lord, that my heart may
be merciful so that I myself may feel all the sufferings of my neighbor. I
will refuse my heart to no one. I will be sincere even with those who, I
know, will abuse my kindness. And I will lock myself up in the most merciful
Heart of Jesus. I will bear my own suffering in silence. May Your mercy, O
Lord, rest upon me.
+You yourself command me to
exercise the three degrees of mercy. The first: the act of mercy, of whatever
kind. The second: the word of mercy-if I cannot carry out a work of mercy, I will
assist by my words. The third: prayer-if I cannot show mercy by deeds or
words, I can always do so by prayer. My prayer reaches out even there where I
cannot reach out physically.
O my Jesus, transform me into
Yourself, for you can do all things.
173 Satan's temptations during meditation. I felt a
strange fear that the priest would not
understand me, or that he would have no time to hear
everything I would have to say. How am I going to tell him all this? If it
were Father Bukowski I could do it more easily, but this Jesuit whom I am
seeing for the first time... Then I remembered Father Bukowski's advice that
I should at least take brief notes of the lights sent to me by God during the
retreats and give him at least a brief report on them. My God, for a day and
a half all has gone well, and now a life and death struggle is beginning. The
conference is to start in a half hour, and then I am to go to confession.
Satan tried to persuade me into believing that if my superiors have told me
that my inner life is an illusion, why should I ask again and trouble the
confessor? Didn't MX [probably Mother Jane] tell you that the Lord Jesus does
not commune with souls as miserable as yours? This confessor is going to tell
you the same thing. Why speak to him about all this? These are not sins, and
Mother X, told you that all this communing with the Lord Jesus was
daydreaming and pure hysteria. So why tell it to this confessor? You would do
better to dismiss all this as illusions. Look how many humiliations you have suffered
because of them, and how many more are still awaiting you, and all the
sisters know that you are a hysteric. "Jesus!" I called out with
all the strength of my soul.
216 We have come to Cracow today
[April 18, 1933]. What a joy it is to find myself again where I took my first
steps in the spiritual life! Dear Mother Directress [Mary Joseph] is ever the
same, cheerful and full of love of neighbor. I entered the chapel for a
moment and joy filled my soul. In a flash I recalled the whole ocean of graces
that had been given me as a novice here.
241 Love of neighbor. First:
Helpfulness towards the sisters. Second: Do not speak about those who are
absent, and defend the good name of my neighbor. Third: Rejoice in the
success of others.
267 Jesus told me that I please
Him best by meditating on His sorrowful Passion, and by such meditation much
light falls upon my soul. He who wants to learn true humility should reflect
upon the Passion of Jesus. When I meditate upon the Passion of Jesus, I get a
clear understanding of many things I could not comprehend before. I want to
resemble You, O Jesus,-You crucified, tortured and humiliated. Jesus, imprint
upon my heart and soul Your own humility. I love You, Jesus, to the point of
madness, You who were crushed with suffering as described by the prophet [cf.
Isaiah 53:2-9], as if he could not see the human form in You because of Your
great suffering. It is in this condition, Jesus, that I love You to the point
of madness. O eternal and infinite God, what has love done to You?...
275 Jesus loves hidden souls. A
hidden flower is the most fragrant. I must strive to make the interior of my
soul a resting place for the Heart of Jesus. In difficult and painful
moments, O my Creator, I sing You a hymn of trust, for bottomless is the
abyss of my trust in You and in Your mercy!
278 At the feet of the Lord.
Hidden Jesus, Eternal Love, our Source of Life, Divine Madman, in that You
forget yourself and see only us. Before creating heaven and earth, You
carried us in the depths of Your Heart. O Love, O depth of Your abasement, O
mystery of happiness, why do so few people know You? Why is Your love not
returned? O Divine Love, why do You hide Your beauty? O Infinite One beyond
all understanding, the more I know You the less I comprehend You; but because
I cannot comprehend You, I better comprehend Your greatness. I do not envy
the Seraphim their fire, for I have a greater gift deposited in my heart.
They admire You in rapture, but Your Blood mingles with mine. Love is heaven
given us already here on earth. Oh, why do You hide in faith? Love tears away
the veil. There is no veil before the eye of my soul, for You yourself have
drawn me into the bosom of secret love forever. Praise and glory be to You, O
Indivisible Trinity, One God, unto ages of ages!
279 God made known to me what true
love consists in and gave light to me about how, in practice, to give proof
of it to Him. True love of God consists in carrying out God's will. To show
God our love in what we do, all our actions, even the least, must spring from
our love of God. And the Lord said to me, My child, you please Me most by
suffering. In your physical as well as your mental sufferings, My daughter,
do not seek sympathy from creatures. I want the fragrance of your suffering to
be pure and unadulterated. I want you to detach yourself, not only from
creatures, but also from yourself. My daughter, I want to delight in the love
of your heart, a pure love, virginal, unblemished, untarnished. The more you
will come to love suffering, My daughter, the purer your love for Me will be.
281 I feel certain that my mission will not come to an end upon my
death, but will begin. O doubting souls, I will draw aside for you the veils
of heaven to convince you of God's goodness, so that you will no longer
continue to wound with your distrust the sweetest Heart of Jesus. God is Love
and Mercy.
282 Once the Lord said to me, My
Heart was moved by great mercy towards you, My dearest child, when I saw you
torn to shreds because of the great pain you suffered in repenting for your
sins. I see your love, so pure and true that I give you first place among the
virgins. You are the honor and glory of My Passion. I see every abasement of
your soul, and nothing escapes my attention. I lift up the humble even to my
very throne, because I want it so.
283 I want to love You as no human
soul has ever loved You before; and although I am utterly miserable and
small, I have nevertheless cast the anchor of my trust deep down into the
abyss of Your mercy, O my God and Creator! In spite of my great misery I fear
nothing, but hope to sing You a hymn of glory forever. Let no soul, even the
most miserable, fall prey to doubt; for, as long as one is alive, each one
can become a great saint, so great is the power of God's grace. It remains
only for us not to oppose God's action.
287 +My Jesus, when I look at this
life of souls, I see that many of them serve You with some mistrust. At
certain times, especially when there is an opportunity to show their love for
God, I see them running away from the battlefield. And once Jesus said to me,
Do you, my child, also want to act like that? I answered the Lord,
"Oh, no, my Jesus, I will not retreat from the battlefield, even if
mortal sweat breaks out on my brow; I will not let the sword fall from my
hand until I rest at the feet of the Holy Trinity!" Whatever I do, I do
not rely on my own strength, but on God's grace. With God's grace a soul can
overcome the greatest difficulties.
294 +Once the Lord said to me, Act
like a beggar who does not back away when he gets more alms [than he asked
for], but offers thanks the more fervently. You too should not back away and
say that you are not worthy of receiving greater graces when I give them to
you. I know you are unworthy, but rejoice all the more and take as many
treasures from My Heart as you can carry, for then you will please Me more.
And I will tell you one more thing: Take these graces not only for yourself,
but also for others; that is, encourage the souls with whom you come in contact
to trust in My infinite mercy. Oh, how I love those souls who have complete
confidence in Me. I will do everything for them.
296 +O Supreme Good, I want to
love You as no one on earth has ever loved You before! I want to adore You
with every moment of my life and unite my will closely to Your holy will. My
life is not drab or monotonous, but it is varied like a garden of fragrant
flowers, so that I don't know which flower to pick first, the lily of
suffering or the rose of love of neighbor or the violet of humility. I will
not enumerate these treasures in which my every day abounds. It is a great
thing to know how to make use of the present moment.
343 True love is measured by the thermometer of suffering.
Jesus, I thank You for the little daily crosses, for opposition to my
endeavors, for the hardships of communal life, for the misinterpretation of
my intentions, for humiliations at the hands of others, for the harsh way in
which we are treated, for false suspicions, for poor health and loss of strength,
for self-denial, for dying to myself, for lack of recognition in everything,
for the upsetting of all my plans.
Thank You, Jesus, for interior sufferings, for dryness of spirit, for terrors, fears and incertitudes, for the darkness and the deep interior night, for temptations and various ordeals, for torments too difficult to describe, especially for those which no one will understand, for the hour of death with its fierce struggle and all its bitterness. I thank You, Jesus, You who first drank the cup of bitterness before You gave it to me, in a much milder form. I put my lips to this cup of Your holy will. Let all be done according to Your good pleasure; let that which Your wisdom ordained before the ages be done to me. I want to drink the cup to its last drop, and not seek to know the reason why. In bitterness is my joy, in hopelessness is my trust. In You, O Lord, all is good, all is a gift of Your paternal Heart. I do not prefer consolations over bitterness or bitterness over consolations, but thank You, O Jesus, for everything! It is my delight to fix my gaze upon You, O incomprehensible God! My spirit abides in these mysterious dwelling places, and there I am at home. I know very well the dwelling place of my Spouse. I feel there is not a single drop of blood in me that does not burn with love for You. O Uncreated Beauty, whoever comes to know You once cannot love anything else. I can feel the bottomless abyss of my soul, and nothing will fill it but God himself. I feel that I am drowned in Him like a single grain of sand in a bottomless ocean.
375 Particular interior practice;
that is, the examination of conscience. Self-denial, denial of my own will.
I. The denial of my reason.
Subjecting it to the reason of those who represent God to me here on earth.
II. The denial of my will. Doing
the will of God, which is revealed in the will of those who represent God to
me and which is contained in the rule of our order.
III. The denial of my judgment.
Accepting immediately and without reflection, analysis or reasoning all
orders given by those who represent God to me.
IV. The denial of my tongue. I
will not give it the least bit of freedom; but in one case only I will give
it complete freedom; that is, in proclaiming the glory of God. Whenever I
receive Holy Communion, I will ask Jesus to fortify and cleanse my tongue
that I may not injure my neighbor with it. That is why I have the greatest
respect for the rule which speaks about silence.
383 At the beginning of the
retreat, I saw, on the ceiling of the chapel, Jesus nailed to the Cross. He
was looking at the sisters with great love, but not at all of them. There
were three sisters at whom Jesus looked severely, for what reasons I do not
know. I only know what a terrible thing it is to meet with such a look, which
is the look of a severe Judge. That look was not directed at me, and yet I
was paralyzed with terror. I still tremble as I write these words. I did not
dare to say so much as a single word to Jesus. My physical strength failed
me, and I thought I would not live to the end of the conference. The next
day, I saw the same thing again, just as I had seen it the first time, and
this time I dared to speak these words: "Jesus, how great is Your
mercy!"
On the third day, that gaze of
great kindness upon all the sisters, except the three, was again repeated. I
gathered up my courage, which drew its force from love of neighbor, and I
said to the Lord, "You, who are Mercy Itself, as You yourself told me, I
beg You by the power of Your mercy, to look then with kindness at these three
sisters as well. And if this is not in accord with Your wisdom, I ask You for
an exchange: turn to them the kind look meant for my soul, and let Your
severe gaze at their souls be turned on me." Jesus then said to me these
words: My daughter, for the sake of your sincere and generous love, I grant
them many graces although they are not asking Me for them. But I am doing so
because of the promise I have made to you. And at that moment, He turned a
merciful look towards those three sisters as well. My heart leapt with joy to
see the goodness of God.
549 Work. As poor persons, the
nuns themselves will do all the work in the convent. Each one should be glad
when she is given some work which is humbling or which goes against her nature,
as that will greatly help her interior formation. The superior will often
change the sisters' duties, and in this way help them to detach themselves
completely from the little details to which women have a great attachment.
Truly, I often find it amusing to see with my own eyes souls who have
forsaken really great things only to attach themselves to fiddle faddle; that
is, trifles. Each sister, including even the superior, shall work in the
kitchen for a month. Every one should take a turn at every chore which is to
be done in the convent.
571 O my Jesus, Eternal Truth, I fear nothing, neither hardships
nor sufferings; I fear only one thing, and that is to offend You. My Jesus, I
would rather not exist than make You sad. Jesus, You know that my love knows
no one but You. My soul is absorbed in You.
590 When I receive Holy Communion,
I entreat and beg the Savior to heal my tongue, that I may never fail in love
of neighbor.
692 + O Jesus, I understand that
Your mercy is beyond all imagining, and therefore I ask You to make my heart
so big that there will be room in it for the needs of all the souls living on
the face of the earth. O Jesus, my love extends beyond the world, to the
souls suffering in purgatory, and I want to exercise mercy toward them by
means of indulgenced prayers. God's mercy is unfathomable and inexhaustible,
just as God himself is unfathomable. Even if I were to use the strongest
words there are to express this mercy of God, all this would be nothing in
comparison with what it is in reality. O Jesus, make my heart sensitive to
all the sufferings of my neighbor, whether of body or of soul. O my Jesus, I
know that You act toward us as we act toward our neighbor.
My Jesus, make my heart like unto
Your merciful Heart. Jesus, help me to go through life doing good to
everyone.
700 + Once, when I was very tired
and in much pain, I told Mother Superior [Irene] about it and received the
answer that I should get used to suffering. I listened to everything that
Mother told me, and then I went out. Our Mother Superior has great love of
neighbor and especially great love for the sick sisters, as everyone knows.
And yet, as regards me, it is extraordinary that the Lord Jesus has permitted
that she not understand me and that she test me much in this respect.
704 I spend every free moment at
the feet of the hidden God. He is my Master; I ask Him about everything; I
speak to Him about everything. Here I obtain strength and light; here I learn
everything; here I am given light on how to act toward my neighbor. From the
time I left the novitiate, I have enclosed myself in the tabernacle together
with Jesus, my Master. He himself drew me into the fire of living love on
which everything converges.
742 My daughter, if I demand
through you that people revere My mercy, you should be the first to
distinguish yourself by this confidence in My mercy. I demand from you deeds
of mercy, which are to arise out of love for Me. You are to show mercy to
your neighbors always and everywhere. You must not shrink from this or try to
excuse or absolve yourself from it.
I am giving you three ways of
exercising mercy toward your neighbor: the first-by deed, the second-by word,
the third-by prayer. In these three degrees is contained the fullness of
mercy, and it is an unquestionable proof of love for Me. By this means a soul
glorifies and pays reverence to My mercy. Yes, the first Sunday after Easter
is the Feast of Mercy, but there must also be acts of mercy, and I demand the
worship of My mercy through the solemn celebration of the Feast and through
the veneration of the image which is painted. By means of this image I shall
grant many graces to souls. It is to be a reminder of the demands of My
mercy, because even the strongest faith is of no avail without works. O my
Jesus, You yourself must help me in everything, because You see how very
little I am, and so I depend solely on Your goodness, O God.
+ Particular Examen
Union with the merciful Christ.
With my heart I encompass the whole world, especially countries which are uncivilized
or where there is persecution. I am praying for mercy upon them.
791 Hide me, Jesus, in the depths
of Your mercy, and then let my neighbor judge me as he pleases.
856 During the morning meditation,
I felt an aversion and a repugnance for all created things. Everything pales
before my eyes; my spirit is detached from all things. I desire only God
himself, and yet I must live. This is a martyrdom beyond description. God
imparts himself to the soul in a loving way and draws it into the infinite depths
of His divinity, but at the same time He leaves it here on earth for the sole
purpose that it might suffer and die of longing for Him. And this strong love
is so pure that God himself finds pleasure in it; and self-love has no access
to its deeds, for here everything is totally saturated with bitterness, and
thus is totally pure. Life is a continuous dying, painful and terrible, and
at the same time it is the depth of true life and of inconceivable happiness
and the strength of the soul; and because of this, [the soul] is capable of
great deeds for the sake of God.
861 Particular examen: remains the
same; namely, to unite myself with the Merciful Christ (that is; what would
Christ do in such and such a case?) and, in spirit, to embrace the whole
world, especially Russia and Spain.
General resolutions.
I. Strict observance of silence -
interior silence.
II. To see the image of God in
every sister; all love of neighbor must flow from this motive.
III. To do the will of God
faithfully at every moment of my life and to live by this.
IV. To give a faithful account of
everything to the spiritual director and not to undertake anything of
importance without a clear understanding with him. I shall try to clearly lay
bare to him the most secret depths of my soul, bearing in mind that I am
dealing with God himself, and that His representative is just a human being,
and so I must pray daily that he be given light.
V. During the evening examination
of conscience, I am to ask myself the question: What if He were to call me
today?
VI. Not to look for God far away,
but within my own being to abide with Him alone.
VII. In sufferings and torments,
to take refuge in the tabernacle and to be silent.
VIII. To join all sufferings,
prayers, works and mortifications to the merits of Jesus in order to obtain
mercy for the world.
IX. To use free moments, however
short, for prayers for the dying.
X. There must not be a day in my
life when I do not recommend to the Lord the works of our Congregation. Never
have regard for what others think of you [for human respect].
XI. Have no familiar relationships
with anyone. Gentle firmness toward the girls, boundless patience; punish
them severely but with such punishments as these: prayer and self-sacrifice.
The strength that is in the emptying of myself for their sake is for them a
[source of] constant remorse and the softening of their obdurate hearts.
XII. The presence of God is the
basis of all my thoughts, words and deeds.
XIII. To take advantage of all
spiritual help. To always put self-love in its proper place; namely, the
last. To perform my spiritual exercises as though I were doing them for the
last time in my life, and in like manner to carry out all my duties.
871 + My Master, cause my heart
never to expect help from anyone, but I will always strive to bring
assistance, consolation and all manner of relief to others. My heart is
always open to the sufferings of others; and I will not close my heart to the
sufferings of others, even though because of this I have been scornfully
nicknamed "dump"; that is, [because] everyone dumps his pain into
my heart. [To this] I answered that everyone has a place in my heart and I,
in return, have a place in the Heart of Jesus. Taunts regarding the law of
love will not narrow my heart. My soul is always sensitive on this point, and
Jesus alone is the motive for my love of neighbor.
944 + There are moments when I
mistrust myself, when I feel my own weakness and wretchedness in the most
profound depths of my own being, and I have noticed that I can endure such
moments only by trusting in the infinite mercy of God. Patience, prayer and
silence-these are what give strength to the soul. There are moments when one
should be silent, and when it would be inappropriate to talk with creatures;
these are the moments when one is dissatisfied with oneself, and when the
soul feels as weak as a little child. Then the soul clings to God with all
its might. At such times, I live solely by faith, and when I feel
strengthened by God's grace, then I am more courageous in speaking and
communicating with my neighbors.
1039 + I suffer great pain at the
sight of the sufferings of others. All these sufferings are reflected in my
heart. I carry their torments in my heart so that it even wears me out
physically. I would like all pains to fall upon me so as to bring relief to
my neighbor.
1662 + O Christ, suffering for You
is the delight of my heart and my soul. Prolong my sufferings to infinity,
that I may give You a proof of my love. I accept everything that Your hand
will hold out to me. Your love, Jesus, is enough for me. I will glorify You
in abandonment and darkness, in agony and fear, in pain and bitterness, in
anguish of spirit and grief of heart. In all things may You be blessed. My
heart is so detached from the earth, that You Yourself are enough for me.
There is no longer any moment in my life for self concern.
1663 Holy Thursday [April 14, 1938]. Today I
felt strong enough to take part in the ceremonies of the Church. During Holy
Mass, Jesus stood before me and said, Look into My Heart and see there the
love and mercy which I have for humankind, and especially for sinners. Look,
and enter into My Passion. In an instant, I experienced and lived through the
whole Passion of Jesus in my own heart. I was surprised that these tortures
did not deprive me of my life.
1664 During adoration, Jesus said
to me, My daughter, know that your ardent love and the compassion you have
for Me were a consolation to Me in the Garden [of Olives].
1665 During Holy Hour in the
evening, I heard the words, You see My mercy for sinners, which at this
moment is revealing itself in all its power. See how little you have written
about it; it is only a single drop. Do what is in your power, so that sinners
may come to know My goodness.
(Diary
of Sister Faustina Kowalska Notebook-I-77, 93, 96-98, 101 116, 118, 147, 173)
(Diary
of Sister Faustina Kowalska Notebook-I-163, 216, 241, 267, 275, 278-279, 281)
(Diary
of Sister Faustina Kowalska Notebook-I-287, 282-283, 294, 296, 343, 375, 383)
(Diary
of Sister Faustina Kowalska Notebook-II-549, 571, 590, 692, 700, 704, 742)
(Diary
of Sister Faustina Kowalska Notebook-II-791, 856, 861, 871, 944)
(Diary
of Sister Faustina Kowalska Notebook-III-1029, 1039)
(Diary
of Sister Faustina Kowalska Notebook-VI-1662-1663)
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Marso 31, 2017
Trust; A Lenten Resolution-Divine Mercy Miracles Meditations
Marso 30, 2017
God’s Testimony-Divine Mercy Miracles Meditations
God’s Testimony
|
|
March 30, 2017. Thursday
of the Fourth Week of Lent
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John 5:31-47
Jesus said to the
Jews: "If I testify on my own behalf, my testimony cannot be verified.
But there is another who testifies on my behalf, and I know that the
testimony he gives on my behalf is true. You sent emissaries to John, and he
testified to the truth. I do not accept testimony from a human being, but I
say this so that you may be saved. He was a burning and shining lamp, and for
a while you were content to rejoice in his light. But I have testimony
greater than John´s. The works that the Father gave me to accomplish, these
works that I perform testify on my behalf that the Father has sent me.
Moreover, the Father who sent me has testified on my behalf. But you have never
heard his voice nor seen his form, and you do not have his word remaining in
you, because you do not believe in the one whom he has sent. You search the
Scriptures, because you think you have eternal life through them; even they
testify on my behalf. But you do not want to come to me to have life. I do
not accept human praise; moreover, I know that you do not have the love of
God in you. I came in the name of my Father, but you do not accept me; yet if
another comes in his own name, you will accept him. How can you believe, when
you accept praise from one another and do not seek the praise that comes from
the only God? Do not think that I will accuse you before the Father: the one
who will accuse you is Moses, in whom you have placed your hope. For if you
had believed Moses, you would have believed me, because he wrote about me.
But if you do not believe his writings, how will you believe my words?"
Introductory Prayer: Jesus, the gift of faith permits me to soar higher. I believe
in You! I lend myself to this intricate duty of faith, and with a hopeful
trust, I leap toward Your infinite love. I love You, Lord. I have come to
spend this time with You just because I want to be with You.
Petition: Lord, help me to live with purity of
intention.
1. Seeking Human
Praise: Jesus said, “I do
not accept human praise.” Why? His Father deserves all the credit for
anything that exists because, after all, he created everything. Knowing and
accepting this is indeed a quick path to holiness. Jesus is God, but he leaves
us a splendid example of how man should search for God’s glory and not his
own. When we look for our own “fan club,” we are really stripping God of the
glory that he alone deserves. When we seek praise from men and work hard to
be accepted by them, we are standing before a guillotine that severs a head
from its body. However, by purifying our intentions and glorifying God alone
through all our actions and thoughts, eternal life is merited for us and for
many souls.
2. The Proper
Motives for Our Deeds:
Self-seeking doesn’t work. True, selfless love does. There are some
advantages to living a life that seeks only God’s glory. The benefit achieved
is order. We learn to maintain the proper hierarchy in our values and to keep
things in their place. When parents need to punish a wayward child, their
question is: “Are we punishing him because he has done something wrong and
needs to be taught a lesson?” Or do they allow their anger to get the best of
them, and the punishment then becomes a release valve for their fury?
Likewise, in our use of the material goods we have at our disposal, do we use
them out of pure love of God or only for our comfort?
3. True Peace of
Heart: When children do
something wrong, they usually act nervously when their wrongdoing is uncovered.
However, when they are mistakenly blamed, they show a convincing innocence,
and the accuser retracts in time to avoid harm. The same could be said about
purity of intention. If a soul labors only for God’s glory, then a certain
guarantee of fulfillment necessarily accompanies his destiny. No matter how
many obstacles and misunderstandings might besiege him, the soul who follows
God’s will enjoys peace.
Conversation with
Christ: Lord Jesus, You teach me in the Gospel to
add a supernatural dimension to all my enterprises and efforts. This mortal
existence on earth is a mere drop in the ocean compared to eternity that will
quickly engulf me. Help me to do all for Your greater glory.
Resolution: In my conversations today, I will not brag
about myself. I will try to focus the conversation on the interests of
others.
Excerpts from the
DIARY of Saint Faustina Kowalska
1 O Eternal Love, You command Your Sacred Image [1]
to be painted And reveal to us the inconceivable fount of mercy,
You bless whoever approaches Your rays, And a soul all black will turn into snow. O sweet Jesus, it is here [2] You established the throne of Your mercy To bring joy and hope to sinful man. From Your open Heart, as from a pure fount, Flows comfort to a repentant heart and soul. May praise and glory for this Image Never cease to stream from man's soul. May praise of God's mercy pour from every heart, Now, and at every hour, and forever and ever.
O My God
2 When I look into the future, I am frightened, But why plunge into the future? Only the present moment is precious to me, As the future may never enter my soul at all. It is no longer in my power, To change, correct or add to the past; For neither sages nor prophets could do that. And so, what the past has embraced I must entrust to God. O present moment, you belong to me, whole and entire. I desire to use you as best I can. And although I am weak and small, You grant me the grace of your omnipotence. And so, trusting in Your mercy, I walk through life like a little child, Offering You each day this heart Burning with love for Your greater glory.
24 One day,
just as I had awakened, when I was putting myself in the presence of God, I
was suddenly overwhelmed by despair. Complete darkness in the soul. I fought
as best I could till noon. In the afternoon, truly deadly fears began to
seize me; my physical strength began to leave me. I went quickly to my cell,
fell on my knees before the Crucifix and began to cry out for mercy. But
Jesus did not hear my cries. I felt my physical strength leave me completely.
I fell to the ground, despair flooding my whole soul. I suffered terrible
tortures in no way different from the torments of hell. I was in this state
for three quarters of an hour. I wanted to go and see the Directress, but was
too weak. I wanted to shout but I had no voice. Fortunately, one of the sisters
[another novice, Sister Placida Putyra] came into my cell. Finding me in such
a strange condition, she immediately told the Directress about it. Mother
came at once. As soon as she entered the cell she said, "In the name of
holy obedience [16]
get up from the ground." Immediately some force raised me up from the
ground and I stood up, close to the dear Mother Directress. With kindly words
she began to explain to me that this was a trial sent to me by God, saying,
"Have great confidence; God is always our Father, even when He sends us
trials."
I returned to my duties as if I had come out from the tomb, my senses saturated with what my soul had experienced. During the evening service, my soul began to agonize again in a terrible darkness. I felt that I was in the power of the Just God, and that I was the object of His indignation. During these terrible moments I said to God, "Jesus, who in the Gospel compare Yourself to a most tender mother," I trust in Your words because You are Truth and Life. In spite of everything, Jesus, I trust in You in the face of every interior sentiment which sets itself against hope. Do what You want with me; I will never leave You, because You are the source of my life." Only one who has lived through similar moments can understand how terrible is this torment of the soul.
76 O my Jesus, direct my mind,
take possession of my whole being, enclose me in the depths of Your heart,
and protect me against the assaults of the enemy. My only hope is in You.
Speak through my mouth when I, wretchedness itself, find myself with the
mighty and wise, so that they will know that this undertaking is Yours and
comes from You.
Darkness and Temptations
77 My mind became dimmed in a
strange way; no truth seemed clear to me. When people spoke to me about God,
my heart was like a rock. I could not draw from it a single sentiment of love
for Him. When I tried, by an act of the will, to remain close to Him, I
experienced great torments, and it seemed to me that I was only provoking God
to an even greater anger. It was absolutely impossible for me to meditate as
I had been accustomed to do in the past. I felt in my soul a great void, and
there was nothing with which I could fill it. I began to suffer from a great
hunger and yearning for God, but I saw my utter powerlessness. I tried to
read slowly, sentence by sentence, and to meditate in this way, but this also
was of no avail. I understood nothing of what I had read.
The abyss of my misery was constantly before my eyes. Every time I entered the chapel for some spiritual exercise, I experienced even worse torments and temptations. More than once, all through Holy Mass, I had to struggle against blasphemous thoughts which were forcing themselves to my lips. I felt an aversion for the Holy Sacraments, and it seemed to me that I was not profiting from them in any way. It was only out of obedience to my confessor that I frequented them, and this blind obedience was for me the only path I could follow and my very last hope of survival. The priest explained to me that these were trials sent by God and that, in the situation I was in, not only was I not offending God, but I was most pleasing to Him. "This is a sign," he told me, "that God loves you very much and that He has great confidence in you, since He is sending you such trials." But these words brought me no comfort; it seemed to me that they did not apply to me at all. One thing did surprise me: it often happened that, at the time when I was suffering greatly, these terrible torments would disappear suddenly just as I was approaching the confessional; but as soon as I had left the confessional, all these torments would again seize me with even greater ferocity. I would then fall on my face before the Blessed Sacrament repeating these words: "Even if You kill me, still will I trust in You!" [cf. Job 13:15] It seemed to me that I would die in these agonies. But the most terrible thought for me was the conviction that I had been rejected by God. Then other thoughts came to me: why strive to acquire virtues and do good works? why mortify and annihilate yourself? what good is it to take vows? to pray? to sacrifice and immolate yourself? why sacrifice myself all the time? what good is it - if I am already rejected by God? why all these efforts? And here, God alone knew what was going on in my heart.
97 Faith staggers under the
impact; the struggle is fierce. The soul tries hard to cling to God by an act
of will. With God's permission, Satan goes even further: hope and love are
put to the test. These temptations are terrible. God supports the soul in
secret, so to speak. The soul is not aware of this, but otherwise it would be
impossible to stand firm; and God knows very well how much He can allow to
befall a soul. The soul is tempted to unbelief in respect to revealed truths
and to insincerity toward the confessor. Satan says to it, "Look, no one
understands you; why speak about all this?" Words that terrify it sound
in its ears, and it seems to the soul that it is uttering these against God. It
sees what it does not want to see. It hears what it does not want to hear.
And, oh, it is a terrible thing at times like these not to have an
experienced confessor! The soul carries the whole burden alone. However, one
should make every effort to find, if it is at all possible, a well-informed
confessor, for the soul can collapse under the burden and come to the very
edge of the precipice. All these trials are heavy and difficult. God does not
send them to a soul which has not already been admitted to a deeper intimacy
with Him and which has not yet tasted the divine delights. Besides, in this
God has His own plans, which for us are impenetrable. God often prepares a
soul in this way for His future designs and great works. He wants to try it
as pure gold is tried. But this is not yet the end of the testing; there is
still the trial of trials, the complete abandonment of the soul by God.
God, One in the Holy Trinity.
283 I want to love You as no human
soul has ever loved You before; and although I am utterly miserable and
small, I have nevertheless cast the anchor of my trust deep down into the
abyss of Your mercy, O my God and Creator! In spite of my great misery I fear
nothing, but hope to sing You a hymn of glory for ever. Let no soul, even the
most miserable, fall prey to doubt; for, as long as one is alive, each one
can become a great saint, so great is the power of God's grace. It remains
only for us not to oppose God's action.
304 +O my Jesus, my only hope,
thank You for the book which You have opened before my soul's eyes. That book
is Your Passion which You underwent for love of me. It is from this book that
I have learned how to love God and souls. In this book there are found for us
inexhaustible treasures. O Jesus, how few souls understand You in Your
martyrdom of love! Oh, how great is the fire of purest love which burns in
Your Most Sacred Heart! Happy the soul that has come to understand the love
of the Heart of Jesus!
308 1934, Holy Thursday. Jesus
said to me, I desire that you make an offering of yourself for sinners and
especially far those souls who have lost hope in God's mercy.
God and Souls. An Act of Oblation.
309 Before heaven and earth,
before all the choirs of Angels, before the Most Holy Virgin Mary, before all
the Powers of heaven, I declare to the One Triune God that today, in union
with Jesus Christ, Redeemer of souls, I make a voluntary offering of myself
for the conversion of sinners, especially for those souls who have lost hope
in God's mercy. This offering consists in my accepting, with total subjection
to God's will, all the sufferings, fears and terrors with which sinners are
filled. In return, I give them all the consolations which my soul receives
from my communion with God. In a word, I offer everything for them: Holy
Masses, Holy Communions, penances, mortifications, prayers. I do not fear the
blows, blows of divine justice, because I am united with Jesus. O my God, in
this way I want to make amends to You for the souls that do not trust in Your
goodness. I hope against all hope in the ocean of Your mercy. My Lord and my
God, my portion-my portion forever, I do not base this act of oblation on my
own strength, but on the strength that flows from the merits of Jesus Christ.
I will daily repeat this act of self-oblation by pronouncing the following
prayer which You yourself have taught me, Jesus:
"O Blood and Water which gushed forth from the Heart of Jesus as a Fount of Mercy for us, I trust in You!"
S. M. Faustina of the Blessed
Sacrament
Holy Thursday, during Holy Mass, March 29, 1934.
310 I
am giving you a share in the redemption of mankind. You are solace in My
dying hour.
317 O my God, my only hope, I have
placed all my trust in You, and I know I shall not be disappointed.
319 August 9, 1934. Night adoration
on Thursdays.[79] I made my hour of adoration from eleven o'clock till
midnight. I offered it for the conversion of hardened sinners, especially for
those who have lost hope in God's mercy. I was reflecting on how much God had
suffered and on how great was the love He had shown for us, and on the fact
that we still do not believe that God loves us so much. O Jesus, who can
understand this? What suffering it is for our Savior! How can He convince us
of His love if even His death cannot convince us? I called upon the whole of
heaven to join me in making amends to the Lord for the ingratitude of certain
souls.
343 True love is measured by the thermometer of
suffering. Jesus, I thank You for the little daily crosses, for opposition to
my endeavors, for the hardships of communal life, for the misinterpretation
of my intentions, for humiliations at the hands of others, for the harsh way
in which we are treated, for false suspicions, for poor health and loss of
strength, for self-denial, for dying to myself, for lack of recognition in
everything, for the upsetting of all my plans.
Thank You, Jesus, for interior sufferings, for dryness of spirit, for terrors, fears and incertitudes, for the darkness and the deep interior night, for temptations and various ordeals, for torments too difficult to describe, especially for those which no one will understand, for the hour of death with its fierce struggle and all its bitterness. I thank You, Jesus, You who first drank the cup of bitterness before You gave it to me, in a much milder form. I put my lips to this cup of Your holy will. Let all be done according to Your good pleasure; let that which Your wisdom ordained before the ages be done to me. I want to drink the cup to its last drop, and not seek to know the reason why. In bitterness is my joy, in hopelessness is my trust. In You, O Lord, all is good, all is a gift of Your paternal Heart. I do not prefer consolations over bitterness or bitterness over consolations, but thank You, O Jesus, for everything! It is my delight to fix my gaze upon You, O incomprehensible God! My spirit abides in these mysterious dwelling places, and there I am at home. I know very well the dwelling place of my Spouse. I feel there is not a single drop of blood in me that does not burn with love for You. O Uncreated Beauty, whoever comes to know You once cannot love anything else. I can feel the bottomless abyss of my soul, and nothing will fill it but God himself. I feel that I am drowned in Him like a single grain of sand in a bottomless ocean.
356 O Blessed Host, in whom is
contained the testament of God's mercy for us, and especially for poor
sinners.
O Blessed Host, in whom is contained the Body and Blood of the Lord Jesus as proof of infinite mercy for us, and especially for poor sinners. O Blessed Host, in whom is contained life eternal and of infinite mercy, dispensed in abundance to us and especially to poor sinners. O Blessed Host, in whom is contained the mercy of the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit toward us, and especially toward poor sinners. O Blessed Host, in whom is contained the infinite price of mercy which will compensate for all our debts, and especially those of poor sinners. O Blessed Host, in whom is contained the fountain of living water which springs from infinite mercy for us, and especially for poor sinners. O Blessed Host, in whom is contained the fire of purest love which blazes forth from the bosom of the Eternal Father, as from an abyss of infinite mercy for us, and especially for poor sinners. O Blessed Host, in whom is contained the medicine for all our infirmities, flowing from infinite mercy, as from a fount, for us and especially for poor sinners. O Blessed Host, in whom is contained the union between God and us through His infinite mercy for us, and especially for poor sinners. O Blessed Host, in whom are contained all the sentiments of the most sweet Heart of Jesus toward us, and especially poor sinners. O Blessed Host, our only hope in all the sufferings and adversities of life. O Blessed Host, our only hope in the midst of darkness and of storms within and without. O Blessed Host, our only hope in life and at the hour of our death. O Blessed Host, our only hope in the midst of adversities and floods of despair. O Blessed Host, our only hope in the midst of falsehood and treason. O Blessed Host, our only hope in the midst of the darkness and godlessness which inundate the earth. O Blessed Host, our only hope in the longing and pain in which no one will understand us. O Blessed Host, our only hope in the toil and monotony of everyday life. O Blessed Host, our only hope amid the ruin of our hopes and endeavors. O Blessed Host, our only hope in the midst of the ravages of the enemy and the efforts of hell. O Blessed Host, I trust in You when the burdens are beyond my strength and I find my efforts are fruitless. O Blessed Host, I trust in You when storms toss my heart about and my fearful spirit tends to despair. O Blessed Host, I trust in You when my heart is about to tremble and mortal sweat moistens my brow. O Blessed Host, I trust in You when everything conspires against me and black despair creeps into my soul. O Blessed Host, I trust in You when my eyes will begin to grow dim to all temporal things and, for the first time, my spirit will behold the unknown worlds. O Blessed Host, I trust in You when my tasks will be beyond my strength and adversity will become my daily lot. O Blessed Host I trust in You when the practice of virtue will appear difficult for me and my nature will grow rebellious. O Blessed Host, I trust in You when hostile blows will be aimed against me. O Blessed Host, I trust in You when my toils and efforts will be misjudged by others. O Blessed Host, I trust in You when Your judgments will resound over me; it is then that I will trust in the sea of Your mercy.
525 O
Holy Trinity, in whom is contained the inner life of God, the Father, the
Son, and the Holy Spirit, eternal joy, inconceivable depth of love, poured
out upon all creatures and constituting their happiness, honor and glory be
to Your holy name forever and ever. Amen.
When I consider Your greatness and beauty, O my God, I rejoice exceedingly that the Lord I serve is so great. With love and joy I carry out His will, and the more I come to know Him, the more I desire to love Him. I burn with the desire to love Him ever more and more.
526 +
The 14th. This Thursday, when we were having nocturnal adoration, at first I
could not pray; a sort of dryness engulfed me. I could not meditate on Jesus'
sorrowful Passion. So I lay prostrate and offered the most sorrowful Passion
of the Lord Jesus to the heavenly Father in reparation for the sins of all
the world. When I got to my feet after this prayer and walked to my kneeler,
I suddenly saw Jesus next to it. The Lord Jesus appeared as He was during the
scourging. In His hands He was holding a white garment with which He clothed
me and a cord with which He girded me, and He covered me with a red cloak
like the one He was clothed with during His Passion and a veil of the same
color, and He said to me, This is how you and your companions are going to
be clothed. My life from birth to death on the Cross will be the rule for you.
Fix your eyes upon Me and live according to what you see. I desire that you
penetrate into My spirit more deeply and understand that I am meek and humble
of heart.
531
November 24, 1935. Sunday, first day. I went at once before the Blessed
Sacrament and offered myself with Jesus, present in the Most Holy Sacrament,
to the Everlasting Father. Then I heard these words in my soul: Your
purpose and that of your companions is to unite yourselves with Me as closely
as possible; through love You will reconcile earth with heaven, you will
soften the just anger of God, and you will plead for mercy for the world. I
place in your care two pearls very precious to My Heart: these are the souls
of priests and religious. You will pray particularly for them; their power will
come from your diminishment. You will join prayers, fasts, mortifications,
labors and all sufferings to My prayer, fasting, mortification, labors and
sufferings and then they will have power before My Father.
535
Obedience. I have come to do My Father's will. I obeyed My parents, I
obeyed My tormentors and now I obey the priests. I understand, O Jesus,
the spirit of obedience and in what it consists. It includes not only
external performance, but also the reason, the will and judgment. Obeying our
superiors, we obey God. It makes no difference whether it is an angel or a
man who, acting in God's stead, gives me orders; I must always obey. I am not
going to write much about the vows; they are clear and specific. I will
rather put down a few general thoughts about this congregation.
570 On
one occasion, I saw Jesus in a bright garment; this was in the greenhouse.
[He said to me,] Write what I say to you. My delight is to be united with
you. With great desire, I wait and long for the time when I shall take up My
residence sacramentally in your convent. My spirit will rest in that convent
and I will bless its neighborhood in a special way. Out of love for you all,
I will avert any punishments which are rightly meted out by My Father's
justice. My daughter, I have inclined My heart to your requests. Your
assignment and duty here on earth is to beg for mercy for the whole world. No
soul will be justified until it turns with confidence to My mercy, and this
is why the first Sunday after Easter is to be the Feast of Mercy. On that
day, priests are to tell everyone about My great and unfathomable mercy. I am
making you the administrator of My mercy. Tell the confessor that the Image
is to be on view in the church and not within the enclosure in that convent.
By means of this Image I shall be granting many graces to souls; so let every
soul have access to it.
571 O my Jesus, Eternal Truth, I fear nothing, neither hardships nor sufferings; I fear only one thing, and that is to offend You. My Jesus, I would rather not exist than make You sad. Jesus, You know that my love knows no one but You. My soul is absorbed in You. 572 Oh, how great should be the ardor of every soul who will live in that convent, since God desires to come and live with us! Let everyone remember that if we religious do not intercede before God, who will? Each of us should burn like a pure sacrifice before the majesty of God, but to be pleasing to God, each one should unite herself closely to Jesus. It is only with Him, in Him and through Him that we can be pleasing to God.
650 O my Jesus, my Master and
Director, strengthen and enlighten me in these difficult moments of my life.
I expect no help from people; all my hope is in You. I feel alone in the face
of Your demands, O Lord. Despite the fears and qualms of my nature, I am
fulfilling Your holy will and desire to fulfill it as faithfully as possible
throughout my life and in my death. Jesus, with You I can do all things. Do
with me as You please; only give me Your merciful Heart and that is enough
for me.
O Jesus my Lord, help me. Let what You have planned before all ages happen to me. I am ready at each beckoning of Your holy will. Enlighten my mind that I may know Your will. O God, You who pervade my soul, You know that I desire nothing but Your glory. O Divine Will, You are the delight of my heart, the food of my soul, the light of my intellect, the omnipotent strength of my will; for when I unite myself with Your will, O Lord, Your power works through me and takes the place of my feeble will. Each day, I seek to carry out God's wishes
681 + Amid the greatest torments, I fix the gaze of my
soul upon Jesus Crucified; I do not expect help from people, but place my
trust in God. In His unfathomable mercy lies all my hope.
687 Once, as I was going down the hall to the kitchen, I
heard these words in my soul: Say unceasingly the chaplet that I have
taught you. Whoever will recite it will receive great mercy at the hour of
death. Priests will recommend it to sinners as their last hope of salvation.
Even if there were a sinner most hardened, if he were to recite this chaplet
only once, he would receive grace from My infinite mercy. I desire that the
whole world know My infinite mercy. I desire to grant unimaginable graces to
those souls who trust in My mercy.
746 I have understood that at certain and most difficult
moments I shall be alone, deserted by everyone, and that I must face all the
storms and fight with all the strength of my soul, even with those from whom
I expected to get help.
But I am not alone, because Jesus is with me, and with Him I fear nothing. I am well aware of everything, and I know what God is demanding of me. Suffering, contempt, ridicule, persecution and humiliation will be my constant lot. I know no other way. For sincere love-ingratitude; this is my path, marked out by the footprints of Jesus. My Jesus, my strength and my only hope, in You alone is all my hope. My trust will not be frustrated.
908 + O
Jesus, how sorry I feel for poor sinners. Jesus, grant them contrition and
repentance. Remember Your own sorrowful Passion. I know Your infinite mercy
and cannot bear it that a soul that has cost You so much should perish.
Jesus, give me the souls of sinners; let Your mercy rest upon them. Take
everything away from me, but give me souls. I want to become a sacrificial
host for sinners. Let the shell of my body conceal my offering, for Your Most
Sacred Heart is also hidden in a Host, and certainly You are a living
sacrifice.
Transform me into Yourself, O Jesus, that I may be a living sacrifice and pleasing to You. I desire to atone at each moment for poor sinners. The sacrifice of my spirit is hidden under the veil of the body; the human eye does not perceive it, and for that reason it is pure and pleasing to You. O my Creator and Father of great mercy, I trust in You, for You are Goodness Itself. Souls, do not be afraid of God, but trust in Him, for He is good, and His mercy is everlasting.
949 Let the doubting soul read these considerations on
Divine Mercy and become trusting. [171]
Divine Mercy, gushing forth from the bosom of the Father, I trust in You. Divine Mercy, greatest attribute of God, I trust in You. Divine Mercy, incomprehensible mystery, I trust in You. Divine Mercy, fount gushing forth from the mystery of the Most Blessed Trinity, I trust in You. Divine Mercy, unfathomed by any intellect, human or angelic, I trust in You. Divine Mercy, from which wells forth all life and happiness, I trust in You. Divine Mercy, better than the heavens, I trust in You. Divine Mercy, source of miracles and wonders, I trust in You. Divine Mercy, encompassing the whole universe, I trust in You. Divine Mercy, descending to earth in the Person of the Incarnate Word, I trust in You. Divine Mercy, which flowed out from the open wound of the Heart of Jesus, I trust in You. Divine Mercy, enclosed in the Heart of Jesus for us, and especially for sinners, I trust in You. Divine Mercy, unfathomed in the institution of the Sacred Host, I trust in You. Divine Mercy, in the founding of Holy Church, I trust in You. Divine Mercy, in the Sacrament of Holy Baptism, I trust in You. Divine Mercy, in our justification through Jesus Christ, I trust in You. Divine Mercy, accompanying us through our whole life, I trust in You. Divine Mercy, embracing us especially at the hour of death, I trust in You. Divine Mercy, endowing us with immortal life, I trust in You. Divine Mercy, accompanying us every moment of our life, I trust in You. Divine Mercy, shielding us from the fire of hell, I trust in You. Divine Mercy, in the conversion of hardened sinners, I trust in You. Divine Mercy, astonishment for Angels, incomprehensible to Saints, I trust in You. Divine Mercy, unfathomed in all the mysteries of God, I trust in You. Divine Mercy, lifting us out of every misery, I trust in You. Divine Mercy, source of our happiness and joy, I trust in You. Divine Mercy, in calling us forth from nothingness to existence, I trust in You. Divine Mercy, embracing all the works of His hands, I trust in You. Divine Mercy, crown of all of God's handiwork, I trust in You. Divine Mercy, in which we are all immersed, I trust in You. Divine Mercy, sweet relief for anguished hearts, I trust in You. Divine Mercy, only hope of despairing souls, I trust in You. Divine Mercy, repose of hearts, peace amidst fear, I trust in You. Divine Mercy, delight and ecstasy of holy souls, I trust in You. Divine Mercy, inspiring hope against all hope, I trust in You.
950 + Eternal God, in whom mercy is endless and the
treasury of compassion inexhaustible, look kindly upon us and increase Your
mercy in us, that in difficult moments we might not despair nor become
despondent, but with great confidence submit ourselves to Your holy will,
which is Love and Mercy itself.
951 + O incomprehensible and limitless Mercy Divine, To
extol and adore You worthily, who can? Supreme attribute of Almighty God, You
are the sweet hope for sinful man.
Into one hymn yourselves unite, stars, earth and sea, and in one accord, thankfully and fervently sing of the incomprehensible Divine Mercy.
955
February 15, 1937. Today, I heard these words in my soul: Host pleasing to
My Father, know, My daughter, that the entire Holy Trinity finds Its special
delight in you, because you live exclusively by the will of God. No sacrifice
can compare with this.
956 +
After these words, the knowledge of God's will came to me; that is to say, I
now see everything from a higher point of view and accept all events and
things, pleasant and unpleasant, with love, as tokens of the heavenly
Father's special affection.
965 Jesus looked at me and said, Souls
perish in spite of My bitter Passion. I am giving them the last hope of
salvation; that is, the Feast of My Mercy. If they will not adore My mercy,
they will perish for all eternity. Secretary of My mercy, write, tell souls
about this great mercy of Mine, because the awful day, the day of My justice,
is near.
994
Today, when I heard the hymn, "Good night, Holy Head of My Jesus,"
on the radio, my spirit was suddenly drowned in God, and divine love flooded
my soul; I dwelt for a moment with the heavenly Father.
995 + Although it is not easy to live in constant agony, To be nailed to the cross of various pains, Still, I am inflamed with love by loving, And like a Seraph I love God, though I am but weakness. Oh, great is the soul that, midst suffering, Stands faithfully by God and does His will And remains uncomforted midst great rainbows and storms, For God's pure love sweetens her fate. It is no great thing to love God in prosperity And thank Him when all goes well, But rather to adore Him midst great adversities And love Him for His own sake and place one's hope in Him. When the soul is in the shadows of Gethsemane, All alone in the bitterness of pain, It ascends toward the heights of Jesus, And though ever drinking bitterness-it is not sad. When the soul does the will of the Most High God, Even amidst constant pain and torments, Having pressed its lips to the chalice proferred, It becomes mighty, and nothing will daunt it. Though tortured, it repeats: Your will be done, Patiently awaiting the moment of its transfiguration, For, though in deepest darkness, it hears the voice of Jesus: You are Mine, And this it will know fully when the veil falls.
998 Today, I took part in a one-day retreat. When I was at
the last conference, [177]
the priest was speaking of how much the world needs God's mercy, and that
this seems to be a special time when people have great need of prayer and
God's mercy. Then I heard a voice in my soul: These words are for you. Do
all you possibly can for this work of My mercy. I desire that My mercy be
worshiped, and I am giving mankind the last hope of salvation; that is,
recourse to My mercy. My Heart rejoices in this feast. After these words,
I understood that nothing can dispense me from the obligation which the Lord
demands from me.
1001 +
J.M.J.
Thank You, O Lord, my Master, That You have transformed me entirely into Yourself, And accompany me through life's toils and labors; I fear nothing when I have You in my heart.
1032 +
During Holy Mass, I saw the Lord Jesus nailed upon the cross amidst great
torments. A soft moan issued from His Heart. After some time, He said, I
thirst. I thirst for the salvation of souls. Help Me, My daughter, to save
souls. Join your sufferings to My Passion and offer them to the heavenly
Father for sinners.
1041 An
ardent desire for this Feast [181] is
burning up my whole soul. In fervent prayer for the hastening of the Feast I
find some relief, and I have begun a novena for the intention of certain
priests that God may grant them light and inspiration to apply for the
promulgation of this Feast, and that the Spirit of God inspire the Holy
Father regarding the entire matter.
The novena consists of an hour of adoration before the Blessed Sacrament. I have implored God to hasten this Feast and have asked the Holy Spirit to inspire certain people regarding this whole matter. I am finishing this novena on Holy Thursday. 1042 + March 23, 1937. Today is the seventh day of the novena. I have received a great and inconceivable grace: the Most Merciful Jesus has promised that I will be present at the celebration of this solemn Feast.
1044
Suddenly, God's presence took hold of me, and at once I saw myself in Rome,
in the Holy Father's chapel and at the same time I was in our chapel. And the
celebration of the Holy Father and the entire Church was closely connected
with our chapel and, in a very special way, with our Congregation. And I took
part in the solemn celebration simultaneously here and in Rome, for the
celebration was so closely connected with Rome that, even as I write, I
cannot distinguish the two but I am writing it down as I saw it. I saw the
Lord Jesus in our chapel, exposed in the monstrance on the high altar. The
chapel was adorned as for a feast, and on that day anyone who wanted to come
was allowed in. [182] The
crowd was so enormous that the eye could not take it all in. Everyone was
participating in the celebrations with great joy, and many of them obtained
what they desired. The same celebration was held in Rome, in a beautiful
church, and the Holy Father, with all the clergy, was celebrating this Feast,
and then suddenly I saw Saint Peter, who stood between the altar and the Holy
Father. I could not hear what Saint Peter said but I saw that the Holy Father
understood his words....
1047
Then suddenly I saw on our altar the living Lord Jesus, just as He is
depicted in the image. Yet I felt that the sisters and all the people did not
see the Lord Jesus as I saw Him. Jesus looked with great kindness and joy at
the Holy Father, at certain priests, at the entire clergy, at the people and
at our Congregation.
1115
May 4. Today I went to see Mother General [Michael] for a moment and asked
her, "Dear Mother, have you had any inspiration regarding my leaving the
convent?" Mother General answered, "Until the present, Sister, I
have always restrained you, but now I leave you complete freedom to choose to
do as you wish; you can leave the Congregation or you can stay." So I
answered, "Very well." I thought of writing immediately to the Holy
Father to ask him to release me from my vows. [194] When
I had left Mother General, darkness once again descended upon my soul, as it
had in the past. It is strange that, each time I ask permission to leave the
Congregation, this darkness invades my soul, and I feel as though I have been
left completely on my own. While experiencing this torment of the spirit, I
decided to go immediately to Mother and tell her about my strange torment and
struggle. Mother answered, "That leaving of yours is a temptation."
After talking to her for a while I felt some relief, but the darkness
persisted. "This Divine Mercy is a beautiful thing, and it must be a
great work of the Lord, since Satan opposes it so much and wants to destroy
it." Such were the words of our beloved Mother General.
1116 No
one can understand or comprehend, nor can I myself describe, my torments. But
there can be no sufferings greater than this. The sufferings of the martyrs
are not greater because, at such times, death would be a relief for me. There
is nothing to which I can compare these sufferings, this endless agony of the
soul.
1118 My God! In these difficult
moments my spiritual director [Father Andrasz] is away, for he has gone to
Rome. Jesus, since You have taken him away from me, guide me Yourself,
because You alone know how much I can bear. I believe firmly that God cannot
give me more than I can bear. I trust in His mercy.
1123 Oh, how sweet it is to have
in the depth of one's soul that which the Church tells us we must believe.
When my soul is immersed in love, I solve the most intricate questions
clearly and quickly. Only love is able to cross over precipices and mountain
peaks. Love, once again, love.
1558 February 2, [1938]. Darkness
of the soul. Today is the Feast of the Mother of God, and in my soul it is so
dark. The Lord has hidden Himself, and I am alone, all alone. My mind has
become so dimmed that I see only phantasies about me. Not a single ray of
light penetrates my soul. I do not understand myself or those who speak to
me. Frightful temptations regarding the holy faith assail me. O my Jesus,
save me. I cannot say anything more. I cannot describe these things in
detail, for I fear lest someone be scandalized on reading this. I am
astounded that such torments could befall a soul. O hurricane, what are you
doing to the boat of my heart? This storm has lasted the whole day and night.
When Mother Superior [Irene] came in to see me and asked, "Would you like to take advantage of this occasion, Sister, since Father An. [Andrasz] is coming to hear confessions?" I answered, no. It seemed to me that Father would not understand me, nor would I be able to make a confession. I spent the whole night with Jesus in Gethsemane. From my breast there escaped one continuous moan. A natural dying will be much easier, because then one is in agony and will die; while here, one is in agony, but cannot die. O Jesus, I never thought such suffering could exist. Nothingness: that is the reality. O Jesus, save me! I believe in You with all my heart. So many times have I seen the radiance of Your face, and now, where are You, Lord?... I believe, I believe, and again I believe in You, Triune God, Father, Son and Holy Spirit, and in all the truths which Your holy Church gives me to believe... But the darkness does not recede, and my spirit plunges into even greater agony. And at that moment, such terrible torment overwhelmed me that now I am amazed at myself that I did not breathe my last, but this was for only a brief instant.
1568 O my Jesus, I believe in Your
words and no longer have any doubt about this because in the course of one
conversation with Mother Superior [Irene], she told me to write more about
Your mercy. That statement was very much in accord with Your request. O my
Jesus, I now understand that if You demand something from a soul, You also
inspire the superiors to allow us to fulfill Your demands, even though it
sometimes happens that we do not receive permission at once, and our patience
is often put to the test...
(Diary
of Sister Faustina Kowalska Notebook-I-1-2, 24, 68, 76-77, 97, 283, 304)
(Diary
of Sister Faustina Kowalska Notebook-I-308-310, 317, 319, 343, 356)
(Diary
of Sister Faustina Kowalska Notebook-II-525-526, 531, 535, 570-572, 650)
(Diary
of Sister Faustina Kowalska Notebook-II-681, 687, 746, 908, 949, 950-951)
(Diary
of Sister Faustina Kowalska Notebook-II-955-956, 965, 994-995, 998)
(Diary
of Sister Faustina Kowalska Notebook-III-1001, 1032, 1041-1042, 1044, 1047)
(Diary
of Sister Faustina Kowalska Notebook-III-1115-1116, 1118, 1123)
(Diary
of Sister Faustina Kowalska Notebook-V-1558, 1568)
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