Made for God
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January 31, 2018. Memorial
of Saint John Bosco, Priest
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Mark 6:1-6
He departed from
there and came to his native place, accompanied by his disciples. When
the sabbath came he began to teach in the synagogue, and many who heard him
were astonished. They said, "Where did this man get all this? What kind
of wisdom has been given him? What mighty deeds are wrought by his hands! Is
he not the carpenter, the son of Mary, and the brother of James and Joses and
Judas and Simon? And are not his sisters here with us?" And they took
offense at him. Jesus said to them, "A prophet is not without
honor except in his native place and among his own kin and in his own
house." So he was not able to perform any mighty deed there, apart from
curing a few sick people by laying his hands on them. He was amazed at their
lack of faith. He went around to the villages in the vicinity teaching.
Introductory Prayer: O Lord, You said
that blest are they who find no stumbling block in You. I want to be a blest
person, so that You may find in me no obstacle to the holiness You want for
me. I believe in You, but I long for a greater faith to see and respond to
the signs of Your hand moving in my world. I love You, Lord, and wish to lead
my brothers and sisters to You through my testimony, through my being truly
convinced that You are the life of men.
Petition: Lord, grant me the
gift of total surrender to your will for me in all things.
1. “Where did this
man get all this? What mighty deeds are wrought by his hands.” How beautiful it is
to contemplate the humble and meek Christ! He now manifests, to the
shock and awe of the worldly-minded, the signs of his true origin and the
nature of his true mission. The power of God, the power of the
supernatural, now intervenes in what is merely natural through the mere
“carpenter’s son.” The “signs of credibility” that Christ enacts through his
mighty words and deeds powerfully point to his divine origins and invite his
contemporaries to faith. It is an invitation to leave behind them the
superficial category of Jesus as just a nice neighbor (which means they can
live the same as before) and receive the gift of Christ as Redeemer (which
means change and conversion). Are there signs in my life that the Lord is
looking to change me, to change my behavior in some way so I might live more
by faith and charity? How much longer will I resist before I will am
won over by his goodness?
2. “And they took
offense at him.” It is a sacrifice to give God his place in the ordinary flow
of our day. To do so, we need to sacrifice our sense of self-sufficiency, by
which we are inclined to be the prime mover of everything in our world. We
need to sacrifice our vanity, which desists from efforts to adore God since
they bring little or no applause from those around us. We need to sacrifice
the comfort of our naturalism, our horizontal view of things. Ultimately this
sacrifice is a work of love responding to a divine invitation to share in
God’s life––love, because he is asking and wants to see us giving. Let us
move our hearts to embrace this sacrifice joyfully, for the sake of love. It
helps to see that in this passage there are no neutral states. Those who
reject the invitation to love are turned to love’s opposite––hate,
specifically the hatred of the supernatural. It is a tragedy at work in our
culture in many places, giving rise to the forces of anti-evangelization. Let
us pray and be vigilant that it may never become our tragedy.
3. “He was not able
to perform any mighty deed there.” Our Lord makes himself vulnerable to us, to
our willingness to believe. He comes only to make us happy and to elevate our
lives to be more beautiful, deeper in meaning and richer in fruits. He wants
to bring into our life his power to work miracles and to move mountains of
fear and burdens that we encounter. He comes to be ointment for our wounds
and consolation for our weary hearts. The only thing he needs to make us
happy, then, is our faith, our unconditional and active faith. Without it
(since he respects our freedom), we cripple his capacity to act in our life
as Savior and Lord. How sad it is to see how easily we refuse such a selfless
and beautiful gift.
Conversation with
Christ:
Lord, teach me to
receive You with a heart ready to leave my rationalistic way of acting and
choosing. Help me to know how to read Your invitations with supernatural
faith and to follow them in true obedience, where true love proves itself.
Resolution: I will be very
obedient to the lights I receive today from the Holy Spirit, acting on them
with promptness and generosity.
Excerpts from the
DIARY of Saint Faustina Kowalska
6 I am to write [3] down the encounters of my
soul with You, O God, at the moments of Your special visitations. I am to
write about You, O Incomprehensible in mercy towards my poor soul. Your holy
will is the life of my soul. I have received this order through him who is
for me Your representative here on earth, who interprets Your holy Will to
me. Jesus, You see how difficult it is for me to write, how unable I am to
put down clearly what I experience in my soul. O God, can a pen write down
that for which many a time there are no words? But You give the order to
write, O God; that is enough for me.
18 However, after three weeks I
became aware that there is so very little time here for prayer, and of many
other things which spoke to my soul in favor of entering a religious
community of a stricter observance. This thought took a firm hold of my soul,
but the will of God was not in it. Still, the thought, or rather the
temptation, was growing stronger and stronger to the point where I decided
one day to announce my departure to Mother Superior and definitely to leave
[the convent]. But God arranged the circumstances in such a way that I could
not get to the Mother Superior [Michael]. I stepped into the little chapel [7] before going to bed, and I asked Jesus for
light in this matter. But I received nothing in my soul except a strange
unrest which I did not understand. But, in spite of everything, I made up my
mind to approach Mother Superior the next morning right afte rMass and tell
her of my decision.
19 I came to my cell. The sisters were already in bed - the lights were out. I entered the cell full of anguish and discontent; I did not know what to do with myself. I threw myself headlong on the ground and began to pray fervently that I might come to know the will of God. There is silence everywhere as in the tabernacle. All the sisters are resting like white hosts enclosed in Jesus’ chalice. It is only from my cell that God can hear the moaning of a soul. I did not know that one was not allowed to pray in the cell after nine without permission. [8]
92 Humiliation is my daily food. I understand that the bride must
herself share in everything that is the groom's; and so His cloak of mockery
must cover me, too. At those times when I suffer much, I try to remain
silent, as I do not trust my tongue which, at such moments, is inclined to
talk for itself, while its duty is to help me praise God for all the
blessings and gifts which He has given me. When I receive Jesus in Holy
Communion, I ask Him fervently to deign to heal my tongue so that I would
offend neither God nor neighbor by it. I want my tongue to praise God without
cease. Great are the faults committed by the tongue. The soul will not attain
sanctity if it does not keep watch over its tongue.
94 O my Lord, inflame my heart with love for You, that my spirit may
not grow weary amidst the storms, the sufferings and the trials. You see how
weak I am. Love can do all.
95 +A Deeper Knowledge of God and the Terror of the Soul.
In the beginning, God lets himself be known as Holiness, Justice, Goodness - that is to say, Mercy. The soul does not come to know this all at once, but piecemeal, in flashes; that is to say, when God draws near. And this does not last for long, because the soul could not bear such light. During prayer the soul experiences flashes of this light which make it impossible to pray as before. Try as it may to force itself to pray as it did before, all is in vain; it becomes completely impossible for it to continue to pray as it did before it received this light. This light which has touched the soul is alive within it, and nothing can either quench or diminish it. This flash of the knowledge of God draws the soul and enkindles its love for Him. But this same flash, at the same time, allows the soul to know itself as it is; the soul sees its whole interior in a superior light, and it rises up alarmed and terrified. Still, it does not remain under the effects of terror, but it begins to purify itself, to humble and abase itself before the Lord. These lights become stronger and more frequent; the more the soul is crystallized, the more these lights penetrate it. However, if the soul has responded faithfully and courageously to these first graces, God fills it with His consolations and gives himself to it in a perceptible manner. At certain moments, the soul, as it were, enters into intimacy with God and greatly rejoices in this; it believes that it has already reached the degree of perfection destined for it, because its defects and faults are asleep within it, and this makes it think that they no longer exist. Nothing seems difficult for it; it is ready for everything. It begins to plunge itself into God and taste the divine delights. It is carried along by grace and does not take account of the fact that the time of trial and testing may come. And, in fact, this state does not last long. Other moments will soon come. I should add here, however, that the soul will respond more faithfully to divine grace if it has a well - informed confessor to whom it can confide everything.
96 +Trials sent by God to a soul
which is particularly loved by Him.
Temptations and darkness; Satan. The soul's love [for God] is still not such as God would have it. The soul suddenly loses the tangible perception of God's presence. Various defects and imperfections rise up within it, and it must fight them furiously. All her faults lift up their heads, but the soul's vigilance is great. The former awareness of the presence of God gives place to coldness and spiritual dryness; the soul has no taste for spiritual exercises; it cannot pray, either in the old way, or in the manner in which it had just begun to pray. It struggles this way and that, but can find no satisfaction. God has hidden himself from it, and it can find no consolation in creatures, nor can any of these creatures find a way of consoling it. The soul craves passionately for God, but sees its own misery; it begins to sense God's justice; it seems to it that it has lost all the gifts that God had given it; its mind is dimmed, and darkness fills it; unspeakable torment begins. The soul tries to explain its state to the confessor, but it is not understood and is assailed by an even greater unrest. Satan begins his work.
97 Faith staggers under the impact; the struggle is fierce. The soul
tries hard to cling to God by an act of will. With God's permission, Satan
goes even further: hope and love are put to the test. These temptations are
terrible. God supports the soul in secret, so to speak. The soul is not aware
of this, but otherwise it would be impossible to stand firm; and God knows
very well how much He can allow to befall a soul. The soul is tempted to
unbelief in respect to revealed truths and to insincerity toward the
confessor. Satan says to it, "Look, no one understands you; why speak
about all this?" Words that terrify it sound in its ears, and it seems
to the soul that it is uttering these against God. It sees what it does not
want to see. It hears what it does not want to hear. And, oh, it is a
terrible thing at times like these not to have an experienced confessor! The
soul carries the whole burden alone. However, one should make every effort to
find, if it is at all possible, a well-informed confessor, for the soul can
collapse under the burden and come to the very edge of the precipice. All
these trials are heavy and difficult. God does not send them to a soul which
has not already been admitted to a deeper intimacy with Him and which has not
yet tasted the divine delights. Besides, in this God has His own plans, which
for us are impenetrable. God often prepares a soul in this way for His future
designs and great works. He wants to try it as pure gold is tried. But this
is not yet the end of the testing; there is still the trial of trials, the
complete abandonment of the soul by God.
+ The Trial of Trials, Complete Abandonment - Despair
98 When the soul comes out victorious from the preceding trials, even though it may stumble here and there, it fights on valiantly, humbly calling upon God, "Save me, I am perishing!" And it is still able to fight on. At this point, however, the soul is engulfed in a horrible night. It sees within itself only sin. It feels terrible. It sees itself completely abandoned by God. It feels itself to be the object of His hatred. It is but one step away from despair. The soul does its best to defend itself; it tries to stir up its confidence; but prayer is an even greater torment for it, as this prayer seems to arouse God to an even greater anger. The soul finds itself poised on the summit of a lofty mountain on the very brink of a precipice. The soul is drawn to God, but feels repulsed. All other sufferings and tortures in the world are as nothing compared with this sensation into which it has been plunged; namely, that of being rejected by God. No one can bring it any relief; it finds itself completely alone; there is no one to defend it. It raises its eyes to heaven, but is convinced that this is not for her-for her all is lost. It falls deeper and deeper from darkness to darkness, and it seems to it that it has lost forever the God it used to love so dearly. This thought is torture beyond all description. But the soul does not agree to it and tries to lift its gaze toward heaven, but in vain! And this makes the torture even more intense. If God wishes to keep the soul in such darkness, no one will be able to give it light. It experiences rejection by God in a vivid and terrifying manner. From its heart burst forth painful moans, so painful that no priest will comprehend it, unless he himself has been through these trials. In the midst of this, the evil spirit adds to the soul's suffering, mocking it: "Will you persist in your faithfulness? This is your reward; you are in our power!" But Satan has only as much influence over the soul as God allows him, and God knows how much we can bear. "What have you gotten out of your mortifications," says Satan, "and out of your fidelity to the rule? What use are all these efforts? You have been rejected by God!" This word, rejected, becomes a fire which penetrates every nerve to the marrow of the bone. It pierces right through her entire being. The ordeal reaches its climax. The soul no longer looks for help anywhere. It shrinks into itself and loses sight of everything; it is as though it has accepted the torture of being abandoned. This is a moment for which I have no words. This is the agony of the soul.
106 Though these are frightening things, the soul should not be too
fearful, because God will never test us beyond what we are able to bear. On
the other hand, He may never send us such sufferings, but I write this
because, if it pleases the Lord to let a soul pass through such sufferings,
it should not be afraid but, insofar as this depends on the soul itself, it
should remain faithful to God. God will do a soul no harm, because He is Love
itself, and in this unfathomable love has called it into being. However, when
I was so tormented, I myself did not understand this.
107 O my God, I have come to know that I am not of this earth; You, O
Lord, have poured this profound awareness into my soul. My communion is more
with heaven than with earth, though I in no way neglect my duties.
115 + When a soul has come out of
these tribulations, it is deeply humble. Its purity of soul is great. It
knows better without need of reflecting, as it were, what it ought to do at a
given moment and what to forbear. It feels the lightest touch of grace and is
very faithful to God. It recognizes God from afar and continuously rejoices
in Him. It discovers God very quickly in other souls and in its environment
in general. The soul has been purified by God himself. God, as Pure Spirit,
introduces the soul to a life which is purely spiritual. God himself has
first prepared and purified the soul; that is, He has made it capable of
close communion with himself. The soul, in a state of loving repose, communes
spiritually with the Lord. It speaks to God without the need of expressing
itself through the senses. God fills it with His light.
The enlightened mind sees clearly and distinguishes the various degrees of the spiritual life. It recognizes [that state] when its union with God was imperfect: where the senses were involved, and the spirit was linked with the senses in a manner-exalted and special, to be sure but not yet perfect. There is a higher and more perfect union with God; namely, intellectual union. Here, the soul is safer from illusions; its spirituality is purer and more profound. In a life where the senses are involved, there is more danger of illusion. Both for the soul and for its confessor, prudence must play a greater part. There are moments when God introduces the soul to a purely spiritual state. The senses dim and are seemingly dead. The soul is most closely united to God; it is immersed in the Deity; its knowledge is complete and perfect, not sporadic as before, but total and absolute. It rejoices in this. But I want to say more about those moments of trial; at those times the confessor must have patience with such a soul. But the soul must have even greater patience with itself.
140 Pure love is capable of great
deeds, and it is not broken by difficulty or adversity. As it remains strong
in the midst of great difficulties, so too it perseveres in the toilsome and
drab life of each day. It knows that only one thing is needed to please God:
to do even the smallest things out of great love-love, and always love.
Pure love never errs. Its light is strangely plentiful. It will not do anything that might displease God. It is ingenious at doing what is more pleasing to God, and no one will equal it. It is happy when it can empty itself and burn like a pure offering. The more it gives of itself, the happier it is. But also, no one can sense dangers from afar as can love; it knows how to unmask and also knows with whom it has to deal.
200 O Jesus, how deeply it hurts
the soul when it is always trying to be sincere and they accuse it of hypocrisy
and behave with mistrust toward it. O Jesus, You also suffered like this to
make satisfaction to Your Father.
497 O Eternal Truth, Word Incarnate, who most
faithfully fulfilled Your Father's will, today I am becoming a martyr of Your
inspirations, since I cannot carry them out because I have no will of my own,
though interiorly I see Your will clearly. I submit in everything to the will
of my superiors and my confessor. I will follow Your will insofar as You will
permit me to do so through Your representative. O my Jesus, it cannot be
helped, but I give priority to the voice of the Church over the voice with
which You speak to me.
580 On a certain occasion, the
Lord said to me, I am more deeply wounded by the small imperfections of
chosen souls than by the sins of those living in the world. It made me
very sad that chosen souls make Jesus suffer, and Jesus told me, These
little imperfections are not all. I will reveal to you a secret of My Heart:
what I suffer from chosen souls. Ingratitude in return for so many graces is
My Heart's constant food, on the part of [such] a chosen soul. Their love is
lukewarm, and My Heart cannot bear it; these souls force Me to reject them.
Others distrust My goodness and have no desire to experience that sweet intimacy
in their own hearts, but go in search of Me, off in the distance, and do not
find Me. This distrust of My goodness hurts Me very much. If My death has not
convinced you of My love, what will? Often a soul wounds Me mortally, and
then no one can comfort Me. They use My graces to offend Me. There are souls
who despise My graces as well as all the proofs of My love. They do not wish
to hear My call, but proceed into the abyss of hell. The loss of these souls
plunges Me into deadly sorrow. God though I am, I cannot help such a soul
because it scorns Me; having a free will, it can spurn Me or love Me. You,
who are the dispenser of My mercy, tell all the world about My goodness, and
thus you will comfort My Heart.
654 Now I understand that
confession is only the confessing of one's sins, and spiritual guidance is a
different thing altogether. But this is not what I want to speak about. I
want to tell about a strange thing that happened to me for the first time.
When the confessor started talking to me, I did not understand a single word.
Then I saw Jesus Crucified and He said to me, It is in My Passion that you
must seek light and strength. After the confession, I meditated on Jesus'
terrible Passion, and I understood that what I was suffering was nothing
compared to the Savior's Passion, and that even the smallest imperfection was
the cause of this terrible suffering. Then my soul was filled with very great
contrition, and only then I sensed that I was in the sea of the unfathomable
mercy of God. Oh, how few words I have to express what I am experiencing! I
feel I am like a drop of dew engulfed in the depths of the bottomless ocean
of divine mercy.
666 I understood that all striving
for perfection and all sanctity consist in doing God's will. Perfect
fulfillment of God's will is maturity in sanctity; there is no room for doubt
here. To receive God's light and recognize what God wants of us and yet not
do it is a great offense against the majesty of God. Such a soul deserves to
be completely forsaken by God. It resembles Lucifer, who had great light, but
did not do God's will. An extraordinary peace entered my soul when I
reflected on the fact that, despite great difficulties, I had always
faithfully followed God's will as I knew it. O Jesus, grant me the grace to put
Your will into practice as I have come to know it, O God.
678 The
essence of the virtues is the will of God. He who does the will of God
faithfully, practices all the virtues. In all the events and circumstances of
my life, I adore and bless the holy will of God. The holy will of God is the
object of my love. In the most secret depths of my soul, I live according to
His will. I act exteriorly according to what I recognize inwardly as the will
of God. Sweeter to me are the torments, sufferings, persecutions and all
manner of adversities by divine will than popularity, praise and esteem by my
own will.
724 On the eve of the retreat, I started to pray
that the Lord Jesus might give me just a little health so that I could take
part in the retreat, because I was feeling so ill that I thought perhaps it
might be my last. However, as soon as I had started praying I felt a strange
dissatisfaction. I interrupted the prayer of supplication and began to thank
the Lord for everything He sends me, submitting myself completely to His holy
will. Then I felt profound peace of soul. + Faithful submission to the will
of God, always and everywhere, in all events and circumstances of life, gives
great glory to God. Such submission to the will of God carries more weight with
Him than long fasts, mortifications and the most severe penances. Oh, how
great is the reward for one act of loving submission to the will of God! As I
write, my soul is enraptured at the thought of how much God loves it and of
the peace that my soul already enjoys, here on earth.
954 Today after Holy Communion,
the Lord told me, My daughter, My delight is to unite myself with you. It
is when you submit yourself to My will that you give Me the greatest glory
and draw down upon yourself a sea of blessings. I would not take such special
delight in you if you were not living by my will. O my sweet Guest, I am
prepared for all sacrifices for Your sake, but You know that I am weakness
itself. Nevertheless, with You I can do all things. O my Jesus, I beseech You,
be with me at each instant.
1165 Know this, My daughter: if
you strive for perfection you will sanctify many souls; and if you do not
strive for sanctity, by the same token, many souls will remain imperfect.
Know that their perfection will depend on your perfection, and the greater
part of the responsibility for these souls will fall on you.
1180 June [July] 15, 1937. Once, I
learned that I was to be transferred to another house. My knowledge of this
was purely interior. At the same time, I heard a voice in my soul: Do not
be afraid, My daughter; it is My will that you should remain here. Human
plans will be thwarted, since they must conform to My will.
1181 When I was close to the Lord, He said to me, Why
are you afraid to begin the work which I have commanded you to carry out? I
answered, "Why do You leave me on my own at such times, Jesus, and why
do I not feel Your presence?" My daughter, even though you do not
perceive Me in the most secret depths of your heart, you still cannot say
that I am not there. I only remove from you the awareness of My presence, and
that should not be an obstacle to the carrying out of My will. I do this to
achieve My unfathomable ends, which you will know of later on.
My daughter, know without doubt, and once and for all, that only mortal sin drives Me out of a soul, and nothing else.
1182 + Today the Lord said to me, My daughter,
My pleasure and delight, nothing will stop Me from granting you graces. Your
misery does not hinder My mercy. My daughter, write that the greater the
misery of a soul, the greater its right to My mercy; [urge] all souls to
trust in the unfathomable abyss of My mercy, because I want to save them all.
On the cross, the fountain of My mercy was opened wide by the lance for all
souls-no one have I excluded!
1183 O Jesus, I want to live in the present
moment, to live as if this were the last day of my life. I want to use every
moment scrupulously for the greater glory of God, to use every circumstance
for the benefit of my soul. I want to look upon everything, from the point of
view that nothing happens without the will of God.
1184 On an earlier occasion.
In the evening, I saw the Lord Jesus upon the cross. From His hands, feet and side, the Most Sacred Blood was flowing. After some time, Jesus said to me, All this is for the salvation of souls. Consider well, My daughter, what you are doing for their salvation. I answered, "Jesus, when I look at Your suffering, I see that I am doing next to nothing for the salvation of souls." And the Lord said to me, Know, My daughter, that your silent day-to-day martyrdom in complete submission to My will ushers many souls into heaven. And when it seems to you that your suffering exceeds your strength, contemplate My wounds, and you will rise above human scorn and judgment. Meditation on My Passion will help you rise above all things. I understood many things I had been unable to comprehend before.
1199 [July] 29. I am to leave for Rabka today. I
went into the chapel and asked the Lord Jesus for a safe journey. But within
my soul there was silence and darkness. I felt I was all alone and had no one
[to turn to]. I asked Jesus to be with me. Then I felt a tiny ray of light in
my soul as a sign that Jesus was with me but, after this grace, the darkness
and shadows in my soul increased. Then I said, "Your will be done, for
everything is possible to You." When I was on the train and gazed
through the window at the beautiful countryside and the mountains, the
torments of my soul grew even greater. As the sisters welcomed me and began
to surround me with their warmth, my sufferings redoubled.
1200 I would have like to hide and rest for a
while in solitude, in a word, to be alone. At such moments, no creature is
capable of giving me comfort, and even if I had wanted to say something about
myself, I would have experienced new anguish. Therefore, I have kept silent
at such moments and submitted myself, in silence, to the will of God-and that
has given me relief. I demand nothing from creatures and communicate with
them only in so far as is necessary. I will not take them into my confidence
unless this is for the greater glory of God. My communing is with the angels
[cf. Mt. 18:10; Ex. 23:20].
1202 I could not even go to Holy Mass or receive
Holy Communion today but, amidst the sufferings of body and soul, I kept on
repeating, "May the Lord's will be done. I know that Your bounty is
without limit." Then 1 heard an angel who sang out my whole life history
and everything it comprised. I was surprised, but also strengthened.
1204 A retreat of suffering. O Jesus, in these
days of suffering, I am not capable of any kind of prayer. The oppression of
my body and soul has increased. O my Jesus, You do see that Your child is on
the decline. I am not forcing myself further, but simply submitting my will
to the will of Jesus. O Jesus, You are always Jesus to me.
1205 When I went to confession, I did not even
know how to confess. However, the priest [probably Father Casimir Ratkiewicz [205]] recognized the
condition of my soul at once and said to me, "Despite everything, you
are on the way to salvation; you are on the right path, but God may leave
your soul in this darkness and obscurity until death, and the former light
may never return. But in all things abandon yourself to the will of
God."
1207 August 10. Today I am returning to Cracow, in
the company of one of the sisters. My soul is shrouded in suffering. I am
continually uniting myself to Him by an act of the will. He is my power and
strength.
1208 May You be blessed, O God, for everything You
send me. Nothing under the sun happens without Your will. I cannot penetrate
Your secrets with regard to myself, but I press my lips to the chalice You
offer me.
1237 O Jesus, what darkness is enveloping me and
what nothingness is penetrating me. But, my Jesus, do not leave me alone;
grant me the grace of faithfulness. Although I cannot penetrate the mystery
of God's visitation, it is in my power to say: Your will be done.
1239 O living Host, O hidden Jesus. You see the
condition of my soul. Of myself, I am unable to utter Your Holy Name. I
cannot bring forth from my heart the fire of love but, kneeling at Your feet,
I cast upon the Tabernacle the gaze of my soul, a gaze of faithfulness. As
for You, You are ever the same, while within my soul a change takes place. I
trust that the time will come when You will unveil Your countenance, and Your
child will again see Your sweet face. I am astonished, Jesus, that You can
hide yourself from me for so long and that You can restrain the enormous love
You have for me. In the dwelling of my heart, I am listening and waiting for
Your coming, O only Treasure of my heart!
1241 + 0 my Jesus, when someone is unkind and
unpleasant toward us, it is difficult enough to bear this kind of suffering.
But this is very little in comparison to a suffering which I cannot bear;
namely, that which I experience when someone exhibits kindness towards me and
then lays snares at my feet at every step I take. What great will power is
necessary to love such a soul for God's sake. Many a time one has to be
heroic in loving such a soul as God demands. If contact with that person were
infrequent, it would be easier to endure, but when one lives in close contact
with the person and experiences this at each step, this demands a very great
effort.
1243 "These times of dryness and stark
awareness of one's wretchedness, which God has permitted, allow the soul to
know how little it can do by itself. They will teach you how much you should
appreciate God's graces. Secondly, faithfulness in all exercises and duties,
faithfulness in everything, just as in times of joy. Thirdly, as regards the
matters in question, be absolutely obedient to the Archbishop [Jalbrzykowski]
although, from time to time, the matter can be brought to his attention, but
peacefully. Sometimes, a little bitter truth is necessary."
At the end of the conversation, I asked the priest to allow me to commune with Jesus as I had done formerly. He answered, "I cannot give orders to the Lord Jesus, but if He himself draws you to himself you may follow the attraction. However, always remember to show Him great reverence, for the Lord is great indeed. If you are truly seeking God's will in all this and desire to fulfill it, you can be at peace; the Lord will not allow any sort of error. As to the mortifications and sufferings, you will give me an account next time of how you carry them out. Place yourself in the hands of the Most Holy Mother."
1244 August 15, 1937. During meditation, God's
presence pervaded me keenly, and I was aware of the Virgin Mary's joy at the
moment of Her Assumption. Towards the end of the ceremony carried out in
honor of the Mother of God, I saw the Virgin Mary, and She said to me, Oh,
how very pleased I am with the homage of your love! And at that moment She
covered all the sisters of our Congregation with Her mantle. With Her right
hand, She clasped Mother General Michael to herself, and with Her left hand
She did so to me, while all the sisters were at Her feet, covered with Her
mantle. Then the Mother of God said, Everyone who perseveres zealously
till death in My Congregation will be spared the fire of purgatory, and I
desire that each one distinguish herself by the following virtues: humility
and meekness; chastity and love of God and neighbor; compassion and mercy.
After these words, the whole Congregation disappeared from my sight, and I
remained alone with the Most Holy Mother who instructed me about the will of
God and how to apply it to my life, submitting completely to His most holy
decrees. It is impossible for one to please God without obeying His holy
will. My daughter, I strongly recommend that you faithfully fulfill all
God's wishes, for that is most pleasing in His holy eyes. I very much desire
that you distinguish yourself in this faithfulness in accomplishing God's
will. Put the will of God before all sacrifices and holocausts. While the
heavenly Mother was talking to me, a deep understanding of this will of God
was entering my soul.
1255 "As concerns yourself, Sister, it is
good that you are remaining in a state of holy indifference in everything
that pertains to the will of God, and that you are better maintaining a state
of equilibrium. Please do your best to keep this equanimity. Now, as regards
all these matters, you are to depend exclusively on Father Andrasz; I am in
complete agreement with him. Do nothing on your own, Sister, but in all
matters take counsel from your spiritual director. I beg you to keep your
levelheadedness and as great a calm as possible.One more thing-I am having
printed the chaplet which is to be on the back of the image, as well as the
invocations that resemble a litany; these too will be placed on the back.
Another large image has also been printed, and with it a few pages which
contain the Novena to The Divine Mercy. [208] Pray, Sister, that this
be approved."
1256 [August] 30. Reverend Father Sopocko left this morning. When I was steeped in a prayer of thanksgiving for the great grace that I had received from God; namely, that of seeing Father, I became united in a special way with the Lord who said to me, He is a priest after My own Heart; his efforts are pleasing to Me. You see, My daughter, that My will must be done and that which I had promised you, I shall do. Through him I spread comfort to suffering and careworn souls. Through him it pleased Me to proclaim the worship of My mercy. And through this work of mercy more souls will come close to Me than otherwise would have, even if he had kept giving absolution day and night for the rest of his life, because by so doing, he would have labored only for as long as he lived; whereas, thanks to this work of mercy, he will be laboring till the end of the world.
1262 September 3. First Friday of the month.
During Holy Mass, I became united with God. Jesus gave me to know that even
the smallest thing does not happen on earth without His will. After having
seen this, my soul entered into an unusual repose; I found myself completely
at peace as to the work in its full extent. God can deal with me as He
pleases, and I will bless Him for everything.
1264 Act of total abandonment to the will of God,
which is for me, love and mercy itself.
Act of Oblation Jesus-Host, whom I have this very moment received into my heart, through this union with You I offer myself to the heavenly Father as a sacrificial host, abandoning myself totally and completely to the most merciful and holy will of my God. From today onward, Your will, Lord, is my food. Take my whole being; dispose of me as You please. Whatever Your fatherly hand gives me, I will accept with submission, peace and joy. I fear nothing, no matter in what direction You lead me; helped by Your grace I will carry out everything You demand of me. I no longer fear any of Your inspirations nor do I probe anxiously to see where they will lead me. Lead me, O God, along whatever roads You please; I have placed all my trust in Your will which is, for me, love and mercy itself. Bid me to stay in this convent, I will stay; bid me to undertake the work, I will undertake it; leave me in uncertainty about the work until I die, be blessed; give me death when, humanly speaking, my life seems particularly necessary, be blessed. Should You take me in my youth, be blessed; should You let me live to a ripe old age, be blessed. Should You give me health and strength, be blessed; should You confine me to a bed of pain for my whole life, be blessed. Should you give only failures and disappointments in life, be blessed. Should You allow my purest intentions to be condemned, be blessed. Should You enlighten my mind, be blessed. Should You leave me in darkness and all kinds of torments, be blessed. From this moment on, I live in the deepest peace, because the Lord himself is carrying me in the hollow of His hand. He, Lord of unfathomable mercy, knows that I desire Him alone in all things, always and everywhere. 1265 Prayer. O Jesus, stretched out upon the cross, I implore You, give me the grace of doing faithfully the most holy will of Your Father, in all things, always and everywhere. And when this will of God will seem to me very harsh and difficult to fulfill, it is then I beg You, Jesus, may power and strength flow upon me from Your wounds, and may my lips keep repeating, "Your will be done, O Lord." O Savior of the world, Lover of man's salvation, who in such terrible torment and pain forget Yourself to think only of the salvation of souls, O most compassionate Jesus, grant me the grace to forget myself that I may live totally for souls, helping You in the work of salvation, according to the most holy will of Your Father....
1266 August 5, [1937]. [209] The Lord let me know how
much our dear Mother Superior [Irene] is defending me against... not only by
prayer but also by deed. Thank You, Jesus, for this grace. It will not go
unrequited in my heart; when I am with Jesus, I do not forget about her.
1267 September 6, 1937. Today, I begin a new
assignment. I go from the garden to the desert of the gate. [210] I went in to talk to the
Lord for a while. I asked Him for a blessing and for graces to faithfully
carry out the duties entrusted to me. I heard these words: My daughter, I
am always with you. I have given you the opportunity to practice deeds of
mercy which you will perform according to obedience. You will give Me much
pleasure if, each evening, you will speak to Me especially about this task.
I felt that Jesus had given me a new grace in relation to my new duties; but,
despite this, I have locked myself deeper in His Heart.
1268 Today I felt more ill, but Jesus has given me
many more opportunities on this day to practice virtue. It so happened that I
was busier than usual, and the sister in charge of the kitchen made it clear
to me how irritated she was that I had come late for dinner, although it was
quite impossible for me to have come sooner. At any rate, I felt so unwell
that I had to ask Mother Superior to allow me to lie down. I went to ask
Sister N. to take my place, and again I got a scolding: "What is this,
Sister, you're so exhausted that you're going back to bed again! Confound you
with all this lying in bed!" I put up with all that, but that wasn't the
end. I still had to ask the sister who was in charge of the sick to bring me
my meal. When I told her this, she burst out of the chapel into the corridor
after me to give me a piece of her mind: "Why on earth are you going to
bed, Sister, etc...... I asked her not to bother bringing me anything. I am
writing all this very briefly because it is not my intention to write about
such things, and I am doing so merely to dissuade souls from treating others
in this way, for this is displeasing to the Lord. In a suffering soul we
should see Jesus Crucified, and not a loafer or burden on the community. A
soul who suffers with submission to the will of God draws down more blessings
on the whole convent than all the working sisters. Poor indeed is a convent
where there are no sick sisters. God often grants many and great graces out
of regard for the souls who are suffering, and He withholds many punishments
solely because of the suffering souls.
1293 It so happened that I fell
again into a certain error, in spite of a sincere resolution not to do
so-even though the lapse was a minor imperfection and rather involuntary-and
at this I felt such acute pain in my soul that I interrupted my work and went
to the chapel for a while. Falling at the feet of Jesus, with love and a
great deal of pain, I apologized to the Lord, all the more ashamed because of
the fact that in my conversation with Him after Holy Communion this very
morning I had promised to be faithful to Him. Then I heard these words: If
it hadn't been for this small imperfection, you wouldn't have come to Me.
Know that as often as you come to Me, humbling yourself and asking My
forgiveness, I pour out a superabundance of graces on your soul, and your
imperfection vanishes before My eyes, and I see only your love and your
humility. You lose nothing but gain much...
1566 When I was apologizing to the
Lord Jesus for a certain action of mine which, a little later, turned out to
be imperfect, Jesus put me at ease with these words: My daughter, I reward
you for the purity of your intention which you had at the time when you
acted. My Heart rejoiced that you had My love under consideration at the time
you acted, and that in so distinct a way; and even now you still derive
benefit from this; that is, from the humiliation. Yes, My child, I want you
to always have such great purity of intention in the very least things you
undertake.
1584 O inconceivable goodness of
God, which shields us at every step, may Your mercy be praised without cease.
That You became a brother to humans, not to angels, is a miracle of the
unfathomable mystery of Your mercy. All our trust is in You, our first-born
Brother, Jesus Christ, true God and true Man. My heart flutters with joy to
see how good God is to us wretched and ungrateful people. And as a proof of
His love, He gives us the incomprehensible gift of Himself in the person of
His Son. Throughout all eternity we shall never exhaust that mystery of love.
O mankind, why do you think so little about God being truly among us? O Lamb
of God, I do not know what to admire in You first: Your gentleness, Your
hidden life, the emptying of Yourself for the sake of man, or the constant
miracle of Your mercy, which transforms souls and raises them up to eternal
life. Although You are hidden in this way, Your omnipotence is more manifest
here than in the creation of man. Though the omnipotence of Your mercy is at
work in the justification of the sinner, yet Your action is gentle and
hidden.
(Diary
of Sister Faustina Kowalska Notebook-I-6, 18, 19, 92, 94-98, 106-107)
(Diary
of Sister Faustina Kowalska Notebook-I-115, 140, 200, 497)
(Diary
of Sister Faustina Kowalska Notebook-II-580, 654, 666, 678, 724, 954)
(Diary
of Sister Faustina Kowalska Notebook-III-1165, 1180-1184, 1199-1200)
(Diary
of Sister Faustina Kowalska Notebook-III-1204-1205, 1207-1208)
(Diary
of Sister Faustina Kowalska Notebook-IV-1237, 1239, 1241, 1243-1244)
(Diary
of Sister Faustina Kowalska Notebook-IV-1255-1256, 1262, 1293)
(Diary
of Sister Faustina Kowalska Notebook-V-1566, 1584)
|
Mga Pahina
▼
Enero 31, 2018
Made for God-Divine Mercy Miracles Meditations
Enero 30, 2018
Touched by Faith-Divine Mercy Miracles Meditations
Touched by Faith
|
January 30, 2018. Memorial
of Saint Hyacinth Marescotti, Virgin
|
Mark 5:21-43
When Jesus had
crossed again (in the boat) to the other side, a large crowd gathered around
him, and he stayed close to the sea. One of the synagogue officials, named
Jairus, came forward. Seeing him he fell at his feet and pleaded earnestly
with him, saying, "My daughter is at the point of death. Please, come
lay your hands on her that she may get well and live." He went off with
him, and a large crowd followed him and pressed upon him. There was a woman
afflicted with hemorrhages for twelve years. She had suffered greatly at the
hands of many doctors and had spent all that she had. Yet she was not helped
but only grew worse. She had heard about Jesus and came up behind him in the
crowd and touched his cloak. She said, "If I but touch his
clothes, I shall be cured." Immediately her flow of blood dried up. She
felt in her body that she was healed of her affliction. Jesus, aware at once
that power had gone out from him, turned around in the crowd and asked,
"Who has touched my clothes?" But his disciples said to him,
"You see how the crowd is pressing upon you, and yet you ask, ´Who
touched me?´" And he looked around to see who had done it. The woman,
realizing what had happened to her, approached in fear and trembling. She
fell down before Jesus and told him the whole truth. He said to her,
"Daughter, your faith has saved you. Go in peace and be cured of your
affliction." While he was still speaking, people from the
synagogue official´s house arrived and said, "Your daughter has died;
why trouble the teacher any longer?" Disregarding the message that was
reported, Jesus said to the synagogue official, "Do not be afraid; just
have faith." He did not allow anyone to accompany him inside except
Peter, James, and John, the brother of James. When they arrived at the house
of the synagogue official, he caught sight of a commotion, people weeping and
wailing loudly. So he went in and said to them, "Why this commotion
and weeping? The child is not dead but asleep." And they ridiculed him.
Then he put them all out. He took along the child´s father and mother and
those who were with him and entered the room where the child was. He
took the child by the hand and said to her, "Talitha koum," which
means, "Little girl, I say to you, arise!" The girl, a child of
twelve, arose immediately and walked around. (At that) they were utterly
astounded. He gave strict orders that no one should know this and said that
she should be given something to eat.
Introductory Prayer: Lord, who should I
turn to first but You? You have given me another day. This gift calls me to
come to You first, to hear You first. My faith tells me there can be nothing
better than to follow Your plan; my hope is to bring You into my life and to
other people; my love wants to be fuller and better — it wants to be like
Yours, Lord.
Petition: Grant me the grace
of deeper trust and faith in all moments of hardship.
1. “…afflicted with hemorrhages for twelve years.” When
problems are prolonged, or reach fever-pitch levels, we can get the mistaken
impression that God has lost interest. Somehow he seems no longer moved
by our misery. All the signs say he has forgotten us, abandoned us and
left us hanging.
But God is only seemingly absent. He is creating a new set of circumstances wherein we can experience him at a wholly new level. The long, hard and persevering fight to walk in hope enables God to bring about greater fruits of holiness in us. In the woman with the hemorrhage and in Jairus, father of a dying daughter, we must contemplate a mature and vibrant faith, observing how it conquers pessimism and transcends the cold calculations and superficial tones of their peers. Truly this is the first miracle we see that Jesus has worked for them, and the most important one.
2. “And they ridiculed him. Then he put them all out.”
The dismal voices of his “friends” come to the father. Though they have seen
the miracle of the woman with the hemorrhage, they coldly say, “Your daughter
is dead. Be realistic. It is no use to go on.” True, in the name of realism,
we can dismiss hope and cooperation with Christ’s action in our life. We can
ridicule Christ whenever he wants to work in mystery and outside our human
limits. We can be tempted to abandon trust in God in the name of reaffirming
control over our world. “Let’s be realistic,” we say. “It will never work.”
These phrases veil a weak faith, a poor faith, a sterile or
compartmentalized faith that works only when everything makes sense to us,
when everything is easy. Where there is this lack of faith, Christ
cannot work.
3. “If I but
touch his clothes, I shall be cured.” Many say they are near Christ, yet
few are acknowledged by Christ as close to him. Many were brushing against
him that day, many were verbally praising him, many were serving him, but
only one touched him and got his full attention. Why? Only one made an act of
unconditional faith. What is the secret? How can we really get his
attention, truly speak to his heart? None are closer than those who trust
him, who humbly depend on him, and who wish to live from him. The woman’s
unconditional faith was open to whatever would happen, whatever would be
Christ’s response. Those who suffer and support themselves patiently
with faith and prayer experience new levels of union with Christ.
Conversation with
Christ: Lord let me use hardships to build newer
levels of trust and intimacy with You. Open my heart to seek You on Your
terms.
I do not ask you for happiness or sorrow, Health or sickness, Riches or poverty, Freedom or slavery, Goods or evils; For goods are misfortunes if you do not come with them, And misfortunes are goods if they arrive with you. For goods without you, what good would they be? And misfortunes with you, are they not the best goods?
Resolution: I will acknowledge
the presence of Christ in all the difficulties of today.
Excerpts from the
DIARY of Saint Faustina Kowalska
23 Toward the end of the first
year of my novitiate, darkness began to cast its shadow over my soul. I felt
no consolation in prayer; I had to make a great effort to meditate; fear
began to sweep over me. Going deeper into myself, I could find nothing but
great misery. I could also clearly see the great holiness of God. I did not
dare to raise my eyes to Him, but reduced myself to dust under His feet and
begged for mercy. My soul was in this state for almost six months. Our
beloved Mother Directress [Mary Joseph [14]] encouraged me in these difficult moments.
But this suffering became greater and greater.
The second year of the novitiate was approaching. Whenever I recalled that I was to make my vows, my soul shuddered. I did not understand what I was reading; I could not meditate; it seemed to me that my prayer was displeasing to God. It seemed to me that by approaching the Holy Sacraments I was offending God even more. But despite this, my confessor [Father Theodore [15]] did not let me omit one single Holy Communion. God was working very strangely in my soul. I did not understand anything at all of what my confessor was telling me. The simple truths of the faith became incomprehensible to me. My soul was in anguish, unable to find comfort anywhere.
36 Once I was summoned to the
judgment [seat] of God. I stood alone before the Lord. Jesus appeared such as
we know Him during His Passion. After a moment, His wounds disappeared except
for five, those in His hands, His feet and His side. Suddenly I saw the
complete condition of my soul as God sees it. I could clearly see all that is
displeasing to God. I did not know that even the smallest transgressions will
have to be accounted for. What a moment! Who can describe it? To stand before
the Thrice-Holy God! Jesus asked me, Who are you? I answered, "I
am Your servant, Lord." You are guilty of one day of fire in
purgatory. I wanted to throw myself immediately into the flames of purgatory,
but Jesus stopped me and said, Which do you prefer, suffer now for one day in
purgatory or for a short while on earth? I replied, "Jesus, I want
to suffer in purgatory, and I want to suffer also the greatest pains on
earth, even if it were until the end of the world." Jesus said, One [of
the two] is enough; you will go back to earth, and there you will suffer
much, but not for long; you will accomplish My will and My desires, and a
faithful servant of Mine will help you to do this. Now, rest your head on My
bosom, on My heart, and draw from it strength and power for these sufferings,
because you will find neither relief nor help nor comfort anywhere else. Know
that you will have much, much to suffer, but don't let this frighten you; I
am with you.
55 1933. Spiritual Counsel Given Me
by Father Andrasz, S.J.
First: You must not turn away from these interior inspirations,
but always tell everything to your confessor. If you recognize that these
interior inspirations refer to your own self; that is to say, they are for
the good of your soul or for the good of other souls, l urge you to follow
them; and you must not neglect them, but always do so in consultation with
your confessor.
Second: If these inspirations are not in accord with the faith or the spirit of the Church, they must be rejected immediately as coming from the evil spirit. Third: If these inspirations do not refer to souls, in general, nor specifically to their good, you should not take them too seriously, and it would be better to even ignore them. But you should not make this decision by yourself, either one way or the other, as you can easily be led astray despite these great favors from God. Humility, humility, and ever humility, as we can do nothing of ourselves; all is purely and simply God's grace. You say to me that God demands great trust from souls; well then, you be the first to show this trust. And one more word-accept all this with serenity. Words of one of the confessors: "Sister, God is preparing many special graces for you, but try to make your life as clear as crystal before the Lord, paying no attention to what anyone else thinks about you. Let God suffice you; He alone." Toward the end of my novitiate, a confessor [perhaps Father Theodore] told me: "Go through life doing good, so that I could write on its pages: `She spent her life doing good.' May God bring this about in you." Another time the confessor said to me, "Comport yourself before God like the widow in the Gospel; although the coin she dropped into the box was of little value, it counted far more before God than all the big offerings of others." On another occasion the instruction I received was this: " Act in such a way that all those who come in contact with you will go away joyful. Sow happiness about you because you have received much from God; give, then, generously to others. They should take leave of you with their hearts filled with joy, even if they have no more than touched the hem of your garment. Keep well in mind the words I am telling you right now." Still another time he gave me the following recommendation: "Let God push your boat out into the deep waters, toward the unfathomable depths of the interior life." Here are a few words from a conversation I had with the Mother Directress [Mary Joseph] toward the end of my novitiate: "Sister, let simplicity and humility be the characteristic traits of your soul. Go through life like a little child, always trusting, always full of simplicity and humility, content with everything, happy in every circumstance. There, where others fear, you will pass calmly along, thanks to this simplicity and humility. Remember this, Sister, for your whole life: as waters flow from the mountains down into the valleys, so, too, do God's graces flow only into humble souls."
62 O life so dull and monotonous,
how many treasures you contain! When I look at everything with the eyes of
faith, no two hours are alike, and the dullness and monotony disappear. The
grace which is given me in this hour will not be repeated in the next. It may
be given me again, but it will not be the same grace. Time goes on, never to
return again. Whatever is enclosed in it will never change; it seals with a
seal for eternity.
91 O my Jesus, You alone know what
persecutions I suffer, and this only because I am being faithful to You and
following Your orders. You are my strength; sustain me that I may always
carry out what You ask of me. Of myself I can do nothing, but when You
sustain me, all difficulties are nothing for me. O my Lord, I can see very
well that from the time when my soul first received the capacity to know You,
my life has been a continual struggle which has become increasingly intense.
Every morning during meditation, I prepare myself for the whole day's struggle. Holy Communion assures me that I will win the victory; and so it is. I fear the day when I do not receive Holy Communion. This Bread of t lie Strong gives me all the strength I need to carry on my mission and the courage to do whatever the Lord asks of me. The courage and strength that are in me are not of me, but of Him who lives in me - it is the Eucharist. O my Jesus, the misunderstandings are so great; sometimes, were it not for the Eucharist, I would not have the courage to go any further along the way You have marked out for me.
92 Humiliation is my daily food. I
understand that the bride must herself share in everything that is the groom's;
and so His cloak of mockery must cover me, too. At those times when I suffer
much, I try to remain silent, as I do not trust my tongue which, at such
moments, is inclined to talk for itself, while its duty is to help me praise
God for all the blessings and gifts which He has given me. When I receive
Jesus in Holy Communion, I ask Him fervently to deign to heal my tongue so
that I would offend neither God nor neighbor by it. I want my tongue to
praise God without cease. Great are the faults committed by the tongue. The
soul will not attain sanctity if it does not keep watch over its tongue.
94 O my Lord, inflame my heart
with love for You, that my spirit may not grow weary amidst the storms, the
sufferings and the trials. You see how weak I am. Love can do all.
95 +A Deeper Knowledge of God and
the Terror of the Soul.
In the beginning, God lets himself be known as Holiness, Justice, Goodness - that is to say, Mercy. The soul does not come to know this all at once, but piecemeal, in flashes; that is to say, when God draws near. And this does not last for long, because the soul could not bear such light. During prayer the soul experiences flashes of this light which make it impossible to pray as before. Try as it may to force itself to pray as it did before, all is in vain; it becomes completely impossible for it to continue to pray as it did before it received this light. This light which has touched the soul is alive within it, and nothing can either quench or diminish it. This flash of the knowledge of God draws the soul and enkindles its love for Him. But this same flash, at the same time, allows the soul to know itself as it is; the soul sees its whole interior in a superior light, and it rises up alarmed and terrified. Still, it does not remain under the effects of terror, but it begins to purify itself, to humble and abase itself before the Lord. These lights become stronger and more frequent; the more the soul is crystallized, the more these lights penetrate it. However, if the soul has responded faithfully and courageously to these first graces, God fills it with His consolations and gives himself to it in a perceptible manner. At certain moments, the soul, as it were, enters into intimacy with God and greatly rejoices in this; it believes that it has already reached the degree of perfection destined for it, because its defects and faults are asleep within it, and this makes it think that they no longer exist. Nothing seems difficult for it; it is ready for everything. It begins to plunge itself into God and taste the divine delights. It is carried along by grace and does not take account of the fact that the time of trial and testing may come. And, in fact, this state does not last long. Other moments will soon come. I should add here, however, that the soul will respond more faithfully to divine grace if it has a well - informed confessor to whom it can confide everything.
97 Faith staggers under the
impact; the struggle is fierce. The soul tries hard to cling to God by an act
of will. With God's permission, Satan goes even further: hope and love are
put to the test. These temptations are terrible. God supports the soul in
secret, so to speak. The soul is not aware of this, but otherwise it would be
impossible to stand firm; and God knows very well how much He can allow to
befall a soul. The soul is tempted to unbelief in respect to revealed truths
and to insincerity toward the confessor. Satan says to it, "Look, no one
understands you; why speak about all this?" Words that terrify it sound
in its ears, and it seems to the soul that it is uttering these against God.
It sees what it does not want to see. It hears what it does not want to hear.
And, oh, it is a terrible thing at times like these not to have an
experienced confessor! The soul carries the whole burden alone. However, one
should make every effort to find, if it is at all possible, a well-informed
confessor, for the soul can collapse under the burden and come to the very
edge of the precipice. All these trials are heavy and difficult. God does not
send them to a soul which has not already been admitted to a deeper intimacy
with Him and which has not yet tasted the divine delights. Besides, in this
God has His own plans, which for us are impenetrable. God often prepares a
soul in this way for His future designs and great works. He wants to try it
as pure gold is tried. But this is not yet the end of the testing; there is
still the trial of trials, the complete abandonment of the soul by God.
+ The Trial of Trials, Complete
Abandonment - Despair
98 When the soul comes out victorious from the preceding trials, even though it may stumble here and there, it fights on valiantly, humbly calling upon God, "Save me, I am perishing!" And it is still able to fight on. At this point, however, the soul is engulfed in a horrible night. It sees within itself only sin. It feels terrible. It sees itself completely abandoned by God. It feels itself to be the object of His hatred. It is but one step away from despair. The soul does its best to defend itself; it tries to stir up its confidence; but prayer is an even greater torment for it, as this prayer seems to arouse God to an even greater anger. The soul finds itself poised on the summit of a lofty mountain on the very brink of a precipice. The soul is drawn to God, but feels repulsed. All other sufferings and tortures in the world are as nothing compared with this sensation into which it has been plunged; namely, that of being rejected by God. No one can bring it any relief; it finds itself completely alone; there is no one to defend it. It raises its eyes to heaven, but is convinced that this is not for her-for her all is lost. It falls deeper and deeper from darkness to darkness, and it seems to it that it has lost forever the God it used to love so dearly. This thought is torture beyond all description. But the soul does not agree to it and tries to lift its gaze toward heaven, but in vain! And this makes the torture even more intense. If God wishes to keep the soul in such darkness, no one will be able to give it light. It experiences rejection by God in a vivid and terrifying manner. From its heart burst forth painful moans, so painful that no priest will comprehend it, unless he himself has been through these trials. In the midst of this, the evil spirit adds to the soul's suffering, mocking it: "Will you persist in your faithfulness? This is your reward; you are in our power!" But Satan has only as much influence over the soul as God allows him, and God knows how much we can bear. "What have you gotten out of your mortifications," says Satan, "and out of your fidelity to the rule? What use are all these efforts? You have been rejected by God!" This word, rejected, becomes a fire which penetrates every nerve to the marrow of the bone. It pierces right through her entire being. The ordeal reaches its climax. The soul no longer looks for help anywhere. It shrinks into itself and loses sight of everything; it is as though it has accepted the torture of being abandoned. This is a moment for which I have no words. This is the agony of the soul.
102 After some time, one of the
sisters came into the cell and found me almost dead. She was frightened and
went to find the Directress of Novices who, in the name of holy obedience
ordered me to get up from the ground. My strength returned immediately, and I
got up, trembling. The Directress recognized immediately the state of my soul
and spoke to me about the inscrutable mercy of God, saying, "Do not be
distressed about anything, Sister. I command this of you in virtue of
obedience." Then she said to me, "I see now, Sister, that God is
calling you to a high degree of holiness; the Lord wants to draw you very
close to Himself since He has allowed these things to happen to you so soon.
Be faithful to God, Sister, because this is a sign that He wants you to have
a high place in heaven." However, I did not understand anything of these
words. When I went into the chapel, I felt as though my soul had been set
free from everything, as though I had just come forth from the hand of God. I
perceived the inviolability of my soul; I felt that I was a tiny child.
106 Though these are frightening
things, the soul should not be too fearful, because God will never test us
beyond what we are able to bear. On the other hand, He may never send us such
sufferings, but I write this because, if it pleases the Lord to let a soul
pass through such sufferings, it should not be afraid but, insofar as this
depends on the soul itself, it should remain faithful to God. God will do a
soul no harm, because He is Love itself, and in this unfathomable love has
called it into being. However, when I was so tormented, I myself did not
understand this.
107 O my God, I have come to know
that I am not of this earth; You, O Lord, have poured this profound awareness
into my soul. My communion is more with heaven than with earth, though I in
no way neglect my duties.
111 When, in the midst of these
interior torments, I tried to accuse myself in confession of the smallest
trifles, the priest was surprised that I had not committed graver faults, and
he said to me, "If you are as faithful as this to God during these
sufferings, this in itself is evidence to me that God is sustaining you,
Sister, with a special grace, and it is a good thing that you do not understand
this." It is a strange thing, nevertheless, that confessors could
neither understand me nor set my mind at peace concerning these matters,
until I met Father Andrasz and, later on, Father Sopocko.
114 +Oh, how pleasing are the
hymns flowing from a suffering soul! All heaven delights in such a soul,
especially when it is tested by God. It mournfully sings out its longing for
Him. Great is its beauty, because it comes from God. The soul walks through
the jungle of life, wounded by God's love. With one foot only it touches the
ground.
115 + When a soul has come out of
these tribulations, it is deeply humble. Its purity of soul is great. It
knows better without need of reflecting, as it were, what it ought to do at a
given moment and what to forbear. It feels the lightest touch of grace and is
very faithful to God. It recognizes God from afar and continuously rejoices
in Him. It discovers God very quickly in other souls and in its environment
in general. The soul has been purified by God himself. God, as Pure Spirit,
introduces the soul to a life which is purely spiritual. God himself has
first prepared and purified the soul; that is, He has made it capable of
close communion with himself. The soul, in a state of loving repose, communes
spiritually with the Lord. It speaks to God without the need of expressing
itself through the senses. God fills it with His light.
The enlightened mind sees clearly and distinguishes the various degrees of the spiritual life. It recognizes [that state] when its union with God was imperfect: where the senses were involved, and the spirit was linked with the senses in a manner-exalted and special, to be sure but not yet perfect. There is a higher and more perfect union with God; namely, intellectual union. Here, the soul is safer from illusions; its spirituality is purer and more profound. In a life where the senses are involved, there is more danger of illusion. Both for the soul and for its confessor, prudence must play a greater part. There are moments when God introduces the soul to a purely spiritual state. The senses dim and are seemingly dead. The soul is most closely united to God; it is immersed in the Deity; its knowledge is complete and perfect, not sporadic as before, but total and absolute. It rejoices in this. But I want to say more about those moments of trial; at those times the confessor must have patience with such a soul. But the soul must have even greater patience with itself.
129 Satan always takes advantage
of such moments; thoughts of discouragement began to rise to the surface-for
your faithfulness and sincerity-this is your reward. How can one be sincere
when one is so misunderstood? Jesus, Jesus, I cannot go on any longer. Again
I fell to the ground under this weight, and I broke out in a sweat, and fear
began to overcome me. I had no one to lean on interiorly. Suddenly I heard a
voice within my soul, Do not fear; I am with you. And an unusual light
illumined my mind, and I understood that I should not give in to such
sorrows. I was filled with a certain strength and left my cell with new
courage to suffer.
132 I must again mention that
there are some confessors who seem to be true spiritual fathers, but only as
long as things go well. When the soul finds itself in greater need, they
become perplexed, and either cannot or will not understand the soul. They try
to get rid of the person as soon as possible. But if the soul is humble, it
will always profit in some little way or other. God himself will sometimes
cast a shaft of light into the depths of the soul, because of its humility
and faith. The confessor will sometimes say something he had never intended
to say, without even realizing it himself. Oh, let the soul believe that such
words are the words of the Lord himself! Though indeed we ought to believe that
every word spoken in the confessional is God's, what I have referred to above
is something that comes directly from God. And the soul perceives that the
priest is not master of himself, that he is saying things that he would
rather not say. This is how God rewards faith.
I have experienced this many times myself. A certain very learned and respected priest [probably Father Wilkowski, the sisters' confessor at Plock], to whom I sometimes happened to go to confession, was always severe and opposed to these matters [which I brought up to him]. But on one occasion he replied to me, "Bear in mind, Sister, that if God is asking this of you, you should not oppose Him. God sometimes wants to be praised in just this way. Be at peace; what God has started, He will finish. But I say this to you: faithfulness to God and humility. And once again: humility. Bear well in mind what I have told you today." I was delighted, and I thought that perhaps this priest had understood me. But it so turned out that I never went to confession to him again.
136 And the Lord gave me to know
that the whole mystery depended on me, on my free consent to the sacrifice
given with full use of my faculties. In this free and conscious act lies the
whole power and value before His Majesty. Even if none of these things for
which I offered myself would ever happen to me, before the Lord everything
was as though it had already been consummated.
At that moment, I realized I was entering into communion with the incomprehensible Majesty. I felt that God was waiting for my word, for my consent. Then my spirit immersed itself in the Lord, and I said, "Do with me as You please. I subject myself to Your will. As of today, Your holy will shall be my nourishment, and I will be faithful to Your commands with the help of Your grace. Do with me as You please. I beg You, O Lord, be with me at every moment of my life."
138 A great mystery has been
accomplished between God and me. Courage and strength have remained in my
soul. When the time of adoration came to an end, I came out and calmly faced
everything I had feared so much before. When I came out into the corridor, a
great suffering and humiliation, at the hands of a certain person, was
awaiting me. I accepted it with submission to a higher will and snuggled
closely to the Most Sacred Heart of Jesus, letting Him know that I was ready
for that for which I had offered myself.
Suffering seemed to spring out of the ground. Even Mother Margaret herself was surprised. For others, many things passed unnoticed, for indeed it wasn't worth paying any attention to them; but in my case, nothing passed unnoticed; each word was analyzed, each step watched. One sister said to me, "Get ready, Sister, to receive a small cross at the hands of Mother Superior. I feel sorry for you." But as for me, I rejoiced at this in the depths of my soul and had been ready for it for a long time. When she saw my courage, she was surprised. I see now that a soul cannot do much of itself, but with God it can do all things. Behold what God's grace can do. Few are the souls that are always watchful for divine graces, and even fewer of such souls who follow those inspirations faithfully.
139 Still, a soul which is
faithful to God cannot confirm its own inspirations; it must submit them to
the control of a very wise and learned priest; and until it is quite certain,
it should remain distrustful. It should not, on its own initiative alone, put
its trust in these inspirations and all other higher graces, because it can
thus expose itself to great losses.
Even though a soul may immediately distinguish between false inspirations and those of God, it should nevertheless be careful, because many things are uncertain. God is pleased and rejoices when a soul distrusts Him for His own sake; because it loves Him, it is prudent and itself asks and searches for help to make certain that it is really God who is acting within it. And once a well-instructed confessor has confirmed this, the soul should be at peace and give itself up to God, according to His directions; that is, according to the directions of the confessor.
145 Oh, how wretched my soul is
for having wasted so many graces! I was running away from God, and He pursued
me with his graces. I most often experienced God's graces when I least
expected them. From the moment He gave me a spiritual director, I have been
more faithful to grace. Thanks to the director and his watchfulness over my
soul, I have learned what guidance means and how Jesus looks at it. Jesus
warned me of the least fault and stressed that He himself judges the matter
that I present to my confessor; and [He told me] that ... any
transgressions against the confessor touch Me myself.
When under his direction my soul began to experience deep recollection and peace, I often heard these words in my soul: Strengthen yourself for combat - repeated over and over at various times. +Jesus often makes known to me what He does not like in my soul, and He has more than once rebuked me for what seemed to be trifles, but which were, in fact, things of great importance. He has warned me and tried me like a Master. For many years He himself educated me, until the moment when He gave me a spiritual director. Previously, He himself had made clear to me what I did not understand; but now, He tells me to ask my confessor about everything and often says, I will answer you through his mouth. Be at peace. It has never happened to me that I have received an answer which was contrary to what the Lord wanted of me, when I presented it to the spiritual director [Father Sopocko]. It sometimes happens that Jesus first asks certain things of me, about which no one knows anything, and then, when I kneel at the confessional, my confessor gives me the same order-however, this is infrequent. +When, over a long period of time, a soul has received much light and many inspirations, and when the confessors have confirmed the source of these inspirations and set the soul at peace; if its love is great, Jesus now makes it known that it is time to put into action what it has received. The soul recognizes that God is counting on it, and this knowledge fortifies it. It knows that to be faithful it will often have to face various difficulties, but it trusts in God and, thanks to this trust, it reaches that point to which God is calling it. Difficulties do not terrify it; they are its daily bread, as it were. They do not frighten or terrify the soul, just as a warrior who is constantly in battle is not terrified by the roar of the cannon. Far from being frightened, it listens to determine from which side the enemy is launching his attack, in order to defeat him. It does nothing blindly, but examines and ponders everything deeply and, not counting on itself, it prays fervently and asks advice of other warriors who are experienced and wise. When the soul acts in this way, it nearly always wins. There are attacks when a soul has no time to think or seek advice; then it must enter into a life-or-death struggle. Sometimes it is good to flee for cover in the wound of the Heart of Jesus, without answering a single word. By this very act the enemy is already defeated. In time of peace, as well, the soul continues making efforts, just as in time of battle. It must exercise itself, and do so with energy; otherwise it has no chance of attaining victory. I regard the time of peace as a time of preparation for victory. The soul must be ever watchful; watchfulness and again, watchfulness. The soul that reflects receives much light. A distracted soul runs the risk of a fall, and let it not be surprised when it does fall. O Spirit of God, Director of the soul, wise is he whom You have trained! But for the Spirit of God to act in the soul, peace and recollection are needed.
148 +A noble and delicate soul,
even the most simple, but one of delicate sensibilities, sees God in
everything, finds Him everywhere, and knows how to find Him in even the most
hidden things. It finds all things important, it highly appreciates all
things, it thanks God for all things, it draws profit for the soul from all
things, and it gives all glory to God. It places its trust in God and is not
confused when the time of ordeals comes. It knows that God is always the best
of Fathers and makes little of human opinion. It follows faithfully the
faintest breath of the Holy Spirit; it rejoices in this Spiritual Guest and
holds onto Him like a child to its mother. Where other souls come to a
standstill and fear, this soul passes on without fear or difficulty.
149 When the Lord himself wants to
be close to a soul and to lead it, He will remove everything that is
external. When I fell ill and was taken to the infirmary, I suffered much
unpleasantness because of this. There were two of us sick in the infirmary.
Sisters would come to see Sister N., but no one came to visit me. It is true that
there was only one infirmary, but each one had her own cell. The winter
nights were long, and Sister N. had the light and the radio headphones, while
I could not even prepare my meditation for lack of a light.
When nearly two weeks had passed in this way, I complained to the Lord one evening that I was suffering so much and that I could not even prepare my meditation because there was no light. And the Lord said that He would come every evening and give me the points for the next day's meditation. These points always concerned His sorrowful Passion. He would say, Consider My sufferings before Pilate. And thus, point by point, I meditated upon His sorrowful Passion for one week. From that moment, a great joy entered my soul, and I no longer wanted either the visitors or the light; Jesus sufficed me for everything. The superiors were indeed very solicitous for the sick, but the Lord ordained that I should feel forsaken. This best of masters withdraws every created thing in order that He himself might act. Many a time, I have experienced such sufferings and persecutions that Mother M. [probably Mother Margaret] herself said to me, "Sister, along your path, sufferings just spring up out of the ground. I look upon you, Sister, as one crucified. But I can see that Jesus has a hand in this. Be faithful to the Lord."
150 + I want to write down a dream
that I had about Saint Therese of the Child Jesus. I was still a novice at
the time and was going through some difficulties which I did not know how to
overcome. They were interior difficulties connected with exterior ones. I
made novenas to various saints, but the situation grew more and more
difficult. The sufferings it caused me were so great that I did not know how
to go on living, but suddenly the thought occurred to me that I should pray
to Saint Therese of the Child Jesus. I started a novena to this Saint,
because before entering the convent I had had a great devotion to her. Lately
I had somewhat neglected this devotion, but in my need I began again to pray
with great fervor.
On the fifth day of the novena, I dreamed of Saint Therese, but it was as if she were still living on earth. She hid from me the fact that she was a saint and began to comfort me, saying that I should not be worried about this matter, but should trust more in God. She said, "I suffered greatly, too," but I did not quite believe her and said, "It seems to me that you have not suffered at all." But Saint Therese answered me in a convincing manner that she had suffered very much indeed and said to me, "Sister, know that in three days the difficulty will come to a happy conclusion." When I was not very willing to believe her, she revealed to me that she was a saint. At that moment, a great joy filled my soul, and I said to her, "You are a saint?" "Yes," she answered, "I am a saint. Trust that this matter will be resolved in three days:" And I said, "Dear sweet Therese, tell me, shall I go to heaven?" And she answered, "Yes, you will go to heaven, Sister." "And will I be a saint?" To which she replied, "Yes, you will be a saint." "But, little Therese, shall I be a saint as you are, raised to the altar?" And she answered, "Yes, you will be a saint just as I am, but you must trust in the Lord Jesus." I then asked her if my mother and father would go to heaven, will [unfinished sentence] And she replied that they would. I further asked, "And will my brothers and sisters go to heaven?" She told me to pray hard for them, but gave me no definite answer. I understood that they were in need of much prayer. This was a dream. And as the proverb goes, dreams are phantoms; God is faith. Nevertheless, three days later the difficulty was solved very easily, just as she had said. And everything in this affair turned out exactly as she said it would. It was a dream, but it had its significance.
159 +O Blessed Host, in golden
chalice enclosed for me,
That through the vast wilderness of exile I may pass-pure, immaculate, undefiled; Oh, grant that through the power of Your love this might come to be. O Blessed Host, take up Your dwelling within my soul, O Thou my heart's purest love! With Your brilliance the darkness dispel. Refuse not Your grace to a humble heart. O Blessed Host, enchantment of all heaven, Though Your beauty be veiled And captured in a crumb of bread, Strong faith tears away that veil.
170 The first day of the retreat.
I tried to be the first in the chapel in the morning; before the meditation I
had a bit of time for prayer to the Holy Spirit and to Our Lady. I earnestly
begged the Mother of God to obtain for me the grace of fidelity to these
inner inspirations and of faithfully carrying out God's will, whatever it
might be. I began this retreat with a very special kind of courage.
171 Struggle to keep silence. As usual, sisters from various houses came to the retreat. One of the sisters whom I had not seen for a long time, came to my cell and said she had something to tell me. I did not answer her, and she saw that I did not want to break silence. She said to me, "I didn't know you were such an eccentric, sister," and she went away. I was well aware that she had no other business with me than to satisfy her own curious self-love. O God, preserve me in faithfulness.
174 At that moment the priest came in and
began the conference. He spoke for a short time, as if he were in a hurry.
After the conference, he went over to the confessional. Seeing that none of
the sisters were going there, I sprang from my kneeler, and in an instant was
in the confessional. There was no time to deliberate. Instead of telling the
father about the doubts that had been sown in me in respect to my dealings
with the Lord Jesus, I began to speak about these temptations I have just
described above. The confessor immediately understood my situation and said,
"Sister, you distrust the Lord Jesus because He treats you so kindly.
Well, Sister, be completely at peace. Jesus is your Master, and your
communing with Him is neither daydreaming nor hysteria nor illusion. Know
that you are on the right path. Please try to be faithful to these graces;
you are not free to shun them. You do not need at all, Sister, to tell your
superiors about these interior graces, unless the Lord Jesus instructs you
clearly to do so, and even then you should first consult with your confessor.
But if the Lord Jesus demands something external, in this case, after
consulting your confessor, you should carry out what He asks of you, even if
this costs you greatly. On the other hand, you must tell your confessor
everything. There is absolutely no other course for you to take, Sister. Pray
that you may find a spiritual director, or else you will waste these great
gifts of God. I repeat once again, be at peace; you are following the right
path. Take no heed of anything else, but always be faithful to the Lord Jesus,
no matter what anyone says about you. It is with just such miserable souls
that the Lord Jesus communes in this intimate way. And the more you humble
yourself, the more the Lord Jesus will unite Himself with you." 175 176
177
189 On one occasion, Jesus gave me
to know how pleasing to Him is the soul that faithfully keeps the rule. A
soul will receive a greater reward for observing the rule than for penances
and great mortifications. The latter will be rewarded also if they are
undertaken over and above the rule, but they will not surpass the rule.
204 A short conversation with
Mother Directress [Margaret]. When I asked her about some particulars
concerning progress in the spiritual life, this holy Mother answered
everything with great clarity. She said to me, "if you continue
cooperating with God's grace in this way, Sister, you will be only one step
away from close union with God. You understand what I mean by this. This
means that your characteristic trait should be faithfulness to the grace of the
Lord. God does not lead all souls along such a path."
210 I fervently beg the Lord to
strengthen my faith, so that in my drab, everyday life I will not be guided
by human dispositions, but by those of the spirit. Oh, how everything drags
man towards the earth! But lively faith maintains the soul in the higher
regions and assigns self-love its proper place; that is to say, the lowest
one.
226 The rules that I most often fail to
obey: sometimes I break silence; disobedience to the signal of the bell;
sometimes I meddle in other people's affairs. I will do my very best to
improve.
I will avoid sisters who grumble, and if they cannot be avoided, I will at least keep silent before them, thus letting them know how sorry I am to hear such things. I must take no heed of the opinion of others, but obey the evidence of my own conscience and take God to be the witness of all my actions. I must do everything and act in all matters now as I would like to do and act at the hour of my death. For this reason, in every action I must be mindful of God. Avoid presumed permissions.[67] I must report [even] small things to my superiors, and do so in as much detail as is possible. I must be faithful in my spiritual exercises; I must not easily ask to be dispensed from them. I must keep silence outside the time of recreation, and avoid jokes and witty words that make others laugh and break silence. I must have great appreciation for even the most minute rules. I must not let myself become absorbed in the whirl of work, [but] take a break to look up to heaven. Speak little with people, but a good deal with God. Avoid familiarity. I must pay little attention as to who is for me and who is against me. I must not tell others about those things I have had to put up with. I must avoid speaking out loud to others during work. I must maintain peace and equanimity during times of suffering. In difficult moments I must take refuge in the wounds of Jesus; I must seek consolation, comfort, light and affirmation in the wounds of Jesus. 227 +In the midst of trials I will try to see the loving hand of God. Nothing is as constant as suffering-it always faithfully keeps the soul company. O Jesus, I will let no one surpass me in loving You! +O Jesus, hidden in the Blessed Sacrament,
230 Jesus, living Host, You are my
Mother, You are my all! It is with simplicity and love, with faith and trust
that I will always come to You, O Jesus! I will share everything with You, as
a child with its loving mother, my joys and sorrows-in a word, everything.
234 When I finished this
confession, my spirit was immersed in God, and I prayed for three hours, but
it seemed to me like only a few minutes. Since then, I have placed no
obstacles in the way of grace working in my soul. Jesus knew why I had been
afraid to commune intimately with Him and was not at all offended. From the
moment the priest assured me that what I had experienced was not an illusion,
but the grace of God, I have tried to be faithful to God in everything. I can
see now that there are few such priests who understand the full depth of
God's work in the soul. Since then, my wings have been set free for flight,
and I yearn to soar into the very fire of the sun. My flight will not come to
an end until I rest in Him forever. When we fly very high, all the vapors,
mists and clouds are beneath our feet, and our whole carnal being is
necessarily subject to the spirit.
248 The words of the Bishop
[Rospond[73]], spoken at the
ceremony of the taking of perpetual vows: "Accept this candle as a sign
of heavenly light and of burning love." While giving the ring: "I
betroth you to Jesus Christ, the Son of the Father Most High; may He keep you
unblemished. Take this ring as a sign of the eternal covenant you are making
with Christ, the Spouse of Virgins. May it be for you the ring of faith and
the sign of the Holy Spirit, that you may be called the bride of Christ and,
if you serve Him faithfully, be crowned [as such] for all eternity.
249 +Jesus, I trust in You; I trust in the ocean of your mercy. You are a Mother to me.
257 Tomorrow I am to leave for
Vilnius. Today, I went to confession to Father Andrasz, this priest who is so
filled with the spirit of God, who untied my wings so that I could soar to
the highest summits. He reassured me in everything and told me to believe in
Divine Providence. "Have confidence and walk ahead with courage."
An extraordinary, divine power came over me after that confession. Father
stressed that I must be faithful to God's grace and said, "No harm will
come to you if, in the future, you continue to keep this same simplicity and
obedience. Have confidence in God; you are on the right path and in good
hands, in God's hands."
263 +The week for confession came
and, to my great joy, I saw the priest I had known before coming to Vilnius.
[That is to say,] I had known him by seeing him in a vision. At that moment,
I heard these words in my soul: This is My faithful servant; he will help
you to fulfill My will here on earth. Yet, I did not open myself to him
as the Lord wished. And for some time I struggled against grace. During each
confession, God's grace penetrated me in a very special way, yet I did not
reveal my soul before him, and I had the intention of not going to confession
to that priest. After this decision, a terrible anxiety entered my soul. God
reproached me severely. When I did lay bare my soul completely to this
priest, Jesus poured an ocean of graces into it. Now I understand what it
means to be faithful to a particular grace. That one grace draws down a whole
series of others.
264 +O my Jesus, keep me near to You! See how weak I am! I cannot go a step forward by myself; so You, Jesus, must stand by me constantly like a mother by a helpless child-and even more so.
272 But previously, this priest
had put me through many trials. When I told him that the Lord wanted these
things of me [that is, the painting of the image, the establishing of a feast
of The Divine Mercy, and the founding of a new community], he laughed at me
and told me to come to confession at eight in the evening. When I came at
eight, a brother was already locking the church. When I told him that Father
had ordered me to come at that time and asked him to let Father know I was
there, the good brother went to let him know. Father told him to tell me that
priests do not hear confessions at that time of day. I returned home
emptyhanded and did not go to confession to him again, but I made a whole
hour's adoration and took on certain mortifications for him, that he might
obtain light from God in order to know souls. But when Father Sopocko left,
and he substituted for him, I was forced to go to confession to him. Yet,
while previously he had been unwilling to acknowledge these inner
inspirations, he now put me under obligation to be faithful to them. God lets
such things happen sometimes, but may He be glorified in everything. Still,
it requires much grace not to falter.
278 At the feet of the Lord.
Hidden Jesus, Eternal Love, our Source of Life, Divine Madman, in that You
forget yourself and see only us. Before creating heaven and earth, You
carried us in the depths of Your Heart. O Love, O depth of Your abasement, O
mystery of happiness, why do so few people know You? Why is Your love not
returned? O Divine Love, why do You hide Your beauty? O Infinite One beyond
all understanding, the more I know You the less I comprehend You; but because
I cannot comprehend You, I better comprehend Your greatness. I do not envy
the Seraphim their fire, for I have a greater gift deposited in my heart.
They admire You in rapture, but Your Blood mingles with mine. Love is heaven
given us already here on earth. Oh, why do You hide in faith? Love tears away
the veil. There is no veil before the eye of my soul, for You yourself have
drawn me into the bosom of secret love forever. Praise and glory be to You, O
Indivisible Trinity, One God, unto ages of ages!
291 On a certain occasion, I saw a
person about to commit a mortal sin. I asked the Lord to send me the greatest
torments so that that soul could be saved. Then I suddenly felt the terrible
pain of a crown of thorns on my head. It lasted for quite a long time, but
that person remained in the Lord's grace. 0 my Jesus, how very easy it is to
become holy; all that is needed is a bit of good will. If Jesus sees this
little bit of good will in the soul, He hurries to give himself to the soul,
and nothing can stop Him, neither shortcomings nor falls-absolutely nothing.
Jesus is anxious to help that soul, and if it is faithful to this grace from
God, it can very soon attain the highest holiness possible for a creature
here on earth. God is very generous and does not deny His grace to anyone.
Indeed He gives more than what we ask of Him. Faithfulness to the
inspirations of the Holy Spirit-that is the shortest route.
292 +When a soul loves God
sincerely, it ought not fear anything in the spiritual life. Let it subject
itself to the action of grace, and let it not impose any restraints on itself
in communing with the Lord.
300 +Ask of my faithful servant
[Father Sopocko] that, on this day, he tell the whole world of My great
mercy; that whoever approaches the Fount of Life on this day will be granted
complete remission of sins and punishment.
+Mankind will not have peace until it turns with trust to My mercy. +Oh, how much I am hurt by a soul's distrust! Such a soul professes that I am Holy and Just, but does not believe that I am Mercy and does not trust in My Goodness. Even the devils glorify My Justice but do not believe in My Goodness. My Heart rejoices in this title of Mercy.
301 Proclaim that mercy is the
greatest attribute of God. All the works of My hands are crowned with mercy.
302 +O Eternal Love, I want all
the souls You have created to come to know You. I would like to be a priest,
for then I would speak without cease about Your mercy to sinful souls drowned
in despair. I would like to be a missionary and carry the light of faith to
savage nations in order to make You known to souls, and to be completely
consumed for them and to die a martyr's death, just as You died for them and
for me. O Jesus, I know only too well that I can be a priest, a missionary, a
preacher, and that I can die a martyr's death by completely emptying myself
and denying myself for love of You, O Jesus, and of immortal souls.
328 O purest Love, rule in all
Your plenitude in my heart and help me to do Your holy will most faithfully!
331 Oh, how great a grace it is to
have a spiritual director! One makes more rapid progress in virtue, sees the
will of God more clearly, fulfills it more faithfully, and follows a road
that is sure and free of dangers. The director knows how to avoid the rocks
against which the soul could be shattered. The Lord gave me this grace rather
late, to be sure, but I rejoice in it greatly, seeing how God inclines His
will to my director's wishes. I will mention just one incident out of a
thousand that have happened to me. As I usually do, I asked the Lord Jesus
one evening to give me the points for next day's meditation. I received the
answer: Meditate on the Prophet Jonah and his mission. I thanked the Lord,
but began to think within myself of how different that subject was from the
others. But with all my soul I strove to meditate about it, and I recognized
myself in the person of the prophet, in the sense that often I, too, try to
make excuses to the Lord, claiming that someone else would do His holy will
better [than I could], and not understanding that God can do all things and
that His omnipotence will be all the more manifest if the tool is poorer. God
made this clear to me in the following way. That afternoon, there was
confession for the community. When I presented to the director of my soul the
fear that seized me because of this mission for which God was using me,
clumsy tool that I was, my spiritual father answered that, willing or not, we
must carry out the will of God, and he gave me the Prophet Jonah as an
example. After the confession, I wondered how the confessor knew that God had
told me to meditate about Jonah; surely I myself had not told him. Then I
heard these words:When the priest acts in my place, he does not act of
himself, but I act through him. His wishes are Mine. I can see how Jesus
defends His representatives. He himself enters into their actions.
333 I now see clearly how God acts
through the confessor and how faithfully He keeps His promises. Two weeks
ago, my confessor told me to reflect upon this spiritual childhood. It was
somewhat difficult at first, but my confessor, disregarding my difficulties,
told me to continue to reflect upon spiritual childhood. "In practice,
this spiritual childhood," [he said,] "should manifest itself in
this way: a child does not worry about the past or the future, but makes use
of the present moment. I want to emphasize that spiritual childlikeness in
you, Sister, and I place great stress upon it." I can see how God bows
down to my confessor's wishes; He does not show himself to me at this time as
a Teacher in the fullness of His strength and human adulthood, but as a
little Child. The God who is beyond all understanding stoops to me under the
appearance of a little Child.
352 At the chapter, Mother
[Borgia] stressed a life of faith and fidelity in small things. Half way
through the chapter, I heard these words: I desire that you would all have
more faith at the present time. How great is My joy at the faithfulness of My
spouse in the smallest things. Then I looked at the crucifix and saw that
Jesus' head was turned towards the refectory, and His lips were moving.
When I told Mother Superior about it, she answered, "You see, Sister, how Jesus demands that our life be a life of faith." 353 When Mother left for the chapel and I stayed to set the room in order, I heard these words: Tell all the sisters that I demand that they live in the spirit of faith towards the superiors at this present time. I begged my confessor to release me from this duty.
424 In the evening, I just about
got into bed, and I fell asleep immediately. Though I fell asleep quickly, I
was awakened even more quickly. A little child came and woke me up. The child
seemed about a year old, and I was surprised it could speak so well, as children
of that age either do not speak or speak very indistinctly The child was
beautiful beyond words and resembled the Child Jesus, and he said to me, Look
at the sky. And when I looked at the sky I saw the stars and the moon
shining. Then the child asked me, Do you see this moon and these stars? When
I said yes, he spoke these words to me, These stars are the souls of
faithful Christians, and the moon is the souls of religious. Do you see how
great the difference is between the light of the moon and the light of the
stars? Such is the difference in heaven between the soul of a religious and
the soul of a faithful Christian. And he went on to say that, True
greatness is in loving God and in humility.
449 I prepared for this feast with
greater zeal than in previous years. On the morning of the feast itself, I
experienced an inner struggle at the thought that I must leave this
Congregation which enjoys such special protection from Mary. This struggle
lasted through the meditation and through the first Mass as well. During the
second Mass, I turned to our Holy Mother, telling Her that it was difficult
for me to separate myself from this Congregation... "which is under Your
special protection, O Mary." Then I saw the Blessed Virgin, unspeakably
beautiful. She came down from the altar to my kneeler, held me close to
herself and said to me, I am Mother to you all, thanks to the unfathomable
mercy of God. Most pleasing to Me is that soul which faithfully carries out
the will of God. She gave me to understand that I had faithfully
fulfilled the will of God and had thus found favor in His eyes. Be
courageous. Do not fear apparent obstacles, but fix your gaze upon the
Passion of My Son, and in this way you will be victorious.
481 Almost every feast of the
Church gives me a deeper knowledge of God and a special grace. That is why I
prepare myself for each feast and unite myself closely with the spirit of the
Church. What a joy it is to be a faithful child of the Church! Oh, how much I
love Holy Church and all those who live in it! I look upon them as living
members of Christ, who is their Head. I burn with love with those who love; I
suffer with those who suffer, I am consumed with sorrow at the sight of those
whoa are cold and ungrateful; and I then try to have such a love for God that
it will make amends for those who do not love Him, those who feed their
Savior with ingratitude at its worst.
497 O Eternal Truth, Word
Incarnate, who most faithfully fulfilled Your Father's will, today I am
becoming a martyr of Your inspirations, since I cannot carry them out because
I have no will of my own, though interiorly I see Your will clearly. I submit
in everything to the will of my superiors and my confessor. I will follow
Your will insofar as You will permit me to do so through Your representative.
O my Jesus, it cannot be helped, but I give priority to the voice of the
Church over the voice with which You speak to me.
500 During Holy Mass I prayed
fervently that Jesus might become King of all hearts and that divine grace
might shine in every soul. Then I saw Jesus as He is depicted in the image,
and He said to me, My daughter, you give Me the greatest glory by
faithfully fulfilling My desires.
506 "Do nothing without the
consent of the superiors. One must think this matter over thoroughly and pray
much. One must be very careful about these things because, in your present
situation, Sister, the will of God is certain and clear, for you are in fact
bound to this Congregation by vows, and perpetual vows at that; so there
should be no doubt. What you are experiencing interiorly, Sister, are only
the glimmerings of a project. God can make some alterations, but such things
are very rare. Don't be in a hurry, Sister, until you have received more
precise knowledge. The works of God proceed slowly, but if they are of Him,
you will surely recognize them clearly. If they are not, they will disappear;
and you, by being obedient, will not go astray. Speak frankly about
everything to your confessor and obey him blindly.
"For the present, Sister, there is nothing more for you to do than accept the suffering until the time when everything will become clear; that is, all things will be resolved. You are well disposed as regards these matters, and so continue in this simplicity and spirit of obedience; this is a good sign. If you continue in this attitude, God will not allow you to fall into error. Still, as much as is possible, keep far away from these things, but if despite that they still come your way, receive them calmly and do not fear anything. You are in the good hands of a very good God. In all that you have told me, I do not see any illusion or anything contrary to faith. These are things which are good in themselves, and it would indeed be good if there were a group of souls pleading with God for the world, as we all are in need of prayer. You have a good director; stay with him and be at peace. Be faithful to God's will and carry it out. As to your duties, always do what you are told to do and as you are told to do it, no matter how humiliating or toilsome it might be. Always choose the last place, and then they themselves will say to you, `Go up higher.' In spirit and in your demeanor, consider yourself the least in the whole house and in the entire Congregation. In everything and at all times, be most faithful to God." 507 I desire, O my Jesus, to suffer and burn with the flame of Your love in all the circumstances of my life. I am Yours, completely Yours, and I wish to disappear in You, O Jesus, I wish to be lost in Your divine beauty. You pursue me with Your love, O Lord; You penetrate my soul like a ray of the sun and change its darkness into Your light. I feel very vividly that I am living in You as one small spark swallowed up by the incomprehensible fire with which You burn, O inconceivable Trinity! No greater joy is to be found than that of loving God. Already here on earth we can taste the happiness of those in heaven by an intimate union with God, a union that is extraordinary and often quite incomprehensible to us. One can attain this very grace through simple faithfulness of soul.
544 The novitiate [109] is to last one year, without any
interruption. At this time the novice should be taught about the virtues
relating to the vows and about the importance of the vows. The directress
should do her utmost to provide a solid formation. Let her train the novices
in the practice of humility, because only a humble heart keeps the vows
easily and experiences the great joys that God pours out upon the faithful
soul. The novices should not be burdened with duties that entail
responsibilities, so that they may be free to devote themselves to their own
perfection. They are obliged to observe the rules and statutes strictly, as
are the postulants.
545 After a year of novitiate, if the novice proves faithful, she may be admitted to make her profession for one year. This is to be repeated for three years. She may then be given duties of responsibility. However, she will still belong to the novitiate, and once a week she must attend conferences together with the novices, and she will spend the last six months entirely in the novitiate in order to prepare well for her solemn profession. [110]
Relationship of Sisters with the
Superior.
567 All the sisters should respect the superior as the Lord Jesus himself, as I mentioned when speaking about the vow of obedience. They should behave toward her with childlike trust, and should never murmur or find fault with her commands, as this is very displeasing to God. Let each be guided by a spirit of faith in her relationship to superiors; let her ask with simplicity for all that she needs. God forbid that it ever happen or be repeated that any of the sisters would be a cause of sorrow or tears to the superior. Let each one know that as the fourth commandment obliges a child to honor its parents, in like manner is the religious bound to respect her superior. Only a bad religious would take the liberty of judging her superior. Let the sisters be sincere with the superior, telling her about everything and about their needs with childlike simplicity. The sisters will address the superior thus: "With your leave, Sister Superior." They shall never kiss her hand, but whenever they meet her in the corridor or enter her cell, they should say, "Praised be Jesus Christ," bowing their heads slightly. They shall address each other as "Sister," adding the proper name. Their relationship toward the superior should be marked by a spirit of faith and not by sentimentality or flattery, as these are unworthy of a religious and would degrade her very much. A religious should be as free as a queen, and will be such only when she lives in the spirit of faith. We should obey and respect the superior, not because she is good, holy or prudent, but solely because she represents God, and by obeying her we are obeying God himself.
635 March 25. In the morning,
during meditation, God's presence enveloped me in a special way, as I saw the
immeasurable greatness of God and, at the same time, His condescension to His
creatures. Then I saw the Mother of God, who said to me, Oh, how pleasing
to God is the soul that follows faithfully the inspirations of His grace! I
gave the Savior to the world; as for you, you have to speak to the world
about His great mercy and prepare the world for the Second Coming of Him who
will come, not as a merciful Savior, but as a just Judge. Oh, how terrible is
that day! Determined is the day of justice, the day of divine wrath. The
angels tremble before it. Speak to souls about this great mercy while it is
still the time for [granting] mercy. If you keep silent now, you will be
answering for a great number of souls on that terrible day. Fear nothing. Be
faithful to the end. I sympathize with you.
637 Confession. As I was preparing
for confession, I said to Jesus, hidden in the Blessed Sacrament,
"Jesus, I beg You to speak to me through the mouth of this priest. And
this will be a sign to me, because he does not know at all that You want me
to establish that Congregation of Mercy. Let him say something to me about
this mercy."
When I approached the confessional and started my confession, the priest interrupted me and started telling me about the great mercy of God, and he spoke more forcefully about it than I had ever heard anyone speak before. And he asked me, "Do you know that the mercy of the Lord is greater than all His works, that it is the crown of His works?" And I listened attentively to these words which the Lord was speaking through the mouth of the priest. Although I believe that it is always God who speaks through the lips of the priest in the confessional, I experienced it in a special way on that occasion. Although I did not reveal anything of the divine life which is in my soul and only accused myself of my offenses, the priest himself told me very much of what was in my soul and put me under obligation to be faithful to the inspirations of God. He said to me, "You are going through life with the Mother of God, who faithfully responded to every divine inspiration." O my Jesus, who can ever comprehend Your goodness?
650 O my Jesus, my Master and
Director, strengthen and enlighten me in these difficult moments of my life.
I expect no help from people; all my hope is in You. I feel alone in the face
of Your demands, O Lord. Despite the fears and qualms of my nature, I am
fulfilling Your holy will and desire to fulfill it as faithfully as possible
throughout my life and in my death. Jesus, with You I can do all things. Do
with me as You please; only give me Your merciful Heart and that is enough
for me.
O Jesus my Lord, help me. Let what You have planned before all ages happen to me. I am ready at each beckoning of Your holy will. Enlighten my mind that I may know Your will. O God, You who pervade my soul, You know that I desire nothing but Your glory. O Divine Will, You are the delight of my heart, the food of my soul, the light of my intellect, the omnipotent strength of my will; for when I unite myself with Your will, O Lord, Your power works through me and takes the place of my feeble will. Each day, I seek to carry out God's wishes.
666 I understood that all striving
for perfection and all sanctity consist in doing God's will. Perfect
fulfillment of God's will is maturity in sanctity; there is no room for doubt
here. To receive God's light and recognize what God wants of us and yet not
do it is a great offense against the majesty of God. Such a soul deserves to
be completely forsaken by God. It resembles Lucifer, who had great light, but
did not do God's will. An extraordinary peace entered my soul when I
reflected on the fact that, despite great difficulties, I had always
faithfully followed God's will as I knew it. O Jesus, grant me the grace to
put Your will into practice as I have come to know it, O God.
667 July 14. I received a letter
at three o'clock [from Father Sopocko [135]]. O Jesus, You alone know what I suffer,
but I will keep silent and will not say anything about it to any creature,
because I know that no one will comfort me. You are everything to me, O God,
and Your holy will is my nourishment. I am living now on what I will live on
in eternity.
I have great reverence for Saint Michael the Archangel; he had no example to follow in doing the will of God, and yet he fulfilled God's will faithfully.
678 The essence of the virtues is
the will of God. He who does the will of God faithfully, practices all the
virtues. In all the events and circumstances of my life, I adore and bless
the holy will of God. The holy will of God is the object of my love. In the
most secret depths of my soul, I live according to His will. I act exteriorly
according to what I recognize inwardly as the will of God. Sweeter to me are
the torments, sufferings, persecutions and all manner of adversities by
divine will than popularity, praise and esteem by my own will.
683 + Once, when I was praying
fervently to the Jesuit Saints, I suddenly saw my Guardian Angel, who led me
before the throne of God. I passed through great hosts of saints, and I
recognized many of them, whom I knew from their pictures. I saw many Jesuits,
who asked me from what congregation I was. When I answered they asked,
"Who is your spiritual director?" I answered that it was Father
A.... When they wanted to say more, my Guardian Angel beckoned me to be
silent, and I came before the throne of God. I saw a great and inaccessible
light, and I saw a place destined for me, close to God. But what it was like
I do not know, because a cloud covered it. However, my Guardian Angel said to
me, "Here is your throne, for your faithfulness in fulfilling the will
of God."
724 On the eve of the retreat, I
started to pray that the Lord Jesus might give me just a little health so
that I could take part in the retreat, because I was feeling so ill that I
thought perhaps it might be my last. However, as soon as I had started
praying I felt a strange dissatisfaction. I interrupted the prayer of
supplication and began to thank the Lord for everything He sends me,
submitting myself completely to His holy will. Then I felt profound peace of
soul. + Faithful submission to the will of God, always and everywhere, in all
events and circumstances of life, gives great glory to God. Such submission
to the will of God carries more weight with Him than long fasts,
mortifications and the most severe penances. Oh, how great is the reward for
one act of loving submission to the will of God! As I write, my soul is
enraptured at the thought of how much God loves it and of the peace that my
soul already enjoys, here on earth.
734 I see that Jesus himself is
acting in my soul during this retreat. And as for me, I try only to be
faithful to His grace. I have submitted my soul completely to the influence
of God. This Mighty Ruler of Heaven has taken entire possession of my soul. I
feel that I am being lifted up above earth and heaven into the inner life of
God, where I come to know the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit, but always
in the unity of majesty.
742 My daughter, if I demand
through you that people revere My mercy, you should be the first to
distinguish yourself by this confidence in My mercy. I demand from you deeds
of mercy, which are to arise out of love for Me. You are to show mercy to
your neighbors always and everywhere. You must not shrink from this or try to
excuse or absolve yourself from it.
I am giving you three ways of exercising mercy toward your neighbor: the first-by deed, the second-by word, the third-by prayer. In these three degrees is contained the fullness of mercy, and it is an unquestionable proof of love for Me. By this means a soul glorifies and pays reverence to My mercy. Yes, the first Sunday after Easter is the Feast of Mercy, but there must also be acts of mercy, and I demand the worship of My mercy through the solemn celebration of the Feast and through the veneration of the image which is painted. By means of this image I shall grant many graces to souls. It is to be a reminder of the demands of My mercy, because even the strongest faith is of no avail without works. O my Jesus, You yourself must help me in everything, because You see how very little I am, and so I depend solely on Your goodness, O God.
1420 When I steeped myself in
prayer, I was transported in spirit to the chapel, where I saw the Lord
Jesus, exposed in the monstrance. In place of the monstrance, I saw the
glorious face of the Lord, and He said to me, What you see in reality,
these souls see through faith. Oh, how pleasing to Me is their great faith!
You see, although there appears to be no trace of life in Me, in reality it
is present in its fullness in each and every Host. But for Me to be able to
act upon a soul, the soul must have faith. O how pleasing to Me is living
faith!
(Diary
of Sister Faustina Kowalska Notebook-I-23, 36, 55, 62, 91-92, 95, 97-98, 102)
(Diary
of Sister Faustina Kowalska Notebook-I-106-107, 111, 114-115, 129, 132, 136)
(Diary
of Sister Faustina Kowalska Notebook-I-138-139, 145, 149-150, 159, 170-171)
(Diary
of Sister Faustina Kowalska Notebook-I-189, 210, 226-227, 230, 234, 248-249)
(Diary
of Sister Faustina Kowalska Notebook-I-257, 263-264, 272, , 278, 291-292)
(Diary
of Sister Faustina Kowalska Notebook-I-300-302, 328, 331, 333, 352-353, 424)
(Diary
of Sister Faustina Kowalska Notebook-I-449, 481, 497, 500)
(Diary
of Sister Faustina Kowalska Notebook-II-544-545, 567, 635, 637, 650, 666-668)
(Diary
of Sister Faustina Kowalska Notebook-II-683, 724, 734, 742)
(Diary
of Sister Faustina Kowalska Notebook-V-1420)
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