Costly Catholicism
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Wednesday of the
Thirty-Fourth Week in Ordinary Time
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Father Edward McIlmail, LC
Luke 21:12-19
Jesus said to his disciples: "Before all this happens, however, they will seize and persecute you, they will hand you over to the synagogues and to prisons, and they will have you led before kings and governors because of my name. It will lead to your giving testimony. Remember, you are not to prepare your defense beforehand, for I myself shall give you a wisdom in speaking that all your adversaries will be powerless to resist or refute. You will even be handed over by parents, brothers, relatives, and friends, and they will put some of you to death. You will be hated by all because of my name, but not a hair on your head will be destroyed. By your perseverance you will secure your lives.”
Introductory Prayer: Jesus my Savior, thank You for another day and another chance
to grow in holiness with your grace. I love You and wish to make You the true
center of my thoughts, desires and actions.
Petition: Lord, help me face the difficulties of
practicing my faith day-to-day.
1. Persecution: Opposition from the world is the price we
pay for following Christ. No pain, no gain. Why should that surprise us? If
living the Gospel were easy, all the world would be saints. But the Gospel is
demanding. It rubs against our fallen human nature. It demands of us — and
even makes us unpopular. Why? Because people who do good are a thorny
reminder to those who don´t. It shouldn´t surprise us that the neighbors look
down on us for having so many kids. Or that the guys in the dorm snicker at
us for living chastely. Or that the boss overlooks us for a promotion because
we wouldn´t donate to that pro-abortion group last Christmas during the
company fund drive. Do I realize that to be a Christian is to be persecuted?
2. No Defense: When Christ tells us not to prepare our
defense he´s not telling us to sit back and do nothing. Rather, he wants us
to use our talents for the Kingdom. Christ is inviting us to trust that
ultimately the victory of good over evil belongs to him. God has his time and
place for everything. In the meantime we are called to build the Kingdom
wherever we can — in our families, our offices, our schools, our communities.
How am I building the Kingdom in the areas around me?
3. Wisdom from
Above: "I myself shall
give you a wisdom in speaking…" When we stay close to Christ in prayer
and deed, he takes over our lives little by little. And that´s good. Our
selfishness fades. Our heart grows. We die to ourselves. "He must
increase; I must decrease" (John 3:30). But we have to ask ourselves: Do
we really believe in the Gospel? Do we believe in it enough to use Christ´s
words when we have to respond to the nonbelievers around us? How often do we
identify ourselves as Catholic in public?
Conversation with
Christ: Lord, You know it´s not easy to be seen as Your
friend. People laugh at us — if they don´t feel sorry for us. They don´t
understand where we are coming from. Help me understand some of the
loneliness You must have felt when You went against the world´s standards.
Help me be faithful to You regardless of the cost.
Resolution: In conversation or in an e-mail I will use a
line of Christ’s wisdom from the Gospel.
Excerpts from the DIARY of Saint Faustina
Kowalska
25 During the night, the Mother of God visited me, holding
the Infant Jesus in Her arms. My soul was filled with joy, and I said,
"Mary, my Mother, do You know how terribly I suffer?" And the
Mother of God answered me, I know how much you suffer, but do not be
afraid. I share with you your suffering, and I shall always do so. She
smiled warmly and disappeared. At once, strength and a great courage sprang
up anew in my soul; but that lasted only one day. It seemed as though hell
had conspired against me. A terrible hatred began to break out in my soul, a
hatred for all that is holy and divine. It seemed to me that these spiritual
torments would be my lot for the rest of my life. I turned to the Blessed Sacrament
and said to Jesus, "Jesus, my Spouse, do You not see that my soul is
dying because of its longing for You? How can You hide Yourself from a heart
that loves You so sincerely? Forgive me, Jesus; may Your holy will be done in
me. I will suffer silently like a dove, without complaining. I will not allow
my heart even one single cry of sorrowful complaint."
38 In order to purify a soul, Jesus uses whatever
instruments He likes. My soul underwent a complete abandonment on the part of
creatures; often my best intentions were misinterpreted by the sisters,[26] a type of suffering which is most painful;
but God allows it, and we must accept it because in this way we become more
like Jesus. There was one thing which I could not understand for a long time:
Jesus ordered me to tell everything to my Superiors, but my Superiors did not
believe what I said and treated me with pity as though I were being deluded
or were imagining things.
Because of this, believing myself to be deluded, I resolved to avoid God interiorly for fear of these illusions. But the grace of God pursued me at every step, and God spoke to me when I least expected it.
57 O my Jesus, You are the life of my life. You know only
too well that I long for nothing but the glory of Your Name and that souls
come to know Your goodness. Why do souls avoid You, Jesus?-I don't understand
that. Oh, if I could only cut my heart into tiny pieces and in this way offer
to You, O Jesus, each piece as a heart whole and entire, to make up in part
for the hearts that do not love You! I love You, Jesus, with every drop of my
blood, and I would gladly shed my blood for You to give You a proof of the
sincerity of my love. O God, the more I know You the less I can comprehend
You, but this "non-comprehension" lets me realize how great You
are! And it is this impossibility of comprehending You which enflames my
heart anew for You, O Lord. From the moment when You let me fix the eyes of my
soul on You, O Jesus, I have been at peace and desired nothing else. I found
my destiny at the moment when my soul lost itself in You, the only object of
my love. In comparison with you, everything is nothing. Sufferings,
adversities, humiliations, failures and suspicions that have come my way are
splinters that keep alive the fire of my love for You, O Jesus.
My desires are mad and unattainable. I wish to conceal from You that I suffer. I want never to be rewarded for my efforts and my good actions. You yourself, Jesus, are my only reward; You are enough, O Treasure of my heart! I want to share compassionately in the sufferings of my neighbors and to conceal my own sufferings, not only from them, but also from You, Jesus. Suffering is a great grace; through suffering the soul becomes like the Savior; in suffering love becomes crystallized; the greater the suffering, the purer the love.
67 When I fell sick [probably the beginning of
consumption] after my first vows and when, despite the kind and solicitous
care of my Superiors and the efforts of the doctor, I felt neither better nor
worse, remarks began to reach my ears which inferred that I was making
believe. With that, my suffering was doubled, and this lasted for quite a
long time. One day I complained to Jesus that I was being a burden to the
sisters. Jesus answered me, You are not living for yourself but for souls,
and other souls will profit from your sufferings. Your prolonged suffering
will give them the light and strength to accept My will.
68 The heaviest suffering for me was that it seemed to me
that neither my prayers nor my good works were pleasing to God. I did not
dare lift up my eyes to heaven. This caused me such great suffering during
the community exercises in the chapel that one day Mother Superior [Raphael]
called me aside after the exercises and said to me, "Sister, ask God for
grace and consolation, because I can see for myself and the sisters keep
telling me that the very sight of you evokes pity. I really do not know what
to do with you, Sister. I command you to stop tormenting yourself for no
reason."
But all these conferences with Mother Superior brought me no relief, nor did they clarify anything for me. Rather, even greater darkness hid God from me. I looked for help in the confessional, but not even there did I find it. A saintly priest wanted to help me, but I was so miserable that I couldn't even define my trouble, and that vexed me even more. A deathly sadness penetrated my soul to such an extent that I was unable to hide it, and it was apparent to those around me. I lost hope. The night was growing darker and darker. The priest to whom I went to confession said to me, "I see very special graces in you, Sister, and I am not worried about you at all; why are you torturing yourself in this way?" But at that time I did not understand at all what he was saying and was extremely surprised when, by way of penance, I was ordered to say the Te Deum or the Magnificat, or to run fast around the garden in the evening, or else to laugh out loud ten times a day. These penances were very surprising to me; but even with that the priest was not able to give me much help. Evidently, God wanted me to give Him glory through suffering. That priest consoled me, saying that in my present situation I was more pleasing to God than if I were filled with the greatest consolations. "It is a very great grace, Sister, "he told me, "that in your present condition, with all the torments of soul you are experiencing, you not only do not offend God, but you even try to practice virtues. I am looking into your soul, and I see God's great plans and special graces there; and seeing this, I give thanks to the Lord." But despite all that, my soul was in a state of torture; and in the midst of unspeakable torments, I imitated the blind man who entrusts himself to his guide, holding his hand firmly, not giving up obedience for a single moment, and this was my only safety in this fiery trial. 69 +O Jesus, eternal Truth, strengthen my feeble forces; You can do all things, Lord. I know that without You all my efforts are in vain. O Jesus, do not hide from me, for I cannot live without You. Listen to the cry of my soul. Your mercy has not been exhausted, Lord, so have pity on my misery. Your mercy surpasses the understanding of all Angels and people put together; and so, although it seems to me that You do not hear me, I put my trust in the ocean of Your mercy, and I know that my hope will not be deceived.
73 O my Jesus, despite the deep
night that is all around me and the dark clouds which hide the horizon, I
know that the sun never goes out. O Lord, though I cannot comprehend You and
do not understand Your ways, I nonetheless trust in Your mercy. If it is Your
will, Lord, that I live always in such darkness, may You be blessed. I ask
You only one thing, Jesus: do not allow me to offend You in any way. O my
Jesus, You alone know the longings and the sufferings of my heart. I am glad
I can suffer for You, however little. When I feel that the suffering is more
than I can bear, I take refuge in the Lord in the Blessed Sacrament, and I
speak to Him with profound silence.
+ The Trial of Trials, Complete Abandonment - Despair
98 When the soul comes out victorious from the preceding trials, even though it may stumble here and there, it fights on valiantly, humbly calling upon God, "Save me, I am perishing!" And it is still able to fight on. At this point, however, the soul is engulfed in a horrible night. It sees within itself only sin. It feels terrible. It sees itself completely abandoned by God. It feels itself to be the object of His hatred. It is but one step away from despair. The soul does its best to defend itself; it tries to stir up its confidence; but prayer is an even greater torment for it, as this prayer seems to arouse God to an even greater anger. The soul finds itself poised on the summit of a lofty mountain on the very brink of a precipice. The soul is drawn to God, but feels repulsed. All other sufferings and tortures in the world are as nothing compared with this sensation into which it has been plunged; namely, that of being rejected by God. No one can bring it any relief; it finds itself completely alone; there is no one to defend it. It raises its eyes to heaven, but is convinced that this is not for her-for her all is lost. It falls deeper and deeper from darkness to darkness, and it seems to it that it has lost forever the God it used to love so dearly. This thought is torture beyond all description. But the soul does not agree to it and tries to lift its gaze toward heaven, but in vain! And this makes the torture even more intense. If God wishes to keep the soul in such darkness, no one will be able to give it light. It experiences rejection by God in a vivid and terrifying manner. From its heart burst forth painful moans, so painful that no priest will comprehend it, unless he himself has been through these trials. In the midst of this, the evil spirit adds to the soul's suffering, mocking it: "Will you persist in your faithfulness? This is your reward; you are in our power!" But Satan has only as much influence over the soul as God allows him, and God knows how much we can bear. "What have you gotten out of your mortifications," says Satan, "and out of your fidelity to the rule? What use are all these efforts? You have been rejected by God!" This word, rejected, becomes a fire which penetrates every nerve to the marrow of the bone. It pierces right through her entire being. The ordeal reaches its climax. The soul no longer looks for help anywhere. It shrinks into itself and loses sight of everything; it is as though it has accepted the torture of being abandoned. This is a moment for which I have no words. This is the agony of the soul.
99 When for the first time this moment was drawing near, I
was snatched from it by virtue of holy obedience. The Directress of Novices,
alarmed by my appearance, sent me off to confession, but the confessor did
not understand me, and I experienced no relief whatsoever. O Jesus, give us
experienced priests!
When I told this priest I was undergoing infernal tortures, he answered that he was not worried about my soul, because he saw in it a great grace of God. But I understood nothing of this, and not even the least glimmer of light broke through to my soul.
100 Then my physical strength began to fail me, and I
could no longer carry out my duties. Nor could I any longer hide my
sufferings. Although I did not say a word about them, the look of pain on my
face betrayed me. The Superior told me that the sisters had come to her
saying that, when they look at me in the chapel, they are moved to pity
because I look so terrible. Yet, despite all efforts, the soul is unable to
conceal such suffering.
101 Jesus, You alone know how the soul, engulfed in
darkness, moans in the midst of these torments and, despite all this, thirsts
for God as burning lips thirst for water. It dies and withers; it dies a
death without death; that is to say, it cannot die. All its efforts come to
nothing; it is under a powerful hand. Now the soul comes under the power of
the Just One. All exterior temptations cease; all that surrounds it becomes
silent, like a dying person who loses contact with everything around it: the
person's entire soul is in the hand of the Just God, the Thrice-Holy God,-rejected
for all eternity! This is the culminating moment, and God alone can test a
soul in this way, because He alone knows what the soul can endure.
When the soul has been saturated through and through by this infernal fire, it is, as it were, cast headlong into great despair. My soul experienced this moment when I was all alone in my cell. When my soul began to sink into this despair, I felt that the end was near. But I seized my little crucifix and clutched it tightly in my hand. And now I felt my body separate itself from my soul; and though I wanted to go to my Superiors, I no longer had the physical strength. I uttered my last words: "I trust in Your Mercy!"-and it seemed to me that I provoked God to an even greater anger. And now I was drowned in despair, and all that was left me was a moan of unadulterated pain which, from time to time, tore itself from my soul. The soul is in agony-and it seemed to me that I would remain in this state, because by my own strength I could not emerge from it. Every recollection of God opened up an unspeakable ocean of suffering, and yet despite this there is something within the soul which is drawn to Him, though it seems to her for this only-that she suffer more. The memory of the love with which God formerly surrounded it is still another kind of suffering. His gaze pierces it, and everything within the soul is burned by this gaze. 102 After some time, one of the sisters came into the cell and found me almost dead. She was frightened and went to find the Directress of Novices who, in the name of holy obedience ordered me to get up from the ground. My strength returned immediately, and I got up, trembling. The Directress recognized immediately the state of my soul and spoke to me about the inscrutable mercy of God, saying, "Do not be distressed about anything, Sister. I command this of you in virtue of obedience." Then she said to me, "I see now, Sister, that God is calling you to a high degree of holiness; the Lord wants to draw you very close to Himself since He has allowed these things to happen to you so soon. Be faithful to God, Sister, because this is a sign that He wants you to have a high place in heaven." However, I did not understand anything of these words. When I went into the chapel, I felt as though my soul had been set free from everything, as though I had just come forth from the hand of God. I perceived the inviolability of my soul; I felt that I was a tiny child.
103 Suddenly I saw the Lord interiorly, and He said to me,
Fear not, My daughter; I am with you. In that single moment, all the
darkness and torments vanished, my senses were inundated with unspeakable
joy, [and] the faculties of my soul filled with light.
104 I want to add that, although my soul was already in
the rays of His love, traces of my past tortures remained on my body for two
days: a deathly pale face and bloodshot eyes. Jesus alone knows what I
suffered. What I have written is very poor compared to the reality. I cannot
put it in words; it seemed to me that I had come back from the other world. I
feel an aversion for everything that is created; I snuggle to the heart of
God like a baby to its mother's breast. I see everything differently now. I
am conscious of what the Lord, by one single word, has done in my soul, and I
live by it. I shudder at the recollection of this past torture. I would not
have believed that one could suffer so, if I had not gone through it myself.
This is a completely spiritual suffering.
1163 When I went to talk with the Lord for a while, I
heard a voice in my soul: My- I will not give you the grace to reveal
yourself to someone else, and even if you did bare yourself, I will not give
that priest the grace needed to understand you. At this time, it is My desire
that you put up with yourself patiently. My daughter, it is not My will that
you should tell everybody about the gifts I have granted you. I have
entrusted you to the care of the friend of My Heart, and under his direction
your soul will bloom. I have given him light to recognize My life in your
soul.
1164 My daughter, when I was before Herod, I obtained a
grace for you; namely, that you would be able to rise above human scorn and
follow faithfully in My footsteps. Be silent when they do not want to
acknowledge your truth, because it is then that you speak more eloquently.
1165 Know this, My daughter: if you strive for
perfection you will sanctify many souls; and if you do not strive for
sanctity, by the same token, many souls will remain imperfect. Know that
their perfection will depend on your perfection, and the greater part of the
responsibility for these souls will fall on you.
1166 Then He said to me, Do not fear, My child; but
remain faithful only to My grace...
1167 Satan has admitted to me that I am the object of his
hatred. He said that "a thousand souls do me less harm than you do when
you speak of the great mercy of the Almighty One. The greatest sinners regain
confidence and return to God, and I lose everything. But what is more, you
persecute me personally with that unfathomable mercy of the Almighty
One." I took note of the great hatred Satan has for the Mercy of God. He
does not want to acknowledge that God is good.
1184 On an earlier occasion.
In the evening, I saw the Lord Jesus upon the cross. From His hands, feet and side, the Most Sacred Blood was flowing. After some time, Jesus said to me, All this is for the salvation of souls. Consider well, My daughter, what you are doing for their salvation. I answered, "Jesus, when I look at Your suffering, I see that I am doing next to nothing for the salvation of souls." And the Lord said to me, Know, My daughter, that your silent day-to-day martyrdom in complete submission to My will ushers many souls into heaven. And when it seems to you that your suffering exceeds your strength, contemplate My wounds, and you will rise above human scorn and judgment. Meditation on My Passion will help you rise above all things. I understood many things I had been unable to comprehend before.
(Diary
of Sister Faustina Kowalska Notebook-I-25, 38, 57, 67-69, 73, 98-104)
(Diary
of Sister Faustina Kowalska Notebook-II-742)
(Diary
of Sister Faustina Kowalska Notebook-III-1163-1167, 1184)
http://www.saint-faustina.com/Diary/DMIMS10.shtml
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