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Excerpts from the
DIARY of Saint Faustina Kowalska
27 First vows [First profession of temporary vows, April
30, 1928]. An ardent desire to empty myself for God by an active love, but
a love that would be imperceptible, even to the sisters closest to me.
However, even after the vows, darkness continued to reign in my soul for
almost a half year. Once, when I was praying, Jesus pervaded all my soul,
darkness melted away, and I heard these words within me: You are My joy;
you are My heart's delight. From that moment I felt the Most Holy
Trinity in my heart; that is to say, within myself. I felt that I was
inundated with Divine light. Since then, my soul has been in intimate
communion with God, like a child with its beloved Father.
55 1933. Spiritual Counsel Given Me by Father Andrasz,
S.J.
First:
You must not turn away from these interior inspirations, but always tell
everything to your confessor. If you recognize that these interior
inspirations refer to your own self; that is to say, they are for the good
of your soul or for the good of other souls, l urge you to follow them; and
you must not neglect them, but always do so in consultation with your
confessor.
Second: If these inspirations are not in accord with the faith or
the spirit of the Church, they must be rejected immediately as coming from
the evil spirit.
Third: If these inspirations do not refer to souls, in general, nor
specifically to their good, you should not take them too seriously, and it
would be better to even ignore them.
But you should not make this decision by yourself, either one way or the
other, as you can easily be led astray despite these great favors from God.
Humility, humility, and ever humility, as we can do nothing of ourselves;
all is purely and simply God's grace.
You say to me that God demands great trust from souls; well then, you be
the first to show this trust. And one more word-accept all this with
serenity.
Words of one of the confessors: "Sister, God is preparing many special
graces for you, but try to make your life as clear as crystal before the
Lord, paying no attention to what anyone else thinks about you. Let God
suffice you; He alone."
Toward the end of my novitiate, a confessor [perhaps Father Theodore] told
me: "Go through life doing good, so that I could write on its pages:
`She spent her life doing good.' May God bring this about in you."
Another time the confessor said to me, "Comport yourself before God
like the widow in the Gospel; although the coin she dropped into the box
was of little value, it counted far more before God than all the big
offerings of others."
On another occasion the instruction I received was this: " Act in such
a way that all those who come in contact with you will go away joyful. Sow
happiness about you because you have received much from God; give, then,
generously to others. They should take leave of you with their hearts
filled with joy, even if they have no more than touched the hem of your
garment. Keep well in mind the words I am telling you right now."
Still another time he gave me the following recommendation: "Let God
push your boat out into the deep waters, toward the unfathomable depths of
the interior life."
Here are a few words from a conversation I had with the Mother Directress
[Mary Joseph] toward the end of my novitiate: "Sister, let simplicity
and humility be the characteristic traits of your soul. Go through life
like a little child, always trusting, always full of simplicity and
humility, content with everything, happy in every circumstance. There,
where others fear, you will pass calmly along, thanks to this simplicity
and humility. Remember this, Sister, for your whole life: as waters flow
from the mountains down into the valleys, so, too, do God's graces flow
only into humble souls."
97 Faith staggers under the impact; the struggle is
fierce. The soul tries hard to cling to God by an act of will. With God's
permission, Satan goes even further: hope and love are put to the test.
These temptations are terrible. God supports the soul in secret, so to
speak. The soul is not aware of this, but otherwise it would be impossible
to stand firm; and God knows very well how much He can allow to befall a
soul. The soul is tempted to unbelief in respect to revealed truths and to
insincerity toward the confessor. Satan says to it, "Look, no one
understands you; why speak about all this?" Words that terrify it
sound in its ears, and it seems to the soul that it is uttering these
against God. It sees what it does not want to see. It hears what it does
not want to hear. And, oh, it is a terrible thing at times like these not
to have an experienced confessor! The soul carries the whole burden alone.
However, one should make every effort to find, if it is at all possible, a
well-informed confessor, for the soul can collapse under the burden and
come to the very edge of the precipice. All these trials are heavy and
difficult. God does not send them to a soul which has not already been
admitted to a deeper intimacy with Him and which has not yet tasted the
divine delights. Besides, in this God has His own plans, which for us are
impenetrable. God often prepares a soul in this way for His future designs
and great works. He wants to try it as pure gold is tried. But this is not
yet the end of the testing; there is still the trial of trials, the
complete abandonment of the soul by God.
102 After some time, one of the sisters came into the
cell and found me almost dead. She was frightened and went to find the
Directress of Novices who, in the name of holy obedience ordered me to get
up from the ground. My strength returned immediately, and I got up,
trembling. The Directress recognized immediately the state of my soul and
spoke to me about the inscrutable mercy of God, saying, "Do not be
distressed about anything, Sister. I command this of you in virtue of
obedience." Then she said to me, "I see now, Sister, that God is
calling you to a high degree of holiness; the Lord wants to draw you very
close to Himself since He has allowed these things to happen to you so
soon. Be faithful to God, Sister, because this is a sign that He wants you
to have a high place in heaven." However, I did not understand
anything of these words. When I went into the chapel, I felt as though my
soul had been set free from everything, as though I had just come forth
from the hand of God. I perceived the inviolability of my soul; I felt that
I was a tiny child.
116 My Jesus, You know what my soul goes through at the
recollection of these sufferings. I have often marveled that the angels and
saints hold their peace at the sight of a soul suffering like that. Yet
they have special love for us at such moments. My soul has often cried out
after God, as a little child who cries as loudly as he can when his mother
covers her face and he cannot recognize her. O my Jesus, honor and glory to
You for these trials of love! Great and incomprehensible is your mercy. All
that You intended for my soul, O Lord, is steeped in Your mercy.
148 +A noble and delicate soul, even the most simple,
but one of delicate sensibilities, sees God in everything, finds Him
everywhere, and knows how to find Him in even the most hidden things. It
finds all things important, it highly appreciates all things, it thanks God
for all things, it draws profit for the soul from all things, and it gives
all glory to God. It places its trust in God and is not confused when the
time of ordeals comes. It knows that God is always the best of Fathers and
makes little of human opinion. It follows faithfully the faintest breath of
the Holy Spirit; it rejoices in this Spiritual Guest and holds onto Him
like a child to its mother. Where other souls come to a standstill and
fear, this soul passes on without fear or difficulty.
184 +Holy Hour. During this
hour, l tried to meditate on the Lord's Passion. But my soul was filled
with joy, and suddenly I saw the Child Jesus. But His majesty penetrated me
to such an extent that I said, "Jesus, You are so little, and yet I
know that You are my Creator and Lord." And Jesus answered me, I
am, and I keep company with you as a child to teach you humility and
simplicity.
I gathered all my sufferings and difficulties into a bouquet for Jesus for
the day of our perpetual betrothal. Nothing was difficult for me, when I
remembered it was for my Betrothed as proof of my love for Him.
209 In my sufferings, I do not seek help from creatures,
but God is everything to me. And yet, it often seems that even the Lord
does not hear me. I arm myself with patience and silence, like a dove that
does not complain and feels no bitterness when its children are being taken
away from it. I want to soar into the very heat of the sun, and I do not
want to stop in its vapors. I will not grow weary, because it is on You
that I am leaning-O You, my Strength!
219 In the evening, the Lord said to me, My daughter,
let nothing frighten or disconcert you. Remain deeply at peace. Everything
is in My hands. I will give you to understand everything through Father
Andrasz. Be like a child towards him.
A Moment Before the Blessed Sacrament.
220 O my eternal Lord and Creator, how am I going to thank You for this
great favor; namely, that You have deigned to choose miserable me to be
Your betrothed and that You are to unite me to yourself in an eternal bond?
O dearest Treasure of my heart, I offer You all the adoration and
thanksgiving of the Saints and of all the choirs of Angels, and I unite
myself in a special way with Your Mother. O Mary, my Mother, I humbly beg
of You, cover my soul with Your virginal cloak at this very important
moment of my life, so that thus I may become dearer to Your Son and may
worthily praise Your Son's mercy before the whole world and throughout all
eternity.
227 +In the midst of trials I will try to see the loving
hand of God. Nothing is as constant as suffering-it always faithfully keeps
the soul company. O Jesus, I will let no one surpass me in loving You!
+O Jesus, hidden in the Blessed Sacrament,
228 You see that in pronouncing my perpetual vows I am leaving the
novitiate[68] today. Jesus, You
know how weak and little I am, and so from today on, I am entering Your novitiate
in a very special way. I continue to be a novice, but Your novice, Jesus,
and You will be my Master to the last day. Daily I will attend lectures at
Your feet. I will not do the least thing by myself, without consulting You
first as my Master. Jesus, how happy I am that You yourself have drawn me
and taken me into Your novitiate; that is to say, into the tabernacle. In
making my perpetual vows, I have by no means become a perfect nun. No, no!
I am still a weak little novice of Jesus, and I must strive to acquire
perfection as I did in the first days of the novitiate, and I will make
every effort to keep the same disposition of soul which I had on that first
day the convent gate opened to admit me.
With the trust and simplicity of a small child, I give myself to You today,
O Lord Jesus, my Master. I leave You complete freedom in directing my soul.
Guide me along the paths You wish. I won't question them. I will follow You
trustingly. Your merciful Heart can do all things!
The little novice of Jesus-Sister Faustina.
229 +At the beginning of the retreat, Jesus told me, During this
retreat, I myself will direct your soul. I want to confirm you in peace and
love. And so the first few days passed by. On the fourth day, doubts
began to trouble me: Is not this tranquillity of mine false? Then I heard
these words, My daughter, imagine that you are the sovereign of all the
world and have the power to dispose of all things according to your good
pleasure. You have the power to do all the good you want, and suddenly a
little child knocks on your door, all trembling and in tears and, trusting
in your kindness, asks for a piece of bread lest he die of starvation. What
would you do for this child? Answer Me, my daughter. And I said,
"Jesus, I would give the child all it asked and a thousand times more.
"And the Lord said to me, That is how I am treating your soul. In
this retreat I am giving you, not only peace, but also such a disposition
of soul that even if you wanted to experience uneasiness you could not do
so. My love has taken possession of your soul, and I want you to be
confirmed in it. Bring your ear close to My Heart, forget everything else,
and meditate upon My wondrous mercy. My love will give you the strength and
courage you need in these matters.
230 Jesus, living Host, You are my Mother, You are my all! It is with
simplicity and love, with faith and trust that I will always come to You, O
Jesus! I will share everything with You, as a child with its loving mother,
my joys and sorrows-in a word, everything.
240 Three requests on the day of my perpetual vows.
Jesus, I know that today You will refuse me nothing.
First request: Jesus, my most beloved Spouse, I beg You for the triumph of
the Church, particularly in Russia and in Spain; for blessings on the Holy
Father, Pius XI, and on all the clergy; for the grace of conversion for
impenitent sinners. And I ask You for a special blessing and for light, O
Jesus, for the priests before whom I will make my confessions throughout my
lifetime.
Second request :I beg Your blessings on our Congregation, and may it be
filled with great zeal. Bless, O Jesus, our Mother General and our Mother
Directress, all the novices and all the superiors. Bless my dearest
parents. Bestow Your grace, O Jesus, on our wards; strengthen them so
powerfully by Your grace so that those who leave our houses will no longer
offend You by any sin. Jesus, I beg You for my homeland; protect it against
the assaults of its enemies.
Third request:Jesus, I plead with You for the souls that are most in need
of prayer. I plead for the dying; be merciful to them. I also beg You,
Jesus, to free all souls from purgatory.
Jesus, I commend to You these particular persons: My confessors, persons
recommended to my prayers, a certain person..., Father Andrasz, Father
Czaputa, and the priest I met in Vilnius [Father Sopocko], who is to be my
confessor, a certain soul... a certain priest, a certain religious[70] to whom You know
how much I owe, Jesus, and all the people who have been recommended to my
prayer. Jesus, on this day You can do everything for those for whom I am
pleading. For myself I ask, Lord, transform me completely into Yourself,
maintain in me a holy zeal for Your glory, give me the grace and spiritual
strength to do Your holy will in all things.
Thank You, o my dearest Bridegroom, for the dignity You have conferred on
me, and in particular for the royal coat-of-arms which will adorn me from
this day on and which even the Angels do not possess; namely, the cross,
the sword and the crown of thorns. But above all, O my Jesus, I thank You
for Your Heart-it is all I need.
Mother of God, Most Holy Mary, my Mother, You are my Mother in a special
way now because Your beloved Son is my Bridegroom, and thus we are both
Your children. For Your Son's sake, You have to love me. O Mary, my dearest
Mother, guide my spiritual life in such a way that it will please Your Son.
+Holy and Omnipotent God, at this moment of immense grace by which You are
uniting me with Yourself forever, I, mere nothingness, with the utmost
gratitude, cast myself at Your feet like a tiny, unknown flower and, each
day, the fragrance of that flower of love will ascend to Your throne.
In times of struggle and suffering, of darkness and storm, of yearning and
sorrow, in times of difficult trials, in times when nobody will understand
me, when I will even be condemned and scorned by everyone, I will remember
the day of my perpetual vows, the day of God's incomprehensible grace.
242 +O God, how much I desire to be a small child.[71] You are my Father,
and You know how little and weak I am. So I beg You, keep me close by Your
side all my life and especially at the hour of my death. Jesus, I know that
Your goodness surpasses the goodness of a most tender mother.
244 Now a gray, ordinary day has begun. The solemn hours
of the perpetual vows have passed, but God's great grace has remained in my
soul. I feel I am all God's; I feel I am His child, I feel I am wholly
God's property. I experience this in a way that can be physically sensed. I
am completely at peace about everything, because I know it is the Spouse's
business to look after me. I have forgotten about myself completely. My
trust placed in His Most Merciful Heart has no limit. I am continuously
united with Him. It seems to me as though Jesus could not be happy without
me, nor could I without Him. Although I understand that, being God, He is
happy in himself and has absolutely no need of any creature, still, His
goodness compels Him to give himself to the creature, and with a generosity
which is beyond understanding.
245 My Jesus, I will now strive to give honor and glory to Your Name, doing
battle till the day on which You yourself will say, enough! Every soul You
have entrusted to me, Jesus, I will try to aid with prayer and sacrifice,
so that Your grace can work in them. O great lover of souls, my Jesus, I thank
You for this immense confidence with which You have deigned to place souls
in our care. O you days of work and of monotony, you are not monotonous to
me at all, for each moment brings me new graces and opportunity to do good.
260 I had permission to visit Czestochowa while on my
journey. I saw the Mother of God [image] for the first time, when I went to
attend the unveiling of the image at five in the morning. I prayed without
interruption until eleven, and it seemed to me that I had just come. The superior
of the house there [Mother Serafin[75]] sent a sister for
me, to tell me to come to breakfast and said she was worried that I would
miss my train. The Mother of God told me many things. I entrusted my
perpetual vows to Her. I felt that I was her child and that She was my
Mother. She did not refuse any of my requests.
264 +O my Jesus, keep me near to You! See how weak I am!
I cannot go a step forward by myself; so You, Jesus, must stand by me
constantly like a mother by a helpless child-and even more so.
274 Jesus gave me the grace of knowing myself. In this
divine light I see my principal fault; it is pride which takes the form of
my closing up within myself and of a lack of simplicity in my relations
with Mother Superior [Irene].
The second light concerns speaking. I sometimes talk too much. A thing
could be settled in one or two words, and as for me, I take too much time
about it. But Jesus wants me to use that time to say some short indulgenced
prayers for the souls in purgatory. And the Lord says that every word will
be weighed on the day of judgment.
The third light concerns our rules. I have not sufficiently avoided the
occasions that lead to breaking the rules, especially that of silence. I
will act as if the rule were written just for me; it should not affect me
at all how anyone else might act, as long as I myself act as God wishes.
Resolution. Whatever Jesus demands of me regarding external things, I will
immediately go and tell my superiors. I shall strive for childlike openness
and frankness in my relations with the superior.
275 Jesus loves hidden souls. A hidden flower is the
most fragrant. I must strive to make the interior of my soul a resting
place for the Heart of Jesus. In difficult and painful moments, O my
Creator, I sing You a hymn of trust, for bottomless is the abyss of my
trust in You and in Your mercy!
God, One in the Holy Trinity.
283 I want to love You as no human soul has ever loved You before; and
although I am utterly miserable and small, I have nevertheless cast the
anchor of my trust deep down into the abyss of Your mercy, O my God and
Creator! In spite of my great misery I fear nothing, but hope to sing You a
hymn of glory forever. Let no soul, even the most miserable, fall prey to
doubt; for, as long as one is alive, each one can become a great saint, so
great is the power of God's grace. It remains only for us not to oppose
God's action.
284 O Jesus, if only I could become like mist before
Your eyes, to cover the earth so that You would not see its terrible
crimes. Jesus, when I look at the world and its indifference towards You,
again and again it brings tears to my eyes; but when I look at a cold soul
of a religious, my heart bleeds.
295 +At that moment Jesus asked me, My child, how is
your retreat going? I answered, "But Jesus, You know how it is
going." Yes, I know, but I want to hear it from your own lips and
from your heart. "O my Master, when You are leading me, everything
goes smoothly, and I ask You, Lord, to never leave my side." And Jesus
said, Yes, I will be with you always, if you always remain a little
child and fear nothing. As I was your beginning here, so I will also be
your end. Do not rely on creatures, even in the smallest things, because
this displeases Me. I want to be alone in your soul. I will give light and
strength to your soul, and you will learn from My representative that I am in
you, and your uncertainty will vanish like mist before the rays of the sun.
296 +O Supreme Good, I want to love You as no one on
earth has ever loved You before! I want to adore You with every moment of
my life and unite my will closely to Your holy will. My life is not drab or
monotonous, but it is varied like a garden of fragrant flowers, so that I
don't know which flower to pick first, the lily of suffering or the rose of
love of neighbor or the violet of humility. I will not enumerate these
treasures in which my every day abounds. It is a great thing to know how to
make use of the present moment.
297 +Jesus, Supreme Light, grant me the grace of knowing
myself, and pierce my dark soul with Your light, and fill the abyss of my
soul with Your own self, for You alone [...]
298 O my Jesus, the Life, the Way and the Truth, I beg
You to keep me close to You as a mother holds a baby to her bosom, for I am
not only a helpless child, but an accumulation of misery and nothingness.
306 I asked the Lord to grant me the grace that my
nature be immune and resist the influences that sometimes try to draw me
away from the spirit of our rule and from the minor regulations. These
minor transgressions are like little moths that try to destroy the
spiritual life within us, and they surely will destroy it if the soul is
aware of these minor transgressions and yet disregards them as small
things. I can see nothing that is small in the religious life. Little
matter if I am sometimes the object of vexation and jeers, as long as my
spirit remains in harmony with the spirit of the rules, the vows and the
religious statutes.
O my Jesus, delight of my heart, You know my desires. I should like to hide
from people's sight so as to be like one alive and yet not living. I want to
live pure as a wild flower; I want my love always to be turned to You, just
as a flower that is always turning to the sun. I want the fragrance and the
freshness of the flower of my heart to be always preserved for You alone. I
want to live beneath Your divine gaze, for You alone are enough for me.
When I am with You, Jesus, I fear nothing, for nothing can do me harm.
332
+Thursday. When I started the Holy Hour, I wanted to immerse myself in the
agony of Jesus in the Garden of Olives. Then I heard a voice in my soul:
Meditate on the mystery of the Incarnation. And suddenly the Infant
Jesus appeared before me, radiant with beauty. He told me how much God is
pleased with simplicity in a soul. Although My greatness is beyond
understanding, I commune only with those who are little. I demand of you a
childlike spirit.
333 I
now see clearly how God acts through the confessor and how faithfully He
keeps His promises. Two weeks ago, my confessor told me to reflect upon
this spiritual childhood. It was somewhat difficult at first, but my
confessor, disregarding my difficulties, told me to continue to reflect
upon spiritual childhood. "In practice, this spiritual
childhood," [he said,] "should manifest itself in this way: a
child does not worry about the past or the future, but makes use of the
present moment. I want to emphasize that spiritual childlikeness in you,
Sister, and I place great stress upon it." I can see how God bows down
to my confessor's wishes; He does not show himself to me at this time as a
Teacher in the fullness of His strength and human adulthood, but as a
little Child. The God who is beyond all understanding stoops to me under
the appearance of a little Child.
334
But the eye of my soul does not stop at this appearance. Although You take
the form of a little Child, I see in You the immortal, infinite Lord of
lords, whom pure spirits adore, day and night, and for whom the hearts of
the Seraphim burn with the fire of purest love. O Christ, O Jesus, I want
to surpass them in my love for You! I apologize to you, O pure spirits, for
my boldness in comparing myself to you. I, this chasm of misery, this abyss
of misery; and You, O God, who are the incomprehensible abyss of mercy,
swallow me up as the heat of the sun swallows up a drop of dew! A loving
look from You will fill up any abyss. I feel immensely happy at the
greatness of God. Seeing God's greatness is more than enough to make me
happy throughout all eternity!
335 Once, when I saw Jesus in
the form of a small child, I asked, "Jesus, why do you now take on the
form of a child when You commune with me? In spite of this, I still see in
You the infinite God, my Lord and Creator. Jesus replied that until I
learned simplicity and humility, He would commune with me as a little
child.
497 O Eternal Truth, Word Incarnate, who
most faithfully fulfilled Your Father's will, today I am becoming a martyr
of Your inspirations, since I cannot carry them out because I have no will
of my own, though interiorly I see Your will clearly. I submit in everything
to the will of my superiors and my confessor. I will follow Your will
insofar as You will permit me to do so through Your representative. O my
Jesus, it cannot be helped, but I give priority to the voice of the Church
over the voice with which You speak to me.
567 All the sisters should
respect the superior as the Lord Jesus himself, as I mentioned when
speaking about the vow of obedience. They should behave toward her with
childlike trust, and should never murmur or find fault with her commands,
as this is very displeasing to God. Let each be guided by a spirit of faith
in her relationship to superiors; let her ask with simplicity for all that
she needs. God forbid that it ever happen or be repeated that any of the
sisters would be a cause of sorrow or tears to the superior. Let each one
know that as the fourth commandment obliges a child to honor its parents,
in like manner is the religious bound to respect her superior. Only a bad
religious would take the liberty of judging her superior. Let the sisters be
sincere with the superior, telling her about everything and about their
needs with childlike simplicity.
The sisters will address the superior thus: "With your leave, Sister
Superior." They shall never kiss her hand, but whenever they meet her
in the corridor or enter her cell, they should say, "Praised be Jesus
Christ," bowing their heads slightly.
They shall address each other as "Sister," adding the proper
name. Their relationship toward the superior should be marked by a spirit
of faith and not by sentimentality or flattery, as these are unworthy of a
religious and would degrade her very much. A religious should be as free as
a queen, and will be such only when she lives in the spirit of faith. We
should obey and respect the superior, not because she is good, holy or
prudent, but solely because she represents God, and by obeying her we are
obeying God himself.
921 February 6, [1937]. Today, the Lord said to me,
My daughter, I am told that there is much simplicity in you, so why do you
not tell Me about everything that concerns you, even the smallest details?
Tell Me about everything, and know that this will give Me great joy. I
answered, "But You know about everything, Lord." And Jesus
replied to me, Yes, I do know; but you should not excuse yourself with
the fact that I know, but with childlike simplicity talk to Me about
everything, for My ears and heart are inclined towards you, and your words
are dear to Me.
(Diary of Sister Faustina
Kowalska Notebook-I- 27, 55, 97, 102, 116, 148, 184, 209,
(Diary of Sister Faustina
Kowalska Notebook-I-219-220, 227-230, 240, 242, 244-245)
(Diary of Sister Faustina
Kowalska Notebook-I-260, 264, 274-275, 283-284, 295-298)
(Diary of Sister Faustina
Kowalska Notebook-I-306, 332-335, 497)
(Diary
of Sister Faustina Kowalska Notebook-II-567)
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