Why the Fasting?
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Friday after Ash
Wednesday
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Father Alex Yeung, LC
Matthew 9:14-15
The disciples of
John approached Jesus and said, "Why do we and the Pharisees fast much,
but your disciples do not fast?" Jesus answered them, "Can the
wedding guests mourn as long as the bridegroom is with them? The days will
come when the bridegroom is taken away from them, and then they will
fast."
Introductory Prayer: Lord, You know how much I need you and depend on You for
everything. You know my weakness and my faults. I put all my confidence in Your
love and mercy. I wish to trust in Your power, Your promise, and Your grace
every day. Today I intend, with Your help, to follow You along the way of the
cross with love and generosity so as to draw close to You.
Petition: Lord, let me learn to embrace sacrifice as
the way of reparation and purification.
1. Sharing in
Christ’s Sufferings: Jesus
said the time would come when his disciples would fast. Now that the Lord has
returned in glory to the Father, it is up to us to continue the work of
salvation, “what is lacking in Christ´s afflictions for the sake of his body,
that is, the church” (Colossians 1:24), as St. Paul says. We join our
sacrifice to that of Jesus in order to imitate him and bring grace to
ourselves and to others. Every Christian life must incorporate a healthy
spirit of sacrifice and self-denial.
2. Physical and
Spiritual Hunger: The hunger we
experience when we fast is a symbol of the deeper spiritual hunger we should
feel for God and for heaven. This world often makes us all too comfortable,
and we easily forget that this is not our true home. We are pilgrims
traveling through a foreign land, far from our final resting place. Fasting
reminds us of the longing a traveler has to reach his destination safely and
finally to rejoice in being home for good. The true Christian looks forward
with hope toward heaven, where he will rest with God forever in true
happiness. He knows that all the good things this world offers are only
shadows of the wonderful things God has planned for those who love him (cf.
Romans 8:28).
3. Thirst for Souls:
From the cross,
Jesus said, “I thirst.” That thirst was for all people to be reconciled to
the Father. It was a thirst for souls to return to the love of God and find
their way to the heavenly Kingdom. Voluntary sacrifice and self-denial, if we
offer it for the conversion of the hearts of others, brings them the grace
they need to change and turn back to God. No one can convert himself, and no
one in serious sin can merit his way to the grace of God. We need to
intercede by means of our personal prayer and sacrifice to gain others the
supernatural grace they need to overcome their obstacles. The greatest act of
charity we can perform and the greatest joy we can experience is to bring a
soul back to the Lord. How many souls are waiting for our prayer and
sacrifice?
Conversation with
Christ: Lord, make me generous and joyful in
sacrifice, knowing that sacrifice unites me closer to You and wins the grace
of conversion for so many souls You love and for whom You died.
Resolution: I will choose one person I know who needs
God’s grace and offer all my sacrifices today for them.
Excerpts from the DIARY of Saint Faustina
Kowalska
39 + One day Jesus told me that He would cause
a chastisement to fall upon the most beautiful city in our country [probably
Warsaw]. This chastisement would be that with which God had punished Sodom
and Gomorrah.[27] I saw the great wrath of God and a shudder
pierced my heart. I prayed in silence. After a moment, Jesus said to me, My
child, unite yourself closely to Me during the Sacrifice and offer My
Blood and My Wounds to My Father in expiation for the sins of that
city. Repeat this without interruption throughout the entire Holy
Mass. Do this for seven days. On the seventh day I saw Jesus in a bright
cloud and began to beg Him to look upon the city and upon our whole country.
Jesus looked [down] graciously. When I saw the kindness of' Jesus, I began to
beg His blessing. Immediately Jesus said, For your sake I bless the entire
country. And He made a big sign of the cross over our country. Seeing the
goodness of God, a great joy filled my soul.
Darkness and Temptations
77 My mind became dimmed in a strange way; no truth seemed clear to me. When people spoke to me about God, my heart was like a rock. I could not draw from it a single sentiment of love for Him. When I tried, by an act of the will, to remain close to Him, I experienced great torments, and it seemed to me that I was only provoking God to an even greater anger. It was absolutely impossible for me to meditate as I had been accustomed to do in the past. I felt in my soul a great void, and there was nothing with which I could fill it. I began to suffer from a great hunger and yearning for God, but I saw my utter powerlessness. I tried to read slowly, sentence by sentence, and to meditate in this way, but this also was of no avail. I understood nothing of what I had read. The abyss of my misery was constantly before my eyes. Every time I entered the chapel for some spiritual exercise, I experienced even worse torments and temptations. More than once, all through Holy Mass, I had to struggle against blasphemous thoughts which were forcing themselves to my lips. I felt an aversion for the Holy Sacraments, and it seemed to me that I was not profiting from them in any way. It was only out of obedience to my confessor that I frequented them, and this blind obedience was for me the only path I could follow and my very last hope of survival. The priest explained to me that these were trials sent by God and that, in the situation I was in, not only was I not offending God, but I was most pleasing to Him. "This is a sign," he told me, "that God loves you very much and that He has great confidence in you, since He is sending you such trials." But these words brought me no comfort; it seemed to me that they did not apply to me at all. One thing did surprise me: it often happened that, at the time when I was suffering greatly, these terrible torments would disappear suddenly just as I was approaching the confessional; but as soon as I had left the confessional, all these torments would again seize me with even greater ferocity. I would then fall on my face before the Blessed Sacrament repeating these words: "Even if You kill me, still will I trust in You!" [cf. Job 13:15] It seemed to me that I would die in these agonies. But the most terrible thought for me was the conviction that I had been rejected by God. Then other thoughts came to me: why strive to acquire virtues and do good works? why mortify and annihilate yourself? what good is it to take vows? to pray? to sacrifice and immolate yourself? why sacrifice myself all the time? what good is it - if I am already rejected by God? why all these efforts? And here, God alone knew what was going on in my heart.
93 +A Short Version of the Catechism of the Vows[39]
Q. What is a vow? A. A vow is a voluntary promise made to God, to carry out a more perfect act. Q. Is a vow binding in a matter which is the object of a commandment? A. Yes. The carrying out of an act which is the object of a commandment has a double value and merit; and the neglect of such an act is a double transgression and evil, because by breaking such a vow we add to the sin against the commandment, the sin of sacrilege. Q. Why do religious vows have such value? A. Because they are the foundation of the religious life approved by the Church, in which the members bound together in a religious community undertake to strive always for perfection by means of the three religious vows of poverty, chastity and obedience, observed according to the rules. Q. What is the meaning of the words, "strive for perfection?" A. To strive for perfection means that the religious life does not in itself demand that perfection be already attained, but obliges, under the pain of sin, that we work daily to attain it. Therefore, a religious who does not want to become perfect neglects his principal duty of state. Q. What are "solemn" religious vows? A. " Solemn" religious vows are so absolute that, in extraordinary cases, only the Holy Father can dispense from them. Q. What are simple religious vows? A. These are vows which are less absolute - the Holy See dispenses from perpetual and annual vows. Q. What is the difference between a vow and a virtue? A. A vow pertains only to that which is commanded under pain of sin; the virtue goes beyond this and helps in the carrying out of the vow; on the other hand, by breaking the vow we fail in the virtue and do it damage. Q. To what do the religious vows oblige us? A. The religious vows oblige us to strive to acquire the virtues and to submit ourselves completely to our Superiors and to the Rules which are in force; thus the religious gives his own person to the Community, renouncing every right over himself and his actions, which he sacrifices to the service of God. The Vow of Poverty The vow of poverty is the voluntary renunciation of the right over property or to the use of such property with the purpose of pleasing God. Q. What objects does the vow of poverty concern? A. All those goods and those objects which appertain to the Community. We have no longer any right over anything that has been given to us, once it has been accepted, whether an article or money. All these donations and presents, which may have been given us out of gratitude or in any other way, belong by right to the Community. We cannot make use, without violating the vow, of any wages we may receive for work or even any annuity. Q. When do we break or violate the vow in a matter which entails the seventh commandment? A. We break or violate it when, without permission, we take for ourselves anything that belongs to the house; when, without permission, we retain something in order to appropriate it; and when, without authorization, we sell or exchange something that belongs to the Community. When we make use of an object for some other purpose than that intended by the Superior. When we give to, or accept from another, anything whatsoever without permission. When by negligence we destroy or damage something. When, in going from one house to another, we take something with us without permission. In a situation where the vow is broken, the religious is bound to restitution to the Community. The Virtue of Poverty This is an evangelical virtue which impels the heart to detach itself from temporal things; the religious, in virtue of his profession, is strictly obliged to it. Q. When do we sin against the virtue of poverty? When we desire something, contrary to this virtue. When we become attached to something, and when we make use of superfluous things. How many degrees of poverty are there and what are they? A. There are, in practice, four degrees of poverty for one who is a professed religious: to dispose of nothing without the consent of the Superiors (the strict matter of the vow); to avoid superfluities and be content with necessities (this pertains to the virtue); to readily content oneself with things of inferior quality in what concerns one's cell, clothing, nourishment, etc., and to experience this contentment interiorly; to rejoice in extreme poverty. The Vow of Chastity Q. To what does this vow oblige us? A. To renounce marriage and to avoid everything that is forbidden by the sixth and ninth commandments. Q. Is a fault against the virtue a violation of the vow? A. Every fault against the virtue is at the same time a violation of the vow, because here there is no difference, as in the case of poverty and obedience, between the vow and the virtue. Q. Is every bad thought a sin? A. No, every bad thought is not a sin; it becomes so only when the acquiescence of the will and consent are joined to the consideration of the mind. Q. Is there anything, over and above sins against chastity, which is detrimental to the virtue? A. Lack of custody of the senses, of the imagination, of the feelings; familiarity and sentimental friendships are detrimental to the virtue. Q. What are the means by which this virtue may be preserved? A. To conquer interior temptations with the thought of the presence of God, and moreover to fight without fear. And for exterior temptations, to avoid occasions. There are, in all, seven principal means: to guard the senses, to avoid occasions, to avoid idleness, to remove temptations promptly, to remove oneself from all - and especially particular friendships, the spirit of mortification, and to reveal all these temptations to one's confessor. Besides this, there are also five means of preserving this virtue: humility, the spirit of prayer, modesty of the eyes, fidelity to the rule, a sincere devotion to the Blessed Virgin Mary. The Vow of Obedience The vow of obedience is superior to the first two. It is, to tell the truth, a holocaust, and it is more necessary because it forms and animates the monastic body. Q. To what does the vow of obedience oblige us? A. By the vow of obedience, the religious promises to God to be obedient to his legitimate superiors in everything that they will ordain in virtue of the rule. The vow of obedience makes the religious dependent on his superior in virtue of these rules for his whole life and in all his affairs. A religious commits a grave sin against the vow every time he disobeys an order given in virtue of obedience and of these rules. The Virtue of Obedience The virtue of obedience goes further than the vow; it embraces the rules, the regulations and even the counsels of the superiors. Q. Is the virtue of obedience indispensable for a religious? A. The virtue of obedience is so indispensable to a religious that, even if he were to perform good actions contrary to obedience, these would be evil and without merit. Q. Can we sin gravely against the virtue of obedience? A. We sin gravely when we scorn the authority or the order of the superior, or when spiritual or temporal harm to the community results from our disobedience. Q. What faults endanger the vow? A. To be prejudiced against the superior, or to harbor an antipathy for him - murmuring and criticism, tardiness and negligence. The Degrees of Obedience Prompt and complete fulfillment - the obedience of the will, when the will persuades the intellect to submit to the advice of the superior. To facilitate obedience, Saint Ignatius suggests, moreover, three means: always to see God in our superior, whoever he might be; to justify in itself the order or advice of the superior; to accept each order as an order from God, without examining it or reflecting on it. General means: humility. Nothing is difficult for the humble.
135 During the third probation, the Lord gave me to
understand that I should offer myself to Him so that He could do with me as
He pleased. I was to remain standing before Him as a victim offering. At first,
I was quite frightened, as I felt myself to be so utterly miserable and knew
very well that this was the case. I answered the Lord once again, "I am
misery itself; how can I be a hostage [for others]? You do not understand
this today. Tomorrow, during your adoration, I will make it known to
you. My heart trembled, as did my soul, so deeply did these words sink
into my soul. The word of God is living. When I came to the adoration, I felt
within my soul that I had entered the temple of the living God, whose majesty
is great and incomprehensible. And He made known to me what even the purest
spirits are in His sight. Although I saw nothing externally, God's presence
pervaded me. At that very moment my intellect was strangely illumined. A
vision passed before the eyes of my soul; it was like the vision Jesus had in
the Garden of Olives. First, the physical sufferings and all the
circumstances that would increase them; [then] the full scope of the
spiritual sufferings and those that no one would know about. Everything
entered into the vision: false suspicions, loss of good name. I've summarized
it here, but this knowledge was already so clear that what I went through
later on was in no way different from what I had known at that moment. My
name is to be: "sacrifice." When the vision ended, a cold sweat
bathed my forehead. Jesus made it known to me that, even if I did not give my
consent to this, I could still be saved; and He would not lessen His graces,
but would still continue to have the same intimate relationship with me, so
that even if I did not consent to make this sacrifice, God's generosity would
not lessen thereby.
136 And the Lord gave me to know
that the whole mystery depended on me, on my free consent to the sacrifice
given with full use of my faculties. In this free and conscious act lies the
whole power and value before His Majesty. Even if none of these things for
which I offered myself would ever happen to me, before the Lord everything
was as though it had already been consummated.
At that moment, I realized I was entering into communion with the incomprehensible Majesty. I felt that God was waiting for my word, for my consent. Then my spirit immersed itself in the Lord, and I said, "Do with me as You please. I subject myself to Your will. As of today, Your holy will shall be my nourishment, and I will be faithful to Your commands with the help of Your grace. Do with me as You please. I beg You, O Lord, be with me at every moment of my life."
137 Suddenly, when I had consented to the sacrifice with
all my heart and all my will, God's presence pervaded me. My soul became
immersed in God and was inundated with such happiness that I cannot put in
writing even the smallest part of it. I felt that His Majesty was enveloping
me. I was extraordinarily fused with God. I saw that God was well pleased
with me and, reciprocally, my spirit drowned itself in Him. Aware of this
union with God, I felt I was especially loved and, in turn, I loved with all
my soul. A great mystery took place during that adoration, a mystery between
the Lord and myself. It seemed to me that I would die of love [at the sight
of] His glance. I spoke much with the Lord, without uttering a single word.
And the Lord said to me, You are the delight of My Heart; from today on,
every one of your acts, even the very smallest, will be a delight to
My eyes, whatever you do. At that moment I felt transconsecrated. My
earthly body was the same, but my soul was different; God was now living in
it with the totality of His delight. This is not a feeling, but a conscious
reality that nothing can obscure.
208 O you small, everyday sacrifices, you are to me like
wild flowers which I strew over the feet of my beloved Jesus. I sometimes
compare these trifles to the heroic virtues, and that is because their
enduring nature demands heroism.
367 +On one occasion, Jesus gave
me to know that when I pray for intentions which people are wont to entrust
to me, He is always ready to grant His graces, but souls do not always want
to accept them: My Heart overflows with great mercy for souls, and
especially for poor sinners. If only they could understand that I am the best
of Fathers to them and that it is for them that the Blood and Water flowed
from My Heart as from a fount overflowing with mercy. For them I dwell in the
tabernacle as King of Mercy. I desire to bestow My graces upon souls, but
they do not want to accept them. You, at least, come to Me as often as
possible and take these graces they do not want to accept. In this way you
will console My Heart. Oh, how indifferent are souls to so much goodness, to
so many proofs of love! My Heart drinks only of the ingratitude and
forgetfulness of souls living in the world. They have time for everything,
but they have no time to come to Me for graces.
So I turn to you, you-chosen souls, will you also fail to understand the love of My Heart? Here, too, My Heart finds disappointment; I do not find complete surrender to My love. So many reservations, so much distrust, so much caution. To comfort you, let Me tell you that there are souls living in the world who love Me dearly. I dwell In their hearts with delight. But they are few. In convents too, there are souls that fill My Heart with joy. They bear My features; therefore the Heavenly Father looks upon them with special pleasure. They will be a marvel to Angels and men. Their number is very small. They are a defense for the world before the justice of the Heavenly Father and a means of obtaining mercy for the world. The love and sacrifice of these souls sustain the world in existence. The infidelity of a soul specially chosen by Me wounds My Heart most painfully. Such infidelities are swords which pierce My Heart.
482 O my God, I am conscious of my mission in the Holy
Church. It is my constant endeavor to plead for me mercy for the world. I
unite myself closely with Jesus and stand before Him as an atoning sacrifice
on behalf of the world. God will refuse me nothing when I entreat Him with
the voice of His Son. My sacrifice is nothing in itself, but when I join it
to the sacrifice of Jesus Christ, it becomes all-powerful and has the power
to appease divine wrath. God loves us in His Son; the painful Passion of the
Son of God constantly turns aside the wrath of God.
483 O God, how I desire that souls come to know You and to
see that You have created them because of Your unfathomable love. O my
Creator and Lord, I feel that I am going to remove the veil of heaven so that
earth will not doubt Your goodness.
Make of me, Jesus, a pure and agreeable offering before the Face of Your Father. Jesus, transform me, miserable and sinful as I am, into Your own self (for You can do all things), and give me to Your Eternal Father. I want t become a sacrificial host before You, but an ordinary wafer to people. I want the fragrance of my sacrifice be known to You alone. O Eternal God, an unquenchable fire of supplication for Your mercy burns within me. I know and understand that this is my task here and in eternity. You yourself have told me to speak about this great mercy and about Your goodness.
485 I accept joy or suffering, praise or humiliation with
the same disposition. I remember that one and the other are passing. What
does it matter to me what people say about me? I have long ago given up
everything that concerns my person. My name is host-or sacrifice, not in
words but in deeds, in the emptying of myself and in becoming like You on the
Cross, O good Jesus, my Master!
507 I desire, O my Jesus, to suffer and burn with the
flame of Your love in all the circumstances of my life. I am Yours,
completely Yours, and I wish to disappear in You, O Jesus, I wish to be lost
in Your divine beauty. You pursue me with Your love, O Lord; You penetrate my
soul like a ray of the sun and change its darkness into Your light. I feel
very vividly that I am living in You as one small spark swallowed up by the
incomprehensible fire with which You burn, O inconceivable Trinity! No
greater joy is to be found than that of loving God. Already here on earth we
can taste the happiness of those in heaven by an intimate union with God, a
union that is extraordinary and often quite incomprehensible to us. One can
attain this very grace through simple faithfulness of soul.
509 In the adversities that I experience, I remind myself
that the time for doing battle has not yet come to an end. I arm myself with
patience, and in this way I defeat my assailant.
530 To the Glory of the Holy Trinity.
I asked Mother Superior [Borgia] to permit me to make a forty-day fast, taking once a day a piece of bread and a glass of water. However, following the advice of my confessor [Father Sopocko], Mother Superior did not agree to forty days, but to seven. "I cannot take you away from your duties completely, Sister, because of the other sisters who might notice something. I give you my permission to devote yourself to prayer and to note down some of these things, but it will be very difficult for me to protect you as regards the fasting. Really, I can think of no solution to this," and she said, "Go now, Sister, and perhaps some light will come to me." On Sunday morning, I understood that when Mother Superior assigned me as portress during mealtime, she was doing so with the thought of giving me the opportunity to fast. In the morning, I did not go to breakfast, but, a little while later, I went to Mother Superior and asked her whether I had been assigned as portress in view of making it possible for me to fast unnoticed. Mother replied, "When I assigned you, [106] Sister, it was with this in mind." I then saw that this was the same thought that I had had interiorly.
531 November 24, 1935. Sunday, first day. I went at once
before the Blessed Sacrament and offered myself with Jesus, present in the
Most Holy Sacrament, to the Everlasting Father. Then I heard these words in
my soul: Your purpose and that of your companions is to unite yourselves
with Me as closely as possible; through love You will reconcile earth with
heaven, you will soften the just anger of God, and you will plead for mercy
for the world. I place in your care two pearls very precious to My Heart:
these are the souls of priests and religious. You will pray particularly for
them; their power will come from your diminishment. You will join prayers,
fasts, mortifications, labors and all sufferings to My prayer, fasting,
mortification, labors and sufferings and then they will have power before My
Father.
538 There will be no distinction between the sisters, no
mothers,[107] no reverends, no
venerable, but all will be equal, even though there might be great
differences in their parentage. We know who Jesus was, and yet how He humbled
himself and with whom He associated. Their habit will be like that worn by
Jesus during His Passion, and they will not simply wear the robe [He wore];
they must also seal themselves with the marks He bore: suffering and scorn.
Each one will strive for the greatest self-denial and have a love of
humility, and she who will distinguish herself most in this latter virtue
will be the one who is capable of leading the others.
540 In the evening when I was writing, I heard a voice in
my cell which said, "Do not leave this Congregation; have mercy upon
yourself, such great sufferings are in store for you." When I looked in
the direction of the voice, I saw nothing, and I continued to write. Suddenly
I heard a noise and the words: "When you leave, we will destroy you. Do
not torture us." I glanced around and saw many ugly monsters. So I
mentally made the sign of the Cross and they disappeared immediately. How
terribly ugly Satan is! The poor damned souls that have to keep him company!
Just the sight of him is more disgusting than all the torments of hell.
546 Meals. We will have no meat. Our meals shall be such
that not even the poor will have any reason to envy us. Still, feast days may
differ slightly from regular days. The sisters will eat three times a day. Fasts,
especially the two great ones, will be observed strictly, according to the
original spirit. The food should be the same for all the nuns without
exception so that communal life may be kept pure. This refers not only to
food but to clothing and the furnishing of cells as well. However, if a
sister should fall ill, she should receive every consideration.
571 O my Jesus, Eternal Truth, I fear nothing, neither
hardships nor sufferings; I fear only one thing, and that is to offend You.
My Jesus, I would rather not exist than make You sad. Jesus, You know that my
love knows no one but You. My soul is absorbed in You.
572 Oh, how great should be the ardor of every soul who
will live in that convent, since God desires to come and live with us! Let
everyone remember that if we religious do not intercede before God, who will?
Each of us should burn like a pure sacrifice before the majesty of God, but
to be pleasing to God, each one should unite herself closely to Jesus. It is
only with Him, in Him and through Him that we can be pleasing to God.
573 December 21, 1935. One day my confessor [Father
Sopocko] told me to go and look at a certain house to see whether it was the
same house I had seen in my vision. When I went with my confessor to see that
house, or rather those ruins, at a glance I recognized that they were the
same as I had seen in my vision. The moment I touched the boards which had
been nailed together in place of the doors, a strength pervaded my soul like
a flash, giving me unshakable certitude. I went away quickly from that place,
my heart full of joy, for it seemed to me that there was a certain force
chaining me to that place.
I am very happy to see that everything agrees perfectly with what I saw in the vision. When the confessor spoke to me about the arrangement of the cells and other things, I recognized everything to be the same as had been told to me by Jesus. I am delighted that God is acting in this way through my confessor, but I am not surprised that God is giving him so much light; since God, who is Light itself, lives in a pure and humble heart, and all sufferings and adversities serve but to reveal the soul's holiness. When I returned home, I went immediately to our chapel to rest a while. Then suddenly I heard these words in my soul: Do not fear anything. I am with you. These matters are in My hands and I will bring them to fruition according to My mercy, for nothing can oppose My will.
575 Midnight Mass. During Holy Mass, I again saw the
little Infant Jesus, extremely beautiful, joyfully stretching out His little
arms to me. After Holy Communion, I heard the words: I am always in your
heart; not only when you receive Me in Holy Communion, but always. I
spent these holydays in great joy.
576 O Holy Trinity, Eternal God, my spirit is drowned in
Your beauty. The ages are as nothing in Your sight. You are always the same.
Oh, how great is Your majesty. Jesus, why do You conceal Your majesty, why
have You left Your heavenly throne and dwelt among us? The Lord answered me, My
daughter, love has brought Me here, and love keeps Me here. My daughter, if
you knew what great merit and reward is earned by one act of pure love for
Me, you would die of joy. I am saying this that you may constantly unite
yourself with Me through love, for this is the goal of the life of your soul.
This act is an act of the will. Know that a pure soul is humble. When you
lower and empty yourself before My majesty, I then pursue you with My graces
and make use of My omnipotence to exalt you.
593 O my Jesus, nothing is better for the soul than
humiliations. In contempt is the secret of happiness, when the soul
recognizes that, of itself, it is only wretchedness and nothingness, and that
whatever it possesses of good is a gift of God. When the soul sees that everything
is given it freely and that the only thing it has of itself is its own
misery, this is what sustains it in a continual act of humble prostration
before the majesty of God. And God, seeing the soul in such a disposition,
pursues it with His graces. As the soul continues to immerse itself more
deeply into the abyss of its nothingness and need, God uses His omnipotence
to exalt it. If there is a truly happy soul upon earth, it can only be a
truly humble soul. At first, one's self-love suffers greatly on this account,
but after a soul has struggled courageously, God grants it much light by
which it sees how wretched and full of deception everything is. God alone is
in its heart. A humble soul does not trust itself, but places all its
confidence in God. God defends the humble soul and lets Himself into its
secrets, and the soul abides in unsurpassable happiness which no one can
comprehend.
605 O Holy Trinity, Eternal God, I thank You for allowing
me to know the greatness and the various degrees of glory to which souls
attain. Oh, what a great difference of depth in the knowledge of God there is
between one degree and another! Oh, if people could only know this! O my God,
if I were thereby able to attain one more degree, I would gladly suffer all
the torments of the martyrs put together. Truly, all those torments seem as
nothing to me compared with the glory that is awaiting us for all eternity. O
Lord, immerse my soul in the ocean of Your divinity and grant me the grace of
knowing You; for the better I know You, the more I desire You, and the more
my love for You grows. I feel in my soul an unfathomable abyss which only God
can fill. I lose myself in Him as a drop does in the ocean. The Lord has
inclined himself to my misery like a ray of the sun upon a barren and rocky
desert. And yet, under the influence of His rays, my soul has become covered
with verdure, flowers, and fruit, and has become a beautiful garden for His
repose.
606 My Jesus, despite Your graces, I see and feel all my
misery. I begin my day with battle and end it with battle. As soon as I
conquer one obstacle, ten more appear to take its place. But I am not
worried, because I know that this is the time of struggle, not peace. When
the burden of the battle becomes too much for me, I throw myself like a child
into the arms of the heavenly Father and trust I will not perish. O my Jesus,
how prone I am to evil, and this forces me to be constantly vigilant. But I
do not lose heart. I trust God's grace, which abounds in the worst misery.
607 In the midst of the worst difficulties and
adversities, I do not lose inner peace or exterior balance, and this
discourages my adversaries. Patience in adversity gives power to the soul.
611 O my Jesus, I implore You by the goodness of Your most
sweet Heart, let Your anger diminish and show us Your mercy. May Your wounds
be our shield against Your Father's justice. I have come to know You, O God,
as the source of mercy that vivifies and nourishes every soul. Oh, how great
is the mercy of the Lord; it surpasses all His other qualities! Mercy is the
greatest attribute of God; everything that surrounds me speaks to me of this.
Mercy is the life of souls; His compassion is inexhaustible. O Lord, look on
us and deal with us according to Your countless mercies, according to Your
great mercy.
615 March 1, 1936. Today during Holy Mass I experienced a
strange force and urge to start realizing God's wishes. I had such a clear
understanding of the things the Lord was asking of me that truly if I were to
say that I do not understand what God is demanding from me, I would be lying,
because the Lord is making His will known to me so clearly and distinctly
that I do not have the least shadow of a doubt about them. I realized that it
would be the greatest ingratitude to delay any longer this undertaking which
the Lord wishes to bring to fulfillment for His glory and the benefit of a
great number of souls. And He is using me as a miserable tool through which
to realize His eternal plans of mercy. Truly, how ungrateful my soul would be
to resist God's will any longer. Nothing will stop me any longer, be it
persecution, sufferings, sneers, threats, entreaties, hunger, cold, flattery,
friendships, adversities, friends or enemies; be it things I am experiencing
now or things that will come in the future or even the hatred of hell-nothing
will deter me from doing the will of God.
I am not counting on my own strength, but on His omnipotence for, as he gave me the grace of knowing His holy will, He will also grant me the grace of fulfilling it. I cannot fail to mention how much my own lower nature resists this thing, manifesting its own desires, and there results within my soul a great struggle, like that of Jesus in the Garden of Olives. And so I too cry out to God, the Eternal Father, "If it is possible, take this cup from me, but, nevertheless, not my will, but Yours be done, O Lord; may Your will be done." What I am about to go through is no secret to me, but with full knowledge I accept whatever You send me, O Lord. I trust in You, O merciful God, and I wish to be the first to manifest to You that confidence which You demand of souls. O Eternal Truth, help me and enlighten me along the roadways of life, and grant that Your will be accomplished in me. My God, I desire nothing but the fulfillment of Your will. It does not matter whether it will be easy or difficult. I feel an extraordinary force driving me to action. One thing alone holds me back, and that is holy obedience. O my Jesus, You urge me on the one hand and hold me back and restrain me on the other. In this, too, O my Jesus, may Your holy will be done. I continued in this state, without a break, for many days. My physical strength declined, and though I did not speak to anyone about it, nevertheless Mother Superior [Borgia] noticed my pain and remarked that I had changed in appearance and was very pale. She told me to go to bed earlier and to sleep longer, and she had a cup of hot milk brought to me in the evening. She had a motherly heart, full of care, and tried to help me. But in the case of spiritual sufferings, external things have no influence, and they do not bring much relief. It was from the confessional that I drew my strength and the consolation of knowing that it would not be long before I could begin to act.
633 I am greatly surprised at how one can be so jealous.
When I see someone else's good, I rejoice at it as if it were mine. The joy
of others is my joy, and the suffering of others is my suffering, for
otherwise I would not dare to commune with the Lord Jesus. The spirit of
Jesus is always simple, meek, sincere; all malice, envy, and unkindness
disguised under a smile of good will are clever little devils. A severe word
flowing from sincere love does not wound the heart.
638 Jesus, drive away from me the thoughts that are not in
accord with Your will. I know that nothing now binds me to this earth but
this work of mercy.
639 Thursday. During the evening adoration, I saw Jesus
scourged and tortured. He said to me, My daughter, I desire that even in
the smallest things, you rely on your confessor. Your greatest sacrifices do
not please Me if you practice them without the confessor's permission; on the
other hand, the smallest sacrifice finds great value in My eyes, if it is
done with his permission. The greatest works are worthless in My eyes if they
are done out of self-will, and often they are not in accord with My will and
merit punishment rather than reward. And on the other hand, even the smallest
of your acts, done with the confessor's permission is pleasing in My eyes and
very dear to Me. Hold firmly to this always. Be constantly on the watch, for
many souls will turn back from the gates of hell and worship My mercy. But
fear nothing, as I am with you. Know that of yourself you can do nothing.
642 Palm Sunday. This Sunday, I experienced in a special
way the sentiments of the most sweet Heart of Jesus. My spirit was there
where Jesus was. I saw Jesus riding on a donkey's foal, and the disciples and
a great multitude with branches in their hands joyfully accompanying the Lord
Jesus. Some strewed them before His feet where He was riding, while others
raised their branches in the air, leaping and jumping before the Lord and not
knowing what to do for joy. And I saw another crowd which came out to meet
Jesus, likewise with joyful faces and with branches in their hands, and they
were crying out unceasingly with joy. There were little children there also.
But Jesus was very grave, and the Lord gave me to know how much He was
suffering at the time. And at that moment, I saw nothing but only Jesus,
whose Heart was saturated with ingratitude.
644 When I left the confessional,
a multitude of thoughts oppressed my soul. Why be sincere? What I have told
is no sin, so I have no duty to tell it to the confessor. And again, what a
relief that I do not have to heed my interior any more as long as things are
all right on the outside. I do not have to pay attention to anything or to
follow the inner voices that have often cost me so much humiliation. From now
on, I will be free. And again, a strange pain seized my soul: can I not,
then, commune with the One whom I desire so greatly? The One who is the whole
strength of my soul? I began to cry out, "To whom shall I go, O
Jesus?" But from the moment of the confessor's prohibition, great
darkness fell upon my soul. I feared lest I hear some inner voice, which
would occasion the breaking of my confessor's prohibition. And then again, I
die of longing for God. My interior is torn asunder, not having any will of
its own, since it has been turned over completely to God.
That was on Wednesday of Holy Week. The suffering intensified on Holy Thursday. When I came to make my meditation, I entered into a kind of agony. I did not feel the presence of God, but all the justice of God weighed heavily upon me. I saw myself as if knocked down for the sins of the world. Satan began to mock me, "See, now you will no longer strive to win souls; look how you've been paid! Nobody will believe you that Jesus demands this. See how much you are suffering now, and how much more you are going to suffer! After all, the confessor has now released you from all these things." Now I can live as I like, as long as things are all right outwardly. These dreadful thoughts tormented me throughout the whole hour. When it was almost time for Holy Mass, my heart was seized with pain; am I, then, to leave the Congregation? And since Father has told me that this is a kind of heresy, am I to fall away from the Church? I cried out to the Lord with a sorrowful interior cry, "Jesus, save me!" Still, not a single ray of light entered my soul, and I felt my strength failing, as if the body were separating itself from the soul. I submitted to the will of God and repeated, "O God, let whatever You have decided upon happen to me. Nothing in me is any longer my own." Then, suddenly, God's presence enveloped me and penetrated me through and through. This was just as I was receiving Holy Communion. A moment after Holy Communion, I lost all awareness of everything around me and of my whereabouts.
645 Then I saw the Lord Jesus, as
He is represented in the image, and He said to me, Tell the confessor that
this work is Mine and that I am using you as a lowly instrument. And I
said, "Jesus, I can no longer do anything You command me to do, because
my confessor has told me that all this is an illusion, and that I am not
allowed to obey any of Your commands. I will do nothing that You will tell me
to do now. I am sorry, my Lord, but I am not allowed to do anything, and I
must obey my confessor. Jesus, I most earnestly ask Your pardon. You know how
much I suffer because of this, but it can't be helped, Jesus. The confessor
has forbidden me to follow Your orders." Jesus listened to my arguments
and complaints with kindness and satisfaction. I thought the Lord Jesus would
be grievously offended but, on the contrary, He was pleased and said to me
kindly, Always tell your confessor about everything I say to you and
command you to do, and do only that for which you obtain permission. Do not be
upset, and fear nothing; I am with you. My soul was filled with joy, and
all those oppressive thoughts vanished. Certitude and courage entered my
soul.
646 But after a short while, I
entered into the sufferings which Jesus underwent in the Garden of Olives.
This lasted until Friday morning. On Friday, I experienced the Passion of
Jesus but, this time, in a different way. On that day, Father Bukowski came
from Derdy. Some strange power pushed me to go to confession and tell him
about everything that had happened to me and about what Jesus had said to me.
When I told Father, he was quite different and he said to me, "Sister,
don't be afraid of anything; you will come to no harm, for the ' Lord Jesus
will not allow it. If you are obedient and persevere in this disposition, you
need not worry about anything. God will find a way to bring about His work.
You should always have this simplicity and sincerity and tell everything to
Mother General. What I said to ; you was said as a warning, because illusions
may afflict even holy persons, and Satan's insinuations may play a part in
this, and sometimes this comes from our own selves, so one has to be careful.
And so continue as you have thus far. You can see, Sister, that the Lord is
not angered by this. And Sister, you can repeat these things that have
happened to you at present to your regular confessor [Father Sopocko]."
648 Good Friday. At three o'clock,
I saw the Lord Jesus, crucified, who looked at me and said, I thirst.
Then I saw two rays issue from His side, just as they appear in the image. I
then felt in my soul the desire to save souls and to empty myself for the
sake of poor sinners. I offered myself, together with the dying Jesus, to the
Eternal Father, for the salvation of the whole world. With Jesus, through
Jesus and in Jesus is my communion with You, Eternal Father. On Good Friday,
Jesus suffered in His soul in a way which was different from [His suffering
on] Holy Thursday.
650 O my Jesus, my Master and Director, strengthen and
enlighten me in these difficult moments of my life. I expect no help from
people; all my hope is in You. I feel alone in the face of Your demands, O
Lord. Despite the fears and qualms of my nature, I am fulfilling Your holy
will and desire to fulfill it as faithfully as possible throughout my life
and in my death. Jesus, with You I can do all things. Do with me as You
please; only give me Your merciful Heart and that is enough for me.
O Jesus my Lord, help me. Let what You have planned before all ages happen to me. I am ready at each beckoning of Your holy will. Enlighten my mind that I may know Your will. O God, You who pervade my soul, You know that I desire nothing but Your glory. O Divine Will, You are the delight of my heart, the food of my soul, the light of my intellect, the omnipotent strength of my will; for when I unite myself with Your will, O Lord, Your power works through me and takes the place of my feeble will. Each day, I seek to carry out God's wishes.
931 February 10, [1937]. Today is Ash Wednesday.
During Holy Mass, I felt for a short time the Passion of
Jesus in my members. Lent is a very special time for the work of priests. We
should assist them in rescuing souls.
934 Small practices for Lent. Although I wish and desire
to do so, I cannot practice big
mortifications as before, because I am under the strict
surveillance of the doctor. But I can practice little things: first-sleep
without a pillow; keep myself a little hungry; every day, with my arms
outstretched, say the chaplet which the Lord taught me; occasionally, with
arms outstretched, for an indefinite period of time pray informally.
Intention: to beg divine mercy for poor sinners, and for priests, the power
to bring sinful hearts to repentance.
977 During the singing of the Lenten Lamentations, I am so taken up with His Passion that I cannot withhold my tears. I would like to hide somewhere in order to give myself freely to the sorrow which flows from the consideration of His Passion.
1023 + Today, I received some oranges. When the sister had
left, I thought to myself, "Should I eat the oranges instead of doing
penance and mortifying myself during Holy Lent? After all, I am feeling a bit
better." Then I heard a voice in my soul: My daughter, you please Me
more by eating the oranges out of obedience and love of Me than by fasting
and mortifying yourself of your own will. A soul that loves Me very
much must, ought to live by My will. I know your heart, and I know
that it will not be satisfied by anything but My love alone.
1622 Throughout this Lent, I am a host in Your hand,
Jesus. Make use of me so that You may enter into sinners Yourself. Demand
anything You like; no sacrifice will seem too much for me when souls are at
stake.
(Diary
of Sister Faustina Kowalska Notebook-I-39, 77, 93, 135-137, 208 367)
(Diary
of Sister Faustina Kowalska Notebook-I-482-483, 485, 507, 509)
(Diary
of Sister Faustina Kowalska Notebook-II-530-531, 538, 540, 546, 571-573, 575)
(Diary
of Sister Faustina Kowalska Notebook-II-576, 593, 605-607, 611, 615, 633,
638)
(Diary
of Sister Faustina Kowalska Notebook-II-639-642, 644-646, 648, 650, 931, 934)
(Diary of Sister Faustina Kowalska Notebook-II-977) (Diary of Sister Faustina Kowalska Notebook-III-1023)
(Diary
of Sister Faustina Kowalska Notebook-VI-1622)
http://www.saint-faustina.com/Diary/DMIMS10.shtml
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