Choosing Between Two Goods
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Thirteenth Sunday in
Ordinary Time
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Father Matthew Kaderabek, LC
Luke 9: 51-62
When the days for
his being taken up were fulfilled, he resolutely determined to journey to
Jerusalem, and he sent messengers ahead of him. On the way they entered a
Samaritan village to prepare for his reception there, but they would not
welcome him because the destination of his journey was Jerusalem. When the
disciples James and John saw this they asked, "Lord, do you want us to
call down fire from heaven to consume them?" Jesus turned and rebuked
them, and they journeyed to another village. As they were proceeding on their
journey someone said to him, "I will follow you wherever you go."
Jesus answered him, "Foxes have dens and birds of the sky have nests,
but the Son of Man has nowhere to rest his head." And to another he
said, "Follow me." But he replied, "(Lord,) let me go first
and bury my father." But he answered him, "Let the dead bury their
dead. But you, go and proclaim the kingdom of God." And another said,
"I will follow you, Lord, but first let me say farewell to my family at
home." (To him) Jesus said, "No one who sets a hand to the plow and
looks to what was left behind is fit for the kingdom of God."
Introductory Prayer:
Lord, I wish to put
aside all distractions and to give You my total focus. I will do nothing more
important today than to meditate prayerfully on Your goodness and Your active
role in my life. Though I am unworthy to be in Your presence, I trust in Your
mercy and love. Through this moment of prayer I want to draw closer to You
and learn to live more like You.
Petition: Lord, may the enticements of the world pale
in comparison with you.
1. Only One Thing Is
Necessary: Temptation is a
choice between good and evil. But sometimes what is harder than making the
choice between these two opposites is choosing between two goods. Such is the
situation in which the would-be disciples in today’s Gospel passage find
themselves. In such cases, we could say that a good occasionally becomes the
enemy of what is best. Sometimes we need to say no to a good option in order
to embrace the one thing necessary. In today’s Gospel, as well as in
tomorrow’s, we encounter people who might have become Christ’s close
followers, who might have even been chosen to be one of his Apostles, but who
were held back by other concerns or motives. Is my own heart open to Christ
and his ways or do I lack detachment in some area of my life?
2. Patriotism Must
Come Second: The first incident
is the encounter between the messengers of Jesus and the Samaritan villagers.
It is likely that the Samaritan villagers had heard of Jesus the miracle
worker and were anxious to see a sign or to hear him preach. But the concern
that holds them back and keeps them from following Jesus is their patriotism.
The Samaritans and the Jews had been bitter enemies for centuries and
systematically avoided all unnecessary contact with each another. When they
learned that Jesus and his disciples were Jews and were headed for Jerusalem,
their interest became opposition. We would have to agree that patriotism and
devotion to the national cause are both good things in themselves. But when
nationalism or ethnic sentiments become the eyes through which one sees all
reality, including spiritual and eternal reality, one is in danger of losing
the proper perspective.
3. Once You Have Set
Your Course, Don’t Look Back: Let us consider the man who wants to follow Jesus, but wants
to go and say farewell to his family first. We cannot help but feel that we
would have done the exact same thing as this would-be disciple. Didn’t our
parents teach us when we were young to inform them about when we were leaving
the house and when we would be back, and where we were going, and with whom?
This man has high social and family values. One could only hope that all men
could be this sensitive to let their families know their whereabouts at all
times. Yet, before the urgent call of the Kingdom of God, social and family
concerns take a back seat. “No one who puts a hand to the plow and looks back
is fit for the kingdom of God” (Luke 9:62).
Conversation with
Christ: Lord, I am
distracted by so many things in life. Even though many of them are
legitimate, I must learn to keep my eyes focused on You and trust in You.
Half-way surrenders do not interest You. You want all of my heart. Help me to
give it to You willingly and joyfully.
Resolution: I will recommit to living wholeheartedly for
God today, even though certain members of my family are likely to call me a
“fanatic” or tell me that I’m “getting carried away.”
Darkness and Temptations
77 My mind became dimmed in a strange way; no truth seemed clear to me. When people spoke to me about God, my heart was like a rock. I could not draw from it a single sentiment of love for Him. When I tried, by an act of the will, to remain close to Him, I experienced great torments, and it seemed to me that I was only provoking God to an even greater anger. It was absolutely impossible for me to meditate as I had been accustomed to do in the past. I felt in my soul a great void, and there was nothing with which I could fill it. I began to suffer from a great hunger and yearning for God, but I saw my utter powerlessness. I tried to read slowly, sentence by sentence, and to meditate in this way, but this also was of no avail. I understood nothing of what I had read. The abyss of my misery was constantly before my eyes. Every time I entered the chapel for some spiritual exercise, I experienced even worse torments and temptations. More than once, all through Holy Mass, I had to struggle against blasphemous thoughts which were forcing themselves to my lips. I felt an aversion for the Holy Sacraments, and it seemed to me that I was not profiting from them in any way. It was only out of obedience to my confessor that I frequented them, and this blind obedience was for me the only path I could follow and my very last hope of survival. The priest explained to me that these were trials sent by God and that, in the situation I was in, not only was I not offending God, but I was most pleasing to Him. "This is a sign," he told me, "that God loves you very much and that He has great confidence in you, since He is sending you such trials." But these words brought me no comfort; it seemed to me that they did not apply to me at all. One thing did surprise me: it often happened that, at the time when I was suffering greatly, these terrible torments would disappear suddenly just as I was approaching the confessional; but as soon as I had left the confessional, all these torments would again seize me with even greater ferocity. I would then fall on my face before the Blessed Sacrament repeating these words: "Even if You kill me, still will I trust in You!" [cf. Job 13:15] It seemed to me that I would die in these agonies. But the most terrible thought for me was the conviction that I had been rejected by God. Then other thoughts came to me: why strive to acquire virtues and do good works? why mortify and annihilate yourself? what good is it to take vows? to pray? to sacrifice and immolate yourself? why sacrifice myself all the time? what good is it - if I am already rejected by God? why all these efforts? And here, God alone knew what was going on in my heart.
93 The Virtue of Poverty
This is an evangelical virtue which impels
the heart to detach itself from temporal things; the religious, in virtue of
his profession, is strictly obliged to it.
96 +Trials sent by God to a soul which is particularly
loved by Him.
Temptations and darkness; Satan. The soul's love [for God] is still not such as God would have it. The soul suddenly loses the tangible perception of God's presence. Various defects and imperfections rise up within it, and it must fight them furiously. All her faults lift up their heads, but the soul's vigilance is great. The former awareness of the presence of God gives place to coldness and spiritual dryness; the soul has no taste for spiritual exercises; it cannot pray, either in the old way, or in the manner in which it had just begun to pray. It struggles this way and that, but can find no satisfaction. God has hidden himself from it, and it can find no consolation in creatures, nor can any of these creatures find a way of consoling it. The soul craves passionately for God, but sees its own misery; it begins to sense God's justice; it seems to it that it has lost all the gifts that God had given it; its mind is dimmed, and darkness fills it; unspeakable torment begins. The soul tries to explain its state to the confessor, but it is not understood and is assailed by an even greater unrest. Satan begins his work.
97 Faith
staggers under the impact; the struggle is fierce. The soul tries hard to
cling to God by an act of will. With God's permission, Satan goes even
further: hope and love are put to the test. These temptations are terrible.
God supports the soul in secret, so to speak. The soul is not aware of this,
but otherwise it would be impossible to stand firm; and God knows very well
how much He can allow to befall a soul. The soul is tempted to unbelief in
respect to revealed truths and to insincerity toward the confessor. Satan
says to it, "Look, no one understands you; why speak about all
this?" Words that terrify it sound in its ears, and it seems to the soul
that it is uttering these against God. It sees what it does not want to see.
It hears what it does not want to hear. And, oh, it is a terrible thing at
times like these not to have an experienced confessor! The soul carries the
whole burden alone. However, one should make every effort to find, if it is
at all possible, a well-informed confessor, for the soul can collapse under
the burden and come to the very edge of the precipice. All these trials are
heavy and difficult. God does not send them to a soul which has not already
been admitted to a deeper intimacy with Him and which has not yet tasted the
divine delights. Besides, in this God has His own plans, which for us are
impenetrable. God often prepares a soul in this way for His future designs
and great works. He wants to try it as pure gold is tried. But this is not
yet the end of the testing; there is still the trial of trials, the complete
abandonment of the soul by God.
+ The Trial of
Trials, Complete Abandonment - Despair
98 When the soul comes out victorious from the preceding trials, even though it may stumble here and there, it fights on valiantly, humbly calling upon God, "Save me, I am perishing!" And it is still able to fight on. At this point, however, the soul is engulfed in a horrible night. It sees within itself only sin. It feels terrible. It sees itself completely abandoned by God. It feels itself to be the object of His hatred. It is but one step away from despair. The soul does its best to defend itself; it tries to stir up its confidence; but prayer is an even greater torment for it, as this prayer seems to arouse God to an even greater anger. The soul finds itself poised on the summit of a lofty mountain on the very brink of a precipice. The soul is drawn to God, but feels repulsed. All other sufferings and tortures in the world are as nothing compared with this sensation into which it has been plunged; namely, that of being rejected by God. No one can bring it any relief; it finds itself completely alone; there is no one to defend it. It raises its eyes to heaven, but is convinced that this is not for her-for her all is lost. It falls deeper and deeper from darkness to darkness, and it seems to it that it has lost forever the God it used to love so dearly. This thought is torture beyond all description. But the soul does not agree to it and tries to lift its gaze toward heaven, but in vain! And this makes the torture even more intense. If God wishes to keep the soul in such darkness, no one will be able to give it light. It experiences rejection by God in a vivid and terrifying manner. From its heart burst forth painful moans, so painful that no priest will comprehend it, unless he himself has been through these trials. In the midst of this, the evil spirit adds to the soul's suffering, mocking it: "Will you persist in your faithfulness? This is your reward; you are in our power!" But Satan has only as much influence over the soul as God allows him, and God knows how much we can bear. "What have you gotten out of your mortifications," says Satan, "and out of your fidelity to the rule? What use are all these efforts? You have been rejected by God!" This word, rejected, becomes a fire which penetrates every nerve to the marrow of the bone. It pierces right through her entire being. The ordeal reaches its climax. The soul no longer looks for help anywhere. It shrinks into itself and loses sight of everything; it is as though it has accepted the torture of being abandoned. This is a moment for which I have no words. This is the agony of the soul.
101 Jesus, You
alone know how the soul, engulfed in darkness, moans in the midst of these
torments and, despite all this, thirsts for God as burning lips thirst for
water. It dies and withers; it dies a death without death; that is to say, it
cannot die. All its efforts come to nothing; it is under a powerful hand. Now
the soul comes under the power of the Just One. All exterior temptations
cease; all that surrounds it becomes silent, like a dying person who loses
contact with everything around it: the person's entire soul is in the hand of
the Just God, the Thrice-Holy God,-rejected for all eternity! This is the
culminating moment, and God alone can test a soul in this way, because He
alone knows what the soul can endure.
When the soul has been saturated through and through by this infernal fire, it is, as it were, cast headlong into great despair. My soul experienced this moment when I was all alone in my cell. When my soul began to sink into this despair, I felt that the end was near. But I seized my little crucifix and clutched it tightly in my hand. And now I felt my body separate itself from my soul; and though I wanted to go to my Superiors, I no longer had the physical strength. I uttered my last words: "I trust in Your Mercy!"-and it seemed to me that I provoked God to an even greater anger. And now I was drowned in despair, and all that was left me was a moan of unadulterated pain which, from time to time, tore itself from my soul. The soul is in agony-and it seemed to me that I would remain in this state, because by my own strength I could not emerge from it. Every recollection of God opened up an unspeakable ocean of suffering, and yet despite this there is something within the soul which is drawn to Him, though it seems to her for this only-that she suffer more. The memory of the love with which God formerly surrounded it is still another kind of suffering. His gaze pierces it, and everything within the soul is burned by this gaze.
116 My Jesus, You know what my soul goes
through at the recollection of these sufferings. I have often marvelled that
the angels and saints hold their peace at the sight of a soul suffering like
that. Yet they have special love for us at such moments. My soul has often
cried out after God, as a little child who cries as loudly as he can when his
mother covers her face and he cannot recognize her. O my Jesus, honor and
glory to You for these trials of love! Great and incomprehensible is your
mercy. All that You intended for my soul, O Lord, is steeped in Your mercy.
118 The tongue is a small member, but it
does big things. A religious who does not keep silence will never attain
holiness; that is, she will never become a saint. Let her not delude
herself-unless it is the Spirit of God who is speaking through her, for then
she must not keep silent. But, in order to hear the voice of God, one has to
have silence in one's soul and to keep silence; not a gloomy silence, but an
interior silence; that is to say, recollection in God. One can speak a great
deal without breaking silence and, on the contrary, one can speak little and
be constantly breaking silence. Oh, what irreparable damage is done by the
breach of silence! We cause a lot of harm to our neighbor, but even more to
our own selves.
In my opinion, and according to my
experience, the rule concerning silence should stand in the very first place.
God does not give himself to a chattering soul which, like a drone in a
beehive, buzzes around but gathers no honey. A talkative soul is empty
inside. It lacks both the essential virtues and intimacy with God. A deeper
interior life, one of gentle peace and of that silence where the Lord dwells,
is quite out of the question. A soul that has never tasted the sweetness of
inner silence is a restless spirit which disturbs the silence of others. I
have seen many souls in the depths of hell for not having kept their silence;
they told me so themselves when I asked them what was the cause of their
undoing. These were souls of religious. My God, what an agony it is to think
that not only might they have been in heaven, but they might even have become
saints! O Jesus, have mercy!
147 I recall
that I have received most light during adoration which I made lying prostrate
before the Blessed Sacrament for half an hour every day throughout Lent.
During that time I came to know myself and God more profoundly. And yet, even
though I had the superiors' permission to do so, I encountered many obstacles
to praying in such a way. Let the soul be aware that, in order to pray and
persevere in prayer, one must arm oneself with patience and cope bravely with
exterior and interior difficulties. The interior difficulties are
discouragement, dryness, heaviness of spirit and temptations. The exterior
difficulties are human respect and time; one must observe the time set apart
for prayer. This has been my personal experience because, when I did not pray
at the time assigned for prayer, later on I could not do it because of my
duties; or if I did manage to do so, this was only with great difficulty,
because my thoughts kept wandering off to my duties. I also experienced this
difficulty: when a soul has prayed well and left prayer in a state of
profound interior recollection, others resist its recollection; and so, the
soul must be patient to persevere in prayer. It often happened to me that
when my soul was more deeply immersed in God, and I had derived greater fruit
from prayer, and God's presence accompanied me during the day, and at work
there was more recollection and greater precision and effort at my duty, this
was precisely when I received the most rebukes for being negligent in my duty
and indifferent to everything; because less recollected souls want others to
be like them, for they are a constant [source of] remorse to them.
151 +Once, when I was in the kitchen with Sister N.,[47] she got a little upset with me and, as a
punishment, ordered me to sit on the table while she herself continued to
work hard, cleaning and scrubbing. And while I was sitting there, the sisters
came along and were astounded to find me sitting on the table, and each one
had her say. One said that I was a loafer and another, "What an
eccentric!" I was a postulant at the time. Others said, "What kind
of a sister will she make?" Still, I could not get down because sister
had ordered me to sit there by virtue of obedience[48] until she told me to get down. Truly, God
alone knows how many acts of self-denial it took. I thought I'd die of shame.
God often allowed such things for the sake of my inner formation, but He
compensated me for this humiliation by a great consolation. During
Benediction I saw Him in great beauty. Jesus looked at me kindly and said, My
daughter, do not be afraid of sufferings; I am with you.
163 JMJ The Year 1937
General Exercises
+O Most Holy Trinity! As many times as I
breathe, as many times as my heart beats, as many times as my blood pulsates
through my body, so many thousand times do I want to glorify Your mercy.
+I want to be completely transformed into
Your mercy and to be Your living reflection, O Lord. May the greatest of all
divine attributes, that of Your unfathomable mercy, pass through my heart and
soul to my neighbor.
Help me, O Lord, that my eyes may be
merciful, so that I may never suspect or judge from appearances, but look for
what is beautiful in my neighbors' souls and come to their rescue.
Help me, that my ears may be merciful, so
that I may give heed to my neighbors' needs and not be indifferent to their
pains and moaning. Help me, O Lord, that my tongue may be merciful, so that I
should never speak negatively of my neighbor, but have a word of comfort and
forgiveness for all.
Help me, O Lord, that my hands may be
merciful and filled with good deeds, so that I may do only good to my
neighbors and take upon myself the more difficult and toilsome tasks.
Help me, that my feet may be merciful, so
that I may hurry to assist my neighbor, overcoming my own fatigue and
weariness. My true rest is in the service of my neighbor.
Help me, O Lord, that my heart may be
merciful so that I myself may feel all the sufferings of my neighbor. I will
refuse my heart to no one. I will be sincere even with those who, I know,
will abuse my kindness. And I will lock myself up in the most merciful Heart
of Jesus. I will bear my own suffering in silence. May Your mercy, O Lord,
rest upon me.
+You yourself command me to exercise the
three degrees of mercy. The first: the act of mercy, of whatever kind. The
second: the word of mercy-if I cannot carry out a work of mercy, I will
assist by my words. The third: prayer-if I cannot show mercy by deeds or
words, I can always do so by prayer. My prayer reaches out even there where I
cannot reach out physically.
O my Jesus, transform me into Yourself, for
you can do all things.
173 Satan's
temptations during meditation. I felt a strange fear that the priest would
not
understand me, or
that he would have no time to hear everything I would have to say. How am I
going to tell him all this? If it were Father Bukowski I could do it more
easily, but this Jesuit whom I am seeing for the first time... Then I
remembered Father Bukowski's advice that I should at least take brief notes of
the lights sent to me by God during the retreats and give him at least a
brief report on them. My God, for a day and a half all has gone well, and now
a life and death struggle is beginning. The conference is to start in a half
hour, and then I am to go to confession. Satan tried to persuade me into
believing that if my superiors have told me that my inner life is an
illusion, why should I ask again and trouble the confessor? Didn't MX
[probably Mother Jane] tell you that the Lord Jesus does not commune with
souls as miserable as yours? This confessor is going to tell you the same
thing. Why speak to him about all this? These are not sins, and Mother X,
told you that all this communing with the Lord Jesus was daydreaming and pure
hysteria. So why tell it to this confessor? You would do better to dismiss
all this as illusions. Look how many humiliations you have suffered because
of them, and how many more are still awaiting you, and all the sisters know
that you are a hysteric. "Jesus!" I called out with all the
strength of my soul.
216 We have come to Cracow today [April 18,
1933]. What a joy it is to find myself again where I took my first steps in
the spiritual life! Dear Mother Directress [Mary Joseph] is ever the same,
cheerful and full of love of neighbor. I entered the chapel for a moment and
joy filled my soul. In a flash I recalled the whole ocean of graces that had
been given me as a novice here.
236 Oh, how misleading are appearances, and how unjust the
judgments. Oh, how often virtue suffers only because it remains silent. To be
sincere with those who are incessantly stinging us demands much self-denial.
One bleeds, but there are no visible wounds. O Jesus, it is only on the last
day that many of these things will be made known. What joy-none of our
efforts will be lost!
241 Love of neighbor. First: Helpfulness
towards the sisters. Second: Do not speak about those who are absent, and
defend the good name of my neighbor. Third: Rejoice in the success of others.
279 God made known to me what true love
consists in and gave light to me about how, in practice, to give proof of it
to Him. True love of God consists in carrying out God's will. To show God our
love in what we do, all our actions, even the least, must spring from our
love of God. And the Lord said to me, My child, you please Me most by
suffering. In your physical as well as your mental sufferings, My daughter,
do not seek sympathy from creatures. I want the fragrance of your suffering
to be pure and unadulterated. I want you to detach yourself, not only from
creatures, but also from yourself. My daughter, I want to delight in the love
of your heart, a pure love, virginal, unblemished, untarnished. The more you
will come to love suffering, My daughter, the purer your love for Me will be.
294 +Once the Lord said to me, Act like a
beggar who does not back away when he gets more alms [than he asked for], but
offers thanks the more fervently. You too should not back away and say that
you are not worthy of receiving greater graces when I give them to you. I
know you are unworthy, but rejoice all the more and take as many treasures
from My Heart as you can carry, for then you will please Me more. And I will
tell you one more thing: Take these graces not only for yourself, but also
for others; that is, encourage the souls with whom you come in contact to
trust in My infinite mercy. Oh, how I love those souls who have complete
confidence in Me. I will do everything for them.
296 +O Supreme Good, I want to love You as
no one on earth has ever loved You before! I want to adore You with every
moment of my life and unite my will closely to Your holy will. My life is not
drab or monotonous, but it is varied like a garden of fragrant flowers, so
that I don't know which flower to pick first, the lily of suffering or the
rose of love of neighbor or the violet of humility. I will not enumerate
these treasures in which my every day abounds. It is a great thing to know
how to make use of the present moment.
343 True love is
measured by the thermometer of suffering. Jesus, I thank You for the little
daily crosses, for opposition to my endeavors, for the hardships of communal
life, for the misinterpretation of my intentions, for humiliations at the
hands of others, for the harsh way in which we are treated, for false
suspicions, for poor health and loss of strength, for self-denial, for dying
to myself, for lack of recognition in everything, for the upsetting of all my
plans.
Thank You, Jesus, for interior sufferings, for dryness of spirit, for terrors, fears and incertitudes, for the darkness and the deep interior night, for temptations and various ordeals, for torments too difficult to describe, especially for those which no one will understand, for the hour of death with its fierce struggle and all its bitterness. I thank You, Jesus, You who first drank the cup of bitterness before You gave it to me, in a much milder form. I put my lips to this cup of Your holy will. Let all be done according to Your good pleasure; let that which Your wisdom ordained before the ages be done to me. I want to drink the cup to its last drop, and not seek to know the reason why. In bitterness is my joy, in hopelessness is my trust. In You, O Lord, all is good, all is a gift of Your paternal Heart. I do not prefer consolations over bitterness or bitterness over consolations, but thank You, O Jesus, for everything! It is my delight to fix my gaze upon You, O incomprehensible God! My spirit abides in these mysterious dwelling places, and there I am at home. I know very well the dwelling place of my Spouse. I feel there is not a single drop of blood in me that does not burn with love for You. O Uncreated Beauty, whoever comes to know You once cannot love anything else. I can feel the bottomless abyss of my soul, and nothing will fill it but God himself. I feel that I am drowned in Him like a single grain of sand in a bottomless ocean.
375 Particular interior practice; that is,
the examination of conscience. Self-denial, denial of my own will.
I. The denial of my reason. Subjecting it
to the reason of those who represent God to me here on earth.
II. The denial of my will. Doing the will
of God, which is revealed in the will of those who represent God to me and
which is contained in the rule of our order.
III. The denial of my judgment. Accepting
immediately and without reflection, analysis or reasoning all orders given by
those who represent God to me.
IV. The denial of my tongue. I will not
give it the least bit of freedom; but in one case only I will give it
complete freedom; that is, in proclaiming the glory of God. Whenever I
receive Holy Communion, I will ask Jesus to fortify and cleanse my tongue
that I may not injure my neighbor with it. That is why I have the greatest
respect for the rule which speaks about silence.
383 At the beginning of the retreat, I saw,
on the ceiling of the chapel, Jesus nailed to the Cross. He was looking at
the sisters with great love, but not at all of them. There were three sisters
at whom Jesus looked severely, for what reasons I do not know. I only know
what a terrible thing it is to meet with such a look, which is the look of a
severe Judge. That look was not directed at me, and yet I was paralyzed with
terror. I still tremble as I write these words. I did not dare to say so much
as a single word to Jesus. My physical strength failed me, and I thought I
would not live to the end of the conference. The next day, I saw the same
thing again, just as I had seen it the first time, and this time I dared to
speak these words: "Jesus, how great is Your mercy!"
On the third day, that gaze of great
kindness upon all the sisters, except the three, was again repeated. I
gathered up my courage, which drew its force from love of neighbor, and I
said to the Lord, "You, who are Mercy Itself, as You yourself told me, I
beg You by the power of Your mercy, to look then with kindness at these three
sisters as well. And if this is not in accord with Your wisdom, I ask You for
an exchange: turn to them the kind look meant for my soul, and let Your
severe gaze at their souls be turned on me." Jesus then said to me these
words: My daughter, for the sake of your sincere and generous love, I grant
them many graces although they are not asking Me for them. But I am doing so
because of the promise I have made to you. And at that moment, He turned a
merciful look towards those three sisters as well. My heart leapt with joy to
see the goodness of God.
392 The Lord God grants His graces
in two ways: by inspiration and by enlightenment. If we ask God for a grace,
He will give it to us; but let us be willing to accept it. And in order to
accept it, self-denial is needed. Love does not consist in words or feelings,
but in deeds. It is an act of the will; it is a gift; that is to say, a
giving. The reason, the will, the heart-these three faculties must be
exercised during prayer. I will rise from the dead in Jesus, but first I must
live in Him. If I do not separate myself from the Cross, then the Gospel will
be revealed in me. Jesus in me makes up for all my deficiencies. His grace
operates without ceasing. The Holy Trinity grants me Its life abundantly, by
the gift of the Holy Spirit. The Three Divine Persons live in me. When God
loves, He loves with all His Being, with all the power of His Being. If God
has loved me in this way, how should I respond I, His spouse?
462 Now I understand well that
what unites our soul most closely to God is self-denial; that is, joining our
will to the will of God. This is what makes the soul truly free, contributes
to profound recollection of the spirit, and makes all life's burdens light,
and death sweet.
538 There will be no distinction between the sisters, no
mothers,[107] no reverends, no
venerable, but all will be equal, even though there might be great
differences in their parentage. We know who Jesus was, and yet how He humbled
himself and with whom He associated. Their habit will be like that worn by
Jesus during His Passion, and they will not simply wear the robe [He wore];
they must also seal themselves with the marks He bore: suffering and scorn.
Each one will strive for the greatest self-denial and have a love of
humility, and she who will distinguish herself most in this latter virtue
will be the one who is capable of leading the others.
549 Work. As poor persons, the nuns
themselves will do all the work in the convent. Each one should be glad when
she is given some work which is humbling or which goes against her nature, as
that will greatly help her interior formation. The superior will often change
the sisters' duties, and in this way help them to detach themselves
completely from the little details to which women have a great attachment.
Truly, I often find it amusing to see with my own eyes souls who have
forsaken really great things only to attach themselves to fiddle faddle; that
is, trifles. Each sister, including even the superior, shall work in the
kitchen for a month. Every one should take a turn at every chore which is to
be done in the convent.
571 O
my Jesus, Eternal Truth, I fear nothing, neither hardships nor sufferings; I
fear only one thing, and that is to offend You. My Jesus, I would rather not
exist than make You sad. Jesus, You know that my love knows no one but You.
My soul is absorbed in You.
590 When I receive Holy Communion, I
entreat and beg the Savior to heal my tongue, that I may never fail in love
of neighbor.
648 Good Friday. At three o'clock,
I saw the Lord Jesus, crucified, who looked at me and said, I thirst.
Then I saw two rays issue from His side, just as they appear in the image. I
then felt in my soul the desire to save souls and to empty myself for the
sake of poor sinners. I offered myself, together with the dying Jesus, to the
Eternal Father, for the salvation of the whole world. With Jesus, through
Jesus and in Jesus is my communion with You, Eternal Father. On Good Friday,
Jesus suffered in His soul in a way which was different from [His suffering
on] Holy Thursday.
679 Good night, my
Jesus; the bell is calling me to sleep. My Jesus, You see that I am dying
from the desire to save souls. Good night, my Beloved; I rejoice at being one
day closer to eternity. And if You let me wake up tomorrow, Jesus, I shall
begin a new hymn to Your praise.
692 + O Jesus, I understand that Your mercy
is beyond all imagining, and therefore I ask You to make my heart so big that
there will be room in it for the needs of all the souls living on the face of
the earth. O Jesus, my love extends beyond the world, to the souls suffering
in purgatory, and I want to exercise mercy toward them by means of
indulgenced prayers. God's mercy is unfathomable and inexhaustible, just as
God himself is unfathomable. Even if I were to use the strongest words there
are to express this mercy of God, all this would be nothing in comparison
with what it is in reality. O Jesus, make my heart sensitive to all the
sufferings of my neighbor, whether of body or of soul. O my Jesus, I know
that You act toward us as we act toward our neighbor.
My Jesus, make my heart like unto Your
merciful Heart. Jesus, help me to go through life doing good to everyone.
700 + Once, when I was very tired and in
much pain, I told Mother Superior [Irene] about it and received the answer
that I should get used to suffering. I listened to everything that Mother
told me, and then I went out. Our Mother Superior has great love of neighbor
and especially great love for the sick sisters, as everyone knows. And yet,
as regards me, it is extraordinary that the Lord Jesus has permitted that she
not understand me and that she test me much in this respect.
704 I spend every free moment at the feet
of the hidden God. He is my Master; I ask Him about everything; I speak to
Him about everything. Here I obtain strength and light; here I learn everything;
here I am given light on how to act toward my neighbor. From the time I left
the novitiate, I have enclosed myself in the tabernacle together with Jesus,
my Master. He himself drew me into the fire of living love on which
everything converges.
735 + I will enclose myself in the chalice
of Jesus so that I may comfort Him continually. I will do everything within
my power to save souls, and I will do it through prayer and suffering.
+I try always to be a Bethany for Jesus, so that He may rest here after all His labors. In Holy Communion, my union with Jesus is so intimate and incomprehensible that even if I wanted to describe it in writing I could not do so, because I lack the words.
742 My daughter, if I demand through you
that people revere My mercy, you should be the first to distinguish yourself
by this confidence in My mercy. I demand from you deeds of mercy, which are
to arise out of love for Me. You are to show mercy to your neighbors always
and everywhere. You must not shrink from this or try to excuse or absolve
yourself from it.
I am giving you three ways of exercising
mercy toward your neighbor: the first-by deed, the second-by word, the
third-by prayer. In these three degrees is contained the fullness of mercy,
and it is an unquestionable proof of love for Me. By this means a soul
glorifies and pays reverence to My mercy. Yes, the first Sunday after Easter
is the Feast of Mercy, but there must also be acts of mercy, and I demand the
worship of My mercy through the solemn celebration of the Feast and through
the veneration of the image which is painted. By means of this image I shall
grant many graces to souls. It is to be a reminder of the demands of My
mercy, because even the strongest faith is of no avail without works. O my
Jesus, You yourself must help me in everything, because You see how very
little I am, and so I depend solely on Your goodness, O God.
+ Particular Examen
Union with the merciful Christ. With my
heart I encompass the whole world, especially countries which are uncivilized
or where there is persecution. I am praying for mercy upon them.
745 During Holy Mass, I was so enveloped in the great
interior fire of God's love and the desire to save souls that I do not know
how to express it. I feel I am all aflame. I shall fight all evil with the
weapon of mercy. I am being burned up by the desire to save souls. I traverse
the world's length and breadth and venture as far as its ultimate limits and
its wildest lands to save souls. I do this through prayer and sacrifice. I
want every soul to glorify the mercy of God, for each one experiences the
effects of that mercy on himself. The Saints in heaven worship the mercy of
the Lord. I want to worship it even now, here on earth, and to spread
devotion to it in the way that God demands of me.
791 Hide me, Jesus, in the depths of Your
mercy, and then let my neighbor judge me as he pleases.
856 During the morning meditation, I felt
an aversion and a repugnance for all created things. Everything pales before
my eyes; my spirit is detached from all things. I desire only God himself,
and yet I must live. This is a martyrdom beyond description. God imparts
himself to the soul in a loving way and draws it into the infinite depths of
His divinity, but at the same time He leaves it here on earth for the sole
purpose that it might suffer and die of longing for Him. And this strong love
is so pure that God himself finds pleasure in it; and self-love has no access
to its deeds, for here everything is totally saturated with bitterness, and
thus is totally pure. Life is a continuous dying, painful and terrible, and
at the same time it is the depth of true life and of inconceivable happiness
and the strength of the soul; and because of this, [the soul] is capable of
great deeds for the sake of God.
861 Particular examen: remains the same;
namely, to unite myself with the Merciful Christ (that is; what would Christ
do in such and such a case?) and, in spirit, to embrace the whole world,
especially Russia and Spain.
General resolutions.
I. Strict observance of silence - interior
silence.
II. To see the image of God in every
sister; all love of neighbor must flow from this motive.
III. To do the will of God faithfully at
every moment of my life and to live by this.
IV. To give a faithful account of everything
to the spiritual director and not to undertake anything of importance without
a clear understanding with him. I shall try to clearly lay bare to him the
most secret depths of my soul, bearing in mind that I am dealing with God
himself, and that His representative is just a human being, and so I must
pray daily that he be given light.
V. During the evening examination of
conscience, I am to ask myself the question: What if He were to call me
today?
VI. Not to look for God far away, but
within my own being to abide with Him alone.
VII. In sufferings and torments, to take
refuge in the tabernacle and to be silent.
VIII. To join all sufferings, prayers,
works and mortifications to the merits of Jesus in order to obtain mercy for
the world.
IX. To use free moments, however short, for
prayers for the dying.
X. There must not be a day in my life when
I do not recommend to the Lord the works of our Congregation. Never have
regard for what others think of you [for human respect].
XI. Have no familiar relationships with
anyone. Gentle firmness toward the girls, boundless patience; punish them
severely but with such punishments as these: prayer and self-sacrifice. The
strength that is in the emptying of myself for their sake is for them a
[source of] constant remorse and the softening of their obdurate hearts.
XII. The presence of God is the basis of
all my thoughts, words and deeds.
XIII. To take advantage of all spiritual
help. To always put self-love in its proper place; namely, the last. To
perform my spiritual exercises as though I were doing them for the last time
in my life, and in like manner to carry out all my duties.
871 + My Master, cause my heart never to
expect help from anyone, but I will always strive to bring assistance,
consolation and all manner of relief to others. My heart is always open to
the sufferings of others; and I will not close my heart to the sufferings of
others, even though because of this I have been scornfully nicknamed
"dump"; that is, [because] everyone dumps his pain into my heart.
[To this] I answered that everyone has a place in my heart and I, in return,
have a place in the Heart of Jesus. Taunts regarding the law of love will not
narrow my heart. My soul is always sensitive on this point, and Jesus alone
is the motive for my love of neighbor.
944 + There are moments when I mistrust
myself, when I feel my own weakness and wretchedness in the most profound
depths of my own being, and I have noticed that I can endure such moments
only by trusting in the infinite mercy of God. Patience, prayer and
silence-these are what give strength to the soul. There are moments when one
should be silent, and when it would be inappropriate to talk with creatures;
these are the moments when one is dissatisfied with oneself, and when the soul
feels as weak as a little child. Then the soul clings to God with all its
might. At such times, I live solely by faith, and when I feel strengthened by
God's grace, then I am more courageous in speaking and communicating with my
neighbors.
993 + I asked the Lord to have a certain
person come to visit me today so that I could see her one more time, and that
would be a sign for me that she was being called to the convent which Jesus
is having me establish. And, O wonder, the person in question came, and I tried
to form her a bit, spiritually. I began to show her the way of self-denial
and sacrifice, which she readily accepted. However, I have placed this whole
matter in the hands of the Lord, that He may direct everything according to
His good pleasure.
1032 + During Holy Mass, I saw the
Lord Jesus nailed upon the cross amidst great torments. A soft moan issued
from His Heart. After some time, He said, I thirst. I thirst for the
salvation of souls. Help Me, My daughter, to save souls. Join your sufferings
to My Passion and offer them to the heavenly Father for sinners.
1039 + I suffer great pain at the sight of
the sufferings of others. All these sufferings are reflected in my heart. I
carry their torments in my heart so that it even wears me out physically. I
would like all pains to fall upon me so as to bring relief to my neighbor.
1074 When I went for adoration, I
heard these words: My beloved daughter, write down these words, that today
My Heart has rested in this convent [the Cracow house]. Tell the world
about My mercy and My love.
The flames of mercy are burning me. I desire to pour them out upon human souls. Oh, what pain they cause Me when they do not want to accept them! My daughter, do whatever is within your power to spread devotion to My mercy. I will make up for what you lack. Tell aching mankind to snuggle close to My merciful Heart, and I will fill it -with peace. Tell [all people], My daughter, that I am Love and Mercy itself. When a soul approaches Me with trust, I fill it with such an abundance of graces that it cannot contain them within itself, but radiates them to other souls. 1075 Souls who spread the honor of My mercy I shield through their entire lives as a tender mother her infant, and at the hour of death I will not be a Judge for them, but the Merciful Savior. At that last hour, a soul has nothing with which to defend itself except My mercy. Happy is the soul that during its lifetime immersed itself in the Fountain of Mercy, because justice will have no hold on it. 1076 Write this: Everything that exists is enclosed in the bowels of My mercy, more deeply than an infant in its mother's womb. How painfully distrust of My goodness wounds Me! Sins of distrust wound Me most painfully.
1409 + Today the Lord Jesus is giving me an
awareness of Himself and of His most tender love and care for me. He is
bringing me to understand deeply how everything depends on His will, and how
He allows certain difficulties precisely for our merit, so that our fidelity
might be clearly manifest. And through this, I have been given strength for
suffering and self-denial.
1645 March 25,
1938. Today, I saw the suffering Lord Jesus. He leaned down toward me and whispered
softly, My daughter, help Me to save sinners. Suddenly, a burning
desire to save souls entered my soul. When I recovered my senses, I knew just
how I was to help souls, and I prepared myself for greater sufferings.
1662 + O Christ, suffering for You is the
delight of my heart and my soul. Prolong my sufferings to infinity, that I
may give You a proof of my love. I accept everything that Your hand will hold
out to me. Your love, Jesus, is enough for me. I will glorify You in
abandonment and darkness, in agony and fear, in pain and bitterness, in
anguish of spirit and grief of heart. In all things may You be blessed. My
heart is so detached from the earth, that You Yourself are enough for me.
There is no longer any moment in my life for self concern.
1663
Holy Thursday [April 14, 1938]. Today I felt strong enough to take part in
the ceremonies of the Church. During Holy Mass, Jesus stood before me and
said, Look into My Heart and see there the love and mercy which I have for
humankind, and especially for sinners. Look, and enter into My Passion. In an
instant, I experienced and lived through the whole Passion of Jesus in my own
heart. I was surprised that these tortures did not deprive me of my life.
1664 During adoration, Jesus said to me, My
daughter, know that your ardent love and the compassion you have for Me were
a consolation to Me in the Garden [of Olives].
1665 During Holy Hour in the evening, I
heard the words, You see My mercy for sinners, which at this moment is
revealing itself in all its power. See how little you have written about it;
it is only a single drop. Do what is in your power, so that sinners may come
to know My goodness.
1797
Today, the Lord came to me and said, My daughter, help Me to save souls.
You will go to a dying sinner, and you will continue to recite the chaplet,
and in this way you will obtain for him trust in My mercy, for he is already
in despair.
(Diary
of Sister Faustina Kowalska Notebook-I-77, 93, 96-98, 101 116, 118, 147, 151)
(Diary
of Sister Faustina Kowalska Notebook-I-163, 173, 216, 236, 241, 279, 294,
296)
(Diary
of Sister Faustina Kowalska Notebook-I-343, 375, 383, 392, 462, 538)
(Diary
of Sister Faustina Kowalska Notebook-II-549, 571, 590, 648, 679, 692, 700,
704)
(Diary
of Sister Faustina Kowalska Notebook-II-735, 742, 745)
(Diary
of Sister Faustina Kowalska Notebook-II-791, 856, 861, 871, 944, 993)
(Diary
of Sister Faustina Kowalska Notebook-III-1029, 1032, 1039, 1074-1075)
(Diary
of Sister Faustina Kowalska Notebook-V-1409)
(Diary
of Sister Faustina Kowalska Notebook-VI-1645, 1662-1663, 1797)
http://www.saint-faustina.com/Diary/DMIMS10.shtml
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Hunyo 30, 2013
Choosing Between Two Goods-Divine Mercy Miracles Meditations
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