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Excerpts from the DIARY of
Saint Faustina Kowalska
845 Before the
vigil supper, I entered the chapel for a moment to break the wafer
spiritually with those dear to my heart. I presented them all, by name, to
Jesus and begged for graces on their behalf. But that wasn't all. I
commended to the Lord all those who are being persecuted, those who are
suffering, those who do not know His Name, and especially poor sinners. O
little Jesus, I fervently ask You, enclose them all in the ocean of Your
incomprehensible mercy. O sweet little Jesus, here is my heart; let it be a
little cozy dwelling place for Yourself. O Infinite Majesty, with what
sweetness You drew close to us. Here, there is no dread of the thunderbolts
of the great Jehovah; here, there is the sweet little Jesus. Here, no soul
is afraid, although Your majesty has not lessened, but only concealed
itself. After supper, I felt very tired and was in pain. I had to lie down.
But I kept vigil with the Most Holy Mother, awaiting the arrival of the
little Child.
875 Today, I
experienced a great suffering during the visit of our sisters. I learned of
something that hurt me terribly, but I controlled myself so that the
sisters didn't notice anything. For some time, the pain was tearing my
heart apart, but all that is for the sake of poor sinners.... O Jesus, for
poor sinners.... Jesus, my strength, stay close to me, help me....
885 Jesus, give
me the strength and wisdom to get through this terrible wilderness, that my
heart may bear patiently this longing for You, O my Lord! I always remain
in holy
amazement when I
sense that You are approaching me, You, the Lord of the awesome
throne; that You
descend to this miserable exile and visit this poor beggar who has nothing
but misery! I do not know how to entertain You, my Royal Prince, but You
know that I love You with every beat of my heart. I see how You lower
yourself, but nevertheless Your majesty does not diminish in my eyes. I
know that You love me with the love of a bridegroom, and that is enough for
me. Although we are separated by a great chasm, for You are the Creator and
I am Your creature, nevertheless, love alone explains our union. Without
it, all is incomprehensible. Only love makes it possible to understand
these incomprehensible intimacies with which You visit me. O Jesus, Your
greatness terrifies me, and I would be in constant astonishment and fear,
if You yourself did not set me at peace. You make me capable of communing
with You before each approach.
892 Today the
Lord gave me to know, in spirit, about the Convent of Divine Mercy. I saw a
great spirit in this convent, but everything was poor and very scanty. O my
Jesus, you are allowing me to live in spirit with these souls, but perhaps
I shall never set foot there; but may Your Name be blessed, and whatever
You have intended, may it be done.
908 + O Jesus,
how sorry I feel for poor sinners. Jesus, grant them contrition and
repentance. Remember Your own sorrowful Passion. I know Your infinite mercy
and cannot bear it that a soul that has cost You so much should perish.
Jesus, give me the souls of sinners; let Your mercy rest upon them. Take
everything away from me, but give me souls. I want to become a sacrificial
host for sinners. Let the shell of my body conceal my offering, for Your
Most Sacred Heart is also hidden in a Host, and certainly You are a living
sacrifice.
Transform me into
Yourself, O Jesus, that I may be a living sacrifice and pleasing to You. I
desire to atone at each moment for poor sinners. The sacrifice of my spirit
is hidden under the veil of the body; the human eye does not perceive it,
and for that reason it is pure and pleasing to You. O my Creator and Father
of great mercy, I trust in You, for You are Goodness Itself. Souls, do not
be afraid of God, but trust in Him, for He is good, and His mercy is
everlasting.
912 Then I heard
the following words spoken thus: I want you to be My spouse. Fear
pierced my soul, but I calmly continued to reflect on what sort of an
espousal this could be. However, each time fear would invade my soul, a
power from on high would give it peace. After all, I have taken perpetual
vows, and I have taken them of my own completely free will. And so I
continued to reflect on what this could mean. I sensed, and came to
realize, that this was some special kind of grace. Whenever I think about
it, I feel faint for God, but in this swooning, my mind is clear and
penetrated with light. When I am united to Him, I faint from an abundance
of happiness, but my mind is bright and clear and free from all shadows.
You a base Your majesty to dwell with a poor creature. Thank you, O Lord,
for this great grace that makes it possible for me to commune with You.
Jesus, Your Name is my delight, I have a presentiment of my Beloved from
afar, and my languishing soul rests in His embrace; I don't know how to
live without Him. I would rather be with Him in afflictions and suffering
than without Him in the greatest heavenly delights.
920
+There is a woman here [165] who was once one of our
students. Naturally, she puts my patience to the test. She comes to see me
several times a day. After each of these visits I am tired out, but I see
that the Lord Jesus has sent that soul to me. Let everything glorify You, O
Lord. Patience gives glory to God. O how poor the souls are!
927 On these two
days, I received Holy Communion as an act of reparation, and I said to the
Lord, "Jesus, I offer everything today for sinners. Let the blows of
Your justice fall on me, and the sea of Your mercy engulf the poor
sinners." And the Lord heard my prayer: many souls returned to the
Lord, but I was in agony under the yoke of God's justice. I felt I was the
object of the anger of the Most High God. By evening my sufferings had
reached such a stage of interior desolation that moans welled up
involuntarily from my breast. I locked the door of my room and began an
adoration; that is to say, a Holy Hour. Interior desolation and an
experience of God's justice-that was my prayer; and the moans and pain that
welled up from my soul took the place of a sweet conversation with the
Lord.
929 When I had
rested near His sweetest Heart, I told Him, "Jesus, I have so much to
tell You." And the Lord said to me with great love, Speak, My
daughter. And I started to enumerate the pains of my heart; that is,
how greatly concerned I am for all mankind, that "they all do not know
You, and those who do know You do not love You as You deserve to be loved.
I also see how terribly sinners offend You; and then again, I see how severely
the faithful, especially Your servants, are oppressed and persecuted. And
then, too, I see many souls rushing headlong into the terrible abyss of
hell. You see, Jesus, this is the pain that gnaws at my heart and bones.
And, although You show me special love and inundate my heart with streams
of Your joys, nevertheless, this does not appease the sufferings I have
just mentioned, but rather they penetrate my poor heart all the more
acutely. Oh, how ardently I desire that all mankind turn with trust to Your
mercy. Then, seeing the glory of Your name, my heart will be
comforted."
Jesus listened to
these outpourings of my heart with gravity and interest, as if He had known
nothing about them, and this seemed to make it easier for me to talk. And
the Lord said to me, My daughter, those words of your heart are pleasing
to Me, and by saying the chaplet you are bringing humankind closer
to Me. After these words, I found myself alone, but the presence of God
is always in my soul.
934 Small
practices for Lent. Although I wish and desire to do so, I cannot practice
big
mortifications as
before, because I am under the strict surveillance of the doctor. But I can
practice little things: first-sleep without a pillow; keep myself a little
hungry; every day, with my arms outstretched, say the chaplet which the
Lord taught me; occasionally, with arms outstretched, for an indefinite
period of time pray informally. Intention: to beg divine mercy for poor
sinners, and for priests, the power to bring sinful hearts to repentance.
936 + A certain
person in our ward was beginning to die. Amidst terrible tortures, she was
dying for three days, sometimes regaining consciousness. Everyone in the
ward was praying for her. I longed to go to her, but Mother Superior had
forbidden me to go to visit the dying, so I prayed for that poor soul in my
room. But when I heard that she was still in agony, and there was no saying
how long it was going to take, I suddenly felt inspired in my soul and said
to the Lord, "Jesus, if all I do is pleasing to You, I ask You, as
evidence, to let that soul stop suffering and pass on immediately to her
happy eternity." A few minutes later I learned that the person had
passed away so peacefully and quickly that they did not even have time to
light the candle.
953 + February
15, 1937. Today my suffering increased somewhat: I not only feel greater
pain all through my lungs, but also some strange pains in my intestines. I
am suffering as much as my weak nature can bear, all for immortal souls, to
plead the mercy of God for poor sinners and to beg for strength for
priests. Oh, how much reverence I have for priests; and I am asking Jesus,
the High Priest, to grant them many graces.
1156 The second
is prayer joined to the act of mercy. In particular, they will defend the
souls of children against the spirit of evil. Prayer and merciful deeds are
all that will be required of these souls, and even the poorest persons can
be admitted to their number. And in this egoistic world they will try to
rouse up love, the mercy of Jesus.
1158 A member of
this group ought to perform at least one act of mercy a day; at least one,
but there can be many more, for such deeds can easily be carried out by
anyone, even the very poorest. For there are three ways of performing an
act of mercy: the merciful word, by forgiving and by comforting; secondly,
if you can offer no word, then pray-that too is mercy; and thirdly, deeds
of mercy. And when the Last Day comes, we shall be judged from this, and on
this basis we shall receive the eternal verdict.
1167 Satan has
admitted to me that I am the object of his hatred. He said that "a
thousand souls do me less harm than you do when you speak of the great
mercy of the Almighty One. The greatest sinners regain confidence and
return to God, and I lose everything. But what is more, you persecute me
personally with that unfathomable mercy of the Almighty One." I took
note of the great hatred Satan has for the Mercy of God. He does not want
to acknowledge that God is good.
1274 I experience
great torments of soul when I see God offended. Today I recognized that
mortal sins were being committed not far from our door. It was evening. I
prayed earnestly in the chapel, and then I went to scourge myself. When I
knelt down to pray, however, the Lord allowed me to experience how a soul
rejected by God suffers. It seems to me that my heart was torn to pieces,
and at the same time I understood how much such a soul wounds the most
merciful Heart of Jesus. The poor creature does not want to accept God's mercy.
The more God has pursued a soul with His mercy, the more just will He be
towards it.
1282 + When the
same poor people come to the gate a second time, I treat them with greater
gentleness, and I do not let them see that I know they have been here
before; [I do this] in order not to embarrass them. And then they speak to
me freely about their troubles and needs.
Although Sister
N. tells me that is not the way to deal with beggars, and slams the door in
their faces, when she is not there, I treat them as my Master would.
Sometimes more is given when giving nothing, than when giving much in a
rude manner.
1309 When I make
the Way of the Cross, I am deeply moved at the twelfth station. Here I
reflect on the omnipotence of God's mercy which passed through the Heart of
Jesus. In this open wound of the Heart of Jesus I enclose all poor
humans... and those individuals whom I love, as often as I make the Way of
the Cross. From that Fount of Mercy issued the two rays; that is, the
Blood and the Water. With the immensity of their grace they flood the whole
world....
1312 + Jesus came
to the main entrance today, under the guise of a poor young man. This young
man, emaciated, barefoot and bareheaded, and with his clothes in tatters,
was frozen because the day was cold and rainy. He asked for something hot
to eat. So I went to the kitchen, but found nothing there for the poor.
But, after searching around for some time, I succeeded in finding some
soup, which I reheated and into which I crumbled some bread, and I gave it
to the poor young man, who ate it. As I was taking the bowl from him, he
gave me to know that He was the Lord of heaven and earth. When I saw Him as
He was, He vanished from my sight. When I went back in and reflected on
what had happened at the gate, I heard these words in my soul: My
daughter, the blessings of the poor who bless Me as they leave this
gate have reached My ears. And your compassion, within the bounds of
obedience, has pleased Me, and this is why I came down from My throne-to
taste the fruits of your mercy.
1313 O my Jesus,
now everything is clear to me, and I understand all that has just happened.
I somehow felt and asked myself what sort of a poor man is this who
radiates such modesty. From that moment on, there was stirred up in my heart
an even purer love toward the poor and the needy. Oh, how happy I am that
my superiors have given me such a task! I understand that mercy is
manifold; one can do good always and everywhere and at all times. An ardent
love of God sees all around itself constant opportunities to share itself
through deed, word and prayer. Now I understand the words which You spoke
to me, O Lord, some time ago.
1487 Jesus: Poor
soul, I see that you suffer much and that you do not have even the strength
to converse with me. So I will speak to you. Even though your sufferings
were very great, do not lose heart or give in to despondency. But tell Me,
my child, who has dared to wound your heart? Tell me about everything, be
sincere in dealing with Me, reveal all the wounds of your heart. I will
heal them, and your suffering will become a source of your sanctification.
Soul: Lord, my
sufferings are so great and numerous and have lasted so long that I become
discouraged.
Jesus: My
child, do not be discouraged. I know your boundless trust in Me; I know
you are aware of
My goodness and mercy. Let us talk in detail about everything
that weighs so
heavily upon your heart.
Soul: There are
so many different things that I do not know what to speak about first, nor
how to express it.
Jesus: Talk to
Me simply, as a friend to a friend. Tell Me now, My child, what hinders you
from advancing in holiness?
Soul: Poor health
detains me on the way to holiness. I cannot fulfill my duties. I am as
useless as an
extra wheel on a wagon. I cannot mortify myself or fast to any extent, as
the saints did. Furthermore, nobody believes I am sick, so that mental pain
is added to those of the body, and I am often humiliated. Jesus, how can
anyone become holy in such circumstances?
Jesus: True,
My child, all that is painful. But there is no way to heaven except the
way of the cross.
I followed it first. You must learn that it is the shortest and
surest way.
Soul: Lord, there
is another obstacle on the road to holiness. Because I am faithful to You,
I am persecuted and suffer much.
Jesus: It is
because you are not of this world that the world hates you. First it
persecuted Me.
Persecution is a sign that you are following in My footsteps
faithfully.
Soul: My Lord, I
am also discouraged because neither my superiors nor my confessor
understand my
interior trials. A darkness clouds my mind. How can I advance? All this
discourages me
from striving for the heights of sanctity.
Jesus: Well,
My child, this time you have told Me a good deal. I realize how painful
it is not to be
understood, and especially by those whom one loves and with whom one has
been very open. But suffice it to know that I understand all your troubles
and misery. I am pleased by the deep faith you have, despite everything, in
My representatives. Learn from this that no one will understand a soul
entirely-that is beyond human ability. Therefore, I have remained on earth
to comfort your aching heart and to fortify your soul, so that you will not
falter on the way. You say that a dense darkness is obscuring your mind.
But why, at such times, do you not come to Me, the light who can in an
instant pour into your soul more understanding about holiness than can be
found in any books? No confessor is capable of teaching and enlightening a
soul in this way. Know, too, that the darkness about which you complain I
first endured in the Garden of Olives when My Soul was crushed in mortal
anguish. I am giving you a share in those sufferings because of My special
love for you and in view of the high degree of holiness I am intending for
you in heaven. A suffering soul is closest to My Heart.
Soul: One more
thing, Lord. What should I do when I am ignored and rejected by people,
especially by those on whom I had a right to count in times of greatest
need?
Jesus: My
child, make the resolution never to rely on people. Entrust yourself
completely to My
will saying, "Not as I want, but according to Your will, O God, let
it be done unto
me." These words, spoken from the depths of one's heart, can
raise a soul to
the summit of sanctity in a short time. In such a soul I delight. Such a
soul gives Me glory. Such a soul fills heaven with the fragrance of her
virtue. But understand that the strength by which you bear sufferings comes
from frequent Communions. So approach this fountain of mercy often, to draw
with the vessel of trust whatever you need.
Soul: Thank You,
Lord, for Your goodness in remaining with us in this exile as the God of
mercy and blessing us with the radiance of Your compassion and goodness. It
is through the light of Your mercy that I have come to understand how much
You love me.
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