Longing to Be with the Father
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Seventeenth Sunday in Ordinary Time
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Luke 11: 1-13
Jesus was praying in a certain place, and when he had finished, one of
his disciples said to him, "Lord, teach us to pray just as John taught
his disciples." He said to them, "When you pray, say: Father,
hallowed be your name, your kingdom come. Give us each day our daily bread
and forgive us our sins for we ourselves forgive everyone in debt to us, and
do not subject us to the final test." And he said to them, "Suppose
one of you has a friend to whom he goes at midnight and says, ´Friend, lend
me three loaves of bread, for a friend of mine has arrived at my house from a
journey and I have nothing to offer him,´ and he says in reply from within,
´Do not bother me; the door has already been locked and my children and I are
already in bed. I cannot get up to give you anything.´ I tell you, if he does
not get up to give him the loaves because of their friendship, he will get up
to give him whatever he needs because of his persistence. "And I tell
you, ask and you will receive; seek and you will find; knock and the door
will be opened to you. For everyone who asks, receives; and the one who
seeks, finds; and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened. What father
among you would hand his son a snake when he asks for a fish? Or hand him a
scorpion when he asks for an egg? If you then, who are wicked, know how to
give good gifts to your children, how much more will the Father in heaven give
the holy Spirit to those who ask him?"
Introductory Prayer: Lord, I come into Your presence
seeking to know You better. I believe that You take the lead in seeking me.
You want me to find You. I trust that in Your mercy You will bring me to
intimacy with You. I open my heart today to receive Your friendship.
Petition: Lord, teach me to long for Your Kingdom and Your holiness.
1. Teach Us How to Pray: All of us carry a longing to know
God and enter into a relationship with him. Those who live a deep relationship
with God attract us by the peace and serenity of their lives. They know they
are loved, and they can handle the difficulties of life with joy and
serenity. The disciples see how deeply and spontaneously Christ talks with
the Father, and they realize they are far from that; so they ask Christ to
teach them to pray. We, too, learn from Christ how to enter into a
relationship of love with the Father. He teaches us to put our trust totally
in the Father’s love.
2. The Desire to Be like the Father: Jesus teaches us
to ask that the Father’s Kingdom come in our hearts. He reveals to us that
the Father’s kingdom is our home. When we pray the Our Father, we are
expressing our desire to enter into the Father’s heart. We are expressing our
desire to be like the Father in his goodness, holiness, and love. Praying the
Our Father renews in us a continual conversion of heart and points us to our
true home. It reminds us that this home is within our reach, because the
Father is intimately close to our lives and wants to help us become more like
him.
3. Asking for Holiness Persistently: Jesus invites us
to persevere in imploring the Father for the gift of the Holy Spirit. The
Holy Spirit brings holiness to our lives if we are docile to his
inspirations. Christ reminds us that the Father wants to bless us with this
holiness. But we must expand our capacity to receive this gift by increasing
our desire for it. Our perseverance in petitioning this gift expands our
hearts. We must not tire of asking for the gift of the Holy Spirit. We must
do so with great confidence in the Father’s love.
Conversation with Christ: Lord Jesus, thank You for showing
me the closeness that the Father wants to have with me. Help me to expand my
heart and be like him. You are guiding my life, Lord. Help me to cooperate
with the Father’s love.
Resolution: I will pray an Our Father today more calmly and attentively, letting
the Holy Spirit inspire me to see what a small thing I can do today to help
the Father’s Kingdom come.
Excerpts from the DIARY of Saint Faustina Kowalska
17 At last the time
came when the door of the convent was opened for me - it was the first of
August [1925], in the evening, the vigil [of a feast] of Our Lady of the
Angels. I felt immensely happy; it seemed to em that I had stepped into the
life of Paradise. A single prayer was bursting forth from my heart, one of
thanksgiving.
18 However,
after three weeks I became aware that there is so very little time here for
prayer, and of many other things which spoke to my soul in favor of entering
a religious community of a stricter observance. This thought took a firm hold
of my soul, but the will of God was not in it. Still, the thought, or rather
the temptation, was growing stronger and stronger to the point where I
decided one day to announce my departure to Mother Superior and definitely to
leave [the convent]. But God arranged the circumstances in such a way that I
could not get to the Mother Superior [Michael]. I stepped into the little chapel
[7] before going to bed,
and I asked Jesus for light in this matter. But I received nothing in my soul
except a strange unrest which I did not understand. But, in spite of
everything, I made up my mind to approach Mother Superior the next morning
right after Mass and tell her of my decision.
32 Another time
I heard these words, Go to the Superior and ask her to allow you to make a
daily hour of adoration for nine days. During this adoration try to unite
yourself in prayer with My Mother. Pray with all your heart in union with
Mary, and try also during this time to make the Way of the Cross. I
received the permission, though not for a full hour, but only for whatever time
was left me after I had carried out my duties.
41 On one
occasion I saw a servant of God in the immediate danger of committing a
mortal sin. I started to beg God to deign to send down upon me all the
torments of hell and all the sufferings He wished if only this priest would
be set free and snatched from the occasion of committing a sin. Jesus heard
my prayer and, that very instant, I felt a crown of thorns on my head. The
thorns penetrated my head with great force right into my brain. This lasted
for three hours; the servant of God was set free from this sin, and his soul
was strengthened by a special grace of God.
55 1933. Spiritual Counsel Given Me by Father
Andrasz, S.J.
First: You must not
turn away from these interior inspirations, but always tell everything to
your confessor. If you recognize that these interior inspirations refer to
your own self; that is to say, they are for the good of your soul or for the
good of other souls, l urge you to follow them; and you must not neglect
them, but always do so in consultation with your confessor.
Second: If these inspirations are not in accord with the faith or the spirit of the Church, they must be rejected immediately as coming from the evil spirit. Third: If these inspirations do not refer to souls, in general, nor specifically to their good, you should not take them too seriously, and it would be better to even ignore them. But you should not make this decision by yourself, either one way or the other, as you can easily be led astray despite these great favors from God. Humility, humility, and ever humility, as we can do nothing of ourselves; all is purely and simply God's grace. You say to me that God demands great trust from souls; well then, you be the first to show this trust. And one more word-accept all this with serenity. Words of one of the confessors: "Sister, God is preparing many special graces for you, but try to make your life as clear as crystal before the Lord, paying no attention to what anyone else thinks about you. Let God suffice you; He alone." Toward the end of my novitiate, a confessor [perhaps Father Theodore] told me: "Go through life doing good, so that I could write on its pages: `She spent her life doing good.' May God bring this about in you." Another time the confessor said to me, "Comport yourself before God like the widow in the Gospel; although the coin she dropped into the box was of little value, it counted far more before God than all the big offerings of others." On another occasion the instruction I received was this: " Act in such a way that all those who come in contact with you will go away joyful. Sow happiness about you because you have received much from God; give, then, generously to others. They should take leave of you with their hearts filled with joy, even if they have no more than touched the hem of your garment. Keep well in mind the words I am telling you right now." Still another time he gave me the following recommendation: "Let God push your boat out into the deep waters, toward the unfathomable depths of the interior life." Here are a few words from a conversation I had with the Mother Directress [Mary Joseph] toward the end of my novitiate: "Sister, let simplicity and humility be the characteristic traits of your soul. Go through life like a little child, always trusting, always full of simplicity and humility, content with everything, happy in every circumstance. There, where others fear, you will pass calmly along, thanks to this simplicity and humility. Remember this, Sister, for your whole life: as waters flow from the mountains down into the valleys, so, too, do God's graces flow only into humble souls."
62 O life so
dull and monotonous, how many treasures you contain! When I look at
everything with the eyes of faith, no two hours are alike, and the dullness
and monotony disappear. The grace which is given me in this hour will not be
repeated in the next. It may be given me again, but it will not be the same
grace. Time goes on, never to return again. Whatever is enclosed in it will
never change; it seals with a seal for eternity.
91 O my Jesus,
You alone know what persecutions I suffer, and this only because I am being
faithful to You and following Your orders. You are my strength; sustain me
that I may always carry out what You ask of me. Of myself I can do nothing,
but when You sustain me, all difficulties are nothing for me. O my Lord, I
can see very well that from the time when my soul first received the capacity
to know You, my life has been a continual struggle which has become increasingly
intense.
Every morning during meditation, I prepare myself for the whole day's struggle. Holy Communion assures me that I will win the victory; and so it is. I fear the day when I do not receive Holy Communion. This Bread of t lie Strong gives me all the strength I need to carry on my mission and the courage to do whatever the Lord asks of me. The courage and strength that are in me are not of me, but of Him who lives in me - it is the Eucharist. O my Jesus, the misunderstandings are so great; sometimes, were it not for the Eucharist, I would not have the courage to go any further along the way You have marked out for me.
92 Humiliation
is my daily food. I understand that the bride must herself share in
everything that is the groom's; and so His cloak of mockery must cover me,
too. At those times when I suffer much, I try to remain silent, as I do not
trust my tongue which, at such moments, is inclined to talk for itself, while
its duty is to help me praise God for all the blessings and gifts which He
has given me. When I receive Jesus in Holy Communion, I ask Him fervently to
deign to heal my tongue so that I would offend neither God nor neighbor by
it. I want my tongue to praise God without cease. Great are the faults
committed by the tongue. The soul will not attain sanctity if it does not
keep watch over its tongue.
94 O my Lord,
inflame my heart with love for You, that my spirit may not grow weary amidst
the storms, the sufferings and the trials. You see how weak I am. Love can do
all.
95 +A Deeper
Knowledge of God and the Terror of the Soul.
In the beginning, God lets himself be known as Holiness, Justice, Goodness - that is to say, Mercy. The soul does not come to know this all at once, but piecemeal, in flashes; that is to say, when God draws near. And this does not last for long, because the soul could not bear such light. During prayer the soul experiences flashes of this light which make it impossible to pray as before. Try as it may to force itself to pray as it did before, all is in vain; it becomes completely impossible for it to continue to pray as it did before it received this light. This light which has touched the soul is alive within it, and nothing can either quench or diminish it. This flash of the knowledge of God draws the soul and enkindles its love for Him. But this same flash, at the same time, allows the soul to know itself as it is; the soul sees its whole interior in a superior light, and it rises up alarmed and terrified. Still, it does not remain under the effects of terror, but it begins to purify itself, to humble and abase itself before the Lord. These lights become stronger and more frequent; the more the soul is crystallized, the more these lights penetrate it. However, if the soul has responded faithfully and courageously to these first graces, God fills it with His consolations and gives himself to it in a perceptible manner. At certain moments, the soul, as it were, enters into intimacy with God and greatly rejoices in this; it believes that it has already reached the degree of perfection destined for it, because its defects and faults are asleep within it, and this makes it think that they no longer exist. Nothing seems difficult for it; it is ready for everything. It begins to plunge itself into God and taste the divine delights. It is carried along by grace and does not take account of the fact that the time of trial and testing may come. And, in fact, this state does not last long. Other moments will soon come. I should add here, however, that the soul will respond more faithfully to divine grace if it has a well - informed confessor to whom it can confide everything.
97 Faith
staggers under the impact; the struggle is fierce. The soul tries hard to
cling to God by an act of will. With God's permission, Satan goes even
further: hope and love are put to the test. These temptations are terrible.
God supports the soul in secret, so to speak. The soul is not aware of this,
but otherwise it would be impossible to stand firm; and God knows very well
how much He can allow to befall a soul. The soul is tempted to unbelief in
respect to revealed truths and to insincerity toward the confessor. Satan
says to it, "Look, no one understands you; why speak about all
this?" Words that terrify it sound in its ears, and it seems to the soul
that it is uttering these against God. It sees what it does not want to see.
It hears what it does not want to hear. And, oh, it is a terrible thing at
times like these not to have an experienced confessor! The soul carries the
whole burden alone. However, one should make every effort to find, if it is
at all possible, a well-informed confessor, for the soul can collapse under
the burden and come to the very edge of the precipice. All these trials are
heavy and difficult. God does not send them to a soul which has not already
been admitted to a deeper intimacy with Him and which has not yet tasted the
divine delights. Besides, in this God has His own plans, which for us are
impenetrable. God often prepares a soul in this way for His future designs
and great works. He wants to try it as pure gold is tried. But this is not
yet the end of the testing; there is still the trial of trials, the complete
abandonment of the soul by God.
+ The Trial of
Trials, Complete Abandonment - Despair
98 When the soul comes out victorious from the preceding trials, even though it may stumble here and there, it fights on valiantly, humbly calling upon God, "Save me, I am perishing!" And it is still able to fight on. At this point, however, the soul is engulfed in a horrible night. It sees within itself only sin. It feels terrible. It sees itself completely abandoned by God. It feels itself to be the object of His hatred. It is but one step away from despair. The soul does its best to defend itself; it tries to stir up its confidence; but prayer is an even greater torment for it, as this prayer seems to arouse God to an even greater anger. The soul finds itself poised on the summit of a lofty mountain on the very brink of a precipice. The soul is drawn to God, but feels repulsed. All other sufferings and tortures in the world are as nothing compared with this sensation into which it has been plunged; namely, that of being rejected by God. No one can bring it any relief; it finds itself completely alone; there is no one to defend it. It raises its eyes to heaven, but is convinced that this is not for her-for her all is lost. It falls deeper and deeper from darkness to darkness, and it seems to it that it has lost forever the God it used to love so dearly. This thought is torture beyond all description. But the soul does not agree to it and tries to lift its gaze toward heaven, but in vain! And this makes the torture even more intense. If God wishes to keep the soul in such darkness, no one will be able to give it light. It experiences rejection by God in a vivid and terrifying manner. From its heart burst forth painful moans, so painful that no priest will comprehend it, unless he himself has been through these trials. In the midst of this, the evil spirit adds to the soul's suffering, mocking it: "Will you persist in your faithfulness? This is your reward; you are in our power!" But Satan has only as much influence over the soul as God allows him, and God knows how much we can bear. "What have you gotten out of your mortifications," says Satan, "and out of your fidelity to the rule? What use are all these efforts? You have been rejected by God!" This word, rejected, becomes a fire which penetrates every nerve to the marrow of the bone. It pierces right through her entire being. The ordeal reaches its climax. The soul no longer looks for help anywhere. It shrinks into itself and loses sight of everything; it is as though it has accepted the torture of being abandoned. This is a moment for which I have no words. This is the agony of the soul.
102 After some
time, one of the sisters came into the cell and found me almost dead. She was
frightened and went to find the Directress of Novices who, in the name of
holy obedience ordered me to get up from the ground. My strength returned
immediately, and I got up, trembling. The Directress recognized immediately
the state of my soul and spoke to me about the inscrutable mercy of God,
saying, "Do not be distressed about anything, Sister. I command this of
you in virtue of obedience." Then she said to me, "I see now,
Sister, that God is calling you to a high degree of holiness; the Lord wants
to draw you very close to Himself since He has allowed these things to happen
to you so soon. Be faithful to God, Sister, because this is a sign that He
wants you to have a high place in heaven." However, I did not understand
anything of these words. When I went into the chapel, I felt as though my
soul had been set free from everything, as though I had just come forth from
the hand of God. I perceived the inviolability of my soul; I felt that I was
a tiny child.
106 Though these
are frightening things, the soul should not be too fearful, because God will
never test us beyond what we are able to bear. On the other hand, He may
never send us such sufferings, but I write this because, if it pleases the
Lord to let a soul pass through such sufferings, it should not be afraid but,
insofar as this depends on the soul itself, it should remain faithful to God.
God will do a soul no harm, because He is Love itself, and in this
unfathomable love has called it into being. However, when I was so tormented,
I myself did not understand this.
107 O my God, I
have come to know that I am not of this earth; You, O Lord, have poured this
profound awareness into my soul. My communion is more with heaven than with
earth, though I in no way neglect my duties.
111 When, in the
midst of these interior torments, I tried to accuse myself in confession of
the smallest trifles, the priest was surprised that I had not committed
graver faults, and he said to me, "If you are as faithful as this to God
during these sufferings, this in itself is evidence to me that God is
sustaining you, Sister, with a special grace, and it is a good thing that you
do not understand this." It is a strange thing, nevertheless, that
confessors could neither understand me nor set my mind at peace concerning
these matters, until I met Father Andrasz and, later on, Father Sopocko.
114 +Oh, how
pleasing are the hymns flowing from a suffering soul! All heaven delights in
such a soul, especially when it is tested by God. It mournfully sings out its
longing for Him. Great is its beauty, because it comes from God. The soul
walks through the jungle of life, wounded by God's love. With one foot only
it touches the ground.
115 + When a
soul has come out of these tribulations, it is deeply humble. Its purity of
soul is great. It knows better without need of reflecting, as it were, what
it ought to do at a given moment and what to forbear. It feels the lightest
touch of grace and is very faithful to God. It recognizes God from afar and
continuously rejoices in Him. It discovers God very quickly in other souls
and in its environment in general. The soul has been purified by God himself.
God, as Pure Spirit, introduces the soul to a life which is purely spiritual.
God himself has first prepared and purified the soul; that is, He has made it
capable of close communion with himself. The soul, in a state of loving
repose, communes spiritually with the Lord. It speaks to God without the need
of expressing itself through the senses. God fills it with His light.
The enlightened mind sees clearly and distinguishes the various degrees of the spiritual life. It recognizes [that state] when its union with God was imperfect: where the senses were involved, and the spirit was linked with the senses in a manner-exalted and special, to be sure but not yet perfect. There is a higher and more perfect union with God; namely, intellectual union. Here, the soul is safer from illusions; its spirituality is purer and more profound. In a life where the senses are involved, there is more danger of illusion. Both for the soul and for its confessor, prudence must play a greater part. There are moments when God introduces the soul to a purely spiritual state. The senses dim and are seemingly dead. The soul is most closely united to God; it is immersed in the Deity; its knowledge is complete and perfect, not sporadic as before, but total and absolute. It rejoices in this. But I want to say more about those moments of trial; at those times the confessor must have patience with such a soul. But the soul must have even greater patience with itself.
129 Satan always
takes advantage of such moments; thoughts of discouragement began to rise to the
surface-for your faithfulness and sincerity-this is your reward. How can one
be sincere when one is so misunderstood? Jesus, Jesus, I cannot go on any
longer. Again I fell to the ground under this weight, and I broke out in a
sweat, and fear began to overcome me. I had no one to lean on interiorly.
Suddenly I heard a voice within my soul, Do not fear; I am with you. And
an unusual light illumined my mind, and I understood that I should not give
in to such sorrows. I was filled with a certain strength and left my cell
with new courage to suffer.
132 I must again
mention that there are some confessors who seem to be true spiritual fathers,
but only as long as things go well. When the soul finds itself in greater
need, they become perplexed, and either cannot or will not understand the
soul. They try to get rid of the person as soon as possible. But if the soul
is humble, it will always profit in some little way or other. God himself
will sometimes cast a shaft of light into the depths of the soul, because of
its humility and faith. The confessor will sometimes say something he had
never intended to say, without even realizing it himself. Oh, let the soul
believe that such words are the words of the Lord himself! Though indeed we
ought to believe that every word spoken in the confessional is God's, what I
have referred to above is something that comes directly from God. And the
soul perceives that the priest is not master of himself, that he is saying
things that he would rather not say. This is how God rewards faith.
I have experienced this many times myself. A certain very learned and respected priest [probably Father Wilkowski, the sisters' confessor at Plock], to whom I sometimes happened to go to confession, was always severe and opposed to these matters [which I brought up to him]. But on one occasion he replied to me, "Bear in mind, Sister, that if God is asking this of you, you should not oppose Him. God sometimes wants to be praised in just this way. Be at peace; what God has started, He will finish. But I say this to you: faithfulness to God and humility. And once again: humility. Bear well in mind what I have told you today." I was delighted, and I thought that perhaps this priest had understood me. But it so turned out that I never went to confession to him again.
136 And the Lord
gave me to know that the whole mystery depended on me, on my free consent to
the sacrifice given with full use of my faculties. In this free and conscious
act lies the whole power and value before His Majesty. Even if none of these
things for which I offered myself would ever happen to me, before the Lord
everything was as though it had already been consummated.
At that moment, I realized I was entering into communion with the incomprehensible Majesty. I felt that God was waiting for my word, for my consent. Then my spirit immersed itself in the Lord, and I said, "Do with me as You please. I subject myself to Your will. As of today, Your holy will shall be my nourishment, and I will be faithful to Your commands with the help of Your grace. Do with me as You please. I beg You, O Lord, be with me at every moment of my life."
138 A great
mystery has been accomplished between God and me. Courage and strength have
remained in my soul. When the time of adoration came to an end, I came out
and calmly faced everything I had feared so much before. When I came out into
the corridor, a great suffering and humiliation, at the hands of a certain
person, was awaiting me. I accepted it with submission to a higher will and
snuggled closely to the Most Sacred Heart of Jesus, letting Him know that I
was ready for that for which I had offered myself.
Suffering seemed to spring out of the ground. Even Mother Margaret herself was surprised. For others, many things passed unnoticed, for indeed it wasn't worth paying any attention to them; but in my case, nothing passed unnoticed; each word was analyzed, each step watched. One sister said to me, "Get ready, Sister, to receive a small cross at the hands of Mother Superior. I feel sorry for you." But as for me, I rejoiced at this in the depths of my soul and had been ready for it for a long time. When she saw my courage, she was surprised. I see now that a soul cannot do much of itself, but with God it can do all things. Behold what God's grace can do. Few are the souls that are always watchful for divine graces, and even fewer of such souls who follow those inspirations faithfully.
139 Still, a
soul which is faithful to God cannot confirm its own inspirations; it must
submit them to the control of a very wise and learned priest; and until it is
quite certain, it should remain distrustful. It should not, on its own
initiative alone, put its trust in these inspirations and all other higher
graces, because it can thus expose itself to great losses.
Even though a soul may immediately distinguish between false inspirations and those of God, it should nevertheless be careful, because many things are uncertain. God is pleased and rejoices when a soul distrusts Him for His own sake; because it loves Him, it is prudent and itself asks and searches for help to make certain that it is really God who is acting within it. And once a well-instructed confessor has confirmed this, the soul should be at peace and give itself up to God, according to His directions; that is, according to the directions of the confessor.
145 Oh, how
wretched my soul is for having wasted so many graces! I was running away from
God, and He pursued me with his graces. I most often experienced God's graces
when I least expected them. From the moment He gave me a spiritual director,
I have been more faithful to grace. Thanks to the director and his
watchfulness over my soul, I have learned what guidance means and how Jesus
looks at it. Jesus warned me of the least fault and stressed that He himself
judges the matter that I present to my confessor; and [He told me] that ... any
transgressions against the confessor touch Me myself.
When under his direction my soul began to experience deep recollection and peace, I often heard these words in my soul: Strengthen yourself for combat - repeated over and over at various times. +Jesus often makes known to me what He does not like in my soul, and He has more than once rebuked me for what seemed to be trifles, but which were, in fact, things of great importance. He has warned me and tried me like a Master. For many years He himself educated me, until the moment when He gave me a spiritual director. Previously, He himself had made clear to me what I did not understand; but now, He tells me to ask my confessor about everything and often says, I will answer you through his mouth. Be at peace. It has never happened to me that I have received an answer which was contrary to what the Lord wanted of me, when I presented it to the spiritual director [Father Sopocko]. It sometimes happens that Jesus first asks certain things of me, about which no one knows anything, and then, when I kneel at the confessional, my confessor gives me the same order-however, this is infrequent. +When, over a long period of time, a soul has received much light and many inspirations, and when the confessors have confirmed the source of these inspirations and set the soul at peace; if its love is great, Jesus now makes it known that it is time to put into action what it has received. The soul recognizes that God is counting on it, and this knowledge fortifies it. It knows that to be faithful it will often have to face various difficulties, but it trusts in God and, thanks to this trust, it reaches that point to which God is calling it. Difficulties do not terrify it; they are its daily bread, as it were. They do not frighten or terrify the soul, just as a warrior who is constantly in battle is not terrified by the roar of the cannon. Far from being frightened, it listens to determine from which side the enemy is launching his attack, in order to defeat him. It does nothing blindly, but examines and ponders everything deeply and, not counting on itself, it prays fervently and asks advice of other warriors who are experienced and wise. When the soul acts in this way, it nearly always wins. There are attacks when a soul has no time to think or seek advice; then it must enter into a life-or-death struggle. Sometimes it is good to flee for cover in the wound of the Heart of Jesus, without answering a single word. By this very act the enemy is already defeated. In time of peace, as well, the soul continues making efforts, just as in time of battle. It must exercise itself, and do so with energy; otherwise it has no chance of attaining victory. I regard the time of peace as a time of preparation for victory. The soul must be ever watchful; watchfulness and again, watchfulness. The soul that reflects receives much light. A distracted soul runs the risk of a fall, and let it not be surprised when it does fall. O Spirit of God, Director of the soul, wise is he whom You have trained! But for the Spirit of God to act in the soul, peace and recollection are needed.
146 Prayer.-A
soul arms itself by prayer for all kinds of combat. In whatever state the soul
may be, it ought to pray. A soul which is pure and beautiful must pray, or
else it will lose its beauty; a soul which is striving after this purity must
pray, or else it will never attain it; a soul which is newly converted must
pray, or else it will fall again; a sinful soul, plunged in sins, must pray
so that it might rise again. There is no soul which is not bound to pray, for
every single grace comes to the soul through prayer.
147 I recall
that I have received most light during adoration which I made lying prostrate
before the Blessed Sacrament for half an hour every day throughout Lent.
During that time I came to know myself and God more profoundly. And yet, even
though I had the superiors' permission to do so, I encountered many obstacles
to praying in such a way. Let the soul be aware that, in order to pray and
persevere in prayer, one must arm oneself with patience and cope bravely with
exterior and interior difficulties. The interior difficulties are
discouragement, dryness, heaviness of spirit and temptations. The exterior
difficulties are human respect and time; one must observe the time set apart
for prayer. This has been my personal experience because, when I did not pray
at the time assigned for prayer, later on I could not do it because of my
duties; or if I did manage to do so, this was only with great difficulty,
because my thoughts kept wandering off to my duties. I also experienced this
difficulty: when a soul has prayed well and left prayer in a state of
profound interior recollection, others resist its recollection; and so, the
soul must be patient to persevere in prayer. It often happened to me that
when my soul was more deeply immersed in God, and I had derived greater fruit
from prayer, and God's presence accompanied me during the day, and at work
there was more recollection and greater precision and effort at my duty, this
was precisely when I received the most rebukes for being negligent in my duty
and indifferent to everything; because less recollected souls want others to
be like them, for they are a constant [source of] remorse to them.
148 +A noble and
delicate soul, even the most simple, but one of delicate sensibilities, sees
God in everything, finds Him everywhere, and knows how to find Him in even
the most hidden things. It finds all things important, it highly appreciates
all things, it thanks God for all things, it draws profit for the soul from
all things, and it gives all glory to God. It places its trust in God and is
not confused when the time of ordeals comes. It knows that God is always the
best of Fathers and makes little of human opinion. It follows faithfully the
faintest breath of the Holy Spirit; it rejoices in this Spiritual Guest and
holds onto Him like a child to its mother. Where other souls come to a standstill
and fear, this soul passes on without fear or difficulty.
149 When the
Lord himself wants to be close to a soul and to lead it, He will remove
everything that is external. When I fell ill and was taken to the infirmary,
I suffered much unpleasantness because of this. There were two of us sick in
the infirmary. Sisters would come to see Sister N., but no one came to visit
me. It is true that there was only one infirmary, but each one had her own
cell. The winter nights were long, and Sister N. had the light and the radio
headphones, while I could not even prepare my meditation for lack of a light.
When nearly two weeks had passed in this way, I complained to the Lord one evening that I was suffering so much and that I could not even prepare my meditation because there was no light. And the Lord said that He would come every evening and give me the points for the next day's meditation. These points always concerned His sorrowful Passion. He would say, Consider My sufferings before Pilate. And thus, point by point, I meditated upon His sorrowful Passion for one week. From that moment, a great joy entered my soul, and I no longer wanted either the visitors or the light; Jesus sufficed me for everything. The superiors were indeed very solicitous for the sick, but the Lord ordained that I should feel forsaken. This best of masters withdraws every created thing in order that He himself might act. Many a time, I have experienced such sufferings and persecutions that Mother M. [probably Mother Margaret] herself said to me, "Sister, along your path, sufferings just spring up out of the ground. I look upon you, Sister, as one crucified. But I can see that Jesus has a hand in this. Be faithful to the Lord."
150 + I want to
write down a dream that I had about Saint Therese of the Child Jesus. I was
still a novice at the time and was going through some difficulties which I
did not know how to overcome. They were interior difficulties connected with
exterior ones. I made novenas to various saints, but the situation grew more
and more difficult. The sufferings it caused me were so great that I did not
know how to go on living, but suddenly the thought occurred to me that I
should pray to Saint Therese of the Child Jesus. I started a novena to this
Saint, because before entering the convent I had had a great devotion to her.
Lately I had somewhat neglected this devotion, but in my need I began again
to pray with great fervor.
On the fifth day of the novena, I dreamed of Saint Therese, but it was as if she were still living on earth. She hid from me the fact that she was a saint and began to comfort me, saying that I should not be worried about this matter, but should trust more in God. She said, "I suffered greatly, too," but I did not quite believe her and said, "It seems to me that you have not suffered at all." But Saint Therese answered me in a convincing manner that she had suffered very much indeed and said to me, "Sister, know that in three days the difficulty will come to a happy conclusion." When I was not very willing to believe her, she revealed to me that she was a saint. At that moment, a great joy filled my soul, and I said to her, "You are a saint?" "Yes," she answered, "I am a saint. Trust that this matter will be resolved in three days:" And I said, "Dear sweet Therese, tell me, shall I go to heaven?" And she answered, "Yes, you will go to heaven, Sister." "And will I be a saint?" To which she replied, "Yes, you will be a saint." "But, little Therese, shall I be a saint as you are, raised to the altar?" And she answered, "Yes, you will be a saint just as I am, but you must trust in the Lord Jesus." I then asked her if my mother and father would go to heaven, will [unfinished sentence] And she replied that they would. I further asked, "And will my brothers and sisters go to heaven?" She told me to pray hard for them, but gave me no definite answer. I understood that they were in need of much prayer. This was a dream. And as the proverb goes, dreams are phantoms; God is faith. Nevertheless, three days later the difficulty was solved very easily, just as she had said. And everything in this affair turned out exactly as she said it would. It was a dream, but it had its significance.
268 October 11,
1933.-Thursday.-I tried to make a Holy Hour, but began it with great
difficulty. A certain yearning started to tear at my heart. My mind was
dimmed so that I could not understand the simplest forms of prayer. And so
passed by an hour of prayer, or rather of struggle. I resolved to pray for a
second hour, but my inner sufferings increased-great dryness and
discouragement. I resolved to pray for a third hour. In the third hour, which
I resolved to spend kneeling without any support, my body started to clamor
for rest. But I in no way relented. I stretched out my arms and, though I
spoke no words, I persisted by sheer will. After a while, I took the ring off
my finger and asked Jesus to look at the ring, that sign of our eternal
union, and I offered Jesus the feelings I had had on the day of perpetual
vows. After a while, I feel my heart inundated with a wave of love. A sudden
recollection of spirit, the senses quiet down, and God's presence pervades my
soul. I know only this: that it is Jesus and I. I saw Him just as He had
appeared to me in that instant after my perpetual vows, when I was likewise
making a Holy Hour. Jesus was suddenly standing before me, stripped of His
clothes, His body completely covered with wounds, His eyes flooded with tears
and blood, His face disfigured and covered with spittle. The Lord then said
to me, The bride must resemble her Betrothed. I understood these words
to their very depth. There is no room for doubt here. My likeness to Jesus
must be through suffering and humility. See what love of human souls has
done to Me. My daughter, in your heart I find everything that so great a
number of souls refuses Me. Your heart is My repose. I often wait with great
graces until towards the end of prayer.
(Diary
of Sister Faustina Kowalska Notebook-I-17-18, 32, 41, 55, 62, 91-92, 94-95)
(Diary
of Sister Faustina Kowalska Notebook-I-97-98, 102, 106-107, 111, 114-115)
(Diary
of Sister Faustina Kowalska Notebook-I-129, 132, 136, 139, 145-150, 268)
http://www.saint-faustina.com/Diary/DMIMS10.shtml
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