Being Like God
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Friday of the Twentieth Week in Ordinary Time
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Father José LaBoy, LC
Matthew 22: 34-40
When the Pharisees heard that Jesus had silenced the Sadducees, they
gathered together, and one of them a scholar of the law tested him by asking,
"Teacher, which commandment in the law is the greatest?" He said to
him, "You shall love the Lord, your God, with all your heart, with all
your soul, and with all your mind. This is the greatest and the first
commandment. The second is like it: You shall love your neighbor as yourself.
The whole law and the prophets depend on these two commandments."
Introductory Prayer: Dear Lord, I believe in You,
because You have a plan for me that will bring me to be like You. I hope in You,
because Your example and Your grace give me the strength to be able to
identify my will with Yours. I love You, because only by loving You can I be
transformed into You and be holy.
Petition: Give me, Lord, the grace to practice charity faithfully.
1. Wanting What God Wants: What is true love? Quoting the
Roman historian, Sallust, Pope-Emeritus Benedict shows us what the authentic
content of love is: “To want the same thing, and to reject the same thing was
recognized by antiquity as the authentic content of love: the one becomes
similar to the other, and this leads to community of will and thought” (Deus
Caritas Est, 17). This quote helps us understand that to love is to
identify our will with God’s will. This leads us to be like God. This fact
corrects the error of our first parents who disobeyed God.
2. Love Has Two Dimensions: True love has two dimensions: love
for God and love for our neighbor. The first epistle of John, known as the
“Magna Carta” of charity, expresses frequently and clearly the close relationship
between them. One cannot exist without the other: “No one who fails to act in
righteousness belongs to God, nor anyone who does not love his brother” (1
John 3:10); “Beloved, let us love one another, because love is of God;
everyone who loves is begotten by God and knows God” (1 John 4:7); “Beloved,
if God so loved us, we also must love one another” (1 John 4:11); “If anyone
says, ‘I love God,’ but hates his brother, he is a liar; for whoever does not
love a brother whom he has seen cannot love God whom he has not seen. This is
the commandment we have from him: whoever loves God must also love his
brother” (1 John 4:20-21).
3. Loving Others: Loving God requires loving others. This is not
easy, especially in a world that highly esteems individualism and permits
stepping on others to get ahead. If loving others according to the Old
Testament requirement, “as you love yourself” is difficult, we can imagine
how difficult it is to love others according to Christ’s requirement, “as I
have loved you” (cf. John 13:34), which is a true Christian’s hallmark: “This
is how all will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one
another” (John 13:35). How many times do we judge only from appearances, or
judge people only by their physical traits or defects? It’s so easy to
comment on peoples’ defects, imperfections, and ways of acting; yet, it is so
difficult to praise constantly what is positive in them. One of the best ways
to love our neighbor is to seek charity in speech.
Petition: Dear Jesus, give me the grace to love others with all my effort and
good will. I want to contemplate You, Lord, so that I may learn from You how
to love them to the point of giving my life for them.
Resolution: I will practice charity towards others in a very concrete way.
Excerpts from the DIARY
of Saint Faustina Kowalska
57
O my Jesus, You are the life of my life. You know only too well that I long
for nothing but the glory of Your Name and that souls come to know Your
goodness. Why do souls avoid You, Jesus?-I don't understand that. Oh, if I
could only cut my heart into tiny pieces and in this way offer to You, O
Jesus, each piece as a heart whole and entire, to make up in part for the
hearts that do not love You! I love You, Jesus, with every drop of my blood,
and I would gladly shed my blood for You to give You a proof of the sincerity
of my love. O God, the more I know You the less I can comprehend You, but
this "non-comprehension" lets me realize how great You are! And it
is this impossibility of comprehending You which enflames my heart anew for
You, O Lord. From the moment when You let me fix the eyes of my soul on You,
O Jesus, I have been at peace and desired nothing else. I found my destiny at
the moment when my soul lost itself in You, the only object of my love. In
comparison with you, everything is nothing. Sufferings, adversities,
humiliations, failures and suspicions that have come my way are splinters
that keep alive the fire of my love for You, O Jesus.
My desires are mad and unattainable. I wish to conceal from You that I suffer. I want never to be rewarded for my efforts and my good actions. You yourself, Jesus, are my only reward; You are enough, O Treasure of my heart! I want to share compassionately in the sufferings of my neighbors and to conceal my own sufferings, not only from them, but also from You, Jesus. Suffering is a great grace; through suffering the soul becomes like the Savior; in suffering love becomes crystallized; the greater the suffering, the purer the love.
58
+One night, a sister who had died two months previously came to me. She was a
sister of the first choir. I saw her in a terrible condition, all in flames
with her face painfully distorted. This lasted only a short time, and then
she disappeared. A shudder went through my soul because I did not know
whether she was suffering in purgatory or in hell. Nevertheless I redoubled
my prayers for her. The next night she came again, but I saw her in an even
more horrible state, in the midst of flames which were even more intense, and
despair was written all over her face. I was astonished to see her in a worse
condition after the prayers I had offered for her, and I asked, "Haven't
my prayers helped you?" She answered that my prayers had not helped her
and that nothing would help her. I said to her, "And the prayers which
been any help to you?" She said no, that these prayers had helped some
other souls. I replied, "If my prayers are not helping you, Sister,
please stop coming to me." She disappeared at once. Despite this, I kept
on praying.
After some time she came back again to me during the night, but already her appearance had changed. There were no longer any flames, as there had been before, and her face was radiant, her eyes beaming with joy. She told me that I had a true love for my neighbor and that many other souls had profited from my prayers. She urged me not to cease praying for the souls in purgatory, and she added that she herself would not remain there much longer. How astounding are the decrees of God!
Darkness and Temptations
77 My mind became dimmed in a strange way; no truth seemed clear to me. When people spoke to me about God, my heart was like a rock. I could not draw from it a single sentiment of love for Him. When I tried, by an act of the will, to remain close to Him, I experienced great torments, and it seemed to me that I was only provoking God to an even greater anger. It was absolutely impossible for me to meditate as I had been accustomed to do in the past. I felt in my soul a great void, and there was nothing with which I could fill it. I began to suffer from a great hunger and yearning for God, but I saw my utter powerlessness. I tried to read slowly, sentence by sentence, and to meditate in this way, but this also was of no avail. I understood nothing of what I had read. The abyss of my misery was constantly before my eyes. Every time I entered the chapel for some spiritual exercise, I experienced even worse torments and temptations. More than once, all through Holy Mass, I had to struggle against blasphemous thoughts which were forcing themselves to my lips. I felt an aversion for the Holy Sacraments, and it seemed to me that I was not profiting from them in any way. It was only out of obedience to my confessor that I frequented them, and this blind obedience was for me the only path I could follow and my very last hope of survival. The priest explained to me that these were trials sent by God and that, in the situation I was in, not only was I not offending God, but I was most pleasing to Him. "This is a sign," he told me, "that God loves you very much and that He has great confidence in you, since He is sending you such trials." But these words brought me no comfort; it seemed to me that they did not apply to me at all. One thing did surprise me: it often happened that, at the time when I was suffering greatly, these terrible torments would disappear suddenly just as I was approaching the confessional; but as soon as I had left the confessional, all these torments would again seize me with even greater ferocity. I would then fall on my face before the Blessed Sacrament repeating these words: "Even if You kill me, still will I trust in You!" [cf. Job 13:15] It seemed to me that I would die in these agonies. But the most terrible thought for me was the conviction that I had been rejected by God. Then other thoughts came to me: why strive to acquire virtues and do good works? why mortify and annihilate yourself? what good is it to take vows? to pray? to sacrifice and immolate yourself? why sacrifice myself all the time? what good is it - if I am already rejected by God? why all these efforts? And here, God alone knew what was going on in my heart.
93 +A Short Version of the Catechism of the Vows[39]
Q. What is a vow? A. A vow is a voluntary promise made to God, to carry out a more perfect act. Q. Is a vow binding in a matter which is the object of a commandment? A. Yes. The carrying out of an act which is the object of a commandment has a double value and merit; and the neglect of such an act is a double transgression and evil, because by breaking such a vow we add to the sin against the commandment, the sin of sacrilege. Q. Why do religious vows have such value? A. Because they are the foundation of the religious life approved by the Church, in which the members bound together in a religious community undertake to strive always for perfection by means of the three religious vows of poverty, chastity and obedience, observed according to the rules. Q. What is the meaning of the words, "strive for perfection?" A. To strive for perfection means that the religious life does not in itself demand that perfection be already attained, but obliges, under the pain of sin, that we work daily to attain it. Therefore, a religious who does not want to become perfect neglects his principal duty of state. Q. What are "solemn" religious vows? A. " Solemn" religious vows are so absolute that, in extraordinary cases, only the Holy Father can dispense from them. Q. What are simple religious vows? A. These are vows which are less absolute - the Holy See dispenses from perpetual and annual vows. Q. What is the difference between a vow and a virtue? A. A vow pertains only to that which is commanded under pain of sin; the virtue goes beyond this and helps in the carrying out of the vow; on the other hand, by breaking the vow we fail in the virtue and do it damage. Q. To what do the religious vows oblige us? A. The religious vows oblige us to strive to acquire the virtues and to submit ourselves completely to our Superiors and to the Rules which are in force; thus the religious gives his own person to the Community, renouncing every right over himself and his actions, which he sacrifices to the service of God. The Vow of Poverty The vow of poverty is the voluntary renunciation of the right over property or to the use of such property with the purpose of pleasing God. Q. What objects does the vow of poverty concern? A. All those goods and those objects which appertain to the Community. We have no longer any right over anything that has been given to us, once it has been accepted, whether an article or money. All these donations and presents, which may have been given us out of gratitude or in any other way, belong by right to the Community. We cannot make use, without violating the vow, of any wages we may receive for work or even any annuity. Q. When do we break or violate the vow in a matter which entails the seventh commandment? A. We break or violate it when, without permission, we take for ourselves anything that belongs to the house; when, without permission, we retain something in order to appropriate it; and when, without authorization, we sell or exchange something that belongs to the Community. When we make use of an object for some other purpose than that intended by the Superior. When we give to, or accept from another, anything whatsoever without permission. When by negligence we destroy or damage something. When, in going from one house to another, we take something with us without permission. In a situation where the vow is broken, the religious is bound to restitution to the Community. The Virtue of Poverty This is an evangelical virtue which impels the heart to detach itself from temporal things; the religious, in virtue of his profession, is strictly obliged to it. Q. When do we sin against the virtue of poverty? When we desire something, contrary to this virtue. When we become attached to something, and when we make use of superfluous things. How many degrees of poverty are there and what are they? A. There are, in practice, four degrees of poverty for one who is a professed religious: to dispose of nothing without the consent of the Superiors (the strict matter of the vow); to avoid superfluities and be content with necessities (this pertains to the virtue); to readily content oneself with things of inferior quality in what concerns one's cell, clothing, nourishment, etc., and to experience this contentment interiorly; to rejoice in extreme poverty. The Vow of Chastity Q. To what does this vow oblige us? A. To renounce marriage and to avoid everything that is forbidden by the sixth and ninth commandments. Q. Is a fault against the virtue a violation of the vow? A. Every fault against the virtue is at the same time a violation of the vow, because here there is no difference, as in the case of poverty and obedience, between the vow and the virtue. Q. Is every bad thought a sin? A. No, every bad thought is not a sin; it becomes so only when the acquiescence of the will and consent are joined to the consideration of the mind. Q. Is there anything, over and above sins against chastity, which is detrimental to the virtue? A. Lack of custody of the senses, of the imagination, of the feelings; familiarity and sentimental friendships are detrimental to the virtue. Q. What are the means by which this virtue may be preserved? A. To conquer interior temptations with the thought of the presence of God, and moreover to fight without fear. And for exterior temptations, to avoid occasions. There are, in all, seven principal means: to guard the senses, to avoid occasions, to avoid idleness, to remove temptations promptly, to remove oneself from all - and especially particular friendships, the spirit of mortification, and to reveal all these temptations to one's confessor. Besides this, there are also five means of preserving this virtue: humility, the spirit of prayer, modesty of the eyes, fidelity to the rule, a sincere devotion to the Blessed Virgin Mary. The Vow of Obedience The vow of obedience is superior to the first two. It is, to tell the truth, a holocaust, and it is more necessary because it forms and animates the monastic body. Q. To what does the vow of obedience oblige us? A. By the vow of obedience, the religious promises to God to be obedient to his legitimate superiors in everything that they will ordain in virtue of the rule. The vow of obedience makes the religious dependent on his superior in virtue of these rules for his whole life and in all his affairs. A religious commits a grave sin against the vow every time he disobeys an order given in virtue of obedience and of these rules. The Virtue of Obedience The virtue of obedience goes further than the vow; it embraces the rules, the regulations and even the counsels of the superiors. Q. Is the virtue of obedience indispensable for a religious? A. The virtue of obedience is so indispensable to a religious that, even if he were to perform good actions contrary to obedience, these would be evil and without merit. Q. Can we sin gravely against the virtue of obedience? A. We sin gravely when we scorn the authority or the order of the superior, or when spiritual or temporal harm to the community results from our disobedience. Q. What faults endanger the vow? A. To be prejudiced against the superior, or to harbor an antipathy for him - murmuring and criticism, tardiness and negligence. The Degrees of Obedience Prompt and complete fulfillment - the obedience of the will, when the will persuades the intellect to submit to the advice of the superior. To facilitate obedience, Saint Ignatius suggests, moreover, three means: always to see God in our superior, whoever he might be; to justify in itself the order or advice of the superior; to accept each order as an order from God, without examining it or reflecting on it. General means: humility. Nothing is difficult for the humble.
96 +Trials sent by God to a soul which is particularly
loved by Him.
Temptations and darkness; Satan. The soul's love [for God] is still not such as God would have it. The soul suddenly loses the tangible perception of God's presence. Various defects and imperfections rise up within it, and it must fight them furiously. All her faults lift up their heads, but the soul's vigilance is great. The former awareness of the presence of God gives place to coldness and spiritual dryness; the soul has no taste for spiritual exercises; it cannot pray, either in the old way, or in the manner in which it had just begun to pray. It struggles this way and that, but can find no satisfaction. God has hidden himself from it, and it can find no consolation in creatures, nor can any of these creatures find a way of consoling it. The soul craves passionately for God, but sees its own misery; it begins to sense God's justice; it seems to it that it has lost all the gifts that God had given it; its mind is dimmed, and darkness fills it; unspeakable torment begins. The soul tries to explain its state to the confessor, but it is not understood and is assailed by an even greater unrest. Satan begins his work.
97 Faith
staggers under the impact; the struggle is fierce. The soul tries hard to
cling to God by an act of will. With God's permission, Satan goes even
further: hope and love are put to the test. These temptations are terrible.
God supports the soul in secret, so to speak. The soul is not aware of this,
but otherwise it would be impossible to stand firm; and God knows very well how
much He can allow to befall a soul. The soul is tempted to unbelief in
respect to revealed truths and to insincerity toward the confessor. Satan
says to it, "Look, no one understands you; why speak about all
this?" Words that terrify it sound in its ears, and it seems to the soul
that it is uttering these against God. It sees what it does not want to see.
It hears what it does not want to hear. And, oh, it is a terrible thing at
times like these not to have an experienced confessor! The soul carries the whole
burden alone. However, one should make every effort to find, if it is at all
possible, a well-informed confessor, for the soul can collapse under the
burden and come to the very edge of the precipice. All these trials are heavy
and difficult. God does not send them to a soul which has not already been
admitted to a deeper intimacy with Him and which has not yet tasted the
divine delights. Besides, in this God has His own plans, which for us are
impenetrable. God often prepares a soul in this way for His future designs
and great works. He wants to try it as pure gold is tried. But this is not
yet the end of the testing; there is still the trial of trials, the complete
abandonment of the soul by God.
+ The Trial of
Trials, Complete Abandonment - Despair
98 When the soul comes out victorious from the preceding trials, even though it may stumble here and there, it fights on valiantly, humbly calling upon God, "Save me, I am perishing!" And it is still able to fight on. At this point, however, the soul is engulfed in a horrible night. It sees within itself only sin. It feels terrible. It sees itself completely abandoned by God. It feels itself to be the object of His hatred. It is but one step away from despair. The soul does its best to defend itself; it tries to stir up its confidence; but prayer is an even greater torment for it, as this prayer seems to arouse God to an even greater anger. The soul finds itself poised on the summit of a lofty mountain on the very brink of a precipice. The soul is drawn to God, but feels repulsed. All other sufferings and tortures in the world are as nothing compared with this sensation into which it has been plunged; namely, that of being rejected by God. No one can bring it any relief; it finds itself completely alone; there is no one to defend it. It raises its eyes to heaven, but is convinced that this is not for her-for her all is lost. It falls deeper and deeper from darkness to darkness, and it seems to it that it has lost forever the God it used to love so dearly. This thought is torture beyond all description. But the soul does not agree to it and tries to lift its gaze toward heaven, but in vain! And this makes the torture even more intense. If God wishes to keep the soul in such darkness, no one will be able to give it light. It experiences rejection by God in a vivid and terrifying manner. From its heart burst forth painful moans, so painful that no priest will comprehend it, unless he himself has been through these trials. In the midst of this, the evil spirit adds to the soul's suffering, mocking it: "Will you persist in your faithfulness? This is your reward; you are in our power!" But Satan has only as much influence over the soul as God allows him, and God knows how much we can bear. "What have you gotten out of your mortifications," says Satan, "and out of your fidelity to the rule? What use are all these efforts? You have been rejected by God!" This word, rejected, becomes a fire which penetrates every nerve to the marrow of the bone. It pierces right through her entire being. The ordeal reaches its climax. The soul no longer looks for help anywhere. It shrinks into itself and loses sight of everything; it is as though it has accepted the torture of being abandoned. This is a moment for which I have no words. This is the agony of the soul.
101 Jesus, You
alone know how the soul, engulfed in darkness, moans in the midst of these
torments and, despite all this, thirsts for God as burning lips thirst for
water. It dies and withers; it dies a death without death; that is to say, it
cannot die. All its efforts come to nothing; it is under a powerful hand. Now
the soul comes under the power of the Just One. All exterior temptations
cease; all that surrounds it becomes silent, like a dying person who loses
contact with everything around it: the person's entire soul is in the hand of
the Just God, the Thrice-Holy God,-rejected for all eternity! This is the
culminating moment, and God alone can test a soul in this way, because He
alone knows what the soul can endure.
When the soul has been saturated through and through by this infernal fire, it is, as it were, cast headlong into great despair. My soul experienced this moment when I was all alone in my cell. When my soul began to sink into this despair, I felt that the end was near. But I seized my little crucifix and clutched it tightly in my hand. And now I felt my body separate itself from my soul; and though I wanted to go to my Superiors, I no longer had the physical strength. I uttered my last words: "I trust in Your Mercy!"-and it seemed to me that I provoked God to an even greater anger. And now I was drowned in despair, and all that was left me was a moan of unadulterated pain which, from time to time, tore itself from my soul. The soul is in agony-and it seemed to me that I would remain in this state, because by my own strength I could not emerge from it. Every recollection of God opened up an unspeakable ocean of suffering, and yet despite this there is something within the soul which is drawn to Him, though it seems to her for this only-that she suffer more. The memory of the love with which God formerly surrounded it is still another kind of suffering. His gaze pierces it, and everything within the soul is burned by this gaze.
116 My Jesus, You know what my soul goes
through at the recollection of these sufferings. I have often marvelled that
the angels and saints hold their peace at the sight of a soul suffering like
that. Yet they have special love for us at such moments. My soul has often
cried out after God, as a little child who cries as loudly as he can when his
mother covers her face and he cannot recognize her. O my Jesus, honor and
glory to You for these trials of love! Great and incomprehensible is your
mercy. All that You intended for my soul, O Lord, is steeped in Your mercy.
118 The tongue is a small member, but it
does big things. A religious who does not keep silence will never attain
holiness; that is, she will never become a saint. Let her not delude
herself-unless it is the Spirit of God who is speaking through her, for then
she must not keep silent. But, in order to hear the voice of God, one has to
have silence in one's soul and to keep silence; not a gloomy silence, but an
interior silence; that is to say, recollection in God. One can speak a great
deal without breaking silence and, on the contrary, one can speak little and
be constantly breaking silence. Oh, what irreparable damage is done by the
breach of silence! We cause a lot of harm to our neighbor, but even more to
our own selves.
In my opinion, and according to my
experience, the rule concerning silence should stand in the very first place.
God does not give himself to a chattering soul which, like a drone in a
beehive, buzzes around but gathers no honey. A talkative soul is empty inside.
It lacks both the essential virtues and intimacy with God. A deeper interior
life, one of gentle peace and of that silence where the Lord dwells, is quite
out of the question. A soul that has never tasted the sweetness of inner
silence is a restless spirit which disturbs the silence of others. I have
seen many souls in the depths of hell for not having kept their silence; they
told me so themselves when I asked them what was the cause of their undoing.
These were souls of religious. My God, what an agony it is to think that not
only might they have been in heaven, but they might even have become saints!
O Jesus, have mercy!
140 Pure love is capable of great
deeds, and it is not broken by difficulty or adversity. As it remains strong
in the midst of great difficulties, so too it perseveres in the toilsome and
drab life of each day. It knows that only one thing is needed to please God:
to do even the smallest things out of great love-love, and always love.
Pure love never errs. Its light is strangely plentiful. It will not do anything that might displease God. It is ingenious at doing what is more pleasing to God, and no one will equal it. It is happy when it can empty itself and burn like a pure offering. The more it gives of itself, the happier it is. But also, no one can sense dangers from afar as can love; it knows how to unmask and also knows with whom it has to deal.
147 I recall
that I have received most light during adoration which I made lying prostrate
before the Blessed Sacrament for half an hour every day throughout Lent.
During that time I came to know myself and God more profoundly. And yet, even
though I had the superiors' permission to do so, I encountered many obstacles
to praying in such a way. Let the soul be aware that, in order to pray and
persevere in prayer, one must arm oneself with patience and cope bravely with
exterior and interior difficulties. The interior difficulties are
discouragement, dryness, heaviness of spirit and temptations. The exterior
difficulties are human respect and time; one must observe the time set apart
for prayer. This has been my personal experience because, when I did not pray
at the time assigned for prayer, later on I could not do it because of my
duties; or if I did manage to do so, this was only with great difficulty,
because my thoughts kept wandering off to my duties. I also experienced this
difficulty: when a soul has prayed well and left prayer in a state of
profound interior recollection, others resist its recollection; and so, the
soul must be patient to persevere in prayer. It often happened to me that
when my soul was more deeply immersed in God, and I had derived greater fruit
from prayer, and God's presence accompanied me during the day, and at work
there was more recollection and greater precision and effort at my duty, this
was precisely when I received the most rebukes for being negligent in my duty
and indifferent to everything; because less recollected souls want others to
be like them, for they are a constant [source of] remorse to them.
163 JMJ The Year 1937
General Exercises
+O Most Holy Trinity! As many times as I
breathe, as many times as my heart beats, as many times as my blood pulsates
through my body, so many thousand times do I want to glorify Your mercy.
+I want to be completely transformed into
Your mercy and to be Your living reflection, O Lord. May the greatest of all
divine attributes, that of Your unfathomable mercy, pass through my heart and
soul to my neighbor.
Help me, O Lord, that my eyes may be
merciful, so that I may never suspect or judge from appearances, but look for
what is beautiful in my neighbors' souls and come to their rescue.
Help me, that my ears may be merciful, so
that I may give heed to my neighbors' needs and not be indifferent to their
pains and moaning. Help me, O Lord, that my tongue may be merciful, so that I
should never speak negatively of my neighbor, but have a word of comfort and
forgiveness for all.
Help me, O Lord, that my hands may be
merciful and filled with good deeds, so that I may do only good to my
neighbors and take upon myself the more difficult and toilsome tasks.
Help me, that my feet may be merciful, so
that I may hurry to assist my neighbor, overcoming my own fatigue and
weariness. My true rest is in the service of my neighbor.
Help me, O Lord, that my heart may be
merciful so that I myself may feel all the sufferings of my neighbor. I will
refuse my heart to no one. I will be sincere even with those who, I know,
will abuse my kindness. And I will lock myself up in the most merciful Heart
of Jesus. I will bear my own suffering in silence. May Your mercy, O Lord,
rest upon me.
+You yourself command me to exercise the
three degrees of mercy. The first: the act of mercy, of whatever kind. The
second: the word of mercy-if I cannot carry out a work of mercy, I will
assist by my words. The third: prayer-if I cannot show mercy by deeds or
words, I can always do so by prayer. My prayer reaches out even there where I
cannot reach out physically.
O my Jesus, transform me into Yourself, for
you can do all things.
173 Satan's
temptations during meditation. I felt a strange fear that the priest would
not
understand me, or
that he would have no time to hear everything I would have to say. How am I
going to tell him all this? If it were Father Bukowski I could do it more
easily, but this Jesuit whom I am seeing for the first time... Then I
remembered Father Bukowski's advice that I should at least take brief notes
of the lights sent to me by God during the retreats and give him at least a
brief report on them. My God, for a day and a half all has gone well, and now
a life and death struggle is beginning. The conference is to start in a half
hour, and then I am to go to confession. Satan tried to persuade me into
believing that if my superiors have told me that my inner life is an
illusion, why should I ask again and trouble the confessor? Didn't MX
[probably Mother Jane] tell you that the Lord Jesus does not commune with
souls as miserable as yours? This confessor is going to tell you the same thing.
Why speak to him about all this? These are not sins, and Mother X, told you
that all this communing with the Lord Jesus was daydreaming and pure
hysteria. So why tell it to this confessor? You would do better to dismiss
all this as illusions. Look how many humiliations you have suffered because
of them, and how many more are still awaiting you, and all the sisters know
that you are a hysteric. "Jesus!" I called out with all the
strength of my soul.
216 We have come to Cracow today [April 18,
1933]. What a joy it is to find myself again where I took my first steps in
the spiritual life! Dear Mother Directress [Mary Joseph] is ever the same,
cheerful and full of love of neighbor. I entered the chapel for a moment and
joy filled my soul. In a flash I recalled the whole ocean of graces that had
been given me as a novice here.
241 Love of neighbor. First: Helpfulness
towards the sisters. Second: Do not speak about those who are absent, and
defend the good name of my neighbor. Third: Rejoice in the success of others.
267 Jesus told me that I please
Him best by meditating on His sorrowful Passion, and by such meditation much
light falls upon my soul. He who wants to learn true humility should reflect
upon the Passion of Jesus. When I meditate upon the Passion of Jesus, I get a
clear understanding of many things I could not comprehend before. I want to
resemble You, O Jesus,-You crucified, tortured and humiliated. Jesus, imprint
upon my heart and soul Your own humility. I love You, Jesus, to the point of
madness, You who were crushed with suffering as described by the prophet [cf.
Isaiah 53:2-9], as if he could not see the human form in You because of Your
great suffering. It is in this condition, Jesus, that I love You to the point
of madness. O eternal and infinite God, what has love done to You?...
275
Jesus loves hidden souls. A hidden flower is the most fragrant. I must strive
to make the interior of my soul a resting place for the Heart of Jesus. In
difficult and painful moments, O my Creator, I sing You a hymn of trust, for
bottomless is the abyss of my trust in You and in Your mercy!
278 At the feet of the Lord.
Hidden Jesus, Eternal Love, our Source of Life, Divine Madman, in that You
forget yourself and see only us. Before creating heaven and earth, You
carried us in the depths of Your Heart. O Love, O depth of Your abasement, O
mystery of happiness, why do so few people know You? Why is Your love not
returned? O Divine Love, why do You hide Your beauty? O Infinite One beyond
all understanding, the more I know You the less I comprehend You; but because
I cannot comprehend You, I better comprehend Your greatness. I do not envy
the Seraphim their fire, for I have a greater gift deposited in my heart.
They admire You in rapture, but Your Blood mingles with mine. Love is heaven
given us already here on earth. Oh, why do You hide in faith? Love tears away
the veil. There is no veil before the eye of my soul, for You yourself have
drawn me into the bosom of secret love forever. Praise and glory be to You, O
Indivisible Trinity, One God, unto ages of ages!
279 God made known to me what true love
consists in and gave light to me about how, in practice, to give proof of it
to Him. True love of God consists in carrying out God's will. To show God our
love in what we do, all our actions, even the least, must spring from our
love of God. And the Lord said to me, My child, you please Me most by
suffering. In your physical as well as your mental sufferings, My daughter,
do not seek sympathy from creatures. I want the fragrance of your suffering
to be pure and unadulterated. I want you to detach yourself, not only from
creatures, but also from yourself. My daughter, I want to delight in the love
of your heart, a pure love, virginal, unblemished, untarnished. The more you
will come to love suffering, My daughter, the purer your love for Me will be.
281 I
feel certain that my mission will not come to an end upon my death, but will
begin. O doubting souls, I will draw aside for you the veils of heaven to
convince you of God's goodness, so that you will no longer continue to wound
with your distrust the sweetest Heart of Jesus. God is Love and Mercy.
282 Once
the Lord said to me, My Heart was
moved by great mercy towards you, My dearest child, when I saw you torn to
shreds because of the great pain you suffered in repenting for your sins. I
see your love, so pure and true that I give you first place among the
virgins. You are the honor and glory of My Passion. I see every abasement of
your soul, and nothing escapes my attention. I lift up the humble even to my
very throne, because I want it so.
283 I want to love You as no human
soul has ever loved You before; and although I am utterly miserable and
small, I have nevertheless cast the anchor of my trust deep down into the abyss
of Your mercy, O my God and Creator! In spite of my great misery I fear
nothing, but hope to sing You a hymn of glory forever. Let no soul, even the
most miserable, fall prey to doubt; for, as long as one is alive, each one
can become a great saint, so great is the power of God's grace. It remains
only for us not to oppose God's action.
287 +My Jesus, when I look at this
life of souls, I see that many of them serve You with some mistrust. At
certain times, especially when there is an opportunity to show their love for
God, I see them running away from the battlefield. And once Jesus said to me,
Do you, my child, also want to act like that? I answered the Lord,
"Oh, no, my Jesus, I will not retreat from the battlefield, even if
mortal sweat breaks out on my brow; I will not let the sword fall from my
hand until I rest at the feet of the Holy Trinity!" Whatever I do, I do
not rely on my own strength, but on God's grace. With God's grace a soul can
overcome the greatest difficulties.
294 +Once the Lord said to me, Act like a
beggar who does not back away when he gets more alms [than he asked for], but
offers thanks the more fervently. You too should not back away and say that
you are not worthy of receiving greater graces when I give them to you. I know
you are unworthy, but rejoice all the more and take as many treasures from My
Heart as you can carry, for then you will please Me more. And I will tell you
one more thing: Take these graces not only for yourself, but also for others;
that is, encourage the souls with whom you come in contact to trust in My
infinite mercy. Oh, how I love those souls who have complete confidence in
Me. I will do everything for them.
296 +O Supreme Good, I want to love You as
no one on earth has ever loved You before! I want to adore You with every
moment of my life and unite my will closely to Your holy will. My life is not
drab or monotonous, but it is varied like a garden of fragrant flowers, so
that I don't know which flower to pick first, the lily of suffering or the rose
of love of neighbor or the violet of humility. I will not enumerate these
treasures in which my every day abounds. It is a great thing to know how to
make use of the present moment.
343 True love is
measured by the thermometer of suffering. Jesus, I thank You for the little
daily crosses, for opposition to my endeavors, for the hardships of communal
life, for the misinterpretation of my intentions, for humiliations at the
hands of others, for the harsh way in which we are treated, for false
suspicions, for poor health and loss of strength, for self-denial, for dying
to myself, for lack of recognition in everything, for the upsetting of all my
plans.
Thank You, Jesus, for interior sufferings, for dryness of spirit, for terrors, fears and incertitudes, for the darkness and the deep interior night, for temptations and various ordeals, for torments too difficult to describe, especially for those which no one will understand, for the hour of death with its fierce struggle and all its bitterness. I thank You, Jesus, You who first drank the cup of bitterness before You gave it to me, in a much milder form. I put my lips to this cup of Your holy will. Let all be done according to Your good pleasure; let that which Your wisdom ordained before the ages be done to me. I want to drink the cup to its last drop, and not seek to know the reason why. In bitterness is my joy, in hopelessness is my trust. In You, O Lord, all is good, all is a gift of Your paternal Heart. I do not prefer consolations over bitterness or bitterness over consolations, but thank You, O Jesus, for everything! It is my delight to fix my gaze upon You, O incomprehensible God! My spirit abides in these mysterious dwelling places, and there I am at home. I know very well the dwelling place of my Spouse. I feel there is not a single drop of blood in me that does not burn with love for You. O Uncreated Beauty, whoever comes to know You once cannot love anything else. I can feel the bottomless abyss of my soul, and nothing will fill it but God himself. I feel that I am drowned in Him like a single grain of sand in a bottomless ocean.
375 Particular interior practice; that is,
the examination of conscience. Self-denial, denial of my own will.
I. The denial of my reason. Subjecting it
to the reason of those who represent God to me here on earth.
II. The denial of my will. Doing the will
of God, which is revealed in the will of those who represent God to me and
which is contained in the rule of our order.
III. The denial of my judgment. Accepting
immediately and without reflection, analysis or reasoning all orders given by
those who represent God to me.
IV. The denial of my tongue. I will not
give it the least bit of freedom; but in one case only I will give it
complete freedom; that is, in proclaiming the glory of God. Whenever I
receive Holy Communion, I will ask Jesus to fortify and cleanse my tongue
that I may not injure my neighbor with it. That is why I have the greatest
respect for the rule which speaks about silence.
383 At the beginning of the retreat, I saw,
on the ceiling of the chapel, Jesus nailed to the Cross. He was looking at
the sisters with great love, but not at all of them. There were three sisters
at whom Jesus looked severely, for what reasons I do not know. I only know
what a terrible thing it is to meet with such a look, which is the look of a
severe Judge. That look was not directed at me, and yet I was paralyzed with
terror. I still tremble as I write these words. I did not dare to say so much
as a single word to Jesus. My physical strength failed me, and I thought I
would not live to the end of the conference. The next day, I saw the same
thing again, just as I had seen it the first time, and this time I dared to
speak these words: "Jesus, how great is Your mercy!"
On the third day, that gaze of great
kindness upon all the sisters, except the three, was again repeated. I
gathered up my courage, which drew its force from love of neighbor, and I
said to the Lord, "You, who are Mercy Itself, as You yourself told me, I
beg You by the power of Your mercy, to look then with kindness at these three
sisters as well. And if this is not in accord with Your wisdom, I ask You for
an exchange: turn to them the kind look meant for my soul, and let Your
severe gaze at their souls be turned on me." Jesus then said to me these
words: My daughter, for the sake of your sincere and generous love, I grant
them many graces although they are not asking Me for them. But I am doing so
because of the promise I have made to you. And at that moment, He turned a
merciful look towards those three sisters as well. My heart leapt with joy to
see the goodness of God.
549 Work. As poor persons, the nuns
themselves will do all the work in the convent. Each one should be glad when
she is given some work which is humbling or which goes against her nature, as
that will greatly help her interior formation. The superior will often change
the sisters' duties, and in this way help them to detach themselves
completely from the little details to which women have a great attachment.
Truly, I often find it amusing to see with my own eyes souls who have
forsaken really great things only to attach themselves to fiddle faddle; that
is, trifles. Each sister, including even the superior, shall work in the
kitchen for a month. Every one should take a turn at every chore which is to
be done in the convent.
571 O
my Jesus, Eternal Truth, I fear nothing, neither hardships nor sufferings; I
fear only one thing, and that is to offend You. My Jesus, I would rather not
exist than make You sad. Jesus, You know that my love knows no one but You.
My soul is absorbed in You.
590 When I receive Holy Communion, I
entreat and beg the Savior to heal my tongue, that I may never fail in love
of neighbor.
692 + O Jesus, I understand that Your mercy
is beyond all imagining, and therefore I ask You to make my heart so big that
there will be room in it for the needs of all the souls living on the face of
the earth. O Jesus, my love extends beyond the world, to the souls suffering
in purgatory, and I want to exercise mercy toward them by means of
indulgenced prayers. God's mercy is unfathomable and inexhaustible, just as
God himself is unfathomable. Even if I were to use the strongest words there
are to express this mercy of God, all this would be nothing in comparison
with what it is in reality. O Jesus, make my heart sensitive to all the
sufferings of my neighbor, whether of body or of soul. O my Jesus, I know
that You act toward us as we act toward our neighbor.
My Jesus, make my heart like unto Your merciful
Heart. Jesus, help me to go through life doing good to everyone.
700 + Once, when I was very tired and in
much pain, I told Mother Superior [Irene] about it and received the answer
that I should get used to suffering. I listened to everything that Mother
told me, and then I went out. Our Mother Superior has great love of neighbor
and especially great love for the sick sisters, as everyone knows. And yet,
as regards me, it is extraordinary that the Lord Jesus has permitted that she
not understand me and that she test me much in this respect.
704 I spend every free moment at the feet
of the hidden God. He is my Master; I ask Him about everything; I speak to
Him about everything. Here I obtain strength and light; here I learn
everything; here I am given light on how to act toward my neighbor. From the
time I left the novitiate, I have enclosed myself in the tabernacle together
with Jesus, my Master. He himself drew me into the fire of living love on
which everything converges.
742 My daughter, if I demand through you
that people revere My mercy, you should be the first to distinguish yourself
by this confidence in My mercy. I demand from you deeds of mercy, which are
to arise out of love for Me. You are to show mercy to your neighbors always
and everywhere. You must not shrink from this or try to excuse or absolve
yourself from it.
I am giving you three ways of exercising
mercy toward your neighbor: the first-by deed, the second-by word, the
third-by prayer. In these three degrees is contained the fullness of mercy,
and it is an unquestionable proof of love for Me. By this means a soul
glorifies and pays reverence to My mercy. Yes, the first Sunday after Easter
is the Feast of Mercy, but there must also be acts of mercy, and I demand the
worship of My mercy through the solemn celebration of the Feast and through
the veneration of the image which is painted. By means of this image I shall
grant many graces to souls. It is to be a reminder of the demands of My
mercy, because even the strongest faith is of no avail without works. O my
Jesus, You yourself must help me in everything, because You see how very
little I am, and so I depend solely on Your goodness, O God.
+ Particular Examen
Union with the merciful Christ. With my
heart I encompass the whole world, especially countries which are uncivilized
or where there is persecution. I am praying for mercy upon them.
791 Hide me, Jesus, in the depths of Your
mercy, and then let my neighbor judge me as he pleases.
856 During the morning meditation, I felt
an aversion and a repugnance for all created things. Everything pales before
my eyes; my spirit is detached from all things. I desire only God himself,
and yet I must live. This is a martyrdom beyond description. God imparts
himself to the soul in a loving way and draws it into the infinite depths of
His divinity, but at the same time He leaves it here on earth for the sole
purpose that it might suffer and die of longing for Him. And this strong love
is so pure that God himself finds pleasure in it; and self-love has no access
to its deeds, for here everything is totally saturated with bitterness, and
thus is totally pure. Life is a continuous dying, painful and terrible, and
at the same time it is the depth of true life and of inconceivable happiness
and the strength of the soul; and because of this, [the soul] is capable of
great deeds for the sake of God.
861 Particular examen: remains the same;
namely, to unite myself with the Merciful Christ (that is; what would Christ
do in such and such a case?) and, in spirit, to embrace the whole world,
especially Russia and Spain.
General resolutions.
I. Strict observance of silence - interior
silence.
II. To see the image of God in every
sister; all love of neighbor must flow from this motive.
III. To do the will of God faithfully at
every moment of my life and to live by this.
IV. To give a faithful account of
everything to the spiritual director and not to undertake anything of
importance without a clear understanding with him. I shall try to clearly lay
bare to him the most secret depths of my soul, bearing in mind that I am
dealing with God himself, and that His representative is just a human being,
and so I must pray daily that he be given light.
V. During the evening examination of
conscience, I am to ask myself the question: What if He were to call me
today?
VI. Not to look for God far away, but
within my own being to abide with Him alone.
VII. In sufferings and torments, to take
refuge in the tabernacle and to be silent.
VIII. To join all sufferings, prayers,
works and mortifications to the merits of Jesus in order to obtain mercy for
the world.
IX. To use free moments, however short, for
prayers for the dying.
X. There must not be a day in my life when
I do not recommend to the Lord the works of our Congregation. Never have
regard for what others think of you [for human respect].
XI. Have no familiar relationships with
anyone. Gentle firmness toward the girls, boundless patience; punish them
severely but with such punishments as these: prayer and self-sacrifice. The
strength that is in the emptying of myself for their sake is for them a
[source of] constant remorse and the softening of their obdurate hearts.
XII. The presence of God is the basis of
all my thoughts, words and deeds.
XIII. To take advantage of all spiritual
help. To always put self-love in its proper place; namely, the last. To
perform my spiritual exercises as though I were doing them for the last time
in my life, and in like manner to carry out all my duties.
871 + My Master, cause my heart never to
expect help from anyone, but I will always strive to bring assistance,
consolation and all manner of relief to others. My heart is always open to
the sufferings of others; and I will not close my heart to the sufferings of
others, even though because of this I have been scornfully nicknamed
"dump"; that is, [because] everyone dumps his pain into my heart.
[To this] I answered that everyone has a place in my heart and I, in return,
have a place in the Heart of Jesus. Taunts regarding the law of love will not
narrow my heart. My soul is always sensitive on this point, and Jesus alone
is the motive for my love of neighbor.
944 + There are moments when I mistrust
myself, when I feel my own weakness and wretchedness in the most profound
depths of my own being, and I have noticed that I can endure such moments
only by trusting in the infinite mercy of God. Patience, prayer and
silence-these are what give strength to the soul. There are moments when one
should be silent, and when it would be inappropriate to talk with creatures;
these are the moments when one is dissatisfied with oneself, and when the
soul feels as weak as a little child. Then the soul clings to God with all
its might. At such times, I live solely by faith, and when I feel
strengthened by God's grace, then I am more courageous in speaking and
communicating with my neighbors.
1039 + I suffer great pain at the sight of
the sufferings of others. All these sufferings are reflected in my heart. I
carry their torments in my heart so that it even wears me out physically. I
would like all pains to fall upon me so as to bring relief to my neighbor.
1662 + O Christ, suffering for You is the
delight of my heart and my soul. Prolong my sufferings to infinity, that I
may give You a proof of my love. I accept everything that Your hand will hold
out to me. Your love, Jesus, is enough for me. I will glorify You in
abandonment and darkness, in agony and fear, in pain and bitterness, in
anguish of spirit and grief of heart. In all things may You be blessed. My
heart is so detached from the earth, that You Yourself are enough for me.
There is no longer any moment in my life for self concern.
1663
Holy Thursday [April 14, 1938]. Today I felt strong enough to take part in
the ceremonies of the Church. During Holy Mass, Jesus stood before me and
said, Look into My Heart and see there the love and mercy which I have for
humankind, and especially for sinners. Look, and enter into My Passion. In an
instant, I experienced and lived through the whole Passion of Jesus in my own
heart. I was surprised that these tortures did not deprive me of my life.
1664 During adoration, Jesus said to me, My
daughter, know that your ardent love and the compassion you have for Me were
a consolation to Me in the Garden [of Olives].
1665 During Holy Hour in the evening, I
heard the words, You see My mercy for sinners, which at this moment is
revealing itself in all its power. See how little you have written about it;
it is only a single drop. Do what is in your power, so that sinners may come
to know My goodness.
(Diary
of Sister Faustina Kowalska Notebook-I-57-58, 77, 93, 96-98, 101 116, 118)
(Diary
of Sister Faustina Kowalska Notebook-I-140, 147, 173, 163, 216, 241, 267, 275)
(Diary
of Sister Faustina Kowalska Notebook-I-278-279, 281, 287, 282-283, 294, 296)
(Diary
of Sister Faustina Kowalska Notebook-I-343, 375, 383)
(Diary
of Sister Faustina Kowalska Notebook-II-549, 571, 590, 692, 700, 704, 742)
(Diary
of Sister Faustina Kowalska Notebook-II-791, 856, 861, 871, 944)
(Diary
of Sister Faustina Kowalska Notebook-III-1029, 1039)
(Diary
of Sister Faustina Kowalska Notebook-VI-1662-1663)
http://www.saint-faustina.com/Diary/DMIMS10.shtml
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