Few Feel at Home
Fifth Sunday of Easter
Father Patrick Langan,
LC
John 14: 1-12
John 14: 1-12
"Do not let your hearts be troubled. Believe in God, believe also in me. In my Father´s house there are many dwelling places. If it were not so, would I have told you that I go to prepare a place for you? And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come again and will take you to myself, so that where I am, there you may be also. And you know the way to the place where I am going." Thomas said to him, "Lord, we do not know where you are going. How can we know the way?" Jesus said to him, "I am the way, and the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me. If you know me, you will know my Father also. From now on you do know him and have seen him." Philip said to him, "Lord, show us the Father, and we will be satisfied." Jesus said to him, "Have I been with you all this time, Philip, and you still do not know me? Whoever has seen me has seen the Father. How can you say, ´Show us the Father´? Do you not believe that I am in the Father and the Father is in me? The words that I say to you I do not speak on my own; but the Father who dwells in me does his works. Believe me that I am in the Father and the Father is in me; but if you do not, then believe me because of the works themselves. Very truly, I tell you, the one who believes in me will also do the works that I do and, in fact, will do greater works than these, because I am going to the Father.
Introductory Prayer: Lord, thank You for allowing me to spend this time with You. There are things in life, Lord, that attract me, but You attract me more. I hope in You, and I love You. Maybe I don’t really understand what it means to love, and maybe I don’t love the way I should, but I do love You.
Petition: Lord, help me to be patient and to accept Your timing.
1. Nostalgia: Few of us feel at home in this world. We are exiles, often homesick, waiting for news from a faraway land. We have heard of this land many times, but have never seen it. To compensate for our homesick emptiness, we work hard to fill our existence with material goods. When we have them, we suffer from boredom. When we don’t, we suffer from ambition. “Vanity of vanities and all things are vanity!” (Ecclesiastes 1:2). We long for something that can fill that emptiness.
2. Right Now: Lord Jesus, I know that you are hidden behind the veil of the Eucharist and that you are in your Father’s house. In your Father’s house there are many rooms. Right now, as I pray, you are preparing a place for me. Lord, may I tell you how I would like my room to be? (Imagine being an interior decorator and being able to make that room any way you like.)
3. One Day: One day, when I least expect it, you will come and take me home. When I get there, I will know it is the place I have been mysteriously longing for all my life. In some way it will be as I imagined, and yet, it will be different. It will be a place of no more nostalgia, no more pining. I will be able to meet many friends there again. Each day will get better and better. Yes, it is important to dream about that day and what it will be like, because that keeps me motivated in my struggle to attain eternal life.
Conversation with Christ: Meanwhile, Lord, I am here, right here, and I have work to do. Some of today’s tasks don’t excite me; however, I will do them for You. In those moments of my day when I don’t feel You, I wait. I know You are coming.
Resolution: I will be patient and accept the Lord’s timing, because those who love learn the hard lesson of waiting.
Excerpts from the DIARY of Saint
Faustina Kowalska
24
One day, just as I had awakened, when I was putting myself in the presence of
God, I was suddenly overwhelmed by despair. Complete darkness in the soul. I
fought as best I could till noon. In the afternoon, truly deadly fears began to
seize me; my physical strength began to leave me. I went quickly to my cell,
fell on my knees before the Crucifix and began to cry out for mercy. But Jesus
did not hear my cries. I felt my physical strength leave me completely. I fell
to the ground, despair flooding my whole soul. I suffered terrible tortures in
no way different from the torments of hell. I was in this state for three
quarters of an hour. I wanted to go and see the Directress, but was too weak. I
wanted to shout but I had no voice. Fortunately, one of the sisters [another
novice, Sister Placida Putyra] came into my cell. Finding me in such a strange
condition, she immediately told the Directress about it. Mother came at once.
As soon as she entered the cell she said, "In the name of holy obedience [16] get up from the ground." Immediately
some force raised me up from the ground and I stood up, close to the dear
Mother Directress. With kindly words she began to explain to me that this was a
trial sent to me by God, saying, "Have great confidence; God is always our
Father, even when He sends us trials."
I returned to my duties as if I had come out from the tomb, my senses saturated with what my soul had experienced. During the evening service, my soul began to agonize again in a terrible darkness. I felt that I was in the power of the Just God, and that I was the object of His indignation. During these terrible moments I said to God, "Jesus, who in the Gospel compare Yourself to a most tender mother," I trust in Your words because You are Truth and Life. In spite of everything, Jesus, I trust in You in the face of every interior sentiment which sets itself against hope. Do what You want with me; I will never leave You, because You are the source of my life." Only one who has lived through similar moments can understand how terrible is this torment of the soul.
I returned to my duties as if I had come out from the tomb, my senses saturated with what my soul had experienced. During the evening service, my soul began to agonize again in a terrible darkness. I felt that I was in the power of the Just God, and that I was the object of His indignation. During these terrible moments I said to God, "Jesus, who in the Gospel compare Yourself to a most tender mother," I trust in Your words because You are Truth and Life. In spite of everything, Jesus, I trust in You in the face of every interior sentiment which sets itself against hope. Do what You want with me; I will never leave You, because You are the source of my life." Only one who has lived through similar moments can understand how terrible is this torment of the soul.
66
O inexhaustible treasure of purity of intention which makes all our actions
perfect and so pleasing to God!
O Jesus, You know how weak I am; be then ever with me; guide my actions and my whole being, You who are my very best Teacher! Truly, Jesus, I become frightened when I look at my own misery, but at the same time I am reassured by Your unfathomable mercy, which exceeds my misery by the measure of all eternity. This disposition of soul clothes me in Your power. O joy that flows from the knowledge of one's self! O unchanging Truth, Your constancy is everlasting!
O Jesus, You know how weak I am; be then ever with me; guide my actions and my whole being, You who are my very best Teacher! Truly, Jesus, I become frightened when I look at my own misery, but at the same time I am reassured by Your unfathomable mercy, which exceeds my misery by the measure of all eternity. This disposition of soul clothes me in Your power. O joy that flows from the knowledge of one's self! O unchanging Truth, Your constancy is everlasting!
68 The
heaviest suffering for me was that it seemed to me that neither my prayers nor
my good works were pleasing to God. I did not dare lift up my eyes to heaven.
This caused me such great suffering during the community exercises in the
chapel that one day Mother Superior [Raphael] called me aside after the
exercises and said to me, "Sister, ask God for grace and consolation,
because I can see for myself and the sisters keep telling me that the very
sight of you evokes pity. I really do not know what to do with you, Sister. I
command you to stop tormenting yourself for no reason."
But all these conferences with Mother Superior brought me no relief, nor did they clarify anything for me. Rather, even greater darkness hid God from me. I looked for help in the confessional, but not even there did I find it. A saintly priest wanted to help me, but I was so miserable that I couldn't even define my trouble, and that vexed me even more. A deathly sadness penetrated my soul to such an extent that I was unable to hide it, and it was apparent to those around me. I lost hope. The night was growing darker and darker. The priest to whom I went to confession said to me, "I see very special graces in you, Sister, and I am not worried about you at all; why are you torturing yourself in this way?" But at that time I did not understand at all what he was saying and was extremely surprised when, by way of penance, I was ordered to say the Te Deum or the Magnificat, or to run fast around the garden in the evening, or else to laugh out loud ten times a day. These penances were very surprising to me; but even with that the priest was not able to give me much help. Evidently, God wanted me to give Him glory through suffering.
That priest consoled me, saying that in my present situation I was more pleasing to God than if I were filled with the greatest consolations. "It is a very great grace, Sister, "he told me, "that in your present condition, with all the torments of soul you are experiencing, you not only do not offend God, but you even try to practice virtues. I am looking into your soul, and I see God's great plans and special graces there; and seeing this, I give thanks to the Lord." But despite all that, my soul was in a state of torture; and in the midst of unspeakable torments, I imitated the blind man who entrusts himself to his guide, holding his hand firmly, not giving up obedience for a single moment, and this was my only safety in this fiery trial.
But all these conferences with Mother Superior brought me no relief, nor did they clarify anything for me. Rather, even greater darkness hid God from me. I looked for help in the confessional, but not even there did I find it. A saintly priest wanted to help me, but I was so miserable that I couldn't even define my trouble, and that vexed me even more. A deathly sadness penetrated my soul to such an extent that I was unable to hide it, and it was apparent to those around me. I lost hope. The night was growing darker and darker. The priest to whom I went to confession said to me, "I see very special graces in you, Sister, and I am not worried about you at all; why are you torturing yourself in this way?" But at that time I did not understand at all what he was saying and was extremely surprised when, by way of penance, I was ordered to say the Te Deum or the Magnificat, or to run fast around the garden in the evening, or else to laugh out loud ten times a day. These penances were very surprising to me; but even with that the priest was not able to give me much help. Evidently, God wanted me to give Him glory through suffering.
That priest consoled me, saying that in my present situation I was more pleasing to God than if I were filled with the greatest consolations. "It is a very great grace, Sister, "he told me, "that in your present condition, with all the torments of soul you are experiencing, you not only do not offend God, but you even try to practice virtues. I am looking into your soul, and I see God's great plans and special graces there; and seeing this, I give thanks to the Lord." But despite all that, my soul was in a state of torture; and in the midst of unspeakable torments, I imitated the blind man who entrusts himself to his guide, holding his hand firmly, not giving up obedience for a single moment, and this was my only safety in this fiery trial.
69 +O Jesus, eternal Truth, strengthen my
feeble forces; You can do all things, Lord. I know that without You all my
efforts are in vain. O Jesus, do not hide from me, for I cannot live without
You. Listen to the cry of my soul. Your mercy has not been exhausted, Lord, so
have pity on my misery. Your mercy surpasses the understanding of all Angels
and people put together; and so, although it seems to me that You do not hear
me, I put my trust in the ocean of Your mercy, and I know that my hope will not
be deceived.
O Divine Sun, in Your rays the soul
sees the tiniest specks of dust which displease You.
72 O Jesus, eternal Truth, our Life, I call upon You and I beg Your mercy for poor sinners. O sweetest Heart of my Lord, full of pity and unfathomable mercy, I plead with You for poor sinners. O Most Sacred Heart, Fount of Mercy from which gush forth rays of inconceivable graces upon the entire human race, I beg of You light for poor sinners. O Jesus, be mindful of Your own bitter Passion and do not permit the loss of souls redeemed at so dear a price of Your most precious Blood. O Jesus, when I consider the great price of Your Blood, I rejoice at its immensity, for one drop alone would have been enough for the salvation of all sinners. Although sin is an abyss of wickedness and ingratitude, the price paid for us can never be equaled. Therefore, let every soul trust in the Passion of the Lord, and place its hope in His mercy. God will not deny His mercy to anyone. Heaven and earth may change, but God's mercy will never be exhausted. Oh, what immense joy burns in my heart when I contemplate Your incomprehensible goodness, O Jesus! I desire to bring all sinners to Your feet that they may glorify Your mercy throughout endless ages.
72 O Jesus, eternal Truth, our Life, I call upon You and I beg Your mercy for poor sinners. O sweetest Heart of my Lord, full of pity and unfathomable mercy, I plead with You for poor sinners. O Most Sacred Heart, Fount of Mercy from which gush forth rays of inconceivable graces upon the entire human race, I beg of You light for poor sinners. O Jesus, be mindful of Your own bitter Passion and do not permit the loss of souls redeemed at so dear a price of Your most precious Blood. O Jesus, when I consider the great price of Your Blood, I rejoice at its immensity, for one drop alone would have been enough for the salvation of all sinners. Although sin is an abyss of wickedness and ingratitude, the price paid for us can never be equaled. Therefore, let every soul trust in the Passion of the Lord, and place its hope in His mercy. God will not deny His mercy to anyone. Heaven and earth may change, but God's mercy will never be exhausted. Oh, what immense joy burns in my heart when I contemplate Your incomprehensible goodness, O Jesus! I desire to bring all sinners to Your feet that they may glorify Your mercy throughout endless ages.
76 O my Jesus, direct my mind, take
possession of my whole being, enclose me in the depths of Your heart, and
protect me against the assaults of the enemy. My only hope is in You. Speak
through my mouth when I, wretchedness itself, find myself with the mighty and
wise, so that they will know that this undertaking is Yours and comes from You.
Darkness and Temptations
Darkness and Temptations
77 My mind became dimmed in a
strange way; no truth seemed clear to me. When people spoke to me about God, my
heart was like a rock. I could not draw from it a single sentiment of love for
Him. When I tried, by an act of the will, to remain close to Him, I experienced
great torments, and it seemed to me that I was only provoking God to an even
greater anger. It was absolutely impossible for me to meditate as I had been
accustomed to do in the past. I felt in my soul a great void, and there was nothing
with which I could fill it. I began to suffer from a great hunger and yearning
for God, but I saw my utter powerlessness. I tried to read slowly, sentence by
sentence, and to meditate in this way, but this also was of no avail. I
understood nothing of what I had read.
The abyss of my misery was constantly before my eyes. Every time I entered the chapel for some spiritual exercise, I experienced even worse torments and temptations. More than once, all through Holy Mass, I had to struggle against blasphemous thoughts which were forcing themselves to my lips. I felt an aversion for the Holy Sacraments, and it seemed to me that I was not profiting from them in any way. It was only out of obedience to my confessor that I frequented them, and this blind obedience was for me the only path I could follow and my very last hope of survival. The priest explained to me that these were trials sent by God and that, in the situation I was in, not only was I not offending God, but I was most pleasing to Him. "This is a sign," he told me, "that God loves you very much and that He has great confidence in you, since He is sending you such trials." But these words brought me no comfort; it seemed to me that they did not apply to me at all.
One thing did surprise me: it often happened that, at the time when I was suffering greatly, these terrible torments would disappear suddenly just as I was approaching the confessional; but as soon as I had left the confessional, all these torments would again seize me with even greater ferocity. I would then fall on my face before the Blessed Sacrament repeating these words: "Even if You kill me, still will I trust in You!" [cf. Job 13:15] It seemed to me that I would die in these agonies. But the most terrible thought for me was the conviction that I had been rejected by God. Then other thoughts came to me: why strive to acquire virtues and do good works? why mortify and annihilate yourself? what good is it to take vows? to pray? to sacrifice and immolate yourself? why sacrifice myself all the time? what good is it - if I am already rejected by God? why all these efforts? And here, God alone knew what was going on in my heart.
The abyss of my misery was constantly before my eyes. Every time I entered the chapel for some spiritual exercise, I experienced even worse torments and temptations. More than once, all through Holy Mass, I had to struggle against blasphemous thoughts which were forcing themselves to my lips. I felt an aversion for the Holy Sacraments, and it seemed to me that I was not profiting from them in any way. It was only out of obedience to my confessor that I frequented them, and this blind obedience was for me the only path I could follow and my very last hope of survival. The priest explained to me that these were trials sent by God and that, in the situation I was in, not only was I not offending God, but I was most pleasing to Him. "This is a sign," he told me, "that God loves you very much and that He has great confidence in you, since He is sending you such trials." But these words brought me no comfort; it seemed to me that they did not apply to me at all.
One thing did surprise me: it often happened that, at the time when I was suffering greatly, these terrible torments would disappear suddenly just as I was approaching the confessional; but as soon as I had left the confessional, all these torments would again seize me with even greater ferocity. I would then fall on my face before the Blessed Sacrament repeating these words: "Even if You kill me, still will I trust in You!" [cf. Job 13:15] It seemed to me that I would die in these agonies. But the most terrible thought for me was the conviction that I had been rejected by God. Then other thoughts came to me: why strive to acquire virtues and do good works? why mortify and annihilate yourself? what good is it to take vows? to pray? to sacrifice and immolate yourself? why sacrifice myself all the time? what good is it - if I am already rejected by God? why all these efforts? And here, God alone knew what was going on in my heart.
93
+A Short Version of the Catechism of the Vows[39]
Q. What is a vow?
A. A vow is a voluntary promise made to God, to carry out a more perfect act.
Q. Is a vow binding in a matter which is the object of a commandment?
A. Yes. The carrying out of an act which is the object of a commandment has a double value and merit; and the neglect of such an act is a double transgression and evil, because by breaking such a vow we add to the sin against the commandment, the sin of sacrilege.
Q. Why do religious vows have such value?
A. Because they are the foundation of the religious life approved by the Church, in which the members bound together in a religious community undertake to strive always for perfection by means of the three religious vows of poverty, chastity and obedience, observed according to the rules.
Q. What is the meaning of the words, "strive for perfection?"
A. To strive for perfection means that the religious life does not in itself demand that perfection be already attained, but obliges, under the pain of sin, that we work daily to attain it. Therefore, a religious who does not want to become perfect neglects his principal duty of state.
Q. What are "solemn" religious vows?
A. " Solemn" religious vows are so absolute that, in extraordinary cases, only the Holy Father can dispense from them.
Q. What are simple religious vows?
A. These are vows which are less absolute - the Holy See dispenses from perpetual and annual vows.
Q. What is the difference between a vow and a virtue?
A. A vow pertains only to that which is commanded under pain of sin; the virtue goes beyond this and helps in the carrying out of the vow; on the other hand, by breaking the vow we fail in the virtue and do it damage.
Q. To what do the religious vows oblige us?
A. The religious vows oblige us to strive to acquire the virtues and to submit ourselves completely to our Superiors and to the Rules which are in force; thus the religious gives his own person to the Community, renouncing every right over himself and his actions, which he sacrifices to the service of God.
The Vow of Poverty
The vow of poverty is the voluntary renunciation of the right over property or to the use of such property with the purpose of pleasing God.
Q. What objects does the vow of poverty concern?
A. All those goods and those objects which appertain to the Community. We have no longer any right over anything that has been given to us, once it has been accepted, whether an article or money. All these donations and presents, which may have been given us out of gratitude or in any other way, belong by right to the Community. We cannot make use, without violating the vow, of any wages we may receive for work or even any annuity.
Q. When do we break or violate the vow in a matter which entails the seventh commandment?
A. We break or violate it when, without permission, we take for ourselves anything that belongs to the house; when, without permission, we retain something in order to appropriate it; and when, without authorization, we sell or exchange something that belongs to the Community. When we make use of an object for some other purpose than that intended by the Superior. When we give to, or accept from another, anything whatsoever without permission. When by negligence we destroy or damage something. When, in going from one house to another, we take something with us without permission. In a situation where the vow is broken, the religious is bound to restitution to the Community.
The Virtue of Poverty
This is an evangelical virtue which impels the heart to detach itself from temporal things; the religious, in virtue of his profession, is strictly obliged to it.
Q. When do we sin against the virtue of poverty? When we desire something, contrary to this virtue. When we become attached to something, and when we make use of superfluous things. How many degrees of poverty are there and what are they?
A. There are, in practice, four degrees of poverty for one who is a professed religious: to dispose of nothing without the consent of the Superiors (the strict matter of the vow); to avoid superfluities and be content with necessities (this pertains to the virtue); to readily content oneself with things of inferior quality in what concerns one's cell, clothing, nourishment, etc., and to experience this contentment interiorly; to rejoice in extreme poverty.
The Vow of Chastity
Q. To what does this vow oblige us?
A. To renounce marriage and to avoid everything that is forbidden by the sixth and ninth commandments.
Q. Is a fault against the virtue a violation of the vow?
A. Every fault against the virtue is at the same time a violation of the vow, because here there is no difference, as in the case of poverty and obedience, between the vow and the virtue.
Q. Is every bad thought a sin?
A. No, every bad thought is not a sin; it becomes so only when the acquiescence of the will and consent are joined to the consideration of the mind.
Q. Is there anything, over and above sins against chastity, which is detrimental to the virtue?
A. Lack of custody of the senses, of the imagination, of the feelings; familiarity and sentimental friendships are detrimental to the virtue.
Q. What are the means by which this virtue may be preserved?
A. To conquer interior temptations with the thought of the presence of God, and moreover to fight without fear. And for exterior temptations, to avoid occasions. There are, in all, seven principal means: to guard the senses, to avoid occasions, to avoid idleness, to remove temptations promptly, to remove oneself from all - and especially particular friendships, the spirit of mortification, and to reveal all these temptations to one's confessor.
Besides this, there are also five means of preserving this virtue: humility, the spirit of prayer, modesty of the eyes, fidelity to the rule, a sincere devotion to the Blessed Virgin Mary.
The Vow of Obedience
The vow of obedience is superior to the first two. It is, to tell the truth, a holocaust, and it is more necessary because it forms and animates the monastic body.
Q. To what does the vow of obedience oblige us?
A. By the vow of obedience, the religious promises to God to be obedient to his legitimate superiors in everything that they will ordain in virtue of the rule. The vow of obedience makes the religious dependent on his superior in virtue of these rules for his whole life and in all his affairs. A religious commits a grave sin against the vow every time he disobeys an order given in virtue of obedience and of these rules.
The Virtue of Obedience
The virtue of obedience goes further than the vow; it embraces the rules, the regulations and even the counsels of the superiors.
Q. Is the virtue of obedience indispensable for a religious?
A. The virtue of obedience is so indispensable to a religious that, even if he were to perform good actions contrary to obedience, these would be evil and without merit.
Q. Can we sin gravely against the virtue of obedience?
A. We sin gravely when we scorn the authority or the order of the superior, or when spiritual or temporal harm to the community results from our disobedience.
Q. What faults endanger the vow?
A. To be prejudiced against the superior, or to harbor an antipathy for him - murmuring and criticism, tardiness and negligence.
The Degrees of Obedience
Prompt and complete fulfillment - the obedience of the will, when the will persuades the intellect to submit to the advice of the superior. To facilitate obedience, Saint Ignatius suggests, moreover, three means: always to see God in our superior, whoever he might be; to justify in itself the order or advice of the superior; to accept each order as an order from God, without examining it or reflecting on it. General means: humility. Nothing is difficult for the humble.
Q. What is a vow?
A. A vow is a voluntary promise made to God, to carry out a more perfect act.
Q. Is a vow binding in a matter which is the object of a commandment?
A. Yes. The carrying out of an act which is the object of a commandment has a double value and merit; and the neglect of such an act is a double transgression and evil, because by breaking such a vow we add to the sin against the commandment, the sin of sacrilege.
Q. Why do religious vows have such value?
A. Because they are the foundation of the religious life approved by the Church, in which the members bound together in a religious community undertake to strive always for perfection by means of the three religious vows of poverty, chastity and obedience, observed according to the rules.
Q. What is the meaning of the words, "strive for perfection?"
A. To strive for perfection means that the religious life does not in itself demand that perfection be already attained, but obliges, under the pain of sin, that we work daily to attain it. Therefore, a religious who does not want to become perfect neglects his principal duty of state.
Q. What are "solemn" religious vows?
A. " Solemn" religious vows are so absolute that, in extraordinary cases, only the Holy Father can dispense from them.
Q. What are simple religious vows?
A. These are vows which are less absolute - the Holy See dispenses from perpetual and annual vows.
Q. What is the difference between a vow and a virtue?
A. A vow pertains only to that which is commanded under pain of sin; the virtue goes beyond this and helps in the carrying out of the vow; on the other hand, by breaking the vow we fail in the virtue and do it damage.
Q. To what do the religious vows oblige us?
A. The religious vows oblige us to strive to acquire the virtues and to submit ourselves completely to our Superiors and to the Rules which are in force; thus the religious gives his own person to the Community, renouncing every right over himself and his actions, which he sacrifices to the service of God.
The Vow of Poverty
The vow of poverty is the voluntary renunciation of the right over property or to the use of such property with the purpose of pleasing God.
Q. What objects does the vow of poverty concern?
A. All those goods and those objects which appertain to the Community. We have no longer any right over anything that has been given to us, once it has been accepted, whether an article or money. All these donations and presents, which may have been given us out of gratitude or in any other way, belong by right to the Community. We cannot make use, without violating the vow, of any wages we may receive for work or even any annuity.
Q. When do we break or violate the vow in a matter which entails the seventh commandment?
A. We break or violate it when, without permission, we take for ourselves anything that belongs to the house; when, without permission, we retain something in order to appropriate it; and when, without authorization, we sell or exchange something that belongs to the Community. When we make use of an object for some other purpose than that intended by the Superior. When we give to, or accept from another, anything whatsoever without permission. When by negligence we destroy or damage something. When, in going from one house to another, we take something with us without permission. In a situation where the vow is broken, the religious is bound to restitution to the Community.
The Virtue of Poverty
This is an evangelical virtue which impels the heart to detach itself from temporal things; the religious, in virtue of his profession, is strictly obliged to it.
Q. When do we sin against the virtue of poverty? When we desire something, contrary to this virtue. When we become attached to something, and when we make use of superfluous things. How many degrees of poverty are there and what are they?
A. There are, in practice, four degrees of poverty for one who is a professed religious: to dispose of nothing without the consent of the Superiors (the strict matter of the vow); to avoid superfluities and be content with necessities (this pertains to the virtue); to readily content oneself with things of inferior quality in what concerns one's cell, clothing, nourishment, etc., and to experience this contentment interiorly; to rejoice in extreme poverty.
The Vow of Chastity
Q. To what does this vow oblige us?
A. To renounce marriage and to avoid everything that is forbidden by the sixth and ninth commandments.
Q. Is a fault against the virtue a violation of the vow?
A. Every fault against the virtue is at the same time a violation of the vow, because here there is no difference, as in the case of poverty and obedience, between the vow and the virtue.
Q. Is every bad thought a sin?
A. No, every bad thought is not a sin; it becomes so only when the acquiescence of the will and consent are joined to the consideration of the mind.
Q. Is there anything, over and above sins against chastity, which is detrimental to the virtue?
A. Lack of custody of the senses, of the imagination, of the feelings; familiarity and sentimental friendships are detrimental to the virtue.
Q. What are the means by which this virtue may be preserved?
A. To conquer interior temptations with the thought of the presence of God, and moreover to fight without fear. And for exterior temptations, to avoid occasions. There are, in all, seven principal means: to guard the senses, to avoid occasions, to avoid idleness, to remove temptations promptly, to remove oneself from all - and especially particular friendships, the spirit of mortification, and to reveal all these temptations to one's confessor.
Besides this, there are also five means of preserving this virtue: humility, the spirit of prayer, modesty of the eyes, fidelity to the rule, a sincere devotion to the Blessed Virgin Mary.
The Vow of Obedience
The vow of obedience is superior to the first two. It is, to tell the truth, a holocaust, and it is more necessary because it forms and animates the monastic body.
Q. To what does the vow of obedience oblige us?
A. By the vow of obedience, the religious promises to God to be obedient to his legitimate superiors in everything that they will ordain in virtue of the rule. The vow of obedience makes the religious dependent on his superior in virtue of these rules for his whole life and in all his affairs. A religious commits a grave sin against the vow every time he disobeys an order given in virtue of obedience and of these rules.
The Virtue of Obedience
The virtue of obedience goes further than the vow; it embraces the rules, the regulations and even the counsels of the superiors.
Q. Is the virtue of obedience indispensable for a religious?
A. The virtue of obedience is so indispensable to a religious that, even if he were to perform good actions contrary to obedience, these would be evil and without merit.
Q. Can we sin gravely against the virtue of obedience?
A. We sin gravely when we scorn the authority or the order of the superior, or when spiritual or temporal harm to the community results from our disobedience.
Q. What faults endanger the vow?
A. To be prejudiced against the superior, or to harbor an antipathy for him - murmuring and criticism, tardiness and negligence.
The Degrees of Obedience
Prompt and complete fulfillment - the obedience of the will, when the will persuades the intellect to submit to the advice of the superior. To facilitate obedience, Saint Ignatius suggests, moreover, three means: always to see God in our superior, whoever he might be; to justify in itself the order or advice of the superior; to accept each order as an order from God, without examining it or reflecting on it. General means: humility. Nothing is difficult for the humble.
97 Faith staggers under the impact;
the struggle is fierce. The soul tries hard to cling to God by an act of will.
With God's permission, Satan goes even further: hope and love are put to the
test. These temptations are terrible. God supports the soul in secret, so to
speak. The soul is not aware of this, but otherwise it would be impossible to
stand firm; and God knows very well how much He can allow to befall a soul. The
soul is tempted to unbelief in respect to revealed truths and to insincerity
toward the confessor. Satan says to it, "Look, no one understands you; why
speak about all this?" Words that terrify it sound in its ears, and it
seems to the soul that it is uttering these against God. It sees what it does
not want to see. It hears what it does not want to hear. And, oh, it is a terrible
thing at times like these not to have an experienced confessor! The soul
carries the whole burden alone. However, one should make every effort to find,
if it is at all possible, a well-informed confessor, for the soul can collapse
under the burden and come to the very edge of the precipice. All these trials
are heavy and difficult. God does not send them to a soul which has not already
been admitted to a deeper intimacy with Him and which has not yet tasted the
divine delights. Besides, in this God has His own plans, which for us are
impenetrable. God often prepares a soul in this way for His future designs and
great works. He wants to try it as pure gold is tried. But this is not yet the
end of the testing; there is still the trial of trials, the complete abandonment
of the soul by God.
God, One in the Holy Trinity.
131 But I will simply mention here that these various
sufferings had come to a peak, and I resolved to put an end to these doubts of
mine before my perpetual vows. Throughout my probation, I prayed for light for
the priest to whom I was to open up my soul to its depths. I asked God that He
himself would help me and grant me the grace to be able to express even the
most secret things that exist between me and Him and to be so disposed that,
whatever the priest would decide, I would accept as coming from Jesus himself.
No matter what judgment he would pass on me, all I wanted was the truth and a
decisive answer to certain questions. I put myself completely in God's hands,
and [all] my soul desired was the truth. I could not go on living in doubt any
longer although, in the depths of my soul, I was so very sure that these things
came from God, that I would lay down my life for this. However, I placed the
confessor's opinion above all, and I made up my mind to do as he thought best
and to act according to the advice that he would give me. I looked forward to
that moment which would decide the course of my actions for the rest of my
life. I knew that everything would depend on this. It mattered little whether
what he would say to me would be in accord with my inspirations or quite the
contrary; this no longer mattered to me. I wanted to know the truth and follow
it.
Jesus, You can help me! From this moment, I have begun anew. I conceal all the graces within my soul and await whomsoever the Lord will send me. With no doubt in my heart, I asked the Lord himself to deign to help me during these moments, and a courage of sorts entered my soul.
Jesus, You can help me! From this moment, I have begun anew. I conceal all the graces within my soul and await whomsoever the Lord will send me. With no doubt in my heart, I asked the Lord himself to deign to help me during these moments, and a courage of sorts entered my soul.
180
+During Advent, a great yearning for God arose in my soul. My spirit rushed
toward God with all its might. During that time, the Lord gave me much light to
know His attributes.
The
first attribute which the Lord gave me to know is His holiness. His holiness is
so great that all the Powers and Virtues tremble before Him. The pure spirits
veil their faces and lose themselves in unending adoration, and with one single
word they express the highest form of adoration; that is-Holy... The holiness
of God is poured out upon the Church of God and upon every living soul in it,
but not in the same degree. There are souls who are completely penetrated by
God, and there are those who are barely alive.
The
second kind of knowledge which the Lord granted me concerns His justice. His
justice is so great and penetrating that it reaches deep into the heart of
things, and all things stand before Him in naked truth, and nothing can
withstand Him.
The
third attribute is love and mercy. And I understood that the greatest attribute
is love and mercy. It unites the creature with the Creator. This immense love
and abyss of mercy are made known in the Incarnation of the Word and in the
Redemption [of humanity], and it is here that I saw this as the greatest of all
God's attributes.
283 I want to love You as no human
soul has ever loved You before; and although I am utterly miserable and small,
I have nevertheless cast the anchor of my trust deep down into the abyss of
Your mercy, O my God and Creator! In spite of my great misery I fear nothing,
but hope to sing You a hymn of glory for ever. Let no soul, even the most
miserable, fall prey to doubt; for, as long as one is alive, each one can
become a great saint, so great is the power of God's grace. It remains only for
us not to oppose God's action.
298 O my Jesus, the Life, the Way and the Truth, I beg You
to keep me close to You as a mother holds a baby to her bosom, for I am not
only a helpless child, but an accumulation of misery and nothingness.
304 +O my Jesus, my only hope, thank
You for the book which You have opened before my soul's eyes. That book is Your
Passion which You underwent for love of me. It is from this book that I have
learned how to love God and souls. In this book there are found for us
inexhaustible treasures. O Jesus, how few souls understand You in Your martyrdom
of love! Oh, how great is the fire of purest love which burns in Your Most
Sacred Heart! Happy the soul that has come to understand the love of the Heart
of Jesus!
359 January 10, 1935. +Thursday. In
the evening during benediction,[85] such thoughts as these began to distress me:
Is not perhaps all this that I am saying about God's great mercy just a lie or
an illusion...? And I wanted to think about this for a while, when I heard a
strong and clear inner voice saying, Everything that you say about My
goodness is true; language has no adequate expression to extol My goodness. These
words were so filled with power and so clear that I would give my life in
declaring they came from God. I can tell this by the profound peace that
accompanied them at that time and that still remains with me. This peace gives
me such great strength and power that all difficulties, adversities,
sufferings, and death itself are as nothing. This light gave me a glimpse of
the truth that all my efforts to bring souls to know the mercy of the Lord are
very pleasing to God. And from this springs such great joy in my soul that I do
not know whether it could be any greater in heaven. Oh, if souls would only be
willing to listen, at least a little, to the voice of conscience and the
voicethat is, the inspirations-of the Holy Spirit! I say "at least a
little," because once we open ourselves to the influence of the Holy
Spirit, He himself will fulfill what is lacking in us.
410 O eternal and incomprehensible Love, I
beg You for one grace: enlighten my mind with light from on high; help me to
know and appreciate all things according to their value. I feel the greatest
joy in my soul when I come to know the truth.
428 But I could no longer get to
sleep; my mind became exhausted by thinking about the things I had seen. O
human souls, how late you learn the truth! O abyss of God's mercy, pour
yourself out as quickly as possible over the whole world, according to what You
yourself have said.
455 When some suffering afflicts me,
it no longer causes me any bitterness, nor do great consolations carry me away,
I am filled with the peace and equanimity that flow from the knowledge of the
truth. How can living surrounded by unfriendly hearts do me any harm when I
enjoy full happiness within my soul'? Or how can having kind hearts around me
help me when I do not have God within me? When God dwells within me, who can
harm me?
+J.M.J. Vilnius, August 12, 1935
Three-day Retreat.
456 On the evening of the introductory
day of the retreat, as I listened to the points for the meditation, I heard
these words: During this retreat I will speak to you through the mouth
of this priest to strengthen you and assure you of the truth of the words which
I address to you in the depths of your soul. Although this is a retreat for all
the sisters, I have you especially in mind, as I want to strengthen you and
make you fearless in the midst of all the adversities which lie ahead.
Therefore, listen intently to his words and meditate upon them in the
depths of your soul.
464 During a meditation on humility,
an old doubt returned: that a soul as miserable as mine could not carry out the
task which the Lord was demanding [of me]. Just as I was analyzing this doubt,
the priest who was conducting the retreat interrupted his train of thought and
spoke about the very thing I was having doubts about; namely, that God usually
chooses the weakest and simplest souls as tools for His greatest works; that we
can see that this is an undeniable truth when we look at the men He chose to be
His apostles; or again, when we look at the history of the Church and see what
great works were done by souls that were the least capable of accomplishing
them; for it is just in this way that God's works are revealed for what they
are, the works of God. When my doubt had completely disappeared, the priest
resumed his conference on humility. Jesus was standing, as He usually did
during each conference, on the altar and said nothing to me, but with His
kindly gaze pierced my poor soul which no longer had any excuse.
497 O Eternal Truth, Word Incarnate,
who most faithfully fulfilled Your Father's will, today I am becoming a martyr
of Your inspirations, since I cannot carry them out because I have no will of
my own, though interiorly I see Your will clearly. I submit in everything to
the will of my superiors and my confessor. I will follow Your will insofar as
You will permit me to do so through Your representative. O my Jesus, it cannot
be helped, but I give priority to the voice of the Church over the voice with
which You speak to me.
511
When my intentions are not recognized, but rather condemned, I am not too much
surprised, for I know that it is only God who scrutinizes my heart. Truth will
not die; the wounded heart will regain peace in due time, and my spirit is
strengthened through adversities. I do not always listen to what my heart tells
me, but I keep asking God for light; and when I feel l have regained my equilibrium,
then I say more.
571 O my Jesus, Eternal Truth, I fear
nothing, neither hardships nor sufferings; I fear only one thing, and that is
to offend You. My Jesus, I would rather not exist than make You sad. Jesus, You
know that my love knows no one but You. My soul is absorbed in You.
615 March 1, 1936. Today during Holy Mass I experienced a
strange force and urge to start realizing God's wishes. I had such a clear
understanding of the things the Lord was asking of me that truly if I were to
say that I do not understand what God is demanding from me, I would be lying,
because the Lord is making His will known to me so clearly and distinctly that
I do not have the least shadow of a doubt about them. I realized that it would
be the greatest ingratitude to delay any longer this undertaking which the Lord
wishes to bring to fulfillment for His glory and the benefit of a great number
of souls. And He is using me as a miserable tool through which to realize His
eternal plans of mercy. Truly, how ungrateful my soul would be to resist God's
will any longer. Nothing will stop me any longer, be it persecution,
sufferings, sneers, threats, entreaties, hunger, cold, flattery, friendships,
adversities, friends or enemies; be it things I am experiencing now or things
that will come in the future or even the hatred of hell-nothing will deter me
from doing the will of God.
I am not counting on my own strength, but on His omnipotence for, as he gave me the grace of knowing His holy will, He will also grant me the grace of fulfilling it. I cannot fail to mention how much my own lower nature resists this thing, manifesting its own desires, and there results within my soul a great struggle, like that of Jesus in the Garden of Olives. And so I too cry out to God, the Eternal Father, "If it is possible, take this cup from me, but, nevertheless, not my will, but Yours be done, O Lord; may Your will be done." What I am about to go through is no secret to me, but with full knowledge I accept whatever You send me, O Lord. I trust in You, O merciful God, and I wish to be the first to manifest to You that confidence which You demand of souls. O Eternal Truth, help me and enlighten me along the roadways of life, and grant that Your will be accomplished in me.
My God, I desire nothing but the fulfillment of Your will. It does not matter whether it will be easy or difficult. I feel an extraordinary force driving me to action. One thing alone holds me back, and that is holy obedience. O my Jesus, You urge me on the one hand and hold me back and restrain me on the other. In this, too, O my Jesus, may Your holy will be done.
I continued in this state, without a break, for many days. My physical strength declined, and though I did not speak to anyone about it, nevertheless Mother Superior [Borgia] noticed my pain and remarked that I had changed in appearance and was very pale. She told me to go to bed earlier and to sleep longer, and she had a cup of hot milk brought to me in the evening. She had a motherly heart, full of care, and tried to help me. But in the case of spiritual sufferings, external things have no influence, and they do not bring much relief. It was from the confessional that I drew my strength and the consolation of knowing that it would not be long before I could begin to act.
I am not counting on my own strength, but on His omnipotence for, as he gave me the grace of knowing His holy will, He will also grant me the grace of fulfilling it. I cannot fail to mention how much my own lower nature resists this thing, manifesting its own desires, and there results within my soul a great struggle, like that of Jesus in the Garden of Olives. And so I too cry out to God, the Eternal Father, "If it is possible, take this cup from me, but, nevertheless, not my will, but Yours be done, O Lord; may Your will be done." What I am about to go through is no secret to me, but with full knowledge I accept whatever You send me, O Lord. I trust in You, O merciful God, and I wish to be the first to manifest to You that confidence which You demand of souls. O Eternal Truth, help me and enlighten me along the roadways of life, and grant that Your will be accomplished in me.
My God, I desire nothing but the fulfillment of Your will. It does not matter whether it will be easy or difficult. I feel an extraordinary force driving me to action. One thing alone holds me back, and that is holy obedience. O my Jesus, You urge me on the one hand and hold me back and restrain me on the other. In this, too, O my Jesus, may Your holy will be done.
I continued in this state, without a break, for many days. My physical strength declined, and though I did not speak to anyone about it, nevertheless Mother Superior [Borgia] noticed my pain and remarked that I had changed in appearance and was very pale. She told me to go to bed earlier and to sleep longer, and she had a cup of hot milk brought to me in the evening. She had a motherly heart, full of care, and tried to help me. But in the case of spiritual sufferings, external things have no influence, and they do not bring much relief. It was from the confessional that I drew my strength and the consolation of knowing that it would not be long before I could begin to act.
688
Jesus, Life and Truth, my Master, guide every step of my life, that I may act
according to Your holy will.
727 Eternal Truth, give me a ray of
Your light that I may come to know You, O Lord, and worthily glorify Your
infinite mercy. And at the same time, grant me to know myself, the whole abyss
of misery that I am
792 I must never speak of my own
experiences. In suffering, I must seek relief in prayer. In doubts, even the
smallest, I must seek only the advice of my confessor. I must always have a
heart which is open to receive the sufferings of others, and drown my own
sufferings in the Divine Heart so that they would not be noticed on the
outside, in so far as possible.
I must always strive for equanimity,
no matter how stormy the circumstances might be. I must not allow anything to
disturb my interior calm and silence. Nothing can compare with peace of soul.
When I am wrongfully accused of something, I will not explain myself; if the
superior wants to know the truth, whether I was in the right or not, let her
find out from others rather than from me. My concern is to accept everything
with a humble inner disposition.
I will spend this Advent in accordance
with the directions of the Mother of God: in meekness and humility.
882 I rarely have such visions. But I
more often commune with the Lord in a more profound manner. My senses sleep
and, although not in a visible way, all things become more real and clearer to
me than if I saw them with my eyes. My intellect learns more in one moment than
during long years of thinking and meditation, both as regards the essence of
God and as regards revealed truths, and also as regards the knowledge of my own
misery.
1103 + The quintessence of love is
sacrifice and suffering. Truth wears a crown of thorns. Prayer involves the
intellect, the will, and the emotions.
1164 My daughter, when I was before
Herod, I obtained a grace for you; namely, that you would be able to rise above
human scorn and follow faithfully in My footsteps. Be silent when they do not
want to acknowledge your truth, because it is then that you speak more
eloquently.
1243 "These times of dryness and stark
awareness of one's wretchedness, which God has permitted, allow the soul to
know how little it can do by itself. They will teach you how much you should
appreciate God's graces. Secondly, faithfulness in all exercises and duties,
faithfulness in everything, just as in times of joy. Thirdly, as regards the
matters in question, be absolutely obedient to the Archbishop [Jalbrzykowski]
although, from time to time, the matter can be brought to his attention, but
peacefully. Sometimes, a little bitter truth is necessary."
At the end of the conversation, I asked the priest to allow me to commune with Jesus as I had done formerly. He answered, "I cannot give orders to the Lord Jesus, but if He himself draws you to himself you may follow the attraction. However, always remember to show Him great reverence, for the Lord is great indeed. If you are truly seeking God's will in all this and desire to fulfill it, you can be at peace; the Lord will not allow any sort of error. As to the mortifications and sufferings, you will give me an account next time of how you carry them out. Place yourself in the hands of the Most Holy Mother."
At the end of the conversation, I asked the priest to allow me to commune with Jesus as I had done formerly. He answered, "I cannot give orders to the Lord Jesus, but if He himself draws you to himself you may follow the attraction. However, always remember to show Him great reverence, for the Lord is great indeed. If you are truly seeking God's will in all this and desire to fulfill it, you can be at peace; the Lord will not allow any sort of error. As to the mortifications and sufferings, you will give me an account next time of how you carry them out. Place yourself in the hands of the Most Holy Mother."
1270 September 10, [1937]. I learned
in the course of meditation that the purer the soul, the greater her communion
with God on the spiritual level. She pays little heed to the senses and their
protests. God is a Spirit, and so I love Him in spirit and in truth.
1329 In the meditation on the goal of
man, I understood that this truth is deeply rooted in my soul, and that my
deeds are therefore the more perfect. I know why I was created. All creatures
taken together cannot take the place, for me, of my Creator. I know that God is
my ultimate goal and so, in whatever I undertake, I take God into account.
1334 + In the meditation on sin, the
Lord gave me to know all the malice of sin and the ingratitude that is
contained in it. I feel within my soul a great aversion for even the smallest
sin. However, the eternal truths I have been meditating on do not bring even a
shadow of disturbance or unrest into
my soul. And although I take them very much to
heart, my contemplation is not thereby
interrupted. In this contemplation, it is not
transports of the heart that I
experience, but a depth of peace and a wonderful silence.
Although my love is great, I
experience an extraordinary equilibrium. Even receiving the
Eucharist causes no feeling, but
brings me to a depth of union where my love and God's
love are fused together as one.
1411 O Divine Spirit, Spirit of truth and of
light,
Dwell ever in my soul by Your divine grace.
May Your breath dissipate the darkness,
And in this light may good deeds be multiplied.
O Divine Spirit, Spirit of love and of mercy,
Who pour the balm of trust into my heart,
Your grace confirms my soul in good,
Giving it the invincible power of constancy.
O Divine Spirit, Spirit of peace and of joy,
You invigorate my thirsting heart
And pour into it the living fountain of God's love,
Making it intrepid for battle.
O Divine Spirit, my soul's most welcome guest,
For my part, I want to remain faithful to You;
Both in days of joy and in the agony of suffering,
I want always, O Spirit of God, to live in Your presence.
O Divine Spirit, who pervade my whole being
And give me to know Your Divine Threefold Life,
Initiating me into Your Divine Essence,
Thus united to You, I will live a life without end.
Dwell ever in my soul by Your divine grace.
May Your breath dissipate the darkness,
And in this light may good deeds be multiplied.
O Divine Spirit, Spirit of love and of mercy,
Who pour the balm of trust into my heart,
Your grace confirms my soul in good,
Giving it the invincible power of constancy.
O Divine Spirit, Spirit of peace and of joy,
You invigorate my thirsting heart
And pour into it the living fountain of God's love,
Making it intrepid for battle.
O Divine Spirit, my soul's most welcome guest,
For my part, I want to remain faithful to You;
Both in days of joy and in the agony of suffering,
I want always, O Spirit of God, to live in Your presence.
O Divine Spirit, who pervade my whole being
And give me to know Your Divine Threefold Life,
Initiating me into Your Divine Essence,
Thus united to You, I will live a life without end.
1482
+ O my Jesus, You know that I have gotten myself into a lot of trouble for
speaking out the truth. O truth, so often oppressed, you nearly always wear a
crown of thorns! O Eternal Truth, support me that I may have the courage to
speak the truth even if it would come about that I would pay for it with my
life. O Jesus, how hard it is to believe in this, when one sees one thing
taught and something else lived.
1483 This is why, during the retreat,
after a long observation of life, I resolved to fix my eyes firmly on You,
Jesus, the most perfect of models. O eternity, which will uncover many secrets
and make manifest the truth...
1489 Conversation of the Merciful God with a Perfect Soul.
Soul: My Lord and Master, I desire to converse with You.
Jesus: Speak, My beloved child, for I am always listening. I wait for you. What do you desire to say?
Soul: Lord, first let me pour out my heart at Your feet in a fragrant anointing of gratitude for the many blessings which You lavish upon me; even if I wanted to, I could not count them. I only recall that there has never been a moment in my life in which I have not experienced Your protection and goodness.
Jesus: Your words please Me, and your thanksgiving opens up new treasures of graces. But, My child, we should talk in more detail about the things that lie in your heart. Let us talk confidentially and frankly, as two hearts that love one another do.
Soul: O my merciful Lord, there are secrets in my heart which no one knows or will ever know except You because, even if I wanted to reveal them, no one would understand me. Your minister knows some because I confess to him, but he knows only the bit of these mysteries that I am capable of revealing; the rest remains between us for eternity, O My Lord! You have covered me with the cloak of Your mercy, pardoning my sins. Not once did You refuse Your pardon; You always had pity on me, giving me a new life of grace. To prevent doubts, You have entrusted me to the loving care of Your Church, that tender mother, who in Your name assures me of the truths of faith and watches lest I wander. Especially in the tribunal of Your mercy does my soul meet an ocean of favors, though You did not give the Fallen Angels time to repent or prolong their time of mercy. O my Lord, you have provided saintly priests to show me the sure way. Jesus, there is one more secret in my life, the deepest and dearest to my heart: it is You yourself when You come to my heart under the appearance of bread. Herein lies the whole secret of my sanctity. Here my heart is so united with Yours as to be but one. There are no more secrets, because all that is Yours is mine, and all that is mine is Yours. Such is the omnipotence and the miracle of Your mercy. All the tongues of men and of angels united could not find words adequate to this mystery of Your love and mercy.
When I contemplate this mystery, my heart falls into a new ecstasy. In silence I tell You everything, Lord, because the language of love is without words; not a single stirring of my heart escapes You. O Lord, the extent of Your great condescension has awakened in my soul an even greater love for You, the sole object of my love. The life of union manifests itself in perfect purity, deep humility, gentle silence, and great zeal for the salvation of souls.
O my sweetest Lord, You watch over me each moment and inspire me as to how I should act in a precise situation, when my heart wavers between two things. You yourself frequently intervened in the resolution of a difficulty. Countless times, by means of a sudden enlightenment, You have given me to know what is the more pleasing to You.
Oh, how numerous are the instances of forgiveness about which no one knows! How often You have poured into my soul courage and perseverance to go forward. It is You yourself who removed obstacles from my road, intervening directly in the actions of people. O Jesus, everything I have said to You is but a pale shadow of what is taking place in my heart. O my Jesus, how ardently I desire the conversion of sinners! You know what I am doing for them to win them for You. Every offense against You wounds me deeply. I spare neither strength, nor health, nor life itself in defense of Your kingdom. Although my efforts may remain invisible on earth, they are no less valuable in Your eyes.
O Jesus, I want to bring souls to the fount of Your mercy to draw the reviving water of life with the vessel of trust. The soul desirous of more of God's mercy should approach God with greater trust; and if her trust in God is unlimited, then the mercy of God toward it will be likewise limitless. O my God, Who know every beat of my heart, You know how eagerly I desire that all hearts would beat for You alone, that every soul glorify the greatness of Your mercy.
Jesus: My beloved child, delight of My Heart, your words are dearer and more pleasing to me than the angelic chorus. All the treasures of My Heart are open to you. Take from this Heart all that you need for yourself and for the whole world. For the sake of your love, I withhold the just chastisements, which mankind has deserved. A single act of pure love pleases Me more than a thousand imperfect prayers. One of your sighs of love atones for many offenses with which the godless overwhelm Me. The smallest act of virtue has unlimited value in My eyes because of your great love for Me. In a soul that lives on My love alone, I reign as in heaven. I watch over it day and night. In it I find My happiness; My ear is attentive to each request of its heart; often I anticipate its requests. O child, especially beloved by Me, apple of My eye, rest a moment near My Heart and taste of the love in which you will delight for all eternity.
But child, you are not yet in your homeland; so go, fortified by My grace, and fight for My kingdom in human souls; fight as a king's child would; and remember that the days of your exile will pass quickly, and with them the possibility of earning merit for heaven. I expect from you, My child, a great number of souls who will glorify My mercy for all eternity. My child, that you may answer My call worthily, receive Me daily in Holy Communion. It will give you strength...
Jesus, do not leave me alone in suffering. You know, Lord, how weak I am. I am an abyss of wretchedness, I am nothingness itself; so what will be so strange if You leave me alone and I fall? I am an infant, Lord, so I cannot get along by myself. However, beyond all abandonment I trust, and in spite of my own feeling I trust, and I am being completely transformed into trust-often in spite of what I feel. Do not lessen any of my sufferings, only give me strength to bear them. Do with me as You please, Lord, only give me the grace to be able to love You in every event and circumstance. Lord, do not lessen my cup of bitterness, only give me strength that I may be able to drink it all.
O Lord, sometimes You lift me up to the brightness of visions, and then again You plunge me into the darkness of night and the abyss of my nothingness, and my soul feels as if it were alone in the wilderness. Yet, above all things, I trust in You, Jesus, for You are unchangeable. My moods change, but You are always the same, full of mercy.
Soul: My Lord and Master, I desire to converse with You.
Jesus: Speak, My beloved child, for I am always listening. I wait for you. What do you desire to say?
Soul: Lord, first let me pour out my heart at Your feet in a fragrant anointing of gratitude for the many blessings which You lavish upon me; even if I wanted to, I could not count them. I only recall that there has never been a moment in my life in which I have not experienced Your protection and goodness.
Jesus: Your words please Me, and your thanksgiving opens up new treasures of graces. But, My child, we should talk in more detail about the things that lie in your heart. Let us talk confidentially and frankly, as two hearts that love one another do.
Soul: O my merciful Lord, there are secrets in my heart which no one knows or will ever know except You because, even if I wanted to reveal them, no one would understand me. Your minister knows some because I confess to him, but he knows only the bit of these mysteries that I am capable of revealing; the rest remains between us for eternity, O My Lord! You have covered me with the cloak of Your mercy, pardoning my sins. Not once did You refuse Your pardon; You always had pity on me, giving me a new life of grace. To prevent doubts, You have entrusted me to the loving care of Your Church, that tender mother, who in Your name assures me of the truths of faith and watches lest I wander. Especially in the tribunal of Your mercy does my soul meet an ocean of favors, though You did not give the Fallen Angels time to repent or prolong their time of mercy. O my Lord, you have provided saintly priests to show me the sure way. Jesus, there is one more secret in my life, the deepest and dearest to my heart: it is You yourself when You come to my heart under the appearance of bread. Herein lies the whole secret of my sanctity. Here my heart is so united with Yours as to be but one. There are no more secrets, because all that is Yours is mine, and all that is mine is Yours. Such is the omnipotence and the miracle of Your mercy. All the tongues of men and of angels united could not find words adequate to this mystery of Your love and mercy.
When I contemplate this mystery, my heart falls into a new ecstasy. In silence I tell You everything, Lord, because the language of love is without words; not a single stirring of my heart escapes You. O Lord, the extent of Your great condescension has awakened in my soul an even greater love for You, the sole object of my love. The life of union manifests itself in perfect purity, deep humility, gentle silence, and great zeal for the salvation of souls.
O my sweetest Lord, You watch over me each moment and inspire me as to how I should act in a precise situation, when my heart wavers between two things. You yourself frequently intervened in the resolution of a difficulty. Countless times, by means of a sudden enlightenment, You have given me to know what is the more pleasing to You.
Oh, how numerous are the instances of forgiveness about which no one knows! How often You have poured into my soul courage and perseverance to go forward. It is You yourself who removed obstacles from my road, intervening directly in the actions of people. O Jesus, everything I have said to You is but a pale shadow of what is taking place in my heart. O my Jesus, how ardently I desire the conversion of sinners! You know what I am doing for them to win them for You. Every offense against You wounds me deeply. I spare neither strength, nor health, nor life itself in defense of Your kingdom. Although my efforts may remain invisible on earth, they are no less valuable in Your eyes.
O Jesus, I want to bring souls to the fount of Your mercy to draw the reviving water of life with the vessel of trust. The soul desirous of more of God's mercy should approach God with greater trust; and if her trust in God is unlimited, then the mercy of God toward it will be likewise limitless. O my God, Who know every beat of my heart, You know how eagerly I desire that all hearts would beat for You alone, that every soul glorify the greatness of Your mercy.
Jesus: My beloved child, delight of My Heart, your words are dearer and more pleasing to me than the angelic chorus. All the treasures of My Heart are open to you. Take from this Heart all that you need for yourself and for the whole world. For the sake of your love, I withhold the just chastisements, which mankind has deserved. A single act of pure love pleases Me more than a thousand imperfect prayers. One of your sighs of love atones for many offenses with which the godless overwhelm Me. The smallest act of virtue has unlimited value in My eyes because of your great love for Me. In a soul that lives on My love alone, I reign as in heaven. I watch over it day and night. In it I find My happiness; My ear is attentive to each request of its heart; often I anticipate its requests. O child, especially beloved by Me, apple of My eye, rest a moment near My Heart and taste of the love in which you will delight for all eternity.
But child, you are not yet in your homeland; so go, fortified by My grace, and fight for My kingdom in human souls; fight as a king's child would; and remember that the days of your exile will pass quickly, and with them the possibility of earning merit for heaven. I expect from you, My child, a great number of souls who will glorify My mercy for all eternity. My child, that you may answer My call worthily, receive Me daily in Holy Communion. It will give you strength...
Jesus, do not leave me alone in suffering. You know, Lord, how weak I am. I am an abyss of wretchedness, I am nothingness itself; so what will be so strange if You leave me alone and I fall? I am an infant, Lord, so I cannot get along by myself. However, beyond all abandonment I trust, and in spite of my own feeling I trust, and I am being completely transformed into trust-often in spite of what I feel. Do not lessen any of my sufferings, only give me strength to bear them. Do with me as You please, Lord, only give me the grace to be able to love You in every event and circumstance. Lord, do not lessen my cup of bitterness, only give me strength that I may be able to drink it all.
O Lord, sometimes You lift me up to the brightness of visions, and then again You plunge me into the darkness of night and the abyss of my nothingness, and my soul feels as if it were alone in the wilderness. Yet, above all things, I trust in You, Jesus, for You are unchangeable. My moods change, but You are always the same, full of mercy.
1502 January 20, 1938. I never cringe before
anyone. I can't bear flattery, for humility is nothing but the truth. There is
no cringing in true humility. Although I consider myself the least in the whole
convent, on the other hand, I enjoy the honor of being the bride of Christ.
Little matter that often I hear people say that I am proud, for I know that
human judgment does not discern the motives for our actions.
1503 When, at the beginning of my
religious life, following the novitiate, I began to exercise myself
particularly in humility, the humiliations that God sent me were not enough for
me. And so, in my excessive zeal, I looked for more of them on my own, and I
often represented myself to my superiors other than I was in reality and spoke
of miseries of which I had no notion. But a short time later, Jesus gave me to
know that humility is only the truth. From that time on, I changed my ideas,
faithfully following the light of Jesus. I learned that if a soul is with
Jesus, He will not permit it to err.
1550
In cases of doubt, I will not act, but will scrupulously seek clarifications
from the priests, and in particular from my spiritual director. I will not give
explanations on my own behalf when someone reproaches me or criticizes me,
unless I am directly asked to bear witness to the truth. With great patience, I
will listen when others open their hearts to me, accept their sufferings, give
them spiritual comfort, but drown my own sufferings in the most merciful Heart
of Jesus. I will never leave the depths of His mercy, while bringing the whole
world into those depths.
1558 February 2, [1938]. Darkness of
the soul. Today is the Feast of the Mother of God, and in my soul it is so
dark. The Lord has hidden Himself, and I am alone, all alone. My mind has
become so dimmed that I see only phantasies about me. Not a single ray of light
penetrates my soul. I do not understand myself or those who speak to me.
Frightful temptations regarding the holy faith assail me. O my Jesus, save me.
I cannot say anything more. I cannot describe these things in detail, for I
fear lest someone be scandalized on reading this. I am astounded that such
torments could befall a soul. O hurricane, what are you doing to the boat of my
heart? This storm has lasted the whole day and night.
When Mother Superior [Irene] came in to see me and asked, "Would you like to take advantage of this occasion, Sister, since Father An. [Andrasz] is coming to hear confessions?" I answered, no. It seemed to me that Father would not understand me, nor would I be able to make a confession.
I spent the whole night with Jesus in Gethsemane. From my breast there escaped one continuous moan. A natural dying will be much easier, because then one is in agony and will die; while here, one is in agony, but cannot die. O Jesus, I never thought such suffering could exist. Nothingness: that is the reality. O Jesus, save me! I believe in You with all my heart. So many times have I seen the radiance of Your face, and now, where are You, Lord?... I believe, I believe, and again I believe in You, Triune God, Father, Son and Holy Spirit, and in all the truths which Your holy Church gives me to believe... But the darkness does not recede, and my spirit plunges into even greater agony. And at that moment, such terrible torment overwhelmed me that now I am amazed at myself that I did not breathe my last, but this was for only a brief instant.
When Mother Superior [Irene] came in to see me and asked, "Would you like to take advantage of this occasion, Sister, since Father An. [Andrasz] is coming to hear confessions?" I answered, no. It seemed to me that Father would not understand me, nor would I be able to make a confession.
I spent the whole night with Jesus in Gethsemane. From my breast there escaped one continuous moan. A natural dying will be much easier, because then one is in agony and will die; while here, one is in agony, but cannot die. O Jesus, I never thought such suffering could exist. Nothingness: that is the reality. O Jesus, save me! I believe in You with all my heart. So many times have I seen the radiance of Your face, and now, where are You, Lord?... I believe, I believe, and again I believe in You, Triune God, Father, Son and Holy Spirit, and in all the truths which Your holy Church gives me to believe... But the darkness does not recede, and my spirit plunges into even greater agony. And at that moment, such terrible torment overwhelmed me that now I am amazed at myself that I did not breathe my last, but this was for only a brief instant.
1654 O truth, O thorny life,
In order to pass through you
victoriously
It is necessary to lean on You, O
Christ,
And to be always close to You.
I would not know how to suffer without
You, O Christ.
Of myself I would not be able to brave
adversities.
Alone, I would not have the courage to
drink from Your cup;
But You, Lord, are always with me, and
You lead me along mysterious paths.
A weak child, I have begun the battle
in Your Name.
I have fought bravely, though often
without success,
And I know that my efforts have
pleased You,
And I know that it is the effort alone
which You eternally reward.
O truth, O life-and-death struggle,
When I rose to do battle, an
inexperienced knight,
I felt I had a knight's blood, though
still a child,
And therefore, O Christ, I needed Your
help and protection.
My heart will not rest from its
efforts and struggle
Until You Yourself call me from the
field of battle.
I will stand before You, not to
receive a reward,
But to be drowned in You, in peace
forever.
(Diary of
Sister Faustina Kowalska Notebook-I-24, 66, 68-69, 72, 76-77, 97, 131, 180)
(Diary of
Sister Faustina Kowalska Notebook-I-283, 298, 304, 359, 410, 428, 455-456,)
(Diary of
Sister Faustina Kowalska Notebook-I-464, 497, 511)
(Diary of
Sister Faustina Kowalska Notebook-II-571, 615, 688, 727, 792, 882)
(Diary of
Sister Faustina Kowalska Notebook-III-1103, 1164)
(Diary of
Sister Faustina Kowalska Notebook-IV-1243, 1270)
(Diary of
Sister Faustina Kowalska Notebook-V-1329, 1334, 1411, 1482-1483, 1489)
(Diary of
Sister Faustina Kowalska Notebook-V-1502-1503, 1550, 1558)
(Diary of
Sister Faustina Kowalska Notebook-VI-1654)
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