Bethlehem and the Cross
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December 13, 2014. Memorial of Saint Lucy, Virgin and Martyr
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Father Walter Schu, LC
Matthew
17:9a, 10-13
As they were coming down from the mountain,
the disciples asked Jesus, “Why do the scribes say that Elijah must come
first?” He said in reply, “Elijah will indeed come and restore all things;
but I tell you that Elijah has already come, and they did not recognize him
but did to him whatever they pleased. So also will the Son of Man suffer at
their hands.” Then the disciples understood that he was speaking to them of
John the Baptist.
Introductory Prayer: Lord, Your disciples sincerely tried to
comprehend Your identity and believe in You. I come before You today with my
doubts and problems, hoping to find in this prayer an answer to my deepest
aspirations. I want to believe with unwavering faith, and I want to love You
with a devout heart. I offer You this time of prayer as my token of gratitude
for all I have received from You.
Petition: Mary, help me to embrace God’s will in my life, just as Christ
embraced the Father’s plan for our salvation.
1. John the Baptist as Elijah: Once again the Gospel refers to John the
Baptist as the one whose role is to prepare us for the One who is to come.
Through the prophet Malachi, the Jews expectation of the return of Elijah,
who will prepare the way for the promised Messiah, has grown. But they have
come to view him as a figure of great power, someone who will sweep men away.
So they fail to recognize Elijah’s presence in the person of John the
Baptist, whose only power is that of the Spirit of God, calling all people to
conversion of heart in order to receive the Christ. How many times in my life
do I fail to recognize the presence of Christ in my life because I’m seeking
something other than Christ’s promises to his followers? Christ doesn’t offer
an easy path of comfort and consolations.
2. Bethlehem and the Cross: Why did Christ become a helpless baby at
Bethlehem? Why did he take on a fragile human body? Precisely so he could
suffer for us in order to redeem us. What does that mean for our lives as
Christians? It means nothing less than the fact that suffering is a gift from
God. It is the Father’s gentle caress, molding us into the image of his Son.
The cross is the source of our fruitfulness, not only in our personal
spiritual growth, but also in the mission to win graces for others, for all
of the souls God has mysteriously entrusted to our care.
3. Obedience unto Death: Christ’s desire to embrace suffering rose
from his loving obedience to his Father’s plan, without condition or limit.
This loving obedience is what gives suffering its redemptive value. From the
moment of his birth at Bethlehem, Christ shows us what it means to obey with
love. Bethlehem is a school of obedience. In Bethlehem, Christ teaches us
that only a loving obedience frees, only loving obedience redeems and
sanctifies, only loving obedience enriches. Loving obedience alone saves,
loving obedience alone frees us from sin and loving obedience alone pleases
God. Let us embrace the cross of obedience in the challenging circumstances
of our daily lives, in the trials brought by the passing of years, in the
sorrow that afflicts us when God calls our loved ones back to him. Loving
obedience is the path to holiness, the way to the Father’s house.
Conversation with Christ: Thank You, Lord, for giving us a school of
loving obedience at Bethlehem, throughout Your life and in Your death on the
cross. Help me to embrace suffering like You did and to be confident in its
power to make me holy and win graces for souls.
Resolution: I will seek to recognize God’s presence in
my day by patiently welcoming the suffering and trials he permits, so he can
bring about a greater good.
Excerpts from the DIARY of Saint Faustina
Kowalska
96 +Trials sent by God to a soul which is particularly
loved by Him.
Temptations and darkness; Satan. The soul's love [for God] is still not such as God would have it. The soul suddenly loses the tangible perception of God's presence. Various defects and imperfections rise up within it, and it must fight them furiously. All her faults lift up their heads, but the soul's vigilance is great. The former awareness of the presence of God gives place to coldness and spiritual dryness; the soul has no taste for spiritual exercises; it cannot pray, either in the old way, or in the manner in which it had just begun to pray. It struggles this way and that, but can find no satisfaction. God has hidden himself from it, and it can find no consolation in creatures, nor can any of these creatures find a way of consoling it. The soul craves passionately for God, but sees its own misery; it begins to sense God's justice; it seems to it that it has lost all the gifts that God had given it; its mind is dimmed, and darkness fills it; unspeakable torment begins. The soul tries to explain its state to the confessor, but it is not understood and is assailed by an even greater unrest. Satan begins his work.
190 Once during an adoration, the Lord demanded that I
give myself up to Him as an offering, by bearing a certain suffering in
atonement, not only for the sins of the world in general, but specifically
for transgressions committed in this house. Immediately I said, "Very
good; I am ready." But Jesus gave me to see what I was going to suffer,
and in one moment the whole passion unfolded itself before my eyes. Firstly,
my intentions will not be recognized; there will be all kinds of suspicion
and distrust as well as various kinds of humiliations and adversities. I will
not mention everything here. All these things stood before my soul's eye like
a dark storm from which lightning was ready to strike at any moment, waiting
only for my consent. For a moment, my nature was frightened. Then suddenly
the dinner bell rang. I left the chapel, trembling and undecided. But the
sacrifice was ever present before me, for I had neither decided to accept it,
nor had I refused the Lord. I wanted to place myself completely in His will.
If the Lord Jesus himself were to impose it on me, I was ready. But Jesus
gave me to know that I myself was to give my free consent and accept it with
full consciousness, or else it would be meaningless. Its whole power was
contained in my free act before God. But at the same time, Jesus gave me to
understand that the decision was completely within my power. I could do it or
not do it. And so I then answered immediately, "Jesus, I accept
everything that You wish to send me; I trust in Your goodness." At that
moment, I felt that by this act I glorified God greatly. But I armed myself
with patience. As soon as I left the chapel, I had an encounter with reality.
I do not want to describe the details, but there was as much of it as I was
able to bear. I would not have been able to bear even one drop more.
224 To suffer without complaining, to bring comfort to
others and to drown my own sufferings in the most Sacred Heart of Jesus!
226 The rules that I most often
fail to obey: sometimes I break silence; disobedience to the signal of the
bell; sometimes I meddle in other people's affairs. I will do my very best to
improve.
I will avoid sisters who grumble, and if they cannot be avoided, I will at least keep silent before them, thus letting them know how sorry I am to hear such things. I must take no heed of the opinion of others, but obey the evidence of my own conscience and take God to be the witness of all my actions. I must do everything and act in all matters now as I would like to do and act at the hour of my death. For this reason, in every action I must be mindful of God. Avoid presumed permissions.[67] I must report [even] small things to my superiors, and do so in as much detail as is possible. I must be faithful in my spiritual exercises; I must not easily ask to be dispensed from them. I must keep silence outside the time of recreation, and avoid jokes and witty words that make others laugh and break silence. I must have great appreciation for even the most minute rules. I must not let myself become absorbed in the whirl of work, [but] take a break to look up to heaven. Speak little with people, but a good deal with God. Avoid familiarity. I must pay little attention as to who is for me and who is against me. I must not tell others about those things I have had to put up with. I must avoid speaking out loud to others during work. I must maintain peace and equanimity during times of suffering. In difficult moments I must take refuge in the wounds of Jesus; I must seek consolation, comfort, light and affirmation in the wounds of Jesus.
227 +In the midst of trials I will
try to see the loving hand of God. Nothing is as constant as suffering-it
always faithfully keeps the soul company. O Jesus, I will let no one surpass
me in loving You!
303 Great love can change small things into great ones,
and it is only love which lends value to our actions. And the purer our love
becomes, the less there will be within us for the flames of suffering to feed
upon, and the suffering will cease to be a suffering for us; it will become a
delight! By the grace of God, I have received such a disposition of heart
that I am never so happy as when I suffer for Jesus, whom I love with every
beat of my heart.
Once when I was suffering greatly, I left my work and escaped to Jesus and asked Him to give me His strength. After a very short prayer I returned to my work filled with enthusiasm and joy. Then, one of the sisters [probably Sister Justine] said to me, "You must have many consolations today, Sister; you look so radiant. Surely, God is giving you no suffering, but only consolations." "You are greatly mistaken, Sister," I answered, "for it is precisely when I suffer much that my joy is greater; and when I suffer less, my joy also is less." However, that soul was letting me recognize that she does not understand what I was saying. I tried to explain to her that when we suffer much we have a great chance to show God that we love Him; but when we suffer little we have less occasion to show God our love; and when we do not suffer at all, our love is then neither great nor pure. By the grace of God, we can attain a point where suffering will become a delight to us, for love can work such things in pure souls.
308 1934, Holy Thursday. Jesus
said to me, I desire that you make an offering of yourself for sinners and
especially for those souls who have lost hope in God's mercy.
God and Souls. An Act of Oblation.
309 Before heaven and earth,
before all the choirs of Angels, before the Most Holy Virgin Mary, before all
the Powers of heaven, I declare to the One Triune God that today, in union
with Jesus Christ, Redeemer of souls, I make a voluntary offering of myself
for the conversion of sinners, especially for those souls who have lost hope
in God's mercy. This offering consists in my accepting, with total subjection
to God's will, all the sufferings, fears and terrors with which sinners are
filled. In return, I give them all the consolations which my soul receives
from my communion with God. In a word, I offer everything for them: Holy
Masses, Holy Communions, penances, mortifications, prayers. I do not fear the
blows, blows of divine justice, because I am united with Jesus. O my God, in
this way I want to make amends to You for the souls that do not trust in Your
goodness. I hope against all hope in the ocean of Your mercy. My Lord and my
God, my portion-my portion forever, I do not base this act of oblation on my
own strength, but on the strength that flows from the merits of Jesus Christ.
I will daily repeat this act of self-oblation by pronouncing the following
prayer which You yourself have taught me, Jesus:
"O Blood and Water which gushed forth from the Heart of Jesus as a Fount of Mercy for us, I trust in You!" S. M. Faustina of the Blessed Sacrament Holy Thursday, during Holy Mass, March 29, 1934.
315 +Mother of God, Your soul was
plunged into a sea of bitterness; look upon Your child and teach her to
suffer and to love while suffering. Fortify my soul that pain will not break
it. Mother of grace, teach me to live by [the power of] God.
316 Once, the Mother of God came
to visit me. She was sad. Her eyes were cast down. She made it clear that She
wanted to say something, and yet, on the other hand, it was as if She did not
want to speak to me about it. When I understood this, I began to beg the
Mother of God to tell me and to look at me. Just then Mary looked at me with
a warm smile and said, You are going to experience certain sufferings
because of an illness and the doctors; you will also suffer much because of
the image, but do not be afraid of anything. The next day I fell ill and
suffered a great deal, just as the Mother of God had told me. But my soul was
ready for the sufferings. Suffering is a constant companion of my life.
319 August 9, 1934. Night
adoration on Thursdays.[79]
I made my hour of adoration from eleven o'clock till midnight. I offered it
for the conversion of hardened sinners, especially for those who have lost
hope in God's mercy. I was reflecting on how much God had suffered and on how
great was the love He had shown for us, and on the fact that we still do not
believe that God loves us so much. O Jesus, who can understand this? What
suffering it is for our Savior! How can He convince us of His love if even
His death cannot convince us? I called upon the whole of heaven to join me in
making amends to the Lord for the ingratitude of certain souls.
August 12, 1934.
321 A sudden illness-a mortal suffering. It was not death, that is to say, a passing over to real life, but a taste of the sufferings of death. Although it gives us eternal life, death is dreadful. Suddenly, I felt sick, I gasped for breath, there was darkness before my eyes, my limbs grew numb-and there was a terrible suffocation. Even a moment of such suffocation is extremely long.... There also comes a strange fear, in spite of trust. I wanted to receive the last sacraments, but it was extremely difficult to make a confession even though I desired to do so. A person does not know what he is saying; not finishing one thing, he begins another. Oh, may God keep every soul from delaying confession until the last hour! I understood the great power of the priest's words when they are poured out upon the sick person's soul. When I asked my spiritual father whether I was ready to stand before the Lord and whether I could be at peace, I received the reply, "You can be completely at peace, not only right now but after each weekly confession." Great is the divine grace that accompanies these words of the priest. The soul feels power and courage for battle.
322 O my Congregation, my mother,
how sweet it is to live in you, but it is even better to die in you!
323 After I received the last
sacraments, there was a definite improvement. I remained alone. This lasted
for half an hour and then came another attack; but this one was not so
strong, as the doctor intervened.
I united my sufferings with the sufferings of Jesus and offered them for myself and for the conversion of souls who do not trust in the goodness of God. Suddenly, my cell was filled with black figures full of anger and hatred for me. One of them said, "Be damned, you and He who is within you, for you are beginning to torment us even in hell." As soon as I said, "And the Word was made flesh and dwelt among us," the figures vanished in a sudden whir.
324 The next day, I felt very
weak, but experienced no further suffering. After Holy Communion, I saw the
Lord Jesus just as I had seen Him during one adoration. The Lord's gaze
pierced my soul through and through, and not even the least speck of dust
escaped His notice. And I said to Jesus, "Jesus, I thought You were
going to take me. "And Jesus answered, My will has not yet been fully
accomplished in you; you will still remain on earth, but not for long. I am
well pleased with your trust, but your love should be more ardent. Pure love
gives the soul strength at the very moment of dying. When I was dying on the
cross, I was not thinking about Myself, but about poor sinners, and I prayed
for them to My Father. I want your last moments to be completely similar to
Mine on the cross. There is but one price at which souls are bought, and that
is suffering united to My suffering on the cross. Pure love understands these
words; carnal love will never understand them.
326 Once, Jesus said to me, My
gaze from this image is like My gaze from the cross.
482 O my God, I am conscious of my mission in the Holy
Church. It is my constant endeavor to plead for me mercy for the world. I
unite myself closely with Jesus and stand before Him as an atoning sacrifice
on behalf of the world. God will refuse me nothing when I entreat Him with
the voice of His Son. My sacrifice is nothing in itself, but when I join it
to the sacrifice of Jesus Christ, it becomes all-powerful and has the power
to appease divine wrath. God loves us in His Son; the painful Passion of the
Son of God constantly turns aside the wrath of God.
483 O God, how I desire that souls come to know You and to
see that You have created them because of Your unfathomable love. O my
Creator and Lord, I feel that I am going to remove the veil of heaven so that
earth will not doubt Your goodness.
Make of me, Jesus, a pure and agreeable offering before the Face of Your Father. Jesus, transform me, miserable and sinful as I am, into Your own self (for You can do all things), and give me to Your Eternal Father. I want t become a sacrificial host before You, but an ordinary wafer to people. I want the fragrance of my sacrifice be known to You alone. O Eternal God, an unquenchable fire of supplication for Your mercy burns within me. I know and understand that this is my task here and in eternity. You yourself have told me to speak about this great mercy and about Your goodness.
485 I accept joy or suffering, praise or humiliation with
the same disposition. I remember that one and the other are passing. What
does it matter to me what people say about me? I have long ago given up
everything that concerns my person. My name is host-or sacrifice, not in
words but in deeds, in the emptying of myself and in becoming like You on the
Cross, O good Jesus, my Master!
507 I desire, O my Jesus, to suffer and burn with the
flame of Your love in all the circumstances of my life. I am Yours,
completely Yours, and I wish to disappear in You, O Jesus, I wish to be lost
in Your divine beauty. You pursue me with Your love, O Lord; You penetrate my
soul like a ray of the sun and change its darkness into Your light. I feel
very vividly that I am living in You as one small spark swallowed up by the
incomprehensible fire with which You burn, O inconceivable Trinity! No
greater joy is to be found than that of loving God. Already here on earth we
can taste the happiness of those in heaven by an intimate union with God, a
union that is extraordinary and often quite incomprehensible to us. One can
attain this very grace through simple faithfulness of soul.
509 In the adversities that I experience, I remind myself
that the time for doing battle has not yet come to an end. I arm myself with
patience, and in this way I defeat my assailant.
530 To the Glory of the Holy Trinity.
I asked Mother Superior [Borgia] to permit me to make a forty-day fast, taking once a day a piece of bread and a glass of water. However, following the advice of my confessor [Father Sopocko], Mother Superior did not agree to forty days, but to seven. "I cannot take you away from your duties completely, Sister, because of the other sisters who might notice something. I give you my permission to devote yourself to prayer and to note down some of these things, but it will be very difficult for me to protect you as regards the fasting. Really, I can think of no solution to this," and she said, "Go now, Sister, and perhaps some light will come to me." On Sunday morning, I understood that when Mother Superior assigned me as portress during mealtime, she was doing so with the thought of giving me the opportunity to fast. In the morning, I did not go to breakfast, but, a little while later, I went to Mother Superior and asked her whether I had been assigned as portress in view of making it possible for me to fast unnoticed. Mother replied, "When I assigned you, [106] Sister, it was with this in mind." I then saw that this was the same thought that I had had interiorly.
531 November 24, 1935. Sunday, first day. I went at once
before the Blessed Sacrament and offered myself with Jesus, present in the
Most Holy Sacrament, to the Everlasting Father. Then I heard these words in
my soul: Your purpose and that of your companions is to unite yourselves
with Me as closely as possible; through love You will reconcile earth with
heaven, you will soften the just anger of God, and you will plead for mercy
for the world. I place in your care two pearls very precious to My Heart:
these are the souls of priests and religious. You will pray particularly for
them; their power will come from your diminishment. You will join prayers,
fasts, mortifications, labors and all sufferings to My prayer, fasting,
mortification, labors and sufferings and then they will have power before My
Father.
538 There will be no distinction between the sisters, no
mothers,[107] no reverends, no venerables, but all will be equal,
even though there might be great differences in their parentage. We know who
Jesus was, and yet how He humbled himself and with whom He associated. Their
habit will be like that worn by Jesus during His Passion, and they will not
simply wear the robe [He wore]; they must also seal themselves with the marks
He bore: suffering and scorn. Each one will strive for the greatest
self-denial and have a love of humility, and she who will distinguish herself
most in this latter virtue will be the one who is capable of leading the
others.
540 In the evening when I was writing, I heard a voice in
my cell which said, "Do not leave this Congregation; have mercy upon
yourself, such great sufferings are in store for you." When I looked in
the direction of the voice, I saw nothing, and I continued to write. Suddenly
I heard a noise and the words: "When you leave, we will destroy you. Do
not torture us." I glanced around and saw many ugly monsters. So I
mentally made the sign of the Cross and they disappeared immediately. How
terribly ugly Satan is! The poor damned souls that have to keep him company!
Just the sight of him is more disgusting than all the torments of hell.
546 Meals. We will have no meat. Our meals shall be such
that not even the poor will have any reason to envy us. Still, feast days may
differ slightly from regular days. The sisters will eat three times a day.
Fasts, especially the two great ones, will be observed strictly, according to
the original spirit. The food should be the same for all the nuns without
exception so that communal life may be kept pure. This refers not only to
food but to clothing and the furnishing of cells as well. However, if a
sister should fall ill, she should receive every consideration.
571 O my Jesus, Eternal Truth, I fear nothing, neither
hardships nor sufferings; I fear only one thing, and that is to offend You.
My Jesus, I would rather not exist than make You sad. Jesus, You know that my
love knows no one but You. My soul is absorbed in You.
572 Oh, how great should be the ardor of every soul who
will live in that convent, since God desires to come and live with us! Let
everyone remember that if we religious do not intercede before God, who will?
Each of us should burn like a pure sacrifice before the majesty of God, but
to be pleasing to God, each one should unite herself closely to Jesus. It is
only with Him, in Him and through Him that we can be pleasing to God.
573 December 21, 1935. One day my confessor [Father
Sopocko] told me to go and look at a certain house to see whether it was the
same house I had seen in my vision. When I went with my confessor to see that
house, or rather those ruins, at a glance I recognized that they were the
same as I had seen in my vision. The moment I touched the boards which had
been nailed together in place of the doors, a strength pervaded my soul like
a flash, giving me unshakable certitude. I went away quickly from that place,
my heart full of joy, for it seemed to me that there was a certain force
chaining me to that place.
I am very happy to see that everything agrees perfectly with what I saw in the vision. When the confessor spoke to me about the arrangement of the cells and other things, I recognized everything to be the same as had been told to me by Jesus. I am delighted that God is acting in this way through my confessor, but I am not surprised that God is giving him so much light; since God, who is Light itself, lives in a pure and humble heart, and all sufferings and adversities serve but to reveal the soul's holiness. When I returned home, I went immediately to our chapel to rest a while. Then suddenly I heard these words in my soul: Do not fear anything. I am with you. These matters are in My hands and I will bring them to fruition according to My mercy, for nothing can oppose My will.
575 Midnight Mass. During Holy Mass, I again saw the
little Infant Jesus, extremely beautiful, joyfully stretching out His little
arms to me. After Holy Communion, I heard the words: I am always in your
heart; not only when you receive Me in Holy Communion, but always. I
spent these holydays in great joy.
576 O Holy Trinity, Eternal God, my spirit is drowned in
Your beauty. The ages are as nothing in Your sight. You are always the same.
Oh, how great is Your majesty. Jesus, why do You conceal Your majesty, why
have You left Your heavenly throne and dwelt among us? The Lord answered me, My
daughter, love has brought Me here, and love keeps Me here. My daughter, if you
knew what great merit and reward is earned by one act of pure love for Me,
you would die of joy. I am saying this that you may constantly unite yourself
with Me through love, for this is the goal of the life of your soul. This act
is an act of the will. Know that a pure soul is humble. When you lower and
empty yourself before My majesty, I then pursue you with My graces and make
use of My omnipotence to exalt you.
593 O my Jesus, nothing is better for the soul than
humiliations. In contempt is the secret of happiness, when the soul
recognizes that, of itself, it is only wretchedness and nothingness, and that
whatever it possesses of good is a gift of God. When the soul sees that
everything is given it freely and that the only thing it has of itself is its
own misery, this is what sustains it in a continual act of humble prostration
before the majesty of God. And God, seeing the soul in such a disposition,
pursues it with His graces. As the soul continues to immerse itself more
deeply into the abyss of its nothingness and need, God uses His omnipotence
to exalt it. If there is a truly happy soul upon earth, it can only be a
truly humble soul. At first, one's self-love suffers greatly on this account,
but after a soul has struggled courageously, God grants it much light by
which it sees how wretched and full of deception everything is. God alone is
in its heart. A humble soul does not trust itself, but places all its
confidence in God. God defends the humble soul and lets Himself into its
secrets, and the soul abides in unsurpassable happiness which no one can
comprehend.
605 O Holy Trinity, Eternal God, I thank You for allowing
me to know the greatness and the various degrees of glory to which souls
attain. Oh, what a great difference of depth in the knowledge of God there is
between one degree and another! Oh, if people could only know this! O my God,
if I were thereby able to attain one more degree, I would gladly suffer all
the torments of the martyrs put together. Truly, all those torments seem as
nothing to me compared with the glory that is awaiting us for all eternity. O
Lord, immerse my soul in the ocean of Your divinity and grant me the grace of
knowing You; for the better I know You, the more I desire You, and the more
my love for You grows. I feel in my soul an unfathomable abyss which only God
can fill. I lose myself in Him as a drop does in the ocean. The Lord has
inclined himself to my misery like a ray of the sun upon a barren and rocky
desert. And yet, under the influence of His rays, my soul has become covered
with verdure, flowers, and fruit, and has become a beautiful garden for His
repose.
606 My Jesus, despite Your graces, I see and feel all my
misery. I begin my day with battle and end it with battle. As soon as I
conquer one obstacle, ten more appear to take its place. But I am not
worried, because I know that this is the time of struggle, not peace. When
the burden of the battle becomes too much for me, I throw myself like a child
into the arms of the heavenly Father and trust I will not perish. O my Jesus,
how prone I am to evil, and this forces me to be constantly vigilant. But I
do not lose heart. I trust God's grace, which abounds in the worst misery.
607 In the midst of the worst difficulties and
adversities, I do not lose inner peace or exterior balance, and this
discourages my adversaries. Patience in adversity gives power to the soul.
611 O my Jesus, I implore You by the goodness of Your most
sweet Heart, let Your anger diminish and show us Your mercy. May Your wounds
be our shield against Your Father's justice. I have come to know You, O God,
as the source of mercy that vivifies and nourishes every soul. Oh, how great
is the mercy of the Lord; it surpasses all His other qualities! Mercy is the
greatest attribute of God; everything that surrounds me speaks to me of this.
Mercy is the life of souls; His compassion is inexhaustible. O Lord, look on
us and deal with us according to Your countless mercies, according to Your
great mercy.
615 March 1, 1936. Today during Holy Mass I experienced a
strange force and urge to start realizing God's wishes. I had such a clear
understanding of the things the Lord was asking of me that truly if I were to
say that I do not understand what God is demanding from me, I would be lying,
because the Lord is making His will known to me so clearly and distinctly
that I do not have the least shadow of a doubt about them. I realized that it
would be the greatest ingratitude to delay any longer this undertaking which
the Lord wishes to bring to fulfillment for His glory and the benefit of a
great number of souls. And He is using me as a miserable tool through which
to realize His eternal plans of mercy. Truly, how ungrateful my soul would be
to resist God's will any longer. Nothing will stop me any longer, be it
persecution, sufferings, sneers, threats, entreaties, hunger, cold, flattery,
friendships, adversities, friends or enemies; be it things I am experiencing
now or things that will come in the future or even the hatred of hellnothing
will deter me from doing the will of God.
I am not counting on my own strength, but on His omnipotence for, as he gave me the grace of knowing His holy will, He will also grant me the grace of fulfilling it. I cannot fail to mention how much my own lower nature resists this thing, manifesting its own desires, and there results within my soul a great struggle, like that of Jesus in the Garden of Olives. And so I too cry out to God, the Eternal Father, "If it is possible, take this cup from me, but, nevertheless, not my will, but Yours be done, O Lord; may Your will be done." What I am about to go through is no secret to me, but with full knowledge I accept whatever You send me, O Lord. I trust in You, O merciful God, and I wish to be the first to manifest to You that confidence which You demand of souls. O Eternal Truth, help me and enlighten me along the roadways of life, and grant that Your will be accomplished in me. My God, I desire nothing but the fulfillment of Your will. It does not matter whether it will be easy or difficult. I feel an extraordinary force driving me to action. One thing alone holds me back, and that is holy obedience. O my Jesus, You urge me on the one hand and hold me back and restrain me on the other. In this, too, O my Jesus, may Your holy will be done. I continued in this state, without a break, for many days. My physical strength declined, and though I did not speak to anyone about it, nevertheless Mother Superior [Borgia] noticed my pain and remarked that I had changed in appearance and was very pale. She told me to go to bed earlier and to sleep longer, and she had a cup of hot milk brought to me in the evening. She had a motherly heart, full of care, and tried to help me. But in the case of spiritual sufferings, external things have no influence, and they do not bring much relief. It was from the confessional that I drew my strength and the consolation of knowing that it would not be long before I could begin to act.
633 I am greatly surprised at how one can be so jealous.
When I see someone else's good, I rejoice at it as if it were mine. The joy
of others is my joy, and the suffering of others is my suffering, for
otherwise I would not dare to commune with the Lord Jesus. The spirit of
Jesus is always simple, meek, sincere; all malice, envy, and unkindness
disguised under a smile of good will are clever little devils. A severe word
flowing from sincere love does not wound the heart.
638 Jesus, drive away from me the thoughts that are not in
accord with Your will. I know that nothing now binds me to this earth but
this work of mercy.
639 Thursday. During the evening adoration, I saw Jesus
scourged and tortured. He said to me, My daughter, I desire that even in
the smallest things, you rely on your confessor. Your greatest sacrifices do
not please Me if you practice them without the confessor's permission; on the
other hand, the smallest sacrifice finds great value in My eyes, if it is
done with his permission. The greatest works are worthless in My eyes if they
are done out of self-will, and often they are not in accord with My will and
merit punishment rather than reward. And on the other hand, even the smallest
of your acts, done with the confessor's permission is pleasing in My eyes and
very dear to Me. Hold firmly to this always. Be constantly on the watch, for
many souls will turn back from the gates of hell and worship My mercy. But
fear nothing, as I am with you. Know that of yourself you can do nothing.
642 Palm Sunday. This Sunday, I experienced in a special
way the sentiments of the most sweet Heart of Jesus. My spirit was there
where Jesus was. I saw Jesus riding on a donkey's foal, and the disciples and
a great multitude with branches in their hands joyfully accompanying the Lord
Jesus. Some strewed them before His feet where He was riding, while others
raised their branches in the air, leaping and jumping before the Lord and not
knowing what to do for joy. And I saw another crowd which came out to meet
Jesus, likewise with joyful faces and with branches in their hands, and they
were crying out unceasingly with joy. There were little children there also.
But Jesus was very grave, and the Lord gave me to know how much He was
suffering at the time. And at that moment, I saw nothing but only Jesus,
whose Heart was saturated with ingratitude.
644 When I left the confessional,
a multitude of thoughts oppressed my soul. Why be sincere? What I have told
is no sin, so I have no duty to tell it to the confessor. And again, what a
relief that I do not have to heed my interior any more as long as things are
all right on the outside. I do not have to pay attention to anything or to
follow the inner voices that have often cost me so much humiliation. From now
on, I will be free. And again, a strange pain seized my soul: can I not,
then, commune with the One whom I desire so greatly? The One who is the whole
strength of my soul? I began to cry out, "To whom shall I go, O
Jesus?" But from the moment of the confessor's prohibition, great
darkness fell upon my soul. I feared lest I hear some inner voice, which
would occasion the breaking of my confessor's prohibition. And then again, I
die of longing for God. My interior is torn asunder, not having any will of
its own, since it has been turned over completely to God.
That was on Wednesday of Holy Week. The suffering intensified on Holy Thursday. When I came to make my meditation, I entered into a kind of agony. I did not feel the presence of God, but all the justice of God weighed heavily upon me. I saw myself as if knocked down for the sins of the world. Satan began to mock me, "See, now you will no longer strive to win souls; look how you've been paid! Nobody will believe you that Jesus demands this. See how much you are suffering now, and how much more you are going to suffer! After all, the confessor has now released you from all these things." Now I can live as I like, as long as things are all right outwardly. These dreadful thoughts tormented me throughout the whole hour. When it was almost time for Holy Mass, my heart was seized with pain; am I, then, to leave the Congregation? And since Father has told me that this is a kind of heresy, am I to fall away from the Church? I cried out to the Lord with a sorrowful interior cry, "Jesus, save me!" Still, not a single ray of light entered my soul, and I felt my strength failing, as if the body were separating itself from the soul. I submitted to the will of God and repeated, "O God, let whatever You have decided upon happen to me. Nothing in me is any longer my own." Then, suddenly, God's presence enveloped me and penetrated me through and through. This was just as I was receiving Holy Communion. A moment after Holy Communion, I lost all awareness of everything around me and of my whereabouts.
645 Then I saw the Lord Jesus, as He
is represented in the image, and He said to me, Tell the confessor that
this work is Mine and that I am using you as a lowly instrument. And I
said, "Jesus, I can no longer do anything You command me to do, because
my confessor has told me that all this is an illusion, and that I am not
allowed to obey any of Your commands. I will do nothing that You will tell me
to do now. I am sorry, my Lord, but I am not allowed to do anything, and I
must obey my confessor. Jesus, I most earnestly ask Your pardon. You know how
much I suffer because of this, but it can't be helped, Jesus. The confessor
has forbidden me to follow Your orders." Jesus listened to my arguments
and complaints with kindness and satisfaction. I thought the Lord Jesus would
be grievously offended but, on the contrary, He was pleased and said to me
kindly, Always tell your confessor about everything I say to you and
command you to do, and do only that for which you obtain permission. Do not
be upset, and fear nothing; I am with you. My soul was filled with joy,
and all those oppressive thoughts vanished. Certitude and courage entered my
soul.
646 But after a short while, I
entered into the sufferings which Jesus underwent in the Garden of Olives.
This lasted until Friday morning. On Friday, I experienced the Passion of
Jesus but, this time, in a different way. On that day, Father Bukowski came
from Derdy. Some strange power pushed me to go to confession and tell him
about everything that had happened to me and about what Jesus had said to me.
When I told Father, he was quite different and he said to me, "Sister,
don't be afraid of anything; you will come to no harm, for the ' Lord Jesus
will not allow it. If you are obedient and persevere in this disposition, you
need not worry about anything. God will find a way to bring about His work.
You should always have this simplicity and sincerity and tell everything to
Mother General. What I said to ; you was said as a warning, because illusions
may afflict even holy persons, and Satan's insinuations may play a part in
this, and sometimes this comes from our own selves, so one has to be careful.
And so continue as you have thus far. You can see, Sister, that the Lord is
not angered by this. And Sister, you can repeat these things that have
happened to you at present to your regular confessor [Father Sopocko]."
648 Good Friday. At three o'clock,
I saw the Lord Jesus, crucified, who looked at me and said, I thirst.
Then I saw two rays issue from His side, just as they appear in the image. I
then felt in my soul the desire to save souls and to empty myself for the
sake of poor sinners. I offered myself, together with the dying Jesus, to the
Eternal Father, for the salvation of the whole world. With Jesus, through
Jesus and in Jesus is my communion with You, Eternal Father. On Good Friday,
Jesus suffered in His soul in a way which was different from [His suffering
on] Holy Thursday.
650 O my Jesus, my Master and
Director, strengthen and enlighten me in these difficult moments of my life.
I expect no help from people; all my hope is in You. I feel alone in the face
of Your demands, O Lord. Despite the fears and qualms of my nature, I am
fulfilling Your holy will and desire to fulfill it as faithfully as possible
throughout my life and in my death. Jesus, with You I can do all things. Do
with me as You please; only give me Your merciful Heart and that is enough
for me.
O Jesus my Lord, help me. Let what You have planned before all ages happen to me. I am ready at each beckoning of Your holy will. Enlighten my mind that I may know Your will. O God, You who pervade my soul, You know that I desire nothing but Your glory. O Divine Will, You are the delight of my heart, the food of my soul, the light of my intellect, the omnipotent strength of my will; for when I unite myself with Your will, O Lord, Your power works through me and takes the place of my feeble will. Each day, I seek to carry out God's wishes.
653 April 25, 1936. Walendow. On
that day, the suffering in my soul was more severe than ever before. From early
morning, I felt as if my body and soul had separated. I felt that God's
presence had penetrated my whole being; I felt all the justice of God within
me; I felt I stood alone before God. I thought: one word from my spiritual
director would set me entirely at peace; but what can I do?-he is not here.
However, I decided to seek light in holy confession. When I uncovered my soul
to the priest, [134]
he was afraid to continue hearing my confession, and that caused me even
greater suffering. When I see that a priest is fearful, I do not obtain any
inner peace. So I have decided that only to my spiritual director will I open
my soul in all matters, from the greatest to the least, and that I will
follow his directions strictly.
654 Now I understand that confession is only the confessing of one's sins, and spiritual guidance is a different thing altogether. But this is not what I want to speak about. I want to tell about a strange thing that happened to me for the first time. When the confessor started talking to me, I did not understand a single word. Then I saw Jesus Crucified and He said to me, It is in My Passion that you must seek light and strength. After the confession, I meditated on Jesus' terrible Passion, and I understood that what I was suffering was nothing compared to the Savior's Passion, and that even the smallest imperfection was the cause of this terrible suffering. Then my soul was filled with very great contrition, and only then I sensed that I was in the sea of the unfathomable mercy of God. Oh, how few words I have to express what I am experiencing! I feel I am like a drop of dew engulfed in the depths of the bottomless ocean of divine mercy.
669 July 16. I am learning how to
be good from Jesus, from Him who is goodness itself, so that I may be called
a daughter of the heavenly Father. This morning, when someone hurt my
feelings, I tried, in that suffering, to unite my will to the will of God,
and I praised God by my silence. In the afternoon, I went for a five-minute
adoration, when suddenly I saw the crucifix I have on my breast come alive.
Jesus said to me, My daughter, suffering will be a sign to you that I am
with you. My soul was greatly moved by these words.
670 O Jesus, my Master and my
Director, it is only with You that I can converse. With no one else is it so
easy to talk as with You, O God.
678 The essence of the virtues is
the will of God. He who does the will of God faithfully, practices all the
virtues. In all the events and circumstances of my life, I adore and bless
the holy will of God. The holy will of God is the object of my love. In the
most secret depths of my soul, I live according to His will. I act exteriorly
according to what I recognize inwardly as the will of God. Sweeter to me are
the torments, sufferings, persecutions and all manner of adversities by
divine will than popularity, praise and esteem by my own will.
700 + Once, when I was very tired
and in much pain, I told Mother Superior [Irene] about it and received the
answer that I should get used to suffering. I listened to everything that
Mother told me, and then I went out. Our Mother Superior has great love of
neighbor and especially great love for the sick sisters, as everyone knows.
And yet, as regards me, it is extraordinary that the Lord Jesus has permitted
that she not understand me and that she test me much in this respect.
1032 + During Holy Mass, I saw the
Lord Jesus nailed upon the cross amidst great torments. A soft moan issued
from His Heart. After some time, He said, I thirst. I thirst for the
salvation of souls. Help Me, My daughter, to save souls. Join your sufferings
to My Passion and offer them to the heavenly Father for sinners.
(Diary
of Sister Faustina Kowalska Notebook-I-96, 190, 224, 226-227, 303, 308-309)
(Diary
of Sister Faustina Kowalska Notebook-I-315-316, 319, 321-324, 326, 482-483)
(Diary
of Sister Faustina Kowalska Notebook-I-485, 507, 509)
(Diary
of Sister Faustina Kowalska Notebook-II-530-531, 538, 540, 546, 571-573, 575)
(Diary
of Sister Faustina Kowalska Notebook-II-576, 593, 605-607, 611, 615, 633,
638)
(Diary
of Sister Faustina Kowalska Notebook-II-639-642, 644-646, 648, 650)
(Diary
of Sister Faustina Kowalska Notebook-II-653-654, 669, 670, 678, 700)
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