Tough Moments
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August 12, 2015. Wednesday of the Nineteenth Week in Ordinary
Time
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Father Steven Reilly, LC
Matthew 18: 15-20
Jesus said to his
disciples: "If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault
between you and him alone. If he listens to you, you have won over your
brother. If he does not listen, take one or two others along with you, so
that ´every fact may be established on the testimony of two or three
witnesses.´ If he refuses to listen to them, tell the church. If he refuses
to listen even to the church, then treat him as you would a Gentile or a tax
collector. Amen, I say to you, whatever you bind on earth shall be bound in
heaven, and whatever you loose on earth shall be loosed in heaven. Again,
amen, I say to you, if two of you agree on earth about anything for which
they are to pray, it shall be granted to them by my heavenly Father. For
where two or three are gathered together in my name, there am I in the midst
of them."
Introductory
Prayer: Father, thank You for this time of prayer. Help me to be attentive to
the inspirations of Your Holy Spirit. This day may be filled with many
challenges and activities but throughout them all I invite You to be with me.
Petition: Lord, help me to
me an instrument of your peace.
1. If Your Brother
Sins Against You: Catholic life is filled with many peaks and valleys. The Church’s soul
is the Holy Spirit, but the body’s members can be less than saintly. At
times, people can be scandalized by the “humanity” of the Church. “Isn’t he a
Catholic? How can he do that?” Jesus, however, was not surprised, and we find
him in the Gospel today outlining a procedure to deal with sinful behavior.
Our love for the Church is realistic: Jesus came to save sinners; we can’t be
surprised when we encounter sin. But realism isn’t cynical. We know that God
is infinitely more powerful than our sinfulness. “Where sin has abounded,
grace has abounded all the more” (Romans 5:20).
2. Fraternal
Correction: Very often the sin that we encounter in the Church is right under our
own roof. Fraternal correction can be a duty of charity; however, if we
relish the thought, that’s a bad sign. We need to purify our intention of
wounded pride or any thought of payback. Our motive must be to truly help the
other person. Part of this is the desire to be effective, and this means
doing things the right way. Going public is not the first step, as the Lord
makes clear. By quietly seeking reconciliation we can do much to bring
healing to our relationships.
3. The Power of
Prayer: Interpersonal conflicts can be among the heaviest crosses that we
bear. When the hurts and the slights have accumulated beyond counting and
forgiveness is either hard to give or hard to obtain, what is there left to
do? The Lord tells us: Pray! Get others to pray with us and for us. “Where
two or three are gathered in my name.…” The Lord wants to act in and through
our prayer. As Catholics who believe in the gospels, we know that miracles
happen. Sometimes it may seem that only a miracle will bring about reconciliation.
Miracles will come only to those who ask for them.
Conversation with
Christ: Lord, You taught us to gather together in prayer. Grant your Church
greater unity and charity. Help us to help each other. Give us the humility
to be open to correction. I believe that Your love will triumph!
Resolution: I will pray
fervently before correcting anyone.
Excerpts from the DIARY of Saint Faustina
Kowalska
17 At last the time
came when the door of the convent was opened for me - it was the first of
August [1925], in the evening, the vigil [of a feast] of Our Lady of the
Angels. I felt immensely happy; it seemed to em that I had stepped into the
life of Paradise. A single prayer was bursting forth from my heart, one of
thanksgiving.
18 However,
after three weeks I became aware that there is so very little time here for
prayer, and of many other things which spoke to my soul in favor of entering
a religious community of a stricter observance. This thought took a firm hold
of my soul, but the will of God was not in it. Still, the thought, or rather
the temptation, was growing stronger and stronger to the point where I
decided one day to announce my departure to Mother Superior and definitely to
leave [the convent]. But God arranged the circumstances in such a way that I
could not get to the Mother Superior [Michael]. I stepped into the little
chapel [7] before going to
bed, and I asked Jesus for light in this matter. But I received nothing in my
soul except a strange unrest which I did not understand. But, in spite of
everything, I made up my mind to approach Mother Superior the next morning
right afte rMass and tell her of my decision.
32 Another time
I heard these words, Go to the Superior and ask her to allow you to make a
daily hour of adoration for nine days. During this adoration try to unite
yourself in prayer with My Mother. Pray with all your heart in union with
Mary, and try also during this time to make the Way of the Cross. I
received the permission, though not for a full hour, but only for whatever
time was left me after I had carried out my duties.
41 On one
occasion I saw a servant of God in the immediate danger of committing a
mortal sin. I started to beg God to deign to send down upon me all the
torments of hell and all the sufferings He wished if only this priest would
be set free and snatched from the occasion of committing a sin. Jesus heard
my prayer and, that very instant, I felt a crown of thorns on my head. The
thorns penetrated my head with great force right into my brain. This lasted
for three hours; the servant of God was set free from this sin, and his soul
was strengthened by a special grace of God.
55 1933. Spiritual Counsel Given Me by Father
Andrasz, S.J.
First: You must not
turn away from these interior inspirations, but always tell everything to
your confessor. If you recognize that these interior inspirations refer to
your own self; that is to say, they are for the good of your soul or for the
good of other souls, l urge you to follow them; and you must not neglect
them, but always do so in consultation with your confessor.
Second: If these inspirations are not in accord with the faith or the spirit of the Church, they must be rejected immediately as coming from the evil spirit. Third: If these inspirations do not refer to souls, in general, nor specifically to their good, you should not take them too seriously, and it would be better to even ignore them. But you should not make this decision by yourself, either one way or the other, as you can easily be led astray despite these great favors from God. Humility, humility, and ever humility, as we can do nothing of ourselves; all is purely and simply God's grace. You say to me that God demands great trust from souls; well then, you be the first to show this trust. And one more word-accept all this with serenity. Words of one of the confessors: "Sister, God is preparing many special graces for you, but try to make your life as clear as crystal before the Lord, paying no attention to what anyone else thinks about you. Let God suffice you; He alone." Toward the end of my novitiate, a confessor [perhaps Father Theodore] told me: "Go through life doing good, so that I could write on its pages: `She spent her life doing good.' May God bring this about in you." Another time the confessor said to me, "Comport yourself before God like the widow in the Gospel; although the coin she dropped into the box was of little value, it counted far more before God than all the big offerings of others." On another occasion the instruction I received was this: " Act in such a way that all those who come in contact with you will go away joyful. Sow happiness about you because you have received much from God; give, then, generously to others. They should take leave of you with their hearts filled with joy, even if they have no more than touched the hem of your garment. Keep well in mind the words I am telling you right now." Still another time he gave me the following recommendation: "Let God push your boat out into the deep waters, toward the unfathomable depths of the interior life." Here are a few words from a conversation I had with the Mother Directress [Mary Joseph] toward the end of my novitiate: "Sister, let simplicity and humility be the characteristic traits of your soul. Go through life like a little child, always trusting, always full of simplicity and humility, content with everything, happy in every circumstance. There, where others fear, you will pass calmly along, thanks to this simplicity and humility. Remember this, Sister, for your whole life: as waters flow from the mountains down into the valleys, so, too, do God's graces flow only into humble souls."
62 O life so
dull and monotonous, how many treasures you contain! When I look at
everything with the eyes of faith, no two hours are alike, and the dullness
and monotony disappear. The grace which is given me in this hour will not be
repeated in the next. It may be given me again, but it will not be the same
grace. Time goes on, never to return again. Whatever is enclosed in it will
never change; it seals with a seal for eternity.
91 O my Jesus,
You alone know what persecutions I suffer, and this only because I am being
faithful to You and following Your orders. You are my strength; sustain me
that I may always carry out what You ask of me. Of myself I can do nothing,
but when You sustain me, all difficulties are nothing for me. O my Lord, I
can see very well that from the time when my soul first received the capacity
to know You, my life has been a continual struggle which has become
increasingly intense.
Every morning during meditation, I prepare myself for the whole day's struggle. Holy Communion assures me that I will win the victory; and so it is. I fear the day when I do not receive Holy Communion. This Bread of t lie Strong gives me all the strength I need to carry on my mission and the courage to do whatever the Lord asks of me. The courage and strength that are in me are not of me, but of Him who lives in me - it is the Eucharist. O my Jesus, the misunderstandings are so great; sometimes, were it not for the Eucharist, I would not have the courage to go any further along the way You have marked out for me.
92 Humiliation
is my daily food. I understand that the bride must herself share in
everything that is the groom's; and so His cloak of mockery must cover me,
too. At those times when I suffer much, I try to remain silent, as I do not
trust my tongue which, at such moments, is inclined to talk for itself, while
its duty is to help me praise God for all the blessings and gifts which He
has given me. When I receive Jesus in Holy Communion, I ask Him fervently to
deign to heal my tongue so that I would offend neither God nor neighbor by
it. I want my tongue to praise God without cease. Great are the faults
committed by the tongue. The soul will not attain sanctity if it does not
keep watch over its tongue.
94 O my Lord,
inflame my heart with love for You, that my spirit may not grow weary amidst
the storms, the sufferings and the trials. You see how weak I am. Love can do
all.
95 +A Deeper
Knowledge of God and the Terror of the Soul.
In the beginning, God lets himself be known as Holiness, Justice, Goodness - that is to say, Mercy. The soul does not come to know this all at once, but piecemeal, in flashes; that is to say, when God draws near. And this does not last for long, because the soul could not bear such light. During prayer the soul experiences flashes of this light which make it impossible to pray as before. Try as it may to force itself to pray as it did before, all is in vain; it becomes completely impossible for it to continue to pray as it did before it received this light. This light which has touched the soul is alive within it, and nothing can either quench or diminish it. This flash of the knowledge of God draws the soul and enkindles its love for Him. But this same flash, at the same time, allows the soul to know itself as it is; the soul sees its whole interior in a superior light, and it rises up alarmed and terrified. Still, it does not remain under the effects of terror, but it begins to purify itself, to humble and abase itself before the Lord. These lights become stronger and more frequent; the more the soul is crystallized, the more these lights penetrate it. However, if the soul has responded faithfully and courageously to these first graces, God fills it with His consolations and gives himself to it in a perceptible manner. At certain moments, the soul, as it were, enters into intimacy with God and greatly rejoices in this; it believes that it has already reached the degree of perfection destined for it, because its defects and faults are asleep within it, and this makes it think that they no longer exist. Nothing seems difficult for it; it is ready for everything. It begins to plunge itself into God and taste the divine delights. It is carried along by grace and does not take account of the fact that the time of trial and testing may come. And, in fact, this state does not last long. Other moments will soon come. I should add here, however, that the soul will respond more faithfully to divine grace if it has a well - informed confessor to whom it can confide everything.
97 Faith
staggers under the impact; the struggle is fierce. The soul tries hard to
cling to God by an act of will. With God's permission, Satan goes even
further: hope and love are put to the test. These temptations are terrible.
God supports the soul in secret, so to speak. The soul is not aware of this,
but otherwise it would be impossible to stand firm; and God knows very well
how much He can allow to befall a soul. The soul is tempted to unbelief in
respect to revealed truths and to insincerity toward the confessor. Satan
says to it, "Look, no one understands you; why speak about all
this?" Words that terrify it sound in its ears, and it seems to the soul
that it is uttering these against God. It sees what it does not want to see.
It hears what it does not want to hear. And, oh, it is a terrible thing at
times like these not to have an experienced confessor! The soul carries the
whole burden alone. However, one should make every effort to find, if it is
at all possible, a well-informed confessor, for the soul can collapse under
the burden and come to the very edge of the precipice. All these trials are
heavy and difficult. God does not send them to a soul which has not already
been admitted to a deeper intimacy with Him and which has not yet tasted the
divine delights. Besides, in this God has His own plans, which for us are
impenetrable. God often prepares a soul in this way for His future designs
and great works. He wants to try it as pure gold is tried. But this is not
yet the end of the testing; there is still the trial of trials, the complete
abandonment of the soul by God.
+ The Trial of
Trials, Complete Abandonment - Despair
98 When the soul comes out victorious from the preceding trials, even though it may stumble here and there, it fights on valiantly, humbly calling upon God, "Save me, I am perishing!" And it is still able to fight on. At this point, however, the soul is engulfed in a horrible night. It sees within itself only sin. It feels terrible. It sees itself completely abandoned by God. It feels itself to be the object of His hatred. It is but one step away from despair. The soul does its best to defend itself; it tries to stir up its confidence; but prayer is an even greater torment for it, as this prayer seems to arouse God to an even greater anger. The soul finds itself poised on the summit of a lofty mountain on the very brink of a precipice. The soul is drawn to God, but feels repulsed. All other sufferings and tortures in the world are as nothing compared with this sensation into which it has been plunged; namely, that of being rejected by God. No one can bring it any relief; it finds itself completely alone; there is no one to defend it. It raises its eyes to heaven, but is convinced that this is not for her-for her all is lost. It falls deeper and deeper from darkness to darkness, and it seems to it that it has lost forever the God it used to love so dearly. This thought is torture beyond all description. But the soul does not agree to it and tries to lift its gaze toward heaven, but in vain! And this makes the torture even more intense. If God wishes to keep the soul in such darkness, no one will be able to give it light. It experiences rejection by God in a vivid and terrifying manner. From its heart burst forth painful moans, so painful that no priest will comprehend it, unless he himself has been through these trials. In the midst of this, the evil spirit adds to the soul's suffering, mocking it: "Will you persist in your faithfulness? This is your reward; you are in our power!" But Satan has only as much influence over the soul as God allows him, and God knows how much we can bear. "What have you gotten out of your mortifications," says Satan, "and out of your fidelity to the rule? What use are all these efforts? You have been rejected by God!" This word, rejected, becomes a fire which penetrates every nerve to the marrow of the bone. It pierces right through her entire being. The ordeal reaches its climax. The soul no longer looks for help anywhere. It shrinks into itself and loses sight of everything; it is as though it has accepted the torture of being abandoned. This is a moment for which I have no words. This is the agony of the soul.
102 After some
time, one of the sisters came into the cell and found me almost dead. She was
frightened and went to find the Directress of Novices who, in the name of
holy obedience ordered me to get up from the ground. My strength returned
immediately, and I got up, trembling. The Directress recognized immediately
the state of my soul and spoke to me about the inscrutable mercy of God,
saying, "Do not be distressed about anything, Sister. I command this of
you in virtue of obedience." Then she said to me, "I see now,
Sister, that God is calling you to a high degree of holiness; the Lord wants
to draw you very close to Himself since He has allowed these things to happen
to you so soon. Be faithful to God, Sister, because this is a sign that He
wants you to have a high place in heaven." However, I did not understand
anything of these words. When I went into the chapel, I felt as though my
soul had been set free from everything, as though I had just come forth from
the hand of God. I perceived the inviolability of my soul; I felt that I was
a tiny child.
106 Though these
are frightening things, the soul should not be too fearful, because God will
never test us beyond what we are able to bear. On the other hand, He may
never send us such sufferings, but I write this because, if it pleases the
Lord to let a soul pass through such sufferings, it should not be afraid but,
insofar as this depends on the soul itself, it should remain faithful to God.
God will do a soul no harm, because He is Love itself, and in this
unfathomable love has called it into being. However, when I was so tormented,
I myself did not understand this.
107 O my God, I
have come to know that I am not of this earth; You, O Lord, have poured this
profound awareness into my soul. My communion is more with heaven than with
earth, though I in no way neglect my duties.
111 When, in the
midst of these interior torments, I tried to accuse myself in confession of
the smallest trifles, the priest was surprised that I had not committed
graver faults, and he said to me, "If you are as faithful as this to God
during these sufferings, this in itself is evidence to me that God is
sustaining you, Sister, with a special grace, and it is a good thing that you
do not understand this." It is a strange thing, nevertheless, that
confessors could neither understand me nor set my mind at peace concerning
these matters, until I met Father Andrasz and, later on, Father Sopocko.
114 +Oh, how
pleasing are the hymns flowing from a suffering soul! All heaven delights in
such a soul, especially when it is tested by God. It mournfully sings out its
longing for Him. Great is its beauty, because it comes from God. The soul
walks through the jungle of life, wounded by God's love. With one foot only
it touches the ground.
115 + When a
soul has come out of these tribulations, it is deeply humble. Its purity of
soul is great. It knows better without need of reflecting, as it were, what
it ought to do at a given moment and what to forbear. It feels the lightest
touch of grace and is very faithful to God. It recognizes God from afar and
continuously rejoices in Him. It discovers God very quickly in other souls
and in its environment in general. The soul has been purified by God himself.
God, as Pure Spirit, introduces the soul to a life which is purely spiritual.
God himself has first prepared and purified the soul; that is, He has made it
capable of close communion with himself. The soul, in a state of loving
repose, communes spiritually with the Lord. It speaks to God without the need
of expressing itself through the senses. God fills it with His light.
The enlightened mind sees clearly and distinguishes the various degrees of the spiritual life. It recognizes [that state] when its union with God was imperfect: where the senses were involved, and the spirit was linked with the senses in a manner-exalted and special, to be sure but not yet perfect. There is a higher and more perfect union with God; namely, intellectual union. Here, the soul is safer from illusions; its spirituality is purer and more profound. In a life where the senses are involved, there is more danger of illusion. Both for the soul and for its confessor, prudence must play a greater part. There are moments when God introduces the soul to a purely spiritual state. The senses dim and are seemingly dead. The soul is most closely united to God; it is immersed in the Deity; its knowledge is complete and perfect, not sporadic as before, but total and absolute. It rejoices in this. But I want to say more about those moments of trial; at those times the confessor must have patience with such a soul. But the soul must have even greater patience with itself.
129 Satan always
takes advantage of such moments; thoughts of discouragement began to rise to
the surface-for your faithfulness and sincerity-this is your reward. How can
one be sincere when one is so misunderstood? Jesus, Jesus, I cannot go on any
longer. Again I fell to the ground under this weight, and I broke out in a
sweat, and fear began to overcome me. I had no one to lean on interiorly.
Suddenly I heard a voice within my soul, Do not fear; I am with you. And
an unusual light illumined my mind, and I understood that I should not give
in to such sorrows. I was filled with a certain strength and left my cell
with new courage to suffer.
132 I must again
mention that there are some confessors who seem to be true spiritual fathers,
but only as long as things go well. When the soul finds itself in greater
need, they become perplexed, and either cannot or will not understand the
soul. They try to get rid of the person as soon as possible. But if the soul
is humble, it will always profit in some little way or other. God himself
will sometimes cast a shaft of light into the depths of the soul, because of
its humility and faith. The confessor will sometimes say something he had
never intended to say, without even realizing it himself. Oh, let the soul
believe that such words are the words of the Lord himself! Though indeed we
ought to believe that every word spoken in the confessional is God's, what I
have referred to above is something that comes directly from God. And the
soul perceives that the priest is not master of himself, that he is saying
things that he would rather not say. This is how God rewards faith.
I have experienced this many times myself. A certain very learned and respected priest [probably Father Wilkowski, the sisters' confessor at Plock], to whom I sometimes happened to go to confession, was always severe and opposed to these matters [which I brought up to him]. But on one occasion he replied to me, "Bear in mind, Sister, that if God is asking this of you, you should not oppose Him. God sometimes wants to be praised in just this way. Be at peace; what God has started, He will finish. But I say this to you: faithfulness to God and humility. And once again: humility. Bear well in mind what I have told you today." I was delighted, and I thought that perhaps this priest had understood me. But it so turned out that I never went to confession to him again.
136 And the Lord
gave me to know that the whole mystery depended on me, on my free consent to
the sacrifice given with full use of my faculties. In this free and conscious
act lies the whole power and value before His Majesty. Even if none of these
things for which I offered myself would ever happen to me, before the Lord
everything was as though it had already been consummated.
At that moment, I realized I was entering into communion with the incomprehensible Majesty. I felt that God was waiting for my word, for my consent. Then my spirit immersed itself in the Lord, and I said, "Do with me as You please. I subject myself to Your will. As of today, Your holy will shall be my nourishment, and I will be faithful to Your commands with the help of Your grace. Do with me as You please. I beg You, O Lord, be with me at every moment of my life."
138 A great
mystery has been accomplished between God and me. Courage and strength have
remained in my soul. When the time of adoration came to an end, I came out
and calmly faced everything I had feared so much before. When I came out into
the corridor, a great suffering and humiliation, at the hands of a certain
person, was awaiting me. I accepted it with submission to a higher will and
snuggled closely to the Most Sacred Heart of Jesus, letting Him know that I
was ready for that for which I had offered myself.
Suffering seemed to spring out of the ground. Even Mother Margaret herself was surprised. For others, many things passed unnoticed, for indeed it wasn't worth paying any attention to them; but in my case, nothing passed unnoticed; each word was analyzed, each step watched. One sister said to me, "Get ready, Sister, to receive a small cross at the hands of Mother Superior. I feel sorry for you." But as for me, I rejoiced at this in the depths of my soul and had been ready for it for a long time. When she saw my courage, she was surprised. I see now that a soul cannot do much of itself, but with God it can do all things. Behold what God's grace can do. Few are the souls that are always watchful for divine graces, and even fewer of such souls who follow those inspirations faithfully.
139 Still, a
soul which is faithful to God cannot confirm its own inspirations; it must
submit them to the control of a very wise and learned priest; and until it is
quite certain, it should remain distrustful. It should not, on its own
initiative alone, put its trust in these inspirations and all other higher
graces, because it can thus expose itself to great losses.
Even though a soul may immediately distinguish between false inspirations and those of God, it should nevertheless be careful, because many things are uncertain. God is pleased and rejoices when a soul distrusts Him for His own sake; because it loves Him, it is prudent and itself asks and searches for help to make certain that it is really God who is acting within it. And once a well-instructed confessor has confirmed this, the soul should be at peace and give itself up to God, according to His directions; that is, according to the directions of the confessor.
145 Oh, how
wretched my soul is for having wasted so many graces! I was running away from
God, and He pursued me with his graces. I most often experienced God's graces
when I least expected them. From the moment He gave me a spiritual director,
I have been more faithful to grace. Thanks to the director and his
watchfulness over my soul, I have learned what guidance means and how Jesus
looks at it. Jesus warned me of the least fault and stressed that He himself
judges the matter that I present to my confessor; and [He told me] that ... any
transgressions against the confessor touch Me myself.
When under his direction my soul began to experience deep recollection and peace, I often heard these words in my soul: Strengthen yourself for combat - repeated over and over at various times. +Jesus often makes known to me what He does not like in my soul, and He has more than once rebuked me for what seemed to be trifles, but which were, in fact, things of great importance. He has warned me and tried me like a Master. For many years He himself educated me, until the moment when He gave me a spiritual director. Previously, He himself had made clear to me what I did not understand; but now, He tells me to ask my confessor about everything and often says, I will answer you through his mouth. Be at peace. It has never happened to me that I have received an answer which was contrary to what the Lord wanted of me, when I presented it to the spiritual director [Father Sopocko]. It sometimes happens that Jesus first asks certain things of me, about which no one knows anything, and then, when I kneel at the confessional, my confessor gives me the same order-however, this is infrequent. +When, over a long period of time, a soul has received much light and many inspirations, and when the confessors have confirmed the source of these inspirations and set the soul at peace; if its love is great, Jesus now makes it known that it is time to put into action what it has received. The soul recognizes that God is counting on it, and this knowledge fortifies it. It knows that to be faithful it will often have to face various difficulties, but it trusts in God and, thanks to this trust, it reaches that point to which God is calling it. Difficulties do not terrify it; they are its daily bread, as it were. They do not frighten or terrify the soul, just as a warrior who is constantly in battle is not terrified by the roar of the cannon. Far from being frightened, it listens to determine from which side the enemy is launching his attack, in order to defeat him. It does nothing blindly, but examines and ponders everything deeply and, not counting on itself, it prays fervently and asks advice of other warriors who are experienced and wise. When the soul acts in this way, it nearly always wins. There are attacks when a soul has no time to think or seek advice; then it must enter into a life-or-death struggle. Sometimes it is good to flee for cover in the wound of the Heart of Jesus, without answering a single word. By this very act the enemy is already defeated. In time of peace, as well, the soul continues making efforts, just as in time of battle. It must exercise itself, and do so with energy; otherwise it has no chance of attaining victory. I regard the time of peace as a time of preparation for victory. The soul must be ever watchful; watchfulness and again, watchfulness. The soul that reflects receives much light. A distracted soul runs the risk of a fall, and let it not be surprised when it does fall. O Spirit of God, Director of the soul, wise is he whom You have trained! But for the Spirit of God to act in the soul, peace and recollection are needed.
146 Prayer.-A
soul arms itself by prayer for all kinds of combat. In whatever state the
soul may be, it ought to pray. A soul which is pure and beautiful must pray,
or else it will lose its beauty; a soul which is striving after this purity
must pray, or else it will never attain it; a soul which is newly converted
must pray, or else it will fall again; a sinful soul, plunged in sins, must
pray so that it might rise again. There is no soul which is not bound to
pray, for every single grace comes to the soul through prayer.
147 I recall
that I have received most light during adoration which I made lying prostrate
before the Blessed Sacrament for half an hour every day throughout Lent.
During that time I came to know myself and God more profoundly. And yet, even
though I had the superiors' permission to do so, I encountered many obstacles
to praying in such a way. Let the soul be aware that, in order to pray and
persevere in prayer, one must arm oneself with patience and cope bravely with
exterior and interior difficulties. The interior difficulties are
discouragement, dryness, heaviness of spirit and temptations. The exterior
difficulties are human respect and time; one must observe the time set apart
for prayer. This has been my personal experience because, when I did not pray
at the time assigned for prayer, later on I could not do it because of my
duties; or if I did manage to do so, this was only with great difficulty,
because my thoughts kept wandering off to my duties. I also experienced this
difficulty: when a soul has prayed well and left prayer in a state of
profound interior recollection, others resist its recollection; and so, the
soul must be patient to persevere in prayer. It often happened to me that
when my soul was more deeply immersed in God, and I had derived greater fruit
from prayer, and God's presence accompanied me during the day, and at work
there was more recollection and greater precision and effort at my duty, this
was precisely when I received the most rebukes for being negligent in my duty
and indifferent to everything; because less recollected souls want others to
be like them, for they are a constant [source of] remorse to them.
148 +A noble and
delicate soul, even the most simple, but one of delicate sensibilities, sees
God in everything, finds Him everywhere, and knows how to find Him in even
the most hidden things. It finds all things important, it highly appreciates
all things, it thanks God for all things, it draws profit for the soul from
all things, and it gives all glory to God. It places its trust in God and is
not confused when the time of ordeals comes. It knows that God is always the
best of Fathers and makes little of human opinion. It follows faithfully the
faintest breath of the Holy Spirit; it rejoices in this Spiritual Guest and
holds onto Him like a child to its mother. Where other souls come to a
standstill and fear, this soul passes on without fear or difficulty.
149 When the
Lord himself wants to be close to a soul and to lead it, He will remove
everything that is external. When I fell ill and was taken to the infirmary,
I suffered much unpleasantness because of this. There were two of us sick in
the infirmary. Sisters would come to see Sister N., but no one came to visit
me. It is true that there was only one infirmary, but each one had her own
cell. The winter nights were long, and Sister N. had the light and the radio
headphones, while I could not even prepare my meditation for lack of a light.
When nearly two weeks had passed in this way, I complained to the Lord one evening that I was suffering so much and that I could not even prepare my meditation because there was no light. And the Lord said that He would come every evening and give me the points for the next day's meditation. These points always concerned His sorrowful Passion. He would say, Consider My sufferings before Pilate. And thus, point by point, I meditated upon His sorrowful Passion for one week. From that moment, a great joy entered my soul, and I no longer wanted either the visitors or the light; Jesus sufficed me for everything. The superiors were indeed very solicitous for the sick, but the Lord ordained that I should feel forsaken. This best of masters withdraws every created thing in order that He himself might act. Many a time, I have experienced such sufferings and persecutions that Mother M. [probably Mother Margaret] herself said to me, "Sister, along your path, sufferings just spring up out of the ground. I look upon you, Sister, as one crucified. But I can see that Jesus has a hand in this. Be faithful to the Lord."
150 + I want to
write down a dream that I had about Saint Therese of the Child Jesus. I was
still a novice at the time and was going through some difficulties which I
did not know how to overcome. They were interior difficulties connected with
exterior ones. I made novenas to various saints, but the situation grew more
and more difficult. The sufferings it caused me were so great that I did not
know how to go on living, but suddenly the thought occurred to me that I
should pray to Saint Therese of the Child Jesus. I started a novena to this
Saint, because before entering the convent I had had a great devotion to her.
Lately I had somewhat neglected this devotion, but in my need I began again
to pray with great fervor.
On the fifth day of the novena, I dreamed of Saint Therese, but it was as if she were still living on earth. She hid from me the fact that she was a saint and began to comfort me, saying that I should not be worried about this matter, but should trust more in God. She said, "I suffered greatly, too," but I did not quite believe her and said, "It seems to me that you have not suffered at all." But Saint Therese answered me in a convincing manner that she had suffered very much indeed and said to me, "Sister, know that in three days the difficulty will come to a happy conclusion." When I was not very willing to believe her, she revealed to me that she was a saint. At that moment, a great joy filled my soul, and I said to her, "You are a saint?" "Yes," she answered, "I am a saint. Trust that this matter will be resolved in three days:" And I said, "Dear sweet Therese, tell me, shall I go to heaven?" And she answered, "Yes, you will go to heaven, Sister." "And will I be a saint?" To which she replied, "Yes, you will be a saint." "But, little Therese, shall I be a saint as you are, raised to the altar?" And she answered, "Yes, you will be a saint just as I am, but you must trust in the Lord Jesus." I then asked her if my mother and father would go to heaven, will [unfinished sentence] And she replied that they would. I further asked, "And will my brothers and sisters go to heaven?" She told me to pray hard for them, but gave me no definite answer. I understood that they were in need of much prayer. This was a dream. And as the proverb goes, dreams are phantoms; God is faith. Nevertheless, three days later the difficulty was solved very easily, just as she had said. And everything in this affair turned out exactly as she said it would. It was a dream, but it had its significance.
268 October 11,
1933.-Thursday.-I tried to make a Holy Hour, but began it with great
difficulty. A certain yearning started to tear at my heart. My mind was
dimmed so that I could not understand the simplest forms of prayer. And so
passed by an hour of prayer, or rather of struggle. I resolved to pray for a
second hour, but my inner sufferings increased-great dryness and
discouragement. I resolved to pray for a third hour. In the third hour, which
I resolved to spend kneeling without any support, my body started to clamor
for rest. But I in no way relented. I stretched out my arms and, though I
spoke no words, I persisted by sheer will. After a while, I took the ring off
my finger and asked Jesus to look at the ring, that sign of our eternal
union, and I offered Jesus the feelings I had had on the day of perpetual
vows. After a while, I feel my heart inundated with a wave of love. A sudden
recollection of spirit, the senses quiet down, and God's presence pervades my
soul. I know only this: that it is Jesus and I. I saw Him just as He had
appeared to me in that instant after my perpetual vows, when I was likewise
making a Holy Hour. Jesus was suddenly standing before me, stripped of His
clothes, His body completely covered with wounds, His eyes flooded with tears
and blood, His face disfigured and covered with spittle. The Lord then said
to me, The bride must resemble her Betrothed. I understood these words
to their very depth. There is no room for doubt here. My likeness to Jesus
must be through suffering and humility. See what love of human souls has
done to Me. My daughter, in your heart I find everything that so great a
number of souls refuses Me. Your heart is My repose. I often wait with great
graces until towards the end of prayer.
274 Jesus gave me the grace of knowing myself. In this
divine light I see my principal fault; it is pride which takes the form of my
closing up within myself and of a lack of simplicity in my relations with
Mother Superior [Irene].
The second light concerns speaking. I sometimes talk too much. A thing could be settled in one or two words, and as for me, I take too much time about it. But Jesus wants me to use that time to say some short indulgenced prayers for the souls in purgatory. And the Lord says that every word will be weighed on the day of judgment. The third light concerns our rules. I have not sufficiently avoided the occasions that lead to breaking the rules, especially that of silence. I will act as if the rule were written just for me; it should not affect me at all how anyone else might act, as long as I myself act as God wishes. Resolution. Whatever Jesus demands of me regarding external things, I will immediately go and tell my superiors. I shall strive for childlike openness and frankness in my relations with the superior.
275 Jesus loves hidden souls. A hidden flower is the most
fragrant. I must strive to make the interior of my soul a resting place for
the Heart of Jesus. In difficult and painful moments, O my Creator, I sing
You a hymn of trust, for bottomless is the abyss of my trust in You and in
Your mercy!
299 When, on one occasion, my
confessor told me to ask the Lord Jesus the meaning of the two rays in the
image,[77] I answered, "Very well, I will ask the
Lord."
During prayer I heard these words within me: The two rays denote Blood and Water. The pale ray stands for the Water which makes souls righteous. The red ray stands for the Blood which is the life of souls... These two rays issued forth from the very depths of My tender mercy when My agonized Heart was opened by a lance on the Cross. These rays shield souls from the wrath of My Father. Happy is the one who will dwell in their shelter, for the just hand of God shall not lay hold of him. I desire that the first Sunday after Easter be the Feast of Mercy.
300 +Ask of my faithful servant
[Father Sopocko] that, on this day, he tell the whole world of My great
mercy; that whoever approaches the Fount of Life on this day will be granted
complete remission of sins and punishment.
+Mankind will not have peace until it turns with trust to My mercy. +Oh, how much I am hurt by a soul's distrust! Such a soul professes that I am Holy and Just, but does not believe that I am Mercy and does not trust in My Goodness. Even the devils glorify My Justice but do not believe in My Goodness. My Heart rejoices in this title of Mercy.
301 Proclaim that mercy is the
greatest attribute of God. All the works of My hands are crowned with mercy.
God and
Souls. An Act of Oblation.
309 Before heaven and earth, before all the choirs of Angels, before the Most Holy Virgin Mary, before all the Powers of heaven, I declare to the One Triune God that today, in union with Jesus Christ, Redeemer of souls, I make a voluntary offering of myself for the conversion of sinners, especially for those souls who have lost hope in God's mercy. This offering consists in my accepting, with total subjection to God's will, all the sufferings, fears and terrors with which sinners are filled. In return, I give them all the consolations which my soul receives from my communion with God. In a word, I offer everything for them: Holy Masses, Holy Communions, penances, mortifications, prayers. I do not fear the blows, blows of divine justice, because I am united with Jesus. O my God, in this way I want to make amends to You for the souls that do not trust in Your goodness. I hope against all hope in the ocean of Your mercy. My Lord and my God, my portion-my portion forever, I do not base this act of oblation on my own strength, but on the strength that flows from the merits of Jesus Christ. I will daily repeat this act of self-oblation by pronouncing the following prayer which You yourself have taught me, Jesus: "O Blood and Water which gushed forth from the Heart of Jesus as a Fount of Mercy for us, I trust in You!" S. M. Faustina of the Blessed Sacrament Holy Thursday, during Holy Mass, March 29, 1934.
314 +When I went to the garden one
afternoon, my Guardian Angel said to me, "Pray for the dying." And
so I began at once to pray the rosary with the gardeners for the dying. After
the rosary, we said various prayers for the dying. After the prayers, the
wards began to chat gaily among themselves. In spite of the noise they were
making, I heard these words in my soul: "Pray for me!" But as I
could not understand these words very well, I moved a few steps away from the
wards, trying to think who it could be who was asking me to pray. Then I
heard the words: "I am Sister ...."[78]
This sister was in Warsaw while I was, at the time, in Vilnius.
"Pray for me until I tell you to stop. I am dying." Immediately, I
began to pray fervently for her, [addressing myself] to the expiring Heart of
Jesus. She gave me no respite, and I kept praying from three [o'clock] until
five. At five, I heard the words: "Thank you!" and I understood
that she had died. But during Holy Mass on the following day, I continued to
pray fervently for her soul. In the afternoon, a postcard came saying that
Sister ... had died at such and such a time. I understood that it was at the
same hour when she had said to me, "Pray for me."
320 Jesus made known to me how
very pleasing to Him were prayers of atonement. He said to me, The prayer
of a humble and loving soul disarms the anger of My Father and draws down an
ocean of blessings. After the adoration, half way to my cell, I was
surrounded by a , pack of huge black dogs who were jumping and howling and
trying to tear me to pieces. I realized that they were not dogs, but demons.
One of them spoke up in a rage, "Because you have snatched so many souls
away from us this night, we will tear you to pieces." I answered,
"If that is the will of the most merciful God, tear me to pieces, for I
have justly deserved it, because I am the most miserable of all sinners, and
God is ever holy, just, and infinitely merciful." To these words all the
demons answered as one, "Let us flee, for she is not alone; the Almighty
is with her!" And they vanished like dust, like the noise of the road,
while I continued on my way to my cell undisturbed, finishing my Te Deum and
pondering the infinite and unfathomable mercy of God.
325 1934. On the day of the
Assumption of the Mother of God, I did not assist at Holy Mass. The woman
doctor[80] did not allow me; but I prayed fervently in my cell.
After a short time, I saw the Mother of God, unspeakably beautiful. She said
to me, My daughter, what I demand from you is prayer, prayer, and once
again prayer, for the world and especially for your country. For nine days
receive Holy Communion in atonement and unite yourself closely to the Holy
Sacrifice of the Mass. During these nine days you will stand before God as an
offering; always and everywhere, at all times and places, day or night,
whenever you wake up, pray in the spirit. In spirit, one can always remain in
prayer.
330 +Once, the confessor told me
to pray for his intention, and I began a novena to the Mother of God. This
novena consisted in the prayer, "Hail, Holy Queen," recited nine
times. Toward the end of the novena I saw the Mother of God with the Infant
Jesus in Her arms, and I also saw my confessor kneeling at Her feet and
talking with Her. I did not understand what he was saying to Her, because I
was busy talking with the Infant Jesus, who came down from His Mother's arms
and approached me. I could not stop wondering at His beauty. I heard a few of
the words that the Mother of God spoke to him [i.e., my confessor] but not
everything. The words were: I am not only the Queen of Heaven, but also
the Mother of Mercy and your Mother. And at that moment She stretched out
her right hand, in which She was clasping her mantle, and She covered the
priest with it. At that moment, the vision vanished.
341 November 5, 1934. One morning,
when it was my duty to open the gate to let out our people who deliver baked
goods, I entered the little chapel to visit Jesus for a minute and to renew
the intentions of the day. Today, Jesus, I offer You all my sufferings,
mortifications and prayers for the intentions of the Holy Father, so that he
may approve the Feast of Mercy. But, Jesus, I have one more word to say to
You: I am very surprised that You bid me to talk about this Feast of Mercy,
for they tell me that there is already such a feast[81]
and so why should I talk about it? And Jesus said to me, And who knows
anything about this feast? No one! Even those who should be proclaiming My
mercy and teaching people about it often do not know about it themselves.
That is why I want the image to be solemnly blessed on the first Sunday after
Easter, and I want it to be venerated publicly so that every soul may know
about it. Make a novena for the Holy Father's intention. It should consist of
thirty-three acts; that is, repetition that many times of the short prayer-which
I have taught you-to The Divine Mercy.
392 The Lord God grants His graces
in two ways: by inspiration and by enlightenment. If we ask God for a grace,
He will give it to us; but let us be willing to accept it. And in order to
accept it, self-denial is needed. Love does not consist in words or feelings,
but in deeds. It is an act of the will; it is a gift; that is to say, a
giving. The reason, the will, the heart-these three faculties must be
exercised during prayer. I will rise from the dead in Jesus, but first I must
live in Him. If I do not separate myself from the Cross, then the Gospel will
be revealed in me. Jesus in me makes up for all my deficiencies. His grace
operates without ceasing. The Holy Trinity grants me Its life abundantly, by the
gift of the Holy Spirit. The Three Divine Persons live in me. When God loves,
He loves with all His Being, with all the power of His Being. If God has
loved me in this way, how should I respond I, His spouse?
396 My traveling companions were very kind; several women
of the Sodality of Mary were in the same compartment with me. I sensed that
one of them was suffering greatly and fighting a difficult battle in her
soul. l began to pray in spirit for this soul. At eleven o'clock these women
went to another compartment for a chat, leaving only the two of us behind in
the carriage. I could feel that my prayer was causing this soul's struggle to
become even fiercer. I did not console her, but prayed all the more
fervently. Finally, the lady turned to me and asked if she was obliged to
fulfill a certain promise which she had made to God. At that moment, I
received inner knowledge of the promise and replied, "You are absolutely
obliged to keep it, or else you will be miserable for the rest of your life.
This thought will pursue you everywhere and give you no peace."
Surprised at my answer, she opened her soul to me.
She was a schoolteacher. When she was about to take her examinations, she had promised God that if she did well in her examinations she would devote herself to His service; that is, enter a religious congregation. She passed the examinations very well. "But," she said, "when I entered into the hustle and bustle of the world, I no longer wanted to enter a convent. However, my conscience has given me no peace, and despite amusements I am always unhappy." After a lengthy conversation, she was completely changed and told me that she would immediately take steps to enter a convent. She asked me to pray for her, and I felt that God would be generous with His grace.
429 When I became aware of God's great plans for me, I was
frightened at their greatness and felt myself quite incapable of fulfilling
them, and I began to avoid interior conversations with Him, filling up the
time with vocal prayer. I did this out of humility, but I soon recognized it
was not true humility, but rather a great temptation from the devil. When, on
one occasion, instead of interior prayer, I took up a book of spiritual
reading, I heard these words spoken distinctly and forcefully within my soul,
You will prepare the world for My final coming. These words moved me
deeply, and although I pretended not to hear them, 1 understood them very
well and had no doubt about them. Once, being tired out from this battle of
love with God, and making constant excuses on the grounds that I was unable
to carry out this task, I wanted to leave the chapel, but some force held me
back and I found myself powerless. Then I heard these words, You intend to
leave the chapel, but you shall not get away from Me, for I am everywhere.
You cannot do anything of yourself, but with me you can do all things.
432 At that very moment, I felt some kind of fire in my
heart. I feel my senses deadening and have no idea of what is going on around
me. I feel the Lord's gaze piercing me through and through. I am very much
aware of His greatness and my misery. An extraordinary suffering pervades my
soul, together with a joy I cannot compare to anything. I feel powerless in
the embrace of God. I feel that I am in Him and that I am dissolved in Him
like a drop of water in the ocean. I cannot express what takes place within
me; after such interior prayer, I feel strength and power to practice the
most difficult virtues. I feel dislike for all things that the world holds in
esteem. With all my soul I desire silence and solitude.
438 June 30, 1935. At the very beginning of Holy Mass on
the following day, I saw Jesus in all His unspeakable beauty. He said to me
that He desired that such a Congregation be founded as soon as
possible, and you shall live in it together with your companions. My Spirit
shall be the rule of your life. Your life is to be modeled on Mine, from the
crib to My death on the Cross. Penetrate My mysteries, and you will
know the abyss of My mercy towards creatures and My unfathomable
goodness-and this you shall make known to the world. Through your
prayers, you shall mediate between heaven and earth.
476 The next morning, when I
entered chapel, I heard these words interiorly: Every time you enter the
chapel, immediately recite the prayer which I taught you yesterday. When
I had said the prayer, in my soul I heard these words: This prayer will
serve to appease My wrath. You will recite it for nine days, on the beads of
the rosary, in the following manner: First of all, you will say one OUR
FATHER and HAIL MARY and the I BELIEVE IN GOD. Then on the OUR FATHER beads
you will say the following words: "Eternal Father, I offer You the Body
and Blood, Soul and Divinity of Your dearly beloved Son, Our Lord Jesus Christ,
in atonement for our sins and those of the whole world." On the HAIL
MARY beads you will say the following words: "For the sake of His
sorrowful Passion have mercy on us and on the whole world." In
conclusion, three times you will recite these words: "Holy God, Holy
Mighty One, Holy Immortal One, have mercy on us and on the whole world."
[100]
478 O my Jesus, You know, You
alone know well that my heart knows no other love but You! All my virginal
love is drowned eternally in You, O Jesus! I sense keenly ho Your divine
Blood is circulating in my heart; I have no the least doubt that Your most
pure love has entered m heart with Your most sacred Blood. I am aware did You
are dwelling in me, together with the Father and the Holy Spirit, or
ratherIam aware that it is I who it living in You, O incomprehensible God! I
am aware that I am dissolving in You like a drop in an ocean. I am aware that
You are within me and all about me, that You are in all things that surround
me, in all that happens to me. O my God, I have come to know You within my
heart, and I have loved You above all things that exist on earth or in
heaven. Our hearts have a mutual understanding, and no one of humankind will
comprehend this.
486 Jesus, when You come to me in
Holy Communion, You who together with the Father and the Holy Spirit have
deigned to dwell in the little heaven of my heart, I try to keep You company
throughout the day, I do not leave You alone for even a moment. Although I am
in the company of other people or with our wards, my heart is always united
to Him. When I am asleep I offer Him every beat of my heart; when I awaken I
immerse myself in Him without saying a word. When I awaken I adore the Holy
Trinity for a short while and thank God for having deigned to give me yet
another day, that the mystery of the incarnation of His Son may once more be
repeated in me, and that once again His sorrowful Passion may unfold before
my eyes. I then try to make it easier for Jesus to pass through me to other
souls. I go everywhere with Jesus; His presence accompanies me everywhere.
526 +
The 14th. This Thursday, when we were having nocturnal adoration, at first I
could not pray; a sort of dryness engulfed me. I could not meditate on Jesus'
sorrowful Passion. So I lay prostrate and offered the most sorrowful Passion
of the Lord Jesus to the heavenly Father in reparation for the sins of all
the world. When I got to my feet after this prayer and walked to my kneeler,
I suddenly saw Jesus next to it. The Lord Jesus appeared as He was during the
scourging. In His hands He was holding a white garment with which He clothed
me and a cord with which He girded me, and He covered me with a red cloak
like the one He was clothed with during His Passion and a veil of the same
color, and He said to me, This is how you and your companions are going to
be clothed. My life from birth to death on the Cross will be the rule for
you. Fix your eyes upon Me and live according to what you see. I desire that
you penetrate into My spirit more deeply and understand that I am meek and
humble of heart.
531 November 24, 1935. Sunday, first day. I went at once
before the Blessed Sacrament and offered myself with Jesus, present in the
Most Holy Sacrament, to the Everlasting Father. Then I heard these words in
my soul: Your purpose and that of your companions is to unite yourselves
with Me as closely as possible; through love You will reconcile earth with
heaven, you will soften the just anger of God, and you will plead for mercy
for the world. I place in your care two pearls very precious to My Heart:
these are the souls of priests and religious. You will pray particularly for
them; their power will come from your diminishment. You will join prayers,
fasts, mortifications, labors and all sufferings to My prayer, fasting,
mortification, labors and sufferings and then they will have power before My
Father.
(Diary
of Sister Faustina Kowalska Notebook-I-17-18, 32, 41, 55, 62, 91-92, 94-95)
(Diary
of Sister Faustina Kowalska Notebook-I-97-98, 102, 106-107, 111, 114-115)
(Diary
of Sister Faustina Kowalska Notebook-I-129, 132, 136, 139, 145-150, 268)
(Diary
of Sister Faustina Kowalska Notebook-I-274-275, 299-301, 309, 314, 320, 325)
(Diary
of Sister Faustina Kowalska Notebook-I-330, 341, 392, 429, 432, 438, 476,
478)
(Diary
of Sister Faustina Kowalska Notebook-I-486)
(Diary
of Sister Faustina Kowalska Notebook-II-526, 531)
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