Time of Fasting
February 12, 2016. Friday after Ash Wednesday
Matthew 9:14-15
The disciples of John
approached Jesus and said, "Why do we and the Pharisees fast much, but
your disciples do not fast?" Jesus answered them, "Can the wedding
guests mourn as long as the bridegroom is with them? The days will come when
the bridegroom is taken away from them, and then they will fast."
Introductory Prayer: Lord, You know how
much I need You and depend on You for everything. You know my weakness and my
faults. I put all my confidence in Your love and mercy. I wish to trust in Your
power, Your promise, and Your grace every day. Today I intend, with Your help,
to follow You along the way of the cross with love and generosity so as to draw
close to You.
Petition: Lord, let me learn
to embrace sacrifice as the way of reparation and purification.
1. These Are the Days: Jesus said the
time would come when his disciples would fast. Now that the Lord has returned
in glory to the Father, it is up to us to continue the work of salvation, “what
is lacking in Christ´s afflictions for the sake of his body, that is, the
church” (Colossians 1:24), as St. Paul says. We join our sacrifice to that of
Jesus in order to imitate him and bring grace to ourselves and to others. Every
Christian life must incorporate a healthy spirit of sacrifice and
self-denial.
2. Feel the Hunger: The hunger we
experience when we fast is a symbol of the deeper spiritual hunger we should
feel for God and for heaven. This world often makes us all too comfortable, and
we easily forget that this is not our true home. We are pilgrims traveling
through a foreign land, far from our final resting place. Fasting reminds us of
the longing a traveler has to reach his destination safely and finally to
rejoice in being home for good. The true Christian looks forward with hope
toward heaven, where he will rest with God forever in true happiness. He knows
that all the good things this world offers are only shadows of the wonderful
things God has planned for those who love him (cf. Romans 8:28).
3. Hunger for Souls: From the cross,
Jesus said, “I thirst.” That thirst was for all people to be reconciled to the
Father. It was a thirst for souls to return to the love of God and find their
way to the heavenly Kingdom. Voluntary sacrifice and self-denial, if we offer
it for the conversion of the hearts of others, brings them the grace they need
to change and turn back to God. No one can convert himself, and no one in
serious sin can merit his way to the grace of God. We need to intercede by
means of our personal prayer and sacrifice to gain others the supernatural
grace they need to overcome their obstacles. The greatest act of charity we can
perform and the greatest joy we can experience is to bring a soul back to the Lord.
How many souls are waiting for our prayer and sacrifice?
Conversation with
Christ: Lord, make me generous and joyful in sacrifice, knowing that sacrifice
unites me closer to You and wins the grace of conversion for so many souls you
love and for whom You died.
Resolution: I will choose one
person I know who needs God’s grace and offer all my sacrifices today for them.
Excerpts from the DIARY of
Saint Faustina Kowalska
36 Once I was summoned to the
judgment [seat] of God. I stood alone before the Lord. Jesus appeared such as
we know Him during His Passion. After a moment, His wounds disappeared except
for five, those in His hands, His feet and His side. Suddenly I saw the
complete condition of my soul as God sees it. I could clearly see all that is displeasing
to God. I did not know that even the smallest transgressions will have to be
accounted for. What a moment! Who can describe it? To stand before the
Thrice-Holy God! Jesus asked me, Who are you? I answered, "I am
Your servant, Lord." You are guilty of one day of fire in purgatory. I
wanted to throw myself immediately into the flames of purgatory, but Jesus
stopped me and said, Which do you prefer, suffer now for one day in purgatory
or for a short while on earth? I replied, "Jesus, I want to suffer in
purgatory, and I want to suffer also the greatest pains on earth, even if it
were until the end of the world." Jesus said, One [of the two] is
enough; you will go back to earth, and there you will suffer much, but not for
long; you will accomplish My will and My desires, and a faithful servant of
Mine will help you to do this. Now, rest your head on My bosom, on My heart,
and draw from it strength and power for these sufferings, because you will find
neither relief nor help nor comfort anywhere else. Know that you will have
much, much to suffer, but don't let this frighten you; I am with you.
38 In order to purify a soul, Jesus uses
whatever instruments He likes. My soul underwent a complete abandonment on the
part of creatures; often my best intentions were misinterpreted by the sisters,[26]
a type of suffering which is most painful; but God allows it, and we must
accept it because in this way we become more like Jesus. There was one thing
which I could not understand for a long time: Jesus ordered me to tell
everything to my Superiors, but my Superiors did not believe what I said and
treated me with pity as though I were being deluded or were imagining things.
Because of this, believing myself to be deluded, I resolved to avoid God interiorly for fear of these illusions. But the grace of God pursued me at every step, and God spoke to me when I least expected it.
Because of this, believing myself to be deluded, I resolved to avoid God interiorly for fear of these illusions. But the grace of God pursued me at every step, and God spoke to me when I least expected it.
39 + One day Jesus told me
that He would cause a chastisement to fall upon the most beautiful city in our
country [probably Warsaw]. This chastisement would be that with which God had punished
Sodom and Gomorrah.[27] I saw the great wrath of God and a shudder pierced my heart. I
prayed in silence. After a moment, Jesus said to me, My child, unite
yourself closely to Me during the Sacrifice and offer My Blood and My
Wounds to My Father in expiation for the sins of that city. Repeat this
without interruption throughout the entire Holy Mass. Do this for seven
days. On the seventh day I saw Jesus in a bright cloud and began to beg Him
to look upon the city and upon our whole country. Jesus looked [down]
graciously. When I saw the kindness of' Jesus, I began to beg His blessing. Immediately
Jesus said, For your sake I bless the entire country. And He made a big sign
of the cross over our country. Seeing the goodness of God, a great joy filled
my soul.
41 On one occasion
I saw a servant of God in the immediate danger of committing a mortal sin. I
started to beg God to deign to send down upon me all the torments of hell and
all the sufferings He wished if only this priest would be set free and snatched
from the occasion of committing a sin. Jesus heard my prayer and, that very
instant, I felt a crown of thorns on my head. The thorns penetrated my head
with great force right into my brain. This lasted for three hours; the servant
of God was set free from this sin, and his soul was strengthened by a special
grace of God.
46
I often felt the Passion of the Lord Jesus in my body, although this was
imperceptible [to others], and I rejoiced in it because Jesus wanted it so. But
this lasted for only a short time. These sufferings set my soul afire with love
for God and for immortal souls. Love endures everything, love is stronger than
death, love fears nothing...
56 O my God, I understand well that
You demand this spiritual childhood[32]
of me, because You are constantly asking it of me through Your representatives.
At the beginning of my religious life, suffering and adversities frightened and disheartened me. So I prayed continuously, asking Jesus to strengthen me and to grant me the power of His Holy Spirit that I might carry out His holy will in all things, because from the beginning I have been aware of my weakness. I know very well what I am of myself, because for this purpose Jesus has opened the eyes of my soul; I am an abyss of misery, and hence I understand that whatever good there is in my soul consists solely of His holy grace. The knowledge of my own misery allows me, at the same time, to know the immensity of Your mercy. In my own interior life, I am looking with one eye at the abyss of my misery and baseness, and with the other, at the abyss of Your mercy, O God.
At the beginning of my religious life, suffering and adversities frightened and disheartened me. So I prayed continuously, asking Jesus to strengthen me and to grant me the power of His Holy Spirit that I might carry out His holy will in all things, because from the beginning I have been aware of my weakness. I know very well what I am of myself, because for this purpose Jesus has opened the eyes of my soul; I am an abyss of misery, and hence I understand that whatever good there is in my soul consists solely of His holy grace. The knowledge of my own misery allows me, at the same time, to know the immensity of Your mercy. In my own interior life, I am looking with one eye at the abyss of my misery and baseness, and with the other, at the abyss of Your mercy, O God.
57
O my Jesus, You are the life of my life. You know only too well that I long for
nothing but the glory of Your Name and that souls come to know Your goodness.
Why do souls avoid You, Jesus?-I don't understand that. Oh, if I could only cut
my heart into tiny pieces and in this way offer to You, O Jesus, each piece as
a heart whole and entire, to make up in part for the hearts that do not love
You! I love You, Jesus, with every drop of my blood, and I would gladly shed my
blood for You to give You a proof of the sincerity of my love. O God, the more
I know You the less I can comprehend You, but this
"non-comprehension" lets me realize how great You are! And it is this
impossibility of comprehending You which enflames my heart anew for You, O
Lord. From the moment when You let me fix the eyes of my soul on You, O Jesus,
I have been at peace and desired nothing else. I found my destiny at the moment
when my soul lost itself in You, the only object of my love. In comparison with
you, everything is nothing. Sufferings, adversities, humiliations, failures and
suspicions that have come my way are splinters that keep alive the fire of my
love for You, O Jesus.
My desires are mad and unattainable. I wish to conceal from You that I suffer. I want never to be rewarded for my efforts and my good actions. You yourself, Jesus, are my only reward; You are enough, O Treasure of my heart! I want to share compassionately in the sufferings of my neighbors and to conceal my own sufferings, not only from them, but also from You, Jesus.
Suffering is a great grace; through suffering the soul becomes like the Savior; in suffering love becomes crystallized; the greater the suffering, the purer the love.
My desires are mad and unattainable. I wish to conceal from You that I suffer. I want never to be rewarded for my efforts and my good actions. You yourself, Jesus, are my only reward; You are enough, O Treasure of my heart! I want to share compassionately in the sufferings of my neighbors and to conceal my own sufferings, not only from them, but also from You, Jesus.
Suffering is a great grace; through suffering the soul becomes like the Savior; in suffering love becomes crystallized; the greater the suffering, the purer the love.
67 When I fell sick [probably the beginning
of consumption] after my first vows and when, despite the kind and solicitous
care of my Superiors and the efforts of the doctor, I felt neither better nor
worse, remarks began to reach my ears which inferred that I was making believe.
With that, my suffering was doubled, and this lasted for quite a long time. One
day I complained to Jesus that I was being a burden to the sisters. Jesus
answered me, You are not living for yourself but for souls, and other souls
will profit from your sufferings. Your prolonged suffering will give them the
light and strength to accept My will.
68 The heaviest suffering for me was
that it seemed to me that neither my prayers nor my good works were pleasing to
God. I did not dare lift up my eyes to heaven. This caused me such great
suffering during the community exercises in the chapel that one day Mother
Superior [Raphael] called me aside after the exercises and said to me,
"Sister, ask God for grace and consolation, because I can see for myself
and the sisters keep telling me that the very sight of you evokes pity. I
really do not know what to do with you, Sister. I command you to stop
tormenting yourself for no reason."
But all these conferences with Mother Superior brought me no relief, nor did they clarify anything for me. Rather, even greater darkness hid God from me. I looked for help in the confessional, but not even there did I find it. A saintly priest wanted to help me, but I was so miserable that I couldn't even define my trouble, and that vexed me even more. A deathly sadness penetrated my soul to such an extent that I was unable to hide it, and it was apparent to those around me. I lost hope. The night was growing darker and darker. The priest to whom I went to confession said to me, "I see very special graces in you, Sister, and I am not worried about you at all; why are you torturing yourself in this way?" But at that time I did not understand at all what he was saying and was extremely surprised when, by way of penance, I was ordered to say the Te Deum or the Magnificat, or to run fast around the garden in the evening, or else to laugh out loud ten times a day. These penances were very surprising to me; but even with that the priest was not able to give me much help. Evidently, God wanted me to give Him glory through suffering.
That priest consoled me, saying that in my present situation I was more pleasing to God than if I were filled with the greatest consolations. "It is a very great grace, Sister, "he told me, "that in your present condition, with all the torments of soul you are experiencing, you not only do not offend God, but you even try to practice virtues. I am looking into your soul, and I see God's great plans and special graces there; and seeing this, I give thanks to the Lord." But despite all that, my soul was in a state of torture; and in the midst of unspeakable torments, I imitated the blind man who entrusts himself to his guide, holding his hand firmly, not giving up obedience for a single moment, and this was my only safety in this fiery trial.
But all these conferences with Mother Superior brought me no relief, nor did they clarify anything for me. Rather, even greater darkness hid God from me. I looked for help in the confessional, but not even there did I find it. A saintly priest wanted to help me, but I was so miserable that I couldn't even define my trouble, and that vexed me even more. A deathly sadness penetrated my soul to such an extent that I was unable to hide it, and it was apparent to those around me. I lost hope. The night was growing darker and darker. The priest to whom I went to confession said to me, "I see very special graces in you, Sister, and I am not worried about you at all; why are you torturing yourself in this way?" But at that time I did not understand at all what he was saying and was extremely surprised when, by way of penance, I was ordered to say the Te Deum or the Magnificat, or to run fast around the garden in the evening, or else to laugh out loud ten times a day. These penances were very surprising to me; but even with that the priest was not able to give me much help. Evidently, God wanted me to give Him glory through suffering.
That priest consoled me, saying that in my present situation I was more pleasing to God than if I were filled with the greatest consolations. "It is a very great grace, Sister, "he told me, "that in your present condition, with all the torments of soul you are experiencing, you not only do not offend God, but you even try to practice virtues. I am looking into your soul, and I see God's great plans and special graces there; and seeing this, I give thanks to the Lord." But despite all that, my soul was in a state of torture; and in the midst of unspeakable torments, I imitated the blind man who entrusts himself to his guide, holding his hand firmly, not giving up obedience for a single moment, and this was my only safety in this fiery trial.
69 +O Jesus, eternal Truth, strengthen
my feeble forces; You can do all things, Lord. I know that without You all my
efforts are in vain. O Jesus, do not hide from me, for I cannot live without
You. Listen to the cry of my soul. Your mercy has not been exhausted, Lord, so
have pity on my misery. Your mercy surpasses the understanding of all Angels
and people put together; and so, although it seems to me that You do not hear
me, I put my trust in the ocean of Your mercy, and I know that my hope will not
be deceived.
70 Only Jesus knows how burdensome and difficult it is to accomplish one's duties when the soul is so interiorly tortured, the physical powers so weakened and the mind darkened. In the silence of my heart I kept saying to myself, "O Christ, may delights, honor and glory be Yours, and suffering be mine. I will not lag one step behind as I follow You, though thorns wound my feet."
73 O my Jesus, despite the deep night
that is all around me and the dark clouds which hide the horizon, I know that
the sun never goes out. O Lord, though I cannot comprehend You and do not
understand Your ways, I nonetheless trust in Your mercy. If it is Your will,
Lord, that I live always in such darkness, may You be blessed. I ask You only
one thing, Jesus: do not allow me to offend You in any way. O my Jesus, You
alone know the longings and the sufferings of my heart. I am glad I can suffer
for You, however little. When I feel that the suffering is more than I can
bear, I take refuge in the Lord in the Blessed Sacrament, and I speak to Him
with profound silence.
Darkness and Temptations
77 My mind became dimmed in a strange way; no truth seemed clear to me. When people spoke to me about God, my heart was like a rock. I could not draw from it a single sentiment of love for Him. When I tried, by an act of the will, to remain close to Him, I experienced great torments, and it seemed to me that I was only provoking God to an even greater anger. It was absolutely impossible for me to meditate as I had been accustomed to do in the past. I felt in my soul a great void, and there was nothing with which I could fill it. I began to suffer from a great hunger and yearning for God, but I saw my utter powerlessness. I tried to read slowly, sentence by sentence, and to meditate in this way, but this also was of no avail. I understood nothing of what I had read.
The abyss of my misery was constantly before my eyes. Every time I entered the chapel for some spiritual exercise, I experienced even worse torments and temptations. More than once, all through Holy Mass, I had to struggle against blasphemous thoughts which were forcing themselves to my lips. I felt an aversion for the Holy Sacraments, and it seemed to me that I was not profiting from them in any way. It was only out of obedience to my confessor that I frequented them, and this blind obedience was for me the only path I could follow and my very last hope of survival. The priest explained to me that these were trials sent by God and that, in the situation I was in, not only was I not offending God, but I was most pleasing to Him. "This is a sign," he told me, "that God loves you very much and that He has great confidence in you, since He is sending you such trials." But these words brought me no comfort; it seemed to me that they did not apply to me at all.
One thing did surprise me: it often happened that, at the time when I was suffering greatly, these terrible torments would disappear suddenly just as I was approaching the confessional; but as soon as I had left the confessional, all these torments would again seize me with even greater ferocity. I would then fall on my face before the Blessed Sacrament repeating these words: "Even if You kill me, still will I trust in You!" [cf. Job 13:15] It seemed to me that I would die in these agonies. But the most terrible thought for me was the conviction that I had been rejected by God. Then other thoughts came to me: why strive to acquire virtues and do good works? why mortify and annihilate yourself? what good is it to take vows? to pray? to sacrifice and immolate yourself? why sacrifice myself all the time? what good is it - if I am already rejected by God? why all these efforts? And here, God alone knew what was going on in my heart.
77 My mind became dimmed in a strange way; no truth seemed clear to me. When people spoke to me about God, my heart was like a rock. I could not draw from it a single sentiment of love for Him. When I tried, by an act of the will, to remain close to Him, I experienced great torments, and it seemed to me that I was only provoking God to an even greater anger. It was absolutely impossible for me to meditate as I had been accustomed to do in the past. I felt in my soul a great void, and there was nothing with which I could fill it. I began to suffer from a great hunger and yearning for God, but I saw my utter powerlessness. I tried to read slowly, sentence by sentence, and to meditate in this way, but this also was of no avail. I understood nothing of what I had read.
The abyss of my misery was constantly before my eyes. Every time I entered the chapel for some spiritual exercise, I experienced even worse torments and temptations. More than once, all through Holy Mass, I had to struggle against blasphemous thoughts which were forcing themselves to my lips. I felt an aversion for the Holy Sacraments, and it seemed to me that I was not profiting from them in any way. It was only out of obedience to my confessor that I frequented them, and this blind obedience was for me the only path I could follow and my very last hope of survival. The priest explained to me that these were trials sent by God and that, in the situation I was in, not only was I not offending God, but I was most pleasing to Him. "This is a sign," he told me, "that God loves you very much and that He has great confidence in you, since He is sending you such trials." But these words brought me no comfort; it seemed to me that they did not apply to me at all.
One thing did surprise me: it often happened that, at the time when I was suffering greatly, these terrible torments would disappear suddenly just as I was approaching the confessional; but as soon as I had left the confessional, all these torments would again seize me with even greater ferocity. I would then fall on my face before the Blessed Sacrament repeating these words: "Even if You kill me, still will I trust in You!" [cf. Job 13:15] It seemed to me that I would die in these agonies. But the most terrible thought for me was the conviction that I had been rejected by God. Then other thoughts came to me: why strive to acquire virtues and do good works? why mortify and annihilate yourself? what good is it to take vows? to pray? to sacrifice and immolate yourself? why sacrifice myself all the time? what good is it - if I am already rejected by God? why all these efforts? And here, God alone knew what was going on in my heart.
78
Once when I was being crushed by these dreadful sufferings, I went into the
chapel and said from the bottom of my soul, "Do what You will with me, O
Jesus; I will adore You in everything. May Your will be done in me, O my Lord
and my God, and I will praise Your infinite mercy." Through this act of
submission, these terrible torments left me. Suddenly I saw Jesus, who said to
me, I am always in your heart. An inconceivable joy entered my soul, and
a great love of God set my heart aflame. I see that God never tries us beyond
what we are able to suffer. Oh, I fear nothing; if God sends such great
suffering to a soul, He upholds it with an even greater grace, although we are
not aware of it. One act of trust at such moments gives greater glory to God
than whole hours passed in prayer filled with consolations. Now I see that if
God wants to keep a soul in darkness, no book, no confessor can bring it light.
90 One day, I saw interiorly how much my confessor would
have to suffer: friends will desert you while everyone will rise up against you
and your physical strength will diminish. I saw you as a bunch of grapes chosen
by the Lord and thrown into the press of suffering. Your soul, Father, will at
times be filled with doubts about this work and about me.
I saw that God himself seemed to be opposing [him], and I asked the Lord why He was acting in this way toward him, as though He were placing obstacles in the way of his doing what He himself had asked him to do. And the Lord said, I am acting thus with him to give testimony that this work is Mine. Tell him not to fear anything; My gaze is on him day and night. There will be as many crowns to form his crown as there will be souls saved by this work. It is not for the success of a work, but for the suffering that I give reward.
I saw that God himself seemed to be opposing [him], and I asked the Lord why He was acting in this way toward him, as though He were placing obstacles in the way of his doing what He himself had asked him to do. And the Lord said, I am acting thus with him to give testimony that this work is Mine. Tell him not to fear anything; My gaze is on him day and night. There will be as many crowns to form his crown as there will be souls saved by this work. It is not for the success of a work, but for the suffering that I give reward.
93 +A Short Version of the Catechism
of the Vows[39]
Q. What is a vow?
A. A vow is a voluntary promise made to God, to carry out a more perfect act.
Q. Is a vow binding in a matter which is the object of a commandment?
A. Yes. The carrying out of an act which is the object of a commandment has a double value and merit; and the neglect of such an act is a double transgression and evil, because by breaking such a vow we add to the sin against the commandment, the sin of sacrilege.
Q. Why do religious vows have such value?
A. Because they are the foundation of the religious life approved by the Church, in which the members bound together in a religious community undertake to strive always for perfection by means of the three religious vows of poverty, chastity and obedience, observed according to the rules.
Q. What is the meaning of the words, "strive for perfection?"
A. To strive for perfection means that the religious life does not in itself demand that perfection be already attained, but obliges, under the pain of sin, that we work daily to attain it. Therefore, a religious who does not want to become perfect neglects his principal duty of state.
Q. What are "solemn" religious vows?
A. " Solemn" religious vows are so absolute that, in extraordinary cases, only the Holy Father can dispense from them.
Q. What are simple religious vows?
A. These are vows which are less absolute - the Holy See dispenses from perpetual and annual vows.
Q. What is the difference between a vow and a virtue?
A. A vow pertains only to that which is commanded under pain of sin; the virtue goes beyond this and helps in the carrying out of the vow; on the other hand, by breaking the vow we fail in the virtue and do it damage.
Q. To what do the religious vows oblige us?
A. The religious vows oblige us to strive to acquire the virtues and to submit ourselves completely to our Superiors and to the Rules which are in force; thus the religious gives his own person to the Community, renouncing every right over himself and his actions, which he sacrifices to the service of God.
The Vow of Poverty
The vow of poverty is the voluntary renunciation of the right over property or to the use of such property with the purpose of pleasing God.
Q. What objects does the vow of poverty concern?
A. All those goods and those objects which appertain to the Community. We have no longer any right over anything that has been given to us, once it has been accepted, whether an article or money. All these donations and presents, which may have been given us out of gratitude or in any other way, belong by right to the Community. We cannot make use, without violating the vow, of any wages we may receive for work or even any annuity.
Q. When do we break or violate the vow in a matter which entails the seventh commandment?
A. We break or violate it when, without permission, we take for ourselves anything that belongs to the house; when, without permission, we retain something in order to appropriate it; and when, without authorization, we sell or exchange something that belongs to the Community. When we make use of an object for some other purpose than that intended by the Superior. When we give to, or accept from another, anything whatsoever without permission. When by negligence we destroy or damage something. When, in going from one house to another, we take something with us without permission. In a situation where the vow is broken, the religious is bound to restitution to the Community.
The Virtue of Poverty
This is an evangelical virtue which impels the heart to detach itself from temporal things; the religious, in virtue of his profession, is strictly obliged to it.
Q. When do we sin against the virtue of poverty? When we desire something, contrary to this virtue. When we become attached to something, and when we make use of superfluous things. How many degrees of poverty are there and what are they?
A. There are, in practice, four degrees of poverty for one who is a professed religious: to dispose of nothing without the consent of the Superiors (the strict matter of the vow); to avoid superfluities and be content with necessities (this pertains to the virtue); to readily content oneself with things of inferior quality in what concerns one's cell, clothing, nourishment, etc., and to experience this contentment interiorly; to rejoice in extreme poverty.
The Vow of Chastity
Q. To what does this vow oblige us?
A. To renounce marriage and to avoid everything that is forbidden by the sixth and ninth commandments.
Q. Is a fault against the virtue a violation of the vow?
A. Every fault against the virtue is at the same time a violation of the vow, because here there is no difference, as in the case of poverty and obedience, between the vow and the virtue.
Q. Is every bad thought a sin?
A. No, every bad thought is not a sin; it becomes so only when the acquiescence of the will and consent are joined to the consideration of the mind.
Q. Is there anything, over and above sins against chastity, which is detrimental to the virtue?
A. Lack of custody of the senses, of the imagination, of the feelings; familiarity and sentimental friendships are detrimental to the virtue.
Q. What are the means by which this virtue may be preserved?
A. To conquer interior temptations with the thought of the presence of God, and moreover to fight without fear. And for exterior temptations, to avoid occasions. There are, in all, seven principal means: to guard the senses, to avoid occasions, to avoid idleness, to remove temptations promptly, to remove oneself from all - and especially particular friendships, the spirit of mortification, and to reveal all these temptations to one's confessor.
Besides this, there are also five means of preserving this virtue: humility, the spirit of prayer, modesty of the eyes, fidelity to the rule, a sincere devotion to the Blessed Virgin Mary.
The Vow of Obedience
The vow of obedience is superior to the first two. It is, to tell the truth, a holocaust, and it is more necessary because it forms and animates the monastic body.
Q. To what does the vow of obedience oblige us?
A. By the vow of obedience, the religious promises to God to be obedient to his legitimate superiors in everything that they will ordain in virtue of the rule. The vow of obedience makes the religious dependent on his superior in virtue of these rules for his whole life and in all his affairs. A religious commits a grave sin against the vow every time he disobeys an order given in virtue of obedience and of these rules.
The Virtue of Obedience
The virtue of obedience goes further than the vow; it embraces the rules, the regulations and even the counsels of the superiors.
Q. Is the virtue of obedience indispensable for a religious?
A. The virtue of obedience is so indispensable to a religious that, even if he were to perform good actions contrary to obedience, these would be evil and without merit.
Q. Can we sin gravely against the virtue of obedience?
A. We sin gravely when we scorn the authority or the order of the superior, or when spiritual or temporal harm to the community results from our disobedience.
Q. What faults endanger the vow?
A. To be prejudiced against the superior, or to harbor an antipathy for him - murmuring and criticism, tardiness and negligence.
The Degrees of Obedience
Prompt and complete fulfillment - the obedience of the will, when the will persuades the intellect to submit to the advice of the superior. To facilitate obedience, Saint Ignatius suggests, moreover, three means: always to see God in our superior, whoever he might be; to justify in itself the order or advice of the superior; to accept each order as an order from God, without examining it or reflecting on it. General means: humility. Nothing is difficult for the humble.
Q. What is a vow?
A. A vow is a voluntary promise made to God, to carry out a more perfect act.
Q. Is a vow binding in a matter which is the object of a commandment?
A. Yes. The carrying out of an act which is the object of a commandment has a double value and merit; and the neglect of such an act is a double transgression and evil, because by breaking such a vow we add to the sin against the commandment, the sin of sacrilege.
Q. Why do religious vows have such value?
A. Because they are the foundation of the religious life approved by the Church, in which the members bound together in a religious community undertake to strive always for perfection by means of the three religious vows of poverty, chastity and obedience, observed according to the rules.
Q. What is the meaning of the words, "strive for perfection?"
A. To strive for perfection means that the religious life does not in itself demand that perfection be already attained, but obliges, under the pain of sin, that we work daily to attain it. Therefore, a religious who does not want to become perfect neglects his principal duty of state.
Q. What are "solemn" religious vows?
A. " Solemn" religious vows are so absolute that, in extraordinary cases, only the Holy Father can dispense from them.
Q. What are simple religious vows?
A. These are vows which are less absolute - the Holy See dispenses from perpetual and annual vows.
Q. What is the difference between a vow and a virtue?
A. A vow pertains only to that which is commanded under pain of sin; the virtue goes beyond this and helps in the carrying out of the vow; on the other hand, by breaking the vow we fail in the virtue and do it damage.
Q. To what do the religious vows oblige us?
A. The religious vows oblige us to strive to acquire the virtues and to submit ourselves completely to our Superiors and to the Rules which are in force; thus the religious gives his own person to the Community, renouncing every right over himself and his actions, which he sacrifices to the service of God.
The Vow of Poverty
The vow of poverty is the voluntary renunciation of the right over property or to the use of such property with the purpose of pleasing God.
Q. What objects does the vow of poverty concern?
A. All those goods and those objects which appertain to the Community. We have no longer any right over anything that has been given to us, once it has been accepted, whether an article or money. All these donations and presents, which may have been given us out of gratitude or in any other way, belong by right to the Community. We cannot make use, without violating the vow, of any wages we may receive for work or even any annuity.
Q. When do we break or violate the vow in a matter which entails the seventh commandment?
A. We break or violate it when, without permission, we take for ourselves anything that belongs to the house; when, without permission, we retain something in order to appropriate it; and when, without authorization, we sell or exchange something that belongs to the Community. When we make use of an object for some other purpose than that intended by the Superior. When we give to, or accept from another, anything whatsoever without permission. When by negligence we destroy or damage something. When, in going from one house to another, we take something with us without permission. In a situation where the vow is broken, the religious is bound to restitution to the Community.
The Virtue of Poverty
This is an evangelical virtue which impels the heart to detach itself from temporal things; the religious, in virtue of his profession, is strictly obliged to it.
Q. When do we sin against the virtue of poverty? When we desire something, contrary to this virtue. When we become attached to something, and when we make use of superfluous things. How many degrees of poverty are there and what are they?
A. There are, in practice, four degrees of poverty for one who is a professed religious: to dispose of nothing without the consent of the Superiors (the strict matter of the vow); to avoid superfluities and be content with necessities (this pertains to the virtue); to readily content oneself with things of inferior quality in what concerns one's cell, clothing, nourishment, etc., and to experience this contentment interiorly; to rejoice in extreme poverty.
The Vow of Chastity
Q. To what does this vow oblige us?
A. To renounce marriage and to avoid everything that is forbidden by the sixth and ninth commandments.
Q. Is a fault against the virtue a violation of the vow?
A. Every fault against the virtue is at the same time a violation of the vow, because here there is no difference, as in the case of poverty and obedience, between the vow and the virtue.
Q. Is every bad thought a sin?
A. No, every bad thought is not a sin; it becomes so only when the acquiescence of the will and consent are joined to the consideration of the mind.
Q. Is there anything, over and above sins against chastity, which is detrimental to the virtue?
A. Lack of custody of the senses, of the imagination, of the feelings; familiarity and sentimental friendships are detrimental to the virtue.
Q. What are the means by which this virtue may be preserved?
A. To conquer interior temptations with the thought of the presence of God, and moreover to fight without fear. And for exterior temptations, to avoid occasions. There are, in all, seven principal means: to guard the senses, to avoid occasions, to avoid idleness, to remove temptations promptly, to remove oneself from all - and especially particular friendships, the spirit of mortification, and to reveal all these temptations to one's confessor.
Besides this, there are also five means of preserving this virtue: humility, the spirit of prayer, modesty of the eyes, fidelity to the rule, a sincere devotion to the Blessed Virgin Mary.
The Vow of Obedience
The vow of obedience is superior to the first two. It is, to tell the truth, a holocaust, and it is more necessary because it forms and animates the monastic body.
Q. To what does the vow of obedience oblige us?
A. By the vow of obedience, the religious promises to God to be obedient to his legitimate superiors in everything that they will ordain in virtue of the rule. The vow of obedience makes the religious dependent on his superior in virtue of these rules for his whole life and in all his affairs. A religious commits a grave sin against the vow every time he disobeys an order given in virtue of obedience and of these rules.
The Virtue of Obedience
The virtue of obedience goes further than the vow; it embraces the rules, the regulations and even the counsels of the superiors.
Q. Is the virtue of obedience indispensable for a religious?
A. The virtue of obedience is so indispensable to a religious that, even if he were to perform good actions contrary to obedience, these would be evil and without merit.
Q. Can we sin gravely against the virtue of obedience?
A. We sin gravely when we scorn the authority or the order of the superior, or when spiritual or temporal harm to the community results from our disobedience.
Q. What faults endanger the vow?
A. To be prejudiced against the superior, or to harbor an antipathy for him - murmuring and criticism, tardiness and negligence.
The Degrees of Obedience
Prompt and complete fulfillment - the obedience of the will, when the will persuades the intellect to submit to the advice of the superior. To facilitate obedience, Saint Ignatius suggests, moreover, three means: always to see God in our superior, whoever he might be; to justify in itself the order or advice of the superior; to accept each order as an order from God, without examining it or reflecting on it. General means: humility. Nothing is difficult for the humble.
94
O my Lord, inflame my heart with love for You, that my spirit may not grow
weary amidst the storms, the sufferings and the trials. You see how weak I am.
Love can do all.
95 +A Deeper Knowledge of God and the Terror of the Soul.
In the beginning, God lets himself be known as Holiness, Justice, Goodness - that is to say, Mercy. The soul does not come to know this all at once, but piecemeal, in flashes; that is to say, when God draws near. And this does not last for long, because the soul could not bear such light. During prayer the soul experiences flashes of this light which make it impossible to pray as before. Try as it may to force itself to pray as it did before, all is in vain; it becomes completely impossible for it to continue to pray as it did before it received this light. This light which has touched the soul is alive within it, and nothing can either quench or diminish it. This flash of the knowledge of God draws the soul and enkindles its love for Him.
But this same flash, at the same time, allows the soul to know itself as it is; the soul sees its whole interior in a superior light, and it rises up alarmed and terrified. Still, it does not remain under the effects of terror, but it begins to purify itself, to humble and abase itself before the Lord. These lights become stronger and more frequent; the more the soul is crystallized, the more these lights penetrate it. However, if the soul has responded faithfully and courageously to these first graces, God fills it with His consolations and gives himself to it in a perceptible manner. At certain moments, the soul, as it were, enters into intimacy with God and greatly rejoices in this; it believes that it has already reached the degree of perfection destined for it, because its defects and faults are asleep within it, and this makes it think that they no longer exist. Nothing seems difficult for it; it is ready for everything. It begins to plunge itself into God and taste the divine delights. It is carried along by grace and does not take account of the fact that the time of trial and testing may come. And, in fact, this state does not last long. Other moments will soon come. I should add here, however, that the soul will respond more faithfully to divine grace if it has a well - informed confessor to whom it can confide everything.
In the beginning, God lets himself be known as Holiness, Justice, Goodness - that is to say, Mercy. The soul does not come to know this all at once, but piecemeal, in flashes; that is to say, when God draws near. And this does not last for long, because the soul could not bear such light. During prayer the soul experiences flashes of this light which make it impossible to pray as before. Try as it may to force itself to pray as it did before, all is in vain; it becomes completely impossible for it to continue to pray as it did before it received this light. This light which has touched the soul is alive within it, and nothing can either quench or diminish it. This flash of the knowledge of God draws the soul and enkindles its love for Him.
But this same flash, at the same time, allows the soul to know itself as it is; the soul sees its whole interior in a superior light, and it rises up alarmed and terrified. Still, it does not remain under the effects of terror, but it begins to purify itself, to humble and abase itself before the Lord. These lights become stronger and more frequent; the more the soul is crystallized, the more these lights penetrate it. However, if the soul has responded faithfully and courageously to these first graces, God fills it with His consolations and gives himself to it in a perceptible manner. At certain moments, the soul, as it were, enters into intimacy with God and greatly rejoices in this; it believes that it has already reached the degree of perfection destined for it, because its defects and faults are asleep within it, and this makes it think that they no longer exist. Nothing seems difficult for it; it is ready for everything. It begins to plunge itself into God and taste the divine delights. It is carried along by grace and does not take account of the fact that the time of trial and testing may come. And, in fact, this state does not last long. Other moments will soon come. I should add here, however, that the soul will respond more faithfully to divine grace if it has a well - informed confessor to whom it can confide everything.
+ The Trial of Trials, Complete
Abandonment - Despair
98 When the soul comes out victorious from the preceding trials, even though it may stumble here and there, it fights on valiantly, humbly calling upon God, "Save me, I am perishing!" And it is still able to fight on.
At this point, however, the soul is engulfed in a horrible night. It sees within itself only sin. It feels terrible. It sees itself completely abandoned by God. It feels itself to be the object of His hatred. It is but one step away from despair. The soul does its best to defend itself; it tries to stir up its confidence; but prayer is an even greater torment for it, as this prayer seems to arouse God to an even greater anger. The soul finds itself poised on the summit of a lofty mountain on the very brink of a precipice.
The soul is drawn to God, but feels repulsed. All other sufferings and tortures in the world are as nothing compared with this sensation into which it has been plunged; namely, that of being rejected by God. No one can bring it any relief; it finds itself completely alone; there is no one to defend it. It raises its eyes to heaven, but is convinced that this is not for her-for her all is lost. It falls deeper and deeper from darkness to darkness, and it seems to it that it has lost forever the God it used to love so dearly. This thought is torture beyond all description. But the soul does not agree to it and tries to lift its gaze toward heaven, but in vain! And this makes the torture even more intense.
If God wishes to keep the soul in such darkness, no one will be able to give it light. It experiences rejection by God in a vivid and terrifying manner. From its heart burst forth painful moans, so painful that no priest will comprehend it, unless he himself has been through these trials. In the midst of this, the evil spirit adds to the soul's suffering, mocking it: "Will you persist in your faithfulness? This is your reward; you are in our power!" But Satan has only as much influence over the soul as God allows him, and God knows how much we can bear. "What have you gotten out of your mortifications," says Satan, "and out of your fidelity to the rule? What use are all these efforts? You have been rejected by God!" This word, rejected, becomes a fire which penetrates every nerve to the marrow of the bone. It pierces right through her entire being. The ordeal reaches its climax. The soul no longer looks for help anywhere. It shrinks into itself and loses sight of everything; it is as though it has accepted the torture of being abandoned. This is a moment for which I have no words. This is the agony of the soul.
98 When the soul comes out victorious from the preceding trials, even though it may stumble here and there, it fights on valiantly, humbly calling upon God, "Save me, I am perishing!" And it is still able to fight on.
At this point, however, the soul is engulfed in a horrible night. It sees within itself only sin. It feels terrible. It sees itself completely abandoned by God. It feels itself to be the object of His hatred. It is but one step away from despair. The soul does its best to defend itself; it tries to stir up its confidence; but prayer is an even greater torment for it, as this prayer seems to arouse God to an even greater anger. The soul finds itself poised on the summit of a lofty mountain on the very brink of a precipice.
The soul is drawn to God, but feels repulsed. All other sufferings and tortures in the world are as nothing compared with this sensation into which it has been plunged; namely, that of being rejected by God. No one can bring it any relief; it finds itself completely alone; there is no one to defend it. It raises its eyes to heaven, but is convinced that this is not for her-for her all is lost. It falls deeper and deeper from darkness to darkness, and it seems to it that it has lost forever the God it used to love so dearly. This thought is torture beyond all description. But the soul does not agree to it and tries to lift its gaze toward heaven, but in vain! And this makes the torture even more intense.
If God wishes to keep the soul in such darkness, no one will be able to give it light. It experiences rejection by God in a vivid and terrifying manner. From its heart burst forth painful moans, so painful that no priest will comprehend it, unless he himself has been through these trials. In the midst of this, the evil spirit adds to the soul's suffering, mocking it: "Will you persist in your faithfulness? This is your reward; you are in our power!" But Satan has only as much influence over the soul as God allows him, and God knows how much we can bear. "What have you gotten out of your mortifications," says Satan, "and out of your fidelity to the rule? What use are all these efforts? You have been rejected by God!" This word, rejected, becomes a fire which penetrates every nerve to the marrow of the bone. It pierces right through her entire being. The ordeal reaches its climax. The soul no longer looks for help anywhere. It shrinks into itself and loses sight of everything; it is as though it has accepted the torture of being abandoned. This is a moment for which I have no words. This is the agony of the soul.
101 Jesus, You alone know how the
soul, engulfed in darkness, moans in the midst of these torments and, despite
all this, thirsts for God as burning lips thirst for water. It dies and
withers; it dies a death without death; that is to say, it cannot die. All its
efforts come to nothing; it is under a powerful hand. Now the soul comes under
the power of the Just One. All exterior temptations cease; all that surrounds
it becomes silent, like a dying person who loses contact with everything around
it: the person's entire soul is in the hand of the Just God, the Thrice-Holy
God,-rejected for all eternity! This is the culminating moment, and God alone
can test a soul in this way, because He alone knows what the soul can endure.
When the soul has been saturated through and through by this infernal fire, it is, as it were, cast headlong into great despair. My soul experienced this moment when I was all alone in my cell. When my soul began to sink into this despair, I felt that the end was near. But I seized my little crucifix and clutched it tightly in my hand. And now I felt my body separate itself from my soul; and though I wanted to go to my Superiors, I no longer had the physical strength. I uttered my last words: "I trust in Your Mercy!"-and it seemed to me that I provoked God to an even greater anger. And now I was drowned in despair, and all that was left me was a moan of unadulterated pain which, from time to time, tore itself from my soul. The soul is in agony-and it seemed to me that I would remain in this state, because by my own strength I could not emerge from it. Every recollection of God opened up an unspeakable ocean of suffering, and yet despite this there is something within the soul which is drawn to Him, though it seems to her for this only-that she suffer more. The memory of the love with which God formerly surrounded it is still another kind of suffering. His gaze pierces it, and everything within the soul is burned by this gaze.
When the soul has been saturated through and through by this infernal fire, it is, as it were, cast headlong into great despair. My soul experienced this moment when I was all alone in my cell. When my soul began to sink into this despair, I felt that the end was near. But I seized my little crucifix and clutched it tightly in my hand. And now I felt my body separate itself from my soul; and though I wanted to go to my Superiors, I no longer had the physical strength. I uttered my last words: "I trust in Your Mercy!"-and it seemed to me that I provoked God to an even greater anger. And now I was drowned in despair, and all that was left me was a moan of unadulterated pain which, from time to time, tore itself from my soul. The soul is in agony-and it seemed to me that I would remain in this state, because by my own strength I could not emerge from it. Every recollection of God opened up an unspeakable ocean of suffering, and yet despite this there is something within the soul which is drawn to Him, though it seems to her for this only-that she suffer more. The memory of the love with which God formerly surrounded it is still another kind of suffering. His gaze pierces it, and everything within the soul is burned by this gaze.
104 I want to add that, although my soul was
already in the rays of His love, traces of my past tortures remained on my body
for two days: a deathly pale face and bloodshot eyes. Jesus alone knows what I
suffered. What I have written is very poor compared to the reality. I cannot
put it in words; it seemed to me that I had come back from the other world. I
feel an aversion for everything that is created; I snuggle to the heart of God
like a baby to its mother's breast. I see everything differently now. I am
conscious of what the Lord, by one single word, has done in my soul, and I live
by it. I shudder at the recollection of this past torture. I would not have
believed that one could suffer so, if I had not gone through it myself. This is
a completely spiritual suffering.
105
However, in all these sufferings and struggles, I was not omitting Holy
Communion. When it seemed to me that I should not communicate, I went, before
Holy Communion, to the Directress and told her that I could not approach the
Sacrament, because it seemed to me that I should not do so. But she would not
permit me to omit Holy Communion, so I went, and I understand now that it was only
obedience that saved me.
The Directress herself told me later that my trials had passed quickly, "and this solely because you were obedient, Sister; and it was through the power of obedience that you struggled through this so bravely." It is true that it was the Lord himself who brought me out of this torment, but my fidelity to obedience did please Him.
The Directress herself told me later that my trials had passed quickly, "and this solely because you were obedient, Sister; and it was through the power of obedience that you struggled through this so bravely." It is true that it was the Lord himself who brought me out of this torment, but my fidelity to obedience did please Him.
106
Though these are frightening things, the soul should not be too fearful,
because God will never test us beyond what we are able to bear. On the other
hand, He may never send us such sufferings, but I write this because, if it
pleases the Lord to let a soul pass through such sufferings, it should not be
afraid but, insofar as this depends on the soul itself, it should remain
faithful to God. God will do a soul no harm, because He is Love itself, and in
this unfathomable love has called it into being. However, when I was so
tormented, I myself did not understand this.
109 After such sufferings the soul
finds itself in a state of great purity of spirit and very close to God. But I
should add that during these spiritual torments it is close to God, but it is
blind. The soul's vision is plunged into darkness, and though God is nearer
than ever to the soul which is suffering, the whole secret consists in the fact
that it knows nothing of this. The soul in fact declares that, not only has God
abandoned it, but it is the object of His hatred. With how great a malady are
they eyes of the soul afflicted! When struck by divine light, the soul affirms
that this light does not exist, although it is precisely because this divine
light is so bright that it is blinded. Yet despite all, I learned later that
God is closer to a soul at such moments than at others, because it would not be
able to endure these trials with the help of ordinary grace alone. God's
omnipotence and an extraordinary grace must be active here, for otherwise the
soul would succumb at the first blow.
111 When, in the midst of these
interior torments, I tried to accuse myself in confession of the smallest
trifles, the priest was surprised that I had not committed graver faults, and
he said to me, "If you are as faithful as this to God during these
sufferings, this in itself is evidence to me that God is sustaining you,
Sister, with a special grace, and it is a good thing that you do not understand
this." It is a strange thing, nevertheless, that confessors could neither
understand me nor set my mind at peace concerning these matters, until I met
Father Andrasz and, later on, Father Sopocko.
114 +Oh, how pleasing are the hymns
flowing from a suffering soul! All heaven delights in such a soul, especially
when it is tested by God. It mournfully sings out its longing for Him. Great is
its beauty, because it comes from God. The soul walks through the jungle of
life, wounded by God's love. With one foot only it touches the ground.
115 + When a soul has come out of
these tribulations, it is deeply humble. Its purity of soul is great. It knows
better without need of reflecting, as it were, what it ought to do at a given
moment and what to forbear. It feels the lightest touch of grace and is very
faithful to God. It recognizes God from afar and continuously rejoices in Him.
It discovers God very quickly in other souls and in its environment in general.
The soul has been purified by God himself. God, as Pure Spirit, introduces the
soul to a life which is purely spiritual. God himself has first prepared and
purified the soul; that is, He has made it capable of close communion with
himself. The soul, in a state of loving repose, communes spiritually with the
Lord. It speaks to God without the need of expressing itself through the
senses. God fills it with His light.
The enlightened mind sees clearly and distinguishes the various degrees of the spiritual life. It recognizes [that state] when its union with God was imperfect: where the senses were involved, and the spirit was linked with the senses in a manner-exalted and special, to be sure but not yet perfect. There is a higher and more perfect union with God; namely, intellectual union. Here, the soul is safer from illusions; its spirituality is purer and more profound. In a life where the senses are involved, there is more danger of illusion. Both for the soul and for its confessor, prudence must play a greater part. There are moments when God introduces the soul to a purely spiritual state. The senses dim and are seemingly dead. The soul is most closely united to God; it is immersed in the Deity; its knowledge is complete and perfect, not sporadic as before, but total and absolute. It rejoices in this. But I want to say more about those moments of trial; at those times the confessor must have patience with such a soul. But the soul must have even greater patience with itself.
The enlightened mind sees clearly and distinguishes the various degrees of the spiritual life. It recognizes [that state] when its union with God was imperfect: where the senses were involved, and the spirit was linked with the senses in a manner-exalted and special, to be sure but not yet perfect. There is a higher and more perfect union with God; namely, intellectual union. Here, the soul is safer from illusions; its spirituality is purer and more profound. In a life where the senses are involved, there is more danger of illusion. Both for the soul and for its confessor, prudence must play a greater part. There are moments when God introduces the soul to a purely spiritual state. The senses dim and are seemingly dead. The soul is most closely united to God; it is immersed in the Deity; its knowledge is complete and perfect, not sporadic as before, but total and absolute. It rejoices in this. But I want to say more about those moments of trial; at those times the confessor must have patience with such a soul. But the soul must have even greater patience with itself.
116 My Jesus, You know what my soul goes
through at the recollection of these sufferings. I have often marvelled that
the angels and saints hold their peace at the sight of a soul suffering like
that. Yet they have special love for us at such moments. My soul has often
cried out after God, as a little child who cries as loudly as he can when his
mother covers her face and he cannot recognize her. O my Jesus, honor and glory
to You for these trials of love! Great and incomprehensible is your mercy. All
that You intended for my soul, O Lord, is steeped in Your mercy.
135 During the third probation, the
Lord gave me to understand that I should offer myself to Him so that He could
do with me as He pleased. I was to remain standing before Him as a victim offering.
At first, I was quite frightened, as I felt myself to be so utterly miserable
and knew very well that this was the case. I answered the Lord once again,
"I am misery itself; how can I be a hostage [for others]? You do not
understand this today. Tomorrow, during your adoration, I will make it
known to you. My heart trembled, as did my soul, so deeply did these words
sink into my soul. The word of God is living. When I came to the adoration, I
felt within my soul that I had entered the temple of the living God, whose
majesty is great and incomprehensible. And He made known to me what even the
purest spirits are in His sight. Although I saw nothing externally, God's
presence pervaded me. At that very moment my intellect was strangely illumined.
A vision passed before the eyes of my soul; it was like the vision Jesus had in
the Garden of Olives. First, the physical sufferings and all the circumstances
that would increase them; [then] the full scope of the spiritual sufferings and
those that no one would know about. Everything entered into the vision: false
suspicions, loss of good name. I've summarized it here, but this knowledge was
already so clear that what I went through later on was in no way different from
what I had known at that moment. My name is to be: "sacrifice." When
the vision ended, a cold sweat bathed my forehead. Jesus made it known to me
that, even if I did not give my consent to this, I could still be saved; and He
would not lessen His graces, but would still continue to have the same intimate
relationship with me, so that even if I did not consent to make this sacrifice,
God's generosity would not lessen thereby.
136 And the Lord gave me to know that the
whole mystery depended on me, on my free consent to the sacrifice given with
full use of my faculties. In this free and conscious act lies the whole power
and value before His Majesty. Even if none of these things for which I offered
myself would ever happen to me, before the Lord everything was as though it had
already been consummated.
At that moment, I realized I was entering into communion with the incomprehensible Majesty. I felt that God was waiting for my word, for my consent. Then my spirit immersed itself in the Lord, and I said, "Do with me as You please. I subject myself to Your will. As of today, Your holy will shall be my nourishment, and I will be faithful to Your commands with the help of Your grace. Do with me as You please. I beg You, O Lord, be with me at every moment of my life."
At that moment, I realized I was entering into communion with the incomprehensible Majesty. I felt that God was waiting for my word, for my consent. Then my spirit immersed itself in the Lord, and I said, "Do with me as You please. I subject myself to Your will. As of today, Your holy will shall be my nourishment, and I will be faithful to Your commands with the help of Your grace. Do with me as You please. I beg You, O Lord, be with me at every moment of my life."
137 Suddenly, when I had consented to
the sacrifice with all my heart and all my will, God's presence pervaded me. My
soul became immersed in God and was inundated with such happiness that I cannot
put in writing even the smallest part of it. I felt that His Majesty was enveloping
me. I was extraordinarily fused with God. I saw that God was well pleased with me
and, reciprocally, my spirit drowned itself in Him. Aware of this union with
God, I felt I was especially loved and, in turn, I loved with all my soul. A
great mystery took place during that adoration, a mystery between the Lord and
myself. It seemed to me that I would die of love [at the sight of] His glance.
I spoke much with the Lord, without uttering a single word. And the Lord said
to me, You are the delight of My Heart; from today on, every one of your
acts, even the very smallest, will be a delight to My eyes, whatever you do. At
that moment I felt transconsecrated. My earthly body was the same, but my soul
was different; God was now living in it with the totality of His delight. This
is not a feeling, but a conscious reality that nothing can obscure.
138
A great mystery has been accomplished between God and me. Courage and strength
have remained in my soul. When the time of adoration came to an end, I came out
and calmly faced everything I had feared so much before. When I came out into
the corridor, a great suffering and humiliation, at the hands of a certain
person, was awaiting me. I accepted it with submission to a higher will and
snuggled closely to the Most Sacred Heart of Jesus, letting Him know that I was
ready for that for which I had offered myself.
Suffering seemed to spring out of the ground. Even Mother Margaret herself was surprised. For others, many things passed unnoticed, for indeed it wasn't worth paying any attention to them; but in my case, nothing passed unnoticed; each word was analyzed, each step watched. One sister said to me, "Get ready, Sister, to receive a small cross at the hands of Mother Superior. I feel sorry for you." But as for me, I rejoiced at this in the depths of my soul and had been ready for it for a long time. When she saw my courage, she was surprised. I see now that a soul cannot do much of itself, but with God it can do all things. Behold what God's grace can do. Few are the souls that are always watchful for divine graces, and even fewer of such souls who follow those inspirations faithfully.
Suffering seemed to spring out of the ground. Even Mother Margaret herself was surprised. For others, many things passed unnoticed, for indeed it wasn't worth paying any attention to them; but in my case, nothing passed unnoticed; each word was analyzed, each step watched. One sister said to me, "Get ready, Sister, to receive a small cross at the hands of Mother Superior. I feel sorry for you." But as for me, I rejoiced at this in the depths of my soul and had been ready for it for a long time. When she saw my courage, she was surprised. I see now that a soul cannot do much of itself, but with God it can do all things. Behold what God's grace can do. Few are the souls that are always watchful for divine graces, and even fewer of such souls who follow those inspirations faithfully.
148 +A noble and delicate soul, even
the most simple, but one of delicate sensibilities, sees God in everything,
finds Him everywhere, and knows how to find Him in even the most hidden things.
It finds all things important, it highly appreciates all things, it thanks God
for all things, it draws profit for the soul from all things, and it gives all
glory to God. It places its trust in God and is not confused when the time of
ordeals comes. It knows that God is always the best of Fathers and makes little
of human opinion. It follows faithfully the faintest breath of the Holy Spirit;
it rejoices in this Spiritual Guest and holds onto Him like a child to its
mother. Where other souls come to a standstill and fear, this soul passes on
without fear or difficulty.
149 When the Lord himself wants to
be close to a soul and to lead it, He will remove everything that is external.
When I fell ill and was taken to the infirmary, I suffered much unpleasantness
because of this. There were two of us sick in the infirmary. Sisters would come
to see Sister N., but no one came to visit me. It is true that there was only
one infirmary, but each one had her own cell. The winter nights were long, and
Sister N. had the light and the radio headphones, while I could not even
prepare my meditation for lack of a light.
When nearly two weeks had passed in this way, I complained to the Lord one evening that I was suffering so much and that I could not even prepare my meditation because there was no light. And the Lord said that He would come every evening and give me the points for the next day's meditation. These points always concerned His sorrowful Passion. He would say, Consider My sufferings before Pilate. And thus, point by point, I meditated upon His sorrowful Passion for one week. From that moment, a great joy entered my soul, and I no longer wanted either the visitors or the light; Jesus sufficed me for everything. The superiors were indeed very solicitous for the sick, but the Lord ordained that I should feel forsaken. This best of masters withdraws every created thing in order that He himself might act. Many a time, I have experienced such sufferings and persecutions that Mother M. [probably Mother Margaret] herself said to me, "Sister, along your path, sufferings just spring up out of the ground. I look upon you, Sister, as one crucified. But I can see that Jesus has a hand in this. Be faithful to the Lord."
When nearly two weeks had passed in this way, I complained to the Lord one evening that I was suffering so much and that I could not even prepare my meditation because there was no light. And the Lord said that He would come every evening and give me the points for the next day's meditation. These points always concerned His sorrowful Passion. He would say, Consider My sufferings before Pilate. And thus, point by point, I meditated upon His sorrowful Passion for one week. From that moment, a great joy entered my soul, and I no longer wanted either the visitors or the light; Jesus sufficed me for everything. The superiors were indeed very solicitous for the sick, but the Lord ordained that I should feel forsaken. This best of masters withdraws every created thing in order that He himself might act. Many a time, I have experienced such sufferings and persecutions that Mother M. [probably Mother Margaret] herself said to me, "Sister, along your path, sufferings just spring up out of the ground. I look upon you, Sister, as one crucified. But I can see that Jesus has a hand in this. Be faithful to the Lord."
150 + I want to write down a dream
that I had about Saint Therese of the Child Jesus. I was still a novice at the
time and was going through some difficulties which I did not know how to
overcome. They were interior difficulties connected with exterior ones. I made
novenas to various saints, but the situation grew more and more difficult. The
sufferings it caused me were so great that I did not know how to go on living,
but suddenly the thought occurred to me that I should pray to Saint Therese of
the Child Jesus. I started a novena to this Saint, because before entering the
convent I had had a great devotion to her. Lately I had somewhat neglected this
devotion, but in my need I began again to pray with great fervor.
On the fifth day of the novena, I dreamed of Saint Therese, but it was as if she were still living on earth. She hid from me the fact that she was a saint and began to comfort me, saying that I should not be worried about this matter, but should trust more in God. She said, "I suffered greatly, too," but I did not quite believe her and said, "It seems to me that you have not suffered at all." But Saint Therese answered me in a convincing manner that she had suffered very much indeed and said to me, "Sister, know that in three days the difficulty will come to a happy conclusion." When I was not very willing to believe her, she revealed to me that she was a saint. At that moment, a great joy filled my soul, and I said to her, "You are a saint?" "Yes," she answered, "I am a saint. Trust that this matter will be resolved in three days:" And I said, "Dear sweet Therese, tell me, shall I go to heaven?" And she answered, "Yes, you will go to heaven, Sister." "And will I be a saint?" To which she replied, "Yes, you will be a saint." "But, little Therese, shall I be a saint as you are, raised to the altar?" And she answered, "Yes, you will be a saint just as I am, but you must trust in the Lord Jesus." I then asked her if my mother and father would go to heaven, will [unfinished sentence] And she replied that they would. I further asked, "And will my brothers and sisters go to heaven?" She told me to pray hard for them, but gave me no definite answer. I understood that they were in need of much prayer.
This was a dream. And as the proverb goes, dreams are phantoms; God is faith. Nevertheless, three days later the difficulty was solved very easily, just as she had said. And everything in this affair turned out exactly as she said it would. It was a dream, but it had its significance.
On the fifth day of the novena, I dreamed of Saint Therese, but it was as if she were still living on earth. She hid from me the fact that she was a saint and began to comfort me, saying that I should not be worried about this matter, but should trust more in God. She said, "I suffered greatly, too," but I did not quite believe her and said, "It seems to me that you have not suffered at all." But Saint Therese answered me in a convincing manner that she had suffered very much indeed and said to me, "Sister, know that in three days the difficulty will come to a happy conclusion." When I was not very willing to believe her, she revealed to me that she was a saint. At that moment, a great joy filled my soul, and I said to her, "You are a saint?" "Yes," she answered, "I am a saint. Trust that this matter will be resolved in three days:" And I said, "Dear sweet Therese, tell me, shall I go to heaven?" And she answered, "Yes, you will go to heaven, Sister." "And will I be a saint?" To which she replied, "Yes, you will be a saint." "But, little Therese, shall I be a saint as you are, raised to the altar?" And she answered, "Yes, you will be a saint just as I am, but you must trust in the Lord Jesus." I then asked her if my mother and father would go to heaven, will [unfinished sentence] And she replied that they would. I further asked, "And will my brothers and sisters go to heaven?" She told me to pray hard for them, but gave me no definite answer. I understood that they were in need of much prayer.
This was a dream. And as the proverb goes, dreams are phantoms; God is faith. Nevertheless, three days later the difficulty was solved very easily, just as she had said. And everything in this affair turned out exactly as she said it would. It was a dream, but it had its significance.
208 O you small, everyday sacrifices,
you are to me like wild flowers which I strew over the feet of my beloved
Jesus. I sometimes compare these trifles to the heroic virtues, and that is
because their enduring nature demands heroism.
367 +On one occasion, Jesus gave me to know that when I pray for
intentions which people are wont to entrust to me, He is always ready to grant
His graces, but souls do not always want to accept them: My Heart overflows
with great mercy for souls, and especially for poor sinners. If only they could
understand that I am the best of Fathers to them and that it is for them that
the Blood and Water flowed from My Heart as from a fount overflowing with
mercy. For them I dwell in the tabernacle as King of Mercy. I desire to bestow
My graces upon souls, but they do not want to accept them. You, at least, come to
Me as often as possible and take these graces they do not want to accept. In
this way you will console My Heart. Oh, how indifferent are souls to so much
goodness, to so many proofs of love! My Heart drinks only of the ingratitude
and forgetfulness of souls living in the world. They have time for everything,
but they have no time to come to Me for graces.
So I turn to you, you-chosen souls, will you also fail to understand the love of My Heart? Here, too, My Heart finds disappointment; I do not find complete surrender to My love. So many reservations, so much distrust, so much caution. To comfort you, let Me tell you that there are souls living in the world who love Me dearly. I dwell In their hearts with delight. But they are few. In convents too, there are souls that fill My Heart with joy. They bear My features; therefore the Heavenly Father looks upon them with special pleasure. They will be a marvel to Angels and men. Their number is very small. They are a defense for the world before the justice of the Heavenly Father and a means of obtaining mercy for the world. The love and sacrifice of these souls sustain the world in existence. The infidelity of a soul specially chosen by Me wounds My Heart most painfully. Such infidelities are swords which pierce My Heart.
So I turn to you, you-chosen souls, will you also fail to understand the love of My Heart? Here, too, My Heart finds disappointment; I do not find complete surrender to My love. So many reservations, so much distrust, so much caution. To comfort you, let Me tell you that there are souls living in the world who love Me dearly. I dwell In their hearts with delight. But they are few. In convents too, there are souls that fill My Heart with joy. They bear My features; therefore the Heavenly Father looks upon them with special pleasure. They will be a marvel to Angels and men. Their number is very small. They are a defense for the world before the justice of the Heavenly Father and a means of obtaining mercy for the world. The love and sacrifice of these souls sustain the world in existence. The infidelity of a soul specially chosen by Me wounds My Heart most painfully. Such infidelities are swords which pierce My Heart.
482 O my God, I am conscious of my mission in the Holy
Church. It is my constant endeavor to plead for me mercy for the world. I unite
myself closely with Jesus and stand before Him as an atoning sacrifice on
behalf of the world. God will refuse me nothing when I entreat Him with the
voice of His Son. My sacrifice is nothing in itself, but when I join it to the
sacrifice of Jesus Christ, it becomes all-powerful and has the power to appease
divine wrath. God loves us in His Son; the painful Passion of the Son of God
constantly turns aside the wrath of God.
483 O God, how I desire that souls come to know You and to
see that You have created them because of Your unfathomable love. O my Creator
and Lord, I feel that I am going to remove the veil of heaven so that earth
will not doubt Your goodness.
Make of me, Jesus, a pure and agreeable offering before the Face of Your Father. Jesus, transform me, miserable and sinful as I am, into Your own self (for You can do all things), and give me to Your Eternal Father. I want t become a sacrificial host before You, but an ordinary wafer to people. I want the fragrance of my sacrifice be known to You alone. O Eternal God, an unquenchable fire of supplication for Your mercy burns within me. I know and understand that this is my task here and in eternity. You yourself have told me to speak about this great mercy and about Your goodness.
Make of me, Jesus, a pure and agreeable offering before the Face of Your Father. Jesus, transform me, miserable and sinful as I am, into Your own self (for You can do all things), and give me to Your Eternal Father. I want t become a sacrificial host before You, but an ordinary wafer to people. I want the fragrance of my sacrifice be known to You alone. O Eternal God, an unquenchable fire of supplication for Your mercy burns within me. I know and understand that this is my task here and in eternity. You yourself have told me to speak about this great mercy and about Your goodness.
485 I accept joy or suffering, praise or humiliation with
the same disposition. I remember that one and the other are passing. What does
it matter to me what people say about me? I have long ago given up everything
that concerns my person. My name is host-or sacrifice, not in words but in
deeds, in the emptying of myself and in becoming like You on the Cross, O good
Jesus, my Master!
507 I desire, O my Jesus, to suffer and burn with the flame
of Your love in all the circumstances of my life. I am Yours, completely Yours,
and I wish to disappear in You, O Jesus, I wish to be lost in Your divine
beauty. You pursue me with Your love, O Lord; You penetrate my soul like a ray
of the sun and change its darkness into Your light. I feel very vividly that I
am living in You as one small spark swallowed up by the incomprehensible fire
with which You burn, O inconceivable Trinity! No greater joy is to be found
than that of loving God. Already here on earth we can taste the happiness of
those in heaven by an intimate union with God, a union that is extraordinary
and often quite incomprehensible to us. One can attain this very grace through
simple faithfulness of soul.
509 In the adversities that I experience, I remind myself
that the time for doing battle has not yet come to an end. I arm myself with
patience, and in this way I defeat my assailant.
530 To the Glory of the Holy Trinity.
I asked Mother Superior [Borgia] to permit me to make a forty-day fast, taking once a day a piece of bread and a glass of water. However, following the advice of my confessor [Father Sopocko], Mother Superior did not agree to forty days, but to seven. "I cannot take you away from your duties completely, Sister, because of the other sisters who might notice something. I give you my permission to devote yourself to prayer and to note down some of these things, but it will be very difficult for me to protect you as regards the fasting. Really, I can think of no solution to this," and she said, "Go now, Sister, and perhaps some light will come to me." On Sunday morning, I understood that when Mother Superior assigned me as portress during mealtime, she was doing so with the thought of giving me the opportunity to fast. In the morning, I did not go to breakfast, but, a little while later, I went to Mother Superior and asked her whether I had been assigned as portress in view of making it possible for me to fast unnoticed. Mother replied, "When I assigned you, [106] Sister, it was with this in mind." I then saw that this was the same thought that I had had interiorly.
I asked Mother Superior [Borgia] to permit me to make a forty-day fast, taking once a day a piece of bread and a glass of water. However, following the advice of my confessor [Father Sopocko], Mother Superior did not agree to forty days, but to seven. "I cannot take you away from your duties completely, Sister, because of the other sisters who might notice something. I give you my permission to devote yourself to prayer and to note down some of these things, but it will be very difficult for me to protect you as regards the fasting. Really, I can think of no solution to this," and she said, "Go now, Sister, and perhaps some light will come to me." On Sunday morning, I understood that when Mother Superior assigned me as portress during mealtime, she was doing so with the thought of giving me the opportunity to fast. In the morning, I did not go to breakfast, but, a little while later, I went to Mother Superior and asked her whether I had been assigned as portress in view of making it possible for me to fast unnoticed. Mother replied, "When I assigned you, [106] Sister, it was with this in mind." I then saw that this was the same thought that I had had interiorly.
531 November 24, 1935. Sunday, first day. I went at once
before the Blessed Sacrament and offered myself with Jesus, present in the Most
Holy Sacrament, to the Everlasting Father. Then I heard these words in my soul:
Your purpose and that of your companions is to unite yourselves with Me as
closely as possible; through love You will reconcile earth with heaven, you
will soften the just anger of God, and you will plead for mercy for the world.
I place in your care two pearls very precious to My Heart: these are the souls
of priests and religious. You will pray particularly for them; their power will
come from your diminishment. You will join prayers, fasts, mortifications,
labors and all sufferings to My prayer, fasting, mortification, labors and
sufferings and then they will have power before My Father.
538 There will be no distinction between the sisters, no
mothers,[107] no reverends, no venerable, but all will be equal,
even though there might be great differences in their parentage. We know who
Jesus was, and yet how He humbled himself and with whom He associated. Their
habit will be like that worn by Jesus during His Passion, and they will not
simply wear the robe [He wore]; they must also seal themselves with the marks
He bore: suffering and scorn. Each one will strive for the greatest self-denial
and have a love of humility, and she who will distinguish herself most in this
latter virtue will be the one who is capable of leading the others.
540 In the evening when I was writing, I heard a voice in my
cell which said, "Do not leave this Congregation; have mercy upon
yourself, such great sufferings are in store for you." When I looked in
the direction of the voice, I saw nothing, and I continued to write. Suddenly I
heard a noise and the words: "When you leave, we will destroy you. Do not
torture us." I glanced around and saw many ugly monsters. So I mentally
made the sign of the Cross and they disappeared immediately. How terribly ugly
Satan is! The poor damned souls that have to keep him company! Just the sight
of him is more disgusting than all the torments of hell.
546 Meals. We will have no meat. Our meals shall be such
that not even the poor will have any reason to envy us. Still, feast days may
differ slightly from regular days. The sisters will eat three times a day.
Fasts, especially the two great ones, will be observed strictly, according to
the original spirit. The food should be the same for all the nuns without exception
so that communal life may be kept pure. This refers not only to food but to
clothing and the furnishing of cells as well. However, if a sister should fall
ill, she should receive every consideration.
571 O my Jesus, Eternal Truth, I fear nothing, neither
hardships nor sufferings; I fear only one thing, and that is to offend You. My
Jesus, I would rather not exist than make You sad. Jesus, You know that my love
knows no one but You. My soul is absorbed in You.
572 Oh, how great should be the ardor of every soul who will
live in that convent, since God desires to come and live with us! Let everyone
remember that if we religious do not intercede before God, who will? Each of us
should burn like a pure sacrifice before the majesty of God, but to be pleasing
to God, each one should unite herself closely to Jesus. It is only with Him, in
Him and through Him that we can be pleasing to God.
573 December 21, 1935. One day my confessor [Father Sopocko]
told me to go and look at a certain house to see whether it was the same house
I had seen in my vision. When I went with my confessor to see that house, or
rather those ruins, at a glance I recognized that they were the same as I had
seen in my vision. The moment I touched the boards which had been nailed together
in place of the doors, a strength pervaded my soul like a flash, giving me
unshakable certitude. I went away quickly from that place, my heart full of
joy, for it seemed to me that there was a certain force chaining me to that
place.
I am very happy to see that everything agrees perfectly with what I saw in the vision. When the confessor spoke to me about the arrangement of the cells and other things, I recognized everything to be the same as had been told to me by Jesus. I am delighted that God is acting in this way through my confessor, but I am not surprised that God is giving him so much light; since God, who is Light itself, lives in a pure and humble heart, and all sufferings and adversities serve but to reveal the soul's holiness. When I returned home, I went immediately to our chapel to rest a while. Then suddenly I heard these words in my soul: Do not fear anything. I am with you. These matters are in My hands and I will bring them to fruition according to My mercy, for nothing can oppose My will.
I am very happy to see that everything agrees perfectly with what I saw in the vision. When the confessor spoke to me about the arrangement of the cells and other things, I recognized everything to be the same as had been told to me by Jesus. I am delighted that God is acting in this way through my confessor, but I am not surprised that God is giving him so much light; since God, who is Light itself, lives in a pure and humble heart, and all sufferings and adversities serve but to reveal the soul's holiness. When I returned home, I went immediately to our chapel to rest a while. Then suddenly I heard these words in my soul: Do not fear anything. I am with you. These matters are in My hands and I will bring them to fruition according to My mercy, for nothing can oppose My will.
575 Midnight Mass. During Holy Mass, I again saw the little
Infant Jesus, extremely beautiful, joyfully stretching out His little arms to
me. After Holy Communion, I heard the words: I am always in your heart; not
only when you receive Me in Holy Communion, but always. I spent these
holydays in great joy.
576 O Holy Trinity, Eternal God, my spirit is drowned in
Your beauty. The ages are as nothing in Your sight. You are always the same.
Oh, how great is Your majesty. Jesus, why do You conceal Your majesty, why have
You left Your heavenly throne and dwelt among us? The Lord answered me, My
daughter, love has brought Me here, and love keeps Me here. My daughter, if you
knew what great merit and reward is earned by one act of pure love for Me, you
would die of joy. I am saying this that you may constantly unite yourself with
Me through love, for this is the goal of the life of your soul. This act is an
act of the will. Know that a pure soul is humble. When you lower and empty
yourself before My majesty, I then pursue you with My graces and make use of My
omnipotence to exalt you.
593 O my Jesus, nothing is better for the soul than
humiliations. In contempt is the secret of happiness, when the soul recognizes
that, of itself, it is only wretchedness and nothingness, and that whatever it
possesses of good is a gift of God. When the soul sees that everything is given
it freely and that the only thing it has of itself is its own misery, this is
what sustains it in a continual act of humble prostration before the majesty of
God. And God, seeing the soul in such a disposition, pursues it with His
graces. As the soul continues to immerse itself more deeply into the abyss of
its nothingness and need, God uses His omnipotence to exalt it. If there is a
truly happy soul upon earth, it can only be a truly humble soul. At first,
one's self-love suffers greatly on this account, but after a soul has struggled
courageously, God grants it much light by which it sees how wretched and full
of deception everything is. God alone is in its heart. A humble soul does not
trust itself, but places all its confidence in God. God defends the humble soul
and lets Himself into its secrets, and the soul abides in unsurpassable
happiness which no one can comprehend.
605 O Holy Trinity, Eternal God, I thank You for allowing me
to know the greatness and the various degrees of glory to which souls attain.
Oh, what a great difference of depth in the knowledge of God there is between
one degree and another! Oh, if people could only know this! O my God, if I were
thereby able to attain one more degree, I would gladly suffer all the torments
of the martyrs put together. Truly, all those torments seem as nothing to me
compared with the glory that is awaiting us for all eternity. O Lord, immerse
my soul in the ocean of Your divinity and grant me the grace of knowing You;
for the better I know You, the more I desire You, and the more my love for You
grows. I feel in my soul an unfathomable abyss which only God can fill. I lose
myself in Him as a drop does in the ocean. The Lord has inclined himself to my
misery like a ray of the sun upon a barren and rocky desert. And yet, under the
influence of His rays, my soul has become covered with verdure, flowers, and
fruit, and has become a beautiful garden for His repose.
606 My Jesus, despite Your graces, I see and feel all my
misery. I begin my day with battle and end it with battle. As soon as I conquer
one obstacle, ten more appear to take its place. But I am not worried, because
I know that this is the time of struggle, not peace. When the burden of the
battle becomes too much for me, I throw myself like a child into the arms of
the heavenly Father and trust I will not perish. O my Jesus, how prone I am to
evil, and this forces me to be constantly vigilant. But I do not lose heart. I
trust God's grace, which abounds in the worst misery.
607 In the midst of the worst difficulties and adversities,
I do not lose inner peace or exterior balance, and this discourages my
adversaries. Patience in adversity gives power to the soul.
611 O my Jesus, I implore You by the goodness of Your most
sweet Heart, let Your anger diminish and show us Your mercy. May Your wounds be
our shield against Your Father's justice. I have come to know You, O God, as
the source of mercy that vivifies and nourishes every soul. Oh, how great is
the mercy of the Lord; it surpasses all His other qualities! Mercy is the
greatest attribute of God; everything that surrounds me speaks to me of this.
Mercy is the life of souls; His compassion is inexhaustible. O Lord, look on us
and deal with us according to Your countless mercies, according to Your great
mercy.
615 March 1, 1936. Today during Holy Mass I experienced a
strange force and urge to start realizing God's wishes. I had such a clear understanding
of the things the Lord was asking of me that truly if I were to say that I do
not understand what God is demanding from me, I would be lying, because the
Lord is making His will known to me so clearly and distinctly that I do not
have the least shadow of a doubt about them. I realized that it would be the
greatest ingratitude to delay any longer this undertaking which the Lord wishes
to bring to fulfillment for His glory and the benefit of a great number of
souls. And He is using me as a miserable tool through which to realize His
eternal plans of mercy. Truly, how ungrateful my soul would be to resist God's
will any longer. Nothing will stop me any longer, be it persecution,
sufferings, sneers, threats, entreaties, hunger, cold, flattery, friendships,
adversities, friends or enemies; be it things I am experiencing now or things
that will come in the future or even the hatred of hell-nothing will deter me
from doing the will of God.
I am not counting on my own strength, but on His omnipotence for, as he gave me the grace of knowing His holy will, He will also grant me the grace of fulfilling it. I cannot fail to mention how much my own lower nature resists this thing, manifesting its own desires, and there results within my soul a great struggle, like that of Jesus in the Garden of Olives. And so I too cry out to God, the Eternal Father, "If it is possible, take this cup from me, but, nevertheless, not my will, but Yours be done, O Lord; may Your will be done." What I am about to go through is no secret to me, but with full knowledge I accept whatever You send me, O Lord. I trust in You, O merciful God, and I wish to be the first to manifest to You that confidence which You demand of souls. O Eternal Truth, help me and enlighten me along the roadways of life, and grant that Your will be accomplished in me.
My God, I desire nothing but the fulfillment of Your will. It does not matter whether it will be easy or difficult. I feel an extraordinary force driving me to action. One thing alone holds me back, and that is holy obedience. O my Jesus, You urge me on the one hand and hold me back and restrain me on the other. In this, too, O my Jesus, may Your holy will be done.
I continued in this state, without a break, for many days. My physical strength declined, and though I did not speak to anyone about it, nevertheless Mother Superior [Borgia] noticed my pain and remarked that I had changed in appearance and was very pale. She told me to go to bed earlier and to sleep longer, and she had a cup of hot milk brought to me in the evening. She had a motherly heart, full of care, and tried to help me. But in the case of spiritual sufferings, external things have no influence, and they do not bring much relief. It was from the confessional that I drew my strength and the consolation of knowing that it would not be long before I could begin to act.
I am not counting on my own strength, but on His omnipotence for, as he gave me the grace of knowing His holy will, He will also grant me the grace of fulfilling it. I cannot fail to mention how much my own lower nature resists this thing, manifesting its own desires, and there results within my soul a great struggle, like that of Jesus in the Garden of Olives. And so I too cry out to God, the Eternal Father, "If it is possible, take this cup from me, but, nevertheless, not my will, but Yours be done, O Lord; may Your will be done." What I am about to go through is no secret to me, but with full knowledge I accept whatever You send me, O Lord. I trust in You, O merciful God, and I wish to be the first to manifest to You that confidence which You demand of souls. O Eternal Truth, help me and enlighten me along the roadways of life, and grant that Your will be accomplished in me.
My God, I desire nothing but the fulfillment of Your will. It does not matter whether it will be easy or difficult. I feel an extraordinary force driving me to action. One thing alone holds me back, and that is holy obedience. O my Jesus, You urge me on the one hand and hold me back and restrain me on the other. In this, too, O my Jesus, may Your holy will be done.
I continued in this state, without a break, for many days. My physical strength declined, and though I did not speak to anyone about it, nevertheless Mother Superior [Borgia] noticed my pain and remarked that I had changed in appearance and was very pale. She told me to go to bed earlier and to sleep longer, and she had a cup of hot milk brought to me in the evening. She had a motherly heart, full of care, and tried to help me. But in the case of spiritual sufferings, external things have no influence, and they do not bring much relief. It was from the confessional that I drew my strength and the consolation of knowing that it would not be long before I could begin to act.
633 I am greatly surprised at how one can be so jealous.
When I see someone else's good, I rejoice at it as if it were mine. The joy of
others is my joy, and the suffering of others is my suffering, for otherwise I
would not dare to commune with the Lord Jesus. The spirit of Jesus is always
simple, meek, sincere; all malice, envy, and unkindness disguised under a smile
of good will are clever little devils. A severe word flowing from sincere love
does not wound the heart.
638 Jesus, drive away from me the thoughts that are not in
accord with Your will. I know that nothing now binds me to this earth but this
work of mercy.
639 Thursday. During the evening adoration, I saw Jesus
scourged and tortured. He said to me, My daughter, I desire that even in the
smallest things, you rely on your confessor. Your greatest sacrifices do not
please Me if you practice them without the confessor's permission; on the other
hand, the smallest sacrifice finds great value in My eyes, if it is done with
his permission. The greatest works are worthless in My eyes if they are done
out of self-will, and often they are not in accord with My will and merit
punishment rather than reward. And on the other hand, even the smallest of your
acts, done with the confessor's permission is pleasing in My eyes and very dear
to Me. Hold firmly to this always. Be constantly on the watch, for many souls
will turn back from the gates of hell and worship My mercy. But fear nothing,
as I am with you. Know that of yourself you can do nothing.
642 Palm Sunday. This Sunday, I experienced in a special way
the sentiments of the most sweet Heart of Jesus. My spirit was there where
Jesus was. I saw Jesus riding on a donkey's foal, and the disciples and a great
multitude with branches in their hands joyfully accompanying the Lord Jesus.
Some strewed them before His feet where He was riding, while others raised
their branches in the air, leaping and jumping before the Lord and not knowing
what to do for joy. And I saw another crowd which came out to meet Jesus,
likewise with joyful faces and with branches in their hands, and they were
crying out unceasingly with joy. There were little children there also. But
Jesus was very grave, and the Lord gave me to know how much He was suffering at
the time. And at that moment, I saw nothing but only Jesus, whose Heart was
saturated with ingratitude.
644 When I left the confessional, a
multitude of thoughts oppressed my soul. Why be sincere? What I have told is no
sin, so I have no duty to tell it to the confessor. And again, what a relief
that I do not have to heed my interior any more as long as things are all right
on the outside. I do not have to pay attention to anything or to follow the
inner voices that have often cost me so much humiliation. From now on, I will
be free. And again, a strange pain seized my soul: can I not, then, commune
with the One whom I desire so greatly? The One who is the whole strength of my
soul? I began to cry out, "To whom shall I go, O Jesus?" But from the
moment of the confessor's prohibition, great darkness fell upon my soul. I
feared lest I hear some inner voice, which would occasion the breaking of my
confessor's prohibition. And then again, I die of longing for God. My interior
is torn asunder, not having any will of its own, since it has been turned over
completely to God.
That was on Wednesday of Holy Week. The suffering intensified on Holy Thursday. When I came to make my meditation, I entered into a kind of agony. I did not feel the presence of God, but all the justice of God weighed heavily upon me. I saw myself as if knocked down for the sins of the world. Satan began to mock me, "See, now you will no longer strive to win souls; look how you've been paid! Nobody will believe you that Jesus demands this. See how much you are suffering now, and how much more you are going to suffer! After all, the confessor has now released you from all these things." Now I can live as I like, as long as things are all right outwardly. These dreadful thoughts tormented me throughout the whole hour.
When it was almost time for Holy Mass, my heart was seized with pain; am I, then, to leave the Congregation? And since Father has told me that this is a kind of heresy, am I to fall away from the Church? I cried out to the Lord with a sorrowful interior cry, "Jesus, save me!" Still, not a single ray of light entered my soul, and I felt my strength failing, as if the body were separating itself from the soul. I submitted to the will of God and repeated, "O God, let whatever You have decided upon happen to me. Nothing in me is any longer my own." Then, suddenly, God's presence enveloped me and penetrated me through and through. This was just as I was receiving Holy Communion. A moment after Holy Communion, I lost all awareness of everything around me and of my whereabouts.
That was on Wednesday of Holy Week. The suffering intensified on Holy Thursday. When I came to make my meditation, I entered into a kind of agony. I did not feel the presence of God, but all the justice of God weighed heavily upon me. I saw myself as if knocked down for the sins of the world. Satan began to mock me, "See, now you will no longer strive to win souls; look how you've been paid! Nobody will believe you that Jesus demands this. See how much you are suffering now, and how much more you are going to suffer! After all, the confessor has now released you from all these things." Now I can live as I like, as long as things are all right outwardly. These dreadful thoughts tormented me throughout the whole hour.
When it was almost time for Holy Mass, my heart was seized with pain; am I, then, to leave the Congregation? And since Father has told me that this is a kind of heresy, am I to fall away from the Church? I cried out to the Lord with a sorrowful interior cry, "Jesus, save me!" Still, not a single ray of light entered my soul, and I felt my strength failing, as if the body were separating itself from the soul. I submitted to the will of God and repeated, "O God, let whatever You have decided upon happen to me. Nothing in me is any longer my own." Then, suddenly, God's presence enveloped me and penetrated me through and through. This was just as I was receiving Holy Communion. A moment after Holy Communion, I lost all awareness of everything around me and of my whereabouts.
645 Then I saw the Lord Jesus, as He
is represented in the image, and He said to me, Tell the confessor that this
work is Mine and that I am using you as a lowly instrument. And I said,
"Jesus, I can no longer do anything You command me to do, because my
confessor has told me that all this is an illusion, and that I am not allowed
to obey any of Your commands. I will do nothing that You will tell me to do
now. I am sorry, my Lord, but I am not allowed to do anything, and I must obey
my confessor. Jesus, I most earnestly ask Your pardon. You know how much I
suffer because of this, but it can't be helped, Jesus. The confessor has
forbidden me to follow Your orders." Jesus listened to my arguments and
complaints with kindness and satisfaction. I thought the Lord Jesus would be
grievously offended but, on the contrary, He was pleased and said to me kindly,
Always tell your confessor about everything I say to you and command you to do,
and do only that for which you obtain permission. Do not be upset, and fear
nothing; I am with you. My soul was filled with joy, and all those
oppressive thoughts vanished. Certitude and courage entered my soul.
646 But after a short while, I
entered into the sufferings which Jesus underwent in the Garden of Olives. This
lasted until Friday morning. On Friday, I experienced the Passion of Jesus but,
this time, in a different way. On that day, Father Bukowski came from Derdy. Some
strange power pushed me to go to confession and tell him about everything that
had happened to me and about what Jesus had said to me. When I told Father, he
was quite different and he said to me, "Sister, don't be afraid of
anything; you will come to no harm, for the ' Lord Jesus will not allow it. If
you are obedient and persevere in this disposition, you need not worry about
anything. God will find a way to bring about His work. You should always have
this simplicity and sincerity and tell everything to Mother General. What I
said to ; you was said as a warning, because illusions may afflict even holy
persons, and Satan's insinuations may play a part in this, and sometimes this
comes from our own selves, so one has to be careful. And so continue as you have
thus far. You can see, Sister, that the Lord is not angered by this. And
Sister, you can repeat these things that have happened to you at present to
your regular confessor [Father Sopocko]."
648 Good Friday. At three o'clock, I
saw the Lord Jesus, crucified, who looked at me and said, I thirst. Then
I saw two rays issue from His side, just as they appear in the image. I then
felt in my soul the desire to save souls and to empty myself for the sake of
poor sinners. I offered myself, together with the dying Jesus, to the Eternal
Father, for the salvation of the whole world. With Jesus, through Jesus and in
Jesus is my communion with You, Eternal Father. On Good Friday, Jesus suffered
in His soul in a way which was different from [His suffering on] Holy Thursday.
650 O my Jesus, my Master and
Director, strengthen and enlighten me in these difficult moments of my life. I
expect no help from people; all my hope is in You. I feel alone in the face of
Your demands, O Lord. Despite the fears and qualms of my nature, I am
fulfilling Your holy will and desire to fulfill it as faithfully as possible
throughout my life and in my death. Jesus, with You I can do all things. Do
with me as You please; only give me Your merciful Heart and that is enough for
me.
O Jesus my Lord, help me. Let what You have planned before all ages happen to me. I am ready at each beckoning of Your holy will. Enlighten my mind that I may know Your will. O God, You who pervade my soul, You know that I desire nothing but Your glory.
O Divine Will, You are the delight of my heart, the food of my soul, the light of my intellect, the omnipotent strength of my will; for when I unite myself with Your will, O Lord, Your power works through me and takes the place of my feeble will. Each day, I seek to carry out God's wishes.
O Jesus my Lord, help me. Let what You have planned before all ages happen to me. I am ready at each beckoning of Your holy will. Enlighten my mind that I may know Your will. O God, You who pervade my soul, You know that I desire nothing but Your glory.
O Divine Will, You are the delight of my heart, the food of my soul, the light of my intellect, the omnipotent strength of my will; for when I unite myself with Your will, O Lord, Your power works through me and takes the place of my feeble will. Each day, I seek to carry out God's wishes.
(Diary
of Sister Faustina Kowalska Notebook-I-36, 28-39, 41, 46, 56-57, 67-70, 73, 77)
(Diary
of Sister Faustina Kowalska Notebook-I-78, 90, 93, 94-95, 98, 101, 104-106)
(Diary
of Sister Faustina Kowalska Notebook-I-109, 111, 114-116, 135-137-138)
(Diary
of Sister Faustina Kowalska Notebook-I-148-150, 208, 367, 482-483, 509)
(Diary
of Sister Faustina Kowalska Notebook-II-485, 507, 530-531, 538, 540, 546)
(Diary
of Sister Faustina Kowalska Notebook-II-571-573, 575)
(Diary
of Sister Faustina Kowalska Notebook-II-576, 593, 605-607, 611, 615, 633, 638)
(Diary
of Sister Faustina Kowalska Notebook-II-639-642, 644-646, 648, 650
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