In Your Light We See Light
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March 14, 2016. Monday
of the Fifth Week of Lent
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Father Shawn Aaron, LC
John 8: 12-20
Jesus spoke to the
scribes and Pharisees saying, "I am the light of the world. Whoever
follows me will not walk in darkness, but will have the light of life."
So the Pharisees said to him, "You testify on your own behalf, so your
testimony cannot be verified." Jesus answered and said to them,
"Even if I do testify on my own behalf, my testimony can be verified,
because I know where I came from and where I am going. But you do not know
where I come from or where I am going. You judge by appearances, but I do not
judge anyone. And even if I should judge, my judgment is valid, because I am
not alone, but it is I and the Father who sent me. Even in your law it is
written that the testimony of two men can be verified. I testify on my behalf
and so does the Father who sent me." So they said to him, "Where is
your father?" Jesus answered, "You know neither me nor my Father.
If you knew me, you would know my Father also." He spoke these words
while teaching in the treasury in the Temple area. But no one arrested him,
because his hour had not yet come.
Introductory Prayer: Father, You call Your children to walk in the light of Christ.
Free us from darkness and keep us in the radiance of Your truth.
Petition: Lord, grant me the light of faith.
1. I am the Light of
the World: The world needs
light. I need light. Christ came to teach us about his Father. His
life is a beacon amidst the gloom and haze of a life without purpose. His
testimony of life enlightens our minds, our hearts and our consciences. Jesus
will one day say, “I am the Way, the Truth and the Life.” I am the Way to the
Father. All creation came to be through the one Word of the Father. But
creation itself was marred by man’s sin. So the Word became flesh to make all
things new. Therefore all creation must pass through Me if it is to reach its
point of rest in My Father’s house. I am the Truth about God and about man.
Look to Me, meditate on My life and you will discover the meaning, the
purpose and the infinite value of your own life. From Me you will learn how
to properly conduct yourself in relation to the Father and your neighbor. My
truth gives light to your conscience especially in those moments of morally
difficult decisions. I am Life itself, the source of your natural and
supernatural life. “And this life became the light of men” (John 1:4).
2. Whoever follows
me will not walk in darkness, but will have the light of life: There are moments when this statement seems
altogether untrue; moments in life when the soul seeking to follow Christ and
to dedicate itself to extending God’s Kingdom ends up persecuted, alone and
confused. Consider how Our Lady faced situations when she did not clearly
comprehend God’s ways: Joseph’s decision to divorce her, the birth in a
stable, the martyrdom of the Holy Innocents, the flight to Egypt, the child
Jesus lost in the Temple, the trial, scourging, crucifixion and death of her
son. It was precisely in this ‘darkness’ that the light of faith guided her “more
surely than the noon-day sun” (St. John of the Cross). It is the
light of this faith in the God that we do not see that enables us to love our
brothers and sisters that we do see. It is the light of this faith that permits
us to grasp the divine and human presence of Our Lord in the consecrated
host. It is the light of this faith that allows us to find God’s image in
each person from the moment of conception up until the last drawn breath,
regardless of race, creed, physical or mental capacities. Faith, real and
true faith, transforms our entire lives. Even when faced with the deepest
solitude, the cruelest sickness, the bitterest moral pain, a soul that
believes and lives in accord with faith feels intimately happy. It knows that
with its suffering it shows its love for God, becomes more like Jesus Christ,
and collaborates a little in the salvation of souls by joining its suffering
with those of Jesus”.
3. I know where I
came from and where I am going: John’s Gospel insists on the total identity between the Father
and the Son. Jesus does not “stumble upon” his identity nor does he just
“happen to be” captured and crucified. ‘Though he was in the form of God he
humbled himself and took the form of a slave” (Philippians 2) that we might
“have life and have it fully” (John 10:10). He came to lay down his life so
that he might put to death our sinful nature and take us up again in the
newness of his life. As St. Irenaeus stated, “he recapitulates” all things in
his person. The full self-knowledge of who he is reveals to us the boundless
freedom of his love, a love that animates his every action, especially his
death on the cross. Dying was his reason for living.
Conversation with Christ: Dear Lord, in Your
light I see light. In Your life I find the explanation of my own life. You
are my meaning, my purpose and my lasting hope. You also know that the
demands of daily living deeply affect my life. The tug and pull of the world
constantly invite me down a path that, if followed, may one day separate me
from You, my true joy. Grant me the light of faith and give me the grace to
seek You generously and sincerely so that, united to You, I too may be light,
salt and leaven for those I meet today. Mother of Purity, make my heart only
for Jesus.
Resolution: At least three times today I will stop what
I am doing to lift my heart, my thoughts and my will to Jesus, reorienting my
actions towards him.
Excerpts from the DIARY of Saint Faustina
Kowalska
16 It was during
the octave of Corpus Christi [June 25, 1925]. God filled my soul with the
interior light of a deeper knowledge of Him as Supreme Goodness and Supreme
Beauty. I came to know how very much God loves me. Eternal is His love for
me. It was at vespers. In simple words, which flowed from the heart, I made
to God a vow of perpetual chastity. From that moment I felt a greater
intimacy with God, my Spouse. From that moment I set up a little cell in my
heart where I always kept company with Jesus.
18
However, after three weeks I became aware that there is so very little time
here for prayer, and of many other things which spoke to my soul in favor of
entering a religious community of a stricter observance. This thought took a
firm hold of my soul, but the will of God was not in it. Still, the thought,
or rather the temptation, was growing stronger and stronger to the point
where I decided one day to announce my departure to Mother Superior and
definitely to leave [the convent]. But God arranged the circumstances in such
a way that I could not get to the Mother Superior [Michael]. I stepped into
the little chapel [7]
before going to bed, and I asked Jesus for light in this matter. But I
received nothing in my soul except a strange unrest which I did not
understand. But, in spite of everything, I made up my mind to approach Mother
Superior the next morning right after Mass and tell her of my decision.
27 First vows [First profession of temporary vows, April
30, 1928]. An ardent desire to empty myself for God by an active love, but a
love that would be imperceptible, even to the sisters closest to me.
However, even after the vows, darkness continued to reign in my soul for almost a half year. Once, when I was praying, Jesus pervaded all my soul, darkness melted away, and I heard these words within me: You are My joy; you are My heart's delight. From that moment I felt the Most Holy Trinity in my heart; that is to say, within myself. I felt that I was inundated with Divine light. Since then, my soul has been in intimate communion with God, like a child with its beloved Father.
30 +On
one occasion I was reflecting on the Holy Trinity, on the essence of God. I
absolutely wanted to know and fathom who God is. ... In an instant my spirit
was caught up into what seemed to be the next world. I saw an inaccessible
light, and in this light what appeared like three sources of light which I
could not understand. And out of that light came words in the form of lightning
which encircled heaven and earth. Not understanding anything, I was very sad.
Suddenly, from this sea of inaccessible light came our dearly beloved Savior,
unutterably beautiful with His shining Wounds. And from this light came a
voice which said, Who God is in His Essence, no one will fathom, neither
the mind of Angels nor of man. Jesus said to me, Get to know God by
contemplating His attributes. A moment later, He traced the sign of the
cross with His hand and vanished."
50 +I desire that priests proclaim this
great mercy of Mine towards souls of sinners. Let the sinner not be afraid to
approach Me. The flames of mercy are burning Me - clamoring to be spent; I
want to pour them out upon these souls.
Jesus complained to me in these words, Distrust on the part of souls is tearing at My insides. The distrust of a chosen soul causes Me even greater pain; despite My inexhaustible love for them they do not trust Me. Even My death is not enough for them. Woe to the soul that abuses these [gifts].
67 When
I fell sick [probably the beginning of consumption] after my first vows and
when, despite the kind and solicitous care of my Superiors and the efforts of
the doctor, I felt neither better nor worse, remarks began to reach my ears
which inferred that I was making believe. With that, my suffering was
doubled, and this lasted for quite a long time. One day I complained to Jesus
that I was being a burden to the sisters. Jesus answered me, You are not
living for yourself but for souls, and other souls will profit from your
sufferings. Your prolonged suffering will give them the light and strength to
accept My will.
O
Divine Sun, in Your rays the soul sees the tiniest specks of dust which
displease You.
72 O Jesus, eternal Truth, our Life, I call upon You and I beg Your mercy for poor sinners. O sweetest Heart of my Lord, full of pity and unfathomable mercy, I plead with You for poor sinners. O Most Sacred Heart, Fount of Mercy from which gush forth rays of inconceivable graces upon the entire human race, I beg of You light for poor sinners. O Jesus, be mindful of Your own bitter Passion and do not permit the loss of souls redeemed at so dear a price of Your most precious Blood. O Jesus, when I consider the great price of Your Blood, I rejoice at its immensity, for one drop alone would have been enough for the salvation of all sinners. Although sin is an abyss of wickedness and ingratitude, the price paid for us can never be equaled. Therefore, let every soul trust in the Passion of the Lord, and place its hope in His mercy. God will not deny His mercy to anyone. Heaven and earth may change, but God's mercy will never be exhausted. Oh, what immense joy burns in my heart when I contemplate Your incomprehensible goodness, O Jesus! I desire to bring all sinners to Your feet that they may glorify Your mercy throughout endless ages.
75
But these doubts always come from without, a fact which inclined me to close
myself up more and more within myself. When, during confession, I sense
uncertainty on the part of the priest, I do not open my soul to its depths,
but only accuse myself of my sins. A priest who is not at peace with himself
will not be able to inspire peace in another soul.
O priests, you bright candles enlightening human souls, let your brightness never be dimmed. I understood that at that time it was not God's will that I uncover my soul completely. Later on, God did give me this grace.
83 Write this:
before I come as the just Judge, I am coming first as the King of Mercy.
Before the day of justice arrives, there will be given to people a sign in
the heavens of this sort: All light in the heavens will be extinguished, and
there will be great darkness over the whole earth. Then the sign of the cross
will be seen in the sky, and from the openings where the hands and the feet
of the Savior were nailed will come forth great lights which will light up
the earth for a period of time. This will take place shortly before the last
day.
84 O Blood and
Water, which gushed forth from the Heart of Jesus as a fount of mercy for us,
I trust in You!
Vilnius, August 2,
1934.
85 On Friday, after
Holy Communion, I was carried in spirit before the throne of God. There I saw
the heavenly Powers which incessantly praise God. Beyond the throne I saw a
brightness inaccessible to creatures, and there only the Incarnate Word
enters as Mediator. When Jesus entered
this light, I heard these words, Write down at once what you hear: I am
the Lord in My essence and am immune to orders or needs. If I call
creatures into being - that is the abyss of My mercy. And at that
very moment I found myself, as before, in our chapel at my kneeler, just as
Mass had ended. I already had these words written.
95 +A Deeper Knowledge of God and the Terror of the Soul.
In the beginning, God lets himself be known as Holiness, Justice, Goodness - that is to say, Mercy. The soul does not come to know this all at once, but piecemeal, in flashes; that is to say, when God draws near. And this does not last for long, because the soul could not bear such light. During prayer the soul experiences flashes of this light which make it impossible to pray as before. Try as it may to force itself to pray as it did before, all is in vain; it becomes completely impossible for it to continue to pray as it did before it received this light. This light which has touched the soul is alive within it, and nothing can either quench or diminish it. This flash of the knowledge of God draws the soul and enkindles its love for Him. But this same flash, at the same time, allows the soul to know itself as it is; the soul sees its whole interior in a superior light, and it rises up alarmed and terrified. Still, it does not remain under the effects of terror, but it begins to purify itself, to humble and abase itself before the Lord. These lights become stronger and more frequent; the more the soul is crystallized, the more these lights penetrate it. However, if the soul has responded faithfully and courageously to these first graces, God fills it with His consolations and gives himself to it in a perceptible manner. At certain moments, the soul, as it were, enters into intimacy with God and greatly rejoices in this; it believes that it has already reached the degree of perfection destined for it, because its defects and faults are asleep within it, and this makes it think that they no longer exist. Nothing seems difficult for it; it is ready for everything. It begins to plunge itself into God and taste the divine delights. It is carried along by grace and does not take account of the fact that the time of trial and testing may come. And, in fact, this state does not last long. Other moments will soon come. I should add here, however, that the soul will respond more faithfully to divine grace if it has a well - informed confessor to whom it can confide everything.
+ The Trial of
Trials, Complete Abandonment - Despair
98 When the soul comes out victorious from the preceding trials, even though it may stumble here and there, it fights on valiantly, humbly calling upon God, "Save me, I am perishing!" And it is still able to fight on. At this point, however, the soul is engulfed in a horrible night. It sees within itself only sin. It feels terrible. It sees itself completely abandoned by God. It feels itself to be the object of His hatred. It is but one step away from despair. The soul does its best to defend itself; it tries to stir up its confidence; but prayer is an even greater torment for it, as this prayer seems to arouse God to an even greater anger. The soul finds itself poised on the summit of a lofty mountain on the very brink of a precipice. The soul is drawn to God, but feels repulsed. All other sufferings and tortures in the world are as nothing compared with this sensation into which it has been plunged; namely, that of being rejected by God. No one can bring it any relief; it finds itself completely alone; there is no one to defend it. It raises its eyes to heaven, but is convinced that this is not for her-for her all is lost. It falls deeper and deeper from darkness to darkness, and it seems to it that it has lost forever the God it used to love so dearly. This thought is torture beyond all description. But the soul does not agree to it and tries to lift its gaze toward heaven, but in vain! And this makes the torture even more intense. If God wishes to keep the soul in such darkness, no one will be able to give it light. It experiences rejection by God in a vivid and terrifying manner. From its heart burst forth painful moans, so painful that no priest will comprehend it, unless he himself has been through these trials. In the midst of this, the evil spirit adds to the soul's suffering, mocking it: "Will you persist in your faithfulness? This is your reward; you are in our power!" But Satan has only as much influence over the soul as God allows him, and God knows how much we can bear. "What have you gotten out of your mortifications," says Satan, "and out of your fidelity to the rule? What use are all these efforts? You have been rejected by God!" This word, rejected, becomes a fire which penetrates every nerve to the marrow of the bone. It pierces right through her entire being. The ordeal reaches its climax. The soul no longer looks for help anywhere. It shrinks into itself and loses sight of everything; it is as though it has accepted the torture of being abandoned. This is a moment for which I have no words. This is the agony of the soul.
99 When for the
first time this moment was drawing near, I was snatched from it by virtue of
holy obedience. The Directress of Novices, alarmed by my appearance, sent me
off to confession, but the confessor did not understand me, and I experienced
no relief whatsoever. O Jesus, give us experienced priests!
When I told this
priest I was undergoing infernal tortures, he answered that he was not
worried about my soul, because he saw in it a great grace of God. But I
understood nothing of this, and not even the least glimmer of light broke
through to my soul.
103 Suddenly I saw
the Lord interiorly, and He said to me, Fear not, My daughter; I am with
you. In that single moment, all the darkness and torments vanished, my
senses were inundated with unspeakable joy, [and] the faculties of my
soul filled with light.
109 After such sufferings the soul finds itself in a state
of great purity of spirit and very close to God. But I should add that during
these spiritual torments it is close to God, but it is blind. The soul's
vision is plunged into darkness, and though God is nearer than ever to the
soul which is suffering, the whole secret consists in the fact that it knows
nothing of this. The soul in fact declares that, not only has God abandoned
it, but it is the object of His hatred. With how great a malady are they eyes
of the soul afflicted! When struck by divine light, the soul affirms that
this light does not exist, although it is precisely because this divine light
is so bright that it is blinded. Yet despite all, I learned later that God is
closer to a soul at such moments than at others, because it would not be able
to endure these trials with the help of ordinary grace alone. God's
omnipotence and an extraordinary grace must be active here, for otherwise the
soul would succumb at the first blow.
110 O Divine Master, what happens in my soul is Your work alone! You, O Lord, are not afraid to place the soul on the edge of a terrible precipice where it stands, alarmed and filled with fright, and then You call it back again to Yourself. These are Your imponderable mysteries.
112 +A few words about confession and confessors. I shall
speak only of what I have experienced and gone through within my own soul.
There are three things which hinder the soul from drawing profit from
confession in these exceptional moments.
The first thing: when the confessor has little knowledge of extraordinary ways and shows surprise if a soul discloses to him the great mysteries worked in it by God. Such surprise frightens a sensitive soul, and it notices that the confessor hesitates to give his opinion; and if it does notice this, it will not be set at peace, but will have even more doubts after confession than before, because it will sense that the confessor is trying to set it at peace while he himself is uncertain. Or else, as has happened to me, a confessor, unable to penetrate some of the soul's mysteries, refuses to hear the confession, showing a certain fear when the soul approaches the confessional. How can a soul in this state obtain peace in the confessional when it has become so oversensitive to every word of the priest? In my opinion, at times of such special trials sent by God to a soul, the priest, if he does not understand the soul, should direct it to some other experienced and well-instructed confessor. Or else he himself should seek light in order to give the soul what it needs, instead of downrightly denying it confession. For in this way he is exposing the soul to a great danger; and more than one soul may well leave the road along which God wanted it to journey. This is a matter of great importance, for I have experienced it myself. I myself began to waver; despite special gifts from God, and even though God himself reassured me, I have nevertheless always wanted to have the Church's seal as well. The second thing: the confessor does not allow the soul to express itself frankly, and shows impatience. The soul then falls silent and does not say everything [it has to say] and, by this, profits nothing. It profits even less when the confessor, without really knowing the soul, proceeds to put it to the test. Instead of helping the soul, he does it harm. The soul is aware that the confessor does not know it, because he did not allow it to lay itself open fully as regards both its graces and its misery. And so the test is ill-adapted. I have been submitted to some tests at which I have had to laugh. I will express this better thus: The confessor is the doctor of the soul, but how can a doctor prescribe a suitable remedy if he does not know the nature of the sickness? Never will he be able to do so. For either the remedy will not produce the desired effect, or else it will be too strong and will aggravate the illness, and sometimes-God forbid-even bring about death. I am speaking from my own experience because, in certain instances, it was the Lord himself who directly sustained me. The third thing: it also happens sometimes that the confessor makes light of little things. There is nothing little in the spiritual life. Sometimes a seemingly insignificant thing will disclose a matter of great consequence and will be for the confessor a beam of light which helps him to get to know the soul. Many spiritual undertones are concealed in little things. A magnificent building will never rise if we reject the insignificant bricks. God demands great purity of certain souls, and so He gives them a deeper knowledge of their own misery. Illuminated by light from on high, the soul can better know what pleases God and what does not. Sin depends upon the degree of knowledge and light that exists within the soul. The same is true of imperfections. Although the soul knows that it is only sin in the strict sense of the term which pertains to the sacrament of penance, yet these petty things are of great importance to a soul which is tending to sanctity, and the confessor must not treat them lightly. The patience and kindness of the confessor open the way to the innermost secrets of the soul. The soul, unconsciously as it were, reveals its abysmal depth and feels stronger and more resistant; it fights with greater courage and tries to do things better because it knows it must give an account of them. I will mention one more thing regarding the confessor. It is his duty to occasionally put to the test, to try, to exercise, to learn whether he is dealing with straw, with iron or with pure gold. Each of these three types of souls needs different kinds of training. The confessor must-and this is absolutely necessary-form a clear judgment of each soul in order to know how heavy a burden it can carry at certain times, in certain circumstances, or in particular situations. As for myself, it was only later on, after many [negative] experiences, that, when I saw that I was not understood, I no longer laid bare my soul or allowed my peace to be disturbed. But this happened only when all these graces had already been submitted to the judgment of a wise, well-instructed and experienced confessor. Now I know what to go by in certain cases
115 + When a soul
has come out of these tribulations, it is deeply humble. Its purity of soul
is great. It knows better without need of reflecting, as it were, what it
ought to do at a given moment and what to forbear. It feels the lightest
touch of grace and is very faithful to God. It recognizes God from afar and
continuously rejoices in Him. It discovers God very quickly in other souls
and in its environment in general. The soul has been purified by God himself.
God, as Pure Spirit, introduces the soul to a life which is purely spiritual.
God himself has first prepared and purified the soul; that is, He has made it
capable of close communion with himself. The soul, in a state of loving
repose, communes spiritually with the Lord. It speaks to God without the need
of expressing itself through the senses. God fills it with His light.
The enlightened mind sees clearly and distinguishes the various degrees of the spiritual life. It recognizes [that state] when its union with God was imperfect: where the senses were involved, and the spirit was linked with the senses in a manner-exalted and special, to be sure but not yet perfect. There is a higher and more perfect union with God; namely, intellectual union. Here, the soul is safer from illusions; its spirituality is purer and more profound. In a life where the senses are involved, there is more danger of illusion. Both for the soul and for its confessor, prudence must play a greater part. There are moments when God introduces the soul to a purely spiritual state. The senses dim and are seemingly dead. The soul is most closely united to God; it is immersed in the Deity; its knowledge is complete and perfect, not sporadic as before, but total and absolute. It rejoices in this. But I want to say more about those moments of trial; at those times the confessor must have patience with such a soul. But the soul must have even greater patience with itself.
129 Satan always takes advantage of
such moments; thoughts of discouragement began to rise to the surface-for
your faithfulness and sincerity-this is your reward. How can one be sincere
when one is so misunderstood? Jesus, Jesus, I cannot go on any longer. Again
I fell to the ground under this weight, and I broke out in a sweat, and fear
began to overcome me. I had no one to lean on interiorly. Suddenly I heard a
voice within my soul, Do not fear; I am with you. And an unusual light
illumined my mind, and I understood that I should not give in to such
sorrows. I was filled with a certain strength and left my cell with new
courage to suffer.
131 But I will simply mention here that these various
sufferings had come to a peak, and I resolved to put an end to these doubts
of mine before my perpetual vows. Throughout my probation, I prayed for light
for the priest to whom I was to open up my soul to its depths. I asked God
that He himself would help me and grant me the grace to be able to express
even the most secret things that exist between me and Him and to be so
disposed that, whatever the priest would decide, I would accept as coming
from Jesus himself. No matter what judgment he would pass on me, all I wanted
was the truth and a decisive answer to certain questions. I put myself
completely in God's hands, and [all] my soul desired was the truth. I could
not go on living in doubt any longer although, in the depths of my soul, I
was so very sure that these things came from God, that I would lay down my
life for this. However, I placed the confessor's opinion above all, and I
made up my mind to do as he thought best and to act according to the advice
that he would give me. I looked forward to that moment which would decide the
course of my actions for the rest of my life. I knew that everything would
depend on this. It mattered little whether what he would say to me would be
in accord with my inspirations or quite the contrary; this no longer mattered
to me. I wanted to know the truth and follow it.
Jesus, You can help me! From this moment, I have begun anew. I conceal all the graces within my soul and await whomsoever the Lord will send me. With no doubt in my heart, I asked the Lord himself to deign to help me during these moments, and a courage of sorts entered my soul.
140 Pure love is capable of
great deeds, and it is not broken by difficulty or adversity. As it remains
strong in the midst of great difficulties, so too it perseveres in the
toilsome and drab life of each day. It knows that only one thing is needed to
please God: to do even the smallest things out of great love-love, and always
love.
Pure love never errs. Its light is strangely plentiful. It will not do anything that might displease God. It is ingenious at doing what is more pleasing to God, and no one will equal it. It is happy when it can empty itself and burn like a pure offering. The more it gives of itself, the happier it is. But also, no one can sense dangers from afar as can love; it knows how to unmask and also knows with whom it has to deal.
145 Oh, how wretched my soul is for having wasted so many
graces! I was running away from God, and He pursued me with his graces. I
most often experienced God's graces when I least expected them. From the
moment He gave me a spiritual director, I have been more faithful to grace. Thanks
to the director and his watchfulness over my soul, I have learned what
guidance means and how Jesus looks at it. Jesus warned me of the least fault
and stressed that He himself judges the matter that I present to my
confessor; and [He told me] that ... any transgressions against the
confessor touch Me myself.
When under his direction my soul began to experience deep recollection and peace, I often heard these words in my soul: Strengthen yourself for combat - repeated over and over at various times. +Jesus often makes known to me what He does not like in my soul, and He has more than once rebuked me for what seemed to be trifles, but which were, in fact, things of great importance. He has warned me and tried me like a Master. For many years He himself educated me, until the moment when He gave me a spiritual director. Previously, He himself had made clear to me what I did not understand; but now, He tells me to ask my confessor about everything and often says, I will answer you through his mouth. Be at peace. It has never happened to me that I have received an answer which was contrary to what the Lord wanted of me, when I presented it to the spiritual director [Father Sopocko]. It sometimes happens that Jesus first asks certain things of me, about which no one knows anything, and then, when I kneel at the confessional, my confessor gives me the same order-however, this is infrequent. +When, over a long period of time, a soul has received much light and many inspirations, and when the confessors have confirmed the source of these inspirations and set the soul at peace; if its love is great, Jesus now makes it known that it is time to put into action what it has received. The soul recognizes that God is counting on it, and this knowledge fortifies it. It knows that to be faithful it will often have to face various difficulties, but it trusts in God and, thanks to this trust, it reaches that point to which God is calling it. Difficulties do not terrify it; they are its daily bread, as it were. They do not frighten or terrify the soul, just as a warrior who is constantly in battle is not terrified by the roar of the cannon. Far from being frightened, it listens to determine from which side the enemy is launching his attack, in order to defeat him. It does nothing blindly, but examines and ponders everything deeply and, not counting on itself, it prays fervently and asks advice of other warriors who are experienced and wise. When the soul acts in this way, it nearly always wins. There are attacks when a soul has no time to think or seek advice; then it must enter into a life-or-death struggle. Sometimes it is good to flee for cover in the wound of the Heart of Jesus, without answering a single word. By this very act the enemy is already defeated. In time of peace, as well, the soul continues making efforts, just as in time of battle. It must exercise itself, and do so with energy; otherwise it has no chance of attaining victory. I regard the time of peace as a time of preparation for victory. The soul must be ever watchful; watchfulness and again, watchfulness. The soul that reflects receives much light. A distracted soul runs the risk of a fall, and let it not be surprised when it does fall. O Spirit of God, Director of the soul, wise is he whom You have trained! But for the Spirit of God to act in the soul, peace and recollection are needed.
147 I recall
that I have received most light during adoration which I made lying prostrate
before the Blessed Sacrament for half an hour every day throughout Lent.
During that time I came to know myself and God more profoundly. And yet, even
though I had the superiors' permission to do so, I encountered many obstacles
to praying in such a way. Let the soul be aware that, in order to pray and
persevere in prayer, one must arm oneself with patience and cope bravely with
exterior and interior difficulties. The interior difficulties are
discouragement, dryness, heaviness of spirit and temptations. The exterior
difficulties are human respect and time; one must observe the time set apart
for prayer. This has been my personal experience because, when I did not pray
at the time assigned for prayer, later on I could not do it because of my
duties; or if I did manage to do so, this was only with great difficulty,
because my thoughts kept wandering off to my duties. I also experienced this
difficulty: when a soul has prayed well and left prayer in a state of
profound interior recollection, others resist its recollection; and so, the
soul must be patient to persevere in prayer. It often happened to me that
when my soul was more deeply immersed in God, and I had derived greater fruit
from prayer, and God's presence accompanied me during the day, and at work
there was more recollection and greater precision and effort at my duty, this
was precisely when I received the most rebukes for being negligent in my duty
and indifferent to everything; because less recollected souls want others to
be like them, for they are a constant [source of] remorse to them.
157 +In the
evening, when I entered the small chapel, I heard these words in my soul: My
daughter, consider these words: "And being in agony, he prayed more
earnestly." When I started to think about them more deeply, much
light streamed into my soul. I learned how much we need perseverance
in prayer and that our salvation often depends on such difficult
prayer.
161 Immaculate Virgin,
Pure crystal for my heart, You are my strength, O sturdy anchor! You are the weak heart's shield and protection. Mary you are pure, of purity incomparable; At once both Virgin and Mother, You are beautiful as the sun, without blemish, And your soul is beyond all comparison. Your beauty has delighted the eye of the Thrice-Holy One. He descended from heaven, leaving His eternal throne, And took Body and Blood of your heart And for nine months lay hidden in a Virgin's Heart. O Mother, Virgin, purest of all lilies, Your heart was Jesus' first tabernacle on earth. Only because no humility was deeper than yours Were you raised above the choirs of Angels and above all Saints. O Mary, my sweet Mother, I give you my soul, my body and my poor heart. Be the guardian of my life, Especially at the hour of death, in the final strife.
164 +JMJ Warsaw, 1933.
Probation Before Perpetual Vows[56]
When I learned I was to go for probation, my
heart beat with joy at the thought of such an immense grace, that of the
perpetual vows. I went before the Blessed Sacrament; and when I immersed
myself in a prayer of thanksgiving, I heard these words in my soul: My
child you are My delight, you are the comfort of My Heart. I grant you
as many graces as you can hold. As often as you want to make Me happy,
speak to the world about My great and unfathomable mercy.
166 In prayer I
always find light and strength of spirit, although there are moments so
trying and hurtful, that it is sometimes difficult to imagine that these
things can happen in a convent. Strangely, God sometimes allows them, but
always in order to manifest or develop virtue in a soul. That is the reason
for trials.
173 Satan's
temptations during meditation. I felt a strange fear that the priest would
not
understand me, or
that he would have no time to hear everything I would have to say. How am I
going to tell him all this? If it were Father Bukowski I could do it more
easily, but this Jesuit whom I am seeing for the first time... Then I
remembered Father Bukowski's advice that I should at least take brief notes
of the lights sent to me by God during the retreats and give him at least a
brief report on them. My God, for a day and a half all has gone well, and now
a life and death struggle is beginning. The conference is to start in a half
hour, and then I am to go to confession. Satan tried to persuade me into
believing that if my superiors have told me that my inner life is an illusion,
why should I ask again and trouble the confessor? Didn't MX [probably Mother
Jane] tell you that the Lord Jesus does not commune with souls as miserable
as yours? This confessor is going to tell you the same thing. Why speak to
him about all this? These are not sins, and Mother X, told you that all this
communing with the Lord Jesus was daydreaming and pure hysteria. So why tell
it to this confessor? You would do better to dismiss all this as illusions.
Look how many humiliations you have suffered because of them, and how many
more are still awaiting you, and all the sisters know that you are a
hysteric. "Jesus!" I called out with all the strength of my soul.
177 +Renewal of vows. From the
moment I woke up in the morning, my spirit was totally submerged in God, in
that ocean of love. I felt that I had been completely immersed in Him. During
Holy Mass, my love for Him reached a peak of intensity. After the renewal of
vows and Holy Communion, I suddenly saw the Lord Jesus, who said to me with
great kindness, My daughter, look at My merciful Heart. As I fixed my
gaze on the Most Sacred Heart, the same rays of light, as are represented in
the image as blood and water, came forth from it, and I understood how great
is the Lord's mercy. And again Jesus said to me with kindness, My
daughter, speak to priests about this inconceivable mercy of Mine. The flames
of mercy are burning Me-clamoring to be spent; I want to keep pouring them
out upon souls; souls just don't want to believe in My goodness. Suddenly
Jesus disappeared. But throughout that whole day my spirit remained immersed
in God's tangible presence, despite the buzz and chatter that usually follow
a retreat. It did not disturb me in the least. My spirit was in God, although
externally I took part in the conversations and even went to visit Derdy.[59]
178 Today we are beginning the
third probation. All three of us met at Mother Margaret's, as the other
sisters were having their probation in the novitiate. Mother Margaret began
with a prayer, explained to us what the third probation consists of, and then
spoke on how great is the grace of the perpetual vows. Suddenly I began to
cry out loud. In an instant all God's graces appeared before the eyes of my
soul, and I saw myself so wretched and ungrateful toward God. The sisters
began to rebuke me, saying, "Why did she break out crying?" But
Mother Margaret came to my defense, saying that she was not surprised.
At the end of the hour, I went before the Blessed Sacrament and, like the greatest and most miserable of wretches, I begged for His mercy that He might heal and purify my poor soul. Then I heard these words, My daughter, all your miseries have been consumed in the flame of My love, like a little twig thrown into a roaring fire. By humbling yourself in this way, you draw upon yourself and upon other souls an entire sea of My mercy. I answered, "Jesus, mold my poor heart according to Your divine delight."
180 +During Advent, a great yearning for God arose in my
soul. My spirit rushed toward God with all its might. During that time, the
Lord gave me much light to know His attributes.
The first attribute which the Lord gave me to know is His
holiness. His holiness is so great that all the Powers and Virtues tremble
before Him. The pure spirits veil their faces and lose themselves in unending
adoration, and with one single word they express the highest form of
adoration; that is-Holy... The holiness of God is poured out upon the Church
of God and upon every living soul in it, but not in the same degree. There
are souls who are completely penetrated by God, and there are those who are
barely alive.
The second kind of knowledge which the Lord granted me
concerns His justice. His justice is so great and penetrating that it reaches
deep into the heart of things, and all things stand before Him in naked
truth, and nothing can withstand Him.
The third attribute is love and mercy. And I understood
that the greatest attribute is love and mercy. It unites the creature with
the Creator. This immense love and abyss of mercy are made known in the
Incarnation of the Word and in the Redemption [of humanity], and it is here
that I saw this as the greatest of all God's attributes.
186 +Today Jesus said to me, I
desire that you know more profoundly the love that burns in My Heart for
souls, and you will understand this when you meditate upon My Passion. Call
upon My mercy on behalf of sinners; I desire their salvation. When you say
this prayer, with a contrite heart and with faith on behalf of some sinner, I
will give him the grace of conversion. This is the prayer:
187 "O Blood and Water, which gushed forth from the Heart of Jesus as a fount of Mercy for us, I trust in You."
195 O Jesus, today my soul is as
though darkened by suffering. Not a single ray of light. The storm is raging,
and Jesus is asleep. O my Master, I will not wake You; I will not interrupt
Your sweet sleep. I believe that You fortify me without my knowing it.
Throughout the long hours I adore You, O living Bread, amidst the great drought in my soul. O Jesus, pure Love, I do not need consolations; I am nourished by Your will, O Mighty One! Your will is the goal of my existence. It seems to me that the whole world serves me and depends on me. You, O Lord, understand my soul with all its aspirations. Jesus, when I myself cannot sing You the hymn of love, I admire the singing of the Seraphim, they who are so dearly loved by You. I desire to drown myself in You as they do. Nothing will stem such love, for no might has power over it. It is like lightning that illuminates the darkness, but does not remain in it. O my Master, shape my soul according to Your will and Your eternal designs!
205 +The
Resurrection. Today, during the [Mass of the] Resurrection, I saw the Lord
Jesus in the midst of a great light. He approached me and said, Peace be
to you, My children, and He lifted up His hand and gave His blessing. The
wounds in His hands, feet and side were indelible and shining. When He looked
at me with such kindness and love, my whole soul drowned itself in Him. And
He said to me, You have taken a great part in My Passion; therefore
I now give you a great share in My joy and glory. The whole time of the
Resurrection [Mass] seemed like only a minute to me. A wondrous recollection
filled my soul and lasted throughout the whole festal season. The kindness of
Jesus is so great that I cannot express it.
206 The next day, after Communion,
I heard the voice saying, My daughter, look into the abyss of My mercy and
give praise and glory to this mercy of Mine. Do it in this way: Gather all
sinners from the entire world and immerse them in the abyss of My mercy. I
want to give Myself to souls; I yearn for souls, My daughter. On the day of My
feast, the Feast of Mercy, you will go through the whole world and bring
fainting souls to the spring of My mercy. I shall heal and strengthen them.
211
+Once again, a terrible darkness envelops my soul. It seems to me that I am
falling prey to illusions. When I went to confession to obtain some light and
peace, I did not find these at all. The confessor [66]
left me with even more doubts than I had before. He said to me, "I
cannot discern what power is at work in you, Sister; perhaps it is God and
perhaps it is the evil spirit." When I left the confessional, I started
to think about his words. The longer I did so, the deeper my soul sank into
darkness. "Jesus, what am I to do?" When Jesus approached me with
kindness, I was frightened. "Are you really Jesus?" On the one
hand, I am drawn by love and, on the other, by fear. What torture! I cannot
describe it!
223 O
living Host, my one and only strength, fountain of love and mercy, embrace
the whole world, fortify faint souls. Oh, blessed be the instant and the
moment when Jesus left us His most merciful Heart!
224
To suffer without complaining, to bring comfort to others and to drown my own
sufferings in the most Sacred Heart of Jesus!
I will spend all my free moments at the feet of [Our Lord in] the Blessed Sacrament. At the feet of Jesus, I will seek light, comfort and strength. I will show my gratitude unceasingly to God for His great mercy towards me, never forgetting the favors He has bestowed on me, especially the grace of a vocation. I will hide myself among the sisters like a little violet among lilies. I want to blossom for my Lord and Maker, to forget about myself, to empty myself totally for the sake of immortal souls-this is my delight.
226 The rules that I most often
fail to obey: sometimes I break silence; disobedience to the signal of the
bell; sometimes I meddle in other people's affairs. I will do my very best to
improve.
I will avoid sisters who grumble, and if they cannot be avoided, I will at least keep silent before them, thus letting them know how sorry I am to hear such things. I must take no heed of the opinion of others, but obey the evidence of my own conscience and take God to be the witness of all my actions. I must do everything and act in all matters now as I would like to do and act at the hour of my death. For this reason, in every action I must be mindful of God. Avoid presumed permissions.[67] I must report [even] small things to my superiors, and do so in as much detail as is possible. I must be faithful in my spiritual exercises; I must not easily ask to be dispensed from them. I must keep silence outside the time of recreation, and avoid jokes and witty words that make others laugh and break silence. I must have great appreciation for even the most minute rules. I must not let myself become absorbed in the whirl of work, [but] take a break to look up to heaven. Speak little with people, but a good deal with God. Avoid familiarity. I must pay little attention as to who is for me and who is against me. I must not tell others about those things I have had to put up with. I must avoid speaking out loud to others during work. I must maintain peace and equanimity during times of suffering. In difficult moments I must take refuge in the wounds of Jesus; I must seek consolation, comfort, light and affirmation in the wounds of Jesus.
240 Three requests on the day of my perpetual vows. Jesus,
I know that today You will refuse me nothing.
First request: Jesus, my most beloved Spouse, I beg You for the triumph of the Church, particularly in Russia and in Spain; for blessings on the Holy Father, Pius XI, and on all the clergy; for the grace of conversion for impenitent sinners. And I ask You for a special blessing and for light, O Jesus, for the priests before whom I will make my confessions throughout my lifetime. Second request :I beg Your blessings on our Congregation, and may it be filled with great zeal. Bless, O Jesus, our Mother General and our Mother Directress, all the novices and all the superiors. Bless my dearest parents. Bestow Your grace, O Jesus, on our wards; strengthen them so powerfully by Your grace so that those who leave our houses will no longer offend You by any sin. Jesus, I beg You for my homeland; protect it against the assaults of its enemies. Third request:Jesus, I plead with You for the souls that are most in need of prayer. I plead for the dying; be merciful to them. I also beg You, Jesus, to free all souls from purgatory. Jesus, I commend to You these particular persons: My confessors, persons recommended to my prayers, a certain person..., Father Andrasz, Father Czaputa, and the priest I met in Vilnius [Father Sopocko], who is to be my confessor, a certain soul... a certain priest, a certain religious[70] to whom You know how much I owe, Jesus, and all the people who have been recommended to my prayer. Jesus, on this day You can do everything for those for whom I am pleading. For myself I ask, Lord, transform me completely into Yourself, maintain in me a holy zeal for Your glory, give me the grace and spiritual strength to do Your holy will in all things. Thank You, o my dearest Bridegroom, for the dignity You have conferred on me, and in particular for the royal coat-of-arms which will adorn me from this day on and which even the Angels do not possess; namely, the cross, the sword and the crown of thorns. But above all, O my Jesus, I thank You for Your Heart-it is all I need. Mother of God, Most Holy Mary, my Mother, You are my Mother in a special way now because Your beloved Son is my Bridegroom, and thus we are both Your children. For Your Son's sake, You have to love me. O Mary, my dearest Mother, guide my spiritual life in such a way that it will please Your Son. +Holy and Omnipotent God, at this moment of immense grace by which You are uniting me with Yourself forever, I, mere nothingness, with the utmost gratitude, cast myself at Your feet like a tiny, unknown flower and, each day, the fragrance of that flower of love will ascend to Your throne. In times of struggle and suffering, of darkness and storm, of yearning and sorrow, in times of difficult trials, in times when nobody will understand me, when I will even be condemned and scorned by everyone, I will remember the day of my perpetual vows, the day of God's incomprehensible grace.
247 Jesus, Friend of a lonely
heart, You are my haven, You are my peace. You are my salvation, You are my
serenity in moments of struggle and amidst an ocean of doubts. You are the
bright ray that lights up the path of my life. You are everything to a lonely
soul. You understand the soul even though it remains silent. You know our
weaknesses, and like a good physician, You comfort and heal, sparing us
sufferings-expert that You are.
248 The words of the Bishop
[Rospond[73]], spoken at the ceremony of the taking of perpetual
vows: "Accept this candle as a sign of heavenly light and of burning
love." While giving the ring: "I betroth you to Jesus Christ, the
Son of the Father Most High; may He keep you unblemished. Take this ring as a
sign of the eternal covenant you are making with Christ, the Spouse of
Virgins. May it be for you the ring of faith and the sign of the Holy Spirit,
that you may be called the bride of Christ and, if you serve Him faithfully,
be crowned [as such] for all eternity.
249 +Jesus, I trust in You; I trust in the ocean of your mercy. You are a Mother to me.
267 Jesus told me that I please
Him best by meditating on His sorrowful Passion, and by such meditation much
light falls upon my soul. He who wants to learn true humility should reflect
upon the Passion of Jesus. When I meditate upon the Passion of Jesus, I get a
clear understanding of many things I could not comprehend before. I want to
resemble You, O Jesus,-You crucified, tortured and humiliated. Jesus, imprint
upon my heart and soul Your own humility. I love You, Jesus, to the point of
madness, You who were crushed with suffering as described by the prophet [cf.
Isaiah 53:2-9], as if he could not see the human form in You because of Your
great suffering. It is in this condition, Jesus, that I love You to the point
of madness. O eternal and infinite God, what has love done to You?...
272 But previously, this priest
had put me through many trials. When I told him that the Lord wanted these
things of me [that is, the painting of the image, the establishing of a feast
of The Divine Mercy, and the founding of a new community], he laughed at me
and told me to come to confession at eight in the evening. When I came at
eight, a brother was already locking the church. When I told him that Father
had ordered me to come at that time and asked him to let Father know I was
there, the good brother went to let him know. Father told him to tell me that
priests do not hear confessions at that time of day. I returned home
emptyhanded and did not go to confession to him again, but I made a whole
hour's adoration and took on certain mortifications for him, that he might
obtain light from God in order to know souls. But when Father Sopocko left,
and he substituted for him, I was forced to go to confession to him. Yet,
while previously he had been unwilling to acknowledge these inner
inspirations, he now put me under obligation to be faithful to them. God lets
such things happen sometimes, but may He be glorified in everything. Still,
it requires much grace not to falter.
274 Jesus gave me the grace of
knowing myself. In this divine light I see my principal fault; it is pride
which takes the form of my closing up within myself and of a lack of
simplicity in my relations with Mother Superior [Irene].
The second light concerns speaking. I sometimes talk too much. A thing could be settled in one or two words, and as for me, I take too much time about it. But Jesus wants me to use that time to say some short indulgenced prayers for the souls in purgatory. And the Lord says that every word will be weighed on the day of judgment. The third light concerns our rules. I have not sufficiently avoided the occasions that lead to breaking the rules, especially that of silence. I will act as if the rule were written just for me; it should not affect me at all how anyone else might act, as long as I myself act as God wishes. Resolution. Whatever Jesus demands of me regarding external things, I will immediately go and tell my superiors. I shall strive for childlike openness and frankness in my relations with the superior.
279 God made known to me what true love
consists in and gave light to me about how, in practice, to give proof of it
to Him. True love of God consists in carrying out God's will. To show God our
love in what we do, all our actions, even the least, must spring from our
love of God. And the Lord said to me, My child, you please Me most by
suffering. In your physical as well as your mental sufferings, My daughter,
do not seek sympathy from creatures. I want the fragrance of your suffering
to be pure and unadulterated. I want you to detach yourself, not only from
creatures, but also from yourself. My daughter, I want to delight in the love
of your heart, a pure love, virginal, unblemished, untarnished. The more you
will come to love suffering, My daughter, the purer your love for Me will be.
295 +At that moment Jesus asked me, My child, how is
your retreat going? I answered, "But Jesus, You know how it is
going." Yes, I know, but I want to hear it from your own lips and
from your heart. "O my Master, when You are leading me, everything
goes smoothly, and I ask You, Lord, to never leave my side." And Jesus
said, Yes, I will be with you always, if you always remain a little child
and fear nothing. As I was your beginning here, so I will also be your end.
Do not rely on creatures, even in the smallest things, because this
displeases Me. I want to be alone in your soul. I will give light and
strength to your soul, and you will learn from My representative that I am in
you, and your uncertainty will vanish like mist before the rays of the sun.
296 +O Supreme Good, I want to love You as no one on earth
has ever loved You before! I want to adore You with every moment of my life
and unite my will closely to Your holy will. My life is not drab or
monotonous, but it is varied like a garden of fragrant flowers, so that I
don't know which flower to pick first, the lily of suffering or the rose of
love of neighbor or the violet of humility. I will not enumerate these
treasures in which my every day abounds. It is a great thing to know how to
make use of the present moment.
297 +Jesus, Supreme Light, grant me the grace of knowing
myself, and pierce my dark soul with Your light, and fill the abyss of my
soul with Your own self, for You alone [...]
300 +Ask of my faithful servant
[Father Sopocko] that, on this day, he tell the whole world of My great
mercy; that whoever approaches the Fount of Life on this day will be granted
complete remission of sins and punishment.
+Mankind will not have peace until it turns with trust to My mercy. +Oh, how much I am hurt by a soul's distrust! Such a soul professes that I am Holy and Just, but does not believe that I am Mercy and does not trust in My Goodness. Even the devils glorify My Justice but do not believe in My Goodness. My Heart rejoices in this title of Mercy.
301 Proclaim that mercy is the
greatest attribute of God. All the works of My hands are crowned with mercy.
302 +O Eternal Love, I want all
the souls You have created to come to know You. I would like to be a priest,
for then I would speak without cease about Your mercy to sinful souls drowned
in despair. I would like to be a missionary and carry the light of faith to
savage nations in order to make You known to souls, and to be completely
consumed for them and to die a martyr's death, just as You died for them and
for me. O Jesus, I know only too well that I can be a priest, a missionary, a
preacher, and that I can die a martyr's death by completely emptying myself
and denying myself for love of You, O Jesus, and of immortal souls.
303 Great love can change small things into great
ones, and it is only love which lends value to our actions. And the purer our
love becomes, the less there will be within us for the flames of suffering to
feed upon, and the suffering will cease to be a suffering for us; it will
become a delight! By the grace of God, I have received such a disposition of
heart that I am never so happy as when I suffer for Jesus, whom I love with
every beat of my heart.
Once when I was suffering greatly, I left my work
and escaped to Jesus and asked Him to give me His strength. After a very
short prayer I returned to my work filled with enthusiasm and joy. Then, one
of the sisters [probably Sister Justine] said to me, "You must have many
consolations today, Sister; you look so radiant. Surely, God is giving you no
suffering, but only consolations." "You are greatly mistaken, Sister,"
I answered, "for it is precisely when I suffer much that my joy is
greater; and when I suffer less, my joy also is less." However, that
soul was letting me recognize that she does not understand what I was saying.
I tried to explain to her that when we suffer much we have a great chance to
show God that we love Him; but when we suffer little we have less occasion to
show God our love; and when we do not suffer at all, our love is then neither
great nor pure. By the grace of God, we can attain a point where suffering
will become a delight to us, for love can work such things in pure souls.
306 I asked the Lord to grant me the grace that my nature
be immune and resist the influences that sometimes try to draw me away from
the spirit of our rule and from the minor regulations. These minor
transgressions are like little moths that try to destroy the spiritual life
within us, and they surely will destroy it if the soul is aware of these
minor transgressions and yet disregards them as small things. I can see
nothing that is small in the religious life. Little matter if I am sometimes
the object of vexation and jeers, as long as my spirit remains in harmony
with the spirit of the rules, the vows and the religious statutes.
O my Jesus, delight of my heart, You know my desires. I should like to hide from people's sight so as to be like one alive and yet not living. I want to live pure as a wild flower; I want my love always to be turned to You, just as a flower that is always turning to the sun. I want the fragrance and the freshness of the flower of my heart to be always preserved for You alone. I want to live beneath Your divine gaze, for You alone are enough for me. When I am with You, Jesus, I fear nothing, for nothing can do me harm.
346
December 24, 1934. The Vigil of Christmas. During the morning Mass, I felt
the closeness of God. Though I was hardly aware of it, my spirit was drowned
in God. Suddenly, I heard these words:You
are My delightful dwelling place; My Spirit rests in you. After
these words, I felt the Lord looking into the depths of my heart; and seeing
my misery, I humbled myself in spirit and admired the immense mercy of God,
that the Most High Lord would approach such misery.
During Holy Communion, joy filled my soul. I felt that I am closely united to the Godhead. His omnipotence enveloped my whole being. Throughout the whole day I felt the closeness of God in a special manner; and although my duties prevented me throughout the whole day from going to chapel even for a moment, there was not a moment when I was not united with God. I felt Him within me more distinctly than ever. Unceasingly greeting the Mother of God and entering into Her spirit, I begged Her to teach me true love of God. And then I heard these words: I will share with you the secret of My happiness this night during Holy Mass. We had supper before six o'clock. Despite all the joy and the external noise accompanying the sharing of the wafer and the mutual exchange of good wishes, I did not for a moment lose the awareness of God's presence. After supper we hurried away to finish our work, and at nine I was able to go to the chapel for adoration. I was allowed to stay up and wait for the Midnight Mass. I was delighted to have free time from nine until midnight. From nine to ten o'clock I offered my adoration for my parents and my whole family. From ten to eleven, I offered it for the intention of my spiritual director, in the first place thanking God for granting me this great visible help here on earth, just as He had promised me, and I also asked God to grant him the necessary light so that he could get to know my soul and guide me according to God's good pleasure. And from eleven to twelve I prayed for the Holy Church and the clergy, for sinners, for the missions and for our houses. I offered the indulgences for the souls in purgatory.
359 January 10, 1935. +Thursday. In the evening during
benediction,[85] such thoughts as these began to distress me: Is not
perhaps all this that I am saying about God's great mercy just a lie or an
illusion...? And I wanted to think about this for a while, when I heard a
strong and clear inner voice saying, Everything that you say about My
goodness is true; language has no adequate expression to extol My goodness. These
words were so filled with power and so clear that I would give my life in
declaring they came from God. I can tell this by the profound peace that
accompanied them at that time and that still remains with me. This peace
gives me such great strength and power that all difficulties, adversities,
sufferings, and death itself are as nothing. This light gave me a glimpse of
the truth that all my efforts to bring souls to know the mercy of the Lord are
very pleasing to God. And from this springs such great joy in my soul that I
do not know whether it could be any greater in heaven. Oh, if souls would
only be willing to listen, at least a little, to the voice of conscience and
the voice that is, the inspirations-of the Holy Spirit! I say "at least
a little," because once we open ourselves to the influence of the Holy
Spirit, He himself will fulfill what is lacking in us.
365 My spiritual director
replaced it with an interior mortification; namely, throughout Holy Mass I
was to meditate on why the Lord Jesus had submitted to being baptized. The
meditation was no mortification for me, for thinking about God is a delight
and not a mortification; but there was a mortification of the will in that I
was not doing [simply] what I like, but what I was told to do, and it is in
this that interior mortification consists. When I left the confessional and
started to recite my penance, I heard these words: I have granted the
grace you asked for on behalf of that soul, but not because of the
mortification you chose for yourself. Rather, it was because of your act of
complete obedience to My representative that I granted this grace to that
soul for whom you interceded and begged mercy. Know that when you mortify
your own self-will, then Mine reigns within you.
366 O my Jesus, be patient with
me. I will be more careful in the future. I will rely, not upon myself, but
upon Your grace and Your very great goodness to miserable me.
367 +On one occasion, Jesus
gave me to know that when I pray for intentions which people are wont to
entrust to me, He is always ready to grant His graces, but souls do not
always want to accept them: My Heart overflows with great mercy for souls,
and especially for poor sinners. If only they could understand that I am the
best of Fathers to them and that it is for them that the Blood and Water
flowed from My Heart as from a fount overflowing with mercy. For them I dwell
in the tabernacle as King of Mercy. I desire to bestow My graces upon souls, but
they do not want to accept them. You, at least, come to Me as often as
possible and take these graces they do not want to accept. In this way you
will console My Heart. Oh, how indifferent are souls to so much goodness, to
so many proofs of love! My Heart drinks only of the ingratitude and
forgetfulness of souls living in the world. They have time for everything,
but they have no time to come to Me for graces.
So I turn to you, you-chosen souls, will you also fail to understand the love of My Heart? Here, too, My Heart finds disappointment; I do not find complete surrender to My love. So many reservations, so much distrust, so much caution. To comfort you, let Me tell you that there are souls living in the world who love Me dearly. I dwell In their hearts with delight. But they are few. In convents too, there are souls that fill My Heart with joy. They bear My features; therefore the Heavenly Father looks upon them with special pleasure. They will be a marvel to Angels and men. Their number is very small. They are a defense for the world before the justice of the Heavenly Father and a means of obtaining mercy for the world. The love and sacrifice of these souls sustain the world in existence. The infidelity of a soul specially chosen by Me wounds My Heart most painfully. Such infidelities are swords which pierce My Heart.
392 The Lord God grants His graces in two ways: by
inspiration and by enlightenment. If we ask God for a grace, He will give it
to us; but let us be willing to accept it. And in order to accept it,
self-denial is needed. Love does not consist in words or feelings, but in
deeds. It is an act of the will; it is a gift; that is to say, a giving. The
reason, the will, the heart-these three faculties must be exercised during
prayer. I will rise from the dead in Jesus, but first I must live in Him. If
I do not separate myself from the Cross, then the Gospel will be revealed in
me. Jesus in me makes up for all my deficiencies. His grace operates without
ceasing. The Holy Trinity grants me Its life abundantly, by the gift of the
Holy Spirit. The Three Divine Persons live in me. When God loves, He loves
with all His Being, with all the power of His Being. If God has loved me in
this way, how should I respond I, His spouse?
410 O eternal and incomprehensible Love, I
beg You for one grace: enlighten my mind with light from on high; help me to
know and appreciate all things according to their value. I feel the greatest
joy in my soul when I come to know the truth.
439 Then came the moment to receive Holy
Communion, and Jesus disappeared, and I saw a great brightness. Then I heard
these words: We give
Our blessing, and at that moment a bright ray issued from
that light and pierced my heart; an extraordinary fire was enkindled in my
soul-I thought I would die of joy and happiness. I felt the separation of my
spirit from my body. I felt totally immersed in God, I felt I was snatched up
by the Almighty, like a particle of dust, into unknown expanses.
462 Now I understand well that
what unites our soul most closely to God is self-denial; that is, joining our
will to the will of God. This is what makes the soul truly free, contributes
to profound recollection of the spirit, and makes all life's burdens light,
and death sweet.
495
Jesus, Eternal Light, enlighten my mind, strengthen my will, inflame my heart
and be with me as You have promised, for without You I am nothing. You know,
Jesus, how weak lam. l do not need to tell You this, for You yourself know
perfectly well how wretched I am. It is in You that all my strength lies.
499
Each battle valiantly fought brings me joy, peace, light, experience and
courage for the future; honor and glory to God; and in the end, for me, a
reward.
Today is the Feast of Christ the King. [October 27, 1935]
507 I desire, O my Jesus, to
suffer and burn with the flame of Your love in all the circumstances of my
life. I am Yours, completely Yours, and I wish to disappear in You, O Jesus,
I wish to be lost in Your divine beauty. You pursue me with Your love, O
Lord; You penetrate my soul like a ray of the sun and change its darkness
into Your light. I feel very vividly that I am living in You as one small
spark swallowed up by the incomprehensible fire with which You burn, O
inconceivable Trinity! No greater joy is to be found than that of loving God.
Already here on earth we can taste the happiness of those in heaven by an
intimate union with God, a union that is extraordinary and often quite
incomprehensible to us. One can attain this very grace through simple
faithfulness of soul.
511
When my intentions are not recognized, but rather condemned, I am not too
much surprised, for I know that it is only God who scrutinizes my heart.
Truth will not die; the wounded heart will regain peace in due time, and my
spirit is strengthened through adversities. I do not always listen to what my
heart tells me, but I keep asking God for light; and when I feel l have
regained my equilibrium, then I say more.
(Diary
of Sister Faustina Kowalska Notebook-I-16, 18, 27, 30, 50, 67, 72, 75, 83-85,
95 )
(Diary
of Sister Faustina Kowalska Notebook-I-98-99, 103, 109-110, 112, 115, 129)
(Diary
of Sister Faustina Kowalska Notebook-I-131, 140, 145, 147, 157, 161, 164, 166)
(Diary
of Sister Faustina Kowalska Notebook-I-173, 177-178, 180, 186-187, 195, 205)
(Diary
of Sister Faustina Kowalska Notebook-I-206, 211, 223-224, 226, 240, 247-249)
(Diary
of Sister Faustina Kowalska Notebook-I-267, 272, 274, 279, 295-297, 300-303)
(Diary
of Sister Faustina Kowalska Notebook-I-306, 346, 359, 365-367, 392, 410, 439)
(Diary
of Sister Faustina Kowalska Notebook-I-462, 495, 499, 507, 511)
(Diary
of Sister Faustina Kowalska Notebook-II-733, 813, 825, 832, 836, 853-854,
886)
(Diary
of Sister Faustina Kowalska Notebook-II-893, 906, 938)
(Diary
of Sister Faustina Kowalska Notebook-III-1065, 1074-1076, 1122, 1138, 1155)
(Diary
of Sister Faustina Kowalska Notebook-III-1156-1159, 1177-1178, 1183-1184)
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