Doubting Zechariah
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December 19, 2016. Monday of the Forth Week of Advent
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Father Edward McIlmail, LC
Luke
1:5-25
In the days of Herod, King of Judea, there
was a priest named Zechariah of the priestly division of Abijah; his wife was
from the daughters of Aaron, and her name was Elizabeth. Both were righteous
in the eyes of God, observing all the commandments and ordinances of the Lord
blamelessly. But they had no child, because Elizabeth was barren and both
were advanced in years. Once when he was serving as priest in his division’s
turn before God, according to the practice of the priestly service, he was
chosen by lot to enter the sanctuary of the Lord to burn incense. Then, when
the whole assembly of the people was praying outside at the hour of the
incense offering, the angel of the Lord appeared to him, standing at the
right of the altar of incense. Zechariah was troubled by what he saw, and
fear came upon him. But the angel said to him, “Do not be afraid, Zechariah,
because your prayer has been heard. Your wife Elizabeth will bear you a son,
and you shall name him John. And you will have joy and gladness, and many
will rejoice at his birth, for he will be great in the sight of the Lord. He
will drink neither wine nor strong drink. He will be filled with the Holy
Spirit even from his mother’s womb, and he will turn many of the children of
Israel to the Lord their God. He will go before him in the spirit and power
of Elijah to turn the hearts of fathers toward children and the disobedient
to the understanding of the righteous, to prepare a people fit for the Lord.”
Then Zechariah said to the angel, “How shall I know this? For I am an old
man, and my wife is advanced in years.” And the angel said to him in reply,
“I am Gabriel, who stand before God. I was sent to speak to you and to
announce to you this good news. But now you will be speechless and unable to
talk until the day these things take place, because you did not believe my
words, which will be fulfilled at their proper time.” Meanwhile the people
were waiting for Zechariah and were amazed that he stayed so long in the
sanctuary. But when he came out, he was unable to speak to them, and they
realized that he had seen a vision in the sanctuary. He was gesturing to them
but remained mute. Then, when his days of ministry were completed, he went
home. After this time his wife Elizabeth conceived, and she went into
seclusion for five months, saying, “So has the Lord done for me at a time
when he has seen fit to take away my disgrace before others.”
Introductory Prayer: Grant me the grace to make the most of this time of
anticipation for Your arrival at Christmas, Lord. My faith rests in You, my
hope looks toward spending eternity with You. Help me grasp the value of time
in the face of eternity.
Petition: Lord, help me to see the signs that You send into my life.
1. Seeing, yet Disbelieving: Zechariah had no excuse for doubting. There
he was: in the sanctuary of the Lord, burning incense ― a once-in-a-lifetime
opportunity. It was a privileged moment, a sacred space. Even an angel
appears! If ever a man should have been prepared for a special message, it
was Zechariah. Yet he doubts. He doesn’t believe. He had followed "all
the commandments," yet his fidelity didn’t translate into a living faith
at a crucial moment. Do we fall into the same trap? We say many prayers, but
react with skepticism when God has a special request. Why is that? Are we
trying to show love when we pray? Or are we just rattling on?
2. Excuses, Excuses: Zechariah thought his age would hinder God’s
plan. He underestimated God’s power. Indeed, it is not God who is limited;
rather, we are the ones who limit God, so to speak. Throughout the Bible, God
called on unlikely people. Moses probably stuttered (cf. Exodus 4:10).
Jeremiah was "too young" (Jeremiah 1:6). Peter was uneducated (Acts
4:13). Saul of Tarsus hated Christians (cf. Acts 9:1). All were unlikely
prophets or apostles ― yet they let God use them. What’s my excuse for saying
no to God? Am I too busy? Too old? Too young? Too unworthy? Could God be
calling me to do something that I think is beyond my capability?
3. Plowing Ahead: God goes ahead with his plan despite
Zechariah’s lack of faith. The Almighty was anxious to raise up a fitting
herald (St. John the Baptist) for his Son. So he left Zechariah speechless
for a time. We shouldn’t be surprised if God plows ahead with his own plans
in our lives, even when we resist him. He might do something unusual in our
lives in order to keep his plans advancing. Could those setbacks really be
God’s hand at work? Might he be preparing us for something better?
Conversation with Christ: I like to think that I’m less stubborn than
Zechariah, Lord. But sometimes it is hard to accept Your will. I might even
feel as if I have "missed the boat," and that You are no longer
interested in me. Help me reject this kind of thinking and to have confidence
in You.
Resolution: I will pray a Hail Mary for the ability to
say “yes” to God’s plans in my life.
Excerpts from the
DIARY of Saint Faustina Kowalska
O My God
2 When I look into the future, I am frightened, But why plunge into the future? Only the present moment is precious to me, As the future may never enter my soul at all. It is no longer in my power, To change, correct or add to the past; For neither sages nor prophets could do that. And so, what the past has embraced I must entrust to God. O present moment, you belong to me, whole and entire. I desire to use you as best I can. And although I am weak and small, You grant me the grace of your omnipotence. And so, trusting in Your mercy, I walk through life like a little child, Offering You each day this heart Burning with love for Your greater glory.
Darkness and Temptations
77 My mind became dimmed in a strange way; no truth seemed clear to me. When people spoke to me about God, my heart was like a rock. I could not draw from it a single sentiment of love for Him. When I tried, by an act of the will, to remain close to Him, I experienced great torments, and it seemed to me that I was only provoking God to an even greater anger. It was absolutely impossible for me to meditate as I had been accustomed to do in the past. I felt in my soul a great void, and there was nothing with which I could fill it. I began to suffer from a great hunger and yearning for God, but I saw my utter powerlessness. I tried to read slowly, sentence by sentence, and to meditate in this way, but this also was of no avail. I understood nothing of what I had read. The abyss of my misery was constantly before my eyes. Every time I entered the chapel for some spiritual exercise, I experienced even worse torments and temptations. More than once, all through Holy Mass, I had to struggle against blasphemous thoughts which were forcing themselves to my lips. I felt an aversion for the Holy Sacraments, and it seemed to me that I was not profiting from them in any way. It was only out of obedience to my confessor that I frequented them, and this blind obedience was for me the only path I could follow and my very last hope of survival. The priest explained to me that these were trials sent by God and that, in the situation I was in, not only was I not offending God, but I was most pleasing to Him. "This is a sign," he told me, "that God loves you very much and that He has great confidence in you, since He is sending you such trials." But these words brought me no comfort; it seemed to me that they did not apply to me at all. One thing did surprise me: it often happened that, at the time when I was suffering greatly, these terrible torments would disappear suddenly just as I was approaching the confessional; but as soon as I had left the confessional, all these torments would again seize me with even greater ferocity. I would then fall on my face before the Blessed Sacrament repeating these words: "Even if You kill me, still will I trust in You!" [cf. Job 13:15] It seemed to me that I would die in these agonies. But the most terrible thought for me was the conviction that I had been rejected by God. Then other thoughts came to me: why strive to acquire virtues and do good works? why mortify and annihilate yourself? what good is it to take vows? to pray? to sacrifice and immolate yourself? why sacrifice myself all the time? what good is it - if I am already rejected by God? why all these efforts? And here, God alone knew what was going on in my heart.
93 +A Short Version of the Catechism of the Vows[39]
Q. What is a vow? A. A vow is a voluntary promise made to God, to carry out a more perfect act. Q. Is a vow binding in a matter which is the object of a commandment? A. Yes. The carrying out of an act which is the object of a commandment has a double value and merit; and the neglect of such an act is a double transgression and evil, because by breaking such a vow we add to the sin against the commandment, the sin of sacrilege. Q. Why do religious vows have such value? A. Because they are the foundation of the religious life approved by the Church, in which the members bound together in a religious community undertake to strive always for perfection by means of the three religious vows of poverty, chastity and obedience, observed according to the rules. Q. What is the meaning of the words, "strive for perfection?" A. To strive for perfection means that the religious life does not in itself demand that perfection be already attained, but obliges, under the pain of sin, that we work daily to attain it. Therefore, a religious who does not want to become perfect neglects his principal duty of state. Q. What are "solemn" religious vows? A. " Solemn" religious vows are so absolute that, in extraordinary cases, only the Holy Father can dispense from them. Q. What are simple religious vows? A. These are vows which are less absolute - the Holy See dispenses from perpetual and annual vows. Q. What is the difference between a vow and a virtue? A. A vow pertains only to that which is commanded under pain of sin; the virtue goes beyond this and helps in the carrying out of the vow; on the other hand, by breaking the vow we fail in the virtue and do it damage. Q. To what do the religious vows oblige us? A. The religious vows oblige us to strive to acquire the virtues and to submit ourselves completely to our Superiors and to the Rules which are in force; thus the religious gives his own person to the Community, renouncing every right over himself and his actions, which he sacrifices to the service of God. The Vow of Poverty The vow of poverty is the voluntary renunciation of the right over property or to the use of such property with the purpose of pleasing God. Q. What objects does the vow of poverty concern? A. All those goods and those objects which appertain to the Community. We have no longer any right over anything that has been given to us, once it has been accepted, whether an article or money. All these donations and presents, which may have been given us out of gratitude or in any other way, belong by right to the Community. We cannot make use, without violating the vow, of any wages we may receive for work or even any annuity. Q. When do we break or violate the vow in a matter which entails the seventh commandment? A. We break or violate it when, without permission, we take for ourselves anything that belongs to the house; when, without permission, we retain something in order to appropriate it; and when, without authorization, we sell or exchange something that belongs to the Community. When we make use of an object for some other purpose than that intended by the Superior. When we give to, or accept from another, anything whatsoever without permission. When by negligence we destroy or damage something. When, in going from one house to another, we take something with us without permission. In a situation where the vow is broken, the religious is bound to restitution to the Community. The Virtue of Poverty This is an evangelical virtue which impels the heart to detach itself from temporal things; the religious, in virtue of his profession, is strictly obliged to it. Q. When do we sin against the virtue of poverty? When we desire something, contrary to this virtue. When we become attached to something, and when we make use of superfluous things. How many degrees of poverty are there and what are they? A. There are, in practice, four degrees of poverty for one who is a professed religious: to dispose of nothing without the consent of the Superiors (the strict matter of the vow); to avoid superfluities and be content with necessities (this pertains to the virtue); to readily content oneself with things of inferior quality in what concerns one's cell, clothing, nourishment, etc., and to experience this contentment interiorly; to rejoice in extreme poverty. The Vow of Chastity Q. To what does this vow oblige us? A. To renounce marriage and to avoid everything that is forbidden by the sixth and ninth commandments. Q. Is a fault against the virtue a violation of the vow? A. Every fault against the virtue is at the same time a violation of the vow, because here there is no difference, as in the case of poverty and obedience, between the vow and the virtue. Q. Is every bad thought a sin? A. No, every bad thought is not a sin; it becomes so only when the acquiescence of the will and consent are joined to the consideration of the mind. Q. Is there anything, over and above sins against chastity, which is detrimental to the virtue? A. Lack of custody of the senses, of the imagination, of the feelings; familiarity and sentimental friendships are detrimental to the virtue. Q. What are the means by which this virtue may be preserved? A. To conquer interior temptations with the thought of the presence of God, and moreover to fight without fear. And for exterior temptations, to avoid occasions. There are, in all, seven principal means: to guard the senses, to avoid occasions, to avoid idleness, to remove temptations promptly, to remove oneself from all - and especially particular friendships, the spirit of mortification, and to reveal all these temptations to one's confessor. Besides this, there are also five means of preserving this virtue: humility, the spirit of prayer, modesty of the eyes, fidelity to the rule, a sincere devotion to the Blessed Virgin Mary. The Vow of Obedience The vow of obedience is superior to the first two. It is, to tell the truth, a holocaust, and it is more necessary because it forms and animates the monastic body. Q. To what does the vow of obedience oblige us? A. By the vow of obedience, the religious promises to God to be obedient to his legitimate superiors in everything that they will ordain in virtue of the rule. The vow of obedience makes the religious dependent on his superior in virtue of these rules for his whole life and in all his affairs. A religious commits a grave sin against the vow every time he disobeys an order given in virtue of obedience and of these rules. The Virtue of Obedience The virtue of obedience goes further than the vow; it embraces the rules, the regulations and even the counsels of the superiors. Q. Is the virtue of obedience indispensable for a religious? A. The virtue of obedience is so indispensable to a religious that, even if he were to perform good actions contrary to obedience, these would be evil and without merit. Q. Can we sin gravely against the virtue of obedience? A. We sin gravely when we scorn the authority or the order of the superior, or when spiritual or temporal harm to the community results from our disobedience. Q. What faults endanger the vow? A. To be prejudiced against the superior, or to harbor an antipathy for him - murmuring and criticism, tardiness and negligence. The Degrees of Obedience Prompt and complete fulfillment - the obedience of the will, when the will persuades the intellect to submit to the advice of the superior. To facilitate obedience, Saint Ignatius suggests, moreover, three means: always to see God in our superior, whoever he might be; to justify in itself the order or advice of the superior; to accept each order as an order from God, without examining it or reflecting on it. General means: humility. Nothing is difficult for the humble.
96 +Trials sent by God to a soul which is particularly
loved by Him.
Temptations and darkness; Satan. The soul's love [for God] is still not such as God would have it. The soul suddenly loses the tangible perception of God's presence. Various defects and imperfections rise up within it, and it must fight them furiously. All her faults lift up their heads, but the soul's vigilance is great. The former awareness of the presence of God gives place to coldness and spiritual dryness; the soul has no taste for spiritual exercises; it cannot pray, either in the old way, or in the manner in which it had just begun to pray. It struggles this way and that, but can find no satisfaction. God has hidden himself from it, and it can find no consolation in creatures, nor can any of these creatures find a way of consoling it. The soul craves passionately for God, but sees its own misery; it begins to sense God's justice; it seems to it that it has lost all the gifts that God had given it; its mind is dimmed, and darkness fills it; unspeakable torment begins. The soul tries to explain its state to the confessor, but it is not understood and is assailed by an even greater unrest. Satan begins his work.
97 Faith
staggers under the impact; the struggle is fierce. The soul tries hard to
cling to God by an act of will. With God's permission, Satan goes even
further: hope and love are put to the test. These temptations are terrible.
God supports the soul in secret, so to speak. The soul is not aware of this,
but otherwise it would be impossible to stand firm; and God knows very well
how much He can allow to befall a soul. The soul is tempted to unbelief in
respect to revealed truths and to insincerity toward the confessor. Satan
says to it, "Look, no one understands you; why speak about all this?"
Words that terrify it sound in its ears, and it seems to the soul that it is
uttering these against God. It sees what it does not want to see. It hears
what it does not want to hear. And, oh, it is a terrible thing at times like
these not to have an experienced confessor! The soul carries the whole burden
alone. However, one should make every effort to find, if it is at all
possible, a well-informed confessor, for the soul can collapse under the
burden and come to the very edge of the precipice. All these trials are heavy
and difficult. God does not send them to a soul which has not already been
admitted to a deeper intimacy with Him and which has not yet tasted the
divine delights. Besides, in this God has His own plans, which for us are
impenetrable. God often prepares a soul in this way for His future designs
and great works. He wants to try it as pure gold is tried. But this is not
yet the end of the testing; there is still the trial of trials, the complete
abandonment of the soul by God.
+ The Trial of
Trials, Complete Abandonment - Despair
98 When the soul comes out victorious from the preceding trials, even though it may stumble here and there, it fights on valiantly, humbly calling upon God, "Save me, I am perishing!" And it is still able to fight on. At this point, however, the soul is engulfed in a horrible night. It sees within itself only sin. It feels terrible. It sees itself completely abandoned by God. It feels itself to be the object of His hatred. It is but one step away from despair. The soul does its best to defend itself; it tries to stir up its confidence; but prayer is an even greater torment for it, as this prayer seems to arouse God to an even greater anger. The soul finds itself poised on the summit of a lofty mountain on the very brink of a precipice. The soul is drawn to God, but feels repulsed. All other sufferings and tortures in the world are as nothing compared with this sensation into which it has been plunged; namely, that of being rejected by God. No one can bring it any relief; it finds itself completely alone; there is no one to defend it. It raises its eyes to heaven, but is convinced that this is not for her-for her all is lost. It falls deeper and deeper from darkness to darkness, and it seems to it that it has lost forever the God it used to love so dearly. This thought is torture beyond all description. But the soul does not agree to it and tries to lift its gaze toward heaven, but in vain! And this makes the torture even more intense. If God wishes to keep the soul in such darkness, no one will be able to give it light. It experiences rejection by God in a vivid and terrifying manner. From its heart burst forth painful moans, so painful that no priest will comprehend it, unless he himself has been through these trials. In the midst of this, the evil spirit adds to the soul's suffering, mocking it: "Will you persist in your faithfulness? This is your reward; you are in our power!" But Satan has only as much influence over the soul as God allows him, and God knows how much we can bear. "What have you gotten out of your mortifications," says Satan, "and out of your fidelity to the rule? What use are all these efforts? You have been rejected by God!" This word, rejected, becomes a fire which penetrates every nerve to the marrow of the bone. It pierces right through her entire being. The ordeal reaches its climax. The soul no longer looks for help anywhere. It shrinks into itself and loses sight of everything; it is as though it has accepted the torture of being abandoned. This is a moment for which I have no words. This is the agony of the soul.
101 Jesus, You alone know how the soul, engulfed in
darkness, moans in the midst of these torments and, despite all this, thirsts
for God as burning lips thirst for water. It dies and withers; it dies a
death without death; that is to say, it cannot die. All its efforts come to
nothing; it is under a powerful hand. Now the soul comes under the power of
the Just One. All exterior temptations cease; all that surrounds it becomes
silent, like a dying person who loses contact with everything around it: the
person's entire soul is in the hand of the Just God, the Thrice-Holy
God,-rejected for all eternity! This is the culminating moment, and God alone
can test a soul in this way, because He alone knows what the soul can endure.
When the soul has been saturated through and through by this infernal fire, it is, as it were, cast headlong into great despair. My soul experienced this moment when I was all alone in my cell. When my soul began to sink into this despair, I felt that the end was near. But I seized my little crucifix and clutched it tightly in my hand. And now I felt my body separate itself from my soul; and though I wanted to go to my Superiors, I no longer had the physical strength. I uttered my last words: "I trust in Your Mercy!"-and it seemed to me that I provoked God to an even greater anger. And now I was drowned in despair, and all that was left me was a moan of unadulterated pain which, from time to time, tore itself from my soul. The soul is in agony-and it seemed to me that I would remain in this state, because by my own strength I could not emerge from it. Every recollection of God opened up an unspeakable ocean of suffering, and yet despite this there is something within the soul which is drawn to Him, though it seems to her for this only-that she suffer more. The memory of the love with which God formerly surrounded it is still another kind of suffering. His gaze pierces it, and everything within the soul is burned by this gaze.
116 My Jesus, You know what my
soul goes through at the recollection of these sufferings. I have often
marvelled that the angels and saints hold their peace at the sight of a soul
suffering like that. Yet they have special love for us at such moments. My
soul has often cried out after God, as a little child who cries as loudly as
he can when his mother covers her face and he cannot recognize her. O my
Jesus, honor and glory to You for these trials of love! Great and
incomprehensible is your mercy. All that You intended for my soul, O Lord, is
steeped in Your mercy.
118 The tongue is a small member,
but it does big things. A religious who does not keep silence will never
attain holiness; that is, she will never become a saint. Let her not delude
herself-unless it is the Spirit of God who is speaking through her, for then
she must not keep silent. But, in order to hear the voice of God, one has to
have silence in one's soul and to keep silence; not a gloomy silence, but an
interior silence; that is to say, recollection in God. One can speak a great
deal without breaking silence and, on the contrary, one can speak little and
be constantly breaking silence. Oh, what irreparable damage is done by the
breach of silence! We cause a lot of harm to our neighbor, but even more to
our own selves.
In my opinion, and according to my
experience, the rule concerning silence should stand in the very first place.
God does not give himself to a chattering soul which, like a drone in a
beehive, buzzes around but gathers no honey. A talkative soul is empty
inside. It lacks both the essential virtues and intimacy with God. A deeper
interior life, one of gentle peace and of that silence where the Lord dwells,
is quite out of the question. A soul that has never tasted the sweetness of
inner silence is a restless spirit which disturbs the silence of others. I
have seen many souls in the depths of hell for not having kept their silence;
they told me so themselves when I asked them what was the cause of their
undoing. These were souls of religious. My God, what an agony it is to think
that not only might they have been in heaven, but they might even have become
saints! O Jesus, have mercy!
147 I recall
that I have received most light during adoration which I made lying prostrate
before the Blessed Sacrament for half an hour every day throughout Lent.
During that time I came to know myself and God more profoundly. And yet, even
though I had the superiors' permission to do so, I encountered many obstacles
to praying in such a way. Let the soul be aware that, in order to pray and
persevere in prayer, one must arm oneself with patience and cope bravely with
exterior and interior difficulties. The interior difficulties are
discouragement, dryness, heaviness of spirit and temptations. The exterior
difficulties are human respect and time; one must observe the time set apart
for prayer. This has been my personal experience because, when I did not pray
at the time assigned for prayer, later on I could not do it because of my
duties; or if I did manage to do so, this was only with great difficulty,
because my thoughts kept wandering off to my duties. I also experienced this
difficulty: when a soul has prayed well and left prayer in a state of
profound interior recollection, others resist its recollection; and so, the
soul must be patient to persevere in prayer. It often happened to me that
when my soul was more deeply immersed in God, and I had derived greater fruit
from prayer, and God's presence accompanied me during the day, and at work
there was more recollection and greater precision and effort at my duty, this
was precisely when I received the most rebukes for being negligent in my duty
and indifferent to everything; because less recollected souls want others to
be like them, for they are a constant [source of] remorse to them.
163 JMJ The Year 1937
General Exercises
+O Most Holy Trinity! As many
times as I breathe, as many times as my heart beats, as many times as my
blood pulsates through my body, so many thousand times do I want to glorify
Your mercy.
+I want to be completely
transformed into Your mercy and to be Your living reflection, O Lord. May the
greatest of all divine attributes, that of Your unfathomable mercy, pass
through my heart and soul to my neighbor.
Help me, O Lord, that my eyes may
be merciful, so that I may never suspect or judge from appearances, but look
for what is beautiful in my neighbors' souls and come to their rescue.
Help me, that my ears may be
merciful, so that I may give heed to my neighbors' needs and not be
indifferent to their pains and moaning. Help me, O Lord, that my tongue may
be merciful, so that I should never speak negatively of my neighbor, but have
a word of comfort and forgiveness for all.
Help me, O Lord, that my hands may
be merciful and filled with good deeds, so that I may do only good to my
neighbors and take upon myself the more difficult and toilsome tasks.
Help me, that my feet may be
merciful, so that I may hurry to assist my neighbor, overcoming my own
fatigue and weariness. My true rest is in the service of my neighbor.
Help me, O Lord, that my heart may
be merciful so that I myself may feel all the sufferings of my neighbor. I
will refuse my heart to no one. I will be sincere even with those who, I
know, will abuse my kindness. And I will lock myself up in the most merciful
Heart of Jesus. I will bear my own suffering in silence. May Your mercy, O
Lord, rest upon me.
+You yourself command me to
exercise the three degrees of mercy. The first: the act of mercy, of whatever
kind. The second: the word of mercy-if I cannot carry out a work of mercy, I
will assist by my words. The third: prayer-if I cannot show mercy by deeds or
words, I can always do so by prayer. My prayer reaches out even there where I
cannot reach out physically.
O my Jesus, transform me into
Yourself, for you can do all things.
173 Satan's temptations during meditation. I felt a
strange fear that the priest would not
understand me, or that he would have no time to hear
everything I would have to say. How am I going to tell him all this? If it
were Father Bukowski I could do it more easily, but this Jesuit whom I am
seeing for the first time... Then I remembered Father Bukowski's advice that
I should at least take brief notes of the lights sent to me by God during the
retreats and give him at least a brief report on them. My God, for a day and
a half all has gone well, and now a life and death struggle is beginning. The
conference is to start in a half hour, and then I am to go to confession.
Satan tried to persuade me into believing that if my superiors have told me
that my inner life is an illusion, why should I ask again and trouble the
confessor? Didn't MX [probably Mother Jane] tell you that the Lord Jesus does
not commune with souls as miserable as yours? This confessor is going to tell
you the same thing. Why speak to him about all this? These are not sins, and
Mother X, told you that all this communing with the Lord Jesus was
daydreaming and pure hysteria. So why tell it to this confessor? You would do
better to dismiss all this as illusions. Look how many humiliations you have
suffered because of them, and how many more are still awaiting you, and all
the sisters know that you are a hysteric. "Jesus!" I called out
with all the strength of my soul.
216 We have come to Cracow today
[April 18, 1933]. What a joy it is to find myself again where I took my first
steps in the spiritual life! Dear Mother Directress [Mary Joseph] is ever the
same, cheerful and full of love of neighbor. I entered the chapel for a
moment and joy filled my soul. In a flash I recalled the whole ocean of
graces that had been given me as a novice here.
241 Love of neighbor. First:
Helpfulness towards the sisters. Second: Do not speak about those who are
absent, and defend the good name of my neighbor. Third: Rejoice in the
success of others.
267 Jesus told me that I please
Him best by meditating on His sorrowful Passion, and by such meditation much
light falls upon my soul. He who wants to learn true humility should reflect
upon the Passion of Jesus. When I meditate upon the Passion of Jesus, I get a
clear understanding of many things I could not comprehend before. I want to
resemble You, O Jesus,-You crucified, tortured and humiliated. Jesus, imprint
upon my heart and soul Your own humility. I love You, Jesus, to the point of
madness, You who were crushed with suffering as described by the prophet [cf.
Isaiah 53:2-9], as if he could not see the human form in You because of Your
great suffering. It is in this condition, Jesus, that I love You to the point
of madness. O eternal and infinite God, what has love done to You?...
275 Jesus loves hidden souls. A
hidden flower is the most fragrant. I must strive to make the interior of my
soul a resting place for the Heart of Jesus. In difficult and painful
moments, O my Creator, I sing You a hymn of trust, for bottomless is the
abyss of my trust in You and in Your mercy!
278 At the feet of the Lord.
Hidden Jesus, Eternal Love, our Source of Life, Divine Madman, in that You
forget yourself and see only us. Before creating heaven and earth, You
carried us in the depths of Your Heart. O Love, O depth of Your abasement, O
mystery of happiness, why do so few people know You? Why is Your love not
returned? O Divine Love, why do You hide Your beauty? O Infinite One beyond
all understanding, the more I know You the less I comprehend You; but because
I cannot comprehend You, I better comprehend Your greatness. I do not envy
the Seraphim their fire, for I have a greater gift deposited in my heart.
They admire You in rapture, but Your Blood mingles with mine. Love is heaven
given us already here on earth. Oh, why do You hide in faith? Love tears away
the veil. There is no veil before the eye of my soul, for You yourself have
drawn me into the bosom of secret love forever. Praise and glory be to You, O
Indivisible Trinity, One God, unto ages of ages!
279 God made known to me what true
love consists in and gave light to me about how, in practice, to give proof
of it to Him. True love of God consists in carrying out God's will. To show
God our love in what we do, all our actions, even the least, must spring from
our love of God. And the Lord said to me, My child, you please Me most by
suffering. In your physical as well as your mental sufferings, My daughter,
do not seek sympathy from creatures. I want the fragrance of your suffering
to be pure and unadulterated. I want you to detach yourself, not only from
creatures, but also from yourself. My daughter, I want to delight in the love
of your heart, a pure love, virginal, unblemished, untarnished. The more you
will come to love suffering, My daughter, the purer your love for Me will be.
281 I feel certain that my mission will not come to an end upon my
death, but will begin. O doubting souls, I will draw aside for you the veils
of heaven to convince you of God's goodness, so that you will no longer
continue to wound with your distrust the sweetest Heart of Jesus. God is Love
and Mercy.
282 Once the Lord said to me, My
Heart was moved by great mercy towards you, My dearest child, when I saw you
torn to shreds because of the great pain you suffered in repenting for your
sins. I see your love, so pure and true that I give you first place among the
virgins. You are the honor and glory of My Passion. I see every abasement of your
soul, and nothing escapes my attention. I lift up the humble even to my very
throne, because I want it so.
283 I want to love You as no human
soul has ever loved You before; and although I am utterly miserable and
small, I have nevertheless cast the anchor of my trust deep down into the
abyss of Your mercy, O my God and Creator! In spite of my great misery I fear
nothing, but hope to sing You a hymn of glory forever. Let no soul, even the
most miserable, fall prey to doubt; for, as long as one is alive, each one
can become a great saint, so great is the power of God's grace. It remains
only for us not to oppose God's action.
287 +My Jesus, when I look at this
life of souls, I see that many of them serve You with some mistrust. At
certain times, especially when there is an opportunity to show their love for
God, I see them running away from the battlefield. And once Jesus said to me,
Do you, my child, also want to act like that? I answered the Lord,
"Oh, no, my Jesus, I will not retreat from the battlefield, even if
mortal sweat breaks out on my brow; I will not let the sword fall from my
hand until I rest at the feet of the Holy Trinity!" Whatever I do, I do
not rely on my own strength, but on God's grace. With God's grace a soul can
overcome the greatest difficulties.
294 +Once the Lord said to me, Act
like a beggar who does not back away when he gets more alms [than he asked
for], but offers thanks the more fervently. You too should not back away and
say that you are not worthy of receiving greater graces when I give them to
you. I know you are unworthy, but rejoice all the more and take as many
treasures from My Heart as you can carry, for then you will please Me more.
And I will tell you one more thing: Take these graces not only for yourself,
but also for others; that is, encourage the souls with whom you come in
contact to trust in My infinite mercy. Oh, how I love those souls who have
complete confidence in Me. I will do everything for them.
296 +O Supreme Good, I want to
love You as no one on earth has ever loved You before! I want to adore You
with every moment of my life and unite my will closely to Your holy will. My
life is not drab or monotonous, but it is varied like a garden of fragrant
flowers, so that I don't know which flower to pick first, the lily of
suffering or the rose of love of neighbor or the violet of humility. I will
not enumerate these treasures in which my every day abounds. It is a great
thing to know how to make use of the present moment.
317 O my God, my only hope, I have
placed all my trust in You, and I know I shall not be disappointed.
343 True love is measured by the thermometer of suffering.
Jesus, I thank You for the little daily crosses, for opposition to my
endeavors, for the hardships of communal life, for the misinterpretation of
my intentions, for humiliations at the hands of others, for the harsh way in
which we are treated, for false suspicions, for poor health and loss of
strength, for self-denial, for dying to myself, for lack of recognition in
everything, for the upsetting of all my plans.
Thank You, Jesus, for interior sufferings, for dryness of spirit, for terrors, fears and incertitudes, for the darkness and the deep interior night, for temptations and various ordeals, for torments too difficult to describe, especially for those which no one will understand, for the hour of death with its fierce struggle and all its bitterness. I thank You, Jesus, You who first drank the cup of bitterness before You gave it to me, in a much milder form. I put my lips to this cup of Your holy will. Let all be done according to Your good pleasure; let that which Your wisdom ordained before the ages be done to me. I want to drink the cup to its last drop, and not seek to know the reason why. In bitterness is my joy, in hopelessness is my trust. In You, O Lord, all is good, all is a gift of Your paternal Heart. I do not prefer consolations over bitterness or bitterness over consolations, but thank You, O Jesus, for everything! It is my delight to fix my gaze upon You, O incomprehensible God! My spirit abides in these mysterious dwelling places, and there I am at home. I know very well the dwelling place of my Spouse. I feel there is not a single drop of blood in me that does not burn with love for You. O Uncreated Beauty, whoever comes to know You once cannot love anything else. I can feel the bottomless abyss of my soul, and nothing will fill it but God himself. I feel that I am drowned in Him like a single grain of sand in a bottomless ocean.
375 Particular interior practice;
that is, the examination of conscience. Self-denial, denial of my own will.
I. The denial of my reason.
Subjecting it to the reason of those who represent God to me here on earth.
II. The denial of my will. Doing
the will of God, which is revealed in the will of those who represent God to
me and which is contained in the rule of our order.
III. The denial of my judgment.
Accepting immediately and without reflection, analysis or reasoning all
orders given by those who represent God to me.
IV. The denial of my tongue. I
will not give it the least bit of freedom; but in one case only I will give
it complete freedom; that is, in proclaiming the glory of God. Whenever I
receive Holy Communion, I will ask Jesus to fortify and cleanse my tongue
that I may not injure my neighbor with it. That is why I have the greatest
respect for the rule which speaks about silence.
383 At the beginning of the
retreat, I saw, on the ceiling of the chapel, Jesus nailed to the Cross. He
was looking at the sisters with great love, but not at all of them. There
were three sisters at whom Jesus looked severely, for what reasons I do not
know. I only know what a terrible thing it is to meet with such a look, which
is the look of a severe Judge. That look was not directed at me, and yet I
was paralyzed with terror. I still tremble as I write these words. I did not
dare to say so much as a single word to Jesus. My physical strength failed
me, and I thought I would not live to the end of the conference. The next
day, I saw the same thing again, just as I had seen it the first time, and
this time I dared to speak these words: "Jesus, how great is Your
mercy!"
On the third day, that gaze of
great kindness upon all the sisters, except the three, was again repeated. I
gathered up my courage, which drew its force from love of neighbor, and I
said to the Lord, "You, who are Mercy Itself, as You yourself told me, I
beg You by the power of Your mercy, to look then with kindness at these three
sisters as well. And if this is not in accord with Your wisdom, I ask You for
an exchange: turn to them the kind look meant for my soul, and let Your
severe gaze at their souls be turned on me." Jesus then said to me these
words: My daughter, for the sake of your sincere and generous love, I grant
them many graces although they are not asking Me for them. But I am doing so
because of the promise I have made to you. And at that moment, He turned a
merciful look towards those three sisters as well. My heart leapt with joy to
see the goodness of God.
549 Work. As poor persons, the
nuns themselves will do all the work in the convent. Each one should be glad
when she is given some work which is humbling or which goes against her
nature, as that will greatly help her interior formation. The superior will
often change the sisters' duties, and in this way help them to detach
themselves completely from the little details to which women have a great
attachment. Truly, I often find it amusing to see with my own eyes souls who
have forsaken really great things only to attach themselves to fiddle faddle;
that is, trifles. Each sister, including even the superior, shall work in the
kitchen for a month. Every one should take a turn at every chore which is to
be done in the convent.
571 O my Jesus, Eternal Truth, I fear nothing, neither hardships
nor sufferings; I fear only one thing, and that is to offend You. My Jesus, I
would rather not exist than make You sad. Jesus, You know that my love knows
no one but You. My soul is absorbed in You.
590 When I receive Holy Communion,
I entreat and beg the Savior to heal my tongue, that I may never fail in love
of neighbor.
692 + O Jesus, I understand that
Your mercy is beyond all imagining, and therefore I ask You to make my heart
so big that there will be room in it for the needs of all the souls living on
the face of the earth. O Jesus, my love extends beyond the world, to the
souls suffering in purgatory, and I want to exercise mercy toward them by
means of indulgenced prayers. God's mercy is unfathomable and inexhaustible,
just as God himself is unfathomable. Even if I were to use the strongest
words there are to express this mercy of God, all this would be nothing in
comparison with what it is in reality. O Jesus, make my heart sensitive to
all the sufferings of my neighbor, whether of body or of soul. O my Jesus, I
know that You act toward us as we act toward our neighbor.
My Jesus, make my heart like unto
Your merciful Heart. Jesus, help me to go through life doing good to
everyone.
700 + Once, when I was very tired
and in much pain, I told Mother Superior [Irene] about it and received the
answer that I should get used to suffering. I listened to everything that
Mother told me, and then I went out. Our Mother Superior has great love of
neighbor and especially great love for the sick sisters, as everyone knows.
And yet, as regards me, it is extraordinary that the Lord Jesus has permitted
that she not understand me and that she test me much in this respect.
704 I spend every free moment at
the feet of the hidden God. He is my Master; I ask Him about everything; I
speak to Him about everything. Here I obtain strength and light; here I learn
everything; here I am given light on how to act toward my neighbor. From the
time I left the novitiate, I have enclosed myself in the tabernacle together
with Jesus, my Master. He himself drew me into the fire of living love on
which everything converges.
742 My daughter, if I demand
through you that people revere My mercy, you should be the first to
distinguish yourself by this confidence in My mercy. I demand from you deeds
of mercy, which are to arise out of love for Me. You are to show mercy to
your neighbors always and everywhere. You must not shrink from this or try to
excuse or absolve yourself from it.
I am giving you three ways of
exercising mercy toward your neighbor: the first-by deed, the second-by word,
the third-by prayer. In these three degrees is contained the fullness of
mercy, and it is an unquestionable proof of love for Me. By this means a soul
glorifies and pays reverence to My mercy. Yes, the first Sunday after Easter
is the Feast of Mercy, but there must also be acts of mercy, and I demand the
worship of My mercy through the solemn celebration of the Feast and through
the veneration of the image which is painted. By means of this image I shall
grant many graces to souls. It is to be a reminder of the demands of My
mercy, because even the strongest faith is of no avail without works. O my
Jesus, You yourself must help me in everything, because You see how very
little I am, and so I depend solely on Your goodness, O God.
+ Particular Examen
Union with the merciful Christ.
With my heart I encompass the whole world, especially countries which are
uncivilized or where there is persecution. I am praying for mercy upon them.
791 Hide me, Jesus, in the depths
of Your mercy, and then let my neighbor judge me as he pleases.
856 During the morning meditation,
I felt an aversion and a repugnance for all created things. Everything pales
before my eyes; my spirit is detached from all things. I desire only God
himself, and yet I must live. This is a martyrdom beyond description. God
imparts himself to the soul in a loving way and draws it into the infinite
depths of His divinity, but at the same time He leaves it here on earth for
the sole purpose that it might suffer and die of longing for Him. And this
strong love is so pure that God himself finds pleasure in it; and self-love
has no access to its deeds, for here everything is totally saturated with
bitterness, and thus is totally pure. Life is a continuous dying, painful and
terrible, and at the same time it is the depth of true life and of
inconceivable happiness and the strength of the soul; and because of this,
[the soul] is capable of great deeds for the sake of God.
861 Particular examen: remains the
same; namely, to unite myself with the Merciful Christ (that is; what would
Christ do in such and such a case?) and, in spirit, to embrace the whole
world, especially Russia and Spain.
General resolutions.
I. Strict observance of silence -
interior silence.
II. To see the image of God in
every sister; all love of neighbor must flow from this motive.
III. To do the will of God
faithfully at every moment of my life and to live by this.
IV. To give a faithful account of
everything to the spiritual director and not to undertake anything of
importance without a clear understanding with him. I shall try to clearly lay
bare to him the most secret depths of my soul, bearing in mind that I am
dealing with God himself, and that His representative is just a human being,
and so I must pray daily that he be given light.
V. During the evening examination
of conscience, I am to ask myself the question: What if He were to call me
today?
VI. Not to look for God far away,
but within my own being to abide with Him alone.
VII. In sufferings and torments,
to take refuge in the tabernacle and to be silent.
VIII. To join all sufferings,
prayers, works and mortifications to the merits of Jesus in order to obtain
mercy for the world.
IX. To use free moments, however
short, for prayers for the dying.
X. There must not be a day in my
life when I do not recommend to the Lord the works of our Congregation. Never
have regard for what others think of you [for human respect].
XI. Have no familiar relationships
with anyone. Gentle firmness toward the girls, boundless patience; punish
them severely but with such punishments as these: prayer and self-sacrifice.
The strength that is in the emptying of myself for their sake is for them a
[source of] constant remorse and the softening of their obdurate hearts.
XII. The presence of God is the
basis of all my thoughts, words and deeds.
XIII. To take advantage of all
spiritual help. To always put self-love in its proper place; namely, the
last. To perform my spiritual exercises as though I were doing them for the
last time in my life, and in like manner to carry out all my duties.
871 + My Master, cause my heart
never to expect help from anyone, but I will always strive to bring
assistance, consolation and all manner of relief to others. My heart is
always open to the sufferings of others; and I will not close my heart to the
sufferings of others, even though because of this I have been scornfully
nicknamed "dump"; that is, [because] everyone dumps his pain into my
heart. [To this] I answered that everyone has a place in my heart and I, in
return, have a place in the Heart of Jesus. Taunts regarding the law of love
will not narrow my heart. My soul is always sensitive on this point, and
Jesus alone is the motive for my love of neighbor.
944 + There are moments when I
mistrust myself, when I feel my own weakness and wretchedness in the most
profound depths of my own being, and I have noticed that I can endure such
moments only by trusting in the infinite mercy of God. Patience, prayer and
silence-these are what give strength to the soul. There are moments when one
should be silent, and when it would be inappropriate to talk with creatures;
these are the moments when one is dissatisfied with oneself, and when the
soul feels as weak as a little child. Then the soul clings to God with all
its might. At such times, I live solely by faith, and when I feel
strengthened by God's grace, then I am more courageous in speaking and
communicating with my neighbors.
950 + Eternal God, in whom mercy is endless and the
treasury of compassion inexhaustible, look kindly upon us and increase Your
mercy in us, that in difficult moments we might not despair nor become
despondent, but with great confidence submit ourselves to Your holy will,
which is Love and Mercy itself.
951 + O incomprehensible and limitless Mercy Divine, To
extol and adore You worthily, who can? Supreme attribute of Almighty God, You
are the sweet hope for sinful man.
Into one hymn yourselves unite, stars, earth and sea, and in one accord, thankfully and fervently sing of the incomprehensible Divine Mercy.
965 Jesus looked at me and said, Souls
perish in spite of My bitter Passion. I am giving them the last hope of
salvation; that is, the Feast of My Mercy. If they will not adore My mercy,
they will perish for all eternity. Secretary of My mercy, write, tell souls
about this great mercy of Mine, because the awful day, the day of My justice,
is near.
995 + Although it is not easy to
live in constant agony,
To be nailed to the cross of various pains, Still, I am inflamed with love by loving, And like a Seraph I love God, though I am but weakness. Oh, great is the soul that, midst suffering, Stands faithfully by God and does His will And remains uncomforted midst great rainbows and storms, For God's pure love sweetens her fate. It is no great thing to love God in prosperity And thank Him when all goes well, But rather to adore Him midst great adversities And love Him for His own sake and place one's hope in Him. When the soul is in the shadows of Gethsemane, All alone in the bitterness of pain, It ascends toward the heights of Jesus, And though ever drinking bitterness-it is not sad. When the soul does the will of the Most High God, Even amidst constant pain and torments, Having pressed its lips to the chalice proferred, It becomes mighty, and nothing will daunt it. Though tortured, it repeats: Your will be done, Patiently awaiting the moment of its transfiguration, For, though in deepest darkness, it hears the voice of Jesus: You are Mine, And this it will know fully when the veil falls.
998 Today, I took part in a one-day retreat. When I was at
the last conference, [177]
the priest was speaking of how much the world needs God's mercy, and that
this seems to be a special time when people have great need of prayer and
God's mercy. Then I heard a voice in my soul: These words are for you. Do
all you possibly can for this work of My mercy. I desire that My mercy be
worshiped, and I am giving mankind the last hope of salvation; that is,
recourse to My mercy. My Heart rejoices in this feast. After these words,
I understood that nothing can dispense me from the obligation which the Lord
demands from me.
1039 + I suffer great pain at the
sight of the sufferings of others. All these sufferings are reflected in my
heart. I carry their torments in my heart so that it even wears me out
physically. I would like all pains to fall upon me so as to bring relief to
my neighbor.
1662 + O Christ, suffering for You
is the delight of my heart and my soul. Prolong my sufferings to infinity,
that I may give You a proof of my love. I accept everything that Your hand
will hold out to me. Your love, Jesus, is enough for me. I will glorify You
in abandonment and darkness, in agony and fear, in pain and bitterness, in
anguish of spirit and grief of heart. In all things may You be blessed. My
heart is so detached from the earth, that You Yourself are enough for me.
There is no longer any moment in my life for self concern.
1663 Holy Thursday [April 14,
1938]. Today I felt strong enough to take part in the ceremonies of the
Church. During Holy Mass, Jesus stood before me and said, Look into My Heart
and see there the love and mercy which I have for humankind, and especially
for sinners. Look, and enter into My Passion. In an instant, I experienced
and lived through the whole Passion of Jesus in my own heart. I was surprised
that these tortures did not deprive me of my life.
1664 During adoration, Jesus said
to me, My daughter, know that your ardent love and the compassion you have
for Me were a consolation to Me in the Garden [of Olives].
1665 During Holy Hour in the
evening, I heard the words, You see My mercy for sinners, which at this
moment is revealing itself in all its power. See how little you have written
about it; it is only a single drop. Do what is in your power, so that sinners
may come to know My goodness.
(Diary
of Sister Faustina Kowalska Notebook-I-2, 77, 93, 96-98, 101 116, 118, 147)
(Diary
of Sister Faustina Kowalska Notebook-I-173, 163, 216, 241, 267, 275, 278-279)
(Diary
of Sister Faustina Kowalska Notebook-I-281, 287, 282-283, 294, 296)
(Diary
of Sister Faustina Kowalska Notebook-I-317, 343, 375)
(Diary
of Sister Faustina Kowalska Notebook-II-383, 549, 571, 590, 692, 700, 704,
742)
(Diary
of Sister Faustina Kowalska Notebook-II-791, 856, 861, 871, 944, 950-951)
(Diary
of Sister Faustina Kowalska Notebook-II-965, 995, 998)
(Diary
of Sister Faustina Kowalska Notebook-III-1029, 1039)
(Diary
of Sister Faustina Kowalska Notebook-VI-1662-1663)
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Disyembre 19, 2016
Doubting Zechariah-Divine Mercy Miracles Meditations
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