Temptation’s Hour
February 18, 2018.
First Sunday of Lent
Father Robert Presutti, LC
.
Mark
1:12-15
The Spirit drove Jesus
out into the desert, and he remained in the desert for 40 days, tempted by
Satan. He was among wild beasts, and the angels ministered to him. After John
had been arrested, Jesus came to Galilee proclaiming the Gospel of God:
"This is the time of fulfillment. The kingdom of God is at hand. Repent,
and believe in the Gospel."
Introductory Prayer: Lord Jesus, I
believe that You are leading me and that when I go astray it’s because I take
my eyes off You and cease to follow You. I know that You will never abandon me.
Thank You for Your unconditional and restoring love. I place all my trust in
You, and I long to love You in return with all my mind, heart soul and
strength.
Petition: Lord Jesus, help me
to be steadfast in moments of temptation.
1. The Role of
Temptation Jesus’ public life begins by a duel with Satan: Before working
any miracles, before speaking any parables, before gathering any disciples, the
Lord makes clear what his life and mission are to be about: they are to destroy
the works of the devil and establish the kingdom of grace. To do this, Jesus
confronts Satan’s greatest weapon against the human person: temptation. Satan
seduces the human spirit into a life of sin, which involves focusing on
oneself. Jesus meets the devil on his own terrain and — in the face of
mysterious temptation — remains focused on the Father and his will. Temptation
plays an important role in the plan of redemption. It helps us define
ourselves: directing our lives either toward God by embracing grace or toward
sin by turning in on oneself.
2. Wild Beasts and
Angels: We bear within ourselves the potential to become either saints or
sinners. No one’s fate is predetermined.
Even the angels had to make a free choice of good or evil and, by this choice,
forge their personal destinies. The love and dedication of the angels that
chose the good made them faithful instruments of God’s will and plan. The vicious
self-centeredness of the demons made them into ravenous beasts endlessly
looking for someone to devour. Our person and our most intimate, most secret
choices are part of this ongoing and cosmic struggle between good and evil. The
hour of temptation is the hour of both choice and decision. The stronger the
temptation, the stronger the decision must be. A repeated choice for a good
decision makes a habit of good. Many good habits build a good character. A good
character, open to God’s grace, is holiness.
3. We need to Take a
Position: Here and Now Christ’s appearance in Galilee was marked by a call to
decision. No one remains indifferent before Jesus Christ; no one hears his
message without some sort of subsequent decision. Jesus calls all men and women
to his kingdom, and this call constantly brings people to choose either to draw
ever closer to him, or to pull further away. The best time to choose is always
now, and the best place is always here. If not now, when? If not here, then
where?
The Church therefore understands her Lent as a special challenge to
fight against evil, at its very roots. Temptation is not only an occasion of
sin, but it is also a root of sin. Man is not only attracted by evil, but at
times he is also surrounded by it. Christ makes man aware of all this right
from the very beginning of that path which is Lent. At the same time he makes
each one of us aware of the saving power of the Gospel (Homily of Pope John
Paul II, Feb 24, 1985).
Conversation with
Christ: Lord Jesus, I want always to choose You, but I know that I am weak.
Please give me strength in my hour of temptation. Please keep me steady, and
inflame my heart with love so that I choose You and Your ways even though it’s
costly. May the temptations I overcome become the stepping-stones to a holy
life.
Resolution: I will be attentive
today to the subtle ways in which I am tempted to center my life around myself.
When these temptations come, I firmly commit to following Christ instead of my
own selfish path.
Excerpts from the DIARY of Saint Faustina Kowalska
18 However, after
three weeks I became aware that there is so very little time here for prayer,
and of many other things which spoke to my soul in favor of entering a
religious community of a stricter observance. This thought took a firm hold of
my soul, but the will of God was not in it. Still, the thought, or rather the
temptation, was growing stronger and stronger to the point where I decided one
day to announce my departure to Mother Superior and definitely to leave [the
convent]. But God arranged the circumstances in such a way that I could not get
to the Mother Superior [Michael]. I stepped into the little chapel [7] before
going to bed, and I asked Jesus for light in this matter. But I received
nothing in my soul except a strange unrest which I did not understand. But, in
spite of everything, I made up my mind to approach Mother Superior the next
morning right afte rMass and tell her of my decision.
40 +The year 1929.
Once during Holy Mass, I felt in a very special way the closeness of God,
although I tried to turn away and escape from Him. On several occasions I have
run away from God because I did not want to be a victim of the evil spirit;
since others have told me, more than once, that such is the case. And this incertitude
lasted for quite some time. During Holy Mass, before Communion, we had the
renewal of vows. When we had left our kneelers and had started to recite the
formula for the vows, Jesus appeared suddenly at my side clad in a white
garment with a golden girdle around His waist, and He said to me, I give you
eternal love that your purity may be untarnished and as a sign that you will
never be subject to temptations against purity. Jesus took off His golden
cincture and tied it around my waist.
Darkness and
Temptations
77 My mind became
dimmed in a strange way; no truth seemed clear to me. When people spoke to me
about God, my heart was like a rock. I could not draw from it a single
sentiment of love for Him. When I tried, by an act of the will, to remain close
to Him, I experienced great torments, and it seemed to me that I was only
provoking God to an even greater anger. It was absolutely impossible for me to
meditate as I had been accustomed to do in the past. I felt in my soul a great
void, and there was nothing with which I could fill it. I began to suffer from
a great hunger and yearning for God, but I saw my utter powerlessness. I tried
to read slowly, sentence by sentence, and to meditate in this way, but this
also was of no avail. I understood nothing of what I had read.
The abyss of my
misery was constantly before my eyes. Every time I entered the chapel for some
spiritual exercise, I experienced even worse torments and temptations. More
than once, all through Holy Mass, I had to struggle against blasphemous
thoughts which were forcing themselves to my lips. I felt an aversion for the
Holy Sacraments, and it seemed to me that I was not profiting from them in any
way. It was only out of obedience to my confessor that I frequented them, and
this blind obedience was for me the only path I could
follow and my very
last hope of survival. The priest explained to me that these were trials sent
by God and that, in the situation I was in, not only was I not offending God,
but I was most pleasing to Him. "This is a sign," he told me,
"that God loves you very much and that He has great confidence in you,
since He is sending you such trials." But these words brought me no
comfort; it seemed to me that they did not apply to me at all.
One thing did
surprise me: it often happened that, at the time when I was suffering greatly,
these terrible torments would disappear suddenly just as I was approaching the
confessional; but as soon as I had left the confessional, all these torments
would again seize me with even greater ferocity. I would then fall on my face
before the Blessed Sacrament repeating these words: "Even if You kill me,
still will I trust in You!" [cf. Job 13:15] It seemed to me that I would
die in these agonies. But the most terrible thought for me was the conviction
that I had been rejected by God. Then other thoughts came to me: why strive to
acquire virtues and do good works? why mortify and annihilate yourself? what
good is it to take vows? to pray? to sacrifice and immolate yourself? why
sacrifice myself all the time? what good is it - if I am already rejected by
God? why all these efforts? And here, God alone knew what was going on in my
heart.
93 +A Short Version
of the Catechism of the Vows[39]
Q. What is a vow?
A. A vow is a
voluntary promise made to God, to carry out a more perfect act.
Q. Is a vow binding
in a matter which is the object of a commandment?
A. Yes. The carrying
out of an act which is the object of a commandment has a double value and
merit; and the neglect of such an act is a double transgression and evil,
because by breaking such a vow we add to the sin against the commandment, the
sin of sacrilege.
Q. Why do religious
vows have such value?
A. Because they are
the foundation of the religious life approved by the Church, in which the
members bound together in a religious community undertake to strive always for
perfection by means of the three religious vows of poverty, chastity and
obedience, observed according to the rules.
Q. What is the
meaning of the words, "strive for perfection?"
A. To strive for
perfection means that the religious life does not in itself demand that
perfection be already attained, but obliges, under the pain of sin, that we
work daily to attain it. Therefore, a religious who does not want to become perfect
neglects his principal duty of state.
Q. What are
"solemn" religious vows?
A. "
Solemn" religious vows are so absolute that, in extraordinary cases, only
the Holy Father can dispense from them.
Q. What are simple
religious vows?
A. These are vows which
are less absolute - the Holy See dispenses from perpetual and annual vows.
Q. What is the
difference between a vow and a virtue?
A. A vow pertains
only to that which is commanded under pain of sin; the virtue goes beyond this
and helps in the carrying out of the vow; on the other hand, by breaking the
vow we fail in the virtue and do it damage.
Q. To what do the
religious vows oblige us?
A. The religious vows
oblige us to strive to acquire the virtues and to submit ourselves completely
to our Superiors and to the Rules which are in force; thus the religious gives
his own person to the Community, renouncing every right over himself and his
actions, which he sacrifices to the service of God.
The Vow of Poverty
The vow of poverty is
the voluntary renunciation of the right over property or to the use of such
property with the purpose of pleasing God.
Q. What objects does
the vow of poverty concern?
A. All those goods
and those objects which appertain to the Community. We have no longer any right
over anything that has been given to us, once it has been accepted, whether an
article or money. All these donations and presents, which may have been given
us out of gratitude or in any other way, belong by right to the Community. We
cannot make use, without violating the vow, of any wages we may receive for
work or even any annuity.
Q. When do we break
or violate the vow in a matter which entails the seventh commandment?
A. We break or
violate it when, without permission, we take for ourselves anything that belongs
to the house; when, without permission, we retain something in order to
appropriate it; and when, without authorization, we sell or exchange something
that belongs to the Community. When we make use of an object for some other
purpose than that intended by the Superior. When we give to, or accept from
another, anything whatsoever without permission. When by negligence we destroy
or damage something. When, in going from one house to another, we take
something with us without permission. In a situation where the vow is broken,
the religious is bound to restitution to the Community.
The Virtue of Poverty
This is an
evangelical virtue which impels the heart to detach itself from temporal
things; the religious, in virtue of his profession, is strictly obliged to it.
Q. When do we sin
against the virtue of poverty? When we desire something, contrary to this
virtue. When we become attached to something, and when we make use of
superfluous things. How many degrees of poverty are there and what are they?
A. There are, in
practice, four degrees of poverty for one who is a professed religious: to
dispose of nothing without the consent of the Superiors (the strict matter of
the vow); to avoid superfluities and be content with necessities (this pertains
to the virtue); to readily content oneself with things of inferior quality in
what concerns one's cell, clothing, nourishment, etc., and to experience this
contentment interiorly; to rejoice in extreme poverty.
The Vow of Chastity
Q. To what does this
vow oblige us?
A. To renounce
marriage and to avoid everything that is forbidden by the sixth and ninth
commandments.
Q. Is a fault against
the virtue a violation of the vow?
A. Every fault
against the virtue is at the same time a violation of the vow, because here
there is no difference, as in the case of poverty and obedience, between the
vow and the virtue.
Q. Is every bad
thought a sin?
A. No, every bad
thought is not a sin; it becomes so only when the acquiescence of the will and
consent are joined to the consideration of the mind.
Q. Is there anything,
over and above sins against chastity, which is detrimental to the virtue?
A. Lack of custody of
the senses, of the imagination, of the feelings; familiarity and sentimental
friendships are detrimental to the virtue.
Q. What are the means
by which this virtue may be preserved?
A. To conquer
interior temptations with the thought of the presence of God, and moreover to
fight without fear. And for exterior temptations, to avoid occasions. There
are, in all, seven principal means: to guard the senses, to avoid occasions, to
avoid idleness, to remove temptations promptly, to remove oneself from all -
and especially particular friendships, the spirit of mortification, and to
reveal all these temptations to one's confessor.
Besides this, there
are also five means of preserving this virtue: humility, the spirit of prayer,
modesty of the eyes, fidelity to the rule, a sincere devotion to the Blessed
Virgin Mary.
The Vow of Obedience
The vow of obedience
is superior to the first two. It is, to tell the truth, a holocaust, and it is
more necessary because it forms and animates the monastic body.
Q. To what does the
vow of obedience oblige us?
A. By the vow of
obedience, the religious promises to God to be obedient to his legitimate
superiors in everything that they will ordain in virtue of the rule. The vow of
obedience makes the religious dependent on his superior in virtue of these
rules for his whole life and in all his affairs. A religious commits a grave
sin against the vow every time he disobeys an order given in virtue of
obedience and of these rules.
The Virtue of
Obedience
The virtue of
obedience goes further than the vow; it embraces the rules, the regulations and
even the counsels of the superiors.
Q. Is the virtue of
obedience indispensable for a religious?
A. The virtue of
obedience is so indispensable to a religious that, even if he were to perform
good actions contrary to obedience, these would be evil and without merit.
Q. Can we sin gravely
against the virtue of obedience?
A. We sin gravely
when we scorn the authority or the order of the superior, or when spiritual or
temporal harm to the community results from our disobedience.
Q. What faults
endanger the vow?
A. To be prejudiced
against the superior, or to harbor an antipathy for him - murmuring and
criticism, tardiness and negligence.
The Degrees of
Obedience
Prompt and complete
fulfillment - the obedience of the will, when the will persuades the intellect
to submit to the advice of the superior. To facilitate obedience, Saint
Ignatius suggests, moreover, three means: always to see God in our superior,
whoever he might be; to justify in itself the order or advice of the superior;
to accept each order as an order from God, without examining it or reflecting
on it. General means: humility. Nothing is difficult for the humble.
96 +Trials sent by God to a soul
which is particularly loved by Him.
Temptations and darkness; Satan. The soul's love [for God] is still not such as God would have it. The soul suddenly loses the tangible perception of God's presence. Various defects and imperfections rise up within it, and it must fight them furiously. All her faults lift up their heads, but the soul's vigilance is great. The former awareness of the presence of God gives place to coldness and spiritual dryness; the soul has no taste for spiritual exercises; it cannot pray, either in the old way, or in the manner in which it had just begun to pray. It struggles this way and that, but can find no satisfaction. God has hidden himself from it, and it can find no consolation in creatures, nor can any of these creatures find a way of consoling it. The soul craves passionately for God, but sees its own misery; it begins to sense God's justice; it seems to it that it has lost all the gifts that God had given it; its mind is dimmed, and darkness fills it; unspeakable torment begins. The soul tries to explain its state to the confessor, but it is not understood and is assailed by an even greater unrest. Satan begins his work.
Temptations and darkness; Satan. The soul's love [for God] is still not such as God would have it. The soul suddenly loses the tangible perception of God's presence. Various defects and imperfections rise up within it, and it must fight them furiously. All her faults lift up their heads, but the soul's vigilance is great. The former awareness of the presence of God gives place to coldness and spiritual dryness; the soul has no taste for spiritual exercises; it cannot pray, either in the old way, or in the manner in which it had just begun to pray. It struggles this way and that, but can find no satisfaction. God has hidden himself from it, and it can find no consolation in creatures, nor can any of these creatures find a way of consoling it. The soul craves passionately for God, but sees its own misery; it begins to sense God's justice; it seems to it that it has lost all the gifts that God had given it; its mind is dimmed, and darkness fills it; unspeakable torment begins. The soul tries to explain its state to the confessor, but it is not understood and is assailed by an even greater unrest. Satan begins his work.
97 Faith staggers under the impact;
the struggle is fierce. The soul tries hard to cling to God by an act of will.
With God's permission, Satan goes even further: hope and love are put to the
test. These temptations are terrible. God supports the soul in secret, so to
speak. The soul is not aware of this, but otherwise it would be impossible to
stand firm; and God knows very well how much He can allow to befall a soul. The
soul is tempted to unbelief in respect to revealed truths and to insincerity toward
the confessor. Satan says to it, "Look, no one understands you; why speak
about all this?" Words that terrify it sound in its ears, and it seems to
the soul that it is uttering these against God. It sees what it does not want
to see. It hears what it does not want to hear. And, oh, it is a terrible thing
at times like these not to have an experienced confessor! The soul carries the
whole burden alone. However, one should make every effort to find, if it is at
all possible, a well-informed confessor, for the soul can collapse under the
burden and come to the very edge of the precipice. All these trials are heavy
and difficult. God does not send them to a soul which has not already been
admitted to a deeper intimacy with Him and which has not yet tasted the divine
delights. Besides, in this God has His own plans, which for us are
impenetrable. God often prepares a soul in this way for His future designs and
great works. He wants to try it as pure gold is tried. But this is not yet the
end of the testing; there is still the trial of trials, the complete
abandonment of the soul by God.
+ The Trial of Trials, Complete
Abandonment - Despair
98 When the soul comes out victorious from the preceding trials, even though it may stumble here and there, it fights on valiantly, humbly calling upon God, "Save me, I am perishing!" And it is still able to fight on.
At this point, however, the soul is engulfed in a horrible night. It sees within itself only sin. It feels terrible. It sees itself completely abandoned by God. It feels itself to be the object of His hatred. It is but one step away from despair. The soul does its best to defend itself; it tries to stir up its confidence; but prayer is an even greater torment for it, as this prayer seems to arouse God to an even greater anger. The soul finds itself poised on the summit of a lofty mountain on the very brink of a precipice.
The soul is drawn to God, but feels repulsed. All other sufferings and tortures in the world are as nothing compared with this sensation into which it has been plunged; namely, that of being rejected by God. No one can bring it any relief; it finds itself completely alone; there is no one to defend it. It raises its eyes to heaven, but is convinced that this is not for her-for her all is lost. It falls deeper and deeper from darkness to darkness, and it seems to it that it has lost forever the God it used to love so dearly. This thought is torture beyond all description. But the soul does not agree to it and tries to lift its gaze toward heaven, but in vain! And this makes the torture even more intense.
If God wishes to keep the soul in such darkness, no one will be able to give it light. It experiences rejection by God in a vivid and terrifying manner. From its heart burst forth painful moans, so painful that no priest will comprehend it, unless he himself has been through these trials. In the midst of this, the evil spirit adds to the soul's suffering, mocking it: "Will you persist in your faithfulness? This is your reward; you are in our power!" But Satan has only as much influence over the soul as God allows him, and God knows how much we can bear. "What have you gotten out of your mortifications," says Satan, "and out of your fidelity to the rule? What use are all these efforts? You have been rejected by God!" This word, rejected, becomes a fire which penetrates every nerve to the marrow of the bone. It pierces right through her entire being. The ordeal reaches its climax. The soul no longer looks for help anywhere. It shrinks into itself and loses sight of everything; it is as though it has accepted the torture of being abandoned. This is a moment for which I have no words. This is the agony of the soul.
98 When the soul comes out victorious from the preceding trials, even though it may stumble here and there, it fights on valiantly, humbly calling upon God, "Save me, I am perishing!" And it is still able to fight on.
At this point, however, the soul is engulfed in a horrible night. It sees within itself only sin. It feels terrible. It sees itself completely abandoned by God. It feels itself to be the object of His hatred. It is but one step away from despair. The soul does its best to defend itself; it tries to stir up its confidence; but prayer is an even greater torment for it, as this prayer seems to arouse God to an even greater anger. The soul finds itself poised on the summit of a lofty mountain on the very brink of a precipice.
The soul is drawn to God, but feels repulsed. All other sufferings and tortures in the world are as nothing compared with this sensation into which it has been plunged; namely, that of being rejected by God. No one can bring it any relief; it finds itself completely alone; there is no one to defend it. It raises its eyes to heaven, but is convinced that this is not for her-for her all is lost. It falls deeper and deeper from darkness to darkness, and it seems to it that it has lost forever the God it used to love so dearly. This thought is torture beyond all description. But the soul does not agree to it and tries to lift its gaze toward heaven, but in vain! And this makes the torture even more intense.
If God wishes to keep the soul in such darkness, no one will be able to give it light. It experiences rejection by God in a vivid and terrifying manner. From its heart burst forth painful moans, so painful that no priest will comprehend it, unless he himself has been through these trials. In the midst of this, the evil spirit adds to the soul's suffering, mocking it: "Will you persist in your faithfulness? This is your reward; you are in our power!" But Satan has only as much influence over the soul as God allows him, and God knows how much we can bear. "What have you gotten out of your mortifications," says Satan, "and out of your fidelity to the rule? What use are all these efforts? You have been rejected by God!" This word, rejected, becomes a fire which penetrates every nerve to the marrow of the bone. It pierces right through her entire being. The ordeal reaches its climax. The soul no longer looks for help anywhere. It shrinks into itself and loses sight of everything; it is as though it has accepted the torture of being abandoned. This is a moment for which I have no words. This is the agony of the soul.
101 Jesus, You alone
know how the soul, engulfed in darkness, moans in the midst of these torments
and, despite all this, thirsts for God as burning lips thirst for water. It
dies and withers; it dies a death without death; that is to say, it cannot die.
All its efforts come to nothing; it is under a powerful hand. Now the soul
comes under the power of the Just One. All exterior temptations cease; all that
surrounds it becomes silent, like a dying person who loses contact with
everything around it: the person's entire soul is in the hand of the Just God,
the Thrice-Holy God,-rejected for all eternity! This is the culminating moment,
and God alone can test a soul in this way, because He alone knows what the soul
can endure.
When the soul has
been saturated through and through by this infernal fire, it is, as it were,
cast headlong into great despair. My soul experienced this moment when I was
all alone in my cell. When my soul began to sink into this despair, I felt that
the end was near. But I seized my little crucifix and clutched it tightly in my
hand. And now I felt my body separate itself from my soul; and though I wanted
to go to my Superiors, I no longer had the physical strength. I uttered my last
words: "I trust in Your Mercy!"-and it seemed to me that I provoked
God to an even greater anger. And now I was drowned in despair, and all that
was left me was a moan of unadulterated pain which, from time to time, tore
itself from my soul. The soul is in agony-and it seemed to me that I would
remain in this state, because by my own strength I could not emerge from it.
Every recollection of God opened up an unspeakable ocean of suffering, and yet
despite this there is something within the soul which is drawn to Him, though
it seems to her for this only-that she suffer more. The memory of the love with
which God formerly surrounded it is still another kind of suffering. His gaze
pierces it, and everything within the soul is burned by this gaze.
147 I recall that I
have received most light during adoration which I made lying prostrate before
the Blessed Sacrament for half an hour every day throughout Lent. During that
time I came to know myself and God more profoundly. And yet, even though I had
the superiors' permission to do so, I encountered many obstacles to praying in
such a way. Let the soul be aware that, in order to pray and persevere in prayer,
one must arm oneself with patience and cope bravely with exterior and interior
difficulties. The interior difficulties are discouragement, dryness, heaviness
of spirit and temptations. The exterior difficulties are human respect and
time; one must observe the time set apart for prayer. This has been my personal
experience because, when I did not pray at the time assigned for prayer, later
on I could not do it because of my duties; or if I did manage to do so, this
was only with great difficulty, because my thoughts kept wandering off to my
duties. I also experienced this difficulty: when a soul has prayed well and
left prayer in a state of profound interior recollection, others resist its
recollection; and so, the soul must be patient to persevere in prayer. It often
happened to me that when my soul was more deeply immersed in God, and I had
derived greater fruit from prayer, and God's presence accompanied me during the
day, and at work there was more recollection and greater precision and effort
at my duty, this was precisely when I received the most rebukes for being
negligent in my duty and indifferent to everything; because less recollected
souls want others to be like them, for they are a constant [source of] remorse
to them.
173 Satan's
temptations during meditation. I felt a strange fear that the priest would not
understand me, or that he would have no time to hear everything I would have to
say. How am I going to tell him all this? If it were Father Bukowski I could do
it more easily, but this Jesuit whom I am seeing for the first time... Then I
remembered Father Bukowski's advice that I should at least take brief notes of
the lights sent to me by God during the retreats and give him at least a brief
report on them. My God, for a day and a half all has gone well, and now a life
and death struggle is beginning. The conference is to start in a half hour, and
then I am to go to confession. Satan tried to persuade me into believing that
if my superiors have told me that my inner life is an illusion, why should I
ask again and trouble the confessor? Didn't MX [probably Mother Jane] tell you
that the Lord Jesus does not commune with souls as miserable as yours? This
confessor is going to tell you the same thing. Why speak to him about all this?
These are not sins, and Mother X, told you that all this communing with the
Lord Jesus was daydreaming and pure hysteria. So why tell it to this confessor?
You would do better to dismiss all this as illusions. Look how many
humiliations you have suffered because of them, and how many more are still
awaiting you, and all the sisters know that you are a hysteric.
"Jesus!" I called out with all the strength of my soul.
174 At that moment
the priest came in and began the conference. He spoke for a short time, as if
he were in a hurry. After the conference, he went over to the confessional.
Seeing that none of the sisters were going there, I sprang from my kneeler, and
in an instant was in the confessional. There was no time to deliberate. Instead
of telling the father about the doubts that had been sown in me in respect to
my dealings with the Lord Jesus, I began to speak about these temptations I
have just described above. The confessor immediately understood my situation
and said, "Sister, you distrust the Lord Jesus because He treats you so
kindly. Well, Sister, be completely at peace. Jesus is your Master, and your
communing with Him is neither daydreaming nor hysteria nor illusion. Know that
you are on the right path. Please try to be faithful to these graces; you are not
free to shun them. You do not need at all, Sister, to tell your superiors about
these interior graces, unless the Lord Jesus instructs you clearly to do so,
and even then you should first consult with your confessor. But if the Lord
Jesus demands something external, in this case, after consulting your
confessor, you should carry out what He asks of you, even if this costs you
greatly. On the other hand, you must tell your confessor everything. There is
absolutely no other course for you to take, Sister. Pray that you may find a
spiritual director, or else you will waste these great gifts of God. I repeat
once again, be at peace; you are following the right path. Take no heed of
anything else, but always be faithful to the Lord Jesus, no matter what anyone
says about you. It is with just such miserable souls that the Lord Jesus
communes in this intimate way. And the more you humble yourself, the more the
Lord Jesus will unite Himself with you." 175 176 177
192 Once, I took upon
myself a terrible temptation which one of our students in the house at Warsaw
was going through. It was the temptation of suicide. For seven days I suffered;
and after the seven days Jesus granted her the grace which was being asked, and
then my suffering also ceased. It was a great suffering. I often take upon
myself the torments of our students. Jesus permits me to do this, and so do my
confessors.
343 True love is
measured by the thermometer of suffering. Jesus, I thank You for the little
daily crosses, for opposition to my endeavors, for the hardships of communal
life, for the misinterpretation of my intentions, for humiliations at the hands
of others, for the harsh way in which we are treated, for false suspicions, for
poor health and loss of strength, for self- denial, for dying to myself, for
lack of recognition in everything, for the upsetting of all my plans.
Thank You, Jesus, for
interior sufferings, for dryness of spirit, for terrors, fears and
incertitudes, for the darkness and the deep interior night, for temptations and
various ordeals, for torments too difficult to describe, especially for those
which no one will understand, for the hour of death with its fierce struggle
and all its bitterness.
I thank You, Jesus,
You who first drank the cup of bitterness before You gave it to me, in a much
milder form. I put my lips to this cup of Your holy will. Let all be done
according to
Your good pleasure;
let that which Your wisdom ordained before the ages be done to me. I want to
drink the cup to its last drop, and not seek to know the reason why. In
bitterness is my joy, in hopelessness is my trust. In You, O Lord, all is good,
all is a gift of Your paternal Heart. I do not prefer consolations over
bitterness or bitterness over consolations, but thank You, O Jesus, for
everything! It is my delight to fix my gaze upon You, O incomprehensible God!
My spirit abides in these mysterious dwelling places, and there I am at home. I
know very well the dwelling place of my Spouse. I feel there is not a single
drop of blood in me that does not burn with love for You.
O Uncreated Beauty,
whoever comes to know You once cannot love anything else. I can feel the
bottomless abyss of my soul, and nothing will fill it but God himself. I feel
that I am drowned in Him like a single grain of sand in a bottomless ocean.
May, 1935. A Certain
Moment.
429 When I became
aware of God's great plans for me, I was frightened at their greatness and felt
myself quite incapable of fulfilling them, and I began to avoid interior
conversations with Him, filling up the time with vocal prayer. I did this out
of humility, but I soon recognized it was not true humility, but rather a great
temptation from the devil. When, on one occasion, instead of interior prayer, I
took up a book of spiritual reading, I heard these words spoken distinctly and
forcefully within my soul, You will
prepare the world for My final coming. These words moved me deeply, and
although I pretended not to hear them, 1 understood them very well and had no
doubt about them. Once, being tired out from this battle of love with God, and
making constant excuses on the grounds that I was unable to carry out this
task, I wanted to leave the chapel, but some force held me back and I found
myself powerless. Then I heard these words, You intend to leave the chapel, but you shall not get away from Me, for
I am everywhere. You cannot do anything of yourself, but with me you can do all
things.
872 January 7. During
the Holy Hour, the Lord allowed me to taste His Passion. I shared in the
bitterness of the suffering that filled His soul to overflowing. Jesus gave me
to understand how a soul should be faithful to prayer despite torments, dryness
and temptations; because oftentimes the realization of God's great plans
depends mainly on such prayer. If we do not persevere in such prayer, we
frustrate what the Lord wanted to do through us or within us. Let every soul
remember these words: "And being in anguish, He prayed longer." I
always prolong such prayer as much as is in my power and in conformity with my
duty.
1031 March 22, 1937.
As I was talking, today, to a certain person, I recognized that she was
suffering greatly in spirit, although exteriorly she pretended that she was
very happy and was not suffering at all. I felt inspired to tell her that what
was troubling her was a temptation. When I disclosed to her what was torturing
her, she burst into tears and told me that she had come to see me precisely to
speak to me, because she felt that it would bring her relief. The suffering was
of such a kind that the soul was being attracted by God's grace on the one hand
and by the world on the other. She was going through a terrible struggle that
brought her to the point of weeping like a little child. But she went away
soothed and set at peace.
1086 Although the
temptations are strong, a whole wave of doubts beats against my soul, and
discouragement stands by, ready to enter into the act, the Lord, however,
strengthens my will, against which all the attempts of the enemy are shattered
as if against a rock. I see how many actual graces God grants me; these support
me ceaselessly. I am very weak, and I attribute everything solely to the grace
of God.
1488 Conversation of
the Merciful God with a Soul Striving after Perfection.
Jesus:
I am pleased with your efforts, O soul aspiring for perfection, but why do I
see you so often sad and depressed? Tell Me, My child, what is the meaning of
this sadness, and what is its cause?
Soul: Lord, the
reason for my sadness is that, in spite of my sincere resolutions, I fall again
into the same faults. I make resolutions in the morning, but in the evening I
see how much I have departed from them.
Jesus:
You see, My child, what you are of yourself. The cause of your falls is that
you rely too much upon yourself and too little on Me. But let this not sadden
you so much. You are dealing with the God of mercy, which your misery cannot
exhaust. Remember, I did not allot only a certain number of pardons.
Soul: Yes, I know all
that, but great temptations assail me, and various doubts awaken within me and,
moreover, everything irritates and discourages me.
Jesus:
My child, know that the greatest obstacles to holiness are discouragement and
an exaggerated anxiety. These will deprive you of the ability to practice
virtue. All temptations united together ought not disturb your interior peace,
not even momentarily. Sensitiveness and discouragement are the fruits of
self-love. You should not become discouraged, but strive to make My love reign
in place of your self-love. Have confidence, My child. Do not lose heart in
coming for pardon, for I am always ready to forgive you. As often as you beg
for it, you glorify My mercy.
Soul: I understand
what is the better thing to do, what pleases You more, but I encounter great
obstacles in acting on this understanding.
Jesus:
My child, life on earth is a struggle indeed; a great struggle for My kingdom.
But
fear not, because you are not alone. I am always supporting you, so lean on Me
as you struggle, fearing nothing. Take the vessel of trust and draw from the fountain
of life-for yourself, but also for other souls, especially such as are
distrustful of My goodness.
Soul: O Lord, I feel
my heart being filled with Your love and the rays of Your mercy and love
piercing my soul. I go, Lord, at Your command. I go to conquer souls. Sustained
by Your grace, I am ready to follow You, Lord, not only to Tabor, but also to
Calvary. I desire to lead souls to the fount of Your mercy so that the splendor
of Your mercy may be reflected in all souls, and the home of our Father be
filled to overflowing. And when the enemy begins to attack me, I shall take
refuge behind the shield of Your mercy.
1558 February 2,
[1938]. Darkness of the soul. Today is the Feast of the Mother of God, and in
my soul it is so dark. The Lord has hidden Himself, and I am alone, all alone.
My mind has become so dimmed that I see only phantasies about me. Not a single
ray of light penetrates my soul. I do not understand myself or those who speak
to me. Frightful temptations regarding the holy faith assail me. O my Jesus,
save me. I cannot say anything more. I cannot describe these things in detail,
for I fear lest someone be scandalized on reading this. I am astounded that
such torments could befall a soul. O hurricane, what are you doing to the boat
of my heart? This storm has lasted the whole day and night.
When Mother Superior
[Irene] came in to see me and asked, "Would you like to take advantage of
this occasion, Sister, since Father An. [Andrasz] is coming to hear
confessions?" I answered, no. It seemed to me that Father would not
understand me, nor would I be able to make a confession.
I spent the whole
night with Jesus in Gethsemane. From my breast there escaped one continuous
moan. A natural dying will be much easier, because then one is in agony and will
die; while here, one is in agony, but cannot die. O Jesus, I never thought such
suffering could exist. Nothingness: that is the reality. O Jesus, save me! I
believe in You with all my heart. So many times have I seen the radiance of
Your face, and now, where are You, Lord?... I believe, I believe, and again I
believe in You, Triune God, Father, Son and Holy
Spirit, and in all
the truths which Your holy Church gives me to believe... But the darkness does
not recede, and my spirit plunges into even greater agony. And at that moment,
such terrible torment overwhelmed me that now I am amazed at myself that I did
not breathe my last, but this was for only a brief instant.
1560 February 3,
[1938]. Today after Holy Communion, Jesus again gave me a few directives: First, do not fight against a temptation by
yourself, but disclose it to the confessor at once, and then the temptation
will lose all its force. Second, during these ordeals do not lose your peace;
live in My presence; ask My Mother and the Saints for help. Third, have the
certitude that I am looking at you and supporting you. Fourth, do not fear
either struggles of the soul or any temptations, because I am supporting you;
if only you are willing to fight, know that the victory is always on your side.
Fifth, know that by fighting bravely you give Me great glory and amass merits
for yourself. Temptation gives you a chance to show Me your fidelity.
1580
My Jesus, I now see that I have gone through all the stages of my life
following You: childhood, youth, vocation, apostolic work, Tabor, Gethsemane,
and now I am already with You on Calvary. I have willingly allowed myself to be
crucified, and I am indeed already crucified; although I can still walk a
little, I am stretched out on the cross, and I feel distinctly that strength is
flowing to me from Your Cross, that You and You alone are my perseverance.
Although I often hear the voice of temptation calling to me, "Come down
from the cross!" the power of God strengthens me. Although loneliness and
darkness and sufferings of all kinds beat against my heart, the mysterious
power of God supports and strengthens me. I want to drink the cup to the last
drop. I trust firmly that Your grace, which has sustained me in the Garden of
Olives, will sustain me also now that I am on Calvary.
1704 + Struggle with
a certain temptation. There was a person who kept accosting me with flattering
words, and since he knew when I went out to go to the chapel or to the veranda,
he would bar my way. Since he did not dare approach me by himself, he found
another person like himself, but neither of them dared approach. As I was on my
way to the May devotions, they were already standing there where I had to pass.
I hadn't yet reached them when I heard enticing words, directed at me. And the
Lord permitted me to know the intentions of their hearts, which were not good.
I felt they would block my way after the service, and then I would have to talk
to them, for up to that time I hadn't said a word.
When I left the
chapel, they were there, armed and waiting for me to pass. This time, I was
overcome with fear. Then Jesus stood by me and said, Do not fear. I am with you. Then I felt an extraordinary strength
in my soul, which I cannot describe and, being a few steps from them, I said
boldly and loudly, "Praised be Jesus Christ." And they, stepping
aside, responded, "For ever and ever. Amen." As if struck by
lightning, they bowed their heads, not even daring to look at me. After I had
passed, I could hear some malicious comments. Ever since that time, when this
person sees me, he runs away in order not to meet me and I, thanks to the Lord,
have been left in peace...
1715 A strong
temptation. The Lord gave me to know how pleasing a pure heart is to Him, and
thereby I was given a deeper knowledge of my own misery. When I began to
prepare for confession, strong temptations against confessors assaulted me. I
did not see Satan, but I could sense him, his terrible anger. - "Yes, he's
an ordinary man." - "Not ordinary, because he has the power of
God." - Yes, it is not difficult for me to accuse myself of my sins. But
to uncover the most secret depths of my heart, to give an account of the action
of God's grace, to speak about God's every demand, about all that goes on
between God and myself... to tell that to a man is beyond my strength. I felt I
was fighting against the powers and I cried out: "O Christ, You and the
priest are one; I will approach confession as if I were approaching, not a man,
but You." When I entered the confessional, I began by disclosing my
difficulties. The priest replied that the best thing I could have done was to
disclose these temptations from the outset. However, after the confession, they
took flight, and my soul is enjoying peace.
1736 Once, when I was
on the veranda, I saw that a certain person was being troubled by strong
temptations concerning Holy Confession, doubting its secrecy. Although I knew
the condition of that soul, I myself did not start the conversation. When we
were alone, she opened her heart to me and told me everything. After talking
for a short while, she said to me, "I am at peace now; my soul has
received much light."
Conference on
Spiritual Warfare.
1760 My daughter, I
want to teach you about spiritual warfare. Never trust in yourself, but abandon
yourself totally to My will. In desolation, darkness and various doubts, have
recourse to Me and to your spiritual director. He will always answer you in My
name. Do not bargain with any temptation; lock yourself immediately in My Heart
and, at the first opportunity, reveal the temptation to the confessor. Put your
self-love in the last place, so that it does not taint your deeds. Bear with
yourself with great patience. Do not neglect interior mortifications. Always
justify to yourself the opinions of your superiors and of your confessor. Shun
murmurers like a plague. Let all act as they like; you are to act as I want you
to.
Observe the rule as
faithfully as you can. If someone causes you trouble, think what good you can
do for the person who caused you to suffer. Do not pour out your feelings. Be
silent when you are rebuked. Do not ask everyone's opinion, but only the
opinion of your confessor; be as frank and simple as a child with him. Do not
become discouraged by ingratitude. Do not examine with curiosity the roads down which I lead
you. When boredom and discouragement beat against your heart, run away from
yourself and hide in My heart. Do not fear struggle; courage itself often
intimidates temptations, and they dare not attack us.
Always fight with the
deep conviction that I am with you. Do not be guided by feeling, because it is
not always under your control; but all merit lies in the will. Always depend
upon your superiors, even in the smallest things. I will not delude you with
prospects of peace and consolations; on the contrary, prepare for great
battles. Know that you are now on a great stage where all heaven and earth are
watching you. Fight like a knight, so that I can reward you. Do not be unduly
fearful, because you are not alone.
1823 12. + Today, my
soul is preparing for the coming of my Savior, who is goodness and love itself.
Temptations and distractions torment me and do not let me prepare for the
coming of the Lord. Therefore I desire even more ardently to receive You, Lord,
because I know that when You come, You will rescue me from these torments. And
if it is Your will that I should suffer, well then, fortify me for the
struggle.
Jesus, Savior, who
have deigned to come into my heart, drive away these distractions which are
keeping me from talking to You.
Jesus answered me, I
want you to become like a knight experienced in battle, who can give orders to
others amid the exploding shells. In the same way, My child, you should know
how to master yourself amid the greatest difficulties, and let nothing drive
you away from Me, not even your falls.
Today, I have been
struggling all day long with a certain difficulty about which You, Jesus,
know...
(Diary of
Sister Faustina Kowalska Notebook-I-18, 40, 77, 93, 96-98, 101, 147, 173)
(Diary of
Sister Faustina Kowalska Notebook-I-174, 192, 343, 429)
(Diary of
Sister Faustina Kowalska Notebook-II-872)
(Diary of
Sister Faustina Kowalska Notebook-III-1031, 1086)
(Diary of
Sister Faustina Kowalska Notebook-V-1488, 1558, 1560, 1580)
(Diary of
Sister Faustina Kowalska Notebook-IV-1704, 1715, 1760)
Preperation
for Holy Communion: 1823
Walang komento:
Mag-post ng isang Komento