A Meager Meal
August 5, 2019. Monday of the
Eighteenth Week in Ordinary Time
Matthew 14:13-21
When
Jesus heard of it, he withdrew in a boat to a deserted place by himself. The
crowds heard of this and followed him on foot from their towns. When he disembarked
and saw the vast crowd, his heart was moved with pity for them, and he cured
their sick. When it was evening, the disciples approached him and said,
"This is a deserted place and it is already late; dismiss the crowds so
that they can go to the villages and buy food for themselves." Jesus said
to them, "There is no need for them to go away; give them some food
yourselves." But they said to him, "Five loaves and two fish are all
we have here." Then he said, "Bring them here to me," and he
ordered the crowds to sit down on the grass. Taking the five loaves and the two
fish, and looking up to heaven, he said the blessing, broke the loaves, and
gave them to the disciples, who in turn gave them to the crowds. They all ate
and were satisfied, and they picked up the fragments left over-- twelve wicker
baskets full. Those who ate were about five thousand men, not counting women
and children.
Introductory Prayer: Lord Jesus, I believe You want me to have
faith in You, faith that hearkens to Your words without any second guessing. I
hope in Your words, not relying solely on my own strength or reasoning. I love You.
You continue to astonish me by showing me that Your ways are not my ways.
Petition: Lord Jesus, increase my faith.
1. Frugal Fruits: Our mission is to extend Christ’s Kingdom in society. Each
one of us must do so according to his or her state in life. At times, however,
it may seem that our efforts are not bringing about the desired results. We
love Christ so much, and yet so many of our family, friends and acquaintances
do not know or love him at all. We love our country and wish that all our
fellow countrymen would discover for themselves the beauty of our Catholic
faith. We know that in this faith lie all the answers to the fundamental
questions and aspirations of the human heart. We work hard, we brainstorm
initiatives, we join with others, we strive to do our best, and yet, it
sometimes seems that others are not hearing Christ’s message. What is wrong?
What more can we do?
2. Feed Them Yourselves: Our Lord tells the apostles to feed the
multitude. How could they possibly feed 5,000 men, not to mention women and
children? They had only five loaves and two fish. Surely this was a parable,
they thought. They were too focused on how little they could do; they did not
see beyond their own weakness. What went through their heads when he told them
to sit the people down in groups? What did they say in that moment? We don’t
know. We do know, however, that they listened to Christ. They did what they were
told. They did not go about complaining that it was pointless. And so, in their
act of obedience they actually began to feed the people themselves.
3. The X Factor: Relying on God: Our Lord multiplied the
loaves of bread and the fish by his divine power. Interestingly, he fed the
people through the Twelve. The apostles, despite their weakness, were the
vessels who distributed the multiplied bread and fish to the people. Christ can
do great things in us as well, if we let him. In the face of the challenges of
the New Evangelization, if we bring our weakness and limitations to Christ and
are ready to do as he asks, then we, too, shall bear great fruit.
Conversation with Christ: Once again, Lord, You show us Your goodness
and kindness. The apostles turned to You and poured out their hearts. And You
answered their prayers, giving them fruits beyond all measure. Lord, I want to
pray as they prayed. I want to do what You ask as they did, in faith and love.
Resolution: I will ask for the grace to serve as Christ’s vessel of
evangelization, striving not to allow difficulties to cause me to lose heart.
Excerpts from the
DIARY of Saint Faustina Kowalska
24
One day, just as I had awakened, when I was putting myself in the presence of
God, I was suddenly overwhelmed by despair. Complete darkness in the soul. I
fought as best I could till noon. In the afternoon, truly deadly fears began to
seize me; my physical strength began to leave me. I went quickly to my cell,
fell on my knees before the Crucifix and began to cry out for mercy. But Jesus
did not hear my cries. I felt my physical strength leave me completely. I fell
to the ground, despair flooding my whole soul. I suffered terrible tortures in
no way different from the torments of hell. I was in this state for three
quarters of an hour. I wanted to go and see the Directress, but was too weak. I
wanted to shout but I had no voice. Fortunately, one of the sisters [another
novice, Sister Placida Putyra] came into my cell. Finding me in such a strange
condition, she immediately told the Directress about it. Mother came at once.
As soon as she entered the cell she said, "In the name of holy obedience [16]
get up from the ground." Immediately some force raised me up from the
ground and I stood up, close to the dear Mother Directress. With kindly words
she began to explain to me that this was a trial sent to me by God, saying,
"Have great confidence; God is always our Father, even when He sends us
trials."
I returned to my duties as if I had come out from the tomb, my senses saturated with what my soul had experienced. During the evening service, my soul began to agonize again in a terrible darkness. I felt that I was in the power of the Just God, and that I was the object of His indignation. During these terrible moments I said to God, "Jesus, who in the Gospel compare Yourself to a most tender mother," I trust in Your words because You are Truth and Life. In spite of everything, Jesus, I trust in You in the face of every interior sentiment which sets itself against hope. Do what You want with me; I will never leave You, because You are the source of my life." Only one who has lived through similar moments can understand how terrible is this torment of the soul.
I returned to my duties as if I had come out from the tomb, my senses saturated with what my soul had experienced. During the evening service, my soul began to agonize again in a terrible darkness. I felt that I was in the power of the Just God, and that I was the object of His indignation. During these terrible moments I said to God, "Jesus, who in the Gospel compare Yourself to a most tender mother," I trust in Your words because You are Truth and Life. In spite of everything, Jesus, I trust in You in the face of every interior sentiment which sets itself against hope. Do what You want with me; I will never leave You, because You are the source of my life." Only one who has lived through similar moments can understand how terrible is this torment of the soul.
28
Once Jesus told me, Go to Mother Superior [probably Mother Raphael 18] and
ask her to let you wear a hair shirt for seven days, and once each night you
are to get up and come to the chapel. I said yes, but I found a certain
difficulty in actually going to the Superior. In the evening Jesus asked me, How
long will you put it off? I made up my mind to tell Mother Superior the
very next time I would see her.
The next day before noon I saw Mother Superior going to the refectory and, since the kitchen, refectory and Sister Aloysia's little room are all close to each other, I asked Mother Superior to come into Sister Aloysia's room and told her of the wish of the Lord Jesus. At that, Mother answered, "I will not permit you to wear any hair shirt. Absolutely not! If the Lord Jesus were to give you the strength of a colossus, I would then permit those mortifications."
I apologized for taking up Mother's time and left the room. At that very moment I saw Jesus standing at the kitchen door, and I said to Him, "You commanded me to ask for these mortifications, but Mother Superior will not permit them." Jesus said, I was here during your conversation with the Superior and know everything. I don't demand mortification from you, but obedience. By obedience you give great glory to Me and gain merit for yourself.
The next day before noon I saw Mother Superior going to the refectory and, since the kitchen, refectory and Sister Aloysia's little room are all close to each other, I asked Mother Superior to come into Sister Aloysia's room and told her of the wish of the Lord Jesus. At that, Mother answered, "I will not permit you to wear any hair shirt. Absolutely not! If the Lord Jesus were to give you the strength of a colossus, I would then permit those mortifications."
I apologized for taking up Mother's time and left the room. At that very moment I saw Jesus standing at the kitchen door, and I said to Him, "You commanded me to ask for these mortifications, but Mother Superior will not permit them." Jesus said, I was here during your conversation with the Superior and know everything. I don't demand mortification from you, but obedience. By obedience you give great glory to Me and gain merit for yourself.
102
After some time, one of the sisters came into the cell and found me almost
dead. She was frightened and went to find the Directress of Novices who, in the
name of holy obedience ordered me to get up from the ground. My strength
returned immediately, and I got up, trembling. The Directress recognized
immediately the state of my soul and spoke to me about the inscrutable mercy of
God, saying, "Do not be distressed about anything, Sister. I command this
of you in virtue of obedience." Then she said to me, "I see now,
Sister, that God is calling you to a high degree of holiness; the Lord wants to
draw you very close to Himself since He has allowed these things to happen to
you so soon. Be faithful to God, Sister, because this is a sign that He wants
you to have a high place in heaven." However, I did not understand
anything of these words. When I went into the chapel, I felt as though my soul
had been set free from everything, as though I had just come forth from the
hand of God. I perceived the inviolability of my soul; I felt that I was a tiny
child.
105
However, in all these sufferings and struggles, I was not omitting Holy
Communion. When it seemed to me that I should not communicate, I went, before
Holy Communion, to the Directress and told her that I could not approach the
Sacrament, because it seemed to me that I should not do so. But she would not
permit me to omit Holy Communion, so I went, and I understand now that it was
only obedience that saved me.
The Directress herself told me later that my trials had passed quickly, "and this solely because you were obedient, Sister; and it was through the power of obedience that you struggled through this so bravely." It is true that it was the Lord himself who brought me out of this torment, but my fidelity to obedience did please Him.
The Directress herself told me later that my trials had passed quickly, "and this solely because you were obedient, Sister; and it was through the power of obedience that you struggled through this so bravely." It is true that it was the Lord himself who brought me out of this torment, but my fidelity to obedience did please Him.
106
Though these are frightening things, the soul should not be too fearful,
because God will never test us beyond what we are able to bear. On the other
hand, He may never send us such sufferings, but I write this because, if it
pleases the Lord to let a soul pass through such sufferings, it should not be
afraid but, insofar as this depends on the soul itself, it should remain
faithful to God. God will do a soul no harm, because He is Love itself, and in
this unfathomable love has called it into being. However, when I was so
tormented, I myself did not understand this.
113
And again, I would like to say three words to the soul that is determined to
strive for sanctity and to derive fruit; that is to say, benefit from
confession.
First word-complete sincerity and openness. Even the holiest and wisest confessor cannot forcibly pour into the soul what he desires if it is not sincere and open. An insincere, secretive soul risks great dangers in the spiritual life, and even the Lord Jesus Himself does not give Himself to such a soul on a higher level, because He knows it would derive no benefit from these special graces.
Second word-humility. A soul does not benefit as it should from the sacrament of confession if it is not humble. Pride keeps it in darkness. The soul neither knows how, nor is it willing, to probe with precision the depths of its own misery. It puts on a mask and avoids everything that might bring it recovery.
Third word-obedience. A disobedient soul will win no victory, even if the Lord Jesus himself, in person, were to hear its confession. The most experienced confessor will be of no help whatsoever to such a soul. The disobedient soul exposes itself to great misfortunes; it will make no progress toward perfection, nor will it succeed in the spiritual life. God lavishes His graces most generously upon the soul, but it must be an obedient soul.
First word-complete sincerity and openness. Even the holiest and wisest confessor cannot forcibly pour into the soul what he desires if it is not sincere and open. An insincere, secretive soul risks great dangers in the spiritual life, and even the Lord Jesus Himself does not give Himself to such a soul on a higher level, because He knows it would derive no benefit from these special graces.
Second word-humility. A soul does not benefit as it should from the sacrament of confession if it is not humble. Pride keeps it in darkness. The soul neither knows how, nor is it willing, to probe with precision the depths of its own misery. It puts on a mask and avoids everything that might bring it recovery.
Third word-obedience. A disobedient soul will win no victory, even if the Lord Jesus himself, in person, were to hear its confession. The most experienced confessor will be of no help whatsoever to such a soul. The disobedient soul exposes itself to great misfortunes; it will make no progress toward perfection, nor will it succeed in the spiritual life. God lavishes His graces most generously upon the soul, but it must be an obedient soul.
257 Tomorrow I am to
leave for Vilnius. Today, I went to confession to Father Andrasz, this priest
who is so filled with the spirit of God, who untied my wings so that I could
soar to the highest summits. He reassured me in everything and told me to
believe in Divine Providence. "Have confidence and walk ahead with
courage." An extraordinary, divine power came over me after that
confession. Father stressed that I must be faithful to God's grace and said,
"No harm will come to you if, in the future, you continue to keep this
same simplicity and obedience. Have confidence in God; you are on the right
path and in good hands, in God's hands."
362 +One day, during
the morning meditation, I heard this voice: I myself am your director; I was, I am, and I will be. And
since you asked for visible help, I chose and gave you a director even before
you had asked, for My work required this. Know that the faults you commit
against him wound My Heart. Be especially on your guard against
self-willfulness; even the smallest thing should bear the seal of obedience.
With a crushed and humbled heart I begged forgiveness of Jesus for these faults. I also begged pardon of my spiritual director and resolved to do nothing rather than to do many things wrongly.
With a crushed and humbled heart I begged forgiveness of Jesus for these faults. I also begged pardon of my spiritual director and resolved to do nothing rather than to do many things wrongly.
365 My spiritual
director replaced it with an interior mortification; namely, throughout Holy
Mass I was to meditate on why the Lord Jesus had submitted to being baptized.
The meditation was no mortification for me, for thinking about God is a delight
and not a mortification; but there was a mortification of the will in that I was
not doing [simply] what I like, but what I was told to do, and it is in this
that interior mortification consists. When I left the confessional and started
to recite my penance, I heard these words: I have granted the grace you asked for on behalf of that
soul, but not because of the mortification you chose for yourself. Rather, it
was because of your act of complete obedience to My representative that I
granted this grace to that soul for whom you interceded and begged mercy. Know
that when you mortify your own self-will, then Mine reigns within you.
376 My Jesus, I trust
that Your grace will help me to carry out these resolutions. Although the above
points are contained in the vow of obedience, I want to practice these things
in a special way, because this is the essence of the religious life. Merciful
Jesus, I beg You fervently to enlighten my mind so that I may come to know You
better, You who are the Infinite Being, and that I may get to know myself
better, who am nothingness itself.
381 When meditating
once on obedience, I heard these words:
In this meditation, the priest [90]
is speaking particularly for you. Know that I am borrowing his lips.
I tried to listen most attentively to everything and to apply everything to my
own heart, as in every meditation. When the priest said that an obedient soul
was filled with the power of God... Yes,
when you are obedient I take away your weakness and replace it with My strength.
I am very surprised that souls do not want to make that exchange with Me.
I said to the Lord, "Jesus, enlighten my heart, or else I, too, will not
understand much from these words."
1006 + O my Lord and
God, You command me to write about the graces You grant me. O my Jesus, were it
not for a clear command from my confessors,[178] that I
am to write down what goes on in my soul, I would not, of my own choice, write
a single word. And so, if I do write about myself, it is at the formal command
of holy obedience.
1023 + Today, I
received some oranges. When the sister had left, I thought to myself,
"Should I eat the oranges instead of doing penance and mortifying myself
during Holy Lent? After all, I am feeling a bit better." Then I heard a
voice in my soul: My
daughter, you please Me more by eating the oranges out of obedience and love of
Me than by fasting and mortifying yourself of your own will. A soul that loves
Me very much must, ought to live by My will. I know your heart, and I know that
it will not be satisfied by anything but My love alone.
1267 September 6, 1937.
Today, I begin a new assignment. I go from the garden to the desert of the
gate. [210]
I went in to talk to the Lord for a while. I asked Him for a blessing and for
graces to faithfully carry out the duties entrusted to me. I heard these words:
My daughter, I am always
with you. I have given you the opportunity to practice deeds of mercy which you
will perform according to obedience. You will give Me much pleasure if, each
evening, you will speak to Me especially about this task. I
felt that Jesus had given me a new grace in relation to my new duties; but,
despite this, I have locked myself deeper in His Heart.
1312 + Jesus came to
the main entrance today, under the guise of a poor young man. This young man,
emaciated, barefoot and bareheaded, and with his clothes in tatters, was frozen
because the day was cold and rainy. He asked for something hot to eat. So I
went to the kitchen, but found nothing there for the poor. But, after searching
around for some time, I succeeded in finding some soup, which I reheated and
into which I crumbled some bread, and I gave it to the poor young man, who ate
it. As I was taking the bowl from him, he gave me to know that He was the Lord
of heaven and earth. When I saw Him as He was, He vanished from my sight. When
I went back in and reflected on what had happened at the gate, I heard these
words in my soul: My
daughter, the blessings of the poor who bless Me as they leave this gate have
reached My ears. And your compassion, within the bounds of obedience, has
pleased Me, and this is why I came down from My throne-to taste the fruits of
your mercy.
1374 October 30, 1937.
Today, during the religious ceremonies [217] taking
place during Mass, and the second day of thanksgiving, I saw the Lord Jesus in
great beauty, and He said to me,
My daughter, I have not released you from taking action. I
answered, "Lord, my hand is too feeble for such work." Yes, I know; but joined with My right
hand you will accomplish everything. Nevertheless, be obedient, be obedient to
the confessors. I will give them light on how to direct you.
"Lord, I already wanted to begin the work in Your Name, but Father S.
keeps putting it off." Jesus answered me, I know this; so do just what is within your power, but you
must never withdraw your efforts.
1378 I felt worse
today, and I went to Mother Superior, intending to ask her for permission to go
to bed. However, before I could ask for permission, Mother Superior said to me,
"Sister, you must somehow manage by yourself at the gate, because I am
taking the girl to work at the cabbage, since there is no one else for the
cabbage." I said-good, and left the room. When I got to the gate, I felt
unusually strong, and I was at my post all day and felt well. I experienced the
power of holy obedience.
(Diary of Sister Faustina Kowalska
Notebook-I-24, 28, 102, 105-106, 113, 257, 362)
(Diary of Sister Faustina Kowalska
Notebook-I-365, 376, 381
(Diary
of Sister Faustina Kowalska Notebook-III-1006, 1023)
(Diary
of Sister Faustina Kowalska Notebook-IV-1267)
(Diary
of Sister Faustina Kowalska Notebook-V-1312, 1374, 1378)
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