Identity Confusion
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January 27, 2020. Monday of the
Third Week in Ordinary Time
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Mark 3:22-30
The scribes who had come from Jerusalem said
of Jesus, “He is possessed by Beelzebul,” and “By the prince of demons he
drives out demons.” Summoning them, he began to speak to them in parables,
"How can Satan drive out Satan? If a kingdom is divided against itself,
that kingdom cannot stand. And if a house is divided against itself, that
house will not be able to stand. And if Satan has risen up against himself
and is divided, he cannot stand; that is the end of him. But no one can enter
a strong man’s house to plunder his property unless he first ties up the
strong man. Then he can plunder his house. Amen, I say to you, all sins and
all blasphemies that people utter will be forgiven them. But whoever
blasphemes against the Holy Spirit will never have forgiveness, but is guilty
of an everlasting sin." For they had said, "He has an unclean
spirit."
Introductory Prayer: Lord, I believe that You are the source of
all goodness. I know that Your goodness is both a challenge and a promise. I
trust that Your goodness will envelop me if I allow myself to be found by
You. I love You for wanting to fight the battle against evil for my sake.
Petition: Lord, help me not to be afraid of the battle
against evil.
1. Not Indifferent: With Jesus on earth, another world becomes
evident around us: the world of evil spirits. Jesus has come to take control
of the kingdom. The devils are in a panic and begin to lose ground. Jesus is
a threat to evil. His goodness, truth and holiness are capable of putting the
devils into submission. When Christ takes a stronger hold on my life, things
begin to change. Do I let Christ challenge evil in my heart? In the world
around me?
2. Not One of Them: Jesus brings change. But change is not evil per se. The change that Jesus
brings is good, since he comes to put demons in their place, bringing about
good. This awakening of the good worries the devil. The conquest over evil is
not always done in peace and tranquility. Does the spiritual opposition I
face as I try to overcome evil in my life cause me to hesitate in the fight
or to wish that Jesus and his teachings would not be so demanding? Do I
realize that facing difficulties is a sign of growth in Christian
authenticity? Do I let the goodness of Christ radically define my life? Even
in the face of opposition?
3. Only Good: Think of the joy that people experienced
when Jesus freed them from the power of the Evil One. Think of the joy we
feel after making a good confession, attending a good retreat or progressing
in virtue. Jesus comes into our life to bring the joy of freedom from evil.
He is God’s goodness made flesh. Do I rejoice to have Christ as my friend? Do
I try to listen to his teachings with a willing heart, thankful for the
chance I have to abide in God’s heart by living the life of grace? What an
amazing friend I have! I can trust in his power to lead me along the path of
life.
Conversation with Christ: Christ, I know that You are more powerful
than evil. Help me to face up to evil in my life, encouraged by Your
friendship and strength. In Your name Lord, I will walk with confidence.
Resolution: I will do something to share my faith with
others today.
Excerpts from the DIARY
of Saint Faustina Kowalska
23 Toward the end of the first
year of my novitiate, darkness began to cast its shadow over my soul. I felt
no consolation in prayer; I had to make a great effort to meditate; fear
began to sweep over me. Going deeper into myself, I could find nothing but
great misery. I could also clearly see the great holiness of God. I did not
dare to raise my eyes to Him, but reduced myself to dust under His feet and
begged for mercy. My soul was in this state for almost six months. Our beloved
Mother Directress [Mary Joseph [14]] encouraged me in these difficult moments.
But this suffering became greater and greater.
The second year of the novitiate was approaching. Whenever I recalled that I was to make my vows, my soul shuddered. I did not understand what I was reading; I could not meditate; it seemed to me that my prayer was displeasing to God. It seemed to me that by approaching the Holy Sacraments I was offending God even more. But despite this, my confessor [Father Theodore [15]] did not let me omit one single Holy Communion. God was working very strangely in my soul. I did not understand anything at all of what my confessor was telling me. The simple truths of the faith became incomprehensible to me. My soul was in anguish, unable to find comfort anywhere.
25 During the night, the Mother of
God visited me, holding the Infant Jesus in Her arms. My soul was filled with
joy, and I said, "Mary, my Mother, do You know how terribly I
suffer?" And the Mother of God answered me, I know how much you suffer, but do not be afraid. I share with you
your suffering, and I shall always do so. She smiled warmly and
disappeared. At once, strength and a great courage sprang up anew in my soul;
but that lasted only one day. It seemed as though hell had conspired against
me. A terrible hatred began to break out in my soul, a hatred for all that is
holy and divine. It seemed to me that these spiritual torments would be my
lot for the rest of my life. I turned to the Blessed Sacrament and said to
Jesus, "Jesus, my Spouse, do You not see that my soul is dying because
of its longing for You? How can You hide Yourself from a heart that loves You
so sincerely? Forgive me, Jesus; may Your holy will be done in me. I will
suffer silently like a dove, without complaining. I will not allow my heart
even one single cry of sorrowful complaint."
Darkness and Temptations
77 My mind became dimmed in a strange way; no truth seemed clear to me. When people spoke to me about God, my heart was like a rock. I could not draw from it a single sentiment of love for Him. When I tried, by an act of the will, to remain close to Him, I experienced great torments, and it seemed to me that I was only provoking God to an even greater anger. It was absolutely impossible for me to meditate as I had been accustomed to do in the past. I felt in my soul a great void, and there was nothing with which I could fill it. I began to suffer from a great hunger and yearning for God, but I saw my utter powerlessness. I tried to read slowly, sentence by sentence, and to meditate in this way, but this also was of no avail. I understood nothing of what I had read. The abyss of my misery was constantly before my eyes. Every time I entered the chapel for some spiritual exercise, I experienced even worse torments and temptations. More than once, all through Holy Mass, I had to struggle against blasphemous thoughts which were forcing themselves to my lips. I felt an aversion for the Holy Sacraments, and it seemed to me that I was not profiting from them in any way. It was only out of obedience to my confessor that I frequented them, and this blind obedience was for me the only path I could follow and my very last hope of survival. The priest explained to me that these were trials sent by God and that, in the situation I was in, not only was I not offending God, but I was most pleasing to Him. "This is a sign," he told me, "that God loves you very much and that He has great confidence in you, since He is sending you such trials." But these words brought me no comfort; it seemed to me that they did not apply to me at all. One thing did surprise me: it often happened that, at the time when I was suffering greatly, these terrible torments would disappear suddenly just as I was approaching the confessional; but as soon as I had left the confessional, all these torments would again seize me with even greater ferocity. I would then fall on my face before the Blessed Sacrament repeating these words: "Even if You kill me, still will I trust in You!" [cf. Job 13:15] It seemed to me that I would die in these agonies. But the most terrible thought for me was the conviction that I had been rejected by God. Then other thoughts came to me: why strive to acquire virtues and do good works? why mortify and annihilate yourself? what good is it to take vows? to pray? to sacrifice and immolate yourself? why sacrifice myself all the time? what good is it - if I am already rejected by God? why all these efforts? And here, God alone knew what was going on in my heart.
78 Once when I was being crushed
by these dreadful sufferings, I went into the chapel and said from the bottom
of my soul, "Do what You will with me, O Jesus; I will adore You in
everything. May Your will be done in me, O my Lord and my God, and I will
praise Your infinite mercy." Through this act of submission, these
terrible torments left me. Suddenly I saw Jesus, who said to me, I am
always in your heart. An inconceivable joy entered my soul, and a great
love of God set my heart aflame. I see that God never tries us beyond what we
are able to suffer. Oh, I fear nothing; if God sends such great suffering to
a soul, He upholds it with an even greater grace, although we are not aware
of it. One act of trust at such moments gives greater glory to God than whole
hours passed in prayer filled with consolations. Now I see that if God wants
to keep a soul in darkness, no book, no confessor can bring it light.
79 O Mary, my Mother and my Lady,
I offer You my soul, my body, my life and my death, and all that will Follow
it. I place everything in Your hands. O my Mother, cover my soul with Your
virginal mantle and grant me the grace of purity of heart, soul and body.
Defend me with Your power against all enemies, and especially against those
who hide their malice behind the mask of virtue. O lovely lily! You are for
me a mirror, O my Mother!
80 O Jesus, Divine Prisoner of
Love, when I consider Your love and how You emptied Yourself for me, my
senses fail me. You hide Your inconceivable majesty and lower Yourself to
miserable me. O King of Glory, though You hide Your beauty, yet the eye of my
soul rends the veil. I see the angelic choirs giving You honor without cease,
and all the heavenly Powers praising You without cease, and without cease
they are saying: Holy, Holy, Holy.
Oh, who will comprehend Your love and Your unfathomable mercy toward us! O Prisoner of Love, I lock up my poor heart in this tabernacle, that it may adore You without cease night and day. I know of no obstacle in this adoration, and even though I be physically distant, my heart is always with You. Nothing can put a stop to my love for You. No obstacles exist for me. O my Jesus, I will console You for all the ingratitude, the blasphemies, the coldness, the hatred of the wicked, the sacrileges. O Jesus, I want to burn as 'a pure offering and to be consumed before the throne of Your hiddenness. I plead with You unceasingly for poor dying sinners.
81 O Holy Trinity, One and
Indivisible God, may You be blessed for this great gift and testament of
mercy. My Jesus, to atone for blasphemers I will keep silent when unjustly
reprimanded and in this way make partial amends to You. I am singing within
my soul an unending hymn to You, and no one will suspect or understand this.
The song of my soul is known to You alone, O my Creator and Lord!
82 I will not allow myself to be
so absorbed in the whirlwind of work as to forget about God. I will spend all
my free moments at the feet of the Master hidden in the Blessed Sacrament. He
has been tutoring me from my most tender years.
83 Write this: before I come as
the just Judge, I am coming first as the King of Mercy. Before the day of
justice arrives, there will be given to people a sign in the heavens of this
sort: All light in the heavens will be extinguished, and there will be great
darkness over the whole earth. Then the sign of the cross will be seen in the
sky, and from the openings where the hands and the feet of the Savior were
nailed will come forth great lights which will light up the earth for a
period of time. This will take place shortly before the last day.
84 O Blood and Water, which gushed
forth from the Heart of Jesus as a fount of mercy for us, I trust in You!
96 +Trials sent by God to a soul
which is particularly loved by Him.
Temptations and darkness; Satan. The soul's love [for God] is still not such as God would have it. The soul suddenly loses the tangible perception of God's presence. Various defects and imperfections rise up within it, and it must fight them furiously. All her faults lift up their heads, but the soul's vigilance is great. The former awareness of the presence of God gives place to coldness and spiritual dryness; the soul has no taste for spiritual exercises; it cannot pray, either in the old way, or in the manner in which it had just begun to pray. It struggles this way and that, but can find no satisfaction. God has hidden himself from it, and it can find no consolation in creatures, nor can any of these creatures find a way of consoling it. The soul craves passionately for God, but sees its own misery; it begins to sense God's justice; it seems to it that it has lost all the gifts that God had given it; its mind is dimmed, and darkness fills it; unspeakable torment begins. The soul tries to explain its state to the confessor, but it is not understood and is assailed by an even greater unrest. Satan begins his work.
97 Faith staggers under the
impact; the struggle is fierce. The soul tries hard to cling to God by an act
of will. With God's permission, Satan goes even further: hope and love are
put to the test. These temptations are terrible. God supports the soul in
secret, so to speak. The soul is not aware of this, but otherwise it would be
impossible to stand firm; and God knows very well how much He can allow to
befall a soul. The soul is tempted to unbelief in respect to revealed truths
and to insincerity toward the confessor. Satan says to it, "Look, no one
understands you; why speak about all this?" Words that terrify it sound
in its ears, and it seems to the soul that it is uttering these against God.
It sees what it does not want to see. It hears what it does not want to hear.
And, oh, it is a terrible thing at times like these not to have an
experienced confessor! The soul carries the whole burden alone. However, one
should make every effort to find, if it is at all possible, a well-informed
confessor, for the soul can collapse under the burden and come to the very
edge of the precipice. All these trials are heavy and difficult. God does not
send them to a soul which has not already been admitted to a deeper intimacy
with Him and which has not yet tasted the divine delights. Besides, in this
God has His own plans, which for us are impenetrable. God often prepares a
soul in this way for His future designs and great works. He wants to try it
as pure gold is tried. But this is not yet the end of the testing; there is
still the trial of trials, the complete abandonment of the soul by God.
+ The Trial of Trials, Complete
Abandonment - Despair
98 When the soul comes out victorious from the preceding trials, even though it may stumble here and there, it fights on valiantly, humbly calling upon God, "Save me, I am perishing!" And it is still able to fight on. At this point, however, the soul is engulfed in a horrible night. It sees within itself only sin. It feels terrible. It sees itself completely abandoned by God. It feels itself to be the object of His hatred. It is but one step away from despair. The soul does its best to defend itself; it tries to stir up its confidence; but prayer is an even greater torment for it, as this prayer seems to arouse God to an even greater anger. The soul finds itself poised on the summit of a lofty mountain on the very brink of a precipice. The soul is drawn to God, but feels repulsed. All other sufferings and tortures in the world are as nothing compared with this sensation into which it has been plunged; namely, that of being rejected by God. No one can bring it any relief; it finds itself completely alone; there is no one to defend it. It raises its eyes to heaven, but is convinced that this is not for her-for her all is lost. It falls deeper and deeper from darkness to darkness, and it seems to it that it has lost forever the God it used to love so dearly. This thought is torture beyond all description. But the soul does not agree to it and tries to lift its gaze toward heaven, but in vain! And this makes the torture even more intense. If God wishes to keep the soul in such darkness, no one will be able to give it light. It experiences rejection by God in a vivid and terrifying manner. From its heart burst forth painful moans, so painful that no priest will comprehend it, unless he himself has been through these trials. In the midst of this, the evil spirit adds to the soul's suffering, mocking it: "Will you persist in your faithfulness? This is your reward; you are in our power!" But Satan has only as much influence over the soul as God allows him, and God knows how much we can bear. "What have you gotten out of your mortifications," says Satan, "and out of your fidelity to the rule? What use are all these efforts? You have been rejected by God!" This word, rejected, becomes a fire which penetrates every nerve to the marrow of the bone. It pierces right through her entire being. The ordeal reaches its climax. The soul no longer looks for help anywhere. It shrinks into itself and loses sight of everything; it is as though it has accepted the torture of being abandoned. This is a moment for which I have no words. This is the agony of the soul.
99 When for the first time this
moment was drawing near, I was snatched from it by virtue of holy obedience.
The Directress of Novices, alarmed by my appearance, sent me off to
confession, but the confessor did not understand me, and I experienced no
relief whatsoever. O Jesus, give us experienced priests!
When I told this priest I was undergoing infernal tortures, he answered that he was not worried about my soul, because he saw in it a great grace of God. But I understood nothing of this, and not even the least glimmer of light broke through to my soul.
100 Then my physical strength
began to fail me, and I could no longer carry out my duties. Nor could I any
longer hide my sufferings. Although I did not say a word about them, the look
of pain on my face betrayed me. The Superior told me that the sisters had
come to her saying that, when they look at me in the chapel, they are moved
to pity because I look so terrible. Yet, despite all efforts, the soul is
unable to conceal such suffering.
129 Satan always takes advantage
of such moments; thoughts of discouragement began to rise to the surface-for
your faithfulness and sincerity-this is your reward. How can one be sincere
when one is so misunderstood? Jesus, Jesus, I cannot go on any longer. Again
I fell to the ground under this weight, and I broke out in a sweat, and fear
began to overcome me. I had no one to lean on interiorly. Suddenly I heard a
voice within my soul, Do not fear; I am with you. And an unusual light
illumined my mind, and I understood that I should not give in to such
sorrows. I was filled with a certain strength and left my cell with new
courage to suffer.
1084 Before every major grace, my
soul undergoes a test of patience, for I feel the grace, but do not yet
possess it. My spirit burns with impatience, but the hour has not yet come.
These moments are so very extraordinary that it is difficult to describe
them.
1465 Taking the form of an
apparition he said," Do not pray for sinners, but for yourself, for you
will be damned." Paying no attention to Satan, I continued to pray with
redoubled fervor for sinners. The Evil Spirit howled with fury, "Oh, if
I had power over you!" and disappeared. I saw that my suffering and
prayer shackled Satan and snatched many souls from his clutches.
1491 + The Lord visited me today
and said, My daughter, do not be afraid of what will happen to you. I will
give you nothing beyond your strength. You know the power of My grace; let
that be enough. After these words, the Lord gave me a deeper
understanding of the action of His grace.
1497 When I went, in my thoughts,
to the chapel, my spirit was plunged into even greater darkness. Total
discouragement came over me. Then I heard Satan's voice: "See how
contradictory everything is that Jesus gives to you: He tells you to found a
convent, and then He gives you sickness; He tells you to set about
establishing this Feast of Mercy while the whole world does not at all want
such a feast. Why do you pray for this feast? It is so inopportune." My
soul remained silent and, by an act of will, continued to pray without
entering into conversation with the Spirit of Darkness. Nevertheless, such an
extraordinary disgust with life came over me that I had to make a great act
of the will to consent to go on living...
And again I heard the tempter's words: "Ask for death for yourself, tomorrow after Holy Communion. God will hear you, for He has heard you so many times before and has given you what you asked for." I remained silent and, by an act of will, I began to pray, or rather, submitted myself to God, asking Him interiorly not to abandon me at this moment. It was already eleven o'clock at night, and there was silence all around. The sisters were all asleep in their cells, and my soul alone was struggling with great exertion. The tempter went on: "Why should you bother about other souls? You ought to be praying only for yourself. As for sinners, they will be converted without your prayers. I see that you are suffering very much at this moment. I'm going to give you a piece of advice on which your happiness will depend: never speak about God's mercy and, in particular, do not encourage sinners to trust in God's mercy, because they deserve a just punishment. Another very important thing: do not tell your confessors, and especially this extraordinary confessor and the priest in Vilnius, about what goes on in your soul. I know them; I know who they are, and so I want to put you on your guard against them. You see, to live as a good nun, it is sufficient to live like all the others. Why expose yourself to so many difficulties?" 1498 I remained silent, and by an act of will I dwelt in God, although a moan escaped from my heart. Finally, the tempter went away and I, exhausted, fell asleep immediately. In the morning, right after receiving Holy Communion, I went immediately to my cell and falling on my knees I renewed my act of submission in all things to the will of God. "Jesus, I ask You, give me the strength for battle. Let it be done to me according to Your most holy will. My soul is enamored of Your most holy will." 1499 At that moment, I saw Jesus, who said, I am pleased with what you are doing. And you can continue to be at peace if you always do the best you can in respect to this work of mercy. Be absolutely as frank as possible with your confessor. Satan gained nothing by tempting you, because you did not enter into conversation with him. Continue to act in this way. You gave Me great glory today by fighting so faithfully. Let it be confirmed and engraved on your heart that I am always with you, even if you don't feel My presence at the time of battle. 1500 Today, the love of God is transporting me into the other world. I am all immersed in love; I love and feel that I am loved, and with full consciousness I experience this. My soul is drowning in the Lord, realizing the great Majesty of God and its own littleness; but through this knowledge my happiness increases... This awareness is so vivid in the soul, so powerful and, at the same time, so sweet.
1560 February 3, [1938]. Today
after Holy Communion, Jesus again gave me a few directives: First, do not
fight against a temptation by yourself, but disclose it to the confessor at
once, and then the temptation will lose all its force. Second, during these
ordeals do not lose your peace; live in My presence; ask My Mother and the
Saints for help. Third, have the certitude that I am looking at you and
supporting you. Fourth, do not fear either struggles of the soul or any
temptations, because I am supporting you; if only you are willing to fight,
know that the victory is always on your side. Fifth, know that by fighting
bravely you give Me great glory and amass merits for yourself. Temptation
gives you a chance to show Me your fidelity.
1576 Know, My daughter, that
between Me and you there is a bottomless abyss, an abyss which separates the
Creator from the creature. But this abyss is filled with My mercy. I raise
you up to Myself, not that I have need of you, but it is solely out of mercy
that I grant you the grace of union with Myself.
1577 Tell souls not to place within their own hearts obstacles to My mercy, which so greatly wants to act within them. My mercy works in all those hearts which open their doors to it. Both the sinner and the righteous person have need of My mercy. Conversion, as well as perseverance, is a grace of My mercy. 1578 Let souls who are striving for perfection particularly adore My mercy, because the abundance of graces which I grant them flows from My mercy. I desire that these souls distinguish themselves by boundless trust in My mercy. I myself will attend to the sanctification of such souls. I will provide them with everything they will need to attain sanctity. The graces of My mercy are drawn by means of one vessel only, and that is-trust. The more a soul trusts, the more it will receive. Souls that trust boundlessly are a great comfort to Me, because I pour all the treasures of My graces into them. I rejoice that they ask for much, because it is My desire to give much, very much. On the other hand, I am sad when souls ask for little, when they narrow their hearts. 1579 + It is when I meet with hypocrisy that I suffer most. Now I understand You, my Savior, for rebuking the Pharisees so severely for their hypocrisy. You associated more graciously with hardened sinners when they approached You contritely.
1583 As I write this, I hear Satan
grinding his teeth. He cannot stand God's mercy, and keeps banging things in
my cell. But I feel so much of God's power within me that it does not even
bother me that the enemy of our salvation gets angry, and I quietly keep on
writing.
1584 O inconceivable goodness of God, which shields us at every step, may Your mercy be praised without cease. That You became a brother to humans, not to angels, is a miracle of the unfathomable mystery of Your mercy. All our trust is in You, our first-born Brother, Jesus Christ, true God and true Man. My heart flutters with joy to see how good God is to us wretched and ungrateful people. And as a proof of His love, He gives us the incomprehensible gift of Himself in the person of His Son. Throughout all eternity we shall never exhaust that mystery of love. O mankind, why do you think so little about God being truly among us? O Lamb of God, I do not know what to admire in You first: Your gentleness, Your hidden life, the emptying of Yourself for the sake of man, or the constant miracle of Your mercy, which transforms souls and raises them up to eternal life. Although You are hidden in this way, Your omnipotence is more manifest here than in the creation of man. Though the omnipotence of Your mercy is at work in the justification of the sinner, yet Your action is gentle and hidden. 1585 A vision of the Mother of God. In the midst of a great brilliance, I saw the Mother of God clothed in a white gown, girt about with a golden cincture; and there were tiny stars, also of gold, over the whole garment, and chevron-shaped sleeves lined with gold. Her cloak was sky-blue, lightly thrown over the shoulders. A transparent veil was delicately drawn over her head, while her flowing hair was set off beautifully by a golden crown which terminated in little crosses. On Her left arm She held the Child Jesus. A Blessed Mother of this type I had not yet seen. Then She looked at me kindly and said: I am the Mother of God of Priests. 235 At that, She lowered Jesus from Her arm to the ground, raised Her right hand heavenward and said: O God, bless Poland, bless priests. Then She addressed me once again: Tell the priests what you have seen. I resolved that at the first opportunity [I would have] of seeing Father [Andrasz] I would tell; but I myself can make nothing of this vision.
(Diary
of Sister Faustina Kowalska Notebook-I-23, 25, 77-84, 96-100, 129)
(Diary
of Sister Faustina Kowalska Notebook-III-1084)
(Diary
of Sister Faustina Kowalska Notebook-V-1465, 1491, 1497-1500, 1560)
(Diary of Sister Faustina
Kowalska Notebook-V-1576-1579, 1583-1585)
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