Fathoming Christ’s Mercy
Thursday of the Thirteenth Week in Ordinary Time
Matthew 9:1-8
After entering a boat, Jesus made the crossing, and came into his own
town. And there people brought to him a paralytic lying on a stretcher. When
Jesus saw their faith, he said to the paralytic, "Courage, child, your
sins are forgiven." At that, some of the scribes said to themselves,
"This man is blaspheming." Jesus knew what they were thinking, and
said, "Why do you harbor evil thoughts? Which is easier, to say, ´Your
sins are forgiven,´ or to say, ´Rise and walk´? But that you may know that the
Son of Man has authority on earth to forgive sins" -- he then said to the
paralytic, "Rise, pick up your stretcher, and go home." He rose and
went home. When the crowds saw this they were struck with awe and glorified God
who had given such authority to men.
Introductory Prayer: Lord, I come to you in this
meditation ready to do whatever it is You ask. Left to myself I often take the
easy and convenient path, yet I know the way of a Christian is through the
narrow gate. In You I find the reason to abandon the easy path for a more
perfect mission of love. I’m ready to learn the meaning of Your command:
“Follow me.”
Petition: Lord, grant me a deeper experience of your
mercy .
1. Crippled by Control: For St.
Jerome, physical paralysis is an image of man’s inability to return to God by
his own efforts. It is man’s inability to create his own salvation, to set the
terms by which he can say he has made peace with God. The paralysis is meant to
speak more to the Pharisees about their souls than to the cripple who bears it.
Christ saw stagnation in the Pharisees’ hearts. They wanted to put God in a
box, where their relationship with him could neatly accommodate their status
and comforts. We, like the Pharisees, like our routine. We like to coast in our
spiritual life and dislike having to adjust to God’s asking for more faith,
trust or charity. For saintly souls, Christ is ever new; they are always being
asked for more, and new experiences of Christ fill them as a result. Their love
never goes stale since they refuse to control what God can do with them.
2. The Only Real Problem Is Sin: The
paralytic and his companions arrive concerned only about his physical
condition. This is not, however, what is first on Christ’s priority list. What
is first, r ather, is the man’s state of soul. For God the problem of life is
not about problems . Problems are merely the pretexts he sends us to heal and
develop our relationship with him : “Your sins are forgiven.” The problem of
life is all about holiness and about removing the chief obstacle to holiness:
sin. Deep down, the only things that can hurt us are the obstacles of sin and
an egoistic lifestyle.
3. Awaiting God’s Replies : The pause
between “ Courage, child, your sins are forgiven you” and the cure of the
paralysis initially may have caused disappointment in those unfamiliar with
Christ’s way of working. In that wait our response to God comes, and our part
in the plan of salvation is played out. Instant gratification of a child’s
wants spoils the meaning of his parents’ gift of loving support. To arrive to
Christian maturity, we must form the virtues of faith and trust . Seeking cures
must be sought more as part of God’s will than as our own self-centered relief
effort . This takes time. Yet even in that pause, in the dark night of faith,
something is happening. While miracles are on the way, we are being changed.
The command to rise seems only to confirm or make visible something that has
already occurred in the paralytic’s soul: through faith and trust, Christ reign
s over his soul .
Conversation with Christ: Lord, I
know that in You alone I shall rise, because only You can conquer sin in me.
For my part, like St. Paul, I have sought to fight the good fight, strengthened
by Your grace and mercy. Help me to accept every difficulty as a new chance to
purify my heart and sanctify my soul.
Resolution: Today I will remember to avoid rash and
judgmental thoughts of others. As I do so I will keep in my heart the merciful
dispositions of Christ’s heart.
Excerpts from the DIARY of Saint Faustina Kowalska
50 + I
desire that priests proclaim this great mercy of Mine towards souls of sinners.
Let the sinner not be afraid to approach Me. The flames of mercy are burning Me
- clamoring to be spent; I want to pour them out upon these souls.
Jesus complained to me in these words, Distrust on the part of souls is tearing at My insides. The distrust of a chosen soul causes Me even greater pain; despite My inexhaustible love for them they do not trust Me. Even My death is not enough for them. Woe to the soul that abuses these [gifts].
Jesus complained to me in these words, Distrust on the part of souls is tearing at My insides. The distrust of a chosen soul causes Me even greater pain; despite My inexhaustible love for them they do not trust Me. Even My death is not enough for them. Woe to the soul that abuses these [gifts].
97 Faith
staggers under the impact; the struggle is fierce. The soul tries hard to cling
to God by an act of will. With God's permission, Satan goes even further: hope
and love are put to the test. These temptations are terrible. God supports the
soul in secret, so to speak. The soul is not aware of this, but otherwise it
would be impossible to stand firm; and God knows very well how much He can
allow to befall a soul. The soul is tempted to unbelief in respect to revealed
truths and to insincerity toward the confessor. Satan says to it, "Look,
no one understands you; why speak about all this?" Words that terrify it
sound in its ears, and it seems to the soul that it is uttering these against
God. It sees what it does not want to see. It hears what it does not want to
hear. And, oh, it is a terrible thing at times like these not to have an
experienced confessor! The soul carries the whole burden alone. However, one
should make every effort to find, if it is at all possible, a well-informed
confessor, for the soul can collapse under the burden and come to the very edge
of the precipice. All these trials are heavy and difficult. God does not send
them to a soul which has not already been admitted to a deeper intimacy with
Him and which has not yet tasted the divine delights. Besides, in this God has
His own plans, which for us are impenetrable. God often prepares a soul in this
way for His future designs and great works. He wants to try it as pure gold is
tried. But this is not yet the end of the testing; there is still the trial of
trials, the complete abandonment of the soul by God.
+ The
Trial of Trials, Complete Abandonment - Despair
98 When the soul comes out victorious from the preceding trials, even though it may stumble here and there, it fights on valiantly, humbly calling upon God, "Save me, I am perishing!" And it is still able to fight on.
At this point, however, the soul is engulfed in a horrible night. It sees within itself only sin. It feels terrible. It sees itself completely abandoned by God. It feels itself to be the object of His hatred. It is but one step away from despair. The soul does its best to defend itself; it tries to stir up its confidence; but prayer is an even greater torment for it, as this prayer seems to arouse God to an even greater anger. The soul finds itself poised on the summit of a lofty mountain on the very brink of a precipice.
The soul is drawn to God, but feels repulsed. All other sufferings and tortures in the world are as nothing compared with this sensation into which it has been plunged; namely, that of being rejected by God. No one can bring it any relief; it finds itself completely alone; there is no one to defend it. It raises its eyes to heaven, but is convinced that this is not for her-for her all is lost. It falls deeper and deeper from darkness to darkness, and it seems to it that it has lost forever the God it used to love so dearly. This thought is torture beyond all description. But the soul does not agree to it and tries to lift its gaze toward heaven, but in vain! And this makes the torture even more intense.
If God wishes to keep the soul in such darkness, no one will be able to give it light. It experiences rejection by God in a vivid and terrifying manner. From its heart burst forth painful moans, so painful that no priest will comprehend it, unless he himself has been through these trials. In the midst of this, the evil spirit adds to the soul's suffering, mocking it: "Will you persist in your faithfulness? This is your reward; you are in our power!" But Satan has only as much influence over the soul as God allows him, and God knows how much we can bear. "What have you gotten out of your mortifications," says Satan, "and out of your fidelity to the rule? What use are all these efforts? You have been rejected by God!" This word, rejected, becomes a fire which penetrates every nerve to the marrow of the bone. It pierces right through her entire being. The ordeal reaches its climax. The soul no longer looks for help anywhere. It shrinks into itself and loses sight of everything; it is as though it has accepted the torture of being abandoned. This is a moment for which I have no words. This is the agony of the soul.
98 When the soul comes out victorious from the preceding trials, even though it may stumble here and there, it fights on valiantly, humbly calling upon God, "Save me, I am perishing!" And it is still able to fight on.
At this point, however, the soul is engulfed in a horrible night. It sees within itself only sin. It feels terrible. It sees itself completely abandoned by God. It feels itself to be the object of His hatred. It is but one step away from despair. The soul does its best to defend itself; it tries to stir up its confidence; but prayer is an even greater torment for it, as this prayer seems to arouse God to an even greater anger. The soul finds itself poised on the summit of a lofty mountain on the very brink of a precipice.
The soul is drawn to God, but feels repulsed. All other sufferings and tortures in the world are as nothing compared with this sensation into which it has been plunged; namely, that of being rejected by God. No one can bring it any relief; it finds itself completely alone; there is no one to defend it. It raises its eyes to heaven, but is convinced that this is not for her-for her all is lost. It falls deeper and deeper from darkness to darkness, and it seems to it that it has lost forever the God it used to love so dearly. This thought is torture beyond all description. But the soul does not agree to it and tries to lift its gaze toward heaven, but in vain! And this makes the torture even more intense.
If God wishes to keep the soul in such darkness, no one will be able to give it light. It experiences rejection by God in a vivid and terrifying manner. From its heart burst forth painful moans, so painful that no priest will comprehend it, unless he himself has been through these trials. In the midst of this, the evil spirit adds to the soul's suffering, mocking it: "Will you persist in your faithfulness? This is your reward; you are in our power!" But Satan has only as much influence over the soul as God allows him, and God knows how much we can bear. "What have you gotten out of your mortifications," says Satan, "and out of your fidelity to the rule? What use are all these efforts? You have been rejected by God!" This word, rejected, becomes a fire which penetrates every nerve to the marrow of the bone. It pierces right through her entire being. The ordeal reaches its climax. The soul no longer looks for help anywhere. It shrinks into itself and loses sight of everything; it is as though it has accepted the torture of being abandoned. This is a moment for which I have no words. This is the agony of the soul.
106
Though these are frightening things, the soul should not be too fearful,
because God will never test us beyond what we are able to bear. On the other
hand, He may never send us such sufferings, but I write this because, if it
pleases the Lord to let a soul pass through such sufferings, it should not be
afraid but, insofar as this depends on the soul itself, it should remain
faithful to God. God will do a soul no harm, because He is Love itself, and in
this unfathomable love has called it into being. However, when I was so
tormented, I myself did not understand this.
107 O my
God, I have come to know that I am not of this earth; You, O Lord, have poured
this profound awareness into my soul. My communion is more with heaven than
with earth, though I in no way neglect my duties.
111
When, in the midst of these interior torments, I tried to accuse myself in
confession of the smallest trifles, the priest was surprised that I had not
committed graver faults, and he said to me, "If you are as faithful as
this to God during these sufferings, this in itself is evidence to me that God
is sustaining you, Sister, with a special grace, and it is a good thing that
you do not understand this." It is a strange thing, nevertheless, that
confessors could neither understand me nor set my mind at peace concerning
these matters, until I met Father Andrasz and, later on, Father Sopocko.
115 +
When a soul has come out of these tribulations, it is deeply humble. Its purity
of soul is great. It knows better without need of reflecting, as it were, what
it ought to do at a given moment and what to forbear. It feels the lightest
touch of grace and is very faithful to God. It recognizes God from afar and
continuously rejoices in Him. It discovers God very quickly in other souls and
in its environment in general. The soul has been purified by God himself. God,
as Pure Spirit, introduces the soul to a life which is purely spiritual. God
himself has first prepared and purified the soul; that is, He has made it
capable of close communion with himself. The soul, in a state of loving repose,
communes spiritually with the Lord. It speaks to God without the need of
expressing itself through the senses. God fills it with His light.
The enlightened mind sees clearly and distinguishes the various degrees of the spiritual life. It recognizes [that state] when its union with God was imperfect: where the senses were involved, and the spirit was linked with the senses in a manner-exalted and special, to be sure but not yet perfect. There is a higher and more perfect union with God; namely, intellectual union. Here, the soul is safer from illusions; its spirituality is purer and more profound. In a life where the senses are involved, there is more danger of illusion. Both for the soul and for its confessor, prudence must play a greater part. There are moments when God introduces the soul to a purely spiritual state. The senses dim and are seemingly dead. The soul is most closely united to God; it is immersed in the Deity; its knowledge is complete and perfect, not sporadic as before, but total and absolute. It rejoices in this. But I want to say more about those moments of trial; at those times the confessor must have patience with such a soul. But the soul must have even greater patience with itself.
The enlightened mind sees clearly and distinguishes the various degrees of the spiritual life. It recognizes [that state] when its union with God was imperfect: where the senses were involved, and the spirit was linked with the senses in a manner-exalted and special, to be sure but not yet perfect. There is a higher and more perfect union with God; namely, intellectual union. Here, the soul is safer from illusions; its spirituality is purer and more profound. In a life where the senses are involved, there is more danger of illusion. Both for the soul and for its confessor, prudence must play a greater part. There are moments when God introduces the soul to a purely spiritual state. The senses dim and are seemingly dead. The soul is most closely united to God; it is immersed in the Deity; its knowledge is complete and perfect, not sporadic as before, but total and absolute. It rejoices in this. But I want to say more about those moments of trial; at those times the confessor must have patience with such a soul. But the soul must have even greater patience with itself.
129
Satan always takes advantage of such moments; thoughts of discouragement began
to rise to the surface-for your faithfulness and sincerity-this is your reward.
How can one be sincere when one is so misunderstood? Jesus, Jesus, I cannot go
on any longer. Again I fell to the ground under this weight, and I broke out in
a sweat, and fear began to overcome me. I had no one to lean on interiorly.
Suddenly I heard a voice within my soul, Do not fear; I am with you. And
an unusual light illumined my mind, and I understood that I should not give in
to such sorrows. I was filled with a certain strength and left my cell with new
courage to suffer.
132 I
must again mention that there are some confessors who seem to be true spiritual
fathers, but only as long as things go well. When the soul finds itself in
greater need, they become perplexed, and either cannot or will not understand
the soul. They try to get rid of the person as soon as possible. But if the
soul is humble, it will always profit in some little way or other. God himself
will sometimes cast a shaft of light into the depths of the soul, because of
its humility and faith. The confessor will sometimes say something he had never
intended to say, without even realizing it himself. Oh, let the soul believe
that such words are the words of the Lord himself! Though indeed we ought to
believe that every word spoken in the confessional is God's, what I have
referred to above is something that comes directly from God. And the soul
perceives that the priest is not master of himself, that he is saying things
that he would rather not say. This is how God rewards faith.
I have experienced this many times myself. A certain very learned and respected priest [probably Father Wilkowski, the sisters' confessor at Plock], to whom I sometimes happened to go to confession, was always severe and opposed to these matters [which I brought up to him]. But on one occasion he replied to me, "Bear in mind, Sister, that if God is asking this of you, you should not oppose Him. God sometimes wants to be praised in just this way. Be at peace; what God has started, He will finish. But I say this to you: faithfulness to God and humility. And once again: humility. Bear well in mind what I have told you today." I was delighted, and I thought that perhaps this priest had understood me. But it so turned out that I never went to confession to him again.
I have experienced this many times myself. A certain very learned and respected priest [probably Father Wilkowski, the sisters' confessor at Plock], to whom I sometimes happened to go to confession, was always severe and opposed to these matters [which I brought up to him]. But on one occasion he replied to me, "Bear in mind, Sister, that if God is asking this of you, you should not oppose Him. God sometimes wants to be praised in just this way. Be at peace; what God has started, He will finish. But I say this to you: faithfulness to God and humility. And once again: humility. Bear well in mind what I have told you today." I was delighted, and I thought that perhaps this priest had understood me. But it so turned out that I never went to confession to him again.
136 And
the Lord gave me to know that the whole mystery depended on me, on my free
consent to the sacrifice given with full use of my faculties. In this free and
conscious act lies the whole power and value before His Majesty. Even if none
of these things for which I offered myself would ever happen to me, before the
Lord everything was as though it had already been consummated.
At that moment, I realized I was entering into communion with the incomprehensible Majesty. I felt that God was waiting for my word, for my consent. Then my spirit immersed itself in the Lord, and I said, "Do with me as You please. I subject myself to Your will. As of today, Your holy will shall be my nourishment, and I will be faithful to Your commands with the help of Your grace. Do with me as You please. I beg You, O Lord, be with me at every moment of my life."
At that moment, I realized I was entering into communion with the incomprehensible Majesty. I felt that God was waiting for my word, for my consent. Then my spirit immersed itself in the Lord, and I said, "Do with me as You please. I subject myself to Your will. As of today, Your holy will shall be my nourishment, and I will be faithful to Your commands with the help of Your grace. Do with me as You please. I beg You, O Lord, be with me at every moment of my life."
138 A
great mystery has been accomplished between God and me. Courage and strength
have remained in my soul. When the time of adoration came to an end, I came out
and calmly faced everything I had feared so much before. When I came out into
the corridor, a great suffering and humiliation, at the hands of a certain
person, was awaiting me. I accepted it with submission to a higher will and
snuggled closely to the Most Sacred Heart of Jesus, letting Him know that I was
ready for that for which I had offered myself.
Suffering seemed to spring out of the ground. Even Mother Margaret herself was surprised. For others, many things passed unnoticed, for indeed it wasn't worth paying any attention to them; but in my case, nothing passed unnoticed; each word was analyzed, each step watched. One sister said to me, "Get ready, Sister, to receive a small cross at the hands of Mother Superior. I feel sorry for you." But as for me, I rejoiced at this in the depths of my soul and had been ready for it for a long time. When she saw my courage, she was surprised. I see now that a soul cannot do much of itself, but with God it can do all things. Behold what God's grace can do. Few are the souls that are always watchful for divine graces, and even fewer of such souls who follow those inspirations faithfully.
Suffering seemed to spring out of the ground. Even Mother Margaret herself was surprised. For others, many things passed unnoticed, for indeed it wasn't worth paying any attention to them; but in my case, nothing passed unnoticed; each word was analyzed, each step watched. One sister said to me, "Get ready, Sister, to receive a small cross at the hands of Mother Superior. I feel sorry for you." But as for me, I rejoiced at this in the depths of my soul and had been ready for it for a long time. When she saw my courage, she was surprised. I see now that a soul cannot do much of itself, but with God it can do all things. Behold what God's grace can do. Few are the souls that are always watchful for divine graces, and even fewer of such souls who follow those inspirations faithfully.
139
Still, a soul which is faithful to God cannot confirm its own inspirations; it
must submit them to the control of a very wise and learned priest; and until it
is quite certain, it should remain distrustful. It should not, on its own
initiative alone, put its trust in these inspirations and all other higher
graces, because it can thus expose itself to great losses.
Even though a soul may immediately distinguish between false inspirations and those of God, it should nevertheless be careful, because many things are uncertain. God is pleased and rejoices when a soul distrusts Him for His own sake; because it loves Him, it is prudent and itself asks and searches for help to make certain that it is really God who is acting within it. And once a well-instructed confessor has confirmed this, the soul should be at peace and give itself up to God, according to His directions; that is, according to the directions of the confessor.
Even though a soul may immediately distinguish between false inspirations and those of God, it should nevertheless be careful, because many things are uncertain. God is pleased and rejoices when a soul distrusts Him for His own sake; because it loves Him, it is prudent and itself asks and searches for help to make certain that it is really God who is acting within it. And once a well-instructed confessor has confirmed this, the soul should be at peace and give itself up to God, according to His directions; that is, according to the directions of the confessor.
140 Pure
love is capable of great deeds, and it is not broken by difficulty or
adversity. As it remains strong in the midst of great difficulties, so too it
perseveres in the toilsome and drab life of each day. It knows that only one
thing is needed to please God: to do even the smallest things out of great
love-love, and always love.
Pure love never errs. Its light is strangely plentiful. It will not do anything that might displease God. It is ingenious at doing what is more pleasing to God, and no one will equal it. It is happy when it can empty itself and burn like a pure offering. The more it gives of itself, the happier it is. But also, no one can sense dangers from afar as can love; it knows how to unmask and also knows with whom it has to deal.
Pure love never errs. Its light is strangely plentiful. It will not do anything that might displease God. It is ingenious at doing what is more pleasing to God, and no one will equal it. It is happy when it can empty itself and burn like a pure offering. The more it gives of itself, the happier it is. But also, no one can sense dangers from afar as can love; it knows how to unmask and also knows with whom it has to deal.
145 Oh,
how wretched my soul is for having wasted so many graces! I was running away
from God, and He pursued me with his graces. I most often experienced God's
graces when I least expected them. From the moment He gave me a spiritual
director, I have been more faithful to grace. Thanks to the director and his
watchfulness over my soul, I have learned what guidance means and how Jesus
looks at it. Jesus warned me of the least fault and stressed that He himself
judges the matter that I present to my confessor; and [He told me] that ... any
transgressions against the confessor touch Me myself.
When under his direction my soul began to experience deep recollection and peace, I often heard these words in my soul: Strengthen yourself for combat - repeated over and over at various times.
+Jesus often makes known to me what He does not like in my soul, and He has more than once rebuked me for what seemed to be trifles, but which were, in fact, things of great importance. He has warned me and tried me like a Master. For many years He himself educated me, until the moment when He gave me a spiritual director. Previously, He himself had made clear to me what I did not understand; but now, He tells me to ask my confessor about everything and often says, I will answer you through his mouth. Be at peace. It has never happened to me that I have received an answer which was contrary to what the Lord wanted of me, when I presented it to the spiritual director [Father Sopocko]. It sometimes happens that Jesus first asks certain things of me, about which no one knows anything, and then, when I kneel at the confessional, my confessor gives me the same order-however, this is infrequent.
+When, over a long period of time, a soul has received much light and many inspirations, and when the confessors have confirmed the source of these inspirations and set the soul at peace; if its love is great, Jesus now makes it known that it is time to put into action what it has received. The soul recognizes that God is counting on it, and this knowledge fortifies it. It knows that to be faithful it will often have to face various difficulties, but it trusts in God and, thanks to this trust, it reaches that point to which God is calling it. Difficulties do not terrify it; they are its daily bread, as it were. They do not frighten or terrify the soul, just as a warrior who is constantly in battle is not terrified by the roar of the cannon. Far from being frightened, it listens to determine from which side the enemy is launching his attack, in order to defeat him. It does nothing blindly, but examines and ponders everything deeply and, not counting on itself, it prays fervently and asks advice of other warriors who are experienced and wise. When the soul acts in this way, it nearly always wins.
There are attacks when a soul has no time to think or seek advice; then it must enter into a life-or-death struggle. Sometimes it is good to flee for cover in the wound of the Heart of Jesus, without answering a single word. By this very act the enemy is already defeated.
In time of peace, as well, the soul continues making efforts, just as in time of battle. It must exercise itself, and do so with energy; otherwise it has no chance of attaining victory. I regard the time of peace as a time of preparation for victory. The soul must be ever watchful; watchfulness and again, watchfulness. The soul that reflects receives much light. A distracted soul runs the risk of a fall, and let it not be surprised when it does fall. O Spirit of God, Director of the soul, wise is he whom You have trained! But for the Spirit of God to act in the soul, peace and recollection are needed.
When under his direction my soul began to experience deep recollection and peace, I often heard these words in my soul: Strengthen yourself for combat - repeated over and over at various times.
+Jesus often makes known to me what He does not like in my soul, and He has more than once rebuked me for what seemed to be trifles, but which were, in fact, things of great importance. He has warned me and tried me like a Master. For many years He himself educated me, until the moment when He gave me a spiritual director. Previously, He himself had made clear to me what I did not understand; but now, He tells me to ask my confessor about everything and often says, I will answer you through his mouth. Be at peace. It has never happened to me that I have received an answer which was contrary to what the Lord wanted of me, when I presented it to the spiritual director [Father Sopocko]. It sometimes happens that Jesus first asks certain things of me, about which no one knows anything, and then, when I kneel at the confessional, my confessor gives me the same order-however, this is infrequent.
+When, over a long period of time, a soul has received much light and many inspirations, and when the confessors have confirmed the source of these inspirations and set the soul at peace; if its love is great, Jesus now makes it known that it is time to put into action what it has received. The soul recognizes that God is counting on it, and this knowledge fortifies it. It knows that to be faithful it will often have to face various difficulties, but it trusts in God and, thanks to this trust, it reaches that point to which God is calling it. Difficulties do not terrify it; they are its daily bread, as it were. They do not frighten or terrify the soul, just as a warrior who is constantly in battle is not terrified by the roar of the cannon. Far from being frightened, it listens to determine from which side the enemy is launching his attack, in order to defeat him. It does nothing blindly, but examines and ponders everything deeply and, not counting on itself, it prays fervently and asks advice of other warriors who are experienced and wise. When the soul acts in this way, it nearly always wins.
There are attacks when a soul has no time to think or seek advice; then it must enter into a life-or-death struggle. Sometimes it is good to flee for cover in the wound of the Heart of Jesus, without answering a single word. By this very act the enemy is already defeated.
In time of peace, as well, the soul continues making efforts, just as in time of battle. It must exercise itself, and do so with energy; otherwise it has no chance of attaining victory. I regard the time of peace as a time of preparation for victory. The soul must be ever watchful; watchfulness and again, watchfulness. The soul that reflects receives much light. A distracted soul runs the risk of a fall, and let it not be surprised when it does fall. O Spirit of God, Director of the soul, wise is he whom You have trained! But for the Spirit of God to act in the soul, peace and recollection are needed.
148 +A
noble and delicate soul, even the most simple, but one of delicate
sensibilities, sees God in everything, finds Him everywhere, and knows how to
find Him in even the most hidden things. It finds all things important, it
highly appreciates all things, it thanks God for all things, it draws profit
for the soul from all things, and it gives all glory to God. It places its
trust in God and is not confused when the time of ordeals comes. It knows that
God is always the best of Fathers and makes little of human opinion. It follows
faithfully the faintest breath of the Holy Spirit; it rejoices in this
Spiritual Guest and holds onto Him like a child to its mother. Where other
souls come to a standstill and fear, this soul passes on without fear or
difficulty.
149 When
the Lord himself wants to be close to a soul and to lead it, He will remove
everything that is external. When I fell ill and was taken to the infirmary, I
suffered much unpleasantness because of this. There were two of us sick in the
infirmary. Sisters would come to see Sister N., but no one came to visit me. It
is true that there was only one infirmary, but each one had her own cell. The
winter nights were long, and Sister N. had the light and the radio headphones,
while I could not even prepare my meditation for lack of a light.
When nearly two weeks had passed in this way, I complained to the Lord one evening that I was suffering so much and that I could not even prepare my meditation because there was no light. And the Lord said that He would come every evening and give me the points for the next day's meditation. These points always concerned His sorrowful Passion. He would say, Consider My sufferings before Pilate. And thus, point by point, I meditated upon His sorrowful Passion for one week. From that moment, a great joy entered my soul, and I no longer wanted either the visitors or the light; Jesus sufficed me for everything. The superiors were indeed very solicitous for the sick, but the Lord ordained that I should feel forsaken. This best of masters withdraws every created thing in order that He himself might act. Many a time, I have experienced such sufferings and persecutions that Mother M. [probably Mother Margaret] herself said to me, "Sister, along your path, sufferings just spring up out of the ground. I look upon you, Sister, as one crucified. But I can see that Jesus has a hand in this. Be faithful to the Lord."
When nearly two weeks had passed in this way, I complained to the Lord one evening that I was suffering so much and that I could not even prepare my meditation because there was no light. And the Lord said that He would come every evening and give me the points for the next day's meditation. These points always concerned His sorrowful Passion. He would say, Consider My sufferings before Pilate. And thus, point by point, I meditated upon His sorrowful Passion for one week. From that moment, a great joy entered my soul, and I no longer wanted either the visitors or the light; Jesus sufficed me for everything. The superiors were indeed very solicitous for the sick, but the Lord ordained that I should feel forsaken. This best of masters withdraws every created thing in order that He himself might act. Many a time, I have experienced such sufferings and persecutions that Mother M. [probably Mother Margaret] herself said to me, "Sister, along your path, sufferings just spring up out of the ground. I look upon you, Sister, as one crucified. But I can see that Jesus has a hand in this. Be faithful to the Lord."
150 +I
want to write down a dream that I had about Saint Therese of the Child Jesus. I
was still a novice at the time and was going through some difficulties which I
did not know how to overcome. They were interior difficulties connected with
exterior ones. I made novenas to various saints, but the situation grew more
and more difficult. The sufferings it caused me were so great that I did not
know how to go on living, but suddenly the thought occurred to me that I should
pray to Saint Therese of the Child Jesus. I started a novena to this Saint,
because before entering the convent I had had a great devotion to her. Lately I
had somewhat neglected this devotion, but in my need I began again to pray with
great fervor.
On the fifth day of the novena, I dreamed of Saint Therese, but it was as if she were still living on earth. She hid from me the fact that she was a saint and began to comfort me, saying that I should not be worried about this matter, but should trust more in God. She said, "I suffered greatly, too," but I did not quite believe her and said, "It seems to me that you have not suffered at all." But Saint Therese answered me in a convincing manner that she had suffered very much indeed and said to me, "Sister, know that in three days the difficulty will come to a happy conclusion." When I was not very willing to believe her, she revealed to me that she was a saint. At that moment, a great joy filled my soul, and I said to her, "You are a saint?" "Yes," she answered, "I am a saint. Trust that this matter will be resolved in three days:" And I said, "Dear sweet Therese, tell me, shall I go to heaven?" And she answered, "Yes, you will go to heaven, Sister." "And will I be a saint?" To which she replied, "Yes, you will be a saint." "But, little Therese, shall I be a saint as you are, raised to the altar?" And she answered, "Yes, you will be a saint just as I am, but you must trust in the Lord Jesus." I then asked her if my mother and father would go to heaven, will [unfinished sentence] And she replied that they would. I further asked, "And will my brothers and sisters go to heaven?" She told me to pray hard for them, but gave me no definite answer. I understood that they were in need of much prayer.
This was a dream. And as the proverb goes, dreams are phantoms; God is faith. Nevertheless, three days later the difficulty was solved very easily, just as she had said. And everything in this affair turned out exactly as she said it would. It was a dream, but it had its significance.
On the fifth day of the novena, I dreamed of Saint Therese, but it was as if she were still living on earth. She hid from me the fact that she was a saint and began to comfort me, saying that I should not be worried about this matter, but should trust more in God. She said, "I suffered greatly, too," but I did not quite believe her and said, "It seems to me that you have not suffered at all." But Saint Therese answered me in a convincing manner that she had suffered very much indeed and said to me, "Sister, know that in three days the difficulty will come to a happy conclusion." When I was not very willing to believe her, she revealed to me that she was a saint. At that moment, a great joy filled my soul, and I said to her, "You are a saint?" "Yes," she answered, "I am a saint. Trust that this matter will be resolved in three days:" And I said, "Dear sweet Therese, tell me, shall I go to heaven?" And she answered, "Yes, you will go to heaven, Sister." "And will I be a saint?" To which she replied, "Yes, you will be a saint." "But, little Therese, shall I be a saint as you are, raised to the altar?" And she answered, "Yes, you will be a saint just as I am, but you must trust in the Lord Jesus." I then asked her if my mother and father would go to heaven, will [unfinished sentence] And she replied that they would. I further asked, "And will my brothers and sisters go to heaven?" She told me to pray hard for them, but gave me no definite answer. I understood that they were in need of much prayer.
This was a dream. And as the proverb goes, dreams are phantoms; God is faith. Nevertheless, three days later the difficulty was solved very easily, just as she had said. And everything in this affair turned out exactly as she said it would. It was a dream, but it had its significance.
227 +In
the midst of trials I will try to see the loving hand of God. Nothing is as
constant as suffering-it always faithfully keeps the soul company. O Jesus, I
will let no one surpass me in loving You!
+O Jesus, hidden in the Blessed Sacrament,
+O Jesus, hidden in the Blessed Sacrament,
1065 +
My Jesus, support me when difficult and stormy days come, days of testing, days
of ordeal, when suffering and fatigue begin to oppress my body and my soul.
Sustain me, Jesus, and give me strength to bear suffering. Set a guard upon my
lips that they may address no word of complaint to creatures. Your most
merciful Heart is all my hope. I have nothing for my defense but only Your
mercy; in it lies all my trust.
1074
When I went for adoration, I heard these words: My beloved daughter, write
down these words, that today My Heart has rested in this convent [the
Cracow house]. Tell the world about My mercy and My love.
The flames of mercy are burning me. I desire to pour them out upon human souls. Oh, what pain they cause Me when they do not want to accept them!
My daughter, do whatever is within your power to spread devotion to My mercy. I will make up for what you lack. Tell aching mankind to snuggle close to My merciful Heart, and I will fill it -with peace.
Tell [all people], My daughter, that I am Love and Mercy itself. When a soul approaches Me with trust, I fill it with such an abundance of graces that it cannot contain them within itself, but radiates them to other souls.
The flames of mercy are burning me. I desire to pour them out upon human souls. Oh, what pain they cause Me when they do not want to accept them!
My daughter, do whatever is within your power to spread devotion to My mercy. I will make up for what you lack. Tell aching mankind to snuggle close to My merciful Heart, and I will fill it -with peace.
Tell [all people], My daughter, that I am Love and Mercy itself. When a soul approaches Me with trust, I fill it with such an abundance of graces that it cannot contain them within itself, but radiates them to other souls.
1075 Souls
who spread the honor of My mercy I shield through their entire lives as a
tender mother her infant, and at the hour of death I will not be a Judge for
them, but the Merciful Savior. At that last hour, a soul has nothing with which
to defend itself except My mercy. Happy is the soul that during its lifetime
immersed itself in the Fountain of Mercy, because justice will have no hold on
it.
1076 Write
this: Everything that exists is enclosed in the bowels of My mercy, more deeply
than an infant in its mother's womb. How painfully distrust of My goodness
wounds Me! Sins of distrust wound Me most painfully.
1520
Today the Lord said to me, I have opened My Heart as a living fountain of mercy.
Let all souls draw life from it. Let them approach this sea of mercy with great
trust. Sinners will attain justification, and the just will be confirmed in
good. Whoever places his trust in My mercy will be filled with My divine peace
at the hour of death.
1521 The
Lord said to me, My daughter, do not tire of proclaiming My mercy. In this
way you will refresh this Heart of Mine, which burns with a flame of pity for
sinners. Tell My priests that hardened sinners will repent on hearing their
words when they speak about My unfathomable mercy, about the compassion I have
for them in My Heart. To priests who proclaim and extol My mercy, I will give
wondrous power; I will anoint their words and touch the hearts of those to whom
they will speak.
1522
Community life is difficult in itself, but it is doubly difficult to get along
with proud souls. "O God, give me ' a deeper faith that I may always see
in every sister Your holy image which has been engraved in her soul...
1540
January 28, 1938. Today the Lord said to me, My daughter, write down these
words: All those souls who will glorify My mercy and spread its worship,
encouraging others to trust in My mercy, will not experience terror at the hour
of death. My mercy will shield them in that final battle...
1541 My
daughter, encourage souls to say the chaplet which I have given to you. It
pleases Me to grant everything they ask of Me by saying the chaplet. When
hardened sinners say it, I will fill their souls with peace, and the hour of
their death will be a happy one.
Write this for the benefit of distressed souls: when a soul sees and realizes the gravity of its sins, when the whole abyss of the misery into which it immersed itself is displayed before its eyes, let it not despair, but with trust let it throw itself into the arms of My mercy, as a child into the arms of its beloved mother. These souls have a right of priority to My compassionate Heart, they have first access to My mercy. Tell them that no soul that has called upon My mercy has been disappointed or brought to shame. I delight particularly in a soul which has placed its trust in My goodness.
Write that when they say this chaplet in the presence of the dying, I will stand between My Father and the dying person, not as the just Judge but as the merciful Savior.
Write this for the benefit of distressed souls: when a soul sees and realizes the gravity of its sins, when the whole abyss of the misery into which it immersed itself is displayed before its eyes, let it not despair, but with trust let it throw itself into the arms of My mercy, as a child into the arms of its beloved mother. These souls have a right of priority to My compassionate Heart, they have first access to My mercy. Tell them that no soul that has called upon My mercy has been disappointed or brought to shame. I delight particularly in a soul which has placed its trust in My goodness.
Write that when they say this chaplet in the presence of the dying, I will stand between My Father and the dying person, not as the just Judge but as the merciful Savior.
1557
O Jesus, keep me in holy fear, so that I may not waste graces. Help me to be
faithful to the inspirations of the Holy Spirit. Grant that my heart may burst
for love of You, rather than I should neglect even one act of love for You.
1558
February 2, [1938]. Darkness of the soul. Today is the Feast of the Mother of
God, and in my soul it is so dark. The Lord has hidden Himself, and I am alone,
all alone. My mind has become so dimmed that I see only phantasies about me.
Not a single ray of light penetrates my soul. I do not understand myself or
those who speak to me. Frightful temptations regarding the holy faith assail
me. O my Jesus, save me. I cannot say anything more. I cannot describe these
things in detail, for I fear lest someone be scandalized on reading this. I am
astounded that such torments could befall a soul. O hurricane, what are you
doing to the boat of my heart? This storm has lasted the whole day and night.
When Mother Superior [Irene] came in to see me and asked, "Would you like to take advantage of this occasion, Sister, since Father An. [Andrasz] is coming to hear confessions?" I answered, no. It seemed to me that Father would not understand me, nor would I be able to make a confession.
I spent the whole night with Jesus in Gethsemane. From my breast there escaped one continuous moan. A natural dying will be much easier, because then one is in agony and will die; while here, one is in agony, but cannot die. O Jesus, I never thought such suffering could exist. Nothingness: that is the reality. O Jesus, save me! I believe in You with all my heart. So many times have I seen the radiance of Your face, and now, where are You, Lord?... I believe, I believe, and again I believe in You, Triune God, Father, Son and Holy Spirit, and in all the truths which Your holy Church gives me to believe... But the darkness does not recede, and my spirit plunges into even greater agony. And at that moment, such terrible torment overwhelmed me that now I am amazed at myself that I did not breathe my last, but this was for only a brief instant.
When Mother Superior [Irene] came in to see me and asked, "Would you like to take advantage of this occasion, Sister, since Father An. [Andrasz] is coming to hear confessions?" I answered, no. It seemed to me that Father would not understand me, nor would I be able to make a confession.
I spent the whole night with Jesus in Gethsemane. From my breast there escaped one continuous moan. A natural dying will be much easier, because then one is in agony and will die; while here, one is in agony, but cannot die. O Jesus, I never thought such suffering could exist. Nothingness: that is the reality. O Jesus, save me! I believe in You with all my heart. So many times have I seen the radiance of Your face, and now, where are You, Lord?... I believe, I believe, and again I believe in You, Triune God, Father, Son and Holy Spirit, and in all the truths which Your holy Church gives me to believe... But the darkness does not recede, and my spirit plunges into even greater agony. And at that moment, such terrible torment overwhelmed me that now I am amazed at myself that I did not breathe my last, but this was for only a brief instant.
(Diary
of Sister Faustina Kowalska Notebook-I-50, 97-98, 106-107, 111, 115, 129)
(Diary
of Sister Faustina Kowalska Notebook-I-132, 136, 138-140, 145, 148-150)
(Diary
of Sister Faustina Kowalska Notebook-II-1065, 1074-1076)
(Diary
of Sister Faustina Kowalska Notebook-V-1522, 1540-1541, 1557-1558)
http://www.saint-faustina.com/Diary/DMIMS10.shtml
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