Jesus Christ Is the Answer
Palm Sunday of the Lord´s Passion
Matthew 26:14-75.27:1-66.
One of the Twelve, who was called Judas Iscariot, went to the chief priests
and said, "What are you willing to give me if I hand him over to you?" They paid him thirty pieces of silver, and from that time on he looked for an opportunity to hand him over. On the first day of the Feast of Unleavened Bread, the disciples approached Jesus and said, "Where do you want us to prepare for you to eat the Passover?" He said, "Go into the city to a certain man and tell him, 'The teacher says, "My appointed time draws near; in your house I shall celebrate the Passover with my disciples."'" The disciples then did as Jesus had ordered, and prepared the Passover. When it was evening, he reclined at table with the Twelve. And while they were eating, he said, "Amen, I say to you, one of you will betray me." Deeply distressed at this, they began to say to him one after another, "Surely it is not I, Lord?" He said in reply, "He who has dipped his hand into the dish with me is the one who will betray me. The Son of Man indeed goes, as it is written of him, but woe to that man by whom the Son of Man is betrayed. It would be better for that man if he had never been born." Then Judas, his betrayer, said in reply, "Surely it is not I, Rabbi?" He answered, "You have said so." While they were eating, Jesus took bread, said the blessing, broke it, and giving it to his disciples said, "Take and eat; this is my body." Then he took a cup, gave thanks, and gave it to them, saying, "Drink from it, all of you, for this is my blood of the covenant, which will be shed on behalf of many for the forgiveness of sins. I tell you, from now on I shall not drink this fruit of the vine until the day when I drink it with you new in the kingdom of my Father." Then, after singing a hymn, they went out to the Mount of Olives. Then Jesus said to them, "This night all of you will have your faith in me shaken, for it is written: 'I will strike the shepherd, and the sheep of the flock will be dispersed'; but after I have been raised up, I shall go before you to Galilee." Peter said to him in reply, "Though all may have their faith in you shaken, mine will never be." Jesus said to him, "Amen, I say to you, this very night before the cock crows, you will deny me three times." Peter said to him, "Even though I should have to die with you, I will not deny you." And all the disciples spoke likewise. Then Jesus came with them to a place called Gethsemane, and he said to his disciples, "Sit here while I go over there and pray." He took along Peter and the two sons of Zebedee, and began to feel sorrow and distress. Then he said to them, "My soul is sorrowful even to death. Remain here and keep watch with me." He advanced a little and fell prostrate in prayer, saying, "My Father, if it is possible, let this cup pass from me; yet, not as I will, but as you will." When he returned to his disciples he found them asleep. He said to Peter, "So you could not keep watch with me for one hour? Watch and pray that you may not undergo the test. The spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak." Withdrawing a second time, he prayed again, "My Father, if it is not possible that this cup pass without my drinking it, your will be done!" Then he returned once more and found them asleep, for they could not keep their eyes open. He left them and withdrew again and prayed a third time, saying the same thing again. Then he returned to his disciples and said to them, "Are you still sleeping and taking your rest? Behold, the hour is at hand when the Son of Man is to be handed over to sinners. Get up, let us go. Look, my betrayer is at hand." While he was still speaking, Judas, one of the Twelve, arrived, accompanied by a large crowd, with swords and clubs, who had come from the chief priests and the elders of the people. His betrayer had arranged a sign with them, saying, "The man I shall kiss is the one; arrest him." Immediately he went over to Jesus and said, "Hail, Rabbi!" and he kissed him. Jesus answered him, "Friend, do what you have come for." Then stepping forward they laid hands on Jesus and arrested him. And behold, one of those who accompanied Jesus put his hand to his sword, drew it, and struck the high priest's servant, cutting off his ear. Then Jesus said to him, "Put your sword back into its sheath, for all who take the sword will perish by the sword. Do you think that I cannot call upon my Father and he will not provide me at this moment with more than twelve legions of angels? But then how would the scriptures be fulfilled which say that it must come to pass in this way?" At that hour Jesus said to the crowds, "Have you come out as against a robber, with swords and clubs to seize me? Day after day I sat teaching in the temple area, yet you did not arrest me. But all this has come to pass that the writings of the prophets may be fulfilled." Then all the disciples left him and fled. Those who had arrested Jesus led him away to Caiaphas the high priest, where the scribes and the elders were assembled. Peter was following him at a distance as far as the high priest's courtyard, and going inside he sat down with the servants to see the outcome. The chief priests and the entire Sanhedrin kept trying to obtain false testimony against Jesus in order to put him to death, but they found none, though many false witnesses came forward. Finally two came forward who stated, "This man said, 'I can destroy the temple of God and within three days rebuild it.'" The high priest rose and addressed him, "Have you no answer? What are these men testifying against you?" But Jesus was silent. Then the high priest said to him, "I order you to tell us under oath before the living God whether you are the Messiah, the Son of God." Jesus said to him in reply, "You have said so. But I tell you: From now on you will see 'the Son of Man seated at the right hand of the Power' and 'coming on the clouds of heaven.'" Then the high priest tore his robes and said, "He has blasphemed! What further need have we of witnesses? You have now heard the blasphemy; what is your opinion?" They said in reply, "He deserves to die!" Then they spat in his face and struck him, while some slapped him, saying, "Prophesy for us, Messiah: who is it that struck you?" Now Peter was sitting outside in the courtyard. One of the maids came over to him and said, "You too were with Jesus the Galilean." But he denied it in front of everyone, saying, "I do not know what you are talking about!" As he went out to the gate, another girl saw him and said to those who were there, "This man was with Jesus the Nazorean." Again he denied it with an oath, "I do not know the man!" A little later the bystanders came over and said to Peter, "Surely you too are one of them; even your speech gives you away." At that he began to curse and to swear, "I do not know the man." And immediately a cock crowed. Then Peter remembered the word that Jesus had spoken: "Before the cock crows you will deny me three times." He went out and began to weep bitterly. When it was morning, all the chief priests and the elders of the people took counsel against Jesus to put him to death. They bound him, led him away, and handed him over to Pilate, the governor. Then Judas, his betrayer, seeing that Jesus had been condemned, deeply regretted what he had done. He returned the thirty pieces of silver to the chief priests and elders, saying, "I have sinned in betraying innocent blood." They said, "What is that to us? Look to it yourself." Flinging the money into the temple, he departed and went off and hanged himself. The chief priests gathered up the money, but said, "It is not lawful to deposit this in the temple treasury, for it is the price of blood." After consultation, they used it to buy the potter's field as a burial place for foreigners. That is why that field even today is called the Field of Blood. Then was fulfilled what had been said through Jeremiah the prophet, "And they took the thirty pieces of silver, the value of a man with a price on his head, a price set by some of the Israelites, and they paid it out for the potter's field just as the Lord had commanded me." Now Jesus stood before the governor, and he questioned him, "Are you the king of the Jews?" Jesus said, "You say so." And when he was accused by the chief priests and elders, he made no answer. Then Pilate said to him, "Do you not hear how many things they are testifying against you?" But he did not answer him one word, so that the governor was greatly amazed. Now on the occasion of the feast the governor was accustomed to release to the crowd one prisoner whom they wished. And at that time they had a notorious prisoner called (Jesus) Barabbas. So when they had assembled, Pilate said to them, "Which one do you want me to release to you, (Jesus) Barabbas, or Jesus called Messiah?" For he knew that it was out of envy that they had handed him over. While he was still seated on the bench, his wife sent him a message, "Have nothing to do with that righteous man. I suffered much in a dream today because of him." The chief priests and the elders persuaded the crowds to ask for Barabbas but to destroy Jesus. The governor said to them in reply, "Which of the two do you want me to release to you?" They answered, "Barabbas!" Pilate said to them, "Then what shall I do with Jesus called Messiah?" They all said, "Let him be crucified!" But he said, "Why? What evil has he done?" They only shouted the louder, "Let him be crucified!" When Pilate saw that he was not succeeding at all, but that a riot was breaking out instead, he took water and washed his hands in the sight of the crowd, saying, "I am innocent of this man's blood. Look to it yourselves." And the whole people said in reply, "His blood be upon us and upon our children." Then he released Barabbas to them, but after he had Jesus scourged, he handed him over to be crucified. Then the soldiers of the governor took Jesus inside the praetorium and gathered the whole cohort around him. They stripped off his clothes and threw a scarlet military cloak about him. Weaving a crown out of thorns, they placed it on his head, and a reed in his right hand. And kneeling before him, they mocked him, saying, "Hail, King of the Jews!" They spat upon him and took the reed and kept striking him on the head. And when they had mocked him, they stripped him of the cloak, dressed him in his own clothes, and led him off to crucify him. As they were going out, they met a Cyrenian named Simon; this man they pressed into service to carry his cross. And when they came to a place called Golgotha (which means Place of the Skull), they gave Jesus wine to drink mixed with gall. But when he had tasted it, he refused to drink. After they had crucified him, they divided his garments by casting lots; then they sat down and kept watch over him there. And they placed over his head the written charge against him: This is Jesus, the King of the Jews. Two revolutionaries were crucified with him, one on his right and the other on his left. Those passing by reviled him, shaking their heads and saying, "You who would destroy the temple and rebuild it in three days, save yourself, if you are the Son of God, (and) come down from the cross!" Likewise the chief priests with the scribes and elders mocked him and said, He saved others; he cannot save himself. So he is the king of Israel! Let him come down from the cross now, and we will believe in him. He trusted in God; let him deliver him now if he wants him. For he said, 'I am the Son of God.'" The revolutionaries who were crucified with him also kept abusing him in the same way. From noon onward, darkness came over the whole land until three in the afternoon. And about three o'clock Jesus cried out in a loud voice, "Eli, Eli, lema sabachthani?" which means, "My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?" Some of the bystanders who heard it said, "This one is calling for Elijah." Immediately one of them ran to get a sponge; he soaked it in wine, and putting it on a reed, gave it to him to drink. But the rest said, "Wait, let us see if Elijah comes to save him." But Jesus cried out again in a loud voice, and gave up his spirit. And behold, the veil of the sanctuary was torn in two from top to bottom. The earth quaked, rocks were split, tombs were opened, and the bodies of many saints who had fallen asleep were raised. And coming forth from their tombs after his resurrection, they entered the holy city and appeared to many. The centurion and the men with him who were keeping watch over Jesus feared greatly when they saw the earthquake and all that was happening, and they said, "Truly, this was the Son of God!" There were many women there, looking on from a distance, who had followed Jesus from Galilee, ministering to him. Among them were Mary Magdalene and Mary the mother of James and Joseph, and the mother of the sons of Zebedee. When it was evening, there came a rich man from Arimathea named Joseph, who was himself a disciple of Jesus. He went to Pilate and asked for the body of Jesus; then Pilate ordered it to be handed over. Taking the body, Joseph wrapped it (in) clean linen and laid it in his
One of the Twelve, who was called Judas Iscariot, went to the chief priests
and said, "What are you willing to give me if I hand him over to you?" They paid him thirty pieces of silver, and from that time on he looked for an opportunity to hand him over. On the first day of the Feast of Unleavened Bread, the disciples approached Jesus and said, "Where do you want us to prepare for you to eat the Passover?" He said, "Go into the city to a certain man and tell him, 'The teacher says, "My appointed time draws near; in your house I shall celebrate the Passover with my disciples."'" The disciples then did as Jesus had ordered, and prepared the Passover. When it was evening, he reclined at table with the Twelve. And while they were eating, he said, "Amen, I say to you, one of you will betray me." Deeply distressed at this, they began to say to him one after another, "Surely it is not I, Lord?" He said in reply, "He who has dipped his hand into the dish with me is the one who will betray me. The Son of Man indeed goes, as it is written of him, but woe to that man by whom the Son of Man is betrayed. It would be better for that man if he had never been born." Then Judas, his betrayer, said in reply, "Surely it is not I, Rabbi?" He answered, "You have said so." While they were eating, Jesus took bread, said the blessing, broke it, and giving it to his disciples said, "Take and eat; this is my body." Then he took a cup, gave thanks, and gave it to them, saying, "Drink from it, all of you, for this is my blood of the covenant, which will be shed on behalf of many for the forgiveness of sins. I tell you, from now on I shall not drink this fruit of the vine until the day when I drink it with you new in the kingdom of my Father." Then, after singing a hymn, they went out to the Mount of Olives. Then Jesus said to them, "This night all of you will have your faith in me shaken, for it is written: 'I will strike the shepherd, and the sheep of the flock will be dispersed'; but after I have been raised up, I shall go before you to Galilee." Peter said to him in reply, "Though all may have their faith in you shaken, mine will never be." Jesus said to him, "Amen, I say to you, this very night before the cock crows, you will deny me three times." Peter said to him, "Even though I should have to die with you, I will not deny you." And all the disciples spoke likewise. Then Jesus came with them to a place called Gethsemane, and he said to his disciples, "Sit here while I go over there and pray." He took along Peter and the two sons of Zebedee, and began to feel sorrow and distress. Then he said to them, "My soul is sorrowful even to death. Remain here and keep watch with me." He advanced a little and fell prostrate in prayer, saying, "My Father, if it is possible, let this cup pass from me; yet, not as I will, but as you will." When he returned to his disciples he found them asleep. He said to Peter, "So you could not keep watch with me for one hour? Watch and pray that you may not undergo the test. The spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak." Withdrawing a second time, he prayed again, "My Father, if it is not possible that this cup pass without my drinking it, your will be done!" Then he returned once more and found them asleep, for they could not keep their eyes open. He left them and withdrew again and prayed a third time, saying the same thing again. Then he returned to his disciples and said to them, "Are you still sleeping and taking your rest? Behold, the hour is at hand when the Son of Man is to be handed over to sinners. Get up, let us go. Look, my betrayer is at hand." While he was still speaking, Judas, one of the Twelve, arrived, accompanied by a large crowd, with swords and clubs, who had come from the chief priests and the elders of the people. His betrayer had arranged a sign with them, saying, "The man I shall kiss is the one; arrest him." Immediately he went over to Jesus and said, "Hail, Rabbi!" and he kissed him. Jesus answered him, "Friend, do what you have come for." Then stepping forward they laid hands on Jesus and arrested him. And behold, one of those who accompanied Jesus put his hand to his sword, drew it, and struck the high priest's servant, cutting off his ear. Then Jesus said to him, "Put your sword back into its sheath, for all who take the sword will perish by the sword. Do you think that I cannot call upon my Father and he will not provide me at this moment with more than twelve legions of angels? But then how would the scriptures be fulfilled which say that it must come to pass in this way?" At that hour Jesus said to the crowds, "Have you come out as against a robber, with swords and clubs to seize me? Day after day I sat teaching in the temple area, yet you did not arrest me. But all this has come to pass that the writings of the prophets may be fulfilled." Then all the disciples left him and fled. Those who had arrested Jesus led him away to Caiaphas the high priest, where the scribes and the elders were assembled. Peter was following him at a distance as far as the high priest's courtyard, and going inside he sat down with the servants to see the outcome. The chief priests and the entire Sanhedrin kept trying to obtain false testimony against Jesus in order to put him to death, but they found none, though many false witnesses came forward. Finally two came forward who stated, "This man said, 'I can destroy the temple of God and within three days rebuild it.'" The high priest rose and addressed him, "Have you no answer? What are these men testifying against you?" But Jesus was silent. Then the high priest said to him, "I order you to tell us under oath before the living God whether you are the Messiah, the Son of God." Jesus said to him in reply, "You have said so. But I tell you: From now on you will see 'the Son of Man seated at the right hand of the Power' and 'coming on the clouds of heaven.'" Then the high priest tore his robes and said, "He has blasphemed! What further need have we of witnesses? You have now heard the blasphemy; what is your opinion?" They said in reply, "He deserves to die!" Then they spat in his face and struck him, while some slapped him, saying, "Prophesy for us, Messiah: who is it that struck you?" Now Peter was sitting outside in the courtyard. One of the maids came over to him and said, "You too were with Jesus the Galilean." But he denied it in front of everyone, saying, "I do not know what you are talking about!" As he went out to the gate, another girl saw him and said to those who were there, "This man was with Jesus the Nazorean." Again he denied it with an oath, "I do not know the man!" A little later the bystanders came over and said to Peter, "Surely you too are one of them; even your speech gives you away." At that he began to curse and to swear, "I do not know the man." And immediately a cock crowed. Then Peter remembered the word that Jesus had spoken: "Before the cock crows you will deny me three times." He went out and began to weep bitterly. When it was morning, all the chief priests and the elders of the people took counsel against Jesus to put him to death. They bound him, led him away, and handed him over to Pilate, the governor. Then Judas, his betrayer, seeing that Jesus had been condemned, deeply regretted what he had done. He returned the thirty pieces of silver to the chief priests and elders, saying, "I have sinned in betraying innocent blood." They said, "What is that to us? Look to it yourself." Flinging the money into the temple, he departed and went off and hanged himself. The chief priests gathered up the money, but said, "It is not lawful to deposit this in the temple treasury, for it is the price of blood." After consultation, they used it to buy the potter's field as a burial place for foreigners. That is why that field even today is called the Field of Blood. Then was fulfilled what had been said through Jeremiah the prophet, "And they took the thirty pieces of silver, the value of a man with a price on his head, a price set by some of the Israelites, and they paid it out for the potter's field just as the Lord had commanded me." Now Jesus stood before the governor, and he questioned him, "Are you the king of the Jews?" Jesus said, "You say so." And when he was accused by the chief priests and elders, he made no answer. Then Pilate said to him, "Do you not hear how many things they are testifying against you?" But he did not answer him one word, so that the governor was greatly amazed. Now on the occasion of the feast the governor was accustomed to release to the crowd one prisoner whom they wished. And at that time they had a notorious prisoner called (Jesus) Barabbas. So when they had assembled, Pilate said to them, "Which one do you want me to release to you, (Jesus) Barabbas, or Jesus called Messiah?" For he knew that it was out of envy that they had handed him over. While he was still seated on the bench, his wife sent him a message, "Have nothing to do with that righteous man. I suffered much in a dream today because of him." The chief priests and the elders persuaded the crowds to ask for Barabbas but to destroy Jesus. The governor said to them in reply, "Which of the two do you want me to release to you?" They answered, "Barabbas!" Pilate said to them, "Then what shall I do with Jesus called Messiah?" They all said, "Let him be crucified!" But he said, "Why? What evil has he done?" They only shouted the louder, "Let him be crucified!" When Pilate saw that he was not succeeding at all, but that a riot was breaking out instead, he took water and washed his hands in the sight of the crowd, saying, "I am innocent of this man's blood. Look to it yourselves." And the whole people said in reply, "His blood be upon us and upon our children." Then he released Barabbas to them, but after he had Jesus scourged, he handed him over to be crucified. Then the soldiers of the governor took Jesus inside the praetorium and gathered the whole cohort around him. They stripped off his clothes and threw a scarlet military cloak about him. Weaving a crown out of thorns, they placed it on his head, and a reed in his right hand. And kneeling before him, they mocked him, saying, "Hail, King of the Jews!" They spat upon him and took the reed and kept striking him on the head. And when they had mocked him, they stripped him of the cloak, dressed him in his own clothes, and led him off to crucify him. As they were going out, they met a Cyrenian named Simon; this man they pressed into service to carry his cross. And when they came to a place called Golgotha (which means Place of the Skull), they gave Jesus wine to drink mixed with gall. But when he had tasted it, he refused to drink. After they had crucified him, they divided his garments by casting lots; then they sat down and kept watch over him there. And they placed over his head the written charge against him: This is Jesus, the King of the Jews. Two revolutionaries were crucified with him, one on his right and the other on his left. Those passing by reviled him, shaking their heads and saying, "You who would destroy the temple and rebuild it in three days, save yourself, if you are the Son of God, (and) come down from the cross!" Likewise the chief priests with the scribes and elders mocked him and said, He saved others; he cannot save himself. So he is the king of Israel! Let him come down from the cross now, and we will believe in him. He trusted in God; let him deliver him now if he wants him. For he said, 'I am the Son of God.'" The revolutionaries who were crucified with him also kept abusing him in the same way. From noon onward, darkness came over the whole land until three in the afternoon. And about three o'clock Jesus cried out in a loud voice, "Eli, Eli, lema sabachthani?" which means, "My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?" Some of the bystanders who heard it said, "This one is calling for Elijah." Immediately one of them ran to get a sponge; he soaked it in wine, and putting it on a reed, gave it to him to drink. But the rest said, "Wait, let us see if Elijah comes to save him." But Jesus cried out again in a loud voice, and gave up his spirit. And behold, the veil of the sanctuary was torn in two from top to bottom. The earth quaked, rocks were split, tombs were opened, and the bodies of many saints who had fallen asleep were raised. And coming forth from their tombs after his resurrection, they entered the holy city and appeared to many. The centurion and the men with him who were keeping watch over Jesus feared greatly when they saw the earthquake and all that was happening, and they said, "Truly, this was the Son of God!" There were many women there, looking on from a distance, who had followed Jesus from Galilee, ministering to him. Among them were Mary Magdalene and Mary the mother of James and Joseph, and the mother of the sons of Zebedee. When it was evening, there came a rich man from Arimathea named Joseph, who was himself a disciple of Jesus. He went to Pilate and asked for the body of Jesus; then Pilate ordered it to be handed over. Taking the body, Joseph wrapped it (in) clean linen and laid it in his
Introductory
Prayer: O Lord Jesus Christ, who on this
day entered the rebellious city which later rejected You,: We confess that our
wills are just as rebellious, that our faith is often more show than substance,
that our hearts are in need of cleansing. Have mercy on us, Son of David,
Savior of our lives. Help us to lay at Your feet all that we have and all that
we are, trusting You to forgive what is sinful, to heal what is broken, to
welcome our praises, and to receive us as Your own. Amen.
Petition: Lord Jesus, let my
thirst for happiness be quenched by Your love.
1. Palm Sunday begins Holy Week: When
we are all called to relive and to celebrate the events, which went before and
surrounded Christ’s death and resurrection, the source of our salvation. Today
we begin by recalling Jesus’ triumphant entry into Jerusalem, where the
regional custom called for kings and nobles arriving in procession to ride on
the back of a donkey. The donkey was a symbol of peace; those who rode upon
them proclaimed peaceful intentions. The laying of palm branches indicated that
the king or dignitary was arriving in victory or triumph. Will we
chose rightly and embrace Jesus the Son of God, or will give lip service and
find ourselves in the universe of Judas or Barabbas, These are very different persons to be aligned
with. Will be aligned with the servant of servants or the way of beings elf
serving? Will we seek the Father’s will or seek to our own will. Who and what
will we chose?
2. Two Ways: There are two ways
of responding to this hunger of the soul and this thirst of the heart: one is
the way of the world, the other is the way of Christ. Before we indulge in the
pleasures of the world, they seem desirable and appear to be all that we will
need to make us happy. But after we have them, they become disappointing and
sometimes even disgusting. The contrary is true of the pleasures of Christ.
Before we have them, they are hard, unattractive, and even repulsive. But after
we possess them, they are satisfying and become all our heart could ever
desire.
3. Jesus Christ Is the Answer: What the world
deems success is really failure and unhappiness. What the world deems failure
and defeat is really success and victory. This reality is played out in Our
Lord’s Passion. Jesus is the happiness we seek and the answer to all our
desires. His way is the way of the cross, and therefore, as his followers, we
must follow the same path. Jesus assures us that the poor shall not always be
poor; the crucified shall not be always on a cross; the poor shall be rich; the
lowly shall be exalted; those who sow in tears shall reap in joy; those who
mourn shall be comforted; and those who suffer with Christ shall reign with
him. In the words of the poet Francis Thompson, Christ says to you, “All which
I took from thee I did but take, not for thy harms, but just that thou might’st
seek it in my arms. All which thy child’s mistake fancies as lost, I have
stored for thee at home: Rise, clasp my hand, and come!”
Conversation with
Christ: Jesus, come and be the king of my heart. During this week of Your
Passion I want to grow in my love and appreciation for You and all You do for
me. Help me with Your grace to be a faithful follower and give me the strength
to take up my cross with love and generosity.
Resolution: I will visit Our
Lord in the Eucharist, renewing my desire to be totally his and praying that
Jesus be totally mine.
Excerpts from the
DIARY of Saint Faustina Kowalska
36 Once I
was summoned to the judgment [seat] of God. I stood alone before the Lord.
Jesus appeared such as we know Him during His Passion. After a moment, His
wounds disappeared except for five, those in His hands, His feet and His side.
Suddenly I saw the complete condition of my soul as God sees it. I could
clearly see all that is displeasing to God. I did not know that even the
smallest transgressions will have to be accounted for. What a moment! Who can
describe it? To stand before the Thrice-Holy God! Jesus asked me, Who are
you? I answered, "I am Your servant, Lord." You are guilty of
one day of fire in purgatory. I wanted to throw myself immediately into the
flames of purgatory, but Jesus stopped me and said, Which do you prefer, suffer
now for one day in purgatory or for a short while on earth? I replied,
"Jesus, I want to suffer in purgatory, and I want to suffer also the
greatest pains on earth, even if it were until the end of the world."
Jesus said, One [of the two] is enough; you will go back to earth,
and there you will suffer much, but not for long; you will accomplish My will
and My desires, and a faithful servant of Mine will help you to do this. Now,
rest your head on My bosom, on My heart, and draw from it strength and power
for these sufferings, because you will find neither relief nor help nor comfort
anywhere else. Know that you will have much, much to suffer, but don't let this
frighten you; I am with you.
38 In
order to purify a soul, Jesus uses whatever instruments He likes. My soul
underwent a complete abandonment on the part of creatures; often my best
intentions were misinterpreted by the sisters,[26]
a type of suffering which is most painful; but God allows it, and we must
accept it because in this way we become more like Jesus. There was one thing
which I could not understand for a long time: Jesus ordered me to tell
everything to my Superiors, but my Superiors did not believe what I said and
treated me with pity as though I were being deluded or were imagining things.
Because of this, believing myself to be deluded, I resolved to avoid God interiorly for fear of these illusions. But the grace of God pursued me at every step, and God spoke to me when I least expected it.
Because of this, believing myself to be deluded, I resolved to avoid God interiorly for fear of these illusions. But the grace of God pursued me at every step, and God spoke to me when I least expected it.
39 + One day Jesus told me that He
would cause a chastisement to fall upon the most beautiful city in our country
[probably Warsaw]. This chastisement would be that with which God had punished
Sodom and Gomorrah.[27]
I saw the great wrath of God and a shudder pierced my heart. I prayed in
silence. After a moment, Jesus said to me, My child, unite yourself closely
to Me during the Sacrifice and offer My Blood and My Wounds to My Father in
expiation for the sins of that city. Repeat this without interruption
throughout the entire Holy Mass. Do this for seven days. On the
seventh day I saw Jesus in a bright cloud and began to beg Him to look upon the
city and upon our whole country. Jesus looked [down] graciously. When I saw the
kindness of' Jesus, I began to beg His blessing. Immediately Jesus said, For
your sake I bless the entire country. And He made a big sign of the cross
over our country. Seeing the goodness of God, a great joy filled my soul.
41 On one occasion
I saw a servant of God in the immediate danger of committing a mortal sin. I
started to beg God to deign to send down upon me all the torments of hell and
all the sufferings He wished if only this priest would be set free and snatched
from the occasion of committing a sin. Jesus heard my prayer and, that very
instant, I felt a crown of thorns on my head. The thorns penetrated my head
with great force right into my brain. This lasted for three hours; the servant
of God was set free from this sin, and his soul was strengthened by a special
grace of God.
46 I often felt the Passion of
the Lord Jesus in my body, although this was imperceptible [to others], and I
rejoiced in it because Jesus wanted it so. But this lasted for only a short
time. These sufferings set my soul afire with love for God and for immortal
souls. Love endures everything, love is stronger than death, love fears
nothing...
56 O my
God, I understand well that You demand this spiritual childhood[32]
of me, because You are constantly asking it of me through Your representatives.
At the beginning of my religious life, suffering and adversities frightened and disheartened me. So I prayed continuously, asking Jesus to strengthen me and to grant me the power of His Holy Spirit that I might carry out His holy will in all things, because from the beginning I have been aware of my weakness. I know very well what I am of myself, because for this purpose Jesus has opened the eyes of my soul; I am an abyss of misery, and hence I understand that whatever good there is in my soul consists solely of His holy grace. The knowledge of my own misery allows me, at the same time, to know the immensity of Your mercy. In my own interior life, I am looking with one eye at the abyss of my misery and baseness, and with the other, at the abyss of Your mercy, O God.
At the beginning of my religious life, suffering and adversities frightened and disheartened me. So I prayed continuously, asking Jesus to strengthen me and to grant me the power of His Holy Spirit that I might carry out His holy will in all things, because from the beginning I have been aware of my weakness. I know very well what I am of myself, because for this purpose Jesus has opened the eyes of my soul; I am an abyss of misery, and hence I understand that whatever good there is in my soul consists solely of His holy grace. The knowledge of my own misery allows me, at the same time, to know the immensity of Your mercy. In my own interior life, I am looking with one eye at the abyss of my misery and baseness, and with the other, at the abyss of Your mercy, O God.
57 O my Jesus, You are the life
of my life. You know only too well that I long for nothing but the glory of
Your Name and that souls come to know Your goodness. Why do souls avoid You,
Jesus?-I don't understand that. Oh, if I could only cut my heart into tiny
pieces and in this way offer to You, O Jesus, each piece as a heart whole and entire,
to make up in part for the hearts that do not love You! I love You, Jesus, with
every drop of my blood, and I would gladly shed my blood for You to give You a
proof of the sincerity of my love. O God, the more I know You the less I can
comprehend You, but this "non-comprehension" lets me realize how
great You are! And it is this impossibility of comprehending You which enflames
my heart anew for You, O Lord. From the moment when You let me fix the eyes of
my soul on You, O Jesus, I have been at peace and desired nothing else. I found
my destiny at the moment when my soul lost itself in You, the only object of my
love. In comparison with you, everything is nothing. Sufferings, adversities,
humiliations, failures and suspicions that have come my way are splinters that
keep alive the fire of my love for You, O Jesus.
My desires are mad and unattainable. I wish to conceal from You that I suffer. I want never to be rewarded for my efforts and my good actions. You yourself, Jesus, are my only reward; You are enough, O Treasure of my heart! I want to share compassionately in the sufferings of my neighbors and to conceal my own sufferings, not only from them, but also from You, Jesus.
Suffering is a great grace; through suffering the soul becomes like the Savior; in suffering love becomes crystallized; the greater the suffering, the purer the love.
My desires are mad and unattainable. I wish to conceal from You that I suffer. I want never to be rewarded for my efforts and my good actions. You yourself, Jesus, are my only reward; You are enough, O Treasure of my heart! I want to share compassionately in the sufferings of my neighbors and to conceal my own sufferings, not only from them, but also from You, Jesus.
Suffering is a great grace; through suffering the soul becomes like the Savior; in suffering love becomes crystallized; the greater the suffering, the purer the love.
67 When I fell sick [probably the beginning of
consumption] after my first vows and when, despite the kind and solicitous care
of my Superiors and the efforts of the doctor, I felt neither better nor worse,
remarks began to reach my ears which inferred that I was making believe. With
that, my suffering was doubled, and this lasted for quite a long time. One day
I complained to Jesus that I was being a burden to the sisters. Jesus answered
me, You are not living for yourself but for souls, and other souls will
profit from your sufferings. Your prolonged suffering will give them the light
and strength to accept My will.
68 The heaviest suffering for me was that it seemed
to me that neither my prayers nor my good works were pleasing to God. I did not
dare lift up my eyes to heaven. This caused me such great suffering during the
community exercises in the chapel that one day Mother Superior [Raphael] called
me aside after the exercises and said to me, "Sister, ask God for grace
and consolation, because I can see for myself and the sisters keep telling me
that the very sight of you evokes pity. I really do not know what to do with
you, Sister. I command you to stop tormenting yourself for no reason."
But all these conferences with Mother Superior brought me no relief, nor did they clarify anything for me. Rather, even greater darkness hid God from me. I looked for help in the confessional, but not even there did I find it. A saintly priest wanted to help me, but I was so miserable that I couldn't even define my trouble, and that vexed me even more. A deathly sadness penetrated my soul to such an extent that I was unable to hide it, and it was apparent to those around me. I lost hope. The night was growing darker and darker. The priest to whom I went to confession said to me, "I see very special graces in you, Sister, and I am not worried about you at all; why are you torturing yourself in this way?" But at that time I did not understand at all what he was saying and was extremely surprised when, by way of penance, I was ordered to say the Te Deum or the Magnificat, or to run fast around the garden in the evening, or else to laugh out loud ten times a day. These penances were very surprising to me; but even with that the priest was not able to give me much help. Evidently, God wanted me to give Him glory through suffering.
That priest consoled me, saying that in my present situation I was more pleasing to God than if I were filled with the greatest consolations. "It is a very great grace, Sister, "he told me, "that in your present condition, with all the torments of soul you are experiencing, you not only do not offend God, but you even try to practice virtues. I am looking into your soul, and I see God's great plans and special graces there; and seeing this, I give thanks to the Lord." But despite all that, my soul was in a state of torture; and in the midst of unspeakable torments, I imitated the blind man who entrusts himself to his guide, holding his hand firmly, not giving up obedience for a single moment, and this was my only safety in this fiery trial.
But all these conferences with Mother Superior brought me no relief, nor did they clarify anything for me. Rather, even greater darkness hid God from me. I looked for help in the confessional, but not even there did I find it. A saintly priest wanted to help me, but I was so miserable that I couldn't even define my trouble, and that vexed me even more. A deathly sadness penetrated my soul to such an extent that I was unable to hide it, and it was apparent to those around me. I lost hope. The night was growing darker and darker. The priest to whom I went to confession said to me, "I see very special graces in you, Sister, and I am not worried about you at all; why are you torturing yourself in this way?" But at that time I did not understand at all what he was saying and was extremely surprised when, by way of penance, I was ordered to say the Te Deum or the Magnificat, or to run fast around the garden in the evening, or else to laugh out loud ten times a day. These penances were very surprising to me; but even with that the priest was not able to give me much help. Evidently, God wanted me to give Him glory through suffering.
That priest consoled me, saying that in my present situation I was more pleasing to God than if I were filled with the greatest consolations. "It is a very great grace, Sister, "he told me, "that in your present condition, with all the torments of soul you are experiencing, you not only do not offend God, but you even try to practice virtues. I am looking into your soul, and I see God's great plans and special graces there; and seeing this, I give thanks to the Lord." But despite all that, my soul was in a state of torture; and in the midst of unspeakable torments, I imitated the blind man who entrusts himself to his guide, holding his hand firmly, not giving up obedience for a single moment, and this was my only safety in this fiery trial.
69 +O Jesus, eternal Truth, strengthen my feeble
forces; You can do all things, Lord. I know that without You all my efforts are
in vain. O Jesus, do not hide from me, for I cannot live without You. Listen to
the cry of my soul. Your mercy has not been exhausted, Lord, so have pity on my
misery. Your mercy surpasses the understanding of all Angels and people put
together; and so, although it seems to me that You do not hear me, I put my
trust in the ocean of Your mercy, and I know that my hope will not be deceived.
70 Only Jesus knows how burdensome and difficult it
is to accomplish one's duties when the soul is so interiorly tortured, the
physical powers so weakened and the mind darkened. In the silence of my heart I
kept saying to myself, "O Christ, may delights, honor and glory be Yours,
and suffering be mine. I will not lag one step behind as I follow You, though
thorns wound my feet."
73 O my Jesus, despite the deep night that is all
around me and the dark clouds which hide the horizon, I know that the sun never
goes out. O Lord, though I cannot comprehend You and do not understand Your
ways, I nonetheless trust in Your mercy. If it is Your will, Lord, that I live
always in such darkness, may You be blessed. I ask You only one thing, Jesus:
do not allow me to offend You in any way. O my Jesus, You alone know the
longings and the sufferings of my heart. I am glad I can suffer for You,
however little. When I feel that the suffering is more than I can bear, I take
refuge in the Lord in the Blessed Sacrament, and I speak to Him with profound
silence.
Darkness and Temptations
77 My mind became dimmed in a strange way; no truth seemed clear to me. When people spoke to me about God, my heart was like a rock. I could not draw from it a single sentiment of love for Him. When I tried, by an act of the will, to remain close to Him, I experienced great torments, and it seemed to me that I was only provoking God to an even greater anger. It was absolutely impossible for me to meditate as I had been accustomed to do in the past. I felt in my soul a great void, and there was nothing with which I could fill it. I began to suffer from a great hunger and yearning for God, but I saw my utter powerlessness. I tried to read slowly, sentence by sentence, and to meditate in this way, but this also was of no avail. I understood nothing of what I had read.
The abyss of my misery was constantly before my eyes. Every time I entered the chapel for some spiritual exercise, I experienced even worse torments and temptations. More than once, all through Holy Mass, I had to struggle against blasphemous thoughts which were forcing themselves to my lips. I felt an aversion for the Holy Sacraments, and it seemed to me that I was not profiting from them in any way. It was only out of obedience to my confessor that I frequented them, and this blind obedience was for me the only path I could follow and my very last hope of survival. The priest explained to me that these were trials sent by God and that, in the situation I was in, not only was I not offending God, but I was most pleasing to Him. "This is a sign," he told me, "that God loves you very much and that He has great confidence in you, since He is sending you such trials." But these words brought me no comfort; it seemed to me that they did not apply to me at all.
One thing did surprise me: it often happened that, at the time when I was suffering greatly, these terrible torments would disappear suddenly just as I was approaching the confessional; but as soon as I had left the confessional, all these torments would again seize me with even greater ferocity. I would then fall on my face before the Blessed Sacrament repeating these words: "Even if You kill me, still will I trust in You!" [cf. Job 13:15] It seemed to me that I would die in these agonies. But the most terrible thought for me was the conviction that I had been rejected by God. Then other thoughts came to me: why strive to acquire virtues and do good works? why mortify and annihilate yourself? what good is it to take vows? to pray? to sacrifice and immolate yourself? why sacrifice myself all the time? what good is it - if I am already rejected by God? why all these efforts? And here, God alone knew what was going on in my heart.
77 My mind became dimmed in a strange way; no truth seemed clear to me. When people spoke to me about God, my heart was like a rock. I could not draw from it a single sentiment of love for Him. When I tried, by an act of the will, to remain close to Him, I experienced great torments, and it seemed to me that I was only provoking God to an even greater anger. It was absolutely impossible for me to meditate as I had been accustomed to do in the past. I felt in my soul a great void, and there was nothing with which I could fill it. I began to suffer from a great hunger and yearning for God, but I saw my utter powerlessness. I tried to read slowly, sentence by sentence, and to meditate in this way, but this also was of no avail. I understood nothing of what I had read.
The abyss of my misery was constantly before my eyes. Every time I entered the chapel for some spiritual exercise, I experienced even worse torments and temptations. More than once, all through Holy Mass, I had to struggle against blasphemous thoughts which were forcing themselves to my lips. I felt an aversion for the Holy Sacraments, and it seemed to me that I was not profiting from them in any way. It was only out of obedience to my confessor that I frequented them, and this blind obedience was for me the only path I could follow and my very last hope of survival. The priest explained to me that these were trials sent by God and that, in the situation I was in, not only was I not offending God, but I was most pleasing to Him. "This is a sign," he told me, "that God loves you very much and that He has great confidence in you, since He is sending you such trials." But these words brought me no comfort; it seemed to me that they did not apply to me at all.
One thing did surprise me: it often happened that, at the time when I was suffering greatly, these terrible torments would disappear suddenly just as I was approaching the confessional; but as soon as I had left the confessional, all these torments would again seize me with even greater ferocity. I would then fall on my face before the Blessed Sacrament repeating these words: "Even if You kill me, still will I trust in You!" [cf. Job 13:15] It seemed to me that I would die in these agonies. But the most terrible thought for me was the conviction that I had been rejected by God. Then other thoughts came to me: why strive to acquire virtues and do good works? why mortify and annihilate yourself? what good is it to take vows? to pray? to sacrifice and immolate yourself? why sacrifice myself all the time? what good is it - if I am already rejected by God? why all these efforts? And here, God alone knew what was going on in my heart.
78 Once when I was being crushed by these dreadful
sufferings, I went into the chapel and said from the bottom of my soul, "Do
what You will with me, O Jesus; I will adore You in everything. May Your will
be done in me, O my Lord and my God, and I will praise Your infinite
mercy." Through this act of submission, these terrible torments left me.
Suddenly I saw Jesus, who said to me, I am always in your heart. An
inconceivable joy entered my soul, and a great love of God set my heart aflame.
I see that God never tries us beyond what we are able to suffer. Oh, I fear
nothing; if God sends such great suffering to a soul, He upholds it with an
even greater grace, although we are not aware of it. One act of trust at such
moments gives greater glory to God than whole hours passed in prayer filled
with consolations. Now I see that if God wants to keep a soul in darkness, no
book, no confessor can bring it light.
90 One
day, I saw interiorly how much my confessor would have to suffer: friends will
desert you while everyone will rise up against you and your physical strength
will diminish. I saw you as a bunch of grapes chosen by the Lord and thrown
into the press of suffering. Your soul, Father, will at times be filled with
doubts about this work and about me.
I saw that God himself seemed to be opposing [him], and I asked the Lord why He was acting in this way toward him, as though He were placing obstacles in the way of his doing what He himself had asked him to do. And the Lord said, I am acting thus with him to give testimony that this work is Mine. Tell him not to fear anything; My gaze is on him day and night. There will be as many crowns to form his crown as there will be souls saved by this work. It is not for the success of a work, but for the suffering that I give reward.
I saw that God himself seemed to be opposing [him], and I asked the Lord why He was acting in this way toward him, as though He were placing obstacles in the way of his doing what He himself had asked him to do. And the Lord said, I am acting thus with him to give testimony that this work is Mine. Tell him not to fear anything; My gaze is on him day and night. There will be as many crowns to form his crown as there will be souls saved by this work. It is not for the success of a work, but for the suffering that I give reward.
93 +A Short Version of the Catechism of the Vows[39]
Q. What is a vow?
A. A vow is a voluntary promise made to God, to carry out a more perfect act.
Q. Is a vow binding in a matter which is the object of a commandment?
A. Yes. The carrying out of an act which is the object of a commandment has a double value and merit; and the neglect of such an act is a double transgression and evil, because by breaking such a vow we add to the sin against the commandment, the sin of sacrilege.
Q. Why do religious vows have such value?
A. Because they are the foundation of the religious life approved by the Church, in which the members bound together in a religious community undertake to strive always for perfection by means of the three religious vows of poverty, chastity and obedience, observed according to the rules.
Q. What is the meaning of the words, "strive for perfection?"
A. To strive for perfection means that the religious life does not in itself demand that perfection be already attained, but obliges, under the pain of sin, that we work daily to attain it. Therefore, a religious who does not want to become perfect neglects his principal duty of state.
Q. What are "solemn" religious vows?
A. " Solemn" religious vows are so absolute that, in extraordinary cases, only the Holy Father can dispense from them.
Q. What are simple religious vows?
A. These are vows which are less absolute - the Holy See dispenses from perpetual and annual vows.
Q. What is the difference between a vow and a virtue?
A. A vow pertains only to that which is commanded under pain of sin; the virtue goes beyond this and helps in the carrying out of the vow; on the other hand, by breaking the vow we fail in the virtue and do it damage.
Q. To what do the religious vows oblige us?
A. The religious vows oblige us to strive to acquire the virtues and to submit ourselves completely to our Superiors and to the Rules which are in force; thus the religious gives his own person to the Community, renouncing every right over himself and his actions, which he sacrifices to the service of God.
The Vow of Poverty
The vow of poverty is the voluntary renunciation of the right over property or to the use of such property with the purpose of pleasing God.
Q. What objects does the vow of poverty concern?
A. All those goods and those objects which appertain to the Community. We have no longer any right over anything that has been given to us, once it has been accepted, whether an article or money. All these donations and presents, which may have been given us out of gratitude or in any other way, belong by right to the Community. We cannot make use, without violating the vow, of any wages we may receive for work or even any annuity.
Q. When do we break or violate the vow in a matter which entails the seventh commandment?
A. We break or violate it when, without permission, we take for ourselves anything that belongs to the house; when, without permission, we retain something in order to appropriate it; and when, without authorization, we sell or exchange something that belongs to the Community. When we make use of an object for some other purpose than that intended by the Superior. When we give to, or accept from another, anything whatsoever without permission. When by negligence we destroy or damage something. When, in going from one house to another, we take something with us without permission. In a situation where the vow is broken, the religious is bound to restitution to the Community.
The Virtue of Poverty
This is an evangelical virtue which impels the heart to detach itself from temporal things; the religious, in virtue of his profession, is strictly obliged to it.
Q. When do we sin against the virtue of poverty? When we desire something, contrary to this virtue. When we become attached to something, and when we make use of superfluous things. How many degrees of poverty are there and what are they?
A. There are, in practice, four degrees of poverty for one who is a professed religious: to dispose of nothing without the consent of the Superiors (the strict matter of the vow); to avoid superfluities and be content with necessities (this pertains to the virtue); to readily content oneself with things of inferior quality in what concerns one's cell, clothing, nourishment, etc., and to experience this contentment interiorly; to rejoice in extreme poverty.
The Vow of Chastity
Q. To what does this vow oblige us?
A. To renounce marriage and to avoid everything that is forbidden by the sixth and ninth commandments.
Q. Is a fault against the virtue a violation of the vow?
A. Every fault against the virtue is at the same time a violation of the vow, because here there is no difference, as in the case of poverty and obedience, between the vow and the virtue.
Q. Is every bad thought a sin?
A. No, every bad thought is not a sin; it becomes so only when the acquiescence of the will and consent are joined to the consideration of the mind.
Q. Is there anything, over and above sins against chastity, which is detrimental to the virtue?
A. Lack of custody of the senses, of the imagination, of the feelings; familiarity and sentimental friendships are detrimental to the virtue.
Q. What are the means by which this virtue may be preserved?
A. To conquer interior temptations with the thought of the presence of God, and moreover to fight without fear. And for exterior temptations, to avoid occasions. There are, in all, seven principal means: to guard the senses, to avoid occasions, to avoid idleness, to remove temptations promptly, to remove oneself from all - and especially particular friendships, the spirit of mortification, and to reveal all these temptations to one's confessor.
Besides this, there are also five means of preserving this virtue: humility, the spirit of prayer, modesty of the eyes, fidelity to the rule, a sincere devotion to the Blessed Virgin Mary.
The Vow of Obedience
The vow of obedience is superior to the first two. It is, to tell the truth, a holocaust, and it is more necessary because it forms and animates the monastic body.
Q. To what does the vow of obedience oblige us?
A. By the vow of obedience, the religious promises to God to be obedient to his legitimate superiors in everything that they will ordain in virtue of the rule. The vow of obedience makes the religious dependent on his superior in virtue of these rules for his whole life and in all his affairs. A religious commits a grave sin against the vow every time he disobeys an order given in virtue of obedience and of these rules.
The Virtue of Obedience
The virtue of obedience goes further than the vow; it embraces the rules, the regulations and even the counsels of the superiors.
Q. Is the virtue of obedience indispensable for a religious?
A. The virtue of obedience is so indispensable to a religious that, even if he were to perform good actions contrary to obedience, these would be evil and without merit.
Q. Can we sin gravely against the virtue of obedience?
A. We sin gravely when we scorn the authority or the order of the superior, or when spiritual or temporal harm to the community results from our disobedience.
Q. What faults endanger the vow?
A. To be prejudiced against the superior, or to harbor an antipathy for him - murmuring and criticism, tardiness and negligence.
The Degrees of Obedience
Prompt and complete fulfillment - the obedience of the will, when the will persuades the intellect to submit to the advice of the superior. To facilitate obedience, Saint Ignatius suggests, moreover, three means: always to see God in our superior, whoever he might be; to justify in itself the order or advice of the superior; to accept each order as an order from God, without examining it or reflecting on it. General means: humility. Nothing is difficult for the humble.
Q. What is a vow?
A. A vow is a voluntary promise made to God, to carry out a more perfect act.
Q. Is a vow binding in a matter which is the object of a commandment?
A. Yes. The carrying out of an act which is the object of a commandment has a double value and merit; and the neglect of such an act is a double transgression and evil, because by breaking such a vow we add to the sin against the commandment, the sin of sacrilege.
Q. Why do religious vows have such value?
A. Because they are the foundation of the religious life approved by the Church, in which the members bound together in a religious community undertake to strive always for perfection by means of the three religious vows of poverty, chastity and obedience, observed according to the rules.
Q. What is the meaning of the words, "strive for perfection?"
A. To strive for perfection means that the religious life does not in itself demand that perfection be already attained, but obliges, under the pain of sin, that we work daily to attain it. Therefore, a religious who does not want to become perfect neglects his principal duty of state.
Q. What are "solemn" religious vows?
A. " Solemn" religious vows are so absolute that, in extraordinary cases, only the Holy Father can dispense from them.
Q. What are simple religious vows?
A. These are vows which are less absolute - the Holy See dispenses from perpetual and annual vows.
Q. What is the difference between a vow and a virtue?
A. A vow pertains only to that which is commanded under pain of sin; the virtue goes beyond this and helps in the carrying out of the vow; on the other hand, by breaking the vow we fail in the virtue and do it damage.
Q. To what do the religious vows oblige us?
A. The religious vows oblige us to strive to acquire the virtues and to submit ourselves completely to our Superiors and to the Rules which are in force; thus the religious gives his own person to the Community, renouncing every right over himself and his actions, which he sacrifices to the service of God.
The Vow of Poverty
The vow of poverty is the voluntary renunciation of the right over property or to the use of such property with the purpose of pleasing God.
Q. What objects does the vow of poverty concern?
A. All those goods and those objects which appertain to the Community. We have no longer any right over anything that has been given to us, once it has been accepted, whether an article or money. All these donations and presents, which may have been given us out of gratitude or in any other way, belong by right to the Community. We cannot make use, without violating the vow, of any wages we may receive for work or even any annuity.
Q. When do we break or violate the vow in a matter which entails the seventh commandment?
A. We break or violate it when, without permission, we take for ourselves anything that belongs to the house; when, without permission, we retain something in order to appropriate it; and when, without authorization, we sell or exchange something that belongs to the Community. When we make use of an object for some other purpose than that intended by the Superior. When we give to, or accept from another, anything whatsoever without permission. When by negligence we destroy or damage something. When, in going from one house to another, we take something with us without permission. In a situation where the vow is broken, the religious is bound to restitution to the Community.
The Virtue of Poverty
This is an evangelical virtue which impels the heart to detach itself from temporal things; the religious, in virtue of his profession, is strictly obliged to it.
Q. When do we sin against the virtue of poverty? When we desire something, contrary to this virtue. When we become attached to something, and when we make use of superfluous things. How many degrees of poverty are there and what are they?
A. There are, in practice, four degrees of poverty for one who is a professed religious: to dispose of nothing without the consent of the Superiors (the strict matter of the vow); to avoid superfluities and be content with necessities (this pertains to the virtue); to readily content oneself with things of inferior quality in what concerns one's cell, clothing, nourishment, etc., and to experience this contentment interiorly; to rejoice in extreme poverty.
The Vow of Chastity
Q. To what does this vow oblige us?
A. To renounce marriage and to avoid everything that is forbidden by the sixth and ninth commandments.
Q. Is a fault against the virtue a violation of the vow?
A. Every fault against the virtue is at the same time a violation of the vow, because here there is no difference, as in the case of poverty and obedience, between the vow and the virtue.
Q. Is every bad thought a sin?
A. No, every bad thought is not a sin; it becomes so only when the acquiescence of the will and consent are joined to the consideration of the mind.
Q. Is there anything, over and above sins against chastity, which is detrimental to the virtue?
A. Lack of custody of the senses, of the imagination, of the feelings; familiarity and sentimental friendships are detrimental to the virtue.
Q. What are the means by which this virtue may be preserved?
A. To conquer interior temptations with the thought of the presence of God, and moreover to fight without fear. And for exterior temptations, to avoid occasions. There are, in all, seven principal means: to guard the senses, to avoid occasions, to avoid idleness, to remove temptations promptly, to remove oneself from all - and especially particular friendships, the spirit of mortification, and to reveal all these temptations to one's confessor.
Besides this, there are also five means of preserving this virtue: humility, the spirit of prayer, modesty of the eyes, fidelity to the rule, a sincere devotion to the Blessed Virgin Mary.
The Vow of Obedience
The vow of obedience is superior to the first two. It is, to tell the truth, a holocaust, and it is more necessary because it forms and animates the monastic body.
Q. To what does the vow of obedience oblige us?
A. By the vow of obedience, the religious promises to God to be obedient to his legitimate superiors in everything that they will ordain in virtue of the rule. The vow of obedience makes the religious dependent on his superior in virtue of these rules for his whole life and in all his affairs. A religious commits a grave sin against the vow every time he disobeys an order given in virtue of obedience and of these rules.
The Virtue of Obedience
The virtue of obedience goes further than the vow; it embraces the rules, the regulations and even the counsels of the superiors.
Q. Is the virtue of obedience indispensable for a religious?
A. The virtue of obedience is so indispensable to a religious that, even if he were to perform good actions contrary to obedience, these would be evil and without merit.
Q. Can we sin gravely against the virtue of obedience?
A. We sin gravely when we scorn the authority or the order of the superior, or when spiritual or temporal harm to the community results from our disobedience.
Q. What faults endanger the vow?
A. To be prejudiced against the superior, or to harbor an antipathy for him - murmuring and criticism, tardiness and negligence.
The Degrees of Obedience
Prompt and complete fulfillment - the obedience of the will, when the will persuades the intellect to submit to the advice of the superior. To facilitate obedience, Saint Ignatius suggests, moreover, three means: always to see God in our superior, whoever he might be; to justify in itself the order or advice of the superior; to accept each order as an order from God, without examining it or reflecting on it. General means: humility. Nothing is difficult for the humble.
94 O my Lord, inflame my heart with love for You,
that my spirit may not grow weary amidst the storms, the sufferings and the
trials. You see how weak I am. Love can do all.
95 +A Deeper Knowledge of God and
the Terror of the Soul.
In the beginning, God lets himself be known as Holiness, Justice, Goodness - that is to say, Mercy. The soul does not come to know this all at once, but piecemeal, in flashes; that is to say, when God draws near. And this does not last for long, because the soul could not bear such light. During prayer the soul experiences flashes of this light which make it impossible to pray as before. Try as it may to force itself to pray as it did before, all is in vain; it becomes completely impossible for it to continue to pray as it did before it received this light. This light which has touched the soul is alive within it, and nothing can either quench or diminish it. This flash of the knowledge of God draws the soul and enkindles its love for Him.
But this same flash, at the same time, allows the soul to know itself as it is; the soul sees its whole interior in a superior light, and it rises up alarmed and terrified. Still, it does not remain under the effects of terror, but it begins to purify itself, to humble and abase itself before the Lord. These lights become stronger and more frequent; the more the soul is crystallized, the more these lights penetrate it. However, if the soul has responded faithfully and courageously to these first graces, God fills it with His consolations and gives himself to it in a perceptible manner. At certain moments, the soul, as it were, enters into intimacy with God and greatly rejoices in this; it believes that it has already reached the degree of perfection destined for it, because its defects and faults are asleep within it, and this makes it think that they no longer exist. Nothing seems difficult for it; it is ready for everything. It begins to plunge itself into God and taste the divine delights. It is carried along by grace and does not take account of the fact that the time of trial and testing may come. And, in fact, this state does not last long. Other moments will soon come. I should add here, however, that the soul will respond more faithfully to divine grace if it has a well - informed confessor to whom it can confide everything.
In the beginning, God lets himself be known as Holiness, Justice, Goodness - that is to say, Mercy. The soul does not come to know this all at once, but piecemeal, in flashes; that is to say, when God draws near. And this does not last for long, because the soul could not bear such light. During prayer the soul experiences flashes of this light which make it impossible to pray as before. Try as it may to force itself to pray as it did before, all is in vain; it becomes completely impossible for it to continue to pray as it did before it received this light. This light which has touched the soul is alive within it, and nothing can either quench or diminish it. This flash of the knowledge of God draws the soul and enkindles its love for Him.
But this same flash, at the same time, allows the soul to know itself as it is; the soul sees its whole interior in a superior light, and it rises up alarmed and terrified. Still, it does not remain under the effects of terror, but it begins to purify itself, to humble and abase itself before the Lord. These lights become stronger and more frequent; the more the soul is crystallized, the more these lights penetrate it. However, if the soul has responded faithfully and courageously to these first graces, God fills it with His consolations and gives himself to it in a perceptible manner. At certain moments, the soul, as it were, enters into intimacy with God and greatly rejoices in this; it believes that it has already reached the degree of perfection destined for it, because its defects and faults are asleep within it, and this makes it think that they no longer exist. Nothing seems difficult for it; it is ready for everything. It begins to plunge itself into God and taste the divine delights. It is carried along by grace and does not take account of the fact that the time of trial and testing may come. And, in fact, this state does not last long. Other moments will soon come. I should add here, however, that the soul will respond more faithfully to divine grace if it has a well - informed confessor to whom it can confide everything.
+ The Trial of Trials, Complete Abandonment -
Despair
98 When the soul comes out victorious from the preceding trials, even though it may stumble here and there, it fights on valiantly, humbly calling upon God, "Save me, I am perishing!" And it is still able to fight on.
At this point, however, the soul is engulfed in a horrible night. It sees within itself only sin. It feels terrible. It sees itself completely abandoned by God. It feels itself to be the object of His hatred. It is but one step away from despair. The soul does its best to defend itself; it tries to stir up its confidence; but prayer is an even greater torment for it, as this prayer seems to arouse God to an even greater anger. The soul finds itself poised on the summit of a lofty mountain on the very brink of a precipice.
The soul is drawn to God, but feels repulsed. All other sufferings and tortures in the world are as nothing compared with this sensation into which it has been plunged; namely, that of being rejected by God. No one can bring it any relief; it finds itself completely alone; there is no one to defend it. It raises its eyes to heaven, but is convinced that this is not for her-for her all is lost. It falls deeper and deeper from darkness to darkness, and it seems to it that it has lost forever the God it used to love so dearly. This thought is torture beyond all description. But the soul does not agree to it and tries to lift its gaze toward heaven, but in vain! And this makes the torture even more intense.
If God wishes to keep the soul in such darkness, no one will be able to give it light. It experiences rejection by God in a vivid and terrifying manner. From its heart burst forth painful moans, so painful that no priest will comprehend it, unless he himself has been through these trials. In the midst of this, the evil spirit adds to the soul's suffering, mocking it: "Will you persist in your faithfulness? This is your reward; you are in our power!" But Satan has only as much influence over the soul as God allows him, and God knows how much we can bear. "What have you gotten out of your mortifications," says Satan, "and out of your fidelity to the rule? What use are all these efforts? You have been rejected by God!" This word, rejected, becomes a fire which penetrates every nerve to the marrow of the bone. It pierces right through her entire being. The ordeal reaches its climax. The soul no longer looks for help anywhere. It shrinks into itself and loses sight of everything; it is as though it has accepted the torture of being abandoned. This is a moment for which I have no words. This is the agony of the soul.
98 When the soul comes out victorious from the preceding trials, even though it may stumble here and there, it fights on valiantly, humbly calling upon God, "Save me, I am perishing!" And it is still able to fight on.
At this point, however, the soul is engulfed in a horrible night. It sees within itself only sin. It feels terrible. It sees itself completely abandoned by God. It feels itself to be the object of His hatred. It is but one step away from despair. The soul does its best to defend itself; it tries to stir up its confidence; but prayer is an even greater torment for it, as this prayer seems to arouse God to an even greater anger. The soul finds itself poised on the summit of a lofty mountain on the very brink of a precipice.
The soul is drawn to God, but feels repulsed. All other sufferings and tortures in the world are as nothing compared with this sensation into which it has been plunged; namely, that of being rejected by God. No one can bring it any relief; it finds itself completely alone; there is no one to defend it. It raises its eyes to heaven, but is convinced that this is not for her-for her all is lost. It falls deeper and deeper from darkness to darkness, and it seems to it that it has lost forever the God it used to love so dearly. This thought is torture beyond all description. But the soul does not agree to it and tries to lift its gaze toward heaven, but in vain! And this makes the torture even more intense.
If God wishes to keep the soul in such darkness, no one will be able to give it light. It experiences rejection by God in a vivid and terrifying manner. From its heart burst forth painful moans, so painful that no priest will comprehend it, unless he himself has been through these trials. In the midst of this, the evil spirit adds to the soul's suffering, mocking it: "Will you persist in your faithfulness? This is your reward; you are in our power!" But Satan has only as much influence over the soul as God allows him, and God knows how much we can bear. "What have you gotten out of your mortifications," says Satan, "and out of your fidelity to the rule? What use are all these efforts? You have been rejected by God!" This word, rejected, becomes a fire which penetrates every nerve to the marrow of the bone. It pierces right through her entire being. The ordeal reaches its climax. The soul no longer looks for help anywhere. It shrinks into itself and loses sight of everything; it is as though it has accepted the torture of being abandoned. This is a moment for which I have no words. This is the agony of the soul.
101 Jesus, You alone know how the soul, engulfed in
darkness, moans in the midst of these torments and, despite all this, thirsts
for God as burning lips thirst for water. It dies and withers; it dies a death
without death; that is to say, it cannot die. All its efforts come to nothing;
it is under a powerful hand. Now the soul comes under the power of the Just
One. All exterior temptations cease; all that surrounds it becomes silent, like
a dying person who loses contact with everything around it: the person's entire
soul is in the hand of the Just God, the Thrice-Holy God,-rejected for all
eternity! This is the culminating moment, and God alone can test a soul in this
way, because He alone knows what the soul can endure.
When the soul has been saturated through and through by this infernal fire, it is, as it were, cast headlong into great despair. My soul experienced this moment when I was all alone in my cell. When my soul began to sink into this despair, I felt that the end was near. But I seized my little crucifix and clutched it tightly in my hand. And now I felt my body separate itself from my soul; and though I wanted to go to my Superiors, I no longer had the physical strength. I uttered my last words: "I trust in Your Mercy!"-and it seemed to me that I provoked God to an even greater anger. And now I was drowned in despair, and all that was left me was a moan of unadulterated pain which, from time to time, tore itself from my soul. The soul is in agony-and it seemed to me that I would remain in this state, because by my own strength I could not emerge from it. Every recollection of God opened up an unspeakable ocean of suffering, and yet despite this there is something within the soul which is drawn to Him, though it seems to her for this only-that she suffer more. The memory of the love with which God formerly surrounded it is still another kind of suffering. His gaze pierces it, and everything within the soul is burned by this gaze.
When the soul has been saturated through and through by this infernal fire, it is, as it were, cast headlong into great despair. My soul experienced this moment when I was all alone in my cell. When my soul began to sink into this despair, I felt that the end was near. But I seized my little crucifix and clutched it tightly in my hand. And now I felt my body separate itself from my soul; and though I wanted to go to my Superiors, I no longer had the physical strength. I uttered my last words: "I trust in Your Mercy!"-and it seemed to me that I provoked God to an even greater anger. And now I was drowned in despair, and all that was left me was a moan of unadulterated pain which, from time to time, tore itself from my soul. The soul is in agony-and it seemed to me that I would remain in this state, because by my own strength I could not emerge from it. Every recollection of God opened up an unspeakable ocean of suffering, and yet despite this there is something within the soul which is drawn to Him, though it seems to her for this only-that she suffer more. The memory of the love with which God formerly surrounded it is still another kind of suffering. His gaze pierces it, and everything within the soul is burned by this gaze.
104 I
want to add that, although my soul was already in the rays of His love, traces
of my past tortures remained on my body for two days: a deathly pale face and
bloodshot eyes. Jesus alone knows what I suffered. What I have written is very
poor compared to the reality. I cannot put it in words; it seemed to me that I
had come back from the other world. I feel an aversion for everything that is
created; I snuggle to the heart of God like a baby to its mother's breast. I
see everything differently now. I am conscious of what the Lord, by one single
word, has done in my soul, and I live by it. I shudder at the recollection of
this past torture. I would not have believed that one could suffer so, if I had
not gone through it myself. This is a completely spiritual suffering.
105 However, in all these
sufferings and struggles, I was not omitting Holy Communion. When it seemed to
me that I should not communicate, I went, before Holy Communion, to the
Directress and told her that I could not approach the Sacrament, because it
seemed to me that I should not do so. But she would not permit me to omit Holy
Communion, so I went, and I understand now that it was only obedience that
saved me.
The Directress herself told me later that my trials had passed quickly, "and this solely because you were obedient, Sister; and it was through the power of obedience that you struggled through this so bravely." It is true that it was the Lord himself who brought me out of this torment, but my fidelity to obedience did please Him.
The Directress herself told me later that my trials had passed quickly, "and this solely because you were obedient, Sister; and it was through the power of obedience that you struggled through this so bravely." It is true that it was the Lord himself who brought me out of this torment, but my fidelity to obedience did please Him.
106 Though these are frightening
things, the soul should not be too fearful, because God will never test us
beyond what we are able to bear. On the other hand, He may never send us such
sufferings, but I write this because, if it pleases the Lord to let a soul pass
through such sufferings, it should not be afraid but, insofar as this depends
on the soul itself, it should remain faithful to God. God will do a soul no
harm, because He is Love itself, and in this unfathomable love has called it
into being. However, when I was so tormented, I myself did not understand this.
109 After such sufferings the
soul finds itself in a state of great purity of spirit and very close to God.
But I should add that during these spiritual torments it is close to God, but
it is blind. The soul's vision is plunged into darkness, and though God is
nearer than ever to the soul which is suffering, the whole secret consists in
the fact that it knows nothing of this. The soul in fact declares that, not only
has God abandoned it, but it is the object of His hatred. With how great a
malady are they eyes of the soul afflicted! When struck by divine light, the
soul affirms that this light does not exist, although it is precisely because
this divine light is so bright that it is blinded. Yet despite all, I learned
later that God is closer to a soul at such moments than at others, because it
would not be able to endure these trials with the help of ordinary grace alone.
God's omnipotence and an extraordinary grace must be active here, for otherwise
the soul would succumb at the first blow.
111 When,
in the midst of these interior torments, I tried to accuse myself in confession
of the smallest trifles, the priest was surprised that I had not committed
graver faults, and he said to me, "If you are as faithful as this to God
during these sufferings, this in itself is evidence to me that God is
sustaining you, Sister, with a special grace, and it is a good thing that you
do not understand this." It is a strange thing, nevertheless, that
confessors could neither understand me nor set my mind at peace concerning
these matters, until I met Father Andrasz and, later on, Father Sopocko.
114 +Oh,
how pleasing are the hymns flowing from a suffering soul! All heaven delights
in such a soul, especially when it is tested by God. It mournfully sings out
its longing for Him. Great is its beauty, because it comes from God. The soul
walks through the jungle of life, wounded by God's love. With one foot only it
touches the ground.
115 +
When a soul has come out of these tribulations, it is deeply humble. Its purity
of soul is great. It knows better without need of reflecting, as it were, what
it ought to do at a given moment and what to forbear. It feels the lightest
touch of grace and is very faithful to God. It recognizes God from afar and
continuously rejoices in Him. It discovers God very quickly in other souls and
in its environment in general. The soul has been purified by God himself. God,
as Pure Spirit, introduces the soul to a life which is purely spiritual. God
himself has first prepared and purified the soul; that is, He has made it
capable of close communion with himself. The soul, in a state of loving repose,
communes spiritually with the Lord. It speaks to God without the need of
expressing itself through the senses. God fills it with His light.
The enlightened mind sees clearly and distinguishes the various degrees of the spiritual life. It recognizes [that state] when its union with God was imperfect: where the senses were involved, and the spirit was linked with the senses in a manner-exalted and special, to be sure but not yet perfect. There is a higher and more perfect union with God; namely, intellectual union. Here, the soul is safer from illusions; its spirituality is purer and more profound. In a life where the senses are involved, there is more danger of illusion. Both for the soul and for its confessor, prudence must play a greater part. There are moments when God introduces the soul to a purely spiritual state. The senses dim and are seemingly dead. The soul is most closely united to God; it is immersed in the Deity; its knowledge is complete and perfect, not sporadic as before, but total and absolute. It rejoices in this. But I want to say more about those moments of trial; at those times the confessor must have patience with such a soul. But the soul must have even greater patience with itself.
The enlightened mind sees clearly and distinguishes the various degrees of the spiritual life. It recognizes [that state] when its union with God was imperfect: where the senses were involved, and the spirit was linked with the senses in a manner-exalted and special, to be sure but not yet perfect. There is a higher and more perfect union with God; namely, intellectual union. Here, the soul is safer from illusions; its spirituality is purer and more profound. In a life where the senses are involved, there is more danger of illusion. Both for the soul and for its confessor, prudence must play a greater part. There are moments when God introduces the soul to a purely spiritual state. The senses dim and are seemingly dead. The soul is most closely united to God; it is immersed in the Deity; its knowledge is complete and perfect, not sporadic as before, but total and absolute. It rejoices in this. But I want to say more about those moments of trial; at those times the confessor must have patience with such a soul. But the soul must have even greater patience with itself.
116 My
Jesus, You know what my soul goes through at the recollection of these
sufferings. I have often marvelled that the angels and saints hold their peace
at the sight of a soul suffering like that. Yet they have special love for us
at such moments. My soul has often cried out after God, as a little child who
cries as loudly as he can when his mother covers her face and he cannot
recognize her. O my Jesus, honor and glory to You for these trials of love!
Great and incomprehensible is your mercy. All that You intended for my soul, O
Lord, is steeped in Your mercy.
135 During the third probation, the Lord gave me to
understand that I should offer myself to Him so that He could do with me as He
pleased. I was to remain standing before Him as a victim offering. At first, I
was quite frightened, as I felt myself to be so utterly miserable and knew very
well that this was the case. I answered the Lord once again, "I am misery
itself; how can I be a hostage [for others]? You do not understand this
today. Tomorrow, during your adoration, I will make it known to you. My
heart trembled, as did my soul, so deeply did these words sink into my soul.
The word of God is living. When I came to the adoration, I felt within my soul
that I had entered the temple of the living God, whose majesty is great and
incomprehensible. And He made known to me what even the purest spirits are in
His sight. Although I saw nothing externally, God's presence pervaded me. At
that very moment my intellect was strangely illumined. A vision passed before
the eyes of my soul; it was like the vision Jesus had in the Garden of Olives.
First, the physical sufferings and all the circumstances that would increase
them; [then] the full scope of the spiritual sufferings and those that no one
would know about. Everything entered into the vision: false suspicions, loss of
good name. I've summarized it here, but this knowledge was already so clear
that what I went through later on was in no way different from what I had known
at that moment. My name is to be: "sacrifice." When the vision ended,
a cold sweat bathed my forehead. Jesus made it known to me that, even if I did
not give my consent to this, I could still be saved; and He would not lessen
His graces, but would still continue to have the same intimate relationship
with me, so that even if I did not consent to make this sacrifice, God's
generosity would not lessen thereby.
136 And
the Lord gave me to know that the whole mystery depended on me, on my free
consent to the sacrifice given with full use of my faculties. In this free and
conscious act lies the whole power and value before His Majesty. Even if none
of these things for which I offered myself would ever happen to me, before the
Lord everything was as though it had already been consummated.
At that moment, I realized I was entering into communion with the incomprehensible Majesty. I felt that God was waiting for my word, for my consent. Then my spirit immersed itself in the Lord, and I said, "Do with me as You please. I subject myself to Your will. As of today, Your holy will shall be my nourishment, and I will be faithful to Your commands with the help of Your grace. Do with me as You please. I beg You, O Lord, be with me at every moment of my life."
At that moment, I realized I was entering into communion with the incomprehensible Majesty. I felt that God was waiting for my word, for my consent. Then my spirit immersed itself in the Lord, and I said, "Do with me as You please. I subject myself to Your will. As of today, Your holy will shall be my nourishment, and I will be faithful to Your commands with the help of Your grace. Do with me as You please. I beg You, O Lord, be with me at every moment of my life."
137 Suddenly, when I had consented to the sacrifice
with all my heart and all my will, God's presence pervaded me. My soul became
immersed in God and was inundated with such happiness that I cannot put in
writing even the smallest part of it. I felt that His Majesty was enveloping
me. I was extraordinarily fused with God. I saw that God was well pleased with
me and, reciprocally, my spirit drowned itself in Him. Aware of this union with
God, I felt I was especially loved and, in turn, I loved with all my soul. A
great mystery took place during that adoration, a mystery between the Lord and
myself. It seemed to me that I would die of love [at the sight of] His glance.
I spoke much with the Lord, without uttering a single word. And the Lord said
to me, You are the delight of My Heart; from today on, every one of your
acts, even the very smallest, will be a delight to My eyes, whatever you do. At
that moment I felt transconsecrated. My earthly body was the same, but my soul
was different; God was now living in it with the totality of His delight. This
is not a feeling, but a conscious reality that nothing can obscure.
138 A great mystery has been accomplished between
God and me. Courage and strength have remained in my soul. When the time of
adoration came to an end, I came out and calmly faced everything I had feared
so much before. When I came out into the corridor, a great suffering and
humiliation, at the hands of a certain person, was awaiting me. I accepted it
with submission to a higher will and snuggled closely to the Most Sacred Heart
of Jesus, letting Him know that I was ready for that for which I had offered
myself.
Suffering seemed to spring out of the ground. Even Mother Margaret herself was surprised. For others, many things passed unnoticed, for indeed it wasn't worth paying any attention to them; but in my case, nothing passed unnoticed; each word was analyzed, each step watched. One sister said to me, "Get ready, Sister, to receive a small cross at the hands of Mother Superior. I feel sorry for you." But as for me, I rejoiced at this in the depths of my soul and had been ready for it for a long time. When she saw my courage, she was surprised. I see now that a soul cannot do much of itself, but with God it can do all things. Behold what God's grace can do. Few are the souls that are always watchful for divine graces, and even fewer of such souls who follow those inspirations faithfully.
Suffering seemed to spring out of the ground. Even Mother Margaret herself was surprised. For others, many things passed unnoticed, for indeed it wasn't worth paying any attention to them; but in my case, nothing passed unnoticed; each word was analyzed, each step watched. One sister said to me, "Get ready, Sister, to receive a small cross at the hands of Mother Superior. I feel sorry for you." But as for me, I rejoiced at this in the depths of my soul and had been ready for it for a long time. When she saw my courage, she was surprised. I see now that a soul cannot do much of itself, but with God it can do all things. Behold what God's grace can do. Few are the souls that are always watchful for divine graces, and even fewer of such souls who follow those inspirations faithfully.
148 +A
noble and delicate soul, even the most simple, but one of delicate
sensibilities, sees God in everything, finds Him everywhere, and knows how to
find Him in even the most hidden things. It finds all things important, it highly
appreciates all things, it thanks God for all things, it draws profit for the
soul from all things, and it gives all glory to God. It places its trust in God
and is not confused when the time of ordeals comes. It knows that God is always
the best of Fathers and makes little of human opinion. It follows faithfully
the faintest breath of the Holy Spirit; it rejoices in this Spiritual Guest and
holds onto Him like a child to its mother. Where other souls come to a
standstill and fear, this soul passes on without fear or difficulty.
149 When
the Lord himself wants to be close to a soul and to lead it, He will remove
everything that is external. When I fell ill and was taken to the infirmary, I
suffered much unpleasantness because of this. There were two of us sick in the
infirmary. Sisters would come to see Sister N., but no one came to visit me. It
is true that there was only one infirmary, but each one had her own cell. The
winter nights were long, and Sister N. had the light and the radio headphones, while
I could not even prepare my meditation for lack of a light.
When nearly two weeks had passed in this way, I complained to the Lord one evening that I was suffering so much and that I could not even prepare my meditation because there was no light. And the Lord said that He would come every evening and give me the points for the next day's meditation. These points always concerned His sorrowful Passion. He would say, Consider My sufferings before Pilate. And thus, point by point, I meditated upon His sorrowful Passion for one week. From that moment, a great joy entered my soul, and I no longer wanted either the visitors or the light; Jesus sufficed me for everything. The superiors were indeed very solicitous for the sick, but the Lord ordained that I should feel forsaken. This best of masters withdraws every created thing in order that He himself might act. Many a time, I have experienced such sufferings and persecutions that Mother M. [probably Mother Margaret] herself said to me, "Sister, along your path, sufferings just spring up out of the ground. I look upon you, Sister, as one crucified. But I can see that Jesus has a hand in this. Be faithful to the Lord."
When nearly two weeks had passed in this way, I complained to the Lord one evening that I was suffering so much and that I could not even prepare my meditation because there was no light. And the Lord said that He would come every evening and give me the points for the next day's meditation. These points always concerned His sorrowful Passion. He would say, Consider My sufferings before Pilate. And thus, point by point, I meditated upon His sorrowful Passion for one week. From that moment, a great joy entered my soul, and I no longer wanted either the visitors or the light; Jesus sufficed me for everything. The superiors were indeed very solicitous for the sick, but the Lord ordained that I should feel forsaken. This best of masters withdraws every created thing in order that He himself might act. Many a time, I have experienced such sufferings and persecutions that Mother M. [probably Mother Margaret] herself said to me, "Sister, along your path, sufferings just spring up out of the ground. I look upon you, Sister, as one crucified. But I can see that Jesus has a hand in this. Be faithful to the Lord."
150 + I
want to write down a dream that I had about Saint Therese of the Child Jesus. I
was still a novice at the time and was going through some difficulties which I
did not know how to overcome. They were interior difficulties connected with
exterior ones. I made novenas to various saints, but the situation grew more
and more difficult. The sufferings it caused me were so great that I did not
know how to go on living, but suddenly the thought occurred to me that I should
pray to Saint Therese of the Child Jesus. I started a novena to this Saint,
because before entering the convent I had had a great devotion to her. Lately I
had somewhat neglected this devotion, but in my need I began again to pray with
great fervor.
On the fifth day of the novena, I dreamed of Saint Therese, but it was as if she were still living on earth. She hid from me the fact that she was a saint and began to comfort me, saying that I should not be worried about this matter, but should trust more in God. She said, "I suffered greatly, too," but I did not quite believe her and said, "It seems to me that you have not suffered at all." But Saint Therese answered me in a convincing manner that she had suffered very much indeed and said to me, "Sister, know that in three days the difficulty will come to a happy conclusion." When I was not very willing to believe her, she revealed to me that she was a saint. At that moment, a great joy filled my soul, and I said to her, "You are a saint?" "Yes," she answered, "I am a saint. Trust that this matter will be resolved in three days:" And I said, "Dear sweet Therese, tell me, shall I go to heaven?" And she answered, "Yes, you will go to heaven, Sister." "And will I be a saint?" To which she replied, "Yes, you will be a saint." "But, little Therese, shall I be a saint as you are, raised to the altar?" And she answered, "Yes, you will be a saint just as I am, but you must trust in the Lord Jesus." I then asked her if my mother and father would go to heaven, will [unfinished sentence] And she replied that they would. I further asked, "And will my brothers and sisters go to heaven?" She told me to pray hard for them, but gave me no definite answer. I understood that they were in need of much prayer.
This was a dream. And as the proverb goes, dreams are phantoms; God is faith. Nevertheless, three days later the difficulty was solved very easily, just as she had said. And everything in this affair turned out exactly as she said it would. It was a dream, but it had its significance.
On the fifth day of the novena, I dreamed of Saint Therese, but it was as if she were still living on earth. She hid from me the fact that she was a saint and began to comfort me, saying that I should not be worried about this matter, but should trust more in God. She said, "I suffered greatly, too," but I did not quite believe her and said, "It seems to me that you have not suffered at all." But Saint Therese answered me in a convincing manner that she had suffered very much indeed and said to me, "Sister, know that in three days the difficulty will come to a happy conclusion." When I was not very willing to believe her, she revealed to me that she was a saint. At that moment, a great joy filled my soul, and I said to her, "You are a saint?" "Yes," she answered, "I am a saint. Trust that this matter will be resolved in three days:" And I said, "Dear sweet Therese, tell me, shall I go to heaven?" And she answered, "Yes, you will go to heaven, Sister." "And will I be a saint?" To which she replied, "Yes, you will be a saint." "But, little Therese, shall I be a saint as you are, raised to the altar?" And she answered, "Yes, you will be a saint just as I am, but you must trust in the Lord Jesus." I then asked her if my mother and father would go to heaven, will [unfinished sentence] And she replied that they would. I further asked, "And will my brothers and sisters go to heaven?" She told me to pray hard for them, but gave me no definite answer. I understood that they were in need of much prayer.
This was a dream. And as the proverb goes, dreams are phantoms; God is faith. Nevertheless, three days later the difficulty was solved very easily, just as she had said. And everything in this affair turned out exactly as she said it would. It was a dream, but it had its significance.
208 O you small, everyday sacrifices, you are to me
like wild flowers which I strew over the feet of my beloved Jesus. I sometimes
compare these trifles to the heroic virtues, and that is because their enduring
nature demands heroism.
367 +On one occasion, Jesus gave me to know that
when I pray for intentions which people are wont to entrust to me, He is always
ready to grant His graces, but souls do not always want to accept them: My
Heart overflows with great mercy for souls, and especially for poor sinners. If
only they could understand that I am the best of Fathers to them and that it is
for them that the Blood and Water flowed from My Heart as from a fount
overflowing with mercy. For them I dwell in the tabernacle as King of Mercy. I
desire to bestow My graces upon souls, but they do not want to accept them.
You, at least, come to Me as often as possible and take these graces they do
not want to accept. In this way you will console My Heart. Oh, how indifferent
are souls to so much goodness, to so many proofs of love! My Heart drinks only
of the ingratitude and forgetfulness of souls living in the world. They have
time for everything, but they have no time to come to Me for graces.
So I turn to you, you-chosen souls, will you also fail to understand the love of My Heart? Here, too, My Heart finds disappointment; I do not find complete surrender to My love. So many reservations, so much distrust, so much caution. To comfort you, let Me tell you that there are souls living in the world who love Me dearly. I dwell In their hearts with delight. But they are few. In convents too, there are souls that fill My Heart with joy. They bear My features; therefore the Heavenly Father looks upon them with special pleasure. They will be a marvel to Angels and men. Their number is very small. They are a defense for the world before the justice of the Heavenly Father and a means of obtaining mercy for the world. The love and sacrifice of these souls sustain the world in existence. The infidelity of a soul specially chosen by Me wounds My Heart most painfully. Such infidelities are swords which pierce My Heart.
So I turn to you, you-chosen souls, will you also fail to understand the love of My Heart? Here, too, My Heart finds disappointment; I do not find complete surrender to My love. So many reservations, so much distrust, so much caution. To comfort you, let Me tell you that there are souls living in the world who love Me dearly. I dwell In their hearts with delight. But they are few. In convents too, there are souls that fill My Heart with joy. They bear My features; therefore the Heavenly Father looks upon them with special pleasure. They will be a marvel to Angels and men. Their number is very small. They are a defense for the world before the justice of the Heavenly Father and a means of obtaining mercy for the world. The love and sacrifice of these souls sustain the world in existence. The infidelity of a soul specially chosen by Me wounds My Heart most painfully. Such infidelities are swords which pierce My Heart.
482 O my God, I am conscious of
my mission in the Holy Church. It is my constant endeavor to plead for me mercy
for the world. I unite myself closely with Jesus and stand before Him as an
atoning sacrifice on behalf of the world. God will refuse me nothing when I
entreat Him with the voice of His Son. My sacrifice is nothing in itself, but
when I join it to the sacrifice of Jesus Christ, it becomes all-powerful and
has the power to appease divine wrath. God loves us in His Son; the painful
Passion of the Son of God constantly turns aside the wrath of God.
483 O God, how I desire that
souls come to know You and to see that You have created them because of Your
unfathomable love. O my Creator and Lord, I feel that I am going to remove the
veil of heaven so that earth will not doubt Your goodness.
Make of me, Jesus, a pure and agreeable offering before the Face of Your Father. Jesus, transform me, miserable and sinful as I am, into Your own self (for You can do all things), and give me to Your Eternal Father. I want t become a sacrificial host before You, but an ordinary wafer to people. I want the fragrance of my sacrifice be known to You alone. O Eternal God, an unquenchable fire of supplication for Your mercy burns within me. I know and understand that this is my task here and in eternity. You yourself have told me to speak about this great mercy and about Your goodness.
Make of me, Jesus, a pure and agreeable offering before the Face of Your Father. Jesus, transform me, miserable and sinful as I am, into Your own self (for You can do all things), and give me to Your Eternal Father. I want t become a sacrificial host before You, but an ordinary wafer to people. I want the fragrance of my sacrifice be known to You alone. O Eternal God, an unquenchable fire of supplication for Your mercy burns within me. I know and understand that this is my task here and in eternity. You yourself have told me to speak about this great mercy and about Your goodness.
485 I accept joy or suffering,
praise or humiliation with the same disposition. I remember that one and the
other are passing. What does it matter to me what people say about me? I have
long ago given up everything that concerns my person. My name is host-or
sacrifice, not in words but in deeds, in the emptying of myself and in becoming
like You on the Cross, O good Jesus, my Master!
507 I desire, O my Jesus, to
suffer and burn with the flame of Your love in all the circumstances of my
life. I am Yours, completely Yours, and I wish to disappear in You, O Jesus, I
wish to be lost in Your divine beauty. You pursue me with Your love, O Lord;
You penetrate my soul like a ray of the sun and change its darkness into Your
light. I feel very vividly that I am living in You as one small spark swallowed
up by the incomprehensible fire with which You burn, O inconceivable Trinity!
No greater joy is to be found than that of loving God. Already here on earth we
can taste the happiness of those in heaven by an intimate union with God, a
union that is extraordinary and often quite incomprehensible to us. One can
attain this very grace through simple faithfulness of soul.
509 In the adversities that I
experience, I remind myself that the time for doing battle has not yet come to
an end. I arm myself with patience, and in this way I defeat my assailant.
530 To the Glory of the Holy
Trinity.
I asked Mother Superior [Borgia] to permit me to make a forty-day fast, taking once a day a piece of bread and a glass of water. However, following the advice of my confessor [Father Sopocko], Mother Superior did not agree to forty days, but to seven. "I cannot take you away from your duties completely, Sister, because of the other sisters who might notice something. I give you my permission to devote yourself to prayer and to note down some of these things, but it will be very difficult for me to protect you as regards the fasting. Really, I can think of no solution to this," and she said, "Go now, Sister, and perhaps some light will come to me." On Sunday morning, I understood that when Mother Superior assigned me as portress during mealtime, she was doing so with the thought of giving me the opportunity to fast. In the morning, I did not go to breakfast, but, a little while later, I went to Mother Superior and asked her whether I had been assigned as portress in view of making it possible for me to fast unnoticed. Mother replied, "When I assigned you, [106] Sister, it was with this in mind." I then saw that this was the same thought that I had had interiorly.
I asked Mother Superior [Borgia] to permit me to make a forty-day fast, taking once a day a piece of bread and a glass of water. However, following the advice of my confessor [Father Sopocko], Mother Superior did not agree to forty days, but to seven. "I cannot take you away from your duties completely, Sister, because of the other sisters who might notice something. I give you my permission to devote yourself to prayer and to note down some of these things, but it will be very difficult for me to protect you as regards the fasting. Really, I can think of no solution to this," and she said, "Go now, Sister, and perhaps some light will come to me." On Sunday morning, I understood that when Mother Superior assigned me as portress during mealtime, she was doing so with the thought of giving me the opportunity to fast. In the morning, I did not go to breakfast, but, a little while later, I went to Mother Superior and asked her whether I had been assigned as portress in view of making it possible for me to fast unnoticed. Mother replied, "When I assigned you, [106] Sister, it was with this in mind." I then saw that this was the same thought that I had had interiorly.
531 November 24, 1935. Sunday,
first day. I went at once before the Blessed Sacrament and offered myself with
Jesus, present in the Most Holy Sacrament, to the Everlasting Father. Then I
heard these words in my soul: Your purpose and that of your companions is to
unite yourselves with Me as closely as possible; through love You will
reconcile earth with heaven, you will soften the just anger of God, and you
will plead for mercy for the world. I place in your care two pearls very
precious to My Heart: these are the souls of priests and religious. You will
pray particularly for them; their power will come from your diminishment. You
will join prayers, fasts, mortifications, labors and all sufferings to My
prayer, fasting, mortification, labors and sufferings and then they will have
power before My Father.
538 There will be no distinction
between the sisters, no mothers,[107]
no reverends, no venerable, but all will be equal, even though there might be
great differences in their parentage. We know who Jesus was, and yet how He
humbled himself and with whom He associated. Their habit will be like that worn
by Jesus during His Passion, and they will not simply wear the robe [He wore];
they must also seal themselves with the marks He bore: suffering and scorn.
Each one will strive for the greatest self-denial and have a love of humility,
and she who will distinguish herself most in this latter virtue will be the one
who is capable of leading the others.
540 In the evening when I was
writing, I heard a voice in my cell which said, "Do not leave this
Congregation; have mercy upon yourself, such great sufferings are in store for
you." When I looked in the direction of the voice, I saw nothing, and I
continued to write. Suddenly I heard a noise and the words: "When you
leave, we will destroy you. Do not torture us." I glanced around and saw
many ugly monsters. So I mentally made the sign of the Cross and they
disappeared immediately. How terribly ugly Satan is! The poor damned souls that
have to keep him company! Just the sight of him is more disgusting than all the
torments of hell.
546 Meals. We will have no meat.
Our meals shall be such that not even the poor will have any reason to envy us.
Still, feast days may differ slightly from regular days. The sisters will eat
three times a day. Fasts, especially the two great ones, will be observed
strictly, according to the original spirit. The food should be the same for all
the nuns without exception so that communal life may be kept pure. This refers
not only to food but to clothing and the furnishing of cells as well. However,
if a sister should fall ill, she should receive every consideration.
571 O my Jesus, Eternal Truth, I
fear nothing, neither hardships nor sufferings; I fear only one thing, and that
is to offend You. My Jesus, I would rather not exist than make You sad. Jesus,
You know that my love knows no one but You. My soul is absorbed in You.
572 Oh, how great should be the ardor
of every soul who will live in that convent, since God desires to come and live
with us! Let everyone remember that if we religious do not intercede before
God, who will? Each of us should burn like a pure sacrifice before the majesty
of God, but to be pleasing to God, each one should unite herself closely to
Jesus. It is only with Him, in Him and through Him that we can be pleasing to
God.
573 December 21, 1935. One day my
confessor [Father Sopocko] told me to go and look at a certain house to see whether
it was the same house I had seen in my vision. When I went with my confessor to
see that house, or rather those ruins, at a glance I recognized that they were
the same as I had seen in my vision. The moment I touched the boards which had
been nailed together in place of the doors, a strength pervaded my soul like a
flash, giving me unshakable certitude. I went away quickly from that place, my
heart full of joy, for it seemed to me that there was a certain force chaining
me to that place.
I am very happy to see that everything agrees perfectly with what I saw in the vision. When the confessor spoke to me about the arrangement of the cells and other things, I recognized everything to be the same as had been told to me by Jesus. I am delighted that God is acting in this way through my confessor, but I am not surprised that God is giving him so much light; since God, who is Light itself, lives in a pure and humble heart, and all sufferings and adversities serve but to reveal the soul's holiness. When I returned home, I went immediately to our chapel to rest a while. Then suddenly I heard these words in my soul: Do not fear anything. I am with you. These matters are in My hands and I will bring them to fruition according to My mercy, for nothing can oppose My will.
I am very happy to see that everything agrees perfectly with what I saw in the vision. When the confessor spoke to me about the arrangement of the cells and other things, I recognized everything to be the same as had been told to me by Jesus. I am delighted that God is acting in this way through my confessor, but I am not surprised that God is giving him so much light; since God, who is Light itself, lives in a pure and humble heart, and all sufferings and adversities serve but to reveal the soul's holiness. When I returned home, I went immediately to our chapel to rest a while. Then suddenly I heard these words in my soul: Do not fear anything. I am with you. These matters are in My hands and I will bring them to fruition according to My mercy, for nothing can oppose My will.
575 Midnight Mass. During Holy
Mass, I again saw the little Infant Jesus, extremely beautiful, joyfully
stretching out His little arms to me. After Holy Communion, I heard the words: I
am always in your heart; not only when you receive Me in Holy Communion, but
always. I spent these holydays in great joy.
576 O Holy Trinity, Eternal God,
my spirit is drowned in Your beauty. The ages are as nothing in Your sight. You
are always the same. Oh, how great is Your majesty. Jesus, why do You conceal
Your majesty, why have You left Your heavenly throne and dwelt among us? The
Lord answered me, My daughter, love has brought Me here, and love keeps Me
here. My daughter, if you knew what great merit and reward is earned by one act
of pure love for Me, you would die of joy. I am saying this that you may
constantly unite yourself with Me through love, for this is the goal of the
life of your soul. This act is an act of the will. Know that a pure soul is
humble. When you lower and empty yourself before My majesty, I then pursue you
with My graces and make use of My omnipotence to exalt you.
593 O my Jesus, nothing is better
for the soul than humiliations. In contempt is the secret of happiness, when
the soul recognizes that, of itself, it is only wretchedness and nothingness,
and that whatever it possesses of good is a gift of God. When the soul sees
that everything is given it freely and that the only thing it has of itself is
its own misery, this is what sustains it in a continual act of humble prostration
before the majesty of God. And God, seeing the soul in such a disposition,
pursues it with His graces. As the soul continues to immerse itself more deeply
into the abyss of its nothingness and need, God uses His omnipotence to exalt
it. If there is a truly happy soul upon earth, it can only be a truly humble
soul. At first, one's self-love suffers greatly on this account, but after a
soul has struggled courageously, God grants it much light by which it sees how
wretched and full of deception everything is. God alone is in its heart. A
humble soul does not trust itself, but places all its confidence in God. God
defends the humble soul and lets Himself into its secrets, and the soul abides
in unsurpassable happiness which no one can comprehend.
605 O Holy Trinity, Eternal God,
I thank You for allowing me to know the greatness and the various degrees of
glory to which souls attain. Oh, what a great difference of depth in the
knowledge of God there is between one degree and another! Oh, if people could
only know this! O my God, if I were thereby able to attain one more degree, I
would gladly suffer all the torments of the martyrs put together. Truly, all
those torments seem as nothing to me compared with the glory that is awaiting
us for all eternity. O Lord, immerse my soul in the ocean of Your divinity and
grant me the grace of knowing You; for the better I know You, the more I desire
You, and the more my love for You grows. I feel in my soul an unfathomable
abyss which only God can fill. I lose myself in Him as a drop does in the
ocean. The Lord has inclined himself to my misery like a ray of the sun upon a
barren and rocky desert. And yet, under the influence of His rays, my soul has
become covered with verdure, flowers, and fruit, and has become a beautiful garden
for His repose.
606 My Jesus, despite Your
graces, I see and feel all my misery. I begin my day with battle and end it
with battle. As soon as I conquer one obstacle, ten more appear to take its
place. But I am not worried, because I know that this is the time of struggle,
not peace. When the burden of the battle becomes too much for me, I throw
myself like a child into the arms of the heavenly Father and trust I will not
perish. O my Jesus, how prone I am to evil, and this forces me to be constantly
vigilant. But I do not lose heart. I trust God's grace, which abounds in the
worst misery.
607 In the midst of the worst
difficulties and adversities, I do not lose inner peace or exterior balance,
and this discourages my adversaries. Patience in adversity gives power to the
soul.
611 O my Jesus, I implore You by
the goodness of Your most sweet Heart, let Your anger diminish and show us Your
mercy. May Your wounds be our shield against Your Father's justice. I have come
to know You, O God, as the source of mercy that vivifies and nourishes every
soul. Oh, how great is the mercy of the Lord; it surpasses all His other
qualities! Mercy is the greatest attribute of God; everything that surrounds me
speaks to me of this. Mercy is the life of souls; His compassion is
inexhaustible. O Lord, look on us and deal with us according to Your countless
mercies, according to Your great mercy.
615 March 1, 1936. Today during
Holy Mass I experienced a strange force and urge to start realizing God's
wishes. I had such a clear understanding of the things the Lord was asking of
me that truly if I were to say that I do not understand what God is demanding
from me, I would be lying, because the Lord is making His will known to me so
clearly and distinctly that I do not have the least shadow of a doubt about
them. I realized that it would be the greatest ingratitude to delay any longer
this undertaking which the Lord wishes to bring to fulfillment for His glory
and the benefit of a great number of souls. And He is using me as a miserable
tool through which to realize His eternal plans of mercy. Truly, how ungrateful
my soul would be to resist God's will any longer. Nothing will stop me any
longer, be it persecution, sufferings, sneers, threats, entreaties, hunger,
cold, flattery, friendships, adversities, friends or enemies; be it things I am
experiencing now or things that will come in the future or even the hatred of
hell-nothing will deter me from doing the will of God.
I am not counting on my own strength, but on His omnipotence for, as he gave me the grace of knowing His holy will, He will also grant me the grace of fulfilling it. I cannot fail to mention how much my own lower nature resists this thing, manifesting its own desires, and there results within my soul a great struggle, like that of Jesus in the Garden of Olives. And so I too cry out to God, the Eternal Father, "If it is possible, take this cup from me, but, nevertheless, not my will, but Yours be done, O Lord; may Your will be done." What I am about to go through is no secret to me, but with full knowledge I accept whatever You send me, O Lord. I trust in You, O merciful God, and I wish to be the first to manifest to You that confidence which You demand of souls. O Eternal Truth, help me and enlighten me along the roadways of life, and grant that Your will be accomplished in me.
My God, I desire nothing but the fulfillment of Your will. It does not matter whether it will be easy or difficult. I feel an extraordinary force driving me to action. One thing alone holds me back, and that is holy obedience. O my Jesus, You urge me on the one hand and hold me back and restrain me on the other. In this, too, O my Jesus, may Your holy will be done.
I continued in this state, without a break, for many days. My physical strength declined, and though I did not speak to anyone about it, nevertheless Mother Superior [Borgia] noticed my pain and remarked that I had changed in appearance and was very pale. She told me to go to bed earlier and to sleep longer, and she had a cup of hot milk brought to me in the evening. She had a motherly heart, full of care, and tried to help me. But in the case of spiritual sufferings, external things have no influence, and they do not bring much relief. It was from the confessional that I drew my strength and the consolation of knowing that it would not be long before I could begin to act.
I am not counting on my own strength, but on His omnipotence for, as he gave me the grace of knowing His holy will, He will also grant me the grace of fulfilling it. I cannot fail to mention how much my own lower nature resists this thing, manifesting its own desires, and there results within my soul a great struggle, like that of Jesus in the Garden of Olives. And so I too cry out to God, the Eternal Father, "If it is possible, take this cup from me, but, nevertheless, not my will, but Yours be done, O Lord; may Your will be done." What I am about to go through is no secret to me, but with full knowledge I accept whatever You send me, O Lord. I trust in You, O merciful God, and I wish to be the first to manifest to You that confidence which You demand of souls. O Eternal Truth, help me and enlighten me along the roadways of life, and grant that Your will be accomplished in me.
My God, I desire nothing but the fulfillment of Your will. It does not matter whether it will be easy or difficult. I feel an extraordinary force driving me to action. One thing alone holds me back, and that is holy obedience. O my Jesus, You urge me on the one hand and hold me back and restrain me on the other. In this, too, O my Jesus, may Your holy will be done.
I continued in this state, without a break, for many days. My physical strength declined, and though I did not speak to anyone about it, nevertheless Mother Superior [Borgia] noticed my pain and remarked that I had changed in appearance and was very pale. She told me to go to bed earlier and to sleep longer, and she had a cup of hot milk brought to me in the evening. She had a motherly heart, full of care, and tried to help me. But in the case of spiritual sufferings, external things have no influence, and they do not bring much relief. It was from the confessional that I drew my strength and the consolation of knowing that it would not be long before I could begin to act.
633 I am greatly surprised at how
one can be so jealous. When I see someone else's good, I rejoice at it as if it
were mine. The joy of others is my joy, and the suffering of others is my
suffering, for otherwise I would not dare to commune with the Lord Jesus. The
spirit of Jesus is always simple, meek, sincere; all malice, envy, and
unkindness disguised under a smile of good will are clever little devils. A
severe word flowing from sincere love does not wound the heart.
638 Jesus, drive away from me the
thoughts that are not in accord with Your will. I know that nothing now binds
me to this earth but this work of mercy.
639 Thursday. During the evening
adoration, I saw Jesus scourged and tortured. He said to me, My daughter, I
desire that even in the smallest things, you rely on your confessor. Your
greatest sacrifices do not please Me if you practice them without the confessor's
permission; on the other hand, the smallest sacrifice finds great value in My
eyes, if it is done with his permission. The greatest works are worthless in My
eyes if they are done out of self-will, and often they are not in accord with
My will and merit punishment rather than reward. And on the other hand, even
the smallest of your acts, done with the confessor's permission is pleasing in
My eyes and very dear to Me. Hold firmly to this always. Be constantly on the
watch, for many souls will turn back from the gates of hell and worship My
mercy. But fear nothing, as I am with you. Know that of yourself you can do
nothing.
642 Palm Sunday. This Sunday, I
experienced in a special way the sentiments of the most sweet Heart of Jesus.
My spirit was there where Jesus was. I saw Jesus riding on a donkey's foal, and
the disciples and a great multitude with branches in their hands joyfully
accompanying the Lord Jesus. Some strewed them before His feet where He was
riding, while others raised their branches in the air, leaping and jumping
before the Lord and not knowing what to do for joy. And I saw another crowd
which came out to meet Jesus, likewise with joyful faces and with branches in
their hands, and they were crying out unceasingly with joy. There were little
children there also. But Jesus was very grave, and the Lord gave me to know how
much He was suffering at the time. And at that moment, I saw nothing but only
Jesus, whose Heart was saturated with ingratitude.
644 When
I left the confessional, a multitude of thoughts oppressed my soul. Why be
sincere? What I have told is no sin, so I have no duty to tell it to the
confessor. And again, what a relief that I do not have to heed my interior any
more as long as things are all right on the outside. I do not have to pay
attention to anything or to follow the inner voices that have often cost me so
much humiliation. From now on, I will be free. And again, a strange pain seized
my soul: can I not, then, commune with the One whom I desire so greatly? The One
who is the whole strength of my soul? I began to cry out, "To whom shall I
go, O Jesus?" But from the moment of the confessor's prohibition, great
darkness fell upon my soul. I feared lest I hear some inner voice, which would
occasion the breaking of my confessor's prohibition. And then again, I die of
longing for God. My interior is torn asunder, not having any will of its own,
since it has been turned over completely to God.
That was on Wednesday of Holy Week. The suffering intensified on Holy Thursday. When I came to make my meditation, I entered into a kind of agony. I did not feel the presence of God, but all the justice of God weighed heavily upon me. I saw myself as if knocked down for the sins of the world. Satan began to mock me, "See, now you will no longer strive to win souls; look how you've been paid! Nobody will believe you that Jesus demands this. See how much you are suffering now, and how much more you are going to suffer! After all, the confessor has now released you from all these things." Now I can live as I like, as long as things are all right outwardly. These dreadful thoughts tormented me throughout the whole hour.
When it was almost time for Holy Mass, my heart was seized with pain; am I, then, to leave the Congregation? And since Father has told me that this is a kind of heresy, am I to fall away from the Church? I cried out to the Lord with a sorrowful interior cry, "Jesus, save me!" Still, not a single ray of light entered my soul, and I felt my strength failing, as if the body were separating itself from the soul. I submitted to the will of God and repeated, "O God, let whatever You have decided upon happen to me. Nothing in me is any longer my own." Then, suddenly, God's presence enveloped me and penetrated me through and through. This was just as I was receiving Holy Communion. A moment after Holy Communion, I lost all awareness of everything around me and of my whereabouts.
That was on Wednesday of Holy Week. The suffering intensified on Holy Thursday. When I came to make my meditation, I entered into a kind of agony. I did not feel the presence of God, but all the justice of God weighed heavily upon me. I saw myself as if knocked down for the sins of the world. Satan began to mock me, "See, now you will no longer strive to win souls; look how you've been paid! Nobody will believe you that Jesus demands this. See how much you are suffering now, and how much more you are going to suffer! After all, the confessor has now released you from all these things." Now I can live as I like, as long as things are all right outwardly. These dreadful thoughts tormented me throughout the whole hour.
When it was almost time for Holy Mass, my heart was seized with pain; am I, then, to leave the Congregation? And since Father has told me that this is a kind of heresy, am I to fall away from the Church? I cried out to the Lord with a sorrowful interior cry, "Jesus, save me!" Still, not a single ray of light entered my soul, and I felt my strength failing, as if the body were separating itself from the soul. I submitted to the will of God and repeated, "O God, let whatever You have decided upon happen to me. Nothing in me is any longer my own." Then, suddenly, God's presence enveloped me and penetrated me through and through. This was just as I was receiving Holy Communion. A moment after Holy Communion, I lost all awareness of everything around me and of my whereabouts.
645 Then
I saw the Lord Jesus, as He is represented in the image, and He said to me, Tell
the confessor that this work is Mine and that I am using you as a lowly
instrument. And I said, "Jesus, I can no longer do anything You
command me to do, because my confessor has told me that all this is an
illusion, and that I am not allowed to obey any of Your commands. I will do
nothing that You will tell me to do now. I am sorry, my Lord, but I am not
allowed to do anything, and I must obey my confessor. Jesus, I most earnestly
ask Your pardon. You know how much I suffer because of this, but it can't be
helped, Jesus. The confessor has forbidden me to follow Your orders."
Jesus listened to my arguments and complaints with kindness and satisfaction. I
thought the Lord Jesus would be grievously offended but, on the contrary, He
was pleased and said to me kindly, Always tell your confessor about
everything I say to you and command you to do, and do only that for which you
obtain permission. Do not be upset, and fear nothing; I am with you. My
soul was filled with joy, and all those oppressive thoughts vanished. Certitude
and courage entered my soul.
646 But
after a short while, I entered into the sufferings which Jesus underwent in the
Garden of Olives. This lasted until Friday morning. On Friday, I experienced
the Passion of Jesus but, this time, in a different way. On that day, Father
Bukowski came from Derdy. Some strange power pushed me to go to confession and
tell him about everything that had happened to me and about what Jesus had said
to me. When I told Father, he was quite different and he said to me, "Sister,
don't be afraid of anything; you will come to no harm, for the ' Lord Jesus
will not allow it. If you are obedient and persevere in this disposition, you
need not worry about anything. God will find a way to bring about His work. You
should always have this simplicity and sincerity and tell everything to Mother
General. What I said to ; you was said as a warning, because illusions may
afflict even holy persons, and Satan's insinuations may play a part in this,
and sometimes this comes from our own selves, so one has to be careful. And so
continue as you have thus far. You can see, Sister, that the Lord is not
angered by this. And Sister, you can repeat these things that have happened to
you at present to your regular confessor [Father Sopocko]."
648 Good
Friday. At three o'clock, I saw the Lord Jesus, crucified, who looked at me and
said, I thirst. Then I saw two rays issue from His side, just as they
appear in the image. I then felt in my soul the desire to save souls and to
empty myself for the sake of poor sinners. I offered myself, together with the
dying Jesus, to the Eternal Father, for the salvation of the whole world. With
Jesus, through Jesus and in Jesus is my communion with You, Eternal Father. On
Good Friday, Jesus suffered in His soul in a way which was different from [His
suffering on] Holy Thursday.
650 O my
Jesus, my Master and Director, strengthen and enlighten me in these difficult
moments of my life. I expect no help from people; all my hope is in You. I feel
alone in the face of Your demands, O Lord. Despite the fears and qualms of my
nature, I am fulfilling Your holy will and desire to fulfill it as faithfully
as possible throughout my life and in my death. Jesus, with You I can do all
things. Do with me as You please; only give me Your merciful Heart and that is
enough for me.
O Jesus my Lord, help me. Let what You have planned before all ages happen to me. I am ready at each beckoning of Your holy will. Enlighten my mind that I may know Your will. O God, You who pervade my soul, You know that I desire nothing but Your glory.
O Divine Will, You are the delight of my heart, the food of my soul, the light of my intellect, the omnipotent strength of my will; for when I unite myself with Your will, O Lord, Your power works through me and takes the place of my feeble will. Each day, I seek to carry out God's wishes.
O Jesus my Lord, help me. Let what You have planned before all ages happen to me. I am ready at each beckoning of Your holy will. Enlighten my mind that I may know Your will. O God, You who pervade my soul, You know that I desire nothing but Your glory.
O Divine Will, You are the delight of my heart, the food of my soul, the light of my intellect, the omnipotent strength of my will; for when I unite myself with Your will, O Lord, Your power works through me and takes the place of my feeble will. Each day, I seek to carry out God's wishes.
(Diary
of Sister Faustina Kowalska Notebook-I-36, 28-39, 41, 46, 56-57, 67-70, 73, 77)
(Diary
of Sister Faustina Kowalska Notebook-I-78, 90, 93, 94-95, 98, 101, 104-106)
(Diary of
Sister Faustina Kowalska Notebook-I-109, 111, 114-116, 135-137-138)
(Diary
of Sister Faustina Kowalska Notebook-I-148-150, 208, 367, 482-483, 509)
(Diary
of Sister Faustina Kowalska Notebook-II-485, 507, 530-531, 538, 540, 546)
(Diary
of Sister Faustina Kowalska Notebook-II-571-573, 575)
(Diary
of Sister Faustina Kowalska Notebook-II-576, 593, 605-607, 611, 615, 633, 638)
(Diary
of Sister Faustina Kowalska Notebook-II-639-642, 644-646, 648, 650)
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