Fasting and Feasting
Saturday of the Thirteenth Week in Ordinary Time
Matthew
9:14-17
The disciples of John came to him, saying,
"Why do we and the Pharisees fast often, but your disciples do not
fast?" And Jesus said to them, "The wedding guests cannot mourn as
long as the bridegroom is with them, can they? The days will come when the
bridegroom is taken away from them, and then they will fast. No one sews a
piece of unshrunk cloth on an old cloak, for the patch pulls away from the
cloak, and a worse tear is made. Neither is new wine put into old wineskins;
otherwise, the skins burst, and the wine is spilled, and the skins are
destroyed; but new wine is put into fresh wineskins, and so both are
preserved."
Introductory Prayer: Lord, I
come to You in this meditation ready to do whatever it is You ask. Left to
myself, I often take the easy and convenient path ; yet I know the way of a
Christian is through the narrow gate. In You I find the reason to abandon the
easy path for a more perfect mission of love. I’m ready to learn the meaning of
Your command: “Follow me.”
Petition: Lord, help me to value the place of fasting in my
life.
1. Creating Hunger for God: Fasting has its place in the life of holiness.
Like the precept of poverty, fasting is the purposeful privation of a natural
good to make the soul more sensitive to the supernatural goods of the Spirit.
It is the silencing of the flesh in order to feel more intensely a spiritual
hunger for God. Just as the Israelites had to grow hungry in the desert before
they could worthily receive the bread from heaven in the gift of manna, so in
our life there is place to put aside the distractions of what is good for that
which is holy. In the practice of self-denial, we will find the spiritual
receptivity of a new wineskin that will not burst when, through prayer, God
pours in the new wine of the Kingdom.
2. Respecting the End: The practice of piety is not an end in itself .
Rather, it is oriented to the ultimate end of the spiritual life : union with
Christ. Christ must unweave John’s disciples from an excessive rigor in their
spiritual life, one that has lost God as its proper object. Spiritual pride can
grow subtly in persons who take upon themselves forms of devotion or asceticism
for their own sakes. In all things, even in the spiritual, we have to look at
the end. If some spiritual practice does not lead us to live God’s will and his
presence in a more loving manner, then it is of no use to us.
3. Fasting and the Passion Lead to Spiritual
Feasting: The moment of the Passion
will come; the days of mourning will arrive. The fasting that the disciples
lived and that the Church lives is one of uniting ourselves to the suffering
Christ. Self-denial in order to do God’s will becomes a participation in
Christ’s Redemption. Christ’s closest friends will want to share his sorrow,
suffer his privations and make his holocaust visible to others through their
sacrificial way of life. May I be ready to live union with Christ, embracing
periodic acts of self-denial and the ongoing crosses of my duty for love of
souls and his Kingdom.
Conversation with Christ: Lord, help
me practice true devotion and sacrifice. Renew in me a holy desire to seek You
above all things, so that all I possess in my life is ordered to serving You
better and glorifying Your name.
Resolution: I will make a special sacrifice to fulfill a duty of my state in life,
uniting myself more to the suffering Christ.
Excerpts
from the DIARY of Saint Faustina Kowalska
482 O my
God, I am conscious of my mission in the Holy Church. It is my constant
endeavor to plead for me mercy for the world. I unite myself closely with Jesus
and stand before Him as an atoning sacrifice on behalf of the world. God will
refuse me nothing when I entreat Him with the voice of His Son. My sacrifice is
nothing in itself, but when I join it to the sacrifice of Jesus Christ, it
becomes all-powerful and has the power to appease divine wrath. God loves us in
His Son; the painful Passion of the Son of God constantly turns aside the wrath
of God.
483 O God,
how I desire that souls come to know You and to see that You have created them
because of Your unfathomable love. O my Creator and Lord, I feel that I am
going to remove the veil of heaven so that earth will not doubt Your goodness.
Make of me, Jesus, a pure and agreeable offering before the Face of Your Father. Jesus, transform me, miserable and sinful as I am, into Your own self (for You can do all things), and give me to Your Eternal Father. I want t become a sacrificial host before You, but an ordinary wafer to people. I want the fragrance of my sacrifice be known to You alone. O Eternal God, an unquenchable fire of supplication for Your mercy burns within me. I know and understand that this is my task here and in eternity. You yourself have told me to speak about this great mercy and about Your goodness.
Make of me, Jesus, a pure and agreeable offering before the Face of Your Father. Jesus, transform me, miserable and sinful as I am, into Your own self (for You can do all things), and give me to Your Eternal Father. I want t become a sacrificial host before You, but an ordinary wafer to people. I want the fragrance of my sacrifice be known to You alone. O Eternal God, an unquenchable fire of supplication for Your mercy burns within me. I know and understand that this is my task here and in eternity. You yourself have told me to speak about this great mercy and about Your goodness.
485 I
accept joy or suffering, praise or humiliation with the same disposition. I
remember that one and the other are passing. What does it matter to me what
people say about me? I have long ago given up everything that concerns my
person. My name is host-or sacrifice, not in words but in deeds, in the
emptying of myself and in becoming like You on the Cross, O good Jesus, my
Master!
507 I
desire, O my Jesus, to suffer and burn with the flame of Your love in all the
circumstances of my life. I am Yours, completely Yours, and I wish to disappear
in You, O Jesus, I wish to be lost in Your divine beauty. You pursue me with
Your love, O Lord; You penetrate my soul like a ray of the sun and change its
darkness into Your light. I feel very vividly that I am living in You as one
small spark swallowed up by the incomprehensible fire with which You burn, O
inconceivable Trinity! No greater joy is to be found than that of loving God.
Already here on earth we can taste the happiness of those in heaven by an
intimate union with God, a union that is extraordinary and often quite
incomprehensible to us. One can attain this very grace through simple faithfulness
of soul.
509 In the
adversities that I experience, I remind myself that the time for doing battle
has not yet come to an end. I arm myself with patience, and in this way I
defeat my assailant.
530 To the
Glory of the Holy Trinity.
I asked Mother Superior [Borgia] to permit me to make a forty-day fast, taking once a day a piece of bread and a glass of water. However, following the advice of my confessor [Father Sopocko], Mother Superior did not agree to forty days, but to seven. "I cannot take you away from your duties completely, Sister, because of the other sisters who might notice something. I give you my permission to devote yourself to prayer and to note down some of these things, but it will be very difficult for me to protect you as regards the fasting. Really, I can think of no solution to this," and she said, "Go now, Sister, and perhaps some light will come to me." On Sunday morning, I understood that when Mother Superior assigned me as portress during mealtime, she was doing so with the thought of giving me the opportunity to fast. In the morning, I did not go to breakfast, but, a little while later, I went to Mother Superior and asked her whether I had been assigned as portress in view of making it possible for me to fast unnoticed. Mother replied, "When I assigned you, [106] Sister, it was with this in mind." I then saw that this was the same thought that I had had interiorly.
I asked Mother Superior [Borgia] to permit me to make a forty-day fast, taking once a day a piece of bread and a glass of water. However, following the advice of my confessor [Father Sopocko], Mother Superior did not agree to forty days, but to seven. "I cannot take you away from your duties completely, Sister, because of the other sisters who might notice something. I give you my permission to devote yourself to prayer and to note down some of these things, but it will be very difficult for me to protect you as regards the fasting. Really, I can think of no solution to this," and she said, "Go now, Sister, and perhaps some light will come to me." On Sunday morning, I understood that when Mother Superior assigned me as portress during mealtime, she was doing so with the thought of giving me the opportunity to fast. In the morning, I did not go to breakfast, but, a little while later, I went to Mother Superior and asked her whether I had been assigned as portress in view of making it possible for me to fast unnoticed. Mother replied, "When I assigned you, [106] Sister, it was with this in mind." I then saw that this was the same thought that I had had interiorly.
531 November
24, 1935. Sunday, first day. I went at once before the Blessed Sacrament and
offered myself with Jesus, present in the Most Holy Sacrament, to the
Everlasting Father. Then I heard these words in my soul: Your purpose and
that of your companions is to unite yourselves with Me as closely as possible;
through love You will reconcile earth with heaven, you will soften the just
anger of God, and you will plead for mercy for the world. I place in your care
two pearls very precious to My Heart: these are the souls of priests and
religious. You will pray particularly for them; their power will come from your
diminishment. You will join prayers, fasts, mortifications, labors and all
sufferings to My prayer, fasting, mortification, labors and sufferings and then
they will have power before My Father.
538 There
will be no distinction between the sisters, no mothers,[107]
no reverends, no venerables, but all will be equal, even though there might be
great differences in their parentage. We know who Jesus was, and yet how He
humbled himself and with whom He associated. Their habit will be like that worn
by Jesus during His Passion, and they will not simply wear the robe [He wore];
they must also seal themselves with the marks He bore: suffering and scorn.
Each one will strive for the greatest self-denial and have a love of humility,
and she who will distinguish herself most in this latter virtue will be the one
who is capable of leading the others.
540 In the
evening when I was writing, I heard a voice in my cell which said, "Do not
leave this Congregation; have mercy upon yourself, such great sufferings are in
store for you." When I looked in the direction of the voice, I saw
nothing, and I continued to write. Suddenly I heard a noise and the words:
"When you leave, we will destroy you. Do not torture us." I glanced
around and saw many ugly monsters. So I mentally made the sign of the Cross and
they disappeared immediately. How terribly ugly Satan is! The poor damned souls
that have to keep him company! Just the sight of him is more disgusting than
all the torments of hell.
546 Meals.
We will have no meat. Our meals shall be such that not even the poor will have
any reason to envy us. Still, feast days may differ slightly from regular days.
The sisters will eat three times a day. Fasts, especially the two great ones,
will be observed strictly, according to the original spirit. The food should be
the same for all the nuns without exception so that communal life may be kept
pure. This refers not only to food but to clothing and the furnishing of cells
as well. However, if a sister should fall ill, she should receive every
consideration.
571 O my
Jesus, Eternal Truth, I fear nothing, neither hardships nor sufferings; I fear
only one thing, and that is to offend You. My Jesus, I would rather not exist
than make You sad. Jesus, You know that my love knows no one but You. My soul
is absorbed in You.
572 Oh, how
great should be the ardor of every soul who will live in that convent, since
God desires to come and live with us! Let everyone remember that if we
religious do not intercede before God, who will? Each of us should burn like a
pure sacrifice before the majesty of God, but to be pleasing to God, each one
should unite herself closely to Jesus. It is only with Him, in Him and through
Him that we can be pleasing to God.
573
December 21, 1935. One day my confessor [Father Sopocko] told me to go and look
at a certain house to see whether it was the same house I had seen in my
vision. When I went with my confessor to see that house, or rather those ruins,
at a glance I recognized that they were the same as I had seen in my vision.
The moment I touched the boards which had been nailed together in place of the
doors, a strength pervaded my soul like a flash, giving me unshakable
certitude. I went away quickly from that place, my heart full of joy, for it
seemed to me that there was a certain force chaining me to that place.
I am very happy to see that everything agrees perfectly with what I saw in the vision. When the confessor spoke to me about the arrangement of the cells and other things, I recognized everything to be the same as had been told to me by Jesus. I am delighted that God is acting in this way through my confessor, but I am not surprised that God is giving him so much light; since God, who is Light itself, lives in a pure and humble heart, and all sufferings and adversities serve but to reveal the soul's holiness. When I returned home, I went immediately to our chapel to rest a while. Then suddenly I heard these words in my soul: Do not fear anything. I am with you. These matters are in My hands and I will bring them to fruition according to My mercy, for nothing can oppose My will.
I am very happy to see that everything agrees perfectly with what I saw in the vision. When the confessor spoke to me about the arrangement of the cells and other things, I recognized everything to be the same as had been told to me by Jesus. I am delighted that God is acting in this way through my confessor, but I am not surprised that God is giving him so much light; since God, who is Light itself, lives in a pure and humble heart, and all sufferings and adversities serve but to reveal the soul's holiness. When I returned home, I went immediately to our chapel to rest a while. Then suddenly I heard these words in my soul: Do not fear anything. I am with you. These matters are in My hands and I will bring them to fruition according to My mercy, for nothing can oppose My will.
575
Midnight Mass. During Holy Mass, I again saw the little Infant Jesus, extremely
beautiful, joyfully stretching out His little arms to me. After Holy Communion,
I heard the words: I am always in your heart; not only when you receive Me in
Holy Communion, but always. I spent these holydays in great joy.
576 O Holy
Trinity, Eternal God, my spirit is drowned in Your beauty. The ages are as
nothing in Your sight. You are always the same. Oh, how great is Your majesty.
Jesus, why do You conceal Your majesty, why have You left Your heavenly throne
and dwelt among us? The Lord answered me, My daughter, love has brought Me
here, and love keeps Me here. My daughter, if you knew what great merit and
reward is earned by one act of pure love for Me, you would die of joy. I am
saying this that you may constantly unite yourself with Me through love, for
this is the goal of the life of your soul. This act is an act of the will. Know
that a pure soul is humble. When you lower and empty yourself before My
majesty, I then pursue you with My graces and make use of My omnipotence to
exalt you.
593 O my
Jesus, nothing is better for the soul than humiliations. In contempt is the
secret of happiness, when the soul recognizes that, of itself, it is only
wretchedness and nothingness, and that whatever it possesses of good is a gift
of God. When the soul sees that everything is given it freely and that the only
thing it has of itself is its own misery, this is what sustains it in a
continual act of humble prostration before the majesty of God. And God, seeing
the soul in such a disposition, pursues it with His graces. As the soul
continues to immerse itself more deeply into the abyss of its nothingness and
need, God uses His omnipotence to exalt it. If there is a truly happy soul upon
earth, it can only be a truly humble soul. At first, one's self-love suffers
greatly on this account, but after a soul has struggled courageously, God
grants it much light by which it sees how wretched and full of deception
everything is. God alone is in its heart. A humble soul does not trust itself,
but places all its confidence in God. God defends the humble soul and lets
Himself into its secrets, and the soul abides in unsurpassable happiness which
no one can comprehend.
605 O Holy
Trinity, Eternal God, I thank You for allowing me to know the greatness and the
various degrees of glory to which souls attain. Oh, what a great difference of
depth in the knowledge of God there is between one degree and another! Oh, if
people could only know this! O my God, if I were thereby able to attain one
more degree, I would gladly suffer all the torments of the martyrs put
together. Truly, all those torments seem as nothing to me compared with the
glory that is awaiting us for all eternity. O Lord, immerse my soul in the
ocean of Your divinity and grant me the grace of knowing You; for the better I
know You, the more I desire You, and the more my love for You grows. I feel in
my soul an unfathomable abyss which only God can fill. I lose myself in Him as
a drop does in the ocean. The Lord has inclined himself to my misery like a ray
of the sun upon a barren and rocky desert. And yet, under the influence of His
rays, my soul has become covered with verdure, flowers, and fruit, and has
become a beautiful garden for His repose.
606 My
Jesus, despite Your graces, I see and feel all my misery. I begin my day with
battle and end it with battle. As soon as I conquer one obstacle, ten more
appear to take its place. But I am not worried, because I know that this is the
time of struggle, not peace. When the burden of the battle becomes too much for
me, I throw myself like a child into the arms of the heavenly Father and trust
I will not perish. O my Jesus, how prone I am to evil, and this forces me to be
constantly vigilant. But I do not lose heart. I trust God's grace, which
abounds in the worst misery.
607 In the
midst of the worst difficulties and adversities, I do not lose inner peace or
exterior balance, and this discourages my adversaries. Patience in adversity
gives power to the soul.
611 O my
Jesus, I implore You by the goodness of Your most sweet Heart, let Your anger
diminish and show us Your mercy. May Your wounds be our shield against Your
Father's justice. I have come to know You, O God, as the source of mercy that
vivifies and nourishes every soul. Oh, how great is the mercy of the Lord; it
surpasses all His other qualities! Mercy is the greatest attribute of God;
everything that surrounds me speaks to me of this. Mercy is the life of souls;
His compassion is inexhaustible. O Lord, look on us and deal with us according
to Your countless mercies, according to Your great mercy.
615 March
1, 1936. Today during Holy Mass I experienced a strange force and urge to start
realizing God's wishes. I had such a clear understanding of the things the Lord
was asking of me that truly if I were to say that I do not understand what God
is demanding from me, I would be lying, because the Lord is making His will
known to me so clearly and distinctly that I do not have the least shadow of a
doubt about them. I realized that it would be the greatest ingratitude to delay
any longer this undertaking which the Lord wishes to bring to fulfillment for
His glory and the benefit of a great number of souls. And He is using me as a
miserable tool through which to realize His eternal plans of mercy. Truly, how
ungrateful my soul would be to resist God's will any longer. Nothing will stop
me any longer, be it persecution, sufferings, sneers, threats, entreaties,
hunger, cold, flattery, friendships, adversities, friends or enemies; be it
things I am experiencing now or things that will come in the future or even the
hatred of hellnothing will deter me from doing the will of God.
I am not counting on my own strength, but on His omnipotence for, as he gave me the grace of knowing His holy will, He will also grant me the grace of fulfilling it. I cannot fail to mention how much my own lower nature resists this thing, manifesting its own desires, and there results within my soul a great struggle, like that of Jesus in the Garden of Olives. And so I too cry out to God, the Eternal Father, "If it is possible, take this cup from me, but, nevertheless, not my will, but Yours be done, O Lord; may Your will be done." What I am about to go through is no secret to me, but with full knowledge I accept whatever You send me, O Lord. I trust in You, O merciful God, and I wish to be the first to manifest to You that confidence which You demand of souls. O Eternal Truth, help me and enlighten me along the roadways of life, and grant that Your will be accomplished in me.
My God, I desire nothing but the fulfillment of Your will. It does not matter whether it will be easy or difficult. I feel an extraordinary force driving me to action. One thing alone holds me back, and that is holy obedience. O my Jesus, You urge me on the one hand and hold me back and restrain me on the other. In this, too, O my Jesus, may Your holy will be done.
I continued in this state, without a break, for many days. My physical strength declined, and though I did not speak to anyone about it, nevertheless Mother Superior [Borgia] noticed my pain and remarked that I had changed in appearance and was very pale. She told me to go to bed earlier and to sleep longer, and she had a cup of hot milk brought to me in the evening. She had a motherly heart, full of care, and tried to help me. But in the case of spiritual sufferings, external things have no influence, and they do not bring much relief. It was from the confessional that I drew my strength and the consolation of knowing that it would not be long before I could begin to act.
I am not counting on my own strength, but on His omnipotence for, as he gave me the grace of knowing His holy will, He will also grant me the grace of fulfilling it. I cannot fail to mention how much my own lower nature resists this thing, manifesting its own desires, and there results within my soul a great struggle, like that of Jesus in the Garden of Olives. And so I too cry out to God, the Eternal Father, "If it is possible, take this cup from me, but, nevertheless, not my will, but Yours be done, O Lord; may Your will be done." What I am about to go through is no secret to me, but with full knowledge I accept whatever You send me, O Lord. I trust in You, O merciful God, and I wish to be the first to manifest to You that confidence which You demand of souls. O Eternal Truth, help me and enlighten me along the roadways of life, and grant that Your will be accomplished in me.
My God, I desire nothing but the fulfillment of Your will. It does not matter whether it will be easy or difficult. I feel an extraordinary force driving me to action. One thing alone holds me back, and that is holy obedience. O my Jesus, You urge me on the one hand and hold me back and restrain me on the other. In this, too, O my Jesus, may Your holy will be done.
I continued in this state, without a break, for many days. My physical strength declined, and though I did not speak to anyone about it, nevertheless Mother Superior [Borgia] noticed my pain and remarked that I had changed in appearance and was very pale. She told me to go to bed earlier and to sleep longer, and she had a cup of hot milk brought to me in the evening. She had a motherly heart, full of care, and tried to help me. But in the case of spiritual sufferings, external things have no influence, and they do not bring much relief. It was from the confessional that I drew my strength and the consolation of knowing that it would not be long before I could begin to act.
633 I am
greatly surprised at how one can be so jealous. When I see someone else's good,
I rejoice at it as if it were mine. The joy of others is my joy, and the
suffering of others is my suffering, for otherwise I would not dare to commune
with the Lord Jesus. The spirit of Jesus is always simple, meek, sincere; all
malice, envy, and unkindness disguised under a smile of good will are clever
little devils. A severe word flowing from sincere love does not wound the
heart.
638 Jesus,
drive away from me the thoughts that are not in accord with Your will. I know
that nothing now binds me to this earth but this work of mercy.
639
Thursday. During the evening adoration, I saw Jesus scourged and tortured. He
said to me, My daughter, I desire that even in the smallest things, you rely
on your confessor. Your greatest sacrifices do not please Me if you practice
them without the confessor's permission; on the other hand, the smallest
sacrifice finds great value in My eyes, if it is done with his permission. The
greatest works are worthless in My eyes if they are done out of self-will, and
often they are not in accord with My will and merit punishment rather than
reward. And on the other hand, even the smallest of your acts, done with the
confessor's permission is pleasing in My eyes and very dear to Me. Hold firmly
to this always. Be constantly on the watch, for many souls will turn back from
the gates of hell and worship My mercy. But fear nothing, as I am with you.
Know that of yourself you can do nothing.
642 Palm
Sunday. This Sunday, I experienced in a special way the sentiments of the most
sweet Heart of Jesus. My spirit was there where Jesus was. I saw Jesus riding
on a donkey's foal, and the disciples and a great multitude with branches in
their hands joyfully accompanying the Lord Jesus. Some strewed them before His
feet where He was riding, while others raised their branches in the air,
leaping and jumping before the Lord and not knowing what to do for joy. And I
saw another crowd which came out to meet Jesus, likewise with joyful faces and
with branches in their hands, and they were crying out unceasingly with joy.
There were little children there also. But Jesus was very grave, and the Lord
gave me to know how much He was suffering at the time. And at that moment, I
saw nothing but only Jesus, whose Heart was saturated with ingratitude.
644 When I
left the confessional, a multitude of thoughts oppressed my soul. Why be
sincere? What I have told is no sin, so I have no duty to tell it to the
confessor. And again, what a relief that I do not have to heed my interior any
more as long as things are all right on the outside. I do not have to pay
attention to anything or to follow the inner voices that have often cost me so
much humiliation. From now on, I will be free. And again, a strange pain seized
my soul: can I not, then, commune with the One whom I desire so greatly? The
One who is the whole strength of my soul? I began to cry out, "To whom
shall I go, O Jesus?" But from the moment of the confessor's prohibition,
great darkness fell upon my soul. I feared lest I hear some inner voice, which
would occasion the breaking of my confessor's prohibition. And then again, I
die of longing for God. My interior is torn asunder, not having any will of its
own, since it has been turned over completely to God.
That was on Wednesday of Holy Week. The suffering intensified on Holy Thursday. When I came to make my meditation, I entered into a kind of agony. I did not feel the presence of God, but all the justice of God weighed heavily upon me. I saw myself as if knocked down for the sins of the world. Satan began to mock me, "See, now you will no longer strive to win souls; look how you've been paid! Nobody will believe you that Jesus demands this. See how much you are suffering now, and how much more you are going to suffer! After all, the confessor has now released you from all these things." Now I can live as I like, as long as things are all right outwardly. These dreadful thoughts tormented me throughout the whole hour.
When it was almost time for Holy Mass, my heart was seized with pain; am I, then, to leave the Congregation? And since Father has told me that this is a kind of heresy, am I to fall away from the Church? I cried out to the Lord with a sorrowful interior cry, "Jesus, save me!" Still, not a single ray of light entered my soul, and I felt my strength failing, as if the body were separating itself from the soul. I submitted to the will of God and repeated, "O God, let whatever You have decided upon happen to me. Nothing in me is any longer my own." Then, suddenly, God's presence enveloped me and penetrated me through and through. This was just as I was receiving Holy Communion. A moment after Holy Communion, I lost all awareness of everything around me and of my whereabouts.
That was on Wednesday of Holy Week. The suffering intensified on Holy Thursday. When I came to make my meditation, I entered into a kind of agony. I did not feel the presence of God, but all the justice of God weighed heavily upon me. I saw myself as if knocked down for the sins of the world. Satan began to mock me, "See, now you will no longer strive to win souls; look how you've been paid! Nobody will believe you that Jesus demands this. See how much you are suffering now, and how much more you are going to suffer! After all, the confessor has now released you from all these things." Now I can live as I like, as long as things are all right outwardly. These dreadful thoughts tormented me throughout the whole hour.
When it was almost time for Holy Mass, my heart was seized with pain; am I, then, to leave the Congregation? And since Father has told me that this is a kind of heresy, am I to fall away from the Church? I cried out to the Lord with a sorrowful interior cry, "Jesus, save me!" Still, not a single ray of light entered my soul, and I felt my strength failing, as if the body were separating itself from the soul. I submitted to the will of God and repeated, "O God, let whatever You have decided upon happen to me. Nothing in me is any longer my own." Then, suddenly, God's presence enveloped me and penetrated me through and through. This was just as I was receiving Holy Communion. A moment after Holy Communion, I lost all awareness of everything around me and of my whereabouts.
645 Then I
saw the Lord Jesus, as He is represented in the image, and He said to me, Tell
the confessor that this work is Mine and that I am using you as a lowly
instrument. And I said, "Jesus, I can no longer do anything You
command me to do, because my confessor has told me that all this is an
illusion, and that I am not allowed to obey any of Your commands. I will do
nothing that You will tell me to do now. I am sorry, my Lord, but I am not
allowed to do anything, and I must obey my confessor. Jesus, I most earnestly
ask Your pardon. You know how much I suffer because of this, but it can't be
helped, Jesus. The confessor has forbidden me to follow Your orders."
Jesus listened to my arguments and complaints with kindness and satisfaction. I
thought the Lord Jesus would be grievously offended but, on the contrary, He was
pleased and said to me kindly, Always tell your confessor about everything I
say to you and command you to do, and do only that for which you obtain
permission. Do not be upset, and fear nothing; I am with you. My soul was
filled with joy, and all those oppressive thoughts vanished. Certitude and
courage entered my soul.
646 But
after a short while, I entered into the sufferings which Jesus underwent in the
Garden of Olives. This lasted until Friday morning. On Friday, I experienced
the Passion of Jesus but, this time, in a different way. On that day, Father
Bukowski came from Derdy. Some strange power pushed me to go to confession and
tell him about everything that had happened to me and about what Jesus had said
to me. When I told Father, he was quite different and he said to me,
"Sister, don't be afraid of anything; you will come to no harm, for the '
Lord Jesus will not allow it. If you are obedient and persevere in this
disposition, you need not worry about anything. God will find a way to bring about
His work. You should always have this simplicity and sincerity and tell
everything to Mother General. What I said to ; you was said as a warning,
because illusions may afflict even holy persons, and Satan's insinuations may
play a part in this, and sometimes this comes from our own selves, so one has
to be careful. And so continue as you have thus far. You can see, Sister, that
the Lord is not angered by this. And Sister, you can repeat these things that
have happened to you at present to your regular confessor [Father
Sopocko]."
648 Good
Friday. At three o'clock, I saw the Lord Jesus, crucified, who looked at me and
said, I thirst. Then I saw two rays issue from His side, just as they
appear in the image. I then felt in my soul the desire to save souls and to
empty myself for the sake of poor sinners. I offered myself, together with the
dying Jesus, to the Eternal Father, for the salvation of the whole world. With
Jesus, through Jesus and in Jesus is my communion with You, Eternal Father. On
Good Friday, Jesus suffered in His soul in a way which was different from [His
suffering on] Holy Thursday.
650 O my
Jesus, my Master and Director, strengthen and enlighten me in these difficult
moments of my life. I expect no help from people; all my hope is in You. I feel
alone in the face of Your demands, O Lord. Despite the fears and qualms of my
nature, I am fulfilling Your holy will and desire to fulfill it as faithfully
as possible throughout my life and in my death. Jesus, with You I can do all
things. Do with me as You please; only give me Your merciful Heart and that is
enough for me.
O Jesus my Lord, help me. Let what You have planned before all ages happen to me. I am ready at each beckoning of Your holy will. Enlighten my mind that I may know Your will. O God, You who pervade my soul, You know that I desire nothing but Your glory.
O Divine Will, You are the delight of my heart, the food of my soul, the light of my intellect, the omnipotent strength of my will; for when I unite myself with Your will, O Lord, Your power works through me and takes the place of my feeble will. Each day, I seek to carry out God's wishes.
O Jesus my Lord, help me. Let what You have planned before all ages happen to me. I am ready at each beckoning of Your holy will. Enlighten my mind that I may know Your will. O God, You who pervade my soul, You know that I desire nothing but Your glory.
O Divine Will, You are the delight of my heart, the food of my soul, the light of my intellect, the omnipotent strength of my will; for when I unite myself with Your will, O Lord, Your power works through me and takes the place of my feeble will. Each day, I seek to carry out God's wishes.
(Diary of Sister Faustina Kowalska Notebook-I-482-483, 485, 507, 509)
(Diary of Sister Faustina Kowalska Notebook-II-530-531, 538, 540, 546,
571-573, 575)
(Diary of Sister Faustina Kowalska Notebook-II-576, 593, 605-607, 611,
615, 633, 638)
(Diary of Sister Faustina Kowalska Notebook-II-639-642, 644-646, 648,
650)
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