Overcoming
Temptation
First Sunday of Lent
Father José LaBoy, LC
Matthew
4: 1-11
Then Jesus was led up by the Spirit into the
wilderness to be tempted by the devil. He fasted forty days and forty nights,
and afterwards he was famished. The tempter came and said to him, "If you
are the Son of God, command these stones to become loaves of bread." But
he answered, "It is written, ´One does not live by bread alone, but by
every word that comes from the mouth of God.´" Then the devil took him to
the holy city and placed him on the pinnacle of the temple, saying to him,
"If you are the Son of God, throw yourself down; for it is written, ´He
will command his angels concerning you,´ and ´On their hands they will bear you
up, so that you will not dash your foot against a stone.´" Jesus said to
him, "Again it is written, ´Do not put the Lord your God to the
test.´" Again, the devil took him to a very high mountain and showed him
all the kingdoms of the world and their splendor; and he said to him, "All
these I will give you, if you will fall down and worship me." Jesus said
to him, "Away with you, Satan! for it is written, ´Worship the Lord your
God, and serve only him.´" Then the devil left him, and suddenly angels
came and waited on him.
Introductory Prayer: I believe, Lord, that with Your example and
help I can overcome temptation in my life. I hope in You, Lord, because You
know that I am weak, and therefore You give me Your grace which is stronger
than sin. I love You, Lord, and I know that love for You and for souls will
give me the strength to overcome sin in my life and help others to overcome it
as well.
Petition: Lord, may prayer and
vigilance keep me from falling into temptation.
1. The
Spiritual Is More Important than the Material: Jesus teaches us to give more importance to
the spiritual than to the material. However, man is weak, and he easily
considers that satisfying his material needs justifies his not doing God’s
will. If we don’t follow Christ’s advice, then being tired will be a good
enough reason not to pray, being in a bad mood will be a good enough reason not
to live charity, and having a great idea will be a good enough reason to act as
we want, not as we are taught. The devil’s strategy is to make us look more at
ourselves and our needs, than to look at God, his will, and the needs of the
Church and of others.
2. The
Problem with Overconfidence: Jesus
teaches us that our actions have to correspond with what God wants, not with
what we think he wants. There is always the danger of supposing that God thinks
like we do, instead of seeking with all our strength to think as he does.
Remember what Christ told Peter when Peter dared tell Jesus what he had to do
(to stop talking about his future suffering and death): “Get behind me Satan.”
Lent is a golden opportunity for us to “turn to the Lord,” the only source of
true happiness. We put out trust in God when we make him the reference point of
both our troubles and our joys, and when we turn to him in prayer, including
moments set aside specifically for that purpose, as well as by invocations and
brief, warm, spontaneous prayers throughout the day. Do I put my trust in the
Lord through these ways of prayer?
3. Only
God Deserves Our Worship: Obviously, we
don’t consciously deny God and worship idols. But we shouldn’t forget that our
heart will be where our treasure is. If Christ is not our treasure, then we
will worship ourselves, others, things, money, honors, fame… While we wouldn’t
genuflect in front of our new computer or that stylish outfit we just bought,
we may give these objects more importance than they deserve. That only God
deserves our worship is a very demanding reality. This means that God has to be
the center of our thoughts, words, desires, actions and plans. Vigilance
involves constantly purifying our intentions and desires so that Our Lord
continues to reign supreme in our heart, as the One from whom we came and to
whom we are heading as the goal and reward of our entire life. Is Christ the
King of my heart?
Conversation with Christ: Dear Lord, help me understand that prayer and
detachment from material things are necessary means for overcoming temptation.
Help me remember that You overcame temptation in order to teach us all how we can
overcome it, too. Help me to stay vigilant and united to You through prayer.
Resolution: In a moment of
temptation, I will try to remember what God wants and ask him for his help.
Excerpts from the DIARY of Saint Faustina Kowalska
40 +The year 1929.
Once during Holy Mass, I felt in a very special way the closeness of God,
although I tried to turn away and escape from Him. On several occasions I have
run away from God because I did not want to be a victim of the evil spirit;
since others have told me, more than once, that such is the case. And this
incertitude lasted for quite some time. During Holy Mass, before Communion, we
had the renewal of vows. When we had left our kneelers and had started to
recite the formula for the vows, Jesus appeared suddenly at my side clad in a
white garment with a golden girdle around His waist, and He said to me, I
give you eternal love that your purity may be untarnished and as a sign that
you will never be subject to temptations against purity. Jesus took off His
golden cincture and tied it around my waist.
Darkness and Temptations
77 My mind became dimmed in a strange way; no truth seemed clear to me. When people spoke to me about God, my heart was like a rock. I could not draw from it a single sentiment of love for Him. When I tried, by an act of the will, to remain close to Him, I experienced great torments, and it seemed to me that I was only provoking God to an even greater anger. It was absolutely impossible for me to meditate as I had been accustomed to do in the past. I felt in my soul a great void, and there was nothing with which I could fill it. I began to suffer from a great hunger and yearning for God, but I saw my utter powerlessness. I tried to read slowly, sentence by sentence, and to meditate in this way, but this also was of no avail. I understood nothing of what I had read.
The abyss of my misery was constantly before my eyes. Every time I entered the chapel for some spiritual exercise, I experienced even worse torments and temptations. More than once, all through Holy Mass, I had to struggle against blasphemous thoughts which were forcing themselves to my lips. I felt an aversion for the Holy Sacraments, and it seemed to me that I was not profiting from them in any way. It was only out of obedience to my confessor that I frequented them, and this blind obedience was for me the only path I could follow and my very last hope of survival. The priest explained to me that these were trials sent by God and that, in the situation I was in, not only was I not offending God, but I was most pleasing to Him. "This is a sign," he told me, "that God loves you very much and that He has great confidence in you, since He is sending you such trials." But these words brought me no comfort; it seemed to me that they did not apply to me at all.
One thing did surprise me: it often happened that, at the time when I was suffering greatly, these terrible torments would disappear suddenly just as I was approaching the confessional; but as soon as I had left the confessional, all these torments would again seize me with even greater ferocity. I would then fall on my face before the Blessed Sacrament repeating these words: "Even if You kill me, still will I trust in You!" [cf. Job 13:15] It seemed to me that I would die in these agonies. But the most terrible thought for me was the conviction that I had been rejected by God. Then other thoughts came to me: why strive to acquire virtues and do good works? why mortify and annihilate yourself? what good is it to take vows? to pray? to sacrifice and immolate yourself? why sacrifice myself all the time? what good is it - if I am already rejected by God? why all these efforts? And here, God alone knew what was going on in my heart.
77 My mind became dimmed in a strange way; no truth seemed clear to me. When people spoke to me about God, my heart was like a rock. I could not draw from it a single sentiment of love for Him. When I tried, by an act of the will, to remain close to Him, I experienced great torments, and it seemed to me that I was only provoking God to an even greater anger. It was absolutely impossible for me to meditate as I had been accustomed to do in the past. I felt in my soul a great void, and there was nothing with which I could fill it. I began to suffer from a great hunger and yearning for God, but I saw my utter powerlessness. I tried to read slowly, sentence by sentence, and to meditate in this way, but this also was of no avail. I understood nothing of what I had read.
The abyss of my misery was constantly before my eyes. Every time I entered the chapel for some spiritual exercise, I experienced even worse torments and temptations. More than once, all through Holy Mass, I had to struggle against blasphemous thoughts which were forcing themselves to my lips. I felt an aversion for the Holy Sacraments, and it seemed to me that I was not profiting from them in any way. It was only out of obedience to my confessor that I frequented them, and this blind obedience was for me the only path I could follow and my very last hope of survival. The priest explained to me that these were trials sent by God and that, in the situation I was in, not only was I not offending God, but I was most pleasing to Him. "This is a sign," he told me, "that God loves you very much and that He has great confidence in you, since He is sending you such trials." But these words brought me no comfort; it seemed to me that they did not apply to me at all.
One thing did surprise me: it often happened that, at the time when I was suffering greatly, these terrible torments would disappear suddenly just as I was approaching the confessional; but as soon as I had left the confessional, all these torments would again seize me with even greater ferocity. I would then fall on my face before the Blessed Sacrament repeating these words: "Even if You kill me, still will I trust in You!" [cf. Job 13:15] It seemed to me that I would die in these agonies. But the most terrible thought for me was the conviction that I had been rejected by God. Then other thoughts came to me: why strive to acquire virtues and do good works? why mortify and annihilate yourself? what good is it to take vows? to pray? to sacrifice and immolate yourself? why sacrifice myself all the time? what good is it - if I am already rejected by God? why all these efforts? And here, God alone knew what was going on in my heart.
96 +Trials sent by God to a soul which is particularly loved
by Him.
Temptations and darkness; Satan. The soul's love [for God] is still not such as God would have it. The soul suddenly loses the tangible perception of God's presence. Various defects and imperfections rise up within it, and it must fight them furiously. All her faults lift up their heads, but the soul's vigilance is great. The former awareness of the presence of God gives place to coldness and spiritual dryness; the soul has no taste for spiritual exercises; it cannot pray, either in the old way, or in the manner in which it had just begun to pray. It struggles this way and that, but can find no satisfaction. God has hidden himself from it, and it can find no consolation in creatures, nor can any of these creatures find a way of consoling it. The soul craves passionately for God, but sees its own misery; it begins to sense God's justice; it seems to it that it has lost all the gifts that God had given it; its mind is dimmed, and darkness fills it; unspeakable torment begins. The soul tries to explain its state to the confessor, but it is not understood and is assailed by an even greater unrest. Satan begins his work.
Temptations and darkness; Satan. The soul's love [for God] is still not such as God would have it. The soul suddenly loses the tangible perception of God's presence. Various defects and imperfections rise up within it, and it must fight them furiously. All her faults lift up their heads, but the soul's vigilance is great. The former awareness of the presence of God gives place to coldness and spiritual dryness; the soul has no taste for spiritual exercises; it cannot pray, either in the old way, or in the manner in which it had just begun to pray. It struggles this way and that, but can find no satisfaction. God has hidden himself from it, and it can find no consolation in creatures, nor can any of these creatures find a way of consoling it. The soul craves passionately for God, but sees its own misery; it begins to sense God's justice; it seems to it that it has lost all the gifts that God had given it; its mind is dimmed, and darkness fills it; unspeakable torment begins. The soul tries to explain its state to the confessor, but it is not understood and is assailed by an even greater unrest. Satan begins his work.
97 Faith staggers
under the impact; the struggle is fierce. The soul tries hard to cling to God
by an act of will. With God's permission, Satan goes even further: hope and
love are put to the test. These temptations are terrible. God supports the soul
in secret, so to speak. The soul is not aware of this, but otherwise it would be
impossible to stand firm; and God knows very well how much He can allow to
befall a soul. The soul is tempted to unbelief in respect to revealed truths
and to insincerity toward the confessor. Satan says to it, "Look, no one
understands you; why speak about all this?" Words that terrify it sound in
its ears, and it seems to the soul that it is uttering these against God. It
sees what it does not want to see. It hears what it does not want to hear. And,
oh, it is a terrible thing at times like these not to have an experienced
confessor! The soul carries the whole burden alone. However, one should make
every effort to find, if it is at all possible, a well-informed confessor, for
the soul can collapse under the burden and come to the very edge of the precipice.
All these trials are heavy and difficult. God does not send them to a soul
which has not already been admitted to a deeper intimacy with Him and which has
not yet tasted the divine delights. Besides, in this God has His own plans,
which for us are impenetrable. God often prepares a soul in this way for His
future designs and great works. He wants to try it as pure gold is tried. But
this is not yet the end of the testing; there is still the trial of trials, the
complete abandonment of the soul by God.
+ The Trial of
Trials, Complete Abandonment - Despair
98 When the soul comes out victorious from the preceding trials, even though it may stumble here and there, it fights on valiantly, humbly calling upon God, "Save me, I am perishing!" And it is still able to fight on.
At this point, however, the soul is engulfed in a horrible night. It sees within itself only sin. It feels terrible. It sees itself completely abandoned by God. It feels itself to be the object of His hatred. It is but one step away from despair. The soul does its best to defend itself; it tries to stir up its confidence; but prayer is an even greater torment for it, as this prayer seems to arouse God to an even greater anger. The soul finds itself poised on the summit of a lofty mountain on the very brink of a precipice.
The soul is drawn to God, but feels repulsed. All other sufferings and tortures in the world are as nothing compared with this sensation into which it has been plunged; namely, that of being rejected by God. No one can bring it any relief; it finds itself completely alone; there is no one to defend it. It raises its eyes to heaven, but is convinced that this is not for her-for her all is lost. It falls deeper and deeper from darkness to darkness, and it seems to it that it has lost forever the God it used to love so dearly. This thought is torture beyond all description. But the soul does not agree to it and tries to lift its gaze toward heaven, but in vain! And this makes the torture even more intense.
If God wishes to keep the soul in such darkness, no one will be able to give it light. It experiences rejection by God in a vivid and terrifying manner. From its heart burst forth painful moans, so painful that no priest will comprehend it, unless he himself has been through these trials. In the midst of this, the evil spirit adds to the soul's suffering, mocking it: "Will you persist in your faithfulness? This is your reward; you are in our power!" But Satan has only as much influence over the soul as God allows him, and God knows how much we can bear. "What have you gotten out of your mortifications," says Satan, "and out of your fidelity to the rule? What use are all these efforts? You have been rejected by God!" This word, rejected, becomes a fire which penetrates every nerve to the marrow of the bone. It pierces right through her entire being. The ordeal reaches its climax. The soul no longer looks for help anywhere. It shrinks into itself and loses sight of everything; it is as though it has accepted the torture of being abandoned. This is a moment for which I have no words. This is the agony of the soul.
98 When the soul comes out victorious from the preceding trials, even though it may stumble here and there, it fights on valiantly, humbly calling upon God, "Save me, I am perishing!" And it is still able to fight on.
At this point, however, the soul is engulfed in a horrible night. It sees within itself only sin. It feels terrible. It sees itself completely abandoned by God. It feels itself to be the object of His hatred. It is but one step away from despair. The soul does its best to defend itself; it tries to stir up its confidence; but prayer is an even greater torment for it, as this prayer seems to arouse God to an even greater anger. The soul finds itself poised on the summit of a lofty mountain on the very brink of a precipice.
The soul is drawn to God, but feels repulsed. All other sufferings and tortures in the world are as nothing compared with this sensation into which it has been plunged; namely, that of being rejected by God. No one can bring it any relief; it finds itself completely alone; there is no one to defend it. It raises its eyes to heaven, but is convinced that this is not for her-for her all is lost. It falls deeper and deeper from darkness to darkness, and it seems to it that it has lost forever the God it used to love so dearly. This thought is torture beyond all description. But the soul does not agree to it and tries to lift its gaze toward heaven, but in vain! And this makes the torture even more intense.
If God wishes to keep the soul in such darkness, no one will be able to give it light. It experiences rejection by God in a vivid and terrifying manner. From its heart burst forth painful moans, so painful that no priest will comprehend it, unless he himself has been through these trials. In the midst of this, the evil spirit adds to the soul's suffering, mocking it: "Will you persist in your faithfulness? This is your reward; you are in our power!" But Satan has only as much influence over the soul as God allows him, and God knows how much we can bear. "What have you gotten out of your mortifications," says Satan, "and out of your fidelity to the rule? What use are all these efforts? You have been rejected by God!" This word, rejected, becomes a fire which penetrates every nerve to the marrow of the bone. It pierces right through her entire being. The ordeal reaches its climax. The soul no longer looks for help anywhere. It shrinks into itself and loses sight of everything; it is as though it has accepted the torture of being abandoned. This is a moment for which I have no words. This is the agony of the soul.
101 Jesus, You alone know how the
soul, engulfed in darkness, moans in the midst of these torments and, despite
all this, thirsts for God as burning lips thirst for water. It dies and
withers; it dies a death without death; that is to say, it cannot die. All its
efforts come to nothing; it is under a powerful hand. Now the soul comes under
the power of the Just One. All exterior temptations cease; all that surrounds
it becomes silent, like a dying person who loses contact with everything around
it: the person's entire soul is in the hand of the Just God, the Thrice-Holy
God,-rejected for all eternity! This is the culminating moment, and God alone
can test a soul in this way, because He alone knows what the soul can endure.
When the soul has been saturated through and through by this infernal fire, it is, as it were, cast headlong into great despair. My soul experienced this moment when I was all alone in my cell. When my soul began to sink into this despair, I felt that the end was near. But I seized my little crucifix and clutched it tightly in my hand. And now I felt my body separate itself from my soul; and though I wanted to go to my Superiors, I no longer had the physical strength. I uttered my last words: "I trust in Your Mercy!"-and it seemed to me that I provoked God to an even greater anger. And now I was drowned in despair, and all that was left me was a moan of unadulterated pain which, from time to time, tore itself from my soul. The soul is in agony-and it seemed to me that I would remain in this state, because by my own strength I could not emerge from it. Every recollection of God opened up an unspeakable ocean of suffering, and yet despite this there is something within the soul which is drawn to Him, though it seems to her for this only-that she suffer more. The memory of the love with which God formerly surrounded it is still another kind of suffering. His gaze pierces it, and everything within the soul is burned by this gaze.
When the soul has been saturated through and through by this infernal fire, it is, as it were, cast headlong into great despair. My soul experienced this moment when I was all alone in my cell. When my soul began to sink into this despair, I felt that the end was near. But I seized my little crucifix and clutched it tightly in my hand. And now I felt my body separate itself from my soul; and though I wanted to go to my Superiors, I no longer had the physical strength. I uttered my last words: "I trust in Your Mercy!"-and it seemed to me that I provoked God to an even greater anger. And now I was drowned in despair, and all that was left me was a moan of unadulterated pain which, from time to time, tore itself from my soul. The soul is in agony-and it seemed to me that I would remain in this state, because by my own strength I could not emerge from it. Every recollection of God opened up an unspeakable ocean of suffering, and yet despite this there is something within the soul which is drawn to Him, though it seems to her for this only-that she suffer more. The memory of the love with which God formerly surrounded it is still another kind of suffering. His gaze pierces it, and everything within the soul is burned by this gaze.
147 I recall that
I have received most light during adoration which I made lying prostrate before
the Blessed Sacrament for half an hour every day throughout Lent. During that
time I came to know myself and God more profoundly. And yet, even though I had
the superiors' permission to do so, I encountered many obstacles to praying in
such a way. Let the soul be aware that, in order to pray and persevere in
prayer, one must arm oneself with patience and cope bravely with exterior and
interior difficulties. The interior difficulties are discouragement, dryness,
heaviness of spirit and temptations. The exterior difficulties are human
respect and time; one must observe the time set apart for prayer. This has been
my personal experience because, when I did not pray at the time assigned for
prayer, later on I could not do it because of my duties; or if I did manage to
do so, this was only with great difficulty, because my thoughts kept wandering
off to my duties. I also experienced this difficulty: when a soul has prayed
well and left prayer in a state of profound interior recollection, others
resist its recollection; and so, the soul must be patient to persevere in
prayer. It often happened to me that when my soul was more deeply immersed in
God, and I had derived greater fruit from prayer, and God's presence
accompanied me during the day, and at work there was more recollection and
greater precision and effort at my duty, this was precisely when I received the
most rebukes for being negligent in my duty and indifferent to everything;
because less recollected souls want others to be like them, for they are a
constant [source of] remorse to them.
173 Satan's temptations during
meditation. I felt a strange fear that the priest would not
understand me, or that he would have
no time to hear everything I would have to say. How am I going to tell him all
this? If it were Father Bukowski I could do it more easily, but this Jesuit
whom I am seeing for the first time... Then I remembered Father Bukowski's advice
that I should at least take brief notes of the lights sent to me by God during
the retreats and give him at least a brief report on them. My God, for a day
and a half all has gone well, and now a life and death struggle is beginning.
The conference is to start in a half hour, and then I am to go to confession.
Satan tried to persuade me into believing that if my superiors have told me
that my inner life is an illusion, why should I ask again and trouble the
confessor? Didn't MX [probably Mother Jane] tell you that the Lord Jesus does
not commune with souls as miserable as yours? This confessor is going to tell
you the same thing. Why speak to him about all this? These are not sins, and
Mother X, told you that all this communing with the Lord Jesus was daydreaming
and pure hysteria. So why tell it to this confessor? You would do
better to dismiss all this as
illusions. Look how many humiliations you have suffered because of them, and
how many more are still awaiting you, and all the sisters know that you are a
hysteric. "Jesus!" I called out with all the strength of my soul.
343 True love is measured by the
thermometer of suffering. Jesus, I thank You for the little daily crosses, for
opposition to my endeavors, for the hardships of communal life, for the misinterpretation
of my intentions, for humiliations at the hands of others, for the harsh way in
which we are treated, for false suspicions, for poor health and loss of
strength, for self-denial, for dying to myself, for lack of recognition in
everything, for the upsetting of all my plans.
Thank You, Jesus, for interior sufferings, for dryness of spirit, for terrors, fears and incertitudes, for the darkness and the deep interior night, for temptations and various ordeals, for torments too difficult to describe, especially for those which no one will understand, for the hour of death with its fierce struggle and all its bitterness.
I thank You, Jesus, You who first drank the cup of bitterness before You gave it to me, in a much milder form. I put my lips to this cup of Your holy will. Let all be done according to Your good pleasure; let that which Your wisdom ordained before the ages be done to me. I want to drink the cup to its last drop, and not seek to know the reason why. In bitterness is my joy, in hopelessness is my trust. In You, O Lord, all is good, all is a gift of Your paternal Heart. I do not prefer consolations over bitterness or bitterness over consolations, but thank You, O Jesus, for everything! It is my delight to fix my gaze upon You, O incomprehensible God! My spirit abides in these mysterious dwelling places, and there I am at home. I know very well the dwelling place of my Spouse. I feel there is not a single drop of blood in me that does not burn with love for You.
O Uncreated Beauty, whoever comes to know You once cannot love anything else. I can feel the bottomless abyss of my soul, and nothing will fill it but God himself. I feel that I am drowned in Him like a single grain of sand in a bottomless ocean.
Thank You, Jesus, for interior sufferings, for dryness of spirit, for terrors, fears and incertitudes, for the darkness and the deep interior night, for temptations and various ordeals, for torments too difficult to describe, especially for those which no one will understand, for the hour of death with its fierce struggle and all its bitterness.
I thank You, Jesus, You who first drank the cup of bitterness before You gave it to me, in a much milder form. I put my lips to this cup of Your holy will. Let all be done according to Your good pleasure; let that which Your wisdom ordained before the ages be done to me. I want to drink the cup to its last drop, and not seek to know the reason why. In bitterness is my joy, in hopelessness is my trust. In You, O Lord, all is good, all is a gift of Your paternal Heart. I do not prefer consolations over bitterness or bitterness over consolations, but thank You, O Jesus, for everything! It is my delight to fix my gaze upon You, O incomprehensible God! My spirit abides in these mysterious dwelling places, and there I am at home. I know very well the dwelling place of my Spouse. I feel there is not a single drop of blood in me that does not burn with love for You.
O Uncreated Beauty, whoever comes to know You once cannot love anything else. I can feel the bottomless abyss of my soul, and nothing will fill it but God himself. I feel that I am drowned in Him like a single grain of sand in a bottomless ocean.
429
When I became aware of God's great plans for me, I was frightened at their
greatness and felt myself quite incapable of fulfilling them, and I began to
avoid interior conversations with Him, filling up the time with vocal prayer. I
did this out of humility, but I soon recognized it was not true humility, but
rather a great temptation from the devil. When, on one occasion, instead of
interior prayer, I took up a book of spiritual reading, I heard these words
spoken distinctly and forcefully within my soul, You will prepare the world for My
final coming. These words moved me deeply, and although I
pretended not to hear them, 1 understood them very well and had no doubt about
them. Once, being tired out from this battle of love with God, and making
constant excuses on the grounds that I was unable to carry out this task, I
wanted to leave the chapel, but some force held me back and I found myself
powerless. Then I heard these words, You
intend to leave the chapel, but you shall not get away from Me, for I am
everywhere. You cannot do anything of yourself, but with me you can do all
things.
1031 March
22, 1937. As I was talking, today, to a certain person, I recognized that she
was suffering greatly in spirit, although exteriorly she pretended that she was
very happy and was not suffering at all. I felt inspired to tell her that what
was troubling her was a temptation. When I disclosed to her what was torturing
her, she burst into tears and told me that she had come to see me precisely to
speak to me, because she felt that it would bring her relief. The suffering was
of such a kind that the soul was being attracted by God's grace on the one hand
and by the world on the other. She was going through a terrible struggle that
brought her to the point of weeping like a little child. But she went away
soothed and set at peace.
1086 Although the temptations are
strong, a whole wave of doubts beats against my soul, and discouragement stands
by, ready to enter into the act, the Lord, however, strengthens my will,
against which all the attempts of the enemy are shattered as if against a rock.
I see how many actual graces God grants me; these support me ceaselessly. I am
very weak, and I attribute everything solely to the grace of God.
1488
Conversation of the Merciful God with a Soul Striving after Perfection.
Jesus: I am pleased with your efforts, O soul aspiring for perfection, but why do I see you so often sad and depressed? Tell Me, My child, what is the meaning of this sadness, and what is its cause?
Soul: Lord, the reason for my sadness is that, in spite of my sincere resolutions, I fall again into the same faults. I make resolutions in the morning, but in the evening I see how much I have departed from them.
Jesus: You see, My child, what you are of yourself. The cause of your falls is that you rely too much upon yourself and too little on Me. But let this not sadden you so much. You are dealing with the God of mercy, which your misery cannot exhaust. Remember, I did not allot only a certain number of pardons.
Soul: Yes, I know all that, but great temptations assail me, and various doubts awaken within me and, moreover, everything irritates and discourages me.
Jesus: My child, know that the greatest obstacles to holiness are discouragement and an exaggerated anxiety. These will deprive you of the ability to practice virtue. All temptations united together ought not disturb your interior peace, not even momentarily. Sensitiveness and discouragement are the fruits of self-love. You should not become discouraged, but strive to make My love reign in place of your self-love. Have confidence, My child. Do not lose heart in coming for pardon, for I am always ready to forgive you. As often as you beg for it, you glorify My mercy.
Soul: I understand what is the better thing to do, what pleases You more, but I encounter great obstacles in acting on this understanding.
Jesus: My child, life on earth is a struggle indeed; a great struggle for My kingdom. But fear not, because you are not alone. I am always supporting you, so lean on Me as you struggle, fearing nothing. Take the vessel of trust and draw from the fountain of life-for yourself, but also for other souls, especially such as are distrustful of My goodness.
Soul: O Lord, I feel my heart being filled with Your love and the rays of Your mercy and love piercing my soul. I go, Lord, at Your command. I go to conquer souls. Sustained by Your grace, I am ready to follow You, Lord, not only to Tabor, but also to Calvary. I desire to lead souls to the fount of Your mercy so that the splendor of Your mercy may be reflected in all souls, and the home of our Father be filled to overflowing. And when the enemy begins to attack me, I shall take refuge behind the shield of Your mercy.
Jesus: I am pleased with your efforts, O soul aspiring for perfection, but why do I see you so often sad and depressed? Tell Me, My child, what is the meaning of this sadness, and what is its cause?
Soul: Lord, the reason for my sadness is that, in spite of my sincere resolutions, I fall again into the same faults. I make resolutions in the morning, but in the evening I see how much I have departed from them.
Jesus: You see, My child, what you are of yourself. The cause of your falls is that you rely too much upon yourself and too little on Me. But let this not sadden you so much. You are dealing with the God of mercy, which your misery cannot exhaust. Remember, I did not allot only a certain number of pardons.
Soul: Yes, I know all that, but great temptations assail me, and various doubts awaken within me and, moreover, everything irritates and discourages me.
Jesus: My child, know that the greatest obstacles to holiness are discouragement and an exaggerated anxiety. These will deprive you of the ability to practice virtue. All temptations united together ought not disturb your interior peace, not even momentarily. Sensitiveness and discouragement are the fruits of self-love. You should not become discouraged, but strive to make My love reign in place of your self-love. Have confidence, My child. Do not lose heart in coming for pardon, for I am always ready to forgive you. As often as you beg for it, you glorify My mercy.
Soul: I understand what is the better thing to do, what pleases You more, but I encounter great obstacles in acting on this understanding.
Jesus: My child, life on earth is a struggle indeed; a great struggle for My kingdom. But fear not, because you are not alone. I am always supporting you, so lean on Me as you struggle, fearing nothing. Take the vessel of trust and draw from the fountain of life-for yourself, but also for other souls, especially such as are distrustful of My goodness.
Soul: O Lord, I feel my heart being filled with Your love and the rays of Your mercy and love piercing my soul. I go, Lord, at Your command. I go to conquer souls. Sustained by Your grace, I am ready to follow You, Lord, not only to Tabor, but also to Calvary. I desire to lead souls to the fount of Your mercy so that the splendor of Your mercy may be reflected in all souls, and the home of our Father be filled to overflowing. And when the enemy begins to attack me, I shall take refuge behind the shield of Your mercy.
1558
February 2, [1938]. Darkness of the soul. Today is the Feast of the Mother of
God, and in my soul it is so dark. The Lord has hidden Himself, and I am alone,
all alone. My mind has become so dimmed that I see only phantasies about me.
Not a single ray of light penetrates my soul. I do not understand myself or
those who speak to me. Frightful temptations regarding the holy faith assail
me. O my Jesus, save me. I cannot say anything more. I cannot describe these
things in detail, for I fear lest someone be scandalized on reading this. I am
astounded that such torments could befall a soul. O hurricane, what are you
doing to the boat of my heart? This storm has lasted the whole day and night.
When Mother Superior [Irene] came in to see me and asked, "Would you like to take advantage of this occasion, Sister, since Father An. [Andrasz] is coming to hear confessions?" I answered, no. It seemed to me that Father would not understand me, nor would I be able to make a confession.
I spent the whole night with Jesus in Gethsemane. From my breast there escaped one continuous moan. A natural dying will be much easier, because then one is in agony and will die; while here, one is in agony, but cannot die. O Jesus, I never thought such suffering could exist. Nothingness: that is the reality. O Jesus, save me! I believe in You with all my heart. So many times have I seen the radiance of Your face, and now, where are You, Lord?... I believe, I believe, and again I believe in You, Triune God, Father, Son and Holy Spirit, and in all the truths which Your holy Church gives me to believe... But the darkness does not recede, and my spirit plunges into even greater agony. And at that moment, such terrible torment overwhelmed me that now I am amazed at myself that I did not breathe my last, but this was for only a brief instant.
When Mother Superior [Irene] came in to see me and asked, "Would you like to take advantage of this occasion, Sister, since Father An. [Andrasz] is coming to hear confessions?" I answered, no. It seemed to me that Father would not understand me, nor would I be able to make a confession.
I spent the whole night with Jesus in Gethsemane. From my breast there escaped one continuous moan. A natural dying will be much easier, because then one is in agony and will die; while here, one is in agony, but cannot die. O Jesus, I never thought such suffering could exist. Nothingness: that is the reality. O Jesus, save me! I believe in You with all my heart. So many times have I seen the radiance of Your face, and now, where are You, Lord?... I believe, I believe, and again I believe in You, Triune God, Father, Son and Holy Spirit, and in all the truths which Your holy Church gives me to believe... But the darkness does not recede, and my spirit plunges into even greater agony. And at that moment, such terrible torment overwhelmed me that now I am amazed at myself that I did not breathe my last, but this was for only a brief instant.
1560 February 3, [1938]. Today after
Holy Communion, Jesus again gave me a few directives: First, do not fight
against a temptation by yourself, but disclose it to the confessor at once, and
then the temptation will lose all its force. Second, during these ordeals do
not lose your peace; live in My presence; ask My Mother and the Saints for
help. Third, have the certitude that I am looking at you and supporting you.
Fourth, do not fear either struggles of the soul or any temptations, because I
am supporting you; if only you are willing to fight, know that the victory is
always on your side. Fifth, know that by fighting bravely you give Me great
glory and amass merits for yourself. Temptation gives you a chance to show Me
your fidelity.
1580 My Jesus, I now
see that I have gone through all the stages of my life following You:
childhood, youth, vocation, apostolic work, Tabor, Gethsemane, and now I am
already with You on Calvary. I have willingly allowed myself to be crucified,
and I am indeed already crucified; although I can still walk a little, I am
stretched out on the cross, and I feel distinctly that strength is flowing to
me from Your Cross, that You and You alone are my perseverance. Although I
often hear the voice of temptation calling to me, "Come down from the
cross!" the power of God strengthens me. Although loneliness and darkness
and sufferings of all kinds beat against my heart, the mysterious power of God
supports and strengthens me. I want to drink the cup to the last drop. I trust
firmly that Your grace, which has sustained me in the Garden of Olives, will
sustain me also now that I am on Calvary.
1715 A strong temptation. The Lord
gave me to know how pleasing a pure heart is to Him, and thereby I was given a
deeper knowledge of my own misery. When I began to prepare for confession,
strong temptations against confessors assaulted me. I did not see Satan, but I
could sense him, his terrible anger. - "Yes, he's an ordinary man." -
"Not ordinary, because he has the power of God." - Yes, it is not difficult
for me to accuse myself of my sins. But to uncover the most secret depths of my
heart, to give an account of the action of God's grace, to speak about God's
every demand, about all that goes on between God and myself... to tell that to
a man is beyond my strength. I felt I was fighting against the powers and I
cried out: "O Christ, You and the priest are one; I will approach
confession as if I were approaching, not a man, but You." When I entered
the confessional, I began by disclosing my difficulties. The priest replied
that the best thing I could have done was to disclose these temptations from
the outset. However, after the confession, they took flight, and my soul is
enjoying peace.
Conference on Spiritual Warfare.
1760 My daughter, I want to teach you about spiritual warfare. Never trust in yourself, but abandon yourself totally to My will. In desolation, darkness and various doubts, have recourse to Me and to your spiritual director. He will always answer you in My name. Do not bargain with any temptation; lock yourself immediately in My Heart and, at the first opportunity, reveal the temptation to the confessor. Put your self-love in the last place, so that it does not taint your deeds. Bear with yourself with great patience. Do not neglect interior mortifications. Always justify to yourself the opinions of your superiors and of your confessor. Shun murmurers like a plague. Let all act as they like; you are to act as I want you to.
Observe the rule as faithfully as you can. If someone causes you trouble, think what good you can do for the person who caused you to suffer. Do not pour out your feelings. Be silent when you are rebuked. Do not ask everyone's opinion, but only the opinion of your confessor; be as frank and simple as a child with him. Do not become discouraged by ingratitude. Do not examine with curiosity the roads down which I lead you. When boredom and discouragement beat against your heart, run away from yourself and hide in My heart. Do not fear struggle; courage itself often intimidates temptations, and they dare not attack us.
Always fight with the deep conviction that I am with you. Do not be guided by feeling, because it is not always under your control; but all merit lies in the will. Always depend upon your superiors, even in the smallest things. I will not delude you with prospects of peace and consolations; on the contrary, prepare for great battles. Know that you are now on a great stage where all heaven and earth are watching you. Fight like a knight, so that I can reward you. Do not be unduly fearful, because you are not alone.
1760 My daughter, I want to teach you about spiritual warfare. Never trust in yourself, but abandon yourself totally to My will. In desolation, darkness and various doubts, have recourse to Me and to your spiritual director. He will always answer you in My name. Do not bargain with any temptation; lock yourself immediately in My Heart and, at the first opportunity, reveal the temptation to the confessor. Put your self-love in the last place, so that it does not taint your deeds. Bear with yourself with great patience. Do not neglect interior mortifications. Always justify to yourself the opinions of your superiors and of your confessor. Shun murmurers like a plague. Let all act as they like; you are to act as I want you to.
Observe the rule as faithfully as you can. If someone causes you trouble, think what good you can do for the person who caused you to suffer. Do not pour out your feelings. Be silent when you are rebuked. Do not ask everyone's opinion, but only the opinion of your confessor; be as frank and simple as a child with him. Do not become discouraged by ingratitude. Do not examine with curiosity the roads down which I lead you. When boredom and discouragement beat against your heart, run away from yourself and hide in My heart. Do not fear struggle; courage itself often intimidates temptations, and they dare not attack us.
Always fight with the deep conviction that I am with you. Do not be guided by feeling, because it is not always under your control; but all merit lies in the will. Always depend upon your superiors, even in the smallest things. I will not delude you with prospects of peace and consolations; on the contrary, prepare for great battles. Know that you are now on a great stage where all heaven and earth are watching you. Fight like a knight, so that I can reward you. Do not be unduly fearful, because you are not alone.
1823 12. + Today, my soul is preparing for
the coming of my Savior, who is goodness and love itself. Temptations and
distractions torment me and do not let me prepare for the coming of the Lord.
Therefore I desire even more ardently to receive You, Lord, because I know that
when You come, You will rescue me from these torments. And if it is Your will
that I should suffer, well then, fortify me for the struggle.
Jesus, Savior, who have deigned to come into my heart, drive away these distractions which are keeping me from talking to You.
Jesus answered me, I want you to become like a knight experienced in battle, who can give orders to others amid the exploding shells. In the same way, My child, you should know how to master yourself amid the greatest difficulties, and let nothing drive you away from Me, not even your falls.
Today, I have been struggling all day long with a certain difficulty about which You, Jesus, know...
Jesus, Savior, who have deigned to come into my heart, drive away these distractions which are keeping me from talking to You.
Jesus answered me, I want you to become like a knight experienced in battle, who can give orders to others amid the exploding shells. In the same way, My child, you should know how to master yourself amid the greatest difficulties, and let nothing drive you away from Me, not even your falls.
Today, I have been struggling all day long with a certain difficulty about which You, Jesus, know...
(Diary
of Sister Faustina Kowalska Notebook-I-40, 77, 96-98, 101, 147, 173, 343, 429) (Diary
of Sister Faustina Kowalska Notebook-II-872, )
(Diary
of Sister Faustina Kowalska Notebook-III-1031, 1086)
(Diary
of Sister Faustina Kowalska Notebook-V-1488, 1558, 1560, 1580)
(Diary
of Sister Faustina Kowalska Notebook-VI-1715, 1760)
(Preparation
for Holy Communion-1823-1828)
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