Lenten Training Camp
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March 10, 2019. First
Sunday of Lent
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Luke 4:1:13
Filled with the Holy
Spirit, Jesus returned from the Jordan and was led by the Spirit into the
desert for forty days, to be tempted by the devil. He ate nothing during
those days, and when they were over he was hungry. The devil said to him,
"If you are the Son of God, command this stone to become bread."
Jesus answered him, "It is written, ´One does not live by bread
alone.´" Then he took him up and showed him all the kingdoms of the
world in a single instant. The devil said to him, "I shall give to you
all this power and their glory; for it has been handed over to me, and I may
give it to whomever I wish. All this will be yours, if you worship me."
Jesus said to him in reply, "It is written: ´You shall worship the Lord,
your God, and him alone shall you serve.´" Then he led him to Jerusalem,
made him stand on the parapet of the temple, and said to him, "If you
are the Son of God, throw yourself down from here, for it is written: ´He
will command his angels concerning you, to guard you,´ and: ´With their hands
they will support you, lest you dash your foot against a stone.´" Jesus
said to him in reply, "It also says, ´You shall not put the Lord, your
God, to the test.´" When the devil had finished every temptation, he
departed from him for a time.
Introductory Prayer: Lord Jesus, in this season of Lent, I want to draw closer to You.
I believe that You truly became one of us to save us as an act of love beyond
all human understanding. I know I can count on You to carry me through each
day. I know that in all circumstances You are with me. I want to love You
more than myself and say “yes” to Your will in every moment. I trust totally
in Your grace. Thank You, Lord! This Lent, I want to learn to love You as you
deserve by being the person You want me to be.
Petition: Help me, Lord, to take advantage of this
Lent and draw closer to you.
1. Holiness and
Temptation: Have you noticed in
the gospels that the only times we see Jesus being tempted by the devil are
those in which Christ was in prayer or was doing penance ? It’s when he’s in
prayer or fasting that he is assailed by the devil, as in today’s Gospel
reading or in the Garden of Gethsemane on Holy Thursday. A similar pattern
frequently appears in our lives, too. We make a decision to do something good
and then promptly find it hard to do. What can we conclude from this? The
fact is that when we’re mediocre, we run no risk of becoming holy and
spoiling Satan’s plans . Thus, he has no concern for us. It’s when we start
to strive for holiness that we will find ourselves face-to-face with
temptation, because the devil begins to put all sorts of obstacles in our
paths.
2. Detachment from
Self: Lent is a time for
us to renew our awareness of the suffering Jesus endured for our sake. That
awareness should lead us to action. In this Lenten season t he Church invites
us to a greater self-sacrifice. Sacrifice helps us to be more detached from
the sources of temptation that can keep us from reaping the full fruits of
Christ’s redeeming work and from loving God with an undivided heart. That’s
why our Lenten sacrifice should really be something that purifies our hearts
and makes us more generous with others. Our sacrifice should make us less
self-centered. It should make us better followers of Christ.
3. God as Our Point
of Reference: Overcoming
temptation is not an easy business. In fact, it’s impossible without God’s
grace. When Jesus was tempted, he showed us what our reference point should
be: God. All three times the devil tempted him in the Gospel, he answered by
putting God’s word and God’s will first. In order for us to persevere in our
Lenten resolutions, we must center ourselves on God and rely on his grace.
That means living close to Christ in Scripture – especially the Gospels. It
means staying close to him in the Sacraments, especially the Eucharist and
Reconciliation.
Conversation with
Christ: Lord Jesus, help me to know myself better so
that I can see what I need to do in order to live a holier life. Give me
resolve, perseverance to keep up the good fight and carry through, and
humility to seek Your grace. Without You I can do nothing.
Resolution: I will offer my Lenten sacrifice with
enthusiasm and constancy today, relying on God’s
Excerpts from the
DIARY of Saint Faustina Kowalska
18 However, after three weeks I became aware
that there is so very little time here for prayer, and of many other things
which spoke to my soul in favor of entering a religious community of a
stricter observance. This thought took a firm hold of my soul, but the will
of God was not in it. Still, the thought, or rather the temptation, was
growing stronger and stronger to the point where I decided one day to
announce my departure to Mother Superior and definitely to leave [the
convent]. But God arranged the circumstances in such a way that I could not
get to the Mother Superior [Michael]. I stepped into the little chapel [7]
before going to bed, and I asked Jesus for light in this matter. But I
received nothing in my soul except a strange unrest which I did not
understand. But, in spite of everything, I made up my mind to approach Mother
Superior the next morning right afte rMass and tell her of my decision.
40 +The year 1929. Once during Holy Mass, I
felt in a very special way the closeness of God, although I tried to turn
away and escape from Him. On several occasions I have run away from God
because I did not want to be a victim of the evil spirit; since others have
told me, more than once, that such is the case. And this incertitude lasted
for quite some time. During Holy Mass, before Communion, we had the renewal
of vows. When we had left our kneelers and had started to recite the formula
for the vows, Jesus appeared suddenly at my side clad in a white garment with
a golden girdle around His waist, and He said to me, I give you eternal love
that your purity may be untarnished and as a sign that you will never be
subject to temptations against purity. Jesus took off His golden cincture and
tied it around my waist.
Darkness and Temptations
77 My mind became dimmed in a strange way; no
truth seemed clear to me. When people spoke to me about God, my heart was
like a rock. I could not draw from it a single sentiment of love for Him.
When I tried, by an act of the will, to remain close to Him, I experienced
great torments, and it seemed to me that I was only provoking God to an even
greater anger. It was absolutely impossible for me to meditate as I had been
accustomed to do in the past. I felt in my soul a great void, and there was
nothing with which I could fill it. I began to suffer from a great hunger and
yearning for God, but I saw my utter powerlessness. I tried to read slowly,
sentence by sentence, and to meditate in this way, but this also was of no
avail. I understood nothing of what I had read.
The abyss of my misery was constantly before
my eyes. Every time I entered the chapel for some spiritual exercise, I
experienced even worse torments and temptations. More than once, all through
Holy Mass, I had to struggle against blasphemous thoughts which were forcing
themselves to my lips. I felt an aversion for the Holy Sacraments, and it
seemed to me that I was not profiting from them in any way. It was only out
of obedience to my confessor that I frequented them, and this blind obedience
was for me the only path I could
follow and my very last hope of survival. The
priest explained to me that these were trials sent by God and that, in the
situation I was in, not only was I not offending God, but I was most pleasing
to Him. "This is a sign," he told me, "that God loves you very
much and that He has great confidence in you, since He is sending you such
trials." But these words brought me no comfort; it seemed to me that
they did not apply to me at all.
One thing did surprise me: it often happened
that, at the time when I was suffering greatly, these terrible torments would
disappear suddenly just as I was approaching the confessional; but as soon as
I had left the confessional, all these torments would again seize me with
even greater ferocity. I would then fall on my face before the Blessed
Sacrament repeating these words: "Even if You kill me, still will I
trust in You!" [cf. Job 13:15] It seemed to me that I would die in these
agonies. But the most terrible thought for me was the conviction that I had
been rejected by God. Then other thoughts came to me: why strive to acquire
virtues and do good works? why mortify and annihilate yourself? what good is
it to take vows? to pray? to sacrifice and immolate yourself? why sacrifice
myself all the time? what good is it - if I am already rejected by God? why
all these efforts? And here, God alone knew what was going on in my heart.
93 +A Short Version of the Catechism of the
Vows[39]
Q. What is a vow?
A. A vow is a voluntary promise made to God,
to carry out a more perfect act.
Q. Is a vow binding in a matter which is the
object of a commandment?
A. Yes. The carrying out of an act which is
the object of a commandment has a double value and merit; and the neglect of
such an act is a double transgression and evil, because by breaking such a
vow we add to the sin against the commandment, the sin of sacrilege.
Q. Why do religious vows have such value?
A. Because they are the foundation of the
religious life approved by the Church, in which the members bound together in
a religious community undertake to strive always for perfection by means of
the three religious vows of poverty, chastity and obedience, observed
according to the rules.
Q. What is the meaning of the words, "strive
for perfection?"
A. To strive for perfection means that the
religious life does not in itself demand that perfection be already attained,
but obliges, under the pain of sin, that we work daily to attain it.
Therefore, a religious who does not want to become perfect neglects his
principal duty of state.
Q. What are "solemn" religious
vows?
A. " Solemn" religious vows are so
absolute that, in extraordinary cases, only the Holy Father can dispense from
them.
Q. What are simple religious vows?
A. These are vows which are less absolute -
the Holy See dispenses from perpetual and annual vows.
Q. What is the difference between a vow and a
virtue?
A. A vow pertains only to that which is
commanded under pain of sin; the virtue goes beyond this and helps in the
carrying out of the vow; on the other hand, by breaking the vow we fail in
the virtue and do it damage.
Q. To what do the religious vows oblige us?
A. The religious vows oblige us to strive to
acquire the virtues and to submit ourselves completely to our Superiors and
to the Rules which are in force; thus the religious gives his own person to
the Community, renouncing every right over himself and his actions, which he
sacrifices to the service of God.
The Vow of Poverty
The vow of poverty is the voluntary
renunciation of the right over property or to the use of such property with
the purpose of pleasing God.
Q. What objects does the vow of poverty
concern?
A. All those goods and those objects which
appertain to the Community. We have no longer any right over anything that
has been given to us, once it has been accepted, whether an article or money.
All these donations and presents, which may have been given us out of
gratitude or in any other way, belong by right to the Community. We cannot
make use, without violating the vow, of any wages we may receive for work or
even any annuity.
Q. When do we break or violate the vow in a
matter which entails the seventh commandment?
A. We break or violate it when, without
permission, we take for ourselves anything that belongs to the house; when,
without permission, we retain something in order to appropriate it; and when,
without authorization, we sell or exchange something that belongs to the
Community. When we make use of an object for some other purpose than that
intended by the Superior. When we give to, or accept from another, anything
whatsoever without permission. When by negligence we destroy or damage
something. When, in going from one house to another, we take something with
us without permission. In a situation where the vow is broken, the religious
is bound to restitution to the Community.
The Virtue of Poverty
This is an evangelical virtue which impels
the heart to detach itself from temporal things; the religious, in virtue of
his profession, is strictly obliged to it.
Q. When do we sin against the virtue of
poverty? When we desire something, contrary to this virtue. When we become
attached to something, and when we make use of superfluous things. How many
degrees of poverty are there and what are they?
A. There are, in practice, four degrees of
poverty for one who is a professed religious: to dispose of nothing without
the consent of the Superiors (the strict matter of the vow); to avoid
superfluities and be content with necessities (this pertains to the virtue);
to readily content oneself with things of inferior quality in what concerns
one's cell, clothing, nourishment, etc., and to experience this contentment
interiorly; to rejoice in extreme poverty.
The Vow of Chastity
Q. To what does this vow oblige us?
A. To renounce marriage and to avoid
everything that is forbidden by the sixth and ninth commandments.
Q. Is a fault against the virtue a violation
of the vow?
A. Every fault against the virtue is at the
same time a violation of the vow, because here there is no difference, as in
the case of poverty and obedience, between the vow and the virtue.
Q. Is every bad thought a sin?
A. No, every bad thought is not a sin; it
becomes so only when the acquiescence of the will and consent are joined to
the consideration of the mind.
Q. Is there anything, over and above sins
against chastity, which is detrimental to the virtue?
A. Lack of custody of the senses, of the
imagination, of the feelings; familiarity and sentimental friendships are
detrimental to the virtue.
Q. What are the means by which this virtue
may be preserved?
A. To conquer interior temptations with the
thought of the presence of God, and moreover to fight without fear. And for
exterior temptations, to avoid occasions. There are, in all, seven principal
means: to guard the senses, to avoid occasions, to avoid idleness, to remove
temptations promptly, to remove oneself from all - and especially particular
friendships, the spirit of mortification, and to reveal all these temptations
to one's confessor.
Besides this, there are also five means of
preserving this virtue: humility, the spirit of prayer, modesty of the eyes,
fidelity to the rule, a sincere devotion to the Blessed Virgin Mary.
The Vow of Obedience
The vow of obedience is superior to the first
two. It is, to tell the truth, a holocaust, and it is more necessary because
it forms and animates the monastic body.
Q. To what does the vow of obedience oblige
us?
A. By the vow of obedience, the religious
promises to God to be obedient to his legitimate superiors in everything that
they will ordain in virtue of the rule. The vow of obedience makes the
religious dependent on his superior in virtue of these rules for his whole
life and in all his affairs. A religious commits a grave sin against the vow
every time he disobeys an order given in virtue of obedience and of these
rules.
The Virtue of Obedience
The virtue of obedience goes further than the
vow; it embraces the rules, the regulations and even the counsels of the
superiors.
Q. Is the virtue of obedience indispensable
for a religious?
A. The virtue of obedience is so
indispensable to a religious that, even if he were to perform good actions
contrary to obedience, these would be evil and without merit.
Q. Can we sin gravely against the virtue of
obedience?
A. We sin gravely when we scorn the authority
or the order of the superior, or when spiritual or temporal harm to the
community results from our disobedience.
Q. What faults endanger the vow?
A. To be prejudiced against the superior, or
to harbor an antipathy for him - murmuring and criticism, tardiness and
negligence.
The Degrees of Obedience
Prompt and complete fulfillment - the
obedience of the will, when the will persuades the intellect to submit to the
advice of the superior. To facilitate obedience, Saint Ignatius suggests,
moreover, three means: always to see God in our superior, whoever he might
be; to justify in itself the order or advice of the superior; to accept each
order as an order from God, without examining it or reflecting on it. General
means: humility. Nothing is difficult for the humble.
96 +Trials sent by God to a soul
which is particularly loved by Him.
Temptations and darkness; Satan. The soul's love [for God] is still not such as God would have it. The soul suddenly loses the tangible perception of God's presence. Various defects and imperfections rise up within it, and it must fight them furiously. All her faults lift up their heads, but the soul's vigilance is great. The former awareness of the presence of God gives place to coldness and spiritual dryness; the soul has no taste for spiritual exercises; it cannot pray, either in the old way, or in the manner in which it had just begun to pray. It struggles this way and that, but can find no satisfaction. God has hidden himself from it, and it can find no consolation in creatures, nor can any of these creatures find a way of consoling it. The soul craves passionately for God, but sees its own misery; it begins to sense God's justice; it seems to it that it has lost all the gifts that God had given it; its mind is dimmed, and darkness fills it; unspeakable torment begins. The soul tries to explain its state to the confessor, but it is not understood and is assailed by an even greater unrest. Satan begins his work.
97 Faith staggers under the
impact; the struggle is fierce. The soul tries hard to cling to God by an act
of will. With God's permission, Satan goes even further: hope and love are
put to the test. These temptations are terrible. God supports the soul in
secret, so to speak. The soul is not aware of this, but otherwise it would be
impossible to stand firm; and God knows very well how much He can allow to
befall a soul. The soul is tempted to unbelief in respect to revealed truths
and to insincerity toward the confessor. Satan says to it, "Look, no one
understands you; why speak about all this?" Words that terrify it sound
in its ears, and it seems to the soul that it is uttering these against God.
It sees what it does not want to see. It hears what it does not want to hear.
And, oh, it is a terrible thing at times like these not to have an
experienced confessor! The soul carries the whole burden alone. However, one
should make every effort to find, if it is at all possible, a well-informed confessor,
for the soul can collapse under the burden and come to the very edge of the
precipice. All these trials are heavy and difficult. God does not send them
to a soul which has not already been admitted to a deeper intimacy with Him
and which has not yet tasted the divine delights. Besides, in this God has
His own plans, which for us are impenetrable. God often prepares a soul in
this way for His future designs and great works. He wants to try it as pure
gold is tried. But this is not yet the end of the testing; there is still the
trial of trials, the complete abandonment of the soul by God.
+ The Trial of Trials, Complete
Abandonment - Despair
98 When the soul comes out victorious from the preceding trials, even though it may stumble here and there, it fights on valiantly, humbly calling upon God, "Save me, I am perishing!" And it is still able to fight on. At this point, however, the soul is engulfed in a horrible night. It sees within itself only sin. It feels terrible. It sees itself completely abandoned by God. It feels itself to be the object of His hatred. It is but one step away from despair. The soul does its best to defend itself; it tries to stir up its confidence; but prayer is an even greater torment for it, as this prayer seems to arouse God to an even greater anger. The soul finds itself poised on the summit of a lofty mountain on the very brink of a precipice. The soul is drawn to God, but feels repulsed. All other sufferings and tortures in the world are as nothing compared with this sensation into which it has been plunged; namely, that of being rejected by God. No one can bring it any relief; it finds itself completely alone; there is no one to defend it. It raises its eyes to heaven, but is convinced that this is not for her-for her all is lost. It falls deeper and deeper from darkness to darkness, and it seems to it that it has lost forever the God it used to love so dearly. This thought is torture beyond all description. But the soul does not agree to it and tries to lift its gaze toward heaven, but in vain! And this makes the torture even more intense. If God wishes to keep the soul in such darkness, no one will be able to give it light. It experiences rejection by God in a vivid and terrifying manner. From its heart burst forth painful moans, so painful that no priest will comprehend it, unless he himself has been through these trials. In the midst of this, the evil spirit adds to the soul's suffering, mocking it: "Will you persist in your faithfulness? This is your reward; you are in our power!" But Satan has only as much influence over the soul as God allows him, and God knows how much we can bear. "What have you gotten out of your mortifications," says Satan, "and out of your fidelity to the rule? What use are all these efforts? You have been rejected by God!" This word, rejected, becomes a fire which penetrates every nerve to the marrow of the bone. It pierces right through her entire being. The ordeal reaches its climax. The soul no longer looks for help anywhere. It shrinks into itself and loses sight of everything; it is as though it has accepted the torture of being abandoned. This is a moment for which I have no words. This is the agony of the soul.
101 Jesus, You alone know how the soul,
engulfed in darkness, moans in the midst of these torments and, despite all
this, thirsts for God as burning lips thirst for water. It dies and withers;
it dies a death without death; that is to say, it cannot die. All its efforts
come to nothing; it is under a powerful hand. Now the soul comes under the
power of the Just One. All exterior temptations cease; all that surrounds it
becomes silent, like a dying person who loses contact with everything around
it: the person's entire soul is in the hand of the Just God, the Thrice-Holy
God,-rejected for all eternity! This is the culminating moment, and God alone
can test a soul in this way, because He alone knows what the soul can endure.
When the soul has been saturated through and
through by this infernal fire, it is, as it were, cast headlong into great
despair. My soul experienced this moment when I was all alone in my cell.
When my soul began to sink into this despair, I felt that the end was near.
But I seized my little crucifix and clutched it tightly in my hand. And now I
felt my body separate itself from my soul; and though I wanted to go to my
Superiors, I no longer had the physical strength. I uttered my last words:
"I trust in Your Mercy!"-and it seemed to me that I provoked God to
an even greater anger. And now I was drowned in despair, and all that was
left me was a moan of unadulterated pain which, from time to time, tore
itself from my soul. The soul is in agony-and it seemed to me that I would
remain in this state, because by my own strength I could not emerge from it.
Every recollection of God opened up an unspeakable ocean of suffering, and
yet despite this there is something within the soul which is drawn to Him,
though it seems to her for this only-that she suffer more. The memory of the
love with which God formerly surrounded it is still another kind of
suffering. His gaze pierces it, and everything within the soul is burned by
this gaze.
147 I recall that I have received most light
during adoration which I made lying prostrate before the Blessed Sacrament
for half an hour every day throughout Lent. During that time I came to know
myself and God more profoundly. And yet, even though I had the superiors'
permission to do so, I encountered many obstacles to praying in such a way.
Let the soul be aware that, in order to pray and persevere in prayer, one
must arm oneself with patience and cope bravely with exterior and interior
difficulties. The interior difficulties are discouragement, dryness,
heaviness of spirit and temptations. The exterior difficulties are human
respect and time; one must observe the time set apart for prayer. This has
been my personal experience because, when I did not pray at the time assigned
for prayer, later on I could not do it because of my duties; or if I did
manage to do so, this was only with great difficulty, because my thoughts
kept wandering off to my duties. I also experienced this difficulty: when a
soul has prayed well and left prayer in a state of profound interior
recollection, others resist its recollection; and so, the soul must be
patient to persevere in prayer. It often happened to me that when my soul was
more deeply immersed in God, and I had derived greater fruit from prayer, and
God's presence accompanied me during the day, and at work there was more
recollection and greater precision and effort at my duty, this was precisely
when I received the most rebukes for being negligent in my duty and
indifferent to everything; because less recollected souls want others to be
like them, for they are a constant [source of] remorse to them.
173 Satan's temptations during meditation. I
felt a strange fear that the priest would not understand me, or that he would
have no time to hear everything I would have to say. How am I going to tell
him all this? If it were Father Bukowski I could do it more easily, but this
Jesuit whom I am seeing for the first time... Then I remembered Father
Bukowski's advice that I should at least take brief notes of the lights sent
to me by God during the retreats and give him at least a brief report on
them. My God, for a day and a half all has gone well, and now a life and
death struggle is beginning. The conference is to start in a half hour, and
then I am to go to confession. Satan tried to persuade me into believing that
if my superiors have told me that my inner life is an illusion, why should I
ask again and trouble the confessor? Didn't MX [probably Mother Jane] tell
you that the Lord Jesus does not commune with souls as miserable as yours?
This confessor is going to tell you the same thing. Why speak to him about
all this? These are not sins, and Mother X, told you that all this communing
with the Lord Jesus was daydreaming and pure hysteria. So why tell it to this
confessor? You would do better to dismiss all this as illusions. Look how
many humiliations you have suffered because of them, and how many more are
still awaiting you, and all the sisters know that you are a hysteric.
"Jesus!" I called out with all the strength of my soul.
174 At that moment the priest came in and
began the conference. He spoke for a short time, as if he were in a hurry.
After the conference, he went over to the confessional. Seeing that none of
the sisters were going there, I sprang from my kneeler, and in an instant was
in the confessional. There was no time to deliberate. Instead of telling the
father about the doubts that had been sown in me in respect to my dealings
with the Lord Jesus, I began to speak about these temptations I have just
described above. The confessor immediately understood my situation and said,
"Sister, you distrust the Lord Jesus because He treats you so kindly.
Well, Sister, be completely at peace. Jesus is your Master, and your
communing with Him is neither daydreaming nor hysteria nor illusion. Know
that you are on the right path. Please try to be faithful to these graces;
you are not free to shun them. You do not need at all, Sister, to tell your
superiors about these interior graces, unless the Lord Jesus instructs you
clearly to do so, and even then you should first consult with your confessor.
But if the Lord Jesus demands something external, in this case, after
consulting your confessor, you should carry out what He asks of you, even if
this costs you greatly. On the other hand, you must tell your confessor
everything. There is absolutely no other course for you to take, Sister. Pray
that you may find a spiritual director, or else you will waste these great
gifts of God. I repeat once again, be at peace; you are following the right
path. Take no heed of anything else, but always be faithful to the Lord
Jesus, no matter what anyone says about you. It is with just such miserable
souls that the Lord Jesus communes in this intimate way. And the more you
humble yourself, the more the Lord Jesus will unite Himself with you."
175 176 177
192 Once, I took upon myself a terrible
temptation which one of our students in the house at Warsaw was going
through. It was the temptation of suicide. For seven days I suffered; and
after the seven days Jesus granted her the grace which was being asked, and
then my suffering also ceased. It was a great suffering. I often take upon
myself the torments of our students. Jesus permits me to do this, and so do
my confessors.
343 True love is measured by the thermometer
of suffering. Jesus, I thank You for the little daily crosses, for opposition
to my endeavors, for the hardships of communal life, for the
misinterpretation of my intentions, for humiliations at the hands of others,
for the harsh way in which we are treated, for false suspicions, for poor
health and loss of strength, for self- denial, for dying to myself, for lack
of recognition in everything, for the upsetting of all my plans.
Thank You, Jesus, for interior sufferings,
for dryness of spirit, for terrors, fears and incertitudes, for the darkness
and the deep interior night, for temptations and various ordeals, for
torments too difficult to describe, especially for those which no one will
understand, for the hour of death with its fierce struggle and all its
bitterness.
I thank You, Jesus, You who first drank the
cup of bitterness before You gave it to me, in a much milder form. I put my
lips to this cup of Your holy will. Let all be done according to
Your good pleasure; let that which Your
wisdom ordained before the ages be done to me. I want to drink the cup to its
last drop, and not seek to know the reason why. In bitterness is my joy, in
hopelessness is my trust. In You, O Lord, all is good, all is a gift of Your
paternal Heart. I do not prefer consolations over bitterness or bitterness
over consolations, but thank You, O Jesus, for everything! It is my delight
to fix my gaze upon You, O incomprehensible God! My spirit abides in these
mysterious dwelling places, and there I am at home. I know very well the
dwelling place of my Spouse. I feel there is not a single drop of blood in me
that does not burn with love for You.
O Uncreated Beauty, whoever comes to know You
once cannot love anything else. I can feel the bottomless abyss of my soul,
and nothing will fill it but God himself. I feel that I am drowned in Him
like a single grain of sand in a bottomless ocean.
May, 1935. A Certain Moment.
429 When I became aware of God's great plans
for me, I was frightened at their greatness and felt myself quite incapable
of fulfilling them, and I began to avoid interior conversations with Him,
filling up the time with vocal prayer. I did this out of humility, but I soon
recognized it was not true humility, but rather a great temptation from the
devil. When, on one occasion, instead of interior prayer, I took up a book of
spiritual reading, I heard these words spoken distinctly and forcefully
within my soul, You will prepare the
world for My final coming. These words moved me deeply, and although I
pretended not to hear them, 1 understood them very well and had no doubt
about them. Once, being tired out from this battle of love with God, and
making constant excuses on the grounds that I was unable to carry out this
task, I wanted to leave the chapel, but some force held me back and I found
myself powerless. Then I heard these words, You intend to leave the chapel, but you shall not get away from Me,
for I am everywhere. You cannot do anything of yourself, but with me you can
do all things.
872 January 7. During the Holy Hour, the Lord
allowed me to taste His Passion. I shared in the bitterness of the suffering
that filled His soul to overflowing. Jesus gave me to understand how a soul
should be faithful to prayer despite torments, dryness and temptations;
because oftentimes the realization of God's great plans depends mainly on
such prayer. If we do not persevere in such prayer, we frustrate what the
Lord wanted to do through us or within us. Let every soul remember these
words: "And being in anguish, He prayed longer." I always prolong
such prayer as much as is in my power and in conformity with my duty.
1031 March 22, 1937. As I was talking, today,
to a certain person, I recognized that she was suffering greatly in spirit,
although exteriorly she pretended that she was very happy and was not
suffering at all. I felt inspired to tell her that what was troubling her was
a temptation. When I disclosed to her what was torturing her, she burst into
tears and told me that she had come to see me precisely to speak to me,
because she felt that it would bring her relief. The suffering was of such a
kind that the soul was being attracted by God's grace on the one hand and by
the world on the other. She was going through a terrible struggle that
brought her to the point of weeping like a little child. But she went away
soothed and set at peace.
1086 Although the temptations are strong, a
whole wave of doubts beats against my soul, and discouragement stands by,
ready to enter into the act, the Lord, however, strengthens my will, against
which all the attempts of the enemy are shattered as if against a rock. I see
how many actual graces God grants me; these support me ceaselessly. I am very
weak, and I attribute everything solely to the grace of God.
1488 Conversation of the Merciful God with a
Soul Striving after Perfection.
Jesus:
I am pleased with your efforts, O soul aspiring for perfection, but why do I
see you so often sad and depressed? Tell Me, My child, what is the meaning of
this sadness, and what is its cause?
Soul: Lord, the reason for my sadness is
that, in spite of my sincere resolutions, I fall again into the same faults.
I make resolutions in the morning, but in the evening I see how much I have
departed from them.
Jesus:
You see, My child, what you are of yourself. The cause of your falls is that
you rely too much upon yourself and too little on Me. But let this not sadden
you so much. You are dealing with the God of mercy, which your misery cannot
exhaust. Remember, I did not allot only a certain number of pardons.
Soul: Yes, I know all that, but great
temptations assail me, and various doubts awaken within me and, moreover,
everything irritates and discourages me.
Jesus:
My child, know that the greatest obstacles to holiness are discouragement and
an exaggerated anxiety. These will deprive you of the ability to practice
virtue. All temptations united together ought not disturb your interior
peace, not even momentarily. Sensitiveness and discouragement are the fruits
of self-love. You should not become discouraged, but strive to make My love
reign in place of your self-love. Have confidence, My child. Do not lose
heart in coming for pardon, for I am always ready to forgive you. As often as
you beg for it, you glorify My mercy.
Soul: I understand what is the better thing
to do, what pleases You more, but I encounter great obstacles in acting on this
understanding.
Jesus:
My child, life on earth is a struggle indeed; a great struggle for My
kingdom.
But
fear not, because you are not alone. I am always supporting you, so lean on
Me as you struggle, fearing nothing. Take the vessel of trust and draw from
the fountain of life-for yourself, but also for other souls, especially such
as are distrustful of My goodness.
Soul: O Lord, I feel my heart being filled
with Your love and the rays of Your mercy and love piercing my soul. I go,
Lord, at Your command. I go to conquer souls. Sustained by Your grace, I am
ready to follow You, Lord, not only to Tabor, but also to Calvary. I desire
to lead souls to the fount of Your mercy so that the splendor of Your mercy
may be reflected in all souls, and the home of our Father be filled to
overflowing. And when the enemy begins to attack me, I shall take refuge
behind the shield of Your mercy.
1558 February 2, [1938]. Darkness of the
soul. Today is the Feast of the Mother of God, and in my soul it is so dark.
The Lord has hidden Himself, and I am alone, all alone. My mind has become so
dimmed that I see only phantasies about me. Not a single ray of light
penetrates my soul. I do not understand myself or those who speak to me.
Frightful temptations regarding the holy faith assail me. O my Jesus, save
me. I cannot say anything more. I cannot describe these things in detail, for
I fear lest someone be scandalized on reading this. I am astounded that such
torments could befall a soul. O hurricane, what are you doing to the boat of
my heart? This storm has lasted the whole day and night.
When Mother Superior [Irene] came in to see
me and asked, "Would you like to take advantage of this occasion,
Sister, since Father An. [Andrasz] is coming to hear confessions?" I
answered, no. It seemed to me that Father would not understand me, nor would
I be able to make a confession.
I spent the whole night with Jesus in
Gethsemane. From my breast there escaped one continuous moan. A natural dying
will be much easier, because then one is in agony and will die; while here,
one is in agony, but cannot die. O Jesus, I never thought such suffering
could exist. Nothingness: that is the reality. O Jesus, save me! I believe in
You with all my heart. So many times have I seen the radiance of Your face,
and now, where are You, Lord?... I believe, I believe, and again I believe in
You, Triune God, Father, Son and Holy
Spirit, and in all the truths which Your holy
Church gives me to believe... But the darkness does not recede, and my spirit
plunges into even greater agony. And at that moment, such terrible torment
overwhelmed me that now I am amazed at myself that I did not breathe my last,
but this was for only a brief instant.
1560 February 3, [1938]. Today after Holy
Communion, Jesus again gave me a few directives: First, do not fight against a temptation by yourself, but disclose it
to the confessor at once, and then the temptation will lose all its force.
Second, during these ordeals do not lose your peace; live in My presence; ask
My Mother and the Saints for help. Third, have the certitude that I am
looking at you and supporting you. Fourth, do not fear either struggles of
the soul or any temptations, because I am supporting you; if only you are
willing to fight, know that the victory is always on your side. Fifth, know
that by fighting bravely you give Me great glory and amass merits for
yourself. Temptation gives you a chance to show Me your fidelity.
1580 My
Jesus, I now see that I have gone through all the stages of my life following
You: childhood, youth, vocation, apostolic work, Tabor, Gethsemane, and now I
am already with You on Calvary. I have willingly allowed myself to be
crucified, and I am indeed already crucified; although I can still walk a
little, I am stretched out on the cross, and I feel distinctly that strength
is flowing to me from Your Cross, that You and You alone are my perseverance.
Although I often hear the voice of temptation calling to me, "Come down
from the cross!" the power of God strengthens me. Although loneliness
and darkness and sufferings of all kinds beat against my heart, the
mysterious power of God supports and strengthens me. I want to drink the cup
to the last drop. I trust firmly that Your grace, which has sustained me in
the Garden of Olives, will sustain me also now that I am on Calvary.
1704 + Struggle with a certain temptation.
There was a person who kept accosting me with flattering words, and since he
knew when I went out to go to the chapel or to the veranda, he would bar my
way. Since he did not dare approach me by himself, he found another person
like himself, but neither of them dared approach. As I was on my way to the
May devotions, they were already standing there where I had to pass. I hadn't
yet reached them when I heard enticing words, directed at me. And the Lord
permitted me to know the intentions of their hearts, which were not good. I
felt they would block my way after the service, and then I would have to talk
to them, for up to that time I hadn't said a word.
When I left the chapel, they were there,
armed and waiting for me to pass. This time, I was overcome with fear. Then
Jesus stood by me and said, Do not
fear. I am with you. Then I felt an extraordinary strength in my soul,
which I cannot describe and, being a few steps from them, I said boldly and
loudly, "Praised be Jesus Christ." And they, stepping aside,
responded, "For ever and ever. Amen." As if struck by lightning,
they bowed their heads, not even daring to look at me. After I had passed, I
could hear some malicious comments. Ever since that time, when this person
sees me, he runs away in order not to meet me and I, thanks to the Lord, have
been left in peace...
1715 A strong temptation. The Lord gave me to
know how pleasing a pure heart is to Him, and thereby I was given a deeper
knowledge of my own misery. When I began to prepare for confession, strong
temptations against confessors assaulted me. I did not see Satan, but I could
sense him, his terrible anger. - "Yes, he's an ordinary man." -
"Not ordinary, because he has the power of God." - Yes, it is not
difficult for me to accuse myself of my sins. But to uncover the most secret
depths of my heart, to give an account of the action of God's grace, to speak
about God's every demand, about all that goes on between God and myself... to
tell that to a man is beyond my strength. I felt I was fighting against the
powers and I cried out: "O Christ, You and the priest are one; I will
approach confession as if I were approaching, not a man, but You." When
I entered the confessional, I began by disclosing my difficulties. The priest
replied that the best thing I could have done was to disclose these
temptations from the outset. However, after the confession, they took flight,
and my soul is enjoying peace.
1736 Once, when I was on the veranda, I saw
that a certain person was being troubled by strong temptations concerning
Holy Confession, doubting its secrecy. Although I knew the condition of that
soul, I myself did not start the conversation. When we were alone, she opened
her heart to me and told me everything. After talking for a short while, she
said to me, "I am at peace now; my soul has received much light."
Conference on Spiritual Warfare.
1760 My daughter, I want to teach you about
spiritual warfare. Never trust in yourself, but abandon yourself totally to
My will. In desolation, darkness and various doubts, have recourse to Me and
to your spiritual director. He will always answer you in My name. Do not
bargain with any temptation; lock yourself immediately in My Heart and, at the
first opportunity, reveal the temptation to the confessor. Put your self-love
in the last place, so that it does not taint your deeds. Bear with yourself
with great patience. Do not neglect interior mortifications. Always justify
to yourself the opinions of your superiors and of your confessor. Shun
murmurers like a plague. Let all act as they like; you are to act as I want
you to.
Observe the rule as faithfully as you can. If
someone causes you trouble, think what good you can do for the person who
caused you to suffer. Do not pour out your feelings. Be silent when you are
rebuked. Do not ask everyone's opinion, but only the opinion of your
confessor; be as frank and simple as a child with him. Do not become
discouraged by ingratitude. Do not examine with curiosity the roads down which I lead you. When boredom and
discouragement beat against your heart, run away from yourself and hide in My
heart. Do not fear struggle; courage itself often intimidates temptations,
and they dare not attack us.
Always fight with the deep conviction that I
am with you. Do not be guided by feeling, because it is not always under your
control; but all merit lies in the will. Always depend upon your superiors,
even in the smallest things. I will not delude you with prospects of peace
and consolations; on the contrary, prepare for great battles. Know that you
are now on a great stage where all heaven and earth are watching you. Fight
like a knight, so that I can reward you. Do not be unduly fearful, because
you are not alone.
1823 12. + Today, my soul is preparing for
the coming of my Savior, who is goodness and love itself. Temptations and
distractions torment me and do not let me prepare for the coming of the Lord.
Therefore I desire even more ardently to receive You, Lord, because I know
that when You come, You will rescue me from these torments. And if it is Your
will that I should suffer, well then, fortify me for the struggle.
Jesus, Savior, who have deigned to come into
my heart, drive away these distractions which are keeping me from talking to
You.
Jesus answered me, I want you to become like
a knight experienced in battle, who can give orders to others amid the
exploding shells. In the same way, My child, you should know how to master
yourself amid the greatest difficulties, and let nothing drive you away from
Me, not even your falls.
Today, I have been struggling all day long
with a certain difficulty about which You, Jesus, know...
(Diary
of Sister Faustina Kowalska Notebook-I-18, 40, 77, 93, 96-98, 101, 147, 173)
(Diary
of Sister Faustina Kowalska Notebook-I-174, 192, 343, 429)
(Diary
of Sister Faustina Kowalska Notebook-II-872)
(Diary
of Sister Faustina Kowalska Notebook-III-1031, 1086)
(Diary
of Sister Faustina Kowalska Notebook-V-1488, 1558, 1560, 1580)
(Diary
of Sister Faustina Kowalska Notebook-IV-1704, 1715, 1760)
(Preperation
for Holy Communion: 1823)
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