Heeding or Silencing the Conscience
Memorial of Saint John
Mary Vianney, priest
Matthew 14: 1-12
Herod the tetrarch
heard of the reputation of Jesus and said to his servants, "This man is
John the Baptist. He has been raised from the dead; that is why mighty powers
are at work in him." Now Herod had arrested John, bound him, and put him
in prison on account of Herodias, the wife of his brother Philip, for John had
said to him, "It is not lawful for you to have her." Although he
wanted to kill him, he feared the people, for they regarded him as a prophet.
But at a birthday celebration for Herod, the daughter of Herodias performed a
dance before the guests and delighted Herod so much that he swore to give her
whatever she might ask for. Prompted by her mother, she said, "Give me
here on a platter the head of John the Baptist." The king was distressed,
but because of his oaths and the guests who were present, he ordered that it be
given, and he had John beheaded in the prison. His head was brought in on a platter
and given to the girl, who took it to her mother. His disciples came and took
away the corpse and buried him; and they went and told Jesus.
Introductory Prayer: Lord, I believe You are looking for me. You
stand ready to come to me in this moment of prayer. You want to help me see Your
love and where I can grow to be more like You. Thank You for Your patience and
goodness with me. I want to give myself totally to You.
Petition: Lord, help me to hear Your voice more clearly
today.
1. A Disturbing Voice:
John the Baptist had
been sent to prepare the way for Christ. He was a witness to the holiness of
God. He tried to awaken the sense of sin and the need for repentance. He spoke
clearly and was afraid of no one. Sometimes the voice of God in my conscience
can be bothersome, like John’s voice was to Herod. Yet a clear reminder of what
is right and wrong is an act of mercy from God. He is giving us a chance to
awaken from our lethargy and realize that our immortal souls are at stake. I
should thank God when my conscience reminds me of things I need to change in my
life.
2. What’s Wrong With a
Little Entertainment? There
is nothing wrong with having celebrations in our life and moments of joy and
relaxation. A Christian’s life is rich in moments of happiness. But, as was the
case in Herod’s birthday party, there exists the danger of looking for
entertainment and relaxation in activities or pastimes which can simply
manipulate our passions, weaken our morals, and deeply offend God. If we are
unable to choose our entertainment wisely we can end up throwing away the
richness of our spiritual inheritance for cheap thrills. Herod ends up as a
murderer rather than a good king. His unchecked passions of sensuality and
human respect make him use his power to destroy rather than protect. I must
remember that even in the moments of relaxation I have the responsibility to
protect and foster my Christian identity. I should look for healthy pastimes
where I can share the joy of Christian living with my friends and family.
3. The Proverbial
Second Chance: When Herod hears of
Jesus, his conscience pricks him. He knew he had killed a man of God. Somewhere
in his heart he knew that God would have the last word. The presence of Christ
is an additional grace that the Father offers Herod so that he may be
converted. Unfortunately it is a grace that Herod will not take advantage of,
just as he did not take advantage of the presence of John the Baptist. In my
own life, how many times does the Father have to remind me of my call to holiness?
Do I realize how much mercy the Lord has already shown me? What is it that I am
still withholding from him? Today I will seek a deep conversion of heart in
that area where I know I have still been withholding myself from God.
Conversation with Christ:
Lord, thank you for
enlightening my conscience with your Gospel. Help me to see where I have become
deaf or insensitive to the call of your teachings. I want your grace to triumph
in my life. Help me to be brave to change what offends you and to live a life
of Christian authenticity.
Resolution: I will receive the sacrament of reconciliation
today and also invite someone else to receive it.
Excerpts from the DIARY of Saint Faustina
Kowalska
39
+ One day Jesus told me that He would cause a chastisement to fall upon the
most beautiful city in our country [probably Warsaw]. This chastisement would
be that with which God had punished Sodom and Gomorrah.[27]
I saw the great wrath of God and a shudder pierced my heart. I prayed in
silence.After a moment, Jesus said to me, My child, unite yourself closely
to Me during the Sacrifice and offer My Blood and My Wounds to My Father in
expiation for the sins of that city. Repeat this without interruption
throughout the entire Holy Mass. Do this for seven days. On the seventh day
I saw Jesus in a bright cloud and began to beg Him to look upon the city and
upon our whole country. Jesus looked [down] graciously. When I saw the kindness
of' Jesus, I began to beg His blessing. Immediately Jesus said, For your
sake I bless the entire country. And He made a big sign of the cross over
our country. Seeing the goodness of God, a great joy filled my soul.
+February
22, 1931
47
In the evening, when I was in my cell, I saw the Lord Jesus clothed in a white
garment. One hand [was] raised in the gesture of blessing, the other was
touching the garment at the breast. From beneath the garment, slightly drawn
aside at the breast, there were emanating two large rays, one red, the other
pale. In silence I kept my gaze fixed on the Lord; my soul was struck with awe,
but also with great joy. After a while, Jesus said to me, Paint an image
according to the pattern you see, with the signature: Jesus, I trust in You. I
desire that this image be venerated, first in your chapel, and [then]
throughout the world.
48
I promise that the soul that will venerate this image will not perish. I
also promise victory over [its] enemies already here on earth, especially at
the hour of death. I Myself will defend it as My own glory.
70
Only Jesus knows how burdensome and difficult it is to accomplish one's duties
when the soul is so interiorly tortured, the physical powers so weakened and
the mind darkened. In the silence of my heart I kept saying to myself, "O
Christ, may delights, honor and glory be Yours, and suffering be mine. I will
not lag one step behind as I follow You, though thorns wound my feet."
71
I was sent for treatment to our house in Plock, and there I had the privilege
of decorating the chapel with flowers. That was at Biala.[36]
Sister Thecla did not always have time for this, so I often decorated the
chapel by myself. One day, I had picked the prettiest roses to decorate the
room of a certain person. When I was approaching the porch, I saw Jesus
standing there. In a kindly way He asked me, My daughter, to whom are you
taking these flowers? My silence was my reply to the Lord, because I
recognized immediately that I had a very subtle attachment to this person,[37]
which I had not noticed before. Suddenly Jesus disappeared. At the same moment
I threw the flowers on the ground and went before the Blessed Sacrament, my
heart filled with gratitude for the grace of knowing myself.
O Divine Sun, in Your rays the soul sees the tiniest specks of dust which displease You.
O Divine Sun, in Your rays the soul sees the tiniest specks of dust which displease You.
72
O Jesus, eternal Truth, our Life, I call upon You and I beg Your mercy for poor
sinners. O sweetest Heart of my Lord, full of pity and unfathomable mercy, I
plead with You for poor sinners. O Most Sacred Heart, Fount of Mercy from which
gush forth rays of inconceivable graces upon the entire human race, I beg of
You light for poor sinners. O Jesus, be mindful of Your own bitter Passion and
do not permit the loss of souls redeemed at so dear a price of Your most
precious Blood. O Jesus, when I consider the great price of Your Blood, I
rejoice at its immensity, for one drop alone would have been enough for the
salvation of all sinners. Although sin is an abyss of wickedness and
ingratitude, the price paid for us can never be equalled. Therefore, let every
soul trust in the Passion of the Lord, and place its hope in His mercy. God
will not deny His mercy to anyone. Heaven and earth may change, but God's mercy
will never be exhausted. Oh, what immense joy burns in my heart when I
contemplate Your incomprehensible goodness, O Jesus! I desire to bring all
sinners to Your feet that they may glorify Your mercy throughout endless ages.
73
O my Jesus, despite the deep night that is all around me and the dark clouds
which hide the horizon, I know that the sun never goes out. O Lord, though I
cannot comprehend You and do not understand Your ways, I nonetheless trust in
Your mercy. If it is Your will, Lord, that I live always in such darkness, may
You be blessed. I ask You only one thing, Jesus: do not allow me to offend You
in any way. O my Jesus, You alone know the longings and the sufferings of my
heart. I am glad I can suffer for You, however little. When I feel that the
suffering is more than I can bear, I take refuge in the Lord in the Blessed
Sacrament, and I speak to Him with profound silence.
117
I will mention here that those who live with such a person should not add
external sufferings; for indeed, when the soul's cup is full, the little drop
we may add to it may be the one drop too much, and the cup of bitterness will
overflow. And who will answer for such a soul? Let us beware of adding to the
suffering of others, because that is displeasing to the Lord. If the sisters or
the superiors knew or even suspected that a soul was suffering such trials, and
they nevertheless added still other sufferings, they would be sinning gravely,
and God himself would demand an account of them on behalf of such a soul. I am
not speaking here of instances which of their very nature are sinful, but of
things which in other circumstances would not be sinful. Let us be on our guard
against having the weight of such a soul on our conscience. This is a grave and
common defect in religious life; namely, that when one sees a suffering soul,
one always wants to add even more suffering. I do not say that everyone acts
like this, but there are some. We take the liberty of passing all sorts of
judgments, and we repeat them when we would do better to remain silent.
118
The tongue is a small member, but it does big things. A religious who does not
keep silence will never attain holiness; that is, she will never become a
saint. Let her not delude herself-unless it is the Spirit of God who is
speaking through her, for then she must not keep silent. But, in order to hear
the voice of God, one has to have silence in one's soul and to keep silence;
not a gloomy silence, but an interior silence; that is to say, recollection in
God. One can speak a great deal without breaking silence and, on the contrary,
one can speak little and be constantly breaking silence. Oh, what irreparable
damage is done by the breach of silence! We cause a lot of harm to our
neighbor, but even more to our own selves.
In my opinion, and according to my experience, the rule concerning silence should stand in the very first place. God does not give himself to a chattering soul which, like a drone in a beehive, buzzes around but gathers no honey. A talkative soul is empty inside. It lacks both the essential virtues and intimacy with God. A deeper interior life, one of gentle peace and of that silence where the Lord dwells, is quite out of the question. A soul that has never tasted the sweetness of inner silence is a restless spirit which disturbs the silence of others. I have seen many souls in the depths of hell for not having kept their silence; they told me so themselves when I asked them what was the cause of their undoing. These were souls of religious. My God, what an agony it is to think that not only might they have been in heaven, but they might even have become saints! O Jesus, have mercy!
In my opinion, and according to my experience, the rule concerning silence should stand in the very first place. God does not give himself to a chattering soul which, like a drone in a beehive, buzzes around but gathers no honey. A talkative soul is empty inside. It lacks both the essential virtues and intimacy with God. A deeper interior life, one of gentle peace and of that silence where the Lord dwells, is quite out of the question. A soul that has never tasted the sweetness of inner silence is a restless spirit which disturbs the silence of others. I have seen many souls in the depths of hell for not having kept their silence; they told me so themselves when I asked them what was the cause of their undoing. These were souls of religious. My God, what an agony it is to think that not only might they have been in heaven, but they might even have become saints! O Jesus, have mercy!
119
I tremble to think that I have to give an account of my tongue. There is life,
but there is also death in the tongue. Sometimes we kill with the tongue: we
commit real murders. And we are still to regard that as a small thing? I truly
do not understand such consciences. I have known a person who, when she learned
from someone that a certain thing was being said about her, fell seriously ill.
She lost a good deal of blood and shed many tears, and the outcome was very
sad. It was not the sword that did all this, but the tongue. O my silent Jesus,
have mercy on us!
120
I have wandered onto the subject of silence. But this is not what I wanted to
speak about, but rather about the soul's life with God and about its response
to grace. When a soul has been cleansed, and the Lord is on intimate terms with
it, it begins to apply all its inner force in striving after God. Yet the soul
cannot do anything of itself. God alone arranges everything. The soul knows
this and is mindful of it. It is still in exile and understands well that there
may yet come cloudy and rainy days, but it must now look upon things
differently from what it had up to now. It does not seek reassurance in a false
peace, but makes ready for battle. It knows it comes from a warrior race. It is
now much more aware of everything. It knows that it is of royal stock. It is
concerned with all that is great and holy.
126
Yet, I resolved to bear everything in silence and to give no explanations when
I was questioned. Some were irritated by my silence, especially those who were
more curious. Others, who reflected more deeply, said, "Sister Faustina
must be very close to God if she has the strength to bear so much
suffering." It was as if I were facing two groups of judges. I strove
after interior and exterior silence. I said nothing about myself, even though I
was questioned directly by some sisters. My lips were sealed. I suffered like a
dove, without complaint. But some sisters seemed to find pleasure in vexing me
in whatever way they could. My patience irritated them. But God gave me so much
inner strength that I endured it calmly.
163
JMJ The Year 1937
General Exercises
+O Most Holy Trinity! As many times as I breathe, as many times as my heart beats, as many times as my blood pulsates through my body, so many thousand times do I want to glorify Your mercy.
+I want to be completely transformed into Your mercy and to be Your living reflection, 0 Lord. May the greatest of all divine attributes, that of Your unfathomable mercy, pass through my heart and soul to my neighbor.
Help me, O Lord, that my eyes may be merciful, so that I may never suspect or judge from appearances, but look for what is beautiful in my neighbors' souls and come to their rescue.
Help me, that my ears may be merciful, so that I may give heed to my neighbors' needs and not be indifferent to their pains and moanings. Help me, O Lord, that my tongue may be merciful, so that I should never speak negatively of my neighbor, but have a word of comfort and forgiveness for all.
Help me, O Lord, that my hands may be merciful and filled with good deeds, so that I may do only good to my neighbors and take upon myself the more difficult and toilsome tasks.
Help me, that my feet may be merciful, so that I may hurry to assist my neighbor, overcoming my own fatigue and weariness. My true rest is in the service of my neighbor.
Help me, O Lord, that my heart may be merciful so that I myself may feel all the sufferings of my neighbor. I will refuse my heart to no one. I will be sincere even with those who, I know, will abuse my kindness. And I will lock myself up in the most merciful Heart of Jesus. I will bear my own suffering in silence. May Your mercy, O Lord, rest upon me.
+You yourself command me to exercise the three degrees of mercy. The first: the act of mercy, of whatever kind. The second: the word of mercy-if I cannot carry out a work of mercy, I will assist by my words. The third: prayer-if I cannot show mercy by deeds or words, I can always do so by prayer. My prayer reaches out even there where I cannot reach out physically.
O my Jesus, transform me into Yourself, for you can do all things.
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General Exercises
+O Most Holy Trinity! As many times as I breathe, as many times as my heart beats, as many times as my blood pulsates through my body, so many thousand times do I want to glorify Your mercy.
+I want to be completely transformed into Your mercy and to be Your living reflection, 0 Lord. May the greatest of all divine attributes, that of Your unfathomable mercy, pass through my heart and soul to my neighbor.
Help me, O Lord, that my eyes may be merciful, so that I may never suspect or judge from appearances, but look for what is beautiful in my neighbors' souls and come to their rescue.
Help me, that my ears may be merciful, so that I may give heed to my neighbors' needs and not be indifferent to their pains and moanings. Help me, O Lord, that my tongue may be merciful, so that I should never speak negatively of my neighbor, but have a word of comfort and forgiveness for all.
Help me, O Lord, that my hands may be merciful and filled with good deeds, so that I may do only good to my neighbors and take upon myself the more difficult and toilsome tasks.
Help me, that my feet may be merciful, so that I may hurry to assist my neighbor, overcoming my own fatigue and weariness. My true rest is in the service of my neighbor.
Help me, O Lord, that my heart may be merciful so that I myself may feel all the sufferings of my neighbor. I will refuse my heart to no one. I will be sincere even with those who, I know, will abuse my kindness. And I will lock myself up in the most merciful Heart of Jesus. I will bear my own suffering in silence. May Your mercy, O Lord, rest upon me.
+You yourself command me to exercise the three degrees of mercy. The first: the act of mercy, of whatever kind. The second: the word of mercy-if I cannot carry out a work of mercy, I will assist by my words. The third: prayer-if I cannot show mercy by deeds or words, I can always do so by prayer. My prayer reaches out even there where I cannot reach out physically.
O my Jesus, transform me into Yourself, for you can do all things.
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169
My conversation with the Lord Jesus before the retreat. Jesus told me that this
retreat would be a little different from others. You shall strive to
maintain a profound peace in respect to your communings with Me. I will remove
all doubts in this regard. I know that you are at peace now as I speak to you,
but the moment I stop talking you will start looking for doubts. But I want you
to know that I will affirm your soul to such a degree that even if you wanted
to be troubled, it will not be within your power. And as a proof that it is I
who am speaking to you, you will go to confession on the second day of the
retreat to the priest who is preaching the retreat; you will go to him as soon
as he has finished his conference and will present to him all your doubts concerning
Me. I will answer you through his lips, and then your fears will end. During
this retreat, observe such strict silence that it will be as though nothing
exists around you. You shall speak only to Me and to your confessor; you will
ask your superiors only for penances. I felt immense joy that the Lord
would show me such kindness and lower himself so much for my sake.
171
Struggle to keep silence. As usual, sisters from various houses came to the
retreat. One of the sisters whom I had not seen for a long time, came to my
cell and said she had something to tell me. I did not answer her, and she saw
that I did not want to break silence. She said to me, "I didn't know you
were such an eccentric, sister," and she went away. I was well aware that
she had no other business with me than to satisfy her own curious self-love. O
God, preserve me in faithfulness.
226
The rules that I most often fail to obey: sometimes I break silence;
disobedience to the signal of the bell; sometimes I meddle in other people's
affairs. I will do my very best to improve.
I will avoid sisters who grumble, and if they cannot be avoided, I will at least keep silent before them, thus letting them know how sorry I am to hear such things. I must take no heed of the opinion of others, but obey the evidence of my own conscience and take God to be the witness of all my actions. I must do everything and act in all matters now as I would like to do and act at the hour of my death. For this reason, in every action I must be mindful of God.
Avoid presumed permissions.[67] I must report [even] small things to my superiors, and do so in as much detail as is possible. I must be faithful in my spiritual exercises; I must not easily ask to be dispensed from them. I must keep silence outside the time of recreation, and avoid jokes and witty words that make others laugh and break silence. I must have great appreciation for even the most minute rules. I must not let myself become absorbed in the whirl of work, [but] take a break to look up to heaven. Speak little with people, but a good deal with God. Avoid familiarity. I must pay little attention as to who is for me and who is against me. I must not tell others about those things I have had to put up with. I must avoid speaking out loud to others during work. I must maintain peace and equanimity during times of suffering. In difficult moments I must take refuge in the wounds of Jesus; I must seek consolation, comfort, light and affirmation in the wounds of Jesus.
I will avoid sisters who grumble, and if they cannot be avoided, I will at least keep silent before them, thus letting them know how sorry I am to hear such things. I must take no heed of the opinion of others, but obey the evidence of my own conscience and take God to be the witness of all my actions. I must do everything and act in all matters now as I would like to do and act at the hour of my death. For this reason, in every action I must be mindful of God.
Avoid presumed permissions.[67] I must report [even] small things to my superiors, and do so in as much detail as is possible. I must be faithful in my spiritual exercises; I must not easily ask to be dispensed from them. I must keep silence outside the time of recreation, and avoid jokes and witty words that make others laugh and break silence. I must have great appreciation for even the most minute rules. I must not let myself become absorbed in the whirl of work, [but] take a break to look up to heaven. Speak little with people, but a good deal with God. Avoid familiarity. I must pay little attention as to who is for me and who is against me. I must not tell others about those things I have had to put up with. I must avoid speaking out loud to others during work. I must maintain peace and equanimity during times of suffering. In difficult moments I must take refuge in the wounds of Jesus; I must seek consolation, comfort, light and affirmation in the wounds of Jesus.
236
Oh, how misleading are appearances, and how unjust the judgments. Oh, how often
virtue suffers only because it remains silent. To be sincere with those who are
incessantly stinging us demands much self-denial. One bleeds, but there are no
visible wounds. O Jesus, it is only on the last day that many of these things
will be made known. What joy-none of our efforts will be lost!
252
+It was four days after my perpetual vows. I was trying to make a Holy Hour. It
was the first Thursday of the month. As soon as I entered the chapel, God's
presence enveloped me. I was distinctly aware that the Lord was near me. After
a moment, I saw the Lord, all covered with wounds; and He said to me, Look
at whom you have espoused. I understood the meaning of these words and
answered the Lord, "Jesus, I love You more when I see You wounded and
crushed with suffering like this than if I saw You in majesty." Jesus
asked, Why? I replied, "Great majesty terrifies me, little nothing
that I am, and Your wounds draw me to Your Heart and tell me of Your great love
for me." After this conversation there was silence. I fixed my gaze upon
His sacred wounds and felt happy to suffer with Him. I suffered, and yet I did
not suffer, because I felt happy to know the depth of His love, and the hour
passed like a minute.
253
+I must never judge anyone, but look at others with leniency and at myself with
severity. I must refer everything to God and, in my own eyes, recognize myself
for what I am: utter misery and nothingness. In suffering, I must be patient
and quiet, knowing that everything passes in time.
254
+The moments I lived through when I was taking my perpetual vows are better
left unsaid.
I am in Him, and He in me. As the Bishop [Rospond] was putting the ring on my finger, God pervaded my whole being, and since I cannot express that moment, I will be silent about it. My relationship with God, since perpetual vows, has been more intimate than it had ever been before. I sense that I love God and that He loves me. Having once tasted God, my soul could not live without Him. One hour spent at the foot of the altar in the greatest dryness of spirit is dearer to me than a hundred years of worldly pleasures. I prefer to be a lowly drudge in the convent than a queen in the world.
I am in Him, and He in me. As the Bishop [Rospond] was putting the ring on my finger, God pervaded my whole being, and since I cannot express that moment, I will be silent about it. My relationship with God, since perpetual vows, has been more intimate than it had ever been before. I sense that I love God and that He loves me. Having once tasted God, my soul could not live without Him. One hour spent at the foot of the altar in the greatest dryness of spirit is dearer to me than a hundred years of worldly pleasures. I prefer to be a lowly drudge in the convent than a queen in the world.
274
Jesus gave me the grace of knowing myself. In this divine light I see my
principal fault; it is pride which takes the form of my closing up within
myself and of a lack of simplicity in my relations with Mother Superior
[Irene].
The second light concerns speaking. I sometimes talk too much. A thing could be settled in one or two words, and as for me, I take too much time about it. But Jesus wants me to use that time to say some short indulgenced prayers for the souls in purgatory. And the Lord says that every word will be weighed on the day of judgment.
The third light concerns our rules. I have not sufficiently avoided the occasions that lead to breaking the rules, especially that of silence. I will act as if the rule were written just for me; it should not affect me at all how anyone else might act, as long as I myself act as God wishes.
Resolution. Whatever Jesus demands of me regarding external things, I will immediately go and tell my superiors. I shall strive for childlike openness and frankness in my relations with the superior.
The second light concerns speaking. I sometimes talk too much. A thing could be settled in one or two words, and as for me, I take too much time about it. But Jesus wants me to use that time to say some short indulgenced prayers for the souls in purgatory. And the Lord says that every word will be weighed on the day of judgment.
The third light concerns our rules. I have not sufficiently avoided the occasions that lead to breaking the rules, especially that of silence. I will act as if the rule were written just for me; it should not affect me at all how anyone else might act, as long as I myself act as God wishes.
Resolution. Whatever Jesus demands of me regarding external things, I will immediately go and tell my superiors. I shall strive for childlike openness and frankness in my relations with the superior.
275
Jesus loves hidden souls. A hidden flower is the most fragrant. I must strive
to make the interior of my soul a resting place for the Heart of Jesus. In
difficult and painful moments, O my Creator, I sing You a hymn of trust, for
bottomless is the abyss of my trust in You and in Your mercy!
359
January 10, 1935. +Thursday. In the evening during benediction,[85]
such thoughts as these began to distress me: Is not perhaps all this that I am
saying about God's great mercy just a lie or an illusion...? And I wanted to
think about this for a while, when I heard a strong and clear inner voice
saying, Everything that
you say about My goodness is true; language has no adequate expression to extol
My goodness. These words were so filled with power and so clear
that I would give my life in declaring they came from God. I can tell this by
the profound peace that accompanied them at that time and that still remains
with me. This peace gives me such great strength and power that all
difficulties, adversities, sufferings, and death itself are as nothing. This
light gave me a glimpse of the truth that all my efforts to bring souls to know
the mercy of the Lord are very pleasing to God. And from this springs such
great joy in my soul that I do not know whether it could be any greater in
heaven. Oh, if souls would only be willing to listen, at least a little, to the
voice of conscience and the voicethat is, the inspirations-of the Holy Spirit!
I say "at least a little," because once we open ourselves to the
influence of the Holy Spirit, He himself will fulfill what is lacking in us.
375
Particular interior practice; that is, the examination of conscience.
Self-denial, denial of my own will.
I. The denial of my reason. Subjecting it to the reason of those who represent God to me here on earth.
II. The denial of my will. Doing the will of God, which is revealed in the will of those who represent God to me and which is contained in the rule of our order.
III. The denial of my judgment. Accepting immediately and without reflection, analysis or reasoning all orders given by those who represent God to me.
IV. The denial of my tongue. I will not give it the least bit of freedom; but in one case only I will give it complete freedom; that is, in proclaiming the glory of God. Whenever I receive Holy Communion, I will ask Jesus to fortify and cleanse my tongue that I may not injure my neighbor with it. That is why I have the greatest respect for the rule which speaks about silence.
I. The denial of my reason. Subjecting it to the reason of those who represent God to me here on earth.
II. The denial of my will. Doing the will of God, which is revealed in the will of those who represent God to me and which is contained in the rule of our order.
III. The denial of my judgment. Accepting immediately and without reflection, analysis or reasoning all orders given by those who represent God to me.
IV. The denial of my tongue. I will not give it the least bit of freedom; but in one case only I will give it complete freedom; that is, in proclaiming the glory of God. Whenever I receive Holy Communion, I will ask Jesus to fortify and cleanse my tongue that I may not injure my neighbor with it. That is why I have the greatest respect for the rule which speaks about silence.
396
My traveling companions were very kind; several women of the Sodality of Mary
were in the same compartment with me. I sensed that one of them was suffering
greatly and fighting a difficult battle in her soul. l began to pray in spirit
for this soul. At eleven o'clock these women went to another compartment for a
chat, leaving only the two of us behind in the carriage. I could feel that my
prayer was causing this soul's struggle to become even fiercer. I did not
console her, but prayed all the more fervently. Finally, the lady turned to me
and asked if she was obliged to fulfill a certain promise which she had made to
God. At that moment, I received inner knowledge of the promise and replied,
"You are absolutely obliged to keep it, or else you will be miserable for
the rest of your life. This thought will pursue you everywhere and give you no
peace." Surprised at my answer, she opened her soul to me.
She was a schoolteacher. When she was about to take her examinations, she had promised God that if she did well in her examinations she would devote herself to His service; that is, enter a religious congregation. She passed the examinations very well. "But," she said, "when I entered into the hustle and bustle of the world, I no longer wanted to enter a convent. However, my conscience has given me no peace, and despite amusements I am always unhappy."
After a lengthy conversation, she was completely changed and told me that she would immediately take steps to enter a convent. She asked me to pray for her, and I felt that God would be generous with His grace.
She was a schoolteacher. When she was about to take her examinations, she had promised God that if she did well in her examinations she would devote herself to His service; that is, enter a religious congregation. She passed the examinations very well. "But," she said, "when I entered into the hustle and bustle of the world, I no longer wanted to enter a convent. However, my conscience has given me no peace, and despite amusements I am always unhappy."
After a lengthy conversation, she was completely changed and told me that she would immediately take steps to enter a convent. She asked me to pray for her, and I felt that God would be generous with His grace.
400
On the last day, when everyone had left the church, I went before the Blessed
Sacrament with him, and together we recited the Te Deum. After a moment of
silence, I offered his soul to the Sweetest Heart of Jesus. How easy it was to
pray in that little church! I remembered all the graces that I had received
there, and which I had not understood at the time and had so often abused. I
wondered how I could have been so blind. And as I was thus regretting my
blindness, I suddenly saw the Lord Jesus, radiant with unspeakable beauty, ..
and He said to me with kindness,
My chosen one, I will give you even greater graces that you may be the witness
of My infinite mercy throughout all eternity.
401
The days at home passed in much company, as everybody wanted to see me and talk
with me. Often I could count as many as twenty-five people there. They listened
with great interest to my accounts of the lives of the saints. It seemed to me
that our house was truly the house of God, as each evening we talked about
nothing but God. When, tired from these talks and yearning for solitude and
silence, I quietly slipped out into the garden in the evening so I could
converse with God alone, even in this I was unsuccessful; immediately my
brothers and sisters came and took me into the house and, once again, I had to
talk, with all those eyes fixed on me. But I struck on one way of getting some
respite; I asked my brothers to sing for me, inasmuch as they had lovely
voices; and besides, one played the violin and another, the mandolin. And
during this time I was able to devote myself to interior prayer without
shunning their company.
What also cost me a lot was that I had to kiss the children. The women I knew came with their children and asked me to take them in my arms, at least for a moment, and kiss them. They regarded this as a great favor, and for me it was a chance to practice virtue, since many of the children were quite dirty. But in order to overcome my feelings and show no repugnance, I would kiss such a dirty child twice. One of these friends came with a child whose eyes were diseased and filled with pus, and she said to me, "Sister, take it in your arms for a moment, please." My nature recoiled, but not paying attention to anything, I took the child and kissed it twice, right on the infection, asking God to heal it.
I had many opportunities to practice virtue. I listened to people pour out their grievances, and I saw that no heart was joyful, because no heart truly loved God; and this did not surprise me at all. I was very sorry not to have seen two of my sisters. I felt interiorly that their souls were in great danger. Pain gripped my heart at the thought of them. Once, when I felt very close to God, I fervently asked the Lord to grant them grace, and the Lord answered me, I am granting them not only necessary graces, but special graces as well. I understood that the Lord would call them to a greater union with Him. I rejoice immensely that such great love reigns in our family.
What also cost me a lot was that I had to kiss the children. The women I knew came with their children and asked me to take them in my arms, at least for a moment, and kiss them. They regarded this as a great favor, and for me it was a chance to practice virtue, since many of the children were quite dirty. But in order to overcome my feelings and show no repugnance, I would kiss such a dirty child twice. One of these friends came with a child whose eyes were diseased and filled with pus, and she said to me, "Sister, take it in your arms for a moment, please." My nature recoiled, but not paying attention to anything, I took the child and kissed it twice, right on the infection, asking God to heal it.
I had many opportunities to practice virtue. I listened to people pour out their grievances, and I saw that no heart was joyful, because no heart truly loved God; and this did not surprise me at all. I was very sorry not to have seen two of my sisters. I felt interiorly that their souls were in great danger. Pain gripped my heart at the thought of them. Once, when I felt very close to God, I fervently asked the Lord to grant them grace, and the Lord answered me, I am granting them not only necessary graces, but special graces as well. I understood that the Lord would call them to a greater union with Him. I rejoice immensely that such great love reigns in our family.
407
Oh, how happy I felt to be back in our convent! I felt as though I was entering
the convent for the second time. I took unending delight in the silence and
peace in which the soul can so easily immerse itself in God, helped by everyone
and disturbed by no one.
April
29, 1935.
421 On the eve of the exposition of the image, I went with our Mother Superior to visit our confessor [Father Sopocko]. When the conversation touched upon the image, the confessor asked for one of the sisters to help make some wreaths. Mother Superior replied, "Sister Faustina will help." I was delighted at this, and when we returned home, I immediately set about preparing some greens, and with the help of one of our wards brought them over. Another person, who works at the church, also helped. Everything was ready by seven o'clock that evening, and the image was already hanging in its place. However, some ladies saw me standing around there, for I was more a bother than a help, and on the next day they asked the sisters what this beautiful image was and what was its significance. Surely these sisters would know, [they thought] as one of them had helped adorn it the day before. The sisters were very surprised as they knew nothing about it; they all wanted to see it and immediately they began to suspect me. They said, "Sister Faustina must certainly know all about it."
When they began asking me, I was silent, since I could not tell the truth. My silence increased their curiosity, and I was even more on my guard not to tell a lie and not to tell the truth, since I had no permission [to do so]. Then they started to show their displeasure and reproached me openly saying, "How is it that outsiders know about this and we, nothing?" Various judgments were being made about me. I suffered much for three days, but a special power took over in my soul. I was happy to suffer for God and for the souls that have been granted His mercy during these days. Seeing that so many souls have been granted divine mercy these days, I regard as nothing even the greatest suffering and toil, even if they were to continue till the end of the world; for they will come to an end, while these souls have been saved from torments that are without end. It was a great joy for me to see others returning to the source of happiness, the bosom of The Divine Mercy.
421 On the eve of the exposition of the image, I went with our Mother Superior to visit our confessor [Father Sopocko]. When the conversation touched upon the image, the confessor asked for one of the sisters to help make some wreaths. Mother Superior replied, "Sister Faustina will help." I was delighted at this, and when we returned home, I immediately set about preparing some greens, and with the help of one of our wards brought them over. Another person, who works at the church, also helped. Everything was ready by seven o'clock that evening, and the image was already hanging in its place. However, some ladies saw me standing around there, for I was more a bother than a help, and on the next day they asked the sisters what this beautiful image was and what was its significance. Surely these sisters would know, [they thought] as one of them had helped adorn it the day before. The sisters were very surprised as they knew nothing about it; they all wanted to see it and immediately they began to suspect me. They said, "Sister Faustina must certainly know all about it."
When they began asking me, I was silent, since I could not tell the truth. My silence increased their curiosity, and I was even more on my guard not to tell a lie and not to tell the truth, since I had no permission [to do so]. Then they started to show their displeasure and reproached me openly saying, "How is it that outsiders know about this and we, nothing?" Various judgments were being made about me. I suffered much for three days, but a special power took over in my soul. I was happy to suffer for God and for the souls that have been granted His mercy during these days. Seeing that so many souls have been granted divine mercy these days, I regard as nothing even the greatest suffering and toil, even if they were to continue till the end of the world; for they will come to an end, while these souls have been saved from torments that are without end. It was a great joy for me to see others returning to the source of happiness, the bosom of The Divine Mercy.
432
At that very moment, I felt some kind of fire in my heart. I feel my senses
deadening and have no idea of what is going on around me. I feel the Lord's
gaze piercing me through and through. I am very much aware of His greatness and
my misery. An extraordinary suffering pervades my soul, together with a joy I
cannot compare to anything. I feel powerless in the embrace of God. I feel that
I am in Him and that I am dissolved in Him like a drop of water in the ocean. I
cannot express what takes place within me; after such interior prayer, I feel
strength and power to practice the most difficult virtues. I feel dislike for
all things that the world holds in esteem. With all my soul I desire silence
and solitude.
Thursday,
Nocturnal Adoration.
445 When I came for adoration, an inner recollection took hold of me immediately, and I saw the Lord Jesus tied to a pillar, stripped of His clothes, and the scourging began immediately. I saw four men who took turns at striking the Lord with scourges. My heart almost stopped at the sight of these tortures. The Lord said to me, I suffer even greater pain than that which you see. And Jesus gave me to know for what sins He subjected himself to the scourging: these are sins of impurity. Oh, how dreadful was Jesus' moral suffering during the scourging! Then Jesus said to me, Look and see the human race in its present condition. In an instant, I saw horrible things: the executioners left Jesus, and other people started scourging Him; they seized the scourges and struck the Lord mercilessly. These were priests, religious men and women; and high dignitaries of the Church, which surprised me greatly. There were lay people of all ages and walks of life. All vented their malice on the innocent Jesus. Seeing this, my heart fell as if into a mortal agony. And while the executioners had been scourging Him, Jesus had been silent and looking into the distance; but when those other souls I mentioned scourged Him, Jesus closed His eyes, and a soft, but most painful moan escaped from His Heart. And Jesus gave me to know in detail the gravity of the malice of these ungrateful souls: You see, this is a torture greater than My death. Then my lips too fell silent, and I began to experience the agony of death, and I felt that no one would comfort me or snatch me from that state but the One who had put me into it. Then the Lord said to me, I see the sincere pain of your heart which brought great solace to My Heart. See and take comfort.
445 When I came for adoration, an inner recollection took hold of me immediately, and I saw the Lord Jesus tied to a pillar, stripped of His clothes, and the scourging began immediately. I saw four men who took turns at striking the Lord with scourges. My heart almost stopped at the sight of these tortures. The Lord said to me, I suffer even greater pain than that which you see. And Jesus gave me to know for what sins He subjected himself to the scourging: these are sins of impurity. Oh, how dreadful was Jesus' moral suffering during the scourging! Then Jesus said to me, Look and see the human race in its present condition. In an instant, I saw horrible things: the executioners left Jesus, and other people started scourging Him; they seized the scourges and struck the Lord mercilessly. These were priests, religious men and women; and high dignitaries of the Church, which surprised me greatly. There were lay people of all ages and walks of life. All vented their malice on the innocent Jesus. Seeing this, my heart fell as if into a mortal agony. And while the executioners had been scourging Him, Jesus had been silent and looking into the distance; but when those other souls I mentioned scourged Him, Jesus closed His eyes, and a soft, but most painful moan escaped from His Heart. And Jesus gave me to know in detail the gravity of the malice of these ungrateful souls: You see, this is a torture greater than My death. Then my lips too fell silent, and I began to experience the agony of death, and I felt that no one would comfort me or snatch me from that state but the One who had put me into it. Then the Lord said to me, I see the sincere pain of your heart which brought great solace to My Heart. See and take comfort.
449
I prepared for this feast with greater zeal than in previous years. On the
morning of the feast itself, I experienced an inner struggle at the thought that
I must leave this Congregation which enjoys such special protection from Mary.
This struggle lasted through the meditation and through the first Mass as well.
During the second Mass, I turned to our Holy Mother, telling Her that it was
difficult for me to separate myself from this Congregation... "which is
under Your special protection, O Mary." Then I saw the Blessed Virgin,
unspeakably beautiful. She came down from the altar to my kneeler, held me
close to herself and said to me, I am Mother to you all, thanks to the
unfathomable mercy of God. Most pleasing to Me is that soul which faithfully
carries out the will of God. She gave me to understand that I had
faithfully fulfilled the will of God and had thus found favor in His eyes. Be
courageous. Do not fear apparent obstacles, but fix your gaze upon the Passion
of My Son, and in this way you will be victorious.
1728 Write:
I am Thrice Holy, and I detest the smallest sin. I cannot love a soul which is
stained with sin; but when it repents, there is no limit to My generosity
toward it. My mercy embraces and justifies it. With My mercy, I pursue sinners
along all their paths, and My Heart rejoices when they return to Me. I forget
the bitterness with which they fed My Heart and rejoice at their return.
Tell sinners that no one shall escape My Hand; if they run away from My Merciful Heart, they will fall into My Just Hands. Tell sinners that I am always waiting for them, that I listen intently to the beating of their heart... when will it beat for Me? Write, that I am speaking to them through their remorse of conscience, through their failures and sufferings, through thunderstorms, through the voice of the Church. And if they bring all My graces to naught, I begin to be angry with them, leaving them alone and giving them what they want.
Tell sinners that no one shall escape My Hand; if they run away from My Merciful Heart, they will fall into My Just Hands. Tell sinners that I am always waiting for them, that I listen intently to the beating of their heart... when will it beat for Me? Write, that I am speaking to them through their remorse of conscience, through their failures and sufferings, through thunderstorms, through the voice of the Church. And if they bring all My graces to naught, I begin to be angry with them, leaving them alone and giving them what they want.
(Diary
of Sister Faustina Kowalska Notebook-I-39, 47-48, 70-73, 117, 130, 126, 163)
(Diary
of Sister Faustina Kowalska Notebook-I-169, 171, 226, 236, 252, 254, 274-275)
(Diary
of Sister Faustina Kowalska Notebook-I-359, 375, 396, 400-401, 407, 421, 432)
(Diary
of Sister Faustina Kowalska Notebook-I-445, 449)
(Diary
of Sister Faustina Kowalska Notebook-VI-1728)
http://www.saint-faustina.com/Diary/DMIMS10.shtml
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